(4)
The second leg of the trip was turning out just as quiet as the first. The silence was making Colonel Fitzwilliam antsy. He had noticed Miss Bennet and Darcy's emotional conversation and now his cousin's introspection, and could barely contain his questions. His companions were so lost in thought, though, that he doubted they would notice if he spoke. All except for Nel, and it would be a bit untoward for him to strike up a casual conversation with her. He sighed. His cousin owed him some excellent port and answers for this!
They reached London, and turned toward streets that neither of gentlemen in the carriage was familiar with. They worked their way near to Cheapside, not quite reaching it when they stopped. After he descended from the carriage, Darcy looked up at the house and around the immediate neighborhood. He was a little surprised at the quality of the homes. While they were not Darcy House in Mayfair, few were, they were bigger and better kept than he had expected. He turned to help Elizabeth out, grateful that she had not been able to see his face, in case he had not masked his surprise well. He was not sure if she would be offended, and he would rather not do that again soon. The door was opened by a butler when they reached it. This time Darcy was sure he was able to hide his surprise, for which he was thankful, since Elizabeth was walking next to him.
Elizabeth could see his face, and checked it when the door was opened, but his expression was impassive. If he was horrified by her relations' home, he was not showing it.
"Thank you, James," she said to the butler as he took their things. "Is my uncle at home? We need to speak with him."
"Yes, Miss Elizabeth, he is. Mr. Gardiner is in his study, and Mrs. Gardiner is in the family sitting room with Miss Jane and the children. Would you like me to fetch Mr. Gardiner for you?"
"Yes, and would you take Nel with you? It may be more than a few minutes before the gentlemen leave again, and I would like her to be comfortable. Mrs. Davenport will probably welcome her in the kitchen. Could you let my aunt know that we have guests, as well? Thank you again, James," she said as the James took their outerwear and disappeared with Nel.
Elizabeth led the group further into the house, turning a corner to her uncle hurrying down the corridor to them. He glanced at Mr. Darcy and the Colonel, and she could see him taking in the cut of their clothing. She could almost hear the questions working in his mind.
"Lizzy," he said as he took her hand and squeezed it tightly between his own, "I am relieved that you arrived safely. I must say, I was not expecting you until tomorrow." He left it at that, waiting for her to explain herself.
"Uncle, I would like you to meet Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam. They were staying with their aunt in Kent, who also happens to be Mr. Collins's patroness. They were due to return to London today, and happened to be taking their leave when the express arrived. Knowing that I wanted to come as soon as possible, they offered to bring me."
His face showed surprise at this. Elizabeth knew that it made no sense for gentlemen of their status to offer her transportation, and he may not have seen Nel. He was undoubtedly worried about her. She did not particularly want to stay in Mr. Darcy's presence, and since that gentleman wished to speak privately with her uncle, she decided to let him explain. She was unconcerned about what he would say, since Mr. Gardiner had enough sense to not jump to conclusions. She might not be alone with Jane and her aunt, but she could at least shed the looming presence of Mr. Darcy.
"Mr. Gardiner, may I have a few minutes?" asked Darcy, "I would like a word."
"Certainly sir. Lizzy dear, would you mind taking Colonel Fitzwilliam to meet your aunt? That is if you do not mind, Colonel."
"Not at all, Mr. Gardiner."
He turned to Elizabeth and offered his arm, "Lead the way, Miss Bennet." Elizabeth gave him a small smile as she led him away.
Mr. Gardiner turned, and just saw the pained look that crossed Darcy's face. Considering the last opinion of Lizzy's that he had heard, the look surprised him. That was not the look of a man who despised his niece. He had a feeling this conversation was going to be about more than a proper carriage ride.
As they entered his study Mr. Gardiner offered a drink, which his guest declined. They both sat, with Darcy looking quite uncomfortable. He decided to take pity on the man, in light of that last look, and started the conversation.
"I assume that you are least going to tell me you have a maid floating around my house who rode with you gentlemen and my niece today."
"Heavens yes! I would not expose Miss Bennet like that," replied a startled Darcy.
"I did not think so. Now, what was it you wished to discuss?"
Darcy had not expected Mr. Gardiner to be so calm. This man was Mrs. Bennet's brother?
"Mr. Gardiner, I have the highest respect for your niece. I am aware of the situation that she and her mother and sisters find themselves in, and I simply wish to offer my assistance, if ever possible. I will be instructing my staff that if you call, I am at home. I plan to be in London through May. If there is anything in my power to do, consider it done."
