AN: Thank so much for the wonderful reviews. Some of you thought the last chapter was mushy, some thought it wasn't. Well I'm glad you liked it:)

I'm letting you into Jacobs mind today. This is a messy place to be right now, but it was surprisingly easy to write. Oh, and I know it's a bit short, it was just a little something I wanted to write:)

Song: The Brothel – Susanne. Search it up on youtube. Really, do! I love the lyrics to this song. It's brilliant.

Sentimental Crap

-JPOV

My feet felt heavy as I dragged myself up the porch stairs to the front door. I hadn't felt physically tired in years, but now it was as if I barely could take another step. The only thing keeping me going forward was the thought of seeing her again. Her pull was the only thing that kept me moving right now.

Even through the queasy throbbing that stung inside my body, spite the tiredness, exhaustion and carelessness, I felt it. Almost like a slight nudge, humming through me from toes to fingertips, willing me in one direction. The only direction. There never really was more than one direction. It led me to her, wherever she was. Just like it had from the day she was born, before even. I let it guide me, my mind just floating along like a sheep.

It had been an angry day. My head had been filled with almost nothing but swearwords. People everywhere. Their crying annoyed me. Their understanding annoyed me. Their comforting pats on the back annoyed me. Their sympathetic looks annoyed me. Their helpfulness annoyed me.

I felt heavy. My head felt heavy. It felt like it would tip over any second. It was a pain having to keep it up on my shoulders and not let it crash to the ground in front of me.

Phasing didn't make it better, either. The others in the pack would be there. They annoyed me as well. In one day my self-control and patience had crumbled into dust. All the time I had just wanted to go back home. But at the same time, a part of me knew I had to do this. Go through this. Fix this. For him.

Charlie had been at the hospital. He had insisted on us to come and join him home for dinner. Rachel was too fucking polite to say no and I was too tired to object. So we did. We'd joined him and eaten dinner, every single of us wanting to be somewhere else, including Charlie. Rachel wanted to go home with Paul, I guess. I'm sure Paul wanted just the same I'm guessing Charlie would like nothing more than being alone. I just wanted to go home.

He'd meant it as a nice gesture, of course. Wanting to take care of us. Make sure we ate something. Not that anyone had eaten much. Instead of driving back home with Paul and my sister, I'd left there on foot. They annoyed me too. Charlie wanted to drive me of course, but I told him I needed the walk and fresh air.

I snorted. As if that would help.

I opened the front door and got in. The smell, the memories...It hit me like a brick in the face. Just like this morning. Still, it wasn't as bad. I was expecting it now. I had done it before.

I walked into the living room and he was everywhere. In every piece of furniture and every inch of the floor and walls. Hell. I couldn't see, couldn't think, couldn't breathe. His absence was screaming at me from me from all around and it made me feel even more cold and empty inside.

I could link each and every thing in the room to a memory of him, a Christmas with him, a dinner, a birthday, a completely normal day. A small part of me was happy for this. It would help me remember. The rest of me just wanted to weep.

In the middle of this, in the middle of all those memories, was Nessie. She was sitting crouched together in one of the chairs, her feet wrapped up beside her. She was sleeping. Her head was slumped against the back of the chair and her hair fell down around her shoulders. She was wearing one of my t-shirts, just like the last time she'd slept here. She'd put an old flannel shirt on top, one I never used any more. As I watched her, it felt a little bit easier to breathe.

I walked over to her. The TV was still on so I turned it off. She was sitting in the chair by the window, the chair he'd rarely used. I briefly wondered if she'd sat there on purpose. Like if to not disturb what was his. His chair was still standing achingly empty in front of the TV.

It still smelled like him.

I bent down intending to to pick her up, feeling the heat radiating from her naked legs. But then something in the corner of my eye caught my attention. I straightened up and crossed the room in two long strides. It was there. On the mantelpiece.

