(9)

Dinner that evening was again filled with warm, pleasant conversation. While Elizabeth was no longer completely surprised by Darcy's amiability with her aunt and uncle, she was still waiting to see how long it would last. When her aunt invited the Darcys to Gracechurch Street in return, would Georgiana be allowed to come? Even further down the road, would he be so accepting of all her family now? She doubted that. When he had laid judgement on the Gardiners, it was before he had met them. They had easily proven him wrong, and he already knew her mother and younger sisters. She understood that they could be a handful, but they were her family. All she really wanted there was for him to be less proud and more agreeable. He had made no effort at pleasant manners with them in Hertfordshire, but she hoped that would change.

For Darcy, the night was a teaser of what was to come. Spending the evening in pleasant company with his Elizabeth was wonderful. The only downside was her leaving with her aunt and uncle. He was looking forward to when she would stay with him, where she belonged.

Plans were made for dinner at the Gardiners' in a few days. Darcy accepted on behalf of both him and Georgiana without hesitation. He had spent enough time with the Gardiners to know that they were clever, well-informed people who provided excellent conversation. He had been to their home more than once, and it was in a clean, safe neighborhood. He did not see any reason why Georgiana could not spend her time in such good company. He remembered the reproofs from both his cousin and Elizabeth about his evaluating people's quality by their rank in society, and he saw that they were right. He had become snobbish because it was easier than trying to get to know people, but he was intelligent enough to recognize that he to would rather spend his time in the Gardiners' sitting room than Lady Catherine's. His sister's delicate spirit was safer there, too.

The ladies made plans to begin wedding dress shopping the following Monday. They had agreed that it would be a good test of Mrs. Bonner's shop to try for the dress there. If Elizabeth was comfortable, then she could return for her trousseau after the wedding. If they waited until Monday, the banns would have been read and she would be more likely to be accepted for an appointment with the Darcy name believably behind her. Her aunt did not think they could procure an appointment without it in a modiste the ton used, as her name was not enough.

That night, Elizabeth sat down to write to her mother. If the letter was posted in the morning, she could be assured that it would arrive at Longbourn before the banns were read on Sunday. Elizabeth had written to Jane last Sunday to share her news, and hoped to receive a reply soon. She wished that Jane could be in London with her during this time, but they both knew that Jane was more needed at Longbourn. She could help keep the peace, and would also be there for their mother when she was given the news of Elizabeth's engagement. They were fairly certain they knew how their mother would react, but they were less sure of Mr. Collins. He would be getting rid of one of them, but it was Elizabeth, and to his former patroness' nephew. He ought to be happy, but they were not sure how deep his resentment of her went, and if Mr. Darcy's higher status would affect his reaction.

Elizabeth wrote a short note to Charlotte as well, so that she would have warning of the news.

Elizabeth received the return letter from Jane on Saturday morning. Her sister sent genuine felicitations for her future. Jane was pleased that Mr. Darcy would welcome their family, not that she had thought he would do anything less. Her cheerfulness still seemed forced to Elizabeth, but with all that had happened it was impossible to tell where the sadness stemmed most from. To her relief, Longbourn did not sound any worse than when she had left. It had been less than a week when Jane wrote the letter, but her leaving had likely helped both her mother and Mr. Collins, since she was the most resented by them. Overall, the letter did not contain any surprises, thankfully.

Darcy brought Georgiana early for dinner on Saturday, with the excuse that Mr. Gardiner needed to sign the final settlement documents. Truly he wished for some time with Elizabeth, preferably alone, or as alone as they were allowed to be. He could acknowledge that he had been blind to believe that a few amicable conversations meant she cared for him when he had proposed at Rosings. That he had caught her completely unawares with that proposal showed it. If they were going to be successful as a couple, they needed to know each other better and there was only so much that could be said in polite company. While he could wait until they were married, he preferred to work on her opinion of him sooner rather than later.

As soon as they had exchanged greetings with the ladies, Mr. Gardiner was busy yet, he suggested a walk to the group. After a little discussion, it was settled that the four adults would walk with the Gardiner children and their governess to the park near the house.

Darcy offered Elizabeth his arm as soon as they reached the street, and allowed the remainder of the group to move a little in front of them. To his relief, Elizabeth did not appear worried about being alone with him.

"I have seen the fabric and paint being used to update the mistress' rooms, and I think the colors are very nice and suit you well," he said. He had settled on that being a safe topic to start.

Elizabeth looked a little surprised at his interest and replied with a simple, "Thank you."

"I am not surprised by the colors, though. Your disposition is bright and lively, and I have always thought you dressed to match. I expect you like to surround yourself with sunny colors when you can."

Elizabeth looked at him in amazement. That he had not only noticed, but clearly put thought into the way she dressed was a bit startling.

