Plutarch would label the party a huge success, I however would call it an extreme bore. He had the whole thing planned out from start to finish, leaving us little time, or room to actually enjoy ourselves. How Plutarch managed to get all of the accoutrements and niceties in here, I have no idea. It was almost as extravagant as a normal Capitol party. Thankfully there was nothing to let us throw up. I imagine on that point Coin refused. That being said, that would be the only decision I have ever fully agreed upon with that woman.
Gale seems to find more admirable qualities in her than I believe that woman possesses in her little finger, but it's not for me to judge. I don't get what he sees in her though. I cannot understand her, her thought processes, or what exactly it is that she plans to do once this war is over. I can't say that I would immediately jump to defend or stand behind her. Alma Coin does not possess any qualities that I would want in a leader, but I suppose when it comes down to it, it won't really matter what I think about her. If the people want her, I suppose that's what will happen. Regardless of my thoughts on the matter.
However, tonight's not about Coin so I shouldn't devote so much of my thoughts to her.
"Oy!" comes a shout from behind me. "Brainless. I'm assuming you're going to want me to move out of our compartment?"
"Nonsense," I tell her shaking my head. "It's as much your room now as it is mine. I'd never do that to you. We are going to share that room. Period. You're not going to get away from me that easy." I smile at her and her face drops.
"Thanks, Katniss." As soon as she's finished my name she is running down the hall towards our room.
Peeta comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me, "that was very nice of you."
"She's not leaving that room," I tell him confidently. "I won't let her."
"Of course not," I can feel him shake his head. "She needs you. She'll probably never admit it, but she needs you. You are important to her. I think that despite what caring has cost her in the past...she genuinely cares about you."
"Well, I don't know about that," I shrug.
"Trust me, Katniss," he turns me around to face him. "She cares."
"That's a sweet thought, but what makes you say that?" He grabs me by the shoulders and looks right straight into my eyes.
"Katniss, trust me."
"I trust you Peeta," I reassure him. "It's just odd that you would see it when I can't."
"You're not exactly the most observant person in the world Katniss," he laughs. "Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there or it doesn't exist."
"I guess that's true," I shrug. He's right of course. If there's something to be noticed, I'll probably miss it for sure. If I'm hunting there's not a sound, not a movement, not the snap of a branch in the distance that I don't hear because it could be a matter of life and death. In the forest I have to be on the top of my game, I have to be ready for anything. Here in District 13 I'm not as observant. I don't see what goes on behind closed doors. I don't know what people are thinking or feeling. In that sense Peeta is absolutely right.
"Come on," he drops his arms and takes my hand, "let's go to bed. I don't know about but you I'm exhausted!"
I laugh and pull him behind me as we go back to our bedroom. When we get there Johanna is out like a dead person so Peeta and I quietly creep into the room, pull off our wedding clothes, and crawl in to bed. I curl up beside, warm in his embrace, and fall asleep instantly.
After a few brief weeks of training, Finnick, Johanna, Peeta, and I are ready to take on Panem as a whole. After a particularly stressful day I collapse onto the bed and enter into a sleep I have rarely enjoyed in the whole entirety of my life. While being married if kind of nice, to be seventeen and married...well, there's a lot of harsh criticism there. Finnick is twenty-five, Annie is even older than I am, while some people still consider that too young, Peeta and I are no exception. It's a matter of gossip - which is odd for District 13 - that we don't see dying away anytime soon, if ever. I have no nightmares, and the one time I wake up it's not for long, Peeta pulls me into his arms and I'm fast asleep again.
I'm awoken by a slight shake of my arm. I open my eyes slowly. It's Gale. In my room. What is going on? Why is he in here? I cannot think of any logical reason for his being here, perhaps that's because I'm so tired and the thought of having to do anything right now is making me want to roll over and ignore that he's here...but I can't.
"What?" I snap at him.
"We need you in command." He says plainly glancing over at a sound asleep Peeta.
"Oh," I stretch and shove Peeta awake.
"We don't need Peeta," says Gale through his teeth.
