Numb
All I could hear was beeping. Annoying beeping.
If this was heaven, why was I so annoyed?
Did that mean I was in hell?
I winced, realizing that the harder I thought, the more my head hurt. I'd hit that sucker pretty hard…
How?
I didn't remember. Anything.
I know I hit my head…but only because it hurts.
How did I hurt my head? I fought to open my eyes, but found I couldn't.
I jumped when I heard a voice.
"How is she?" Jacob. My Jacob. JAKE, Jake,J ake, Jake, Jake! He was here. I fought harder to open my eyes.
"She's coming." Another familiar voice. Charlie. It was only then that I realized large hands were holding one of my own. The other felt weighed-down. Almost as if it was attached to something…
"Do you think she'll be okay?" Jake asked, and his voice cracked.
I felt Charlie lean down to kiss my hand. "Doctor says she'll be fine once she wakes up…" He trailed off.
Jake let out a small sob. "If she wakes up."
Oh, God. This was so frustrating! Why couldn't I open my eyes? Why couldn't I talk? Most importantly…why the hell was I in here?
"Dad." I tried to say. It felt as though my lips were moving, but no sound came out. "DAD!" I tried harder.
"Bella?" Charlie whispered, "Jake, go get the doctor!" his voice was frantic and it made me want to cry.
"Dad." I said, and coughed. It felt like I hadn't spoken in months.
"Oh, Bella." Charlie said, his voice thick with tears.
I finally found control of my body slowly, and I allowed myself to open my eyes a little.
Ouch.
I shut them quickly, the light burning after having not opened them for so long.
I heard footsteps, then another man's voice.
"Dim the lights." He ordered someone, I had no idea who.
The footsteps got closer and I felt Charlie's hand squeeze mine firmly.
"You can open your eyes, Isabella?" The man whispered, and I felt his fingers at my wrist, checking my pulse.
I opened my eyes again, wincing because it still hurt a little.
"Bells!" Charlie and Jake both exclaimed at the same time.
I tried to find their faces, but I couldn't… black spots clouded my vision and I cleared my throat.
"Dad…Jake?" I croaked, sputtering when the words burned my throat.
"We're here." Charlie whispered from somewhere to my left.
I tried to turn my head towards his voice and winced. "Ow." I whispered.
Someone-the doctor, I assumed- chuckled. "Easy there. That must be tender."
"Oh, God." I croaked, my voice thick. I cleared it again and winced. It felt like flames.
I finally focused in on a face. It was the doctor. He smiled at me warmly.
"We're so glad you've finally woken, Isabella. You've got a waiting room full of people out there."
I winced again, but not because of the pain.
"Bells?" I heard, and Jake came into my line of vision.
"Jake!" I quietly exclaimed, smiling as he leaned down to envelop me in a very warm hug. It felt so nice that I sighed. But something felt wrong about the hug. Something I didn't understand at all. I shrugged it off.
"You scared the hell out of us, Bells." He whispered, kissing my cheek.
I broke into tears when I saw both of their faces again.
Charlie was the next one for a hug. "Don't you ever do that to me again, Bella." He said firmly, but the relief was evident in his voice.
They helped me sit up, and I examined the room. I was in a hospital, that was for sure, and the room was off-white, with lots of machines all around me. All of them seemed to be hooked to me, actually.
"What happened?" I whispered, wiping the tears from my eyes.
"You went into the woods and didn't come back out, Bella." Charlie answered, squeezing my hand tightly.
I winced. "I don't remember anything…" I said, looking to the doctor for an explanation.
He shrugged. "You must have hit your head and gotten a concussion."
I nodded my head. But how? Did I fall and hit my head on a rock? Yeah. Yeah that must have been it….
"How did you find me?" I asked.
"We had search parties…we looked for days and there was no trace-" Jake's voice broke off in agony. "Seth found you up by the mountain, Bells." Jacob gave me a very pointed look and I nodded my head.