"You are correct, I generally prefer colors that remind me of sunshine."

They were quiet again. Darcy had hoped she would continue the conversation, as she usually did, and he did not know what else to talk about. The longer they were silent, the more frustrated he became. He did not wish to waste this opportunity on pointless small talk.

"Is your family planning to come to town for the wedding?" he finally asked.

"Yes, they will come about a week before," she replied.

That seemed like the right moment to ask him something that had been on her mind.

"Who will be standing up with you at the wedding?" she asked.

Darcy hesitated to respond, "I would ask Bingley, but now I am not sure if that is a good idea."

"And why not?" Elizabeth asked sharply.

"I do not want to make him uncomfortable," he said stiffly.

"I assume you are referring to Jane's presence. She will be in London a full week beforehand. If they are both accepting of standing up opposite of the other, we can ask them if they would like to have their first meeting in a quieter place."

She looked over at Darcy and saw his face was that unreadable mask he wore, and she grew more frustrated, "Or were you not planning on telling Mr. Bingley about the possibility of Jane caring for him? Were you hoping he would not question why you are willing to marry me when you convinced him that Jane was too low for him? I highly doubt you are going to drop the acquaintance, and it is not like you can hide a wife!"

"It has nothing to do with you or your sister's status. Do you know for sure that your sister still cares for Bingley? What if he has been gone too long and she no longer cares? I have not seen him since the middle of March, his feelings may be lessening as well. He has not gone back on his decision and visited her. Why throw them together if it will just cause them pain?"

Elizabeth was furious, and it was everything she could do to control her voice, "And who are you to decide for them when you do not even know? You are the principal reason that they did not have a chance to work out the possibility of a future in the first place. He has not visited because you told him he should not. He obviously puts incredibly too much faith in your judgement. Even if they are making a mistake, they are two adults in control of their own faculties and it is not your job to oversee them!"

Elizabeth wanted to scream. She dropped his arm and turned to look directly at him. Was he going to try to do this to her when they married? Make decisions of this magnitude about her without even consulting her opinion? Did he think this meant 'not controlling' her?

Darcy was taken off guard by her anger and was trying to think over what she had said to formulate a reply.

He took too long to respond and Elizabeth spoke again, her voice trembling, "Would you stand for anyone interfering in your life in such a manner? I may not know you very well, but I am quite certain you would be absolutely furious if you found out someone tried to direct your life without consulting your wishes. Are you saying that they cannot think for themselves? I find what you are doing an insult to the intelligence of someone you claim to care about!"

At this she walked away from him toward the rest of their group. She did not wish to cry, and she knew that she was on the verge of saying things in anger that she would regret.

Darcy watched her walk away from him without giving him a chance to respond. He was annoyed that she was so quick to assume the worst in him yet. How were they supposed to get to know each other if at each opportunity she did not give him a chance? The walk was not going the way he had hoped at all. He sighed. He needed to figure out what had made her so angry so quickly.

As he slowly caught up to the group, he thought through what she had said, hoping to figure out where he had gone wrong in her eyes. He genuinely did not wish to meddle in Bingley and Miss Bennet's future again. He wanted to leave it alone. He was worried that if he told Bingley that Miss Bennet cared for him but she turned out not to, his friend would be even more devastated. On Bingley's side, he knew that Charles had been sadder than usual after leaving Hertfordshire, and that it had taken a significant amount of convincing to get him to believe Jane Bennet did not love him. Charles had asked his opinion of marrying Jane, and he had given his friend the advice he had felt best at the time.

Elizabeth had accused Bingley of relying too much on his judgement, and then Darcy of not letting his friend think for himself, insulting Bingley's intelligence. He knew that Charles was a clever man, he would not care for their friendship so much if he was not. But he was also younger, more naive in the world, and rather tender-hearted when it came to the fairer sex. He did rely on Darcy's judgement where he was unsure of himself. But did he, Darcy, take over his friend's ability to think for himself? Darcy knew that he himself would not let a friend's advice stand in the way of the woman he loved, he went after what he wanted. But Bingley would. Had he taken advantage of that when he had not just offered advice but talked his friend into his decision? Had he decided his friend was not smart enough to think for himself? He suddenly felt ashamed of himself. When had he become so arrogant? He was being high-handed, in the beginning and now. His friend and her sister were perfectly capable of deciding their futures for themselves. She had said he was the principal reason they did not have the option of thinking for themselves, and she was right.

Was that enough to make Elizabeth so angry, though? She had seemed near tears. Even though her sister was affected, he did not think that was enough to upset her so. There was something more underlying, and he needed to figure out what that was.

He hurried to catch up with the group. He saw that Elizabeth was playing with her cousins while his sister and Mrs. Gardiner chatted to the side. He decided to join their conversation and give Elizabeth time before speaking to her again. He mostly stood silently next to the women, but both of them seemed to recognise that he needed time to himself and let him be.

