A/N: I see the periodic comment that Elizabeth is holding on to her dislike of Darcy for too long. I truly think she is acting in character. In the original, when she and the Gardiners met him at Pemberley, she was waiting for him to be embarrassed by her relations. She also used the thought that the Gardiners would have been lost to her to save herself from regret (chapter 43). That was four months after the letter. If she expected him to hold the ideas of her inferiority for that long, I don't think a few weeks is a stretch. When I lost my father this year (I'm only 32, he was 57, it was a sudden, horrible, wasting disease), I spent several weeks uselessly wishing life wouldn't have changed. When we're grieving, it's easy to be unreasonable. She wishes he wouldn't have proposed again so that she wouldn't need to make a choice, and is resenting him for it. I'm having her work through this mostly in her head, which we are privy to (which I can acknowledge may be too much - the fault of reading a WIP of an aspiring author - sorry!). Once she stops fighting this, it will get better. Also, Jane and Mrs. Gardiner represent reason here, she trusts them and will listen to them. I think she needs to work herself back to normal and then work on improving beyond that. Hopefully for our and Darcy's sakes it happens soon. ;)
I very much appreciate all of the comments. The constructive criticism allows me to see where I might be running away with a thought too long, like Lizzy's rambling mind. That they are overall positive is very motivating. Thank you for being a part of my development as a writer!
(7)
The priority of the next few days was talking Mrs. Bennet into changing rooms. Mrs. Gardiner and the girls had agreed that it would be easier to have her move before the Collinses came. There was a second set of rooms that worked as a suite, but it was not nearly what the master and mistresses chambers were. They thought it unlikely that the new Master would be fine with less than the best room in the house, in light of the self-importance displayed earlier in the week.
The spent all of Friday morning trying to work on her, to no avail. Surprisingly, Lydia made the comments that worked the best.
"When I cannot have something I want, I make sure the person who does have it knows how much I do not care. Pick a different room, and then redo the whole thing! When they arrive, show off how happy you are with it. The accounts in town are directed to Longbourn. Go run up a bill, and let Mr. Collins pay for it when he gets here. He is the heir, he has to settle up any debts on the estate, does he not? If it were up to me, I would run up every bill I could, just to show him I could. Really, why should we all not go buy something new for ourselves? It would be such fun, and he cannot really do much when the money is already spent," she laughed.
Their mother perked up at this, and latched on to the suggestion. She was ready to follow Lydia's plan completely and have them all order the most expensive fabrics to have new mourning dresses made and everything, but Mrs. Gardiner talked her down. While the rest of them were not comfortable adding anything that was not absolutely necessary to the accounts, they decided that allowing Mrs. Bennet a little extravagance now would save them all, including the Collinses, a headache later. In the end, Jane and Kitty went into Meryton for new fabrics for drapes and bedding, and picked out a few other things to change over the new room. Lydia wanted to go, but no one trusted her to control her expenses. Besides, it would be indecent to be out gallivanting with officers only a week after their father died, and they expected nothing less from the youngest in the family. She had already been complaining that their society was boring, and asking when they could go to their Aunt Phillips for tea again.
The next few days were filled with sewing and moving their mother. These activities distracted them all well enough to keep their spirits up. They also saw the Gardiners off on Saturday, as planned. The Friday after the next was set for Elizabeth to remove to London to stay with them.
The Collinses arrived on Monday at four o'clock, as planned. The first meeting was very awkward, as Mrs. Bennet did not wish to greet them properly, saying that she was no longer mistress so it was not her duty. Jane stepped forward to do the honors. She took Mr. and Mrs. Collins to meet the staff, and showed them the rooms that would be theirs. The Bennet ladies did their best to stay out of the way after that, hoping to avoid Mr. Collins and his speeches and also to give Charlotte a little space to find her bearings.
