Title: Release
Author: A Paper Moon
Pairing: Narumi Ayumu/Yuizaki Hiyono
Fandom: Spiral: Suiri no Kizuna
Theme: #27—overflow
Rating: G
Disclaimer: All characters of Spiral are the property of Kyou Shirodaira; I allege no possession of said characters. I only request to take them to over-rowdy soccer games and force them to play at gunpoint. Inspired by Glen Hansard's song "Falling Slowly."
Summary: There is nothing holding her back anymore.
Important Note!: This has some spoilers for the end of the manga and if Germany means nothing to you in relations to Spiral, you may be hitting some stuff you didn't want to know yet. You've been warned.
It's about time I get my butt in gear again. Here's number nineteen.
-.-.-
Falling slowly, eyes that know me,
And I can't go back.
Moods that take me and erase me,
And I'm painted black.
You have suffered enough,
And warred with yourself.
It's time that you won.
-.-.-
She's watched him for five years, the information she held burning like a hot iron within her, yearning to be set free. As she stands by his side, she wants nothing more than to tell him the truth—the explanation for his birth and the reasoning behind his life. There are many times she wanted to blurt out that he wasn't who he thought he was. There is a purpose he was to fulfill. But, try as hard as she does, she can never bring herself to tell him.
She figured if she did, he'd lose all his drive to move on.
So, as she sits next to him, her legs cushioned on the white blankets of his hospital bed, her eyes keen on his slumped figure as he gently plays an A over and over on the baby grand, she realizes there is nothing holding her back anymore. He's already lost whatever he had to hold on to and anything that could have jeopardized his happiness has already taken away his smile.
She feels guilty that she hasn't spoken up sooner. If only she'd said something years ago, he might have been spared a bit of heartache. And yet, she thinks that this way, at least he has the jollity of his youth and the memories of when it was all so simple and the Blade Children were only a small problem in the diluted background. Before everything changed and Mizushiro Hizumi came into the forefront. Before Kiyotaka was more than just a missing older brother and she was more than the crazy journalist from their high school. Before she realized what she was really getting herself into and before she understood what her true feelings were.
She is brought back into the clear and present when he jabs at the A, misses, and plays a horrendous A, A-sharp chord, the stinging notes causing her to physically wince.
Timidly, she calls out, "Narumi-san?"
He doesn't move but she can sense that he heard her. The fading sounds of the piano dissipate into nothingness and the recovery room is silent again. She can pick up the faint clicking of the pedals as he pushes down on them with his right foot.
She stands swiftly, her body beginning to move on its own accord, the scene before her pulling at her conscious. I should have told him.
She can't take anything back now but darn it, she wishes things were different. It's nagging guilt that has been eating away at her ever since she started tagging along with the younger Narumi. Though she's tried to smile all of the time, there are days, especially this one, where even thinking about smiling is difficult.
It's when the heel of her left foot comes down upon the tiled floor that his head snaps up and he quickly blurts, "Don't."
"Narumi-san?"
The tension is so thick; she feels that she can hardly breathe. His back is stiff and his shoulders are hunched and he looks so defeated that it nearly kills her.
After a few minutes of stifling silence, he adds, "It's okay."
"I-I don't understand." Honestly, she doesn't. What is there to be okay with?
He pivots slightly from his perch on the velveteen bench though his head does not move from the gaze he holds with the ivory key. She can see his brows furrow, but beyond that, there is no other reaction.
"You're just here to tell me you're sorry. I get it." His voice is sharp yet blunt at the same time and it nearly wounds her to hear it so.
She's confused as well. He knew the entire time? No, that was impossible. She's kept him in the dark this entire time; there is no way that he even had an inkling as to what was really going on. Just as she takes another step to tell him he is wrong, he cuts her off.
"It's fine. I don't need your pity or your sympathy. It's too late." His fingers fiddle with the sling about his left arm and wrist as he wistfully glances at it. Months ago, he would have been able to perform decently enough, the feeling almost gone but not quite. Now, he is paralyzed, the left side of his body useless to him.
"Narumi-san…" She wants to do something to ease the pain but is unsure as to exactly what.
"Stop it."
"But I—" She needs him to know.
"No!"
His yell startles her and she falters backward, landing on the bed with an unceremonious plop. Her arms fall limply at her sides, her voice caught in her throat and her breath stilled in her lungs.
