Her Favorite Boy
Chapter 15: This Is
Tamaki trailed behind his mother, gazing at the familiar landscape before him. Everything was the same as he remembered—the red brick walls stood fading in the background, the vines crawling and embracing the mass, as if deprived.
"What's happening?" He heard his mother ask and he turned.
The servants gathered inside, having various looks of worry etched in their faces. There was a loud bang and they flinched, but not once did they make a sound. A servant clutched the staircase so tight, her knuckles were of snow.
"What's happening?" His mother repeated, and her small but sharp voice caught the attention of the statuette people inside. Wide eyes greeted her entrance, but no one deigned speak. Tamaki's heart thudded loudly inside his chest.
"Mikan." One breathed out.
And suddenly he was bolting for the stairs, taking two, three steps at a time, before stopping in front of the double-oaken doors.
"No, I'll let you watch. Let you watch as I trash this place and you bow your head because I'm delinquent and reckless and dumb, right?"
He immediately recognized the voice and froze. A hand clamped on his shoulder and he turned to see his mother, face lined with worry. He opened his mouth to speak but he could utter no words. Anne moved forward and pushed the oaken doors with a hand.
"My little girl, Mikan…" She whispered. A draft of cold wind whooshed past him, and the next thing he saw was a figure clad in a filthy, white dress. Her auburn hair was matted with sweat and her arms were clutching his mother like a lifeline. It took a fraction of a second for him to realize this was Mikan.
"Mama Anne." She mumbled and buried her face closer to the other woman's chest. Tamaki could only stare, mute.
"I'm here now, Mikan. Shhhh…"
The manor was shrouded with silence, except for the heavy breathing of Mikan and the consoling pats of Anne. He took a step forward inside the room and gasped.
Pieces of wood and colored glass littered the floor, the mahogany table was askew with three broken legs, walls were absent of paintings, the latter scratched and destroyed beyond recognition. Everything was out of place except for a golden-gilded portrait of a woman whose face was obscured by a European head piece.
His gaze wandered back to Mikan, half-amazed that she was capable of this destruction and half-intrigued of the reason behind her… mania.
Anne raised her head to meet his gaze and she nodded.
"It's alright, we're here now. Tell us everything."
A plate crashed to the floor and the spell was broken. Shrieks of surprise sounded and suddenly, every guest was minding his and her own business, albeit some were murmuring of the incident that took place just before.
Aoi was the first one to blink from his daze, and his sharp, crimson eyes bore into Yuki's, or Izumi's or-
"What the hell? Uncle Yuki, you are the father of Mikan?" She exclaimed, abandoning the fork she was holding. Izumi stared back at her from across the table with a calm mask. His teal eyes were so dark it looked black from a distance.
"Why, yes." He replied conversationally, as if they were talking about the most trivial things like the weather. Aoi blinked and opened her mouth, and closed it again. After a few minutes, a small voice resounded on the table.
"You told me you had a bad child, someone… someone delinquent, reckless, you told me she was dumb and—and you try your best to be a father to her. I know Mikan, she's a good kid. She's a good kid." Kaoru spoke, her voice faltering and shaking. Her gaze was fixed on the plate before her.
"I lied. I apologize, if you would have me." His voice was low, penitent, perhaps the voice of a practiced con artist and suddenly Aoi exploded.
"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU APOLOGIZE TO US APOLOGIZE TO MIKAN YOU DIPSHIT! YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASCEND THE STAGE TO ASSIST HER A WHILE AGO—" By now, people were starting to stare at them once more, their conversations giving way to her exclamations.
"—YOU SPENT EVERY CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS WITH US, YOU DARE SPEAK OF HER LIKE SHE'S WORTHLESS, SOMEONE RECKLESS, DELINQUENT AND DUMB?" She directed her last words to her mother, who started crying at once. Hotaru, who was watching the whole exchange quietly, handed her a glass of water. Kaoru did not budge.
"You didn't tell me. If I knew—if I knew..."
"You would've shut your mouth about the obscenities I told you, but still continued seeing me. If I told you, you would've hated her from the start, you will remember Yuka—"
"No! I wouldn't have but still—"
"You hate her. You knew I was still—"
"I don't! And the children are here—" She glanced around the table, at two pairs of bewildered, crimson eyes and one of nonchalant, amethyst ones.