"Why?" I glare at him.
"They're not quite ready to divulge everything to him,"
"Hasn't he proven himself more than enough already?" I screech. "He was in the Capitol Gale. He said what he had to in order to stay alive. You and I both know he'd never have said any of that without prodding. Without knowing it meant the difference between life and death. He's more than earned-"
"Katniss his interviews did a lot of damage," he shakes his head profusely. "Just because you don't want that to be true doesn't meant that it isn't. And it doesn't, can't, and won't erase what he did or said."
"He had no choice!" I shout sitting bolt upright.
"Take it up with Coin," says Gale as he spins and leaves the room.
Peeta having heard my shouting sits straight up in the bed and looks at me, "what is wrong?"
"They still don't trust you!" I am now shaking because of how angry I am.
"Well, I can understand that…" he says slowly.
"I don't," I fold my arms over my chest. "This is utterly ridiculous. You've already been in command, they've already talked to you, they let you go to District 2 with me, they took care of you after you'd been shot. And they still don't trust you!"
"It's okay Katniss," he says rubbing my shoulders.
"It's not."
Peeta sighs heavily. "Katniss, it is what it is. If you thought it was going to change just because we got married...I'm sorry, but I don't think that was going to happen. Not right now anyways. When they decide they need me, or want me involved, Katniss then you know I will be." He gives me a stern shake and then pushes me out of the bed. "Go. You don't want to miss the meeting."
"Yes," I say firmly. "Yes I most certainly do."
"Brainless," Johanna says through gritted teeth. "Get the hell out of this room and go to the damn meeting before I take your pretty annoying brown face and striking gray eyes and cause some sort of accident involving you and any damn instrument I can get my hands on!" Then she spins around and glares so harshly at me that I don't dawdle anymore.
Johanna is a really special and one of a kind individual. I always wonder what makes her tick. What must she have gone through in her life to get to this point? I know how she won her Games. Peeta and I had watched it on the train back before the Quarter Quell. I knew I'd never want to go up against her, and I guess I still would not like to be on her bad side, or make her mad either, for that matter. She's special. I don't think she knows that, moreover, I don't think she'd even care. She's so damaged it's a wonder she manages to do anything at all.
I still can't get it out of my head what she said in the Quell...about how they couldn't get to her because, "there's no one left that I love." What had happened to them? Did they face the same fate that Haymitch's family and Bonnie did? What had happened to make her so bitter and distrustful? Why was she always so on guard all the time? Why are her walls that she's built up so damn impossible to penetrate? I wonder these questions daily when I can see a glance at her. There's something incredibly tortured behind her eyes. I'd ask her if I didn't think she'd consider - if not completely follow through - shoving an axe in my face.
I only break my concentration on Johanna when I realize I've made it to Command. I don't even remember getting dressed, but apparently that happened, because I'm once again back in the drab gray clothes of District 13. I take a deep breath as the door opens.
"Good morning Miss Everdeen," says Plutarch energetically. "Or would you prefer Mrs. Mellark?"
The thought of the previous Mrs. Mellark makes me cringe, "Katniss is fine."
"Ah, I see," nods Plutarch slowly. "Whatever you say...Katniss."
"Well regardless of what you choose your last name to be," interrupts Coin, "it matters not right now. Now Katniss, I realize you've noticed that Peeta was not invited to this meeting." I give her a look polar opposite of benevolence and she continues without hesitation. "There is a reason for that. We're not sure how stable he would be in this instance."
"'This instance'?" there's more apprehension in my voice than I was hoping for.
"We think we are finally ready to make our way into the Capitol," says Boggs plainly.
"And Peeta can't be here for this, why?" asks Gale surprisingly. "I mean I support that he may not be stable enough to go to the Capitol - in and of itself - but I don't see any real reason why he can't be a part of this meeting. What is the exception this time? Why could he be at previous ones but this one is just out of the question?"
"Soldier Hawthorne," Coin speaks, almost as if she was never interrupted. "We will be sending a team into the Capitol and we do not think that he would be emotionally stable enough for such a trip. Johanna Mason will be excluded from this as well."
