Sorry this update took so long guys, life and school happened, yucky.
But without further ado, here's chapter four...
The next morning we're called into command. There is still some unrest in District 2 and they want a few of us to head there and try to figure out how best to get them to fully join the rebellion, they decided that Peeta and I should do some propo's out in the open, well not the literal open, just not so confined anymore. We agreed, of course, Peeta's got some bad press to make up for and they want to glean from that as much as they possibly can. As we make our way to the hovercraft a voice screams from behind me and I start, spinning around I see Madge.
"Madge?" I ask in shock. "I thought you died!"
"What?" she hesitates. "Oh, no, we made it out, not with Gale and them but we did make it here eventually." Her smile falters. "This place is terrible."
"I know," I whisper under my breath.
"Where are you going?" she asks staring between me and Peeta.
"More propo's," I say slowly.
"Ahh," she nods understandingly. "Sorry I can't join you, I've got to go find my father…" she stops. "Um, he and I were the only one's from my family to make it. He's in seclusion, won't come out of our room for anything."
"I see."
"Yeah," she sighs. "Well, I'm glad you're alright Katniss, and Peeta. Glad you're okay too."
"Thanks, Madge," I hesitantly hug her. "I'll come see you when I get back."
"Okay," she smiles and walks away.
"I thought she died," I look over at Peeta. "No one told me she lived."
"Maybe, they weren't telling you everything," says Peeta in a low voice.
"Really?" says Gale from behind us.
"Why would anyone have needed to tell you?" he looks surprised. "Its just Madge."
"Well," I say. "I'd have liked to know one of my friends survived."
"Oh," he says, stepping around me into the hovercraft.
"What was that all about?" Peeta asks as we step onto the ramp.
"I don't know," I say back.
The ride there is silent. No one says anything, does anything, and it almost sounds like no one is even breathing. Granted it didn't feel this tight in the air the last time this happened, so I don't know what it is . . . it's Peeta. Of course it's Peeta. Some people still haven't forgiven him for what he said to Caesar, and I get that, but it's not like he would have said any of that under normal circumstances.
"What exactly are we hoping to accomplish in 2?" Peeta finally asks, breaking the, now uncomfortable, silence. "Isn't that where all the Peacekeepers come from, or most of them? Wouldn't we have a hard time getting anything done there with them everywhere? I'm not saying this is a bad idea, but what exactly is going to happen once we're there? What are we hoping to accomplish?"
"We need 2 on our side," says Gale.
"Whatever the cost?" asks Peeta, eyes narrowing at Gale.
"Whatever the cost," says Gale nodding.
"So there's no limit to what we can do?" I ask. "No mercy, just do whatever it takes?"
"We're not monsters, Katniss," says Boggs. "We'll do what's necessary, but as little loss of human life as possible. We've lot too many already in this war with the Capitol, we don't need to lose any more unnecessary lives. People do matter to us too, you know. We're not hardened criminals that take pleasure in the pain of others. We risk our lives for what matters, not just for the bigger picture, though if that bigger picture should fail . . . and we lose this war, there's little else we can do about it. There's no point to go in ensuring the lives of those who would take others' away without a second thought."
"So, whoever gets in your way," I start, "is what you're saying?"
"No," says Boggs. "What I'm saying - what Gale's saying - is that we want to spare as many lives as possible, because while what Peeta said about a cease-fire, may have been right - however forced he was to say it - there is truth in it. And there can't be peace until all who oppose it are taken care of."
"And that's what Peacekeepers are?" I ask.
"No," Boggs sighs. "But what they do is important. It defines who they are from here on out. Who you became - who you and Peeta became - in that first arena, what you carried with you to the second, what you are now...that is what we're fighting for, because you're right. While loss of life is tragic, some is necessary. And going into a war, there's always going to be casualties."
"I suppose that's true," I say slowly.
"You don't have to like it, Katniss," says Gale. "But we need them on our side, one way or the other."
"I get it," I snap. "No, I really do. So what is the biggest issue in 2, what's holding the rest of the District up?"
"In the side of a mountain there is a - for lack of a different word - fortress for the Peacekeepers, and we haven't been able to breach it. Their defenses are too great, and they're are too many of them to try and take it. We can't risk it."
"So, in other words," I say. "It's a tough nut to crack."