"It's time to let them know too, I suppose. We're going to be a family soon; it would be a shame if the secrets were not exposed." Izumi remarked and folded his hands on the table. Kaoru stared at him in shock.
"Your mother was still married to Yamato, your father, when we started seeing each other." Aoi's angry frown fell away.
"Eleven years ago, your parents' marriage was falling apart. Kaoru and I met, and she chose me over that possessive man." He raised his glass to his lips elegantly and took a sip of wine. Red, red, wine.
"Your father left her—and you. After two years, we finally decided that I should be introduced to you. You loved me, as I do, you. This dinner is where I'm supposed to announce our engagement." Izumi uttered the words slowly, as if he were talking to preschoolers who won't grasp the concept.
"I apologize if I lied to you about my biological daughter," he hesitated, "…Mikan. I'm sure I will be able to sort her out. She should, I mean, she will understand. We will be a family." The way he spoke felt like he wasn't including Mikan into their family.
"You bastard." Natsume hissed at the older man, who regarded him coolly. His fists were balled at his side, the knuckles white from the strain. Hotaru raised a hand to console him but he swatted it away.
"There's no marriage happening. I can't believe you're capable of this." He muttered, sparing his sobbing mother a glance. With a few strides he was out of the double glass doors.
No one paid any attention to them this time, everyone thinking that what happened was just another family squabble not worth the gossip due to the unimportant, rather, unfamiliar faces around the table.
Kaoru sobbed, and quieted down when Izumi held her hand on the table. He gazed at Aoi silently, with a strange, soft look in his eyes.
Aoi didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mikan took a deep breath and a huge gulp of scalding coffee.
She choked, that dribbles of dark-chocolate color fell to her throat and onto her dress. Tamaki laughed and even the other servants around her.
"Do you feel better now, dear?" A woman in her early sixties asked her gently, and she tried to smile as best as she could. Her eyelids were still swollen from all the crying, her nose clogged up and she could feel the sticky mess of her hair to her forehead. If she spoke now, she would probably sound like a horn from a ship. She probably looked like a shipwreck. She pushed the thoughts of the relationship of ships to her current situation.
"I'm sorry for trashing this place. It didn't come to mind that he would, of course, ask you to clean all these up." Yep, she was right. Her voice sounded as if it came from the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
"No, don't blame yourself. We knew it was just a matter of time." Another maid waved her away and continued sweeping the shards of glass into the dust pan. Mikan raised an eyebrow.
"You knew?"
"We mean, if my father treated me that way despite—" A man, the gardener from the looks of it, stared at her pointedly "—many attempts of a truce, I would've done this too." She finished lightly and returned to her work.
Anne held her hand and pulled her up, wincing at the sight before her.
"You are a mess, Mikan. Let's get you cleaned up." She commanded and hurried away, dragging the younger with her. Mikan glanced back apologetically. The others waved.
The doors closed behind them and she slumped, letting herself be pulled.
"You know, I realized something." She said quietly and Anne just hummed, pushing open the door of her room.
"It's also my fault. He must've been lonely because Mom is gone." Anne sat her inside the tub and turned on the tap. Her dress was getting soaked and she shook her head at the other woman's insistence of getting it off.
"He's lonely, and he's angry. I look like Mom. He just vented his anger at me." Her voice was calm and normal. She felt the swelling of her eyes recede as the cold, soapy water submerged her form.
"Still, honey, he shouldn't have done that." Anne spoke and lathered shampoo between her palms before untangling the brown mess on top of her head.
"I should go apologize to him… And to Aunt Kaoru. She couldn't have known that I was his daughter. I destroyed their family dinner." She spoke softly and blew at the bubbles on the surface of the water. Anne just hummed in disapproval.
"And to Natsume and Aoi, we would soon be siblings after all." She laughed and tried to ignore the sharp pang in her chest. She was just tired, that's all. Adrenaline had just abandoned her system.
"You know what I'm going to say." Anne muttered and pulled on her hair.
"Ow!"
"You're such a soft prick you know. They just might be right when they said that you were dumb."
"Oh alright. It's time to be alone now, this is getting too girly for my liking old woman."
"Sure thing Miss Dumb and Evasive. I shall be right outside the door."
"Oh no matter, I am perfectly capable of protecting myself."