"Have you met her?" I say a bit more sardonic than I intended. "If she wants to go somewhere or do something, she's going to do it, regardless and especially in spite of you telling her not to. I actually think she'd take it as encouragement to do the thing you tell her she can't do."
"While we realize and understand that is very likely," starts Plutarch.
"It matters not," states Coin. "We do not think that it would be wise, or safe, for her or Mr. Mellark to go. Frankly, I do not think that you should be going either Katniss, but against my better judgment and at the behest of Plutarch and Haymitch I am going to allow it. But there will be rules that you will have to follow, are we clear?"
"What about Peeta?" I shrug. "What exactly am I supposed to tell him?"
"We won't worry about that at this moment Katniss," Coin continues. "Right now we'd just like to talk to the few of you here. But before we begin we're waiting on Finnick Odair who will be making an appearance shortly, I hope." With that, almost as if summoned, the door opens to reveal Finnick on the other side of it.
"Alright, the party can start now," he says laughing but then stops immediately when seeing the expressions on the faces of both Plutarch and Coin, owing to the fact that he's not taking this meeting serious enough. "And now it ends." He sputters and then stops beside me, whispering in my ear, "tough crowd." I nod, acknowledging that I heard him, but also not daring to speak either.
"Now that we're all here and accounted for," starts Plutarch as he explains the layout of the Capitol...they've turned it into an arena in and of itself, with the help of the Holo (a device that's sort of like a map) he explains, essentially that it's a suicide mission...but not in so many words.
I'm unaware that I'm moving until my hand collides with Finnick's. Tense. Of course, only another Victor would see what I saw so quickly. I cup the green blinking light in my hand. I was right before...when I thought it looked like an arena. But upon closer inspection I see that it is an arena. Sure, they're not sending children in there in an effort to keep the Districts in line - that is pointless at this point - but to keep the Districts out. To surround themselves with such violent repellants, is only a thing Gamemakers would think of. Of course, they'd have Gamemakers protecting the city. I guess it makes sense, poor, misguided, abhorrent sense nonetheless.
Finnick cups a similarly blinking red light resting above a doorway. "Ladies and Gentlemen…"
His voice is quiet but I join him loudly, "Let the Seventy-Sixth Hunger Games begin!"
I laugh. Quickly. Before anyone can sense exactly what I mean.
"I don't even know why you bothered to put Finnick and me through training," I say.
"Yeah, we're already the two best-equipped soldiers you have," Finnick adds cockily.
"Do not think that fact escapes me," he says with an impatient wave. "Now back in line, Soldiers Odair and Everdeen. I have a presentation to finish."
We retreat to our places, ignoring the questioning looks thrown our way. I adopt an attitude of extreme concentration as Plutarch continues, nodding my head here and there, shifting my position to get a better view, all the while telling myself to hang on until I can get to the woods and scream. Or curse. Or cry. Or maybe all three at once.
If this was a test, Finnick and I both pass it. When Plutarch finishes and the meeting's adjourned, I have a bad moment when I learn there's a special order for me. But it's merely that I skip the military haircut because they would like the Mockingjay to look as much like the girl in the arena as possible at the anticipated surrender. For the cameras, you know. I shrug to communicate that my hair length's a matter of complete indifference to me. They dismiss me without further comment.
In the hallway Finnick stops me in a slight panic. "What do I tell Annie?"
"Nothing," I tell him plainly. "That's exactly what I'm telling Peeta. Nothing."
"Don't you think they deserve to know?" he's incredibly flustered. "What about your mother and sister?"
"They will be hearing, exactly and not limited to, as much as Peeta will be hearing."
"You really think Peeta would let you do this alone?" says Finnick indignantly.
"No," I say plainly, "but that's why I won't be telling him about it at all."
"Katniss," cautions Finnick, "he volunteered to die in an arena just so you could come home to your family … family that now includes him. Thinking he would let you just leave to do something so risky without him is an extremely naive way of thinking. Or extreme sense of denial."
