Authors Note: I'm SO SO SO SORRY. SO SORRY. I took like, 15 million years Dx 3 months is like. Wow. What the hell. So you know.. yeah, I'm sorry . But uh, be expecting updates every Friday D Now, onto the very long wait of wait.( Kyle's P.O.V)
I kicked a stone angrily as I walked down the frozen path to my house. This day had not gone the way I had planned. At all. Well what did I expect? The fat ass to double over like a mad dog and proclaim his hidden love for me? Bull shit. I should've known. I stopped in front of my house and glared at it. Those walls held nothing to protect me from anything or anyone. No place like home, my ass. Walking up the steps, I glanced back at the snow behind me. It sent some sort of longing stare into my soul. Fuck it, I turned around and decided to lye in it.
Gaaahhh. Why is life so hard? I'm freezing my ass off, and for what?
"You know, dumb ass, you can get hypothermia from sitting there." A voice from the left of me spoke up.
"I know" I retorted, sitting up to stare at the figure who had given me the common-sense advice I didn't need, but accepted anyway.
"What's eating you, Jew-Frodo?" The girl, who I couldn't quite figure out who she was yet in this slight storm, said.
"Nothing…Riles?" I questioned.
"Sup Kyle?" She grinned and stepped out of the snowy fog, revealing those piercing hazel eyes of hers. Her black scarf whipped and whirled in the wind, but she didn't mind. Miss Rylee here is one of my best friends, the beautiful Italian. She sat down next to me.
"I heard what happened at school today…may I ask, what he said?" Her concerned eyes scanned my face, as if searching for some sign of emotion that I wouldn't give.
"It's what he didn't say was what pissed me off." I grimaced, thinking about what had happened no less than 3 hours ago.
Rylee was deep in thought, staring off into the distance in front of her, while mindlessly playing with the strap on her red and black plaid hoodie-jacket.
"The note. He wrote it?" She asked particularly no one, although I knew she was speaking to me.
"He did. And that's another element of what pissed me off"
"Aww, he's gay for you!"
"No, he isn't"
"Jew-Frodo-In-Denial-Say what?"
"I said he isn't. The note was all a trick" I shrugged nonchalantly, or at least that's how I wish I felt.
I'll be honest, some part of me was disappointed. I mean crap, to know that Eric Theodore Cartman had a massive gay crush on the Jew he had hated for years? That's pure gold. A bomb placed right in my hand.
If that bomb was ever real, of course.
But it wasn't. So fuck.
Rylee looked over at me and sighed. Those eyes of hers were staring into my soul. She kissed me on my cheek, making it warm and red. Now mind you, I don't like her like that, nor does she like me like that. We've been friends for a while, she's like the sister I never had or wanted. But I love Rylee, because she's just.. Well, Rylee.
"Kyle… why don't you just admit you like him?" I almost did a double take. Admit lies? What the hell was she talking about?
"Because I DON'T" I said a little more harshly than I had wanted it to. She smiled.
"Then why are you so frus-"
"KYLE ABRAHAM BROFLOVSKI JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING OUTSIDE IN THE STORMMMM?" I winced as Rylee and I turned around to witness my mother, in all her barbaric glory, with her hands on her hips and a flushed frown on her face. Lord, she was pissed.
"GGEETCCHHOOOO SELF INSIDE!.. Oh, Meredith, how are you love? Would you like to come inside with Bubblah and have some hot chocolate?" She yelled at me, than sweet toothed her.
Ever wondered why moms were so mean to you, but kiss asses when it came to your friends?
Perhaps it was just Rylee, since she did want me and her together.
Unfortunately that wouldn't happen. Gross.
I have to hand it to her, she WAS trying hard.
So we got our lazy asses up and walked over to the inside of my living room.
I flopped on the couch and grabbed the remote from the sleeping Ike's hand and flipped it over to the Terrance and Phillip show. Yes, I'm sixteen years old and still watch this. Rylee sat between my legs on the floor and sighed.
"Riles?" I asked.
"Kyle, why don't you just admit it?" she kicked at the cherry wood coffee table in the center of the room.
"Because then I'd be admitting to lies. You don't want that, do you?" I looked down at her. Green and hazel met. She pouted with her eyes and I couldn't help but smile. She's trying to use her pretty girl spell on me. Well hell, it won't work. Her jet black hair tickled my knees.