"You're the princess, remember?"
"I'm the knight! Now off with you!" She laughed and shooed Anne away, who in turn flicked her forehead. She disappeared outside the door. Mikan shut her eyes and fell deeper into the tub.
"Mikan! What's your password?" A shout was heard outside. Her eyes fell open and she groaned.
"Just give it here!" Her voice deepened, a poor imitation of a man's. A shuffling was heard and the door creaked open, revealing a frowning Anne holding a cellular phone.
"I don't know with you kids, privacy and whatnot. In my time there was no…" She muttered on her way out after handing her the small object. Mikan smiled at the queerness of her aunt and punched in the code.
The letters that laced the words were so simple, the message so concise. It was the first time that she took notice of the dark, suede phone case and the Arial Narrow font, things so little… so trivial.
But everything is too easy to notice, too easy to ignore, when there are countless painful things staring right onto your face. Like letters blinking lifelessly from the screen.
The lamp across the street flickered. Once, twice.
Natsume gazed at the pavement before him, noting the cracks and the tiny weeds crawling from underneath. He's been searching for Mikan everywhere; the first place he went to was the manor, but the servants insisted that she wasn't inside. He doubted it, they were bluffing, of course. He understands.
He planned on waiting for her outside the steel gates, but thirst caught up on him. The nearest convenience store would be mercy on his weary soul.
Weary soul? You had a perfect life while Mikan was suffering alone. A voice inside him yelled and he stopped in his tracks. He would suffer with her this time. No water then. The voice continued.
"No water." He muttered to the ground, this time changing routes.
The lamps kept on flickering as he passed, and though he found it strange, he didn't give any indication. He kept on walking until he found himself inside the playground they used to play in eleven years ago. He almost smiled at the thought. The swings were rusty and low, but he settled on it anyway, he was there to wait. Perhaps Mikan would pass by on her way to the convenience store. She loved rocky road ice cream.
"Young man, it's dark already. What might you be doing here?" A feminine, husky voice sounded in his ear. He almost fell from the swing in shock.
"There, there. I won't bite you." An old woman crouched on the swing beside him. She was donned in floral, gray pants and a pink sweater. A neon green scarf rested around her shoulders and she was wearing a friendly, albeit toothless smile. Natsume leaned away with wide eyes.
"Why are you out here alone in this beautiful night? Perhaps, you are waiting for someone?" She suggested, leaning forward. Natsume leaned back farther.
"Ah, yes. Just a friend." He replied and tried to settle back into the swing. The old woman chuckled.
"Just a friend? I could see the blush on your cheeks, lad." Natsume turned away in an effort to compose himself.
"It's hot, that's because." He huffed.
"It's the end of fall."
"I'm young!"
"Oh, to be in love once more." She called out suddenly, her cheeks filling with color. Natsume tilted her head, watching her. She turned.
"When I was young, a long time ago," she chuckled, "I was in love."
The lamp across the street flickered off and back to life again. He dug his feet on the ground.
"I was twenty-four, and he was twenty-six. He was a psychologist, I was an accountant. An unlikely pair isn't it?" She covered her mouth with a hand as if sharing with herself a private joke.
"We met at a school, when I was with my niece for a school presentation. He was with his daughter for the same reason. Our eyes met and that was when I knew. But I was realistic, you know? Fickle things such as love didn't occur to my mind, I was riding my career, I was enjoying it. But friendship was okay. We became friends because of our disagreement: who was better, my niece or his daughter? I was adamant my niece was the best, and he was too, with his daughter." She wheezed and Natsume handed her his handkerchief.
"Oh thank you. So then we came to a truce. We became friends, he told me I was lonely and he knew that because of his spidey-sense as a psychologist. I called bull. But he stayed by my side, and I was okay with it. I was happy. Then I realized it was love." Natsume looked at her expectantly. She smiled.
"He thought so too. But he was busy and he was with his daughter. He was happy, and I was afraid that if I come into his life, I would tip it over. The next time we met, I told him it was okay. He could go on with his life. Ultimately, I let him go." A tear escaped her eye, yet her smile didn't falter.
"Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing. If I let him go for the right reason." She offered his handkerchief back but he waved it away.
"I think you didn't. You should've pursued him." The lamp flickered again, once, twice.