Again, there is silence.
And then, he's struggling to play and slow and mournful piece that she quickly places as Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. Even with the assistance of the pedals, he can't manage to play the left handed chords and the right hand's shorter eighths. It's painful—like watching a wounded bird try to fly. She can spot the determination in his clouding, russet eyes and yet, though she longs to help him, she knows he'll never accept it. Regardless, she feels a tug at her heart and throws all caution to the wind.
Without words, she walks over and sat beside him, her hands taking the place of the bass cleft. She can see the anger in his eyes as her paler fingers begin to dance over the ebony and pallid keys. His countenance darkens at her approach but he does nothing to halt her.
Tears prickle the back of her eyes and soon, they are balanced on the edge of her lashes. She berates herself for her lack of loyalty but they continue to play together.
She finally can't take it anymore and removes her hands from their spot next to his. He continues on for a few measures before ceasing his own playing. He waits for her to speak and finally she does.
"Don't you hate me?" she asks and as the words leave her mouth, she feels her chest tighten a little.
He's quiet but eventually manages to respond with: "Why would I?"
She's stunned.
"Because," she stutters, "I lied to you."
He turns his head to watch her from the corner of his eye, his lips tugged in a gentle yet apathetic line.
"You didn't technically lie, idiot."
She yearns to roll her eyes but refrains from doing so.
"You just didn't tell me the entire truth."
Now she's really confused. Angrily, she stands up.
"Who are you and where is Narumi-san?"
"I'm right here, you dolt."
"Why you—!"
He's staring at her and she can't manage to finish her sentence. His eyes are sad and defeated and look like he's seen far beyond his own years, which she knows, he has.
"Nothing you can say now will change what has happened to me. Save your breath and your words. What is done is done."
Her hands lower themselves from her hips as she gazes down at him.
"I'm done. I'm tired and I don't want to fight anymore."
"Eh?"
"I want to lie down and sleep. Please, I'm just very tired. Look," he punctuates his words with a jerk of his head, "I'm lame. I can't even use my left hand anymore. I won't ever be the same. I just want this all to be over. My life means nothing now. Kiyotaka won't need my DNA anymore; I'm the one suffering from our mother's illness, not him. She's gone and there aren't any tests left to run on me."
Hiyono is taken aback at his words. He'd always been more a pessimist but this… This was something entirely new.
"You did your part in Kiyotaka's little game. He's been the puppeteer long enough and the final match is over. Can't everyone just leave me alone now?"
"Narumi-san…"
A pause.
"What?"
She's leaning down now to place a hand on either of his shoulders and he almost pulls away. If it weren't for the stress on his body, he would have.
He's about to tell her off when he feels her hair tickle his cheeks and her lips are soft on his temple.
"Don't ever, ever give up, Narumi-san."
Her words are gentle and her voice sounds years beyond what her actual age is. Her mouth moves against his forehead and he almost blushes.
"You are the strongest person I know. To be able to fight through it all when such a plan was happening; you are the bravest man I've ever met."
"Please…"
"Really, Narumi-san. I admire you. Your courage in the face of every obstacle and the way you never gave up. So don't stop now, Narumi-san. Please, for me." She kisses his forehead again, her arms coming to hug about his shoulders, her fingers brushing over his collarbone.
"Don't ever stop fighting. If you'll have me, I'll stay by your side forever." After all, it's the least she can do.
"We can fight together until the end and I'll make sure no one ever hurts you again."
It's weird to him, her being so strong. He figures though, that he probably never knew the real her so maybe, just maybe, this is what she's really like. Her weak and feeble self, the one that always cheered him on and yet never did much beyond encourage—maybe that was all another rouge, brought on by his brother's master plans.
His right hand comes to hang from her two clasped ones and they lapse into silence together, the only sound being the pattering of the rain against the window.
She feels more a peace now, the words that were overflowing within her finally freed. She wanted to tell him about everything and now, now at least he knows that she'll always be here. Maybe it wasn't want she originally wanted but now, everything is right again. They'll pick up from here and begin anew.
-.-.-
Take this sinking boat and point it home,
We've still got time.
Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice.
You've made it now.
Falling slowly, sing your melody.
I'll sing along.
Falling Slowly|Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
I think I might come back and tweak it later. I'm still not happy with it yet but here it is for now. You know the drill. :)