It was Mr. Gardiner's turn to be surprised. His niece had been so sure of their mutual dislike. He wondered if Lizzy's opinion of the man had altered at all. The last information he had from his wife did not indicate as much. There had been some allegations of disreputable behavior even, and Lizzy would not have accepted a ride from a man she considered immoral. Something must have changed between them.
"Thank you, Mr. Darcy. I will keep that in mind. I appreciate your support of my sister's family. You seem to be taking an unusual interest in my niece's situation, though. Would you be so kind as to set my mind at ease there?"
Darcy sighed inwardly. While this was not unexpected, he did not wish to say more than absolutely necessary. Mr. Gardiner had every right to demand specifics.
"As I said before, I have the highest respect for your niece. Please know that any intentions I have are honorable."
"I think you are going to need to be more specific than that. Do you and Lizzy have an understanding?"
Another pained look crossed Darcy's face, "We do not."
Mr. Gardiner watched him for a moment.
"But you wish there was."
It was everything Darcy could do to keep from squirming in his chair. This man was sharper than was convenient at the moment.
"What I wish for, and what your niece wants, do not quite match in this case. My hope is to change that."
"Ah, yes. Our Lizzy has a mind of her own, as I am sure you have discovered. I have your word, then, that you will conduct yourself honorably while trying to change my niece's opinion?"
"Of course!" responded Darcy, a little tersely.
"Well, it would not do to have her forced into what you want against her wishes. You would find yourself fairly miserable in that case, I believe."
"Yes sir, I am aware of that."
"I believe we understand each other, then. Was there anything else?" he asked.
"No, sir."
Darcy visibly relaxed, and only then did Mr. Gardiner realise how tense he had been.
"Well then, Mr. Darcy, shall we join the others?"
When her uncle and Mr. Darcy joined them, their expressions gave no indication as to what had passed between them. The gentlemen did not stay much longer, only enough to give their condolences and offer wishes for a safe journey. Elizabeth had never appreciated her aunt and uncle's sociability so much before. They answered what was needed, allowing the girls to remain quiet.
There was no private goodbye, to Elizabeth's relief. She needed to get away from everyone to think. She knew her aunt and Jane would have questions, but she was not ready for them. After their guests left, they had a quiet dinner, finished preparing for tomorrow's journey, and then retired early. She and Jane spoke of their father and comforted one another while they cried. Jane only mentioned her gratitude toward the gentlemen for bringing Elizabeth back to London early. She did not appear to be questioning their interest further. Elizabeth planned to tell her sister about the proposals, but she was happy to leave it for another time.
Colonel Fitzwilliam and Darcy were quiet in the carriage. They could not say much with Nel there. When they reached Darcy house, the Colonel went to Darcy's study while Darcy took Nel to meet his housekeeper and arrange a position for her. They all assumed, including Nel, that she would not be welcomed back once their aunt discovered why she had left. He requested their dinner be brought to his study, and then braced himself for the inevitable.
When Darcy walked into his study, the Colonel had his booted feet propped up on the edge of the desk. He was lounging back in a chair facing away from the door with his jacket buttons undone and a drink in his hand. Any hopes that Darcy had of this being simple or painless vanished. His cousin was prepared for battle.
"Well Darce, do you plan to spill everything, or do I need to drink you under the table and drag it from you?"
Darcy sighed, rubbed his hand down his face, and went for the port decanter. He poured himself a glass and then went to sit in his chair, across the desk from his cousin.
"What do you wish to know, Fitzwilliam?"
"Excellent, I did not want to wake up with a hangover tomorrow, anyway. What I would like to know is what is going on between you and the lovely Miss Elizabeth Bennet? You have been brooding about her for the last two weeks. Are you engaged to the girl?"
"I am not."
"Well why have you not asked her yet? Now that she is in mourning, you are going to have to wait months. Do you or do you not wish to marry her? If you do not want to, would you mind if I asked her? I would say she is worth living in virtual poverty for."
Darcy gave him a dark look, "You are not nearly as funny as you think you are, Fitzwilliam. You would not give up your high-living for any woman and you know it. Besides, I never said I have not asked her."
The Colonel choked, "She refused you?! Damn, she's bolder than I thought. I did not think there was an available woman alive, not in the royal family, who would refuse you."
"Yes, well, there quite clearly is."
The Colonel looked sharply at Darcy.
"What did you do to her?"
