(6)
The day of Mr. Bennet's funeral was dreary. It matched the girls' hearts, and while the men went to the gravesite, they stayed back at the house together with their mother. When the men did return, thankfully their aunt or uncle was continuously with them and able to deflect speeches Mr. Collins thought were necessary before he got out of hand. They spent the afternoon mostly in quiet visiting with their sympathetic neighbors. Even Mrs. Bennet, Kitty, and Lydia were somber. The Lucases and Charlotte made sure that Mr. Collins left with them, and then they were alone. There was not much to be said, and they all went through the motions of the evening, then retired early. The exhaustion that followed the last few days of preparation and the emotional drain left none of them with the energy to say much.
Thursday morning brought a visit from Charlotte. She was alone, and she asked Elizabeth to walk with her.
Once they were outside, she began, "I wished to speak with you first, Eliza, because I think I will need your help." She took a deep breath here and then continued, "Mr. Collins plans to move to Longbourn immediately. We are to travel home tomorrow, pack up our things and return on Monday." She turned to Elizabeth with tears in her eyes, "I am so sorry Eliza, I tried to convince him that he should give your family two months at least, but he insists. He says he is worried that the estate will face neglect without a man to lead it. Please know that I do not wish for it to be this way."
"Oh Charlotte, I know you did not hope for this when you married."
They were quiet for a minute, "Mr. Collins is completely within his right to do this, and we all knew it was inevitable. Do you want me to tell the rest of the house?" Elizabeth asked.
"If you think that is best. I want you, and your family to know that I will do everything I can to keep us all as comfortable as I can."
Elizabeth acknowledged her appreciation with a nod. They were both well aware that Mr. Collins and Mrs. Bennet were the least likely to help that cause. What could they do, though? This was the Bennets' lot, and they both wished to make the best of it.
The ladies walked back to the house, and Charlotte stayed for only a short visit before heading back to Lucas Lodge.
Elizabeth did not waste time telling the rest of her family about Mr. Collins' decision. Everyone but her mother and Kitty were downstairs. She told them bluntly, and while they had been hopeful, no one was surprised. Lydia made some noise about him being an odious man, and that she had no intention of obeying him just because he owned the house. She quieted when it was explained to her that he had every right to kick them all out on a whim. Six women on little more than two hundred pounds a year would not get them far. Jane and Mrs. Gardiner went together to tell Mrs. Bennet the news. They all could hear her hysterical railing, but she was soon calmed down again. Elizabeth had no idea how Jane and Mrs. Gardiner could do it, but they were the best at allaying Mrs. Bennet's fears. She herself would only remind her mother of what could have been.
After that, Elizabeth looked for a chance to tell Jane about Mr. Darcy's proposals. She desperately wanted her sister's opinion, especially in light of Charlotte's news. After supper, she asked her to retire early so they could talk.
As soon as they closed the door to their room, Jane turned to Elizabeth and asked, "Lizzy, is something the matter?"
"Oh Jane! I have so much to tell you, and I am not sure if you will even believe me. So much has happened in the last week that I do not even know where to begin."
"You have seemed out of sorts, but I was not sure if it was all about Papa. What has happened?"
"Jane, Mr. Darcy has proposed to me."
Jane was astonished, "Lizzy, you are serious? Mr. Darcy?"
"Yes, and I was just as shocked as you are. I had no idea he even liked me, and yet he confessed he has been in love with me for months."
"Not that it is surprising for any man to fall in love with you, though. You will make a wonderful wife. But tell me, what did you answer him?"
"I refused him, most forcefully. I told him he was ungentlemanly for his behaviour in Hertfordshire, and accused him of ruining Mr. Wickham's prospects. I told him he was 'the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry.' I was very harsh."
"Oh Lizzy! The poor man, I feel for him, knowing that he is in love with you. But I cannot really blame you for refusing him, I know you do not love him."
"Yes, but Jane, the next day, Friday, he gave me a letter that puts him in a much better light."
Elizabeth went on to tell her sister about the portions of the letter pertaining to Mr. Wickham and Miss Darcy.
"I felt like quite a fool for falling for Mr. Wickham's lies. Mr. Darcy was also kind enough to bring me to London immediately on Friday, so that we would be able to travel home on Saturday." Elizabeth paused here, and then went on, "There is more, too. When we stopped for a rest, he asked me if I might reconsider marrying him, in the light of our new circumstances."
"He did? Goodness, he must love you very much, to ask again after you had just thoroughly refused him, even with your news."
"Yes, and I do not think I can refuse him again, no matter how much I dread the prospect of marrying him. He told me, the second time he proposed, that he would be willing to support my family. Oh Jane! I wish he had not asked me again!"
"Lizzy, we would not expect you to marry into misery to save our family, but are you sure -"
There was a knock at the door here, and the girls opened it to Mrs. Gardiner.
"Lizzy dear, do you mind if I join you? I have a feeling I know what you are talking of."
"Of course Aunt, you are always welcome, and yes, I was telling Jane about Mr. Darcy."
"I had intended to wait until tomorrow, but when I saw you both retire early, I thought it might be about this. Have you told her everything?"
At her sister's affirmative, Jane continued, "Lizzy, do you truly think Mr. Darcy would be so awful? I never thought him that bad."