"Finnick-" he shakes his head and I stop.
"Katniss," he sighs, "there is no way in hell that Peeta is going to let you go anywhere remotely dangerous without him. It's just not going to happen. The sooner you stop pretending that he's going to magically not care, and let you go to the big bad Capitol and face Snow alone...the better it will be for the rest of us. I can tell Annie, but they'd never let her go, and I'd never let her go. But if you don't tell Peeta-"
"Don't tell me what?" comes his voice as Peeta emerges from around the corner.
"Ha!" cries Finnick in awkwardness, "you're on your own Everdeen."
"Really?" I call after him as he takes off in the opposite direction that Peeta's just come from. I turn back to face Peeta as he crosses his arms over his chest and gives me the most condescending look that can come from such a peaceful person. "No."
"What is it you're not going to tell me?" he looks at me with ever the slightest hit of indignation.
"How much did you actually hear?" he can hear the apprehension in my voice.
"Just the 'but if you don't tell Peeta,' part." There's a long pause that becomes staunch in manner and appearance by a slight glare that crosses his otherwise reserved features. "Katniss, whatever it is, you can tell me. Whatever happens, since the first arena till now, and through the rest of whatever future we have...we'll face it together, just like we always have. If it's something dangerous - which I've gathered as much from how quickly Finnick abandoned you - you're not going to go through that alone."
"Why did you volunteer?" his face registers hurt at the question. "You were safe. You were fine. Haymitch and I were going back in. You could have stayed here and lived the entire rest of your life in peace-" he puts a single finger to my lips and I stop talking.
"I volunteered," he drops his arms and his knee with the prosthetic gives out a little, "because we protect each other. It's what we do. It's what we've always done. I wasn't about to let you face that arena without me."
"But you knew you might die-"
"If you don't already know that dying was part of my plan-"
"Bad plan," I cut him off.
"Hypocrite."
We stand and stare at each other for a long time before we both crack and thrust our arms out at the other. Never had I been hit quite so hard as in this moment right here. We were both prepared - and planned - to die in that arena for the other. We both survived that arena (and the subsequent months following) by an unknown force. I know he's right. That was what we both planned...we said as much.
Peeta's arms are always so warm, strong, and comforting I can't help but burst into tears. I cry for a little while and he just holds onto me. He's right, we always have protected each other. It is what we do. Since the very beginning. Since the bread. Everything we've done leading up to this point has been - in one way or another - for the preservation of the other...with complete disregard to our own selves.
"I'm sorry," I croak pulling away from him. "I just don't want you to get involved."
"I'm already involved," he shakes his head. "So why don't you clue me in before I do something stupid to find out."
I stare at him weighing my alternatives. I finally decide there isn't one. He went through training too, and despite my better judgment, he should be able to get his revenge on the Capitol too. They took more from him than they ever did me, and if anyone deserves to make them pay, it certainly is Peeta. Peeta and Haymitch. Both lost their family. Both were left alone. Snow has to pay for what he's done. Peeta deserves to have that chance.
"We're going to the Capitol," I choke. "I'm going to kill Snow."
Peeta nods his head slowly as the weight of what I've just said sinks in, "I'm going with you."
"It's not going to be easy," I caution.
"When has anything we've ever done been easy?" there's no condemnation in his voice, no judgment, no hostility...he simply makes his point. I nod in agreement. "So what in particular makes this trip not easy?"
"They've got the Capitol protected," I pause, not for dramatic effect, just weighing my next words carefully. "It's guarded by pods, explosives, poisons, mutts...they're pulling out all the stops to keep themselves protected - for Snow to stay protected. We're going to have to really work at it this time, not that we haven't before, but it's going to be more dangerous than anything we've done before."
"That's not a problem," says Peeta with confidence. "We'll get through that just like we have every arena before … that's what you're saying isn't it? We're going back into another arena, whether we like it or not?"
"Yes," I nod, "that unfortunately, is exactly what I'm saying."
"It'll be alright," he gives a slight laugh before pulling me into his arms again, "we have each other."