"I was rude to her family and friends, I ruined her favorite sister's happiness, and she met Wickham. Add in the fact that she cannot stand me, I am 'ungentlemanly' and she is not the least bit mercenary, and I have become 'the last man in the world she could ever be prevailed upon to marry.'
The Colonel's mouth dropped open and he stared at Darcy.
"Oh, I know. I have fallen in love with the last woman who would have me, and she was quite vocal about it. But I have rendered you speechless, no small feat," Darcy continued dryly.
"Good God, how did you manage all of that? How did she meet Wickham and what did he feed her? Were you able to correct that at least?"
"Wickham must have run himself quite low on funds, since he joined the militia quartered in her neighborhood. He is a lieutenant, I believe. I have no idea where he would have gotten money to purchase a commission. I gather he led her to believe I denied him his inheritance, without recompense. I did have an opportunity to correct that misconception, and I think she believed me."
"I am surprised he was willing to do that, since it will be harder for him to get away with his rubbish. I might have to look up his commanding officer, and drop a word about our friend's trustworthiness. Wouldn't want the scoundrel to disgrace the uniform. But that is beside the point, what did you tell her to get her to believe you?"
"I told her everything."
"Even Georgiana's story? Darcy, are you sure you should have done that?"
"She is trustworthy, Fitzwilliam. I know she does not like me, but I do not believe she would hurt an innocent girl. She understands the value of a gentlewoman's reputation. Besides, I am not certain she would have believed me otherwise. Wickham can be very convincing, as we know."
"Yes, we do. That smarmy reprobate's only real skill is manipulating sensible people."
They were both quiet for a minute while Fitzwilliam refilled their glasses.
"How did you ruin her sister's happiness?" he asked as he sat down.
"Do you remember the friend I told you about on the way to Rosings?"
"Yes, I assume you were speaking of Bingley?"
"I was, and the lady was Jane Bennet."
"Oh Lord, you cannot be serious. I am afraid I did nothing to help you there. I repeated most of what you told me to Miss Bennet. I am sorry. I thought I was helping you, showing your service to a friend. If I would have known -"
"You could not have known," Darcy interrupted. "I should have warned you after we met Miss Bennet at the parsonage. You would think that after the debacle of last summer, I would be more willing to speak up about things I find distasteful."
They both sat quietly for a minute while Darcy stared at his glass as he swirled his port. The Colonel could see his mind working, and hoped he would reach the right conclusions. His cousin always learned the best when he could figure things out for himself.
"How did I expect Georgiana to survive in the adult world as a young woman with merely a chaperone for protection, if I was not going to treat her like one? Even though we made the mistake in Mrs. Young, it would have taken so little to explain Wickham's reaction to my denial of the living. I did not have to tell her every sordid detail of his past. All she needed to know was that Wickham might be holding a grudge. Or if we told her about his past, a few select stories about his treatment of women would have been sufficient. She is a smart girl. But I decided what was best for her, and that was it. It is the same thing I did to Elizabeth; I expected her to reach the right conclusion without all of the information. My God, how was she to know what he is really like? I was the only person in the neighborhood with knowledge of his past, and I could not be bothered to speak of it. All because I did not want to invite questions about myself. What if she would have been taken in enough by him to put herself in a bad position? I could have let the woman I love be ruined!"
Darcy shuddered, "What if she would have been forced to marry him? Is there any worse hell than knowing you have condemned someone you love to a life of misery?"
The Colonel decided to interrupt here. Darcy was getting a little too far. He really did love Miss Bennet, if his emotions could start to cloud his judgement. His cousin was one of the most logical men he knew, and he was sounding irrational.
"Miss Bennet is an intelligent woman, and I do not think the scoundrel could have gotten her alone. She would not have allowed it. Darcy, while I agree that you could have helped the situation, you cannot be personally responsible for everything that goes wrong if you make one mistake in judgement."
They were interrupted by supper entering. The footman set the tray on a side table, removed the lids, and handed them their plates. He asked if they needed anything else. At their negative, he left them to their conversation.
"What about Bingley, though? Do you have any idea how hard it was to convince him that Jane Bennet was not in love with him? According to her closest sister, Miss Bennet cared deeply for him, and I told him otherwise. I am responsible for his current misery, when it was completely unnecessary. I told him it was because she did not love him, and she was not worth the hassle of her family and lack of connections if she did not love him. The irony is that I would gladly marry her sister with the same connections. Even now, when she has made it quite clear that she does not love me in return, and in fact, she can barely stand my presence!"