"I am worried about so much! His own cousin, an acknowledged good friend, said that he likes to have his own way and I have seen it for myself. I do not want to be under the control of anyone! I know what is expected of we women, but I am a rational creature and would like to be treated as such. He said himself, both in his original proposal and the letter that followed, that he finds our family an unfortunate degradation. What if he cuts me off from you? I would never survive living like that without access to my family. He was very eloquent about my unsuitability as a wife. What if what he thinks is love is just an infatuation? When that fades, where does that leave me? What if he regrets marrying me? I would need to live with his resentment. At the best we might sink into indifference. I also do not want to live in a marriage without respect, it would be unbearable. He says he loves me, yet he contradicts that in the next sentence. I do not understand him!"
"Lizzy, I cannot believe a man could truly confess to be in love with you and not see that you have an independent spirit." Elizabeth went to interrupt, but her aunt held up her hand, "Please, let me continue. While I think you do not understand him, it does not follow that it is necessarily your fault. Unfortunately, I do not know him at all, and a few minutes of passing discussion does not give me much. Jane, I am going to depend upon you to help here, as you know him more than I do. While we do not want to tell you that you must marry him Lizzy, I do not think you should assume him to be a terrible marriage prospect. He was smart enough to appreciate you, which speaks much in his favor." Mrs. Gardiner said this last with a smile. "Can either of you think of a reason why you would say he is not a good man? Has he shown himself to have immoral habits?"
They thought quietly for a minute, and then Jane spoke, "He attended church when we were at Netherfield, and I have not seen him drink to excess. I also never once saw him flirt. He does not appear rakish to me. I do not think Mr. Bingley would have maintained his friendship with a disreputable man, either," she finished quietly.
Elizabeth reached out and squeezed Jane's hand at the last, and then spoke herself, "No, I would not say he is immoral. I think his true dealings with Mr. Wickham answer that, too. But really, Mr. Collins meets all of those requirements. I do not think either of them bad men, just not ones I can live with!"
"Lizzy, I do not think Mr. Collins and Mr. Darcy are anything close to the same," said Jane. "While Mr. Collins is not a bad man, Mr. Darcy is very much something more." Jane paused for a moment, deciding if what she wanted to say next would truly help her sister. "Lizzy, I think that you have decided who Mr. Darcy is based off of your first meeting. While he was very wrong to speak of a lady in the manner he did, especially within hearing of her, I think he has proven to be a different man than that suggests. You are generally quite accurate in your assessments of people, and over time you have become confident in your ability, maybe too confident. As a result, when you are wrong I think you have a difficult time altering your impression. I also think that you only saw what you wanted to see because he offended you. Do you truly dislike Mr. Darcy that much, or are you more upset that he refuses to stay in the box where you put him?"
Elizabeth stared at Jane in shock. She had never heard her sister be so bluntly honest with her. Anyone but Jane saying those things she would have brushed off, but Jane? The sister who knew her best? Who was kind to and considerate of everyone? She could not remember Jane ever offering insight into her own character before, even though she did speak her mind about others. She was generally very accurate. Was she right here, too?
When Elizabeth did not say anything for a while, Mrs. Gardiner added, "Lizzy, you know that your judgement is usually quite sound. I do not think either of us blame you for holding to it, but maybe it is time to take a fresh look at Mr. Darcy."
Elizabeth nodded but did not respond. Had she done that? Refused to see anything other than a man who had insulted her? Was she really that vain? Had he done anything else to cause her dislike? Even with his proposals and letter, she still felt that they were little more than strangers. How did he think he loved her enough to marry her in spite of everything he had seen as obstacles to their relationship? They barely knew one another!
"I can admit that I have been seeking fault in him. But I do not think he helps himself! I still do not like his arrogant and aloof attitude, nor his views of my family. Aunt, he called you an 'unfortunate relation!' I am still worried that he would try to cut me off from you. I also do not think he would respect me. I do not know what he sees in me that makes him want to marry me, but he has made it very clear that I should be grateful that he is stooping so low. How can that ever work?"
"Are you sure he is that aloof?" asked Jane, "or could he be very shy?"
Elizabeth could acknowledge that possibility. He had thought Jane had no feeling for Mr. Bingley because she was quiet, and Elizabeth knew she was just private with her feelings. Could his silence in company truly be simple shyness?
"I do think your worries about your family and his respect are valid concerns," said her aunt, "but his opinion of your uncle and me is not unique to him. I do not let it bother me usually, since we are quite satisfied with our lifestyle and our general circle of acquaintances. It does not particularly concern me that he thinks that way, but I would not want him to refuse to acknowledge your family. I agree that you would have a rough time of it, closed off from everyone you know. But I also think that you are an intelligent, graceful woman who would quickly gain his respect if you have not already. Again, I cannot believe a man who loves you would do that to you. He would have to know that it would ruin your spirit, which would leave him without the woman he fell for anyway. You could ask him before giving your response. If he was willing to give you time, I think he would answer any questions you may have. "
Elizabeth was quiet for some time, feeling even more overwhelmed, before she finally said, "I think I need to spend some time working through all you have said. I would like to retire now."
"Lizzy, I love you the same, no matter your decision," Jane said, as she pulled her sister into a hug.
Mrs. Gardiner agreed, and joined them for a minute before they all headed to bed.
Elizabeth lay awake for a very long time, thinking about what they did and did not say. She felt it was very clear that they did not think she would say no, and each decided to help her accept the decision.
A/N: Another shorter chapter. I do think they will get longer from here. We're finally headed to London and Mr. Darcy in the next one. I'm impatient to bring him back to the story, which has made these chapters hard to work on. I wanted to rush through them!