When Mrs. Gardiner declared it was time for the children to return to the house, Darcy quickly moved to offer Elizabeth his arm again. She hesitated, but then took it. He was relieved that she was at least willing to walk with him again. He took it as permission to speak as well.

"You are right. It is wrong to purposely keep Bingley and Miss Bennet apart to spare discomfort, and I do respect their ability to think for themselves."

Elizabeth was startled by his simple admission. Would she ever cease to be surprised by this man?

Darcy saw that she did not appear angry anymore and decided to simply ask her what he wanted to know.

"It appears to me that you are upset about more than just my interference, though."

"I am worried that our definition of 'not controlling' is not nearly the same thing," Elizabeth replied after a moment. "Just last week you said you have no wish of controlling me, yet I see you making decisions that impact peoples' lives without consulting them at all. To me, that is controlling the information they have to think for themselves, and therefore impacting their ability to make their own choices. If you do not see anything wrong with doing so, I assume you will treat me the same way. I do not like it."

"I did not think of it that way. I have been making decisions that impact others for so long, tenants and servants and such, that I just do what I see is best. I am afraid that I have let it slip into situations where I do not have authority. You were right that I would not be pleased if anyone else did the same to me. I am sorry that you had to worry that I will do that to you. I promise that I will try to remember to include you in all decisions that impact you."

Darcy felt her relax as she said, "Thank you."

"I do wish for Bingley to be my groomsman. How do you suggest we go about handling the delicate situation of my friend and Miss Bennet?" he asked.

He was rewarded with a brilliant smile. He found himself smiling slightly in return. It appeared they were back to cordiality again.

"I think that if you speak to Mr. Bingley and I speak to Jane, and we both let them know that we would like them to stand up with us and that the other will be there, they will live with it for our sakes. They each care enough about us to act as though everything is well, even if it is not. I think we will likely have a dinner with my family before the wedding, and with Mr. Bingley being your groomsman, it is very fitting for him to be invited. Then at least they will not see each other for the first time at the wedding itself. Now the other question I would ask is when will we be correcting the misconception that they have of each other's feelings? Due to his lack of confidence, Mr. Bingley does not think Jane loves him, and due to his abandonment, Jane feels the same. Since it stems from faulty advice, I think we need to help Mr. Bingley along a little."

Darcy was pleased by her inclusion of them both, as a pair, in the solution. It felt good to know they would work together, especially since he was not particularly looking forward to telling Bingley he had purposely kept Miss Bennet's presence in town from him.

"I need to confess to Bingley that I hid your sister's visit to town from him. I will also need to tell him that I am no longer certain that she does not love him. I do not want to get his hopes up though, if she will no longer have him because of his inconstancy. Are you sure she still loves him?"

"I think she does," Elizabeth replied, "but she does not tell me so anymore, like she had in the winter. She is still greatly affected by the mention of his name, though. It is difficult to tell from her letters now, since she has so many other reasons to be sad. While I think that she still loves him enough to forgive his inconstancy, I cannot say for sure that she would immediately. I want you to know that I do understand your desire to protect your friend from the pain of that. I do not want to open up wounds in either of them unnecessarily, but if they still love each other and are being kept apart by misinformation, I think we need to correct their information if we can. Perhaps simple honesty is the best idea here."

"I agree. It does not follow that I want to make this confession. Bingley could rightly hate me for this. I do not wish to lose my friend."

"Do you not find your friendship on unequal footing right now, though? It would bother me to the point of avoiding him if I were in your shoes."

He sighed. She was right, he had been avoiding Bingley out of guilt. While this would be painful he needed to do it.

"You are aggravatingly correct," he said ruefully, which caused her to burst out laughing.

"I am glad to see you concede to me however unwillingly," she said with dancing eyes. "If it helps, you may tell Mr. Bingley that I think he would make an excellent brother. I will do what I can to help her stay in love with him."

"He would make an excellent brother, wouldn't he."

"Just what Miss Bingley has been hoping for! She would love to find out that you and her brother are related by marriage," she said mischievously. "Perhaps not the way she is thinking, but the same result."

"And the only way it was ever going to happen, no matter what she hoped for," he shuddered as he said it. "I cannot imagine being married to her. The idea she has held of Charles marrying my sister was not much better. Georgiana is far too young to be marrying, but that has not stopped her from dropping incredibly obvious hints."

"If her brother married your sister, you would be thrown together constantly. How could you fail to see her as the perfect choice for your wife then? She has something in her air and the manner of her walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, in addition to all of her accomplishments."

Darcy looked at Elizabeth earnestly, "But what about improving her mind by extensive reading? All of those other accomplishments pale in comparison to a well-informed mind. That is my idea of an ideal woman, the only one I want for my wife."