"Exactly!" says Boggs, "and that's just what we're gonna call it. The Nut."
"Okay . . ." I say slowly.
"It's good Katniss," nods Gale. "Now it has a name and not the people."
"Which makes anything goes even more applicable?" I ask and everyone shakes their heads at me, even Peeta. So fine, I give up. I don't like military tactics, it's like being back in the arena and . . . it's like being back in the arena, there's really no other way to put it, not a one, not another way at all.
In the command room of the District 2 rebels, we talk about ways to get in, to crack the Nut for all it's worth. I don't know how that's going to work, I don't even know that they know how it's going to work, only that I know I probably won't be on board with it. I'm trying to be a silent part of this discussion, but when Gale suggests that we blow up what's around them, trapping them in . . .
"Gale," I yelp. "Like in a mine explosion? Like how both our fathers died? How could you ever want to do something like that to other people?"
"They're not other people, Katniss," he sighs. "In this instance they are the enemy, they work for the enemy."
"Maybe they don't have a choice," says Peeta speaking up. "Maybe they're being forced into submission, to do what the Capitol wants, much like what Finnick was saying. Maybe they made deals with Snow personally so that the people they love could be safe...and you want to endanger them in this way? Why, it's inhumane. I can't even believe you are thinking about it. Blowing them up like that?" Peeta is shaking his head fiercely. "So they can go bomb another district, do to it what they did to 12?"
"I'm sorry," I nod with Peeta. "I can't condone that."
"If we can control the blast," Beetee speaks up. "It could work. We could do it in one sweep. With little damage to the rest of the district. Cause an avalanche as it were."
"And you're okay with this?" I ask him.
"I don't see how we can do anything else," Beetee admits. "We want to take the Nut out, we want to incapacitate the Capitol, take away their army so they can't get to us in the way they're already convinced themselves that they can. We can't let them have any little victories, because little victories become big victories, every battle counts. There's nothing that's going to change that. Not for anything in the whole wide world."
"We could block the tunnels," says Gale.
"Trap them in there?" Peeta blurts out. "How is that a good idea?"
"Well," says Beetee, "It could work."
"I can't believe you are even thinking about that!" I glare at Gale. "Gale, it would be like what happened to our fathers in that mine explosion all over again. What if they have family? Someone that would miss them?"
"We're not having this discussion with you, Katniss," says Beetee. "You may be The Mockingjay, but that doesn't give you unauthorized feedback or grant you the right to any opinion you might wish you had." He wheels over to me. "There's nothing you can say in this matter. It's our call. And I agree with Gale, I say we blow up the area around the Nut, but I in a sense, also agree with Katniss. Loss of life - however unnecessary - would prove to be not very advantageous. So I agree, we won't close off the tunnels."
"Well," says Gale. "We can just have our guns ready when they do make it out, in case anyone refuses to surrender."
"Fine," says Beetee.
Peeta leans over to me, "I don't like it either, Katniss," he shrugs, "but it's obvious we don't have much of a say here."
"This is so wrong," I tell him.
"I know," says Peeta. "It's like the arena all over again, except on a bigger scale."
"Yeah," I nod. "And life matters just as much here as it did there. Kill or be killed, even if those who want to kill you, are doing you no harm at all."
"Well," says Peeta tilting his head, "you know that's not even true in the least. Unfortunately, this is not our choice."
"Everyone should have a choice," I tell him.
"Yeah," nods Peeta. "And yet we were reaped anyway."
"To be fair," I turn to him. "We both volunteered once, and we were both reaped once."
"I sure got lucky didn't I?" he asks with a wink.
I guess he would see it that way, despite any and everything he must have had to endure to get to this point. To get to here. I don't know all of what he went through in the Capitol, he hasn't fully talked about it yet. He's mentioned things in passing, or gives little cringes here and there, but for some reason he seems unable to talk about it, and it's not like I blame him, I probably wouldn't want to talk about it either.
"Not sure I agree with your definition of luck," I tell him.
"I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't agree with it," he shrugs. "What I went through in the Capitol, well, no one would consider that luck."
"How did you stand it?" I ask him.