But I had broken it. I'd heard it crack as it hit the floor. I'd been angry. I'd been stupid. I'd regretted it. But hell, I'd had reasons to be.

I picked up the carved wolf and tuned it around in my hands. I saw it then. The crack along the right shoulder. It had cracked in two. I lifted it to my nose and skimmed along the side. It smelled glue. With astonished eyes I turned around to look at the girl sleeping in the chair across the room. She'd glued it together. For me. The warm feeling came back. It didn't erase the cold, but it made it a little less unbearable.

I turned my gaze back to the carved sculpture, took a deep breath and turned it upside down. His handwriting was still there. He'd given me this on my ninth birthday, along with my first knife. And then he'd taught me how to make one myself. It hadn't been nearly as good as this. Funny how he would give me a wolf. Maybe he suspected it back then, that I would grow four legs one day. There was so much I'd never gotten to ask him. And now it was too late.

I was running the highway of sentimental crap, and I knew it. Maybe I should wake up Nessie, go all mushy on her, weep my eyes out against her t-shirt again. I had done it before, right? Twice, even. I could feel my eyes burn, the annoying prickling coming back. I rubbed my eyes angrily, forcefully, hurting myself on purpose. I wouldn't cry now. I was sick of people crying everywhere.

The angry thoughts came back and I put the wolf back on the mantlepiece. It staggered for a second before it turned still. My hands inched forward, wanting to crush something. Instead, I forced myself to turn around and look at Nessie.

My pulse instantly calmed. Out of reflex I started to walk over to her, and as I crossed the room I realized the carved wolf wasn't the only thing she'd fixed. She'd wiped up the broken glass from the floor too. And the broken pictures. I drew a deep breath. It smelled cleaner as well. And it smelled food. But for once, I wasn't hungry.

I walked over to her and picked her up, the one person in the world that didn't make me annoyed today. Her naked legs felt hot against my arm. I realized not only was she the only thing that felt hot to me, she also was the only things that could warm me inside.

I snapped out of it. What was this, realization-time? These sentimental thoughts were eating me up from the inside. I wanted to reconnect my mind from my body so that I wouldn't have to listen to my own thoughts any more.

I carried her into my bedroom and laid her down on the bed, trying not to wake her. As I laid her down she fumbled a little bit around in her sleep, mumbling something I couldn't quite hear. She settled on her side facing away from me, curling her naked, beautiful legs up. I needed her. Desperately. Now.

I laid down beside her and wrapped my arm around her stomach, pulling her close to me. She was still wearing the flannel shirt of top of the t-shirt. Too much clothing. I carefully managed to ease her out of the shirt, removing it without waking her up. I tossed it into a corner. I needed to feel her skin, her warmth. Without her I was cold.

I wrapped my arms around her again, pulling her closer. The t-shirt slipped up but I barely noticed. I needed her. She was the only thing that kept me sane right now. That could make me forget, ease the pain just a little bit. I pulled her close, and she tried to concentrate on nothing but her.

It almost surprised me that I didn't wake her up, the way I clung to her. I must look pathetic but I didn't care. If she woke up now, I don't know what I would've done. I wouldn't have been able to control myself. I needed to feel her close to me. I would probably end up fucking her against the wall, if she'd let me.

No. I guess I wouldn't. She deserved better than that.

I drew a deep breath and buried my nose in her hair behind her neck. I closed my eyes and concentrated on nothing but her scent and her body pressed against mine. Right now, I needed her like air. I tried to make myself relax.

A cruel thought shot through me. I forced it away, but it left a clinging echo in my mind. It could have been worse, it said. It was cruel to even think it. But it was true. This sorrow, this loss, this emptiness. It could have been worse. It could have been more painful. I tightened my arms around the girl next to me and pinched my eyes together. That would never happen.'

A.N: I know. It's been depressing for a while now, hasn't it. These events will bring the two of them even closer though. And I'm going to make it up to you for the lack of smiles and cuddling very soon;)