He had realised that he was too subtle in his compliments to her before, too indirect. He had been trying to control them so that she would not get the wrong idea, but now that he wanted her to have that particular idea, he wished he had not been so circumspect.

Elizabeth flushed at this and was silent. She was starting to see where Darcy had complimented her before and she had missed it in her high dudgeon. Had he truly been attracted to her even then?

They reached the house, and Darcy was very satisfied. While they had argued yet again, good understanding had come from it. He considered the walk a success of his hopes.

Darcy and Elizabeth were both very appreciative the presence of the Gardiners. They were such excellent hosts, smoothly keeping everyone comfortable. They kept conversation going when it lagged, bringing the group together when needed and allowing Darcy and Elizabeth small moments of semi-privacy when they saw it was desired. They both put Georgiana at ease, too. Elizabeth could not imagine trying to conduct this courtship at Longbourn under the interference of her mother and Mr. Collins. It would have been disastrous.

The next morning, while Elizabeth was attending church with her aunt and uncle's family, she thought about the banns being read at Longbourn. She wondered if it would cause a stir. If it did not on its own, she had no doubt that her mother would make sure it did. There was no going back now, though. Her future was being declared to the world as she sat in a pew. She felt a small amount of anxiety at the thought, but it soon passed. At least there were no banns read here. Due to their marrying from Darcy's London parish, he would have to sit through the banns being read, which with his aversion to public display, she was sure he would not enjoy.

Elizabeth was correct in her thinking. At the end of services, there were several sets of wedding banns read, and Darcy sat stiffly next to Georgiana in the pew until his came up. While he enjoyed hearing he and Elizabeth's names together, he did not enjoy the stares and startled expressions which invariably followed. It would not be so hard if he were at Pemberley to hear it, but here in London any surprise news of a marriage in the ton was cause for gossip. He tried to gather Georgiana quickly and escape, but they were not fast enough.

It would probably help if the questions were not so pointless. Asking if it was true when the banns had just been read followed up by where his bride's family was from when it was stated in the banns themselves made it difficult to keep him from rolling his eyes. He spoke as little as possible and escaped as soon as he could. Once they were safely in the carriage he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Are you well, brother?" asked Georgiana.

He looked at her in surprise, "Yes."

"You seem angry, is all."

"I do not like being made into a spectacle."

"Do you really think they were doing that? People are naturally curious, and I do not think they were being malicious."

"I know that, but do they need to ask such pointless questions? Really, they did not learn anything new by it."

"You aren't generally going to learn anything new in small talk, it is just being polite."

"I do not like it."

Georgiana watched him for a minute and then burst out laughing, "When did you get to be such a curmudgeon, brother?"

Darcy looked at his sister sharply, "You sound like Elizabeth."

She responded with a grin, "According to your fiancee, it is good for you to be laughed at once in a while." She caught Darcy off-guard when she became more serious, "Really brother, what would Elizabeth have said if she would have seen how you handled that? Sometimes you have to put up with inane small talk as part of polite society. It is rude not to."

Darcy contemplated her last comments. Did he really come across as a curmudgeon? He did not like small talk, but did that make him rude? Is this what Elizabeth had meant when she had scolded him for his 'arrogance, conceit, and selfish disdain for others' that evening at Hunsford? She had said that it was based purely off his behaviour, not the misconceptions she had been under. The two women he loved most had now called him out for his behaviour towards people he found annoying. It was hard to deny the possibility of their being right when they both said it separately. He looked up at his sister, who was now calmly looking out the window. She was obviously not upset with him, which Elizabeth had been, so it was not stemming from anger. He thought himself above the small talk. Had that translated into considering himself above the people who made it? Many people he respected were perfectly capable of making small talk, and he did not consider himself above them.

They were right. Just because he did not want to make small talk did not make it acceptable for him to be rude to those who did. When had his manners become so lacking? He cringed. He had always considered himself to be of good breeding, but the more time he spent with Elizabeth, the more he realised he had fallen away from what he knew was right and allowed himself to think meanly of the rest of the world. Because of his status he was not censured for it, but was that who he wanted to be? A spoiled, selfish, arrogant man who felt entitled? He was lucky a woman of Elizabeth's integrity was even willing to marry him. No wonder she had not wanted to, and had only agreed when forced by her circumstances. He reached home feeling heartily ashamed of himself.

A/N: Darcy has yet to be fully "heartily ashamed" of himself as he says in the end of the original. I think that so quickly getting what he wanted made him forget some of the introspection he would have done if left to himself to endlessly try and figure out where he'd gone wrong. Caught up in the moment, he will be getting his humility handed to him in pieces over the next few weeks in the story. We're seeing some of the dawning comprehension now.

Thanks again for the lovely reviews, as someone who has a strong need to be liked, they are great for the soul! ;)