"I just thought of you, and it seemed to make even the most grim of things," he shrugs and puts his arm around me. "Not feel quite so grim." I lock my arms around his waist. "The nightmares were killer. I'm not even sure I could list how many different ways you died. That was the hardest part, that you weren't there . . ." he pauses. "But then again, if you were, they probably would have killed you and made me watch. So it was better to know, that at least in some regard, you were here in 13 and safe from whatever the Capitol might want to do to you."
"I was sure they were going to kill you," I say quietly.
"After my warning?" he asks.
"Yeah," I tell him. I can still remember the blood splattering the white floor and I cringe.
"Oh," he puts his other arm around me. "I paid for it, but no. They didn't kill me."
I pretend to smack his arm but it just turns into a clenched fist, "I've lost you already, once before, you died in that arena. I could barely breathe, or think, or feel anything but sorrow. You can't die on me, you hear me?" I feel the tears coming. "You cannot die."
"I'll try not to," he says kissing me on the forehead. "You you, I'll try."
Then I can't hold it in anymore and the tears come freely. In seconds his chest is soaked with my tears. I can't breathe and he's stroking my back. He tells me it will be okay, we're together again, that no one will ever separate us again. But then I think, we've said that all before and it happened anyways . . . what would make right now any different at all? How would a promise this time, not to separate, erase all of it that happened before? How can we just pretend like that didn't happen? I left him at that tree, I kept the alliance, and it was my decision that landed him in the Capitol and in Snow's hands. I did all of this to him, how could he even want to look at me?
"I know what you're thinking," he says suddenly. "It's not all your fault." Gale looks at Peeta puzzled. "I didn't stop you from walking away from that tree. I kept the alliance just as much as you did. And I didn't leave when you wanted me to. We're both at fault here, Katniss, the blame does not fall solely on you."
"I know," I say. He's unconvinced.
"You don't," he shrugs, "but it's okay. We're both here now. We're safe, and we're away from Snow. We will make it through this. Whatever happens from here on out, I'll never leave your side again. We're in this together. We've been in this together since that first arena, since the moment we chose to team up - well, you came and found me - and that's not going to change any time soon."
"Good," I nuzzle back into his chest. "I don't want you to go anywhere, ever again."
"Okay," says Peeta with a smile. "I'll try not to go anywhere."
The people here are less inclined to accept mine and Peeta's sleeping arrangement and so we start off the night in separate rooms, but almost on queue when I wake from a dream screaming Peeta is through the door in an instant.
With tears streaming down my face, I ask him again, "Will you stay with me?"
With a wide smile on his face he crosses the room and climbs into bed with me. "I thought you'd never ask."
"That's not what you're supposed to say," I say wrapping my legs around one of his.
"Oh right," he nods. "Let's try that again."
"Peeta," I say. "Will you stay with me?"
I can hear the smile in his voice when he says, "Always." And the night is peaceful, and the sleep restful, and my heart hopeful. Peeta's always had a warmth surrounding him, and I've always felt it, whether his arms were around me or not, they usually were, but I get glimpses of that sweetness, that warmth, and the hope he brings to everything . . . and it's wonderful. I'm reminded of when I picked the dandelion, the day after he gave me the bread that saved me. The bread that gave me hope, and the dandelion that reminded me I wasn't doomed. Peeta is perfect, not in everything, he has flaws, just like any other person, but for me . . . for me he's perfect.
In the morning we're awoken by Gale, he sounds startled, must not have known that Peeta came in here last night. "Time to go," he says. "They want a propo immediately following the blast, for some reason, and you're both wanted."
"Okay," says Peeta sitting up. "We'll be right out."
"Aren't your clothes in another room?" asks Gale.
"No," I say. "I made him grab some the first night here."
"Fine," says Gale. "But hurry up and get in your uniforms. We need you on one of the roofs."
"Okay," Peeta and I say together as Gale retreats from the room.
"What is the propo supposed to be about," I say. "Killing a bunch of people to make a point...oh yeah, that's a great idea, it's like the Hunger Games. It's like me blowing up the Careers' food supply in the first arena. Yeah, let's just kill a whole lot of innocent people."
"Katniss," Peeta says, giving me a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "They already established we don't have a choice, so there's no use arguing it, let's just get ready and do what we're told to do, alright?"
"We don't seem to do anything else," I sigh. "The Capitol, Plutarch, Coin, Beetee, we're always a piece in someones games, and I hate it."
"Well, for right now," says Peeta getting dressed. "We don't have a choice."
