(13)
The Bennets and the Gardiners attended Sunday services in the morning and then went to Darcy House for tea. The purpose of the visit was to acquaint Elizabeth's mother and sisters with the house where she would live while in town. It was also an opportunity for Elizabeth to see the results of the changes she had made to her rooms, and allow her to request anything additional before the wedding.
There was a full dinner planned for Tuesday evening, which included the Earl and Countess Fitzwilliam, Viscount and Viscountess Milton, Colonel Fitzwilliam, the Bingleys, and the Hursts. Due to Bingley staying with his sisters and brother-in-law, Darcy did not think it would be acceptable to ignore Charles' family. He preferred to give his friend an opportunity to meet Jane Bennet again not under the watchful eyes of his sisters, but it could not be helped.
The carriage pulled to a stop in front of Darcy House, and Elizabeth glanced around to see her family's initial reactions. At first they were all too awestruck to speak, but soon the commentary began.
"You are going to live here?," asked Lydia quietly, as she stepped down from the carriage.
Kitty continued with, "If this is what his London townhouse looks like, just imagine Pemberley!"
"Oh, Lizzy! You are going to be so rich!" added Mrs. Bennet, while on her way up the front steps.
Elizabeth just smiled. They were more vocal than she had been, but they were speaking nearly the same thoughts she had had the first time she had been here. Mary was quiet, but she knew that her next youngest sister was excited to see the music room. She had found it difficult to fathom the indulgence of an entire room dedicated to musical pursuits.
When Morris let them in, it was Jane's turn to be impressed. "Oh Lizzy, it is just lovely," she breathed. "Not overly done, not too simple."
"I agree, Jane. I am grateful the Darcys have not decorated in heavy brocades and dark colors. The entire house is done in this style; light, lovely, but livable. You can see the quality in it all, but they do not need to show off their wealth. I cannot imagine changing a thing."
"Not change a thing?" scolded Mrs. Bennet. "Lizzy, you have to do something to make it your own!"
"Mama, I am not going to change something for the sake of change."
"Heavens child, and you with a nearly unlimited budget! Only you, Lizzy."
"I have updated the bedding, window and wall coverings in my rooms. I think that is enough for now."
Mrs. Bennet shook her head at her least-understood daughter as the were led to the drawing room. She was quickly distracted by the new room, however, and did not say any more.
The visit went better than Elizabeth had expected. Her mother and younger sisters were calmer than she had thought they would be. Mary spent time discussing music with Georgiana, and Kitty and Lydia interrupted to ask her about her dresses and how she trimmed her bonnets. When Mary scolded her sisters with quotes from her moral texts on proper comportment and manners of young ladies, they laughed it off while Georgiana watched their exchange with wide-eyed curiosity. Elizabeth knew she had been anticipating having all of the Bennet sisters together again with excitement.
Mrs. Bennet's curiosity about the decor kept up the conversation among the adults. She had many questions, which Darcy answered patiently. Elizabeth was proud of Darcy; his quietly pleasant demeanor throughout the afternoon seemed to help her family along. He invariably needed to speak of his departed parents, and even then he did not show unhappiness. Elizabeth hoped this meant that she too would eventually be able to think and speak of her father without the overwhelming sense of sadness that usually overtook her. When her mother squealed in delight over the ballroom on the tour, when Kitty and Lydia's giggling grew too loud, or they could hear Mary's scolding, she saw his hand clench and he might flinch slightly, but those were the only outward signs he showed of being overwhelmed. He seemed determined to be amiable.
As her family was preparing to leave, she maneuvered him to the side enough to be able to whisper a quiet, "You have been wonderful today, thank you."
He smiled sadly, "While I am glad you are pleased, I am sorry that you need to thank me for being polite. It should be expected."
"Nevertheless, I appreciate your effort," she replied softly, gently brushing her fingers along his arm as she returned to the group and gathered her things.
He took in a shaky breath and released it before he said his goodbyes to Elizabeth and her family. After the door closed he barely whispered, "Four more days."
"What was that, Fitzwilliam?" asked Georgiana.
"Ah, I was just thinking that it will only be four more days until we do not need to say goodbye to Elizabeth anymore," he replied uncomfortably. He had not meant to speak out loud.
Georgiana smiled, "I can hardly wait."
He smiled in return; he thought the same.
The young ladies were all gathered in the Gardiners' sitting room on Monday morning, with their mother upstairs yet and their aunt in the schoolroom, when they were surprised by a visitor. To their astonishment, James announced Mr. Bingley. When they all rose to curtsy, Elizabeth felt Jane tremble beside her. She looked over and saw that Jane's face was a little pale, but she was controlling her surprise, and any other emotion she might feel, quite well. Elizabeth thought about what her sister had said the week before, and immediately stepped forward to begin the conversation.