If Elizabeth needed any more persuasion that marriage to Mr. Darcy was the best choice, her mother and cousin did their best. The next two weeks, after her aunt and uncle left, Elizabeth spent much time walking the lanes around Longbourn. She tried to stay in the house as long as possible to help Jane and Charlotte smooth the atmosphere, but she simply could not last. Not only did she need time to think about her own future, but she wanted to avoid the stress of the house. Mr. Collins was pontificating on their need to be women of virtue and continuously reminding them of his benevolence in allowing them to stay. He was the most magnanimous man in the history of all time, if he was to be taken seriously. She was ready to scream at that alone. Add in the tension of the biting remarks of her mother on 'men who took that which was not rightfully theirs,' 'grasping women who reached above their station,' and 'undutiful daughters who ruined everything' and she knew this could not last for any of them.
She did feel for her mother, needing to give way in her own house to another woman, and so soon after her husband's death. She might find Mrs. Bennet frustrating at times, but no woman deserved to have her grief compounded by this amount of upheaval. She could have handled the transition better, but Elizabeth truly felt that many women would not. Her heart also ached for Charlotte. While her dear friend chose Mr. Collins with eyes wide open, she could never have anticipated the change in situation happening so soon. Charlotte was desperately trying to keep the peace in a house overcrowded by dependent relations when she should be allowed to enjoy setting up her new home as she saw fit. Instead, she was trying to change as little as possible, in understanding of Mrs. Bennet's feelings. While Elizabeth had lost some respect for Charlotte upon her marriage to Mr. Collins, she was quickly gaining it back, plus some, with her handling of this stressful situation.
The Friday exactly three weeks after she had made the trip home finally came, and she felt both guilty and relieved; guilty because she was leaving Jane to deal with this alone and so very relieved to escape it herself. She only wished she was happier with her decision. She only had two questions for Mr. Darcy that might have bearing on her choice, but even if he disappointed, she would probably still agree to marry him.
She said goodbye to her family with whispered good wishes from Jane, disturbingly accurate requests from her mother to snap up a husband rich enough to save them, whining from Lydia that she never got to go anywhere fun, and simple, quiet hugs from Mary and Kitty. She and Charlotte had said their goodbyes earlier so that the family could have their moment. Her friend had also found something or other to keep Mr. Collins busy until all he had time for was stepping out of the house to hope for her safe journey. The rest of his comments faded as she rode away.
The trip to London was filled with thoughts on how to answer Mr. Darcy while keeping hold of her emotions. He might be well aware that she did not want to marry him, but she did not want to carry on hysterically. Elizabeth was determined to handle this gracefully. Since she had grudgingly decided marrying Mr. Darcy was the lesser of the evils before her, she was glad Jane and her aunt helped her begin to see him in a better light. If she was going to do this, she did not want to enter the married state resentful toward her husband. It would do her no good to fight this life. She was going to need to learn to embrace it, and she might as well start now.
The coach reached London on time, and her uncle was able to meet her at the station and take her back to Gracechurch Street.
"Well Lizzy, it is good to see you again. How is Longbourn fairing?"
"Longbourn itself is just fine, I am sure. Her residents, on the other hand, might not survive the year if things continue as they are."
"That bad, is it? Well, have you decided if you are going to change that?"
"I have," Elizabeth sighed, "and yes, I am fairly certain I am. I need to ask him a few things, but I doubt they will change my answer. I would just like to know what I am getting myself into."
"Cannot blame you for that. You do know that your aunt and I will be there for you in any way we can, even after you are married, don't you? We will not send you off and leave you to your own devices. We both believe you deserve happiness in life, and want to help you achieve it. Even if it does not seem like it is starting that way, you could be marrying just the right man for you."
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows at her uncle for the last comment, but thanked him for his support, "I know you and Aunt Gardiner look out for the best for me. I want you to know that I have always appreciated it, and will be very glad to have it now."
Mr. Gardiner smiled at her, and then asked, "So, when would you like me to call on Mr. Darcy and let him know you are back in town? Do you want a few days?"
"I would rather you called today, if you have the time. Now that I am ready to make my choice, I would rather get it over with. Besides, the sooner you marry me off, the sooner we keep Longbourn safe from burning to the ground!"
"That's my girl. You always have faced the world head on."
They went on to talk of more trivial matters until they arrived at the house. Mr. Gardiner deposited Elizabeth and her things with her aunt, and then left immediately to call on Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth did her best not to think about what her uncle was doing while her aunt helped her settle in.