"You need to free your brain, my dearest Frodo. Or I'll do it for you" We stayed in this spider-man ish position, her looking upside down to me and me looking upside down to her. It was cute, but dorkishly gay.
We didn't notice my mom walk in with the chocolate. In fact, we were so engrossed in our game of 'read my mind' that we didn't notice her whip out a camera and snap a picture.
Bitch
"And you said there was nothing between you two, aye?" I jerked my head up in her direction. Gah!
"Mom! God damnit!" I stood up and grabbed the trey, embarrassed as fuck that she had seen me in one of the gayest positions of my life.
"Don't be ashamed Kyle dear. It had to happen sooner or later" My mother grinned and evil grin at me. Psshaww fuck.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rylee slowly get up. Sending her a questioning glance, she started speaking
"Thank you for allowing me in your home, Mrs. Broflovski, but I best be on my way now" She shoved her hands in her pockets as she stared me down. "My buddy over here has some thinking to do. Do me a favor, Frodo, and sort it out."
"Nonsense, child! You must stay for dinner!" My mother insisted, but Rylee turned her down
"I mustn't, my parents would be worried sick." She kissed me on the nose and waved goodbye as she left.
My mom smiled.
Thank you Rylee, for kissing me IN FRONT of my mom
Blah.
And what is she talking about? I have nothing to think over.
At all.
And why are YOU looking at me like that? What?
I grabbed the hot chocolate. "I uh..think I'll go upstairs. Real quick" I dashed up the stairs before my mom could call me back, and flopped on my bed.
My room is gay.
This house is gay.
My life is gay
.Life.
These blue comforters shed no comfort for me. Badly named mother fuckers.
I buried my face in this pillow of mine, trying to think.
Thinking is useless.
"You stupid, stupid brother" I heard Ike groan from behind me
"Go away, Ike" I stated. I wasn't in the mood for his genius solutions.
"I refuse. You have shit to talk about, tada, I'm right here, dufus." I watched him from the corner of my eyes as he leaned on my door, flipping his black hair out of his face.
Pimp.
"You know nothing about what's going on, go back to your 7th grader hell."
"Cartman wrote you a ridiculous note about how he likes you and you feel screwed over because of it. Yeah dude, for some reason you and your little gang of friends are huge at my school."
Fuck. Does everyone in the world know about this?
WHY GOD WHY?
"Okay so, you know what's going on. Happy now?" I sat up and glared at him
"Nope. I still have to listen to you whine like some bitch on Oprah. Now lay it on me" He sat in my directors chair and stared at me. Although annoying, Ike knew me like he knew every word in that stupid book of his. That's disturbing, but comforting.
"Alright so, I went to school on Monday and found this gay note in my locker. It's really crap, but it still was weird. I gathered you read it?" I asked Ike.
"Yup. He failed miserably at quoting Demarcio" He said.
"Well yeah. Anyways, so Stan says that's weird, and then I say I think it's Bebe. But then Kenny says Bebe's to fucking stupid to have written it, blah blah blah. Then Butters says Cartman wrote it, which I thought was bull but then I confronted him and he said we should talk and.."
"Slow down, partner. He said you two should talk?" Ike questioned me while quirking his eyebrow. I nodded.
"Yup. And god you won't believe what he said.."
Time Skip: 3 hours ago
Eric Cartman's P.O.V
"Alright fat ass, you tell me what the hell is going on. NOW." Kyle shouted angrily in my direction. I knew Kenny couldn't be trusted. Poor people are NEVER to be trusted
I had to think. Sure, I loved Kyle. But did he need to know that? Pfft of course not! Not yet, at least.
I needed a better approach. Who ever admitted to loving someone under the pressure of a note? No..I needed more time. I needed.. a distraction. I could wait for the bell to ring…No, I can't stall for 10 minutes. I could pretend to faint? Pfft, hell no. I may be gay but I'm not a girl. Damn. I could punch Kyle in the gut and knock him out…No, I loved the little sucker. Seeing him wince in pain will not help my situation at all.
So I was stuck
Well fuck.
Then I had an idea.
It was a gay idea, but an idea nonetheless
"Alright, jew. So you caught me" I brushed him off nonchalantly, turning on my heels towards the other direction. Before I had turned, I caught a glimpse of disbelief and shock in those green eyes of his. Heh, hook, line and sinker.