"Welcome Mr. Bingley! With the dinner tomorrow, we are surprised to see you today, but you are of course very welcome."
"Thank you, Miss Elizabeth," he replied to her, but threw a quick glance in Jane's direction. On Elizabeth's welcome his shoulders had relaxed some, but he was still clearly nervous. "I ah, wished to offer my congratulations on your impending marriage, and also my condolences to you all, on the passing of your father. I was very sorry to hear of your loss." He continued to look between Jane and Elizabeth as he explained himself.
"Thank you, sir, on both accounts," Elizabeth replied. They were all quiet for a moment before she spoke again, "How are your sisters and brother, sir?"
"Well enough," he replied. Then, looking specifically at Jane this time, he said, "I apologize for neglecting you this winter, Miss Bennet. My sisters forgot to mention the visits you shared until a few weeks ago. They seemed to think it would not be important for me to know that you were in town. I was completely unaware."
Jane's countenance paled even further at this, and Elizabeth began to worry for her, but she responded with a quiet, "Think nothing of it, sir. I do not imagine many gentlemen concern themselves with their sisters' friends' coming and goings."
Elizabeth could see Bingley's deflation clearly. His face and shoulders both drooped at Jane's response. She was frustrated for them. They had both appeared to be falling in love so well last fall, only to have all of this between them now. She prayed again that Bingley would show himself strong enough to persevere for her sister's sake.
She was at a loss to continue the conversation. It was incredibly awkward to have them all standing there watching what probably should have been private for the two of them.
Bingley had come to see what Jane thought of him, so as to know how to go about wooing her. He could not decide if her comment meant she assumed he viewed her as his sisters' friend, or she had cared for him but was now shielding her heart against the hurt he had caused. Either way he wanted to kick himself for leading her on and then abandoning her. His friend and sisters had interfered, but it had been his weakness that had done this to his Jane.
Mary was the one who finally spoke up, to the relief of them all, and ended the moment, "Will your sisters play tomorrow, Mr. Bingley? I am looking forward to a musical evening, with Miss Darcy, Mrs. Hurst, Miss Bingley, Lizzy and myself. I certainly hope they do."
Bingley looked grateful at being rescued, "Ah, I am sure they will. I have not asked them, but I know they enjoy performing, and they have mentioned that Darcy House has an excellent piano forte."
"I myself am looking forward to seeing them again," added Kitty, trying to be helpful, "they are always so well dressed. I wish to see the latest fashions of the season displayed with their elegance."
"I do not think it will be any fun," Lydia said with an annoyed look in Elizabeth's direction. "Lizzy tells me there will not be any dancing, planned or otherwise, which I think is very boring of her. I am sure if she asked Mr. Darcy, he would let us dance. There will even be a single Colonel there! I should love to dance with him."
"But we shall be cousins by marriage to him on Thursday," replied Kitty. "I am sure we will have plenty of opportunities to dance with him in the future."
"Not if Lizzy has anything to say about it," Lydia responded petulantly. "I say Lizzy, you are becoming just as stiff as Mr. Darcy."
That was enough to spur Elizabeth into the conversation. She had been grateful to her sisters for carrying it forward, but Lydia was dancing close to rudeness. She would have to thank Mary and Kitty later.
"Have you been to any performances recently, Mr. Bingley?" she asked, feeling desperate. She almost wished her aunt would come downstairs, if only so that the normal introductions and then her aunt could take over the conversation. So much for Jane's faith in her!
"Not as many as my sisters would wish," he replied, tearing his eyes away from Jane to answer. "They are always trying to tempt me into an evening out, but I find myself not enjoying the season as much as I used to."
Elizabeth understood what he was trying to subtly tell Jane, but she could not help but be frustrated with his unhelpful conversation. That he would simply help her with a topic that was more comfortable to all! She supposed a man in love was not expected to act with reason.
He must have felt that he had learned what he could from the visit though, as he excused himself.
"Ah, I imagine you have many things to do this morning, with the wedding in a few days and all. I wish you all a good day. Know that I truly look forward to seeing you all tomorrow. Good day, Miss Bennet." He paused to watch Jane carefully for a moment, and then continued, "Miss Elizabeth, Miss Mary, Miss Kitty, Miss Lydia - good day"
"Good day, Mr. Bingley," they chorused and curtsied.
He bowed, gave one last long look to Jane, and left.
Elizabeth and Jane gave a huge sigh of relief at the same time.
Elizabeth laughed, "That was possibly the most awkward conversation I have ever been a part of. Normally I enjoy Mr. Bingley's visits, but I am happy to see that one end."
