"Are you listening to me, Spencer?" Ryan asked before sighing. "Spencer Reid."
"Hmm?" Spencer took his eyes off the picture of JJ and Henry, trying to keep his mind from wondering to what JJ had said. It still didn't make sense to him.
"I said... What's going on with you? You haven't been paying attention at all."
"I'm sorry Ryan, I..." He paused, wondering if he should be completely honest. He didn't want Ryan to worry about something that didn't matter. He frowned. Did it not matter? Sure, it didn't. That was the past. Even if JJ still loved him, he loved Ryan and he couldn't...They couldn't be together regardless if Ryan was in the picture or not.
"You what, Spencer? Please do not tell me that something 've only been there a day, Spence!"
"No, no. Nothing happened. JJ and I just talked. She...She told me she was in love with me and-"
"How nice." She said sarcastically.
"Ryan."
"What? Am I supposed to be happy about this declaration?"
"It doesn't matter. I don't believe her."
"...Why not? It's pretty freakin' evident." She said, her New York accent getting thicker.
Spencer licked his lips before smiling a little. "Pretty freakin' evident, huh?"
"Oh don't even, Spencer. You ignore me and now you're making fun of me?"
"I am not. I love your accent."
"I'm going to kill you."
"No you aren't. Say You're again."
"Spencer!"
"Please?"
"I hate you." She said with a little laugh. She sighed a little. "Spencer...are you going to leave me for her?"
Spencer sat on the bed, leaning back against his pillows. "No, love."
She sighed again. "Can't you just come home? I don't like this."
"Ryan, it's going to be fine."
"For you! You get to be around your son and a woman who is in love with you, your best friends."
"And you're with your friends."
"But.."
"Are you in bed?"
"This is not the time, Spencer."
He rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean it like that, Ryan."
"I know." She said, softly. "I'm sorry. If I had a child and the father of it came around and told me that he still crazy in love with me, you wouldn't be happy either."
Spencer frowned. "You have a point."
"Thank you. and Yes I'm in bed. It's 11 here. meaning it's like 2 there. Why are you up so late?"
"I wanted to talk to you when you were going to bed."
"It's 2 am though, Spence."
"I wanted to be awake if JJ called in case Henry had another nightmare."
"You need to sleep though, hon. You wouldn't be much help if you're exhausted."
"I'm used to not sleeping much."
Ryan was quiet for a moments, wondering about him. Spencer closed his eyes, wondering what she was thinking about.
"Can I ask you something?" She asked after a few minutes of silence.
"Sure." He said, softly, the day finally catching up to him.
"You said you've always loved her...how... when did it start?"
"When did I realize I loved her?" He asked and frowned. "I always thought she was beautiful, I guess...I mean, you saw her she's beautiful."
Ryan made a disapproving noise.
"You're even more beautiful, Ryan. You have the most amazing smile in the world and your eyes and-"
"Good boy, now get back onto subject."
Spencer smiled before concentrating back on what he was supposed to talking about. "Ahh... we went on a date. My mentor gave me tickets to a football game and we went and we had a great time. She laughed a lot and she always called me Spence, you know. No one had ever called me Spence before. My mother and father always only called me Spencer and the kids in school... well, they had their own nicknames for me... It was tender and it was...warm and it.. Anyway, we went on this date and afterwards, we decided that it would be best to just remain friends because we worked together and if we didn't work out... it wouldn't be good, you know?"
"It seems to be working now."
"We were never in a relationship though. I never played mini golf with her or watched... well, we have watched movies together, but we've never done...relationship stuff."
"Right, you just had sex with her a bunch of times."
"Ryan."
"What, it's the truth."
"You make it sound so crass though."
"Isn't it? You two used each other. How is that love?"
"Because we let each other. We both needed each other and the only we trusted to see those imperfections and those vulnerabilities was with each other."
Ryan was silent. "You say it like that and it kind of sounds a bit dramatically beautiful."
Spencer laughed. "Kind of was, I guess."
"And now?"
"And now, what?"
"What are you two now?"
"Friends."
"You aren't friends, Spencer. You're..." She sighed. "You two have this...thing...and I don't know how to take it. You might not be having sex with her anymore, but there... it still feels like... There's more than one way to cheat on someone, you know?"
Spencer frowned. What was she saying?
"And I'm not saying that you are. or that you're going to... I just... I feel like we need to really talk about this. Do you still love her?"
Spencer was silent. Did he still love her?
"I love you." He said, softly. Didn't that matter more?
"Sometimes, I wonder if you even really understand what that means."
"What does that mean?"
Ryan sighed. "Do you still love her, Spencer?"
"Yes."
She inhaled sharply, not expecting that answer so quickly. "Well...uh..."
"Ryan... she's the mother of my child. She's the first woman who showed me any type of attention that wasn't necessarily for her own-"
"She did use you though, Spence."
"She was my friend first, Ryan. She was a close friend first and the first time, we didn't use each other. I had been kidnapped and abused and it was...I loved her and I love her and I will always love her and I don't... I don't want to hurt you because I love her. I don't want that to make you feel bad or make you nervous about us being together. I'm not going to cheat on you with her. She and I have something... unexplainable and I'm not.."
"What do we have?"
"I don't know yet. I know that I love you and I think you're a beautiful amazing woman. I think you're strong and I understand your weakness and your strengths. You're tough and caring and you're amazing with Henry. You're...I can see myself with you for as long as you're willing."
"What do the statistics say about relationships lasting when one partner loves someone else?"
"I'm not telling you."
She sighed. "That bad huh?"
"We don't have to be a statistic. You can trust me."
"I know I can, Spencer. I just don't want to get hurt. This is the first time since..."
"Your parents you've been this close to someone. I know."
"Maybe we should have waited."
"Maybe we should have." He said, sadly, wondering if she was about to break up with him. Was he being too honest? Was there a 'too honest?' He wasn't good at this. He wasn't good at this at all. He rubbed his forehead as the silence overtook them again. He wondered what she was doing and tried to hear something in the silence.
"I love you." She said, softly.
"I love you too, Ryan. You're the only one that I want to be with."
"If she kisses you or comes on to you, I'm going to shoot her."
"No you aren't." Spencer said and laughed a little, wondering if she was feeling
"You're right. but...seriously, she lost her chance. You're mine now."
"I'm yours huh?" He smirked, not knowing how to feel about being owned in a sense.
"Mmhmm. Mine."
Spencer smiled a little. "Are you mine as well?"
She hummed, thinking about it. "Nope, I'm an independent woman until you put a ring on it."
"What?" Spencer raised an eyebrow.
She chuckled a little. "Nothing. Yes, I have to say that I'm definitely yours, honey."
Spencer smiled at the nickname. "If I'm honey, then you got to be sugar."
Ryan giggled a little. "You're a dork."
"Nerd," He corrected before wrapping his arms around the pillow. "It feels weird to sleep alone. You've kind of taken my bed hostage these last few weeks."
"This bed's a lot bigger with you not in it too. Smells like you though."
"I miss you."
"I miss you too, Spence. The first day's the hardest, right?"