Mr. Gardiner was very curious as to how Mr. Darcy would receive him. He knew, from conversation with his wife, that the man held the typical attitude of the ton in that as a tradesman, he was below their notice. At the same time, Mr. Darcy must know by now that insulting Lizzy's loved ones was not going to win her over. Unless he wanted to marry a woman who continued to hate him, that attitude was going to need to change. While Mr. Gardiner understood the respect due to those of higher ranking in society, he had no need to feign subservience to anyone. He was comfortable with who he was, and felt no need to apologize for it.
When he arrived at the house in Mayfair, he knocked on the knocker-less door. It was opened by a very stiff butler.
"Can I help you sir?" the man asked in a patronizing tone. Mr. Gardiner had a feeling this man brooked no interference with his master's wishes; a very good butler to have. With the knocker off the door, he was probably appalled that anyone had the gall to disturb them.
"Mr. Gardiner to see Mr. Darcy, please."
"Ah, yes, you are expected. Follow me please," said the man as he took Mr. Gardiner's outer things. His demeanor did not change. It was all Mr. Gardiner could do not to laugh at him. He followed the man further into the house and down a short hallway to a closed door. The butler knocked, and after hearing a "yes" from within, opened the door and announced him.
"Mr. Gardiner is here to see you, sir."
"Ah yes, thank you Morris."
Mr. Darcy stepped out from behind his desk as they entered the room, bowing to Mr. Gardiner as Morris closed the door behind his exit, "Welcome to my home, Mr. Gardiner. I am very glad to see you."
Mr. Gardiner bowed and then raised his eyebrow similarly to the way his niece would, "I bet you are. That is quite the butler you have. I am guessing no one gets past him unless you want them too."
"You would think. There are a few of my family members that he has yet to outmaneuver. He is handy for everyone else, though. Have a seat, please."
Darcy went back around his desk and sat. He made quite the imposing figure, so tall behind such a large desk. Mr. Gardiner had a feeling he was not often on the losing end of an argument, especially in here. He was going to find his hands full with Lizzy, though. No desk was going to frighten her. He hoped the young man was prepared to lose many an argument in the near future, if things went as his niece had indicated.
"Well, Mr. Darcy, I think we both know why I am here. Shall we get to the point?"
"Yes, sir," replied Darcy, suddenly feeling very nervous. He thought he had talked himself into calm acceptance of any answer Elizabeth was going to give him, but now, seeing her uncle before him, brought back all of his doubts and desires in a rush. He found himself twisting his signet ring, waiting for Mr. Gardiner to continue.
"Well, as you may have assumed, Elizabeth is back in town. She is ready to speak with you, if your offer still stands."
"It does. I am a man of my word."
"I had hoped so, but I know you by reputation only, you understand. I have heard only good things about the way you go about your business; honest, straightforward, and with respect. I have also heard that staff rarely leave your service, and if there are open positions they are highly sought after. I gather you treat servants well. I hear of no instances of you drinking to excess or gambling. Your name has also not been connected to women of disrepute. You appear to be a good man."
Darcy was surprised, and then grew annoyed as this apparent investigation into his life continued. He crossed his arms in irritation and asked, "May I ask what these comments are leading up to? I consider myself a man of honor, and do not appreciate having my integrity questioned."
Mr. Gardiner hoped he was doing the right thing. If the man had a bad enough temper to throw it all off over a few comments, it was not a good idea for Lizzy to marry him anyway. He pushed a little harder, "I wish to know how you intend to treat your wife. Men of your station do not generally have a good reputation, and I would like to know if yours is real or if you are simply better at hiding your sins. While Lizzy and her family's options are limited, my wife and I would like to know that we are not sending her into a veritable wolf's den. No amount of security is worth that."
Darcy sat up straighter and gripped the edge of his desk. Was this entire family going to look for the worst in him? Had Elizabeth put her uncle up to his? He was used to being respected wherever he went. He was not sure he had ever been so insulted! Who did this man think he was?
