Oh, btw, did you like Aki? For I might consider adding her in future chapters as the incarnation of the customers' point of view.

Kyoya poured himself some more strong tea and put the disc into the DVD reader. The note inside it said it contained just another badfic, more specifically how an overused plot cliché should never be written, complete with terms and explanations. Kyoya watched carefully, taking notes of everything he saw. The result?

Part III: Haruhi's pregnant!

Very original, up there! Haruhi gives birth to Tamaki's baby and they live happily every after… oh wait. That's too simple.

So, recap: Haruhi angsts over wtf knows what, generally over… OMG! A CLIFFY! That she's abused by her father/the twins/the boy next door/the chairman/a random teacher/Kyoya, in which case she usually seeks refuge in Hunny's or Mori's arms, and they shag all night long, for, ya know, that's the perfect way to make a girl, but especially Haruhi, forget her sorrow.

…wait. Not angsty enough, plus, there's not enough mystery.

Recap no. 2.: Haruhi angsts about how she never experienced love, for no one gives her a second look (yeah, except the six most handsome guys at Ouran + Bossa Nova), and she's without a boyfriend. You see, that's very in-character, too. Oh, and said angst has to last for at least 2 chapters, if not more.

Then, as random club days come and go (6 chapters minimum), suddenly Haruhi sleeps with a host, usually Tamaki or Kyoya, but wait, let's not say it this straight! Haruhi spends a passionate night with somebody, or maybe even everybody, while of course condoms, pills and general safetysex all seem completely unknown. OMG! A CLIFFY! But wait, a passionate night, you say? Then… it has to be LIME! LEMON! ORNAGE! GRAPEFRUIT! PINEAPPLE! Um, that's not a type of citrus, damnit… OMG! A CLIFFY!

As chapters go, Haruhi notices something weird. Not the thing that everything still takes her as a boy and she actually enjoys being in the Host Club, the other one. Yeah, that she sometimes randomly faints in the middle of the corridor/her home/class/club. OMG! A CLIFFY! But why? Of course, first logical and in-character thing in this story: she dismisses it as a cold. Less likely but still there, the others think the same way.

But yeah, it's not a cold! OMG! A CLIFFY! Could it be… OMG! A CLIFFY!

…Haruhi's pregnant.

OMG! A CLIFFY!

Angst, angst, and angst, if it's vacation, nobody knows she is, maybe even Ranka doesn't notice that his only beloved daughter has suddenly grown a huge belly, yadda yadda yadda, OMG! A CLIFFY! For the best impact, everybody but the actual father knows, or, if we don't know the actual father, nobody does. That is to say, the actual father never knows about/cares for/wants the poor child, OMG! A CLIFFY!

Unborn child, to be precise. Taking the insanely high chapter count so far, Haruhi's pregnancy, at the very least, lasts 2 years, 4 months, 13 days, 7 hours, 5 minutes and 48 seconds. OMG! A CLIFFY!

Haruhi goes into labor in the middle of the street/Host Club, and OMG! A CLIFFY! almost dies during childbirth (4 chapters here about pain and, of course, angst), then gives birth to a baby girl. A baby girl. A BABY GIRL. Heard that, A BABY GIRL!!! Yeah, Haruhi can only give birth to girls, 'cause ya know, boys are so, ew, how should I put that, boring. Also, the infant gets a Western name, something along the lines of Emerald Neptunia, probably. OMG! A CLIFFY!

Oh, and the father? He doesn't know. Or if he does, he doesn't know he's the father. Poor ignorant boy. OMG! A CLIFFY!

Kyoya's medical staff and DNA testing does not exist, but the baby girl immediately shows an uncanny resemblance to Tamaki/Kyoya/Hunny/Arai/Bossa Nova/Nekozawa/Chika (Mori seems incapable of fathering Haruhi's children – oops, sorry, I meant daughters – whose hordes around fanfiction sites by the way could populate half Tokyo, and since the twins are identical, them being the father would make it less thrilling), OMG! A CLIFFY!

Now comes the absolute, total, perfect, so much needed, craved for ANGST. Happy?

"Oh my dear little beautiful Violette Mercuria, I will raise you alone for your mean father doesn't want you, maybe if he knew how lovely you were…!" OMG A CLIFFY!, cried Haruhi.

Ranka doesn't want to kill the father, maybe he doesn't even know her daughter was pregnant (?!), or is so happy to be a granddad that wtf cares, or mysteriously disappears. Better yet, he dies, possibly along with the baby's father…

Kyoya turned the TV off. Even he couldn't bear it any more.