"W-what? Your admitting it so easily?" He followed me down the hall like a sick puppy. I thought he was smarter than this, but, heh, it happens.
"Admitting that my scheme of that gay little note drove you mad like I intended? Why yes. Yes I am" I smirked at my lie, because it was obvious as shit that it was working. I turned.
Oh god, his expression was both satisfying and heartbreaking. I didn't want to lie to him, but aye, I have to protect my reputation as a non-feeling asshole.
"What? …. You mean..This was all a trick?" He stuttered angrily. I nodded in a crude, "You dumb ass bitch" way.
His fist tightened as well as his body. It sickened me to see him like this.. but. I had to.
At the same time, I smirked. He looked up at me with those green eyes of his, his body still shaking. I swear if he didn't stop he'd shake the orange jacket right off his scrawny body. I could see his gray shirt with his name on it in red. I liked that shirt
I had stolen it from him the other day
And boy did it smell good.
What? I used it AGAINST him
Oh shut up, and stop looking at me like that
Suddenly, the Jew tore me from my thoughts with a swift punch in the gut.
"OW! AYE!" I yelled, falling on the floor. Shit! I never knew he could punch that hard with those dainty little hands of his! He lowered himself to me, and looked into my eyes sternly
If I dared say, it almost scared me.
"Cartman… You really, REALLY screwed up" He said, pain and disappointment dripping from his voice. He got up slowly and walked the other direction. His words chilled my very soul. If I had one, at least. What had he meant by me screwing up? I did this all the time, what difference would it have been now? It's not as if
Not as if he had the same feelings for me.. Right?
Look what he did, he got me thinking
I don't FUCKING think!
-Kyle's P.O.V-
"So, yeah, that's what happened" I finished the flashback to Ike, and he shook his head.
"Wow, when I'm sixteen, I hope I don't have any of your bromances" He chuckled, still leaning on my wall
"I DON'T LIKE HIM! DAMNIT!" I shouted, louder than I had intended. Why is it, that I'm the only one who sees that even if I DID like him, that it would never work? I've never heard of a Nazi and a Jew being in a relationship. And other than that, Cartman DISGUSTS me! The ONLY thing I could mention him being good for.. Was those beautiful brown eyes of his!
-WHAT?
"Whatever, dude. If you like him, you like him" I raised an eyebrow at Ike as he rocked on his heels. He stopped and then walked towards me, getting closer and closer to my face. What was he doing? Our noses were touching, up to a point where… it got uncomfortable. Suddenly he doubled over and kissed me on the cheek.
I felt my face flush from embarrassment. Why is my brother kissing me? He has done it before, I mean, he IS my brother. But we were.. YOUNGER. This was just.. Weird. I mean, I'm not ENJOYING it. Like, not at all.
He pulled away from me and smirked at my expression. When did he turn into such an asshole? Do yourself a favor, and don't ask me.
"If you tell me you didn't enjoy that, I'll make Moses smack you with his dick for lying" He straightened up and looked at me.
I couldn't have wanted to smack the Canadian right off his face anytime more than I had wanted to right now.
" I DID NOT!"
"Sure you didn't, faggot"
"Shut up"
"Never"
"I love you, dude"
"Whatever, dumb ass"
I gave him a noogie then kicked him out of my room. I needed to talk to my wife for a bit, and he didn't need to hear our conversati-
What? Why are you looking at me like that?
Is it because I said wife? I have one!
You already met her, dude. Rylee?
No dude, I don't like her like that. Best friends can be wives and husbands too.
Oh shut up, and stop laughing.
I picked up the phone and started dialing. I hoped to god her father doesn't answer. Cause well, he doesn't like me much. I'll explain later, if he answers. Please God, don't make him answer
"Hello?" I heard someone, meanly, answer the phone.
"Hi, can I speak to Meredith please?" I asked the voice. Shhhittttt. It was Mr. Acqua.
Now see, he doesn't like me because I fake proposed to Rylee the other day. We were practicing for the school play and, well, I decided to play a little joke on her. The "ring'' I gave her had whipped cream in it, so the minute she touched it, BOOM! All over her face. It was funny, I stood up as she fell to the ground and well, that's when her dad decided to walk it. It looked like I had.. you know… released myself on her face. Which I would never do, because she's my best friend, but eh yeah.