"We've never had a choice."
"No," he agrees. "We haven't. It's always been kill or be killed . . . will it ever be any other way?"
"I don't know," says Peeta shoving my uniform at me. "But we can talk about it later. Get dressed."
It's not much later when the Nut is blown. For a long time we see no one coming from the tunnels and I'm afraid we may have just killed an undetermined amount of people today. So much killing, I can hardly stand it. How can anyone be okay with this? I've killed people. In the arena it was kill or be killed, is it that way here now too?
We're supposed to do a propo and Haymitch afraid that we'd get blown to pieces made us come in off the roof. Sitting by the Justice Building I can't help but wonder how many families lost someone in that blast. It just isn't right. Haymitch is going to feed me a speech, I don't know how or why he thinks that's a good idea, and he probably doesn't, but whatever the reason I'm standing, a camera is on me, and I'm ready to speak.
"People of District Two, this is Katniss Everdeen speaking to you from the steps of your Justice Building where-"
The a pair of trains come screeching into the station. They must have had some idea of what would be awaiting them because they come out with weapons...and maybe Gale and Beetee were right, and maybe there is nothing we can do, and maybe they are as bad as everyone in the Capitol but I can't stop myself.
"Stop!" I yell at the rebels. "Hold your fire!" The words echo around the square and beyond as the mike amplifies my voice. "Stop!" I'm nearing the young man who collapsed, reaching down to help him, when he drags himself up to his knees and trains his gun at my head.
I instinctively back up a few steps, raise my bow over my head to show my intention was harmless. Now that he has both hands on his gun, I notice that ragged role in his cheek where something-falling stone maybe-punctured the flesh. He smells of burning things, hair and meat and fuel. His eyes are crazed.
"Freeze," Haymitch's voice whispers in my ear. I follow his order, realizing that this is what all of District 2, all of Panem maybe, must be seeing at the moment. The Mockingjay at the mercy of a man with nothing to lose.
His garbled speech is barely comprehensible. "Give me one reason I shouldn't shoot you."
"Katniss," says Peeta from behind me, I wave him back, and he stops.
"I can't." I tell him. "That's the problem, isn't it?" I lower my bow. "We blew up your mine. You burned my district to the ground. We've got every reason to kill each other. So do it. Make the Capitol happy. I'm done killing their slaves for them." I drop my bow on the ground and give it a nudge with my boot. It slides across the stone and comes to rest at his knees.
"Are you sure about that, Katniss?" Peeta whispers behind me. I nod my head slightly.
"I'm not their slave," the man mutters.
"I am," I say. "That's why I killed Cato . . . and he killed Thresh . . . and he killed Clove . . . and she tried to kill me. It just goes around and around, and who wins? Now us. Not the districts. Always the Capitol. But I'm tired of being a piece in their Games."
"So am I," says Peeta. "I'm done, too." He puts his gun on the ground and shoves it away from himself. "I don't like being the Capitol's pawn. I won't do it anymore. I'm not their slave either."
"Keep talking. Tell them about watching the mountain go down," Haymitch insists.
"When I saw that mountain fall tonight, I thought . . . they've done it again. Got me to kill you-the people in the districts. But why did I do it? District Twelve and District Two have no fight except the one the Capitol gave us." The young man blinks at me uncomprehendingly. I sink on my knees before him, my voice low and urgent. "And why are you fighting with the rebels on the rooftops? With Lyme, who was your victor? With people who were your neighbors, maybe even your family?"
"I don't know," says the man. But he doesn't take his gun off me.
I rise and turn slowly in a circle, addressing the machine guns. "And you up there? I come from a mining town. Since when do miners condemn other miners to that kind of death, and then stand by to kill whoever manages to crawl from the rubble?"
"Who is the enemy?" whispers Haymitch.
"These people"-I indicate the wounded bodies on the square-"are not your enemy!" I whip back around to the train station. "The rebels are not your enemy! We all have one enemy, and it's the Capitol! This is our chance to put an end to their power, but we need every district person to do it!"
The cameras are tight on me as I reach out my hands to the man, to the wounded, to the reluctant rebels across Panem. "Please! Join us!"
My words hang in the air. I look to the screen, hoping to see them recording some wave of reconciliation going through the crown.
Instead I watch Peeta get shot on live television.