How Now, Brown Cow? (a Spam story)

3. Master

In the weeks that followed, Spencer and Sam continued in their routine of work, lessons and visits to museums, galleries and exhibitions. Spencer encouraged Sam to do more solo projects, though he was always willing to help Sam anyway he could. He desperately wanted her to be his partner, but came to believe what the critics had said: He was holding her back.

Shortly after the show, inquiries and offers began to come in for Sam's work. Although he never showed it or said anything, it stung him that he was essentially being ignored. Instead he constantly complimented Sam's work.

"Sam, your tastes and experiences are different than mine. You are really a great artist in your own right and you shouldn't try to follow my style, but find your own. I think if you find the material and direction right for you, you could do great things."

Sam at first thought he was trying to get rid of her, but then he began introducing her to other artists and gallery owners, exposing her to more styles and opportunities. She found that while she loved Spencer's sweet happy pop-art style, it really wasn't her. Her life had been about pain and shame, a hard life made palatable by a few friends. Her new works began to reflect this cynicism and angst. Her technique, however, soon surpassed Spencer's and one could genuinely see she was the more skilled artist.

Spencer still sold his sculptures. There was always a market for optimists, but he clearly was out of touch with the modern art world. Dark and edgy was the taste of the day and dark and edgy is what Sam had mastered. Soon there were fewer collaborations and joint exhibits and more solo shows by Sam.

This didn't bother Spencer very much. He had never been popular with critics and wasn't really part of the 'art scene', preferring to work alone outside the art cliques. And he really was happy for Sam as he saw her blossom into an exceptional artist in her own right.

He also began to see her blossom in another way. Starting in her junior year in high school Sam had developed into a stunningly beautiful girl and Spencer had become acutely aware of the change. Her shirts were a bit tighter and her curves a bit curvier. He had always thought she was pretty, but in a very brotherly sort of way. During Sam and Carly's senior year however he had begun to really notice her. Sam still wore her dumpy clothes and kept her tough, mean reputation, but Spencer saw her every day away from school, when her guard was down and when she was relaxed.

He noticed her golden curls and amazing eyes, a dazzling smile and adorable nose. He had caught himself just looking at her sometimes and had forced himself to turn away. She was Carly's friend and he cared for her very much and did want to lose that or endanger her friendship with Carly.

Sam had seemingly given no notice to Spencer's interest. Towards the end of her senior year Sam convinced Carly to make her look 'more girly'. Spencer thought that was a shame, for although Sam could be stunningly beautiful when made up (as she had been at prom), he found the natural, relaxed Sam even more attractive.

As Sam became more popular, she began going to more parties and events without Spencer. He began to miss their movie nights and often found himself in the studio alone. They still worked on some things together, but now it was him receiving the advice and guidance, as she completed works far superior to his.

Sam had in fact begun to listen to her new friends in the art world, asking Spencer why he kept doing his 'silly' sculptures. At first he took this a backhand complement that he was capable of more, but soon he realized that Sam had become tired of Spencer's style and found it simplistic and trivial. She never said this to his face, but certainly news from the art world was clear: Sam was moving ahead and leaving him behind.

Spencer was not really concerned by how others saw him. He had been validated in the opinion of his hero, Harry Joiner. What depressed him was the way Sam began to slip away from him. They spent less and less time together. She often went to events without him. She even held her own shows without inviting him to the opening. More and more Spencer felt hurt and depressed. Sam had become very important to him and, he admitted to himself, he had fallen in love with her.

The final blow came when Sam announced that she was getting her own studio space downtown. "Not to keep crowding him" as she put it. Soon he only saw her occasionally, when she chose to stay at his (he no longer thought of it as 'our') apartment.

The end came when he returned to the studio pretty late. He decided he should finish up a few projects and headed upstairs to the loft studio. As he reached the top he thought he heard voices in the studio. He suddenly became alarmed, because Sam almost never came by anymore and never worked with him in his studio.

As Spencer slowly moved towards the door he heard not voices, but moaning. Totally puzzled he cautiously peeked into his studio. There was Sam in the arms of some strange man. They were kissing passionately and the man had his hand on her thigh. She kissed him and softly sighed at his touch. Spencer's heart broke as his pulse raced in a competition to see whether lust or heartbreak would win. He was frozen and could not turn away as he stared at Sam's incredibly beautiful form. Her eyes were closed and her face a prefect mask of lust and pleasure. Spencer couldn't take it and heartbreak won out over desire.

He fled the apartment into the street. Walking around he began to think about Sam. She wasn't his girlfriend, why should he be jealous? She was an adult and he should have known she would hook up with other people. He was already sure she wasn't a virgin and hadn't been for some time. Then again neither was he, though he hadn't dated a girl, let alone slept with one, since Sam had moved in. Had he been 'saving himself' for her? Wasn't that ridiculous?

Spencer walked around for hours, finally settling onto a park bench where he broke down and began to cry. He felt so lost. Who could he talk to? He only ever talked to Sam and Carly. Carly. His little sister. He had to go talk to her, but first he had to talk to the man he most admired: Harry Joiner. He had some big decisions to make.