"Is this Kyle?" He asked me roughly, I could feel the anger flowing in his brain
" Yes sir" I replied
"She isn't here" He answered, in the background I could hear someone protesting
"Papa! Vorrei parlare con lui!" A girl, I believe Rylee demanded.
"Ma, zucca, e il ragazzo Kyle! Lo sai che non gli piace!" He answered softly back to her. Obviously, whatever he had said, didn't stop her from grabbing the phone from his hands.
" Papa, lui e il mio migliore amico. Vorrei parlare con lui, per favore?" I sensed that she had asked him something. He sighed
"Certo. Ma solo dieci minuti." He walked off, obviously defeated. It was then I remembered
"Oh, I forgot, your Italian, right?" I laughed into the phone, and I could just taste her grin
"Why yes, Frodo, I most certainly am. Wassup?" She replied
"Nothing much, I still have that fat tub of lard swimming in my mind" I leaned on my directors chair and fiddled with a pencil, nesting the phone between my shoulder and ear.
"What is it with you and pride? You like him, just admit it!" I heard her say. And I decided to try something.
"But.. Riles… It's not him I love. It's.. somebody else" I trailed off.
"Oh god, who is he or she? I must know if I'm gonna be your best..eh.. Woman!" She pried.
"It's… it's you. I love you Riles" I held my breath.
I heard nothing over the phone. Had she put it down? I didn't hear a dial tone…
Suddenly I heard her burst into a fit of giggles. I joined in.
No, You guys, I wasn't serious.
Ha to you.
"Dude, you almost made me spit out my cranapple juice. What the fuck was that?" She asked between laughs.
"Dunno, see what happens when you drive me mad?" I grinned over the receiver. She continued laughing her Italian ass off.
"Ahhh. You made my day, congratulations." She sighed over the phone.
"Sure. Making your day makes me happy." I smiled. Tsk, Rylee. I love her so much. I mean, Her being my best friend along with Stan.. I just don't know where I would be without them.
"So, ehhh, What do you plan on doi-" She stated, but was interrupted by a sudden command blaring in the background
"Meredith! Scendere il telefono e aiutare Nicholas preparare la cena!" Her mother, Airiana, shouted. I loved that woman, although it's strange at how she would clearly hint that she wanted me and Rylee to be together, which I don't understand.
"Oh, mamma! Sto arrivando!" Riles answered her mother, then told me "Alright, Frodo, I best be on my way. May-ma wants me to make dinner with Nickers before he bombs the kitchen AGAIN" she grimaced as an "I HEARD that!" was thrown at her.
"Mmmkay. Bye wifu" I sighed into the phone.
"Bye habu" she replied following with a dial tone.
I sighed.
What a life for me, right?
Now, one last thing I need to do. I mean, facebook so totally needs to know everything that's going on in my life, so why keep it waiting? I signed on, clicked on my status and wrote:
"Just got off the phone with my wifu Meredith Acqua after debating my freaking dumb ass situation. My life fails so badly. And apparently, I heard Kenny got killed by flying panties. Since I wasn't there to hear the story, not that I want to, I'll give my tribute. OHMYGOD, THEYKILLEDKENNY! YOU BASTARDS!"
I clicked "share'' and watched as it became my status. I swear to god I'll get a fuck load of notifications tomorrow about how I had called Riles my wifu. Surprisingly enough, people thought Her and I were madly in love. Ha, I know right? Anyways, I'm tired, and I have shit dreams to dream. So I'll flop on my bed and sleep.
Sleep of shit I don't want to think about
Like those big brown eyes of that fat tub of lard's.
And his floppy brunette hair that always falls on his right eye, then somehow saunters over to his lef-
WHAT THE FUCK?
A/N: Yessss, I had promised to have it on Monday, but my dad totaly stole my computer from me! Dx. I'm on here on Wednesday morning at about 1: 30 am. Like shit dude. I'm sorry i took this long. Bomb me bomb me =w= I promise to update every Friday, if i fail to it's cause of school, my parents taking my computer away, i died or i'm sick. Okai? Anyways, this is my longest chapter in the history of all my chapters. LIKE WOAH SO HAPPEH D So uh.. yeah.. review, my babies!