"But how do we know, young man? How do we know when it is right to let go?"
Natsume treaded the path towards the manor silently, remembering the old woman's story. 'But he stayed by my side, and I was okay with it. I was happy. Then I realized it was love.'
His chest tightened at the thought. Love was such a strong word, sometimes so fickle and meaningless… sometimes it meant the world. Who knows about love? What is love? Does the pavement beneath him know, has the plants growing from its cracks felt it? Why do the lamp lights keep on flickering? What—
He froze.
In front of him was a hunched figure walking towards his direction. He recognized the auburn hair and the slim figure by the dim, orange light, and his chest tightened once more.
"Mikan."
The figure stopped and raised its head, revealing a calm face. He vaguely remembered the anger on her face hours before but dismissed it.
"Natsume." She said and resumed her pace forward. He noticed the bulk on her shoulders.
"Where are you going?" He asked and blocked her way. She sighed audibly.
"It's none of your business. I'm going away now. Just be happy." Natsume didn't realize he was holding his breath and released it slowly. He was happy, and I was afraid that if I come into his life, I would tip it over.
"What—Why? Alright, let's go." He took another deep breath and stepped forward to grab her bags. She backed away.
"Don't you get it? I'm moving away. I'm moving away so you could be happy. Be happy now. Go back to Kaoru and Aoi. Tell them… tell them I'm sorry." She yelled. Natsume was rooted to the spot.
"You can't come away with me; you have your whole life here. Just, go back." She said finally and slapped his hand away.
"No, you can't leave… Stay please, stay." He pleaded and walked towards her again. Mikan stopped on her tracks but didn't turn to him.
"It's for all of you. I'm— I'm letting you go now." She spoke so softly that he almost didn't hear it. He stayed rooted to the ground, unable to move or even reach out. He couldn't say anything.
"But how do we know, young man? How do we know when it is right to let go?"
He didn't know who was letting go of whom.
Tamaki ran forward, blind to his surroundings except—
"Mikan! Where the hell are you? Mikan!" He yelled, his breath rising to the dark sky like a cloud. He rubbed his hands together before sprinting along the deserted street again. What if some gang kidnapped her? What if they hurt her? What if she tripped and broke her leg?
He groaned in frustration but kept on running. She couldn't have gotten far, she just vanished minutes ago.
He remembered his mother's tear-stained face as she clutched his hands. 'Izumi wants her away, Izumi wants her away'.
"Mikan! Mikan!" He didn't care if he woke up the rich families in the subdivision. If that would lead him to stopping Mikan he would do it and more.
His foot caught on the ground and he stumbled forward, catching himself with his hands. He winced at the impact and at the sharp pain that shot up from his limbs.
"Where the hell are you?" He muttered and sat up. His jeans were torn at the knees and his hands were scratched all over. He looked away at the slight blood that rose from the wounds.
"Ow."
"You're still as clumsy as ever." A cold voice from his right startled him and snapped his head in the direction.
"I was just not looking at the path." He frowned at Mikan, who emerged from the shadows. A flood of relief surged through him but he forced the frown.
"You always hurt me." She raised an eyebrow.
"The ground hurt you." He sat cross-legged on the cold pavement and watched her walk forward.
"But I was looking for you."
"You shouldn't look for me. I'm going away now." Her voice sounded tired and resigned. He laughed.
"You're so weak." He laughed at her until her frown deepened.
"I'm not weak. I'm just—ah goodbye now."
"You're weak, you're just running away, you know." He called out and she paused. Her shoulders started to tremble.
"He sent me away. He wants me away." She sobbed; the contents of her bag shaking and making sounds. He watched her silently before getting up cautiously.
"I'm here, you should remember that." He remarked and walked to stand beside her. Mikan lifted her head, and he could see that her eyes were starting to swell from the crying. Tamaki raised his arm and wiped her tears away with the back of his hand.
"You don't have to be alone." At that, she sobbed harder and crouched to her knees.
"You're insufferable."
"I know." The lamp post flickered off and on again. Once, twice.
I am so guilty for not updating for almost two months. I accept your spears and arrows of blame, that is, if you haven't completely given up on this story.
This is the pivotal chapter~ the next one would be seven years later. So come on, review! Tell me what your favorite thing/line is from this chapter. I welcome constructive criticism!
Y. M. H. O