Seth must have found me when he was a wolf form, then.
I nodded my head.
"Isabella Marie Swan." Charlie said, "You will never do that to me again." He put his head in his hands. "And by the way, you're grounded…for the rest of your life."
I smiled weakly. "I understand. And I promise I won't go into the woods again."
By the third day I was confused as hell, and I couldn't just drop it. I was still in the hospital, and everyone was making sure I was fine.
My mother had flown to Forks a few days after I'd gone missing, and the reunion with her had been a tearful and joy-filled one.
But I still couldn't get my mind away from how I ended up like this.
I knew I didn't just get lost in the woods. I'd explored them so many times with Jake that I knew them like the back of my hand.
Jake knew that too, but he stayed quiet.
"I didn't get lost in the woods, Jake. I know I didn't." I said one evening after Charlie had gone to grab some dinner.
"I don't know what else to tell you, Bells." He muttered, stroking my hand with his thumb. "There's no other explanation."
I'd shaken my head, trying to wrap my head around things. It was going to kill me.
And at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder why remembering was so important to me.
Why couldn't I just accept the fact that I'd gotten lost, fallen down and smacked my head off a rock or fallen tree? That was exactly what someone as clumsy as me would do.
But something tugged at my memory. Something strong, something trying to break free.
Golden eyes. That's the only thing that came to me. Why? Why the hell was I seeing those eyes every single time I closed my eyes?
Maybe they were God's eyes. Maybe an angel had visited me while I lay in the forest… waiting….
No!
By the fourth day I was going out of my mind…
"Well, Bella, your numbers look good." I jumped at Dr. John's voice. I didn't even know he was in here.
"Seems as though you can go home later today. Your father will have to fill our paperwork… but then you'll be free to leave."
I smiled at this.
"Of course you'll have to take it easy for a few weeks. Build up your strength. No school, understood?"
I nodded my head.
"That's a good girl." He smiled, walking out.
My mother kissed my cheek. "Thank god, Bella. This is great. I'm staying with you until you get better…I guess I can crash on the couch…I'm going to have to call Phil." I barely caught all of her words, for my mind kept wandering. I fought to keep myself on the present and away from those eyes…
Seeing my old familiar room was a shock to me, and I broke down into tears. My mother held me the whole time, promising I'd be okay.
It didn't feel that way.
These violent delights have violent ends.
And in their triumph die,
Like fire and powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume.
Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand of the clock aches like the pulse behind a bruise-which I have many of now. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
October
November
December
January
February…
Jake's fist slammed down on the table and I jumped, as did my bowl of chicken soup.
"Do you have to be so damn dramatic?" I asked, getting up and putting it in the sink.
He got up and walked over to me. I flinched as his warm fingers gripped my face. "You're going to Jacksonville. To your mother." He whispered, pained. "I hate seeing you like this, Bells. I know it's been tough getting back into the swing of things after what happened, but you have to let this go."
"I'm not leaving." I answered dully.
Anger flashed in his expression.
Jacob had been my one and only savior those first couple of months. But he couldn't even keep my mind at ease. I was constantly jumpy, constantly in a foul mood. He deserved better.
"Maybe you need like… professional help, Bella." He whispered.
"YOU MEAN LIKE A SHRINK?" I exclaimed, anger building up in me. I wasn't crazy. I knew I wasn't.
"Bella, you're scaring the hell out of Charlie, and me for that matter. I think you need some diversion. Just go to Jacksonville, get your mind off things…have fun. Talk to your mom, do girl stuff." His brow wrinkled. "Please, Bells? For Charlie. For me."
I sighed, hating the situation he was putting me in. We were both silent for a few moments.
"Fine." I whispered. "I'll go."
A/N: *dodges tomatoes and soft drinks* I know it's too much to ask for you NOT to hate me, but can you at least trust me? I know where i'm going, honestly.
I've got it all planned out. Mwa hahaha!
Reviews make me smile. Thank you so much for reading!