"Did Miss Jane Bennet really show no preference for Bingley? Because if she really did not love him as you thought, you did do him a favor. Bingley would be too easy to take advantage of, with the wrong woman."
"I convinced myself it was so, and I thought I was being impartial. But looking back, I cannot really say I was. I needed to get away from Elizabeth because I knew I was in danger there. That is beside the point, though. I did not have a right to convince him to go against his own instincts. I could have stated my opinion, warning him to be sure of her affection before making any decisions. I assumed again that I knew best, to the detriment of someone I care about."
"I do not think you have poor judgement though, Darcy. I think that you are a very rational, logical man, but not everyone works that way. Miss Elizabeth and Bingley both seem to make their decisions based on what feels right. I think you would agree, though, that they are sensible people. You would not like them if you thought they had poor judgement. They simply think differently than you do. It does not necessarily make either of you wrong."
After a few moments of thought, Darcy asked his cousin, "When did you learn so much about reading people?"
"Eh, I spend a lot more time with them than you do. The real question is this: are you going to try to change Miss Elizabeth's mind? Do you still want her, and if so, do you think she will be more willing now that her circumstances are dire?"
"I already asked her again, when we stopped at Bromley. I do notthink she was very happy with me, but she did not outright say 'no.' She asked if she could think about it for a little while."
"She might be the most courageous woman I have ever met. She and her family might not have a place to live in a matter of weeks. Did she say why she wanted to think about it?"
"She needs to decide if the possibility of my regretting the decision to marry her will cause me to resent her, and if she can live with that. I am certain of my choice, but she thinks the degradation of her family will change my mind over time."
"Did she really call her own family a degradation? That does not sound like her, she seems more loyal than that."
Darcy swallowed hard, "I told her that when I proposed the first time, and repeated it in my letter to her, where I explained Wickham's history."
"You did what?!"
"I thought I was showing her that the strength of my regard overcame her family's regrettable circumstances."
"Did you really call her family regrettable? No wonder she refused you! You directly insulted her!"
"Well, it is not as though she cannot see that her family is ridiculous, and her mother's family is in trade," Darcy said defensively.
The Colonel stared at him hard, "Are you really that much of a snob? Is the uncle we met tonight not a tradesman? Can you really say he is a 'regrettable relation?' I know you do not truly value people based on their rank in our circle, so why would you outside of it? How many people of exalted wealth and position do you truly care for? Look at Aunt Catherine. Would you rather spend an hour in her sitting room, or the Gardiners'?"
Darcy was quiet at this.
The Colonel let him be for a few minutes, and then added, "It is highly unlikely she sees her family as 'regrettable,' and if you directly insulted the people she cares the most about, she is not going to respect your opinion. I have to tell you Darcy, rank means little when it comes to loyalty and good men. I would rather fight side-by-side with a farmer or merchant's son than one of high birth. If there is one thing I have learned in battle, it is that good men come from all walks of life, but I am quite certain the fewest come from our ranks. There is a reason the quality has to turn a blind eye to our men's antics, and many of the women are no better. Very few have a value system to speak of. You are a rare one, Darcy, to have the morals that you do in your position. If you truly love the woman that Elizabeth Bennet is, you have to remember that her family is who made her. By insulting them, you have insulted her. It sounds like she is a rare woman as well. Not many women could be as unconcerned by your wealth as she is. If you could earn her respect, I think you would be a lucky man indeed."
"I am aware of that. Why do you think I finally decided to offer for her?"
The Colonel gave him a hard look, "I think that might be the root of your problem, Darcy. You think that she should feel honored that you would stoop to her level. If you want to marry for love, you should be the one feeling honored. From what I have heard, you will be gaining a treasure if she accepts you. If you genuinely believe it, then you need to make sure she sees it."
Colonel Fitzwilliam stood and buttoned his jacket.
"Our family would be lucky to gain Miss Bennet. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know."
With that, he left. Darcy spent a very long time staring into the fire thinking through everything his cousin had said.
A/N: In honor of Ms. Austen's remarkable ability to understand humanity, I'm trying to use as much personality study as I can to type these characters where I think she meant them to be. She was considered before her time on this topic. I've added a listing and short comment on each of the characters in the story to my profile, and will add more as they have dialogue and interaction.
Thanks again for the awesome reviews. There have been a lot of questions the past few days, and let me just say: I don't think you'll be disappointed.