"Mr. Gardiner, I find what you are implying highly insulting. My reputation is good because my actions speak for themselves. My wife will be treated with the honor her position demands, and nothing less. I have no intention of speaking wedding vows that I do not mean to keep. She will be loved, comforted, honored, and there will be no others in our marriage. Is that sufficient for your interrogation?"
Mr. Gardiner smiled and sat back in his chair, "I believe I expected nothing less from you. I hope that you do not hold it against me, but I felt the best way to test your temper was to press it. You are also much more likely to be honest in a moment like that. I hope you understand my and my wife's concern that we barely know you. Forgive my impertinence, but I felt it had to be done. My respect for you only grows the more I know you, young man. I expect Lizzy will test your patience regularly, and if you handle yourself that well, you will do just fine. Now, when will you be calling on my niece?"
Darcy stared at the man across from him in shock, and his anger immediately deflated. He was impressed. In a matter of a few sentences, Mr. Gardiner had taken his entire measure, and was now confident in the assessment of his character. This man obviously cared much for his niece's future, to be willing to push him so far. It was also apparent that the Gardiners were not mercenary either. Perhaps this was why Elizabeth did not seem to fit with most of the rest of her family; how much time did she spend with them? He guessed a great deal. No wonder she was so offended when he judged them by their status.
"I am starting to see why Miss Bennet holds you in such high esteem. I will need to remember what you just did when young men start coming around for my sister, Georgiana."
Mr. Gardiner smirked, "You learn a few things out in the world of tradesmen. We are not so unfortunate as some may think."
He deserved that, and he knew it. He also did not think Mr. Gardiner was looking for a response to the comment, so he went back to the last question.
"May I call tomorrow morning?"
Now that the possibility was before him, he wanted to know his fate.
"I think Lizzy would prefer that. I assume that, if she accepts you, my wife will ask you to stay to dinner. Will you be free?"
Darcy was caught on Elizabeth wanting to see him sooner rather than later. It felt good, that she was not avoiding him. He easily knew nothing was on his calendar for tomorrow evening. He had not done any socializing since he had returned to London.
"I will be, and hopefully I will have the opportunity to dine with you. I will call at two o'clock, if you agree."
"I do. Was there anything you wanted to ask me? It only seems fair, after my questions."
"No, but I do want to tell you that I wish for Miss Bennet to be happy. I know that she does not desire this marriage. At first I thought I just needed to get her to see that we will do well together, but after a conversation with my cousin and a few weeks to think about it, I now see that I need to show her. If she agrees to be my wife, I will be doing everything in my power to do just that. I do love her."
"Glad to hear it. With your attitude, I think you will do alright. If Lizzy commits to you, I think you will find the same in her. She might not love you now, but I would not give up on her, either."
With that, the gentlemen parted and Mr. Gardiner headed back to Gracechurch Street. Darcy sat in reflection for a time. He was definitely beginning to see why Elizabeth was offended by his comments referring to the Gardiners. He had made assumptions about their intelligence and respectability based on their social standing, and those assumptions were quickly proving to be inaccurate. He genuinely wanted to know them better, and hoped Elizabeth would grant him the closer connection tomorrow.
The next morning found Elizabeth agitated like she had never been agitated before. She could not focus on any activity for long in her anticipation of Darcy's visit. She wondered if she would feel differently about seeing him, now that she had accepted her fate. Her aunt tried to keep her distracted, but it was fairly fruitless. Luncheon finally came, and then Elizabeth went to refresh herself for the interview. It took enough time that it was at last a quarter before the promised hour. She assumed he would be a timely man, as fastidious as he had shown himself to be, so she was hopeful that the agony of waiting would not be drawn out.
She was not disappointed. Her uncle called her into his study at five minutes to the hour, and they heard the commotion of the front door immediately afterward. James brought Darcy right to them, and suddenly she was facing him again.
"Thank you, James," said Mr. Gardiner. He turned to the couple before him and watched them for a moment.
Elizabeth curtsied as she said, "Mr. Darcy."
Mr. Darcy followed with a formal bow, "Miss Bennet, it is good to see you again."
Mr. Gardiner wanted to laugh again. If he had been worried about leaving them alone before, their stiff formality ended that.
"I will leave the door ajar, but your conversation will be private. Just know that we will not be far," Mr. Gardiner said the last with a look to Darcy. He gave Elizabeth's shoulder a gentle squeeze, and left them alone.
Elizabeth chose to sit, but Darcy stayed standing. Silence reigned for a few minutes while neither of them looked at the other.
Elizabeth finally broke it, "Would you mind sitting? You are very tall, and I find it awkward to keep looking up at you and disconcerting when you pace."
"Of course, I apologize," he said as he sat stiffly in the chair facing hers. He looked directly at her now, there was no avoiding his gaze.
Elizabeth felt obligated to speak first, and she decided to ask her questions so they could move on to her answer. "My uncle has told me that your offer still stands."
"It does."
"Then, if you do not mind, I have a question I would like to ask before I give you my answer."
"Anything," replied Darcy, while twisting the ring on his finger.
"Will I be allowed to see my family after we marry?"
"Yes, of course! Why would you think otherwise?" Darcy exclaimed. At her silent look, he continued on a sigh, "Right, please do not answer that. I am becoming quite aware of my error in judging your family when I had not yet met them. If it helps, I have been pleasantly surprised by the Gardiners."
"I am not surprised by that, they are wonderful and some of my very favorite people. So will I be allowed to invite them and the rest of my family for visits? Will my relations be allowed at Pemberley?"
"Yes! I have no intention of cutting you off from anyone. As my wife," Darcy was thoughtful for a moment, it felt so good to say that! He went on, "As my wife, while I would hope that you would want my opinion on invitations, you will have the right to invite whomever you wish. I have no intention of controlling you, Elizabeth."
Elizabeth was a little startled by his use of her Christian name. His voice had softened slightly on it, almost in reverence. It was...nice. She felt a significant amount of her worry melt away. He did not wish to control her! If he could say it, then she trusted him to mean it. She distinctly remembered him saying that he hated any kind of disguise.
Darcy watched her visibly relax before she spoke, "I accept your proposal, Mr. Darcy."
He was startled. It was so simply said, and it did not sound...dreaded. It was almost as though she was truly willing. He felt a powerful warmth steal over him. She had agreed!
Elizabeth watched a small smile appear on Darcy's face. She thought him handsome, even in her anger she had acknowledged that, but with a smile, he was dangerously so.
"I swear to you, Elizabeth - I am sorry, may I call you Elizabeth now?" at her nod, he continued, "you will not regret this. I will make sure of it." At this, he reached over and took her hand. He gently pulled it to his lips and placed a kiss on her gloveless knuckles. She had never had her bare skin kissed before, what a sensation!
Elizabeth would never refer to Darcy as a lively man, but his expression was animated like she had never seen before. It was gratifying to bring such pleasure. If only he was always this unguarded in his emotion, he would be so much easier to read and understand!
"I will hold you to it, sir," Elizabeth said, as she graced him with a small smile in return.
"Shall we join your aunt and uncle and begin our planning?" he asked, as held out his arm.
She took it slowly and they left the study for the sitting room.
It was done, they were engaged. While Elizabeth was no longer truly afraid, she still had many reservations about their ability to get along. They had spent most of their time before this quarreling, and she did not particularly wish to spend the rest of their lives doing so. How they were going to make this work, she had no idea. Still, he obviously wanted this, and she was willing to do what she could.
For Darcy, he was happy to have her acceptance, but nearly as happy to have had a conversation where he had not angered her at all. After their last few meetings, he was beginning to wonder if it was possible. Thankfully, he now had a lifetime to figure it out.
A/N: Before I hear that Lizzy has changed her mind too quickly, please bear with me! There's a large gap between acknowledging what needs to happen and actually putting it into practice. This is where I've been trying to get them. I think that both of them are the type to enter this marriage with good intentions - not at each other's throats - but that's not everything. They have a long way to go toward understanding and true love. This is the downfall with the WIP method of publishing, you can't see where I'm taking this quickly enough. As Evelyn Carnahan says - patience is a virtue! :)