"I am sorry," Jane whispered.
Elizabeth quickly turned to her, "Oh, no Jane! That was not your fault. How could you have known he was coming? You have done nothing wrong."
"I was right Lizzy, it is worse to know," she continued to speak quietly. "If you will excuse me, I believe I need to rest."
Jane left the room as gracefully as always, and Elizabeth's heart hurt for her again. She knew her sister needed a few minutes to herself, but did not intend to leave her alone for long.
She turned back to her younger sisters, "Thank you, Mary and Kitty. I do not know what I would have done if you had not spoken up."
"Do you think Jane will be well?" asked Kitty. "She looked awfully pale. I am worried for her."
"I do not know, Kitty. We shall do what we can to help her, though. I will go and check on her now, but can you help me tomorrow? I do not think we should let Mr. Bingley get her alone yet, I do not think she is ready."
"We all will," answered Mary. "She is the reason home has not been too uncomfortable these past few weeks. It is the least we can do to return the favor for the next week."
"Do you think she wants Mr. Bingley to speak to her at all?" asked Kitty. "She does not look to be comfortable with his mere presence."
"I think Jane still cares for Mr. Bingley, but I do not think her heart can handle another hurt right now. We shall see if she is willing to let him have another chance."
"Ha! He is rich and handsome," said Lydia. "She is a fool if she passes him up."
"Lydia! Please," scolded Elizabeth, "Jane has had her heart broken. Being handsome and rich are not the only reasons to marry a man!"
"Why not? Is that not why you are marrying boring Mr. Darcy? So you can be rich? I know you could not stand him in November," she said petulantly. "You have to admit, he is handsome, not as handsome as Wickham, though. He is too boring for me. Thank goodness he chose you, you can be boring together."
Elizabeth closed her eyes and sighed. She had to remind herself that Lydia was not quite sixteen, and this was her age speaking. She decided it was best to ignore the comments for now and instead excused herself to see to Jane.
She ascended the stairs and knocked on her and Jane's shared room door. At her sister's welcome, she entered. Jane was sitting on the bed, looking quietly out the window.
"What do you suppose his purpose was in coming today, Lizzy? I cannot bear to think of him as inconstant, but I am not a fool. Am I only interesting when I am convenient?"
Elizabeth moved to sit next to her sister. "Jane, I think he is still very much in love with you. He said that his sisters did not tell him of their visits with you until very recently. I do not think he knew that they had ended your friendship so rudely."
"It has been six months since he was in Hertfordshire, Lizzy. I realise there has been a season to attend, but Netherfield is not very far from town. If he was interested, would he not have made sure I knew it?" Jane turned to her sister, "I cannot see why he would visit today if he does not care for me, but it does not reconcile with his ignoring me for six months. It hurts to think that he has been capricious with my feelings, but I cannot deny that it appears he has."
Jane finished this with tears in her eyes, and Elizabeth pulled her into her arms and held her.
"Jane, I believe that Mr. Bingley is very much in love with you, and has been this entire time." When she felt her sister stiffen, she hurried on, "I did not tell you everything that Mr. Darcy and I quarreled about when he proposed the first time. At the time, I did not see the point in bringing up a topic that would just hurt you, and until today I was not sure of Mr. Bingley's continuing regard.
"Jane, Mr. Bingley was in love with you in November. His sisters and friend followed him to town with the design of keeping him here. I knew this because Colonel Fitzwilliam, Mr. Darcy's cousin, let it slip while we were in Kent, not knowing that you were my sister. He only knew that Mr. Darcy had removed Mr. Bingley from what he saw at the time as an unfortunate situation. When Mr. Darcy proposed the first time, I told him that I was very angry that he had ruined your happiness. I told him it was one of the reasons I would never accept him. He was surprised to hear that your heart was broken. He did explain in his letter that there is not anything wrong with you. He truly believed that you did not love his friend, and he was worried that you would marry him out of a sense of duty to the family. He did not wish to see his friend trapped in a loveless marriage."
She stopped and looked at Jane, to gauge her reaction, before saying, "Ironic, is it not, that he proposed to me a second time, knowing full well that I do not love him?"
"Did he say why he thought I was not in love with Mr. Bingley?"
Elizabeth sighed, this was where she was afraid of hurting Jane. "He watched you, and thought that you treated Mr. Bingley the same as everyone else. He denies hoping that you did not love his friend, but knowing now that he was trying to escape me, I do not think he was as impartial as he thought."
"But if I love his friend, he has no objection?"
"None." At least not anymore she thought.
Jane sat up, pulled her knees to her chest and was quietly thoughtful for a few minutes. "I am not sure if it is better to know that Mr. Bingley loved me and could be convinced to leave me behind. I do not think I was that circumspect in showing my regard. I do not wish to be known as a flirt! Besides, even if he still wishes to pursue me, it does not speak well of his constancy. What if something else trying happens? I do not think my heart can do this again."
"Mr. Darcy did say that it was very difficult to talk Mr. Bingley out of returning to Hertfordshire, and that he has not been himself since. Today we could see that ourselves. I think he very much regrets leaving you."
"Do you think I can trust in his constancy now?"
"I think he will need to prove it to you, but if he does, I think he could make you very happy."
Jane laid her head on Elizabeth's shoulder and whispered, "I know. I love him, but I am scared. My heart already hurts so much."
Elizabeth put her arms around her sister again. She did not wish to offer vain promises, but she could give comfort and support.
Tuesday morning was busy at the Gardiners' house. Between the final fitting of Elizabeth's wedding dress and preparations for the dinner at Darcy House, there was little time for anything else.
Mrs. Bennet was excited to see the modiste where Elizabeth would likely go for her entire wardrobe, but was disappointed by the lack of embellishment on her dress. They had to involve Mrs. Bonner's help to convince her that there was not time to change anything, but she finally relented.
Mrs. Bennet soon recovered from her disappointment however, when the time to dress for dinner came. She flitted from room to room, crying out advice.
"Quickly girls, we do not want to be late for dinner at Darcy House with an Earl and Countess!" she yelled at no one in particular.
She soon chased Anna, the Gardiners' housemaid, from the younger girls' room, saying, "Oh! Do not worry about them, girl, go to Lizzy and Jane! They must look their best! We do not want Mr. Darcy changing his mind, and Mr. Bingley will be there! You never know what might come of it!"
Mrs. Bennet followed Anna into Lizzy and Jane's room, where they were calmly helping each other, as they had done for years. She immediately demanded that Anna help Jane with her hair, "It just will not do for meeting Mr. Bingley! We might need to wear grey and black, but there's no reason for your hair to look as though it is in mourning!"
"Now Jane," she continued, "Mr. Bingley has been away from Hertfordshire for more than six months. We must show him what he has been missing. You are always beautiful, but tonight you must be radiant! Do not fawn over him, though. You want to seem aloof; you do not wish to look as though you have been pining for him all this time. But do not ignore him, either! You would not want him to think you have lost interest entirely!"
She left in the same whirlwind in which she had come, not staying to make sure Anna changed Jane's hair. The girls watched her go, and then looked at each other and laughed at the confusing advice Jane had just been given.
"Thank you, Anna," said Jane, "but you do not need to change my hair, I quite like what Lizzy has done with it."
At Anna's hesitation, Elizabeth added, "Do not worry about Mama, she will forget what she told you before we leave. She will not say anything bad about you to our Aunt Gardiner."
Anna murmured her thanks as she curtsied and left.
"I am not sure you could follow that advice, even if you wanted to."
"Mama means well, though, even if she did contradict herself. I know she is anxious for our futures, more so than she was before."
Soon Elizabeth and Jane could hear their mother encouraging their sisters to look their best. There was going to be a single colonel at the dinner, and she did not want to miss any opportunity for her girls!
"It is good to hear Mama being herself, is it not?" Elizabeth asked.
"It is. She has been so upset these past weeks at Longbourn. I think worrying about our marrying well helps her feel normal again."
"I have always wondered what she will do when she succeeds and has us all married off."
Jane smiled, "You are being a very dutiful daughter, Lizzy."
"Yes, and I am throwing the rest of you into the path of other rich men! Think what I am doing for your futures!"
Jane laughed, and then more seriously, she asked, "Are you happy to be marrying? Are you still worried about your future with Mr. Darcy, Lizzy?"
Elizabeth looked away thoughtfully as she replied, "I do not think that I am worried anymore. I do not think I will ever be violently in love with Mr. Darcy, I do not see that happening." She turned back to her sister, "But many married couples have been not much more than good friends, and I think we can be that. It is not what I had hoped for myself, but I am determined not to be sad or resentful because of it."
"How can you be so sure that you will never fall in love with him?"
"I cannot imagine myself in love with Mr. Darcy. While we begin to get along, and I know I need to try to seek out things to love about him, we are just too different. I am not entirely sure what it would feel like to be in love, though, and I do not know if I will ever find out."
Their mother burst back into the room, "Girls! Girls! It is time! We cannot be late! Why are you just sitting there? Let us go!"
Elizabeth rolled her eyes at Jane and they gathered themselves together to go. Jane noticed that her sister did not have a very good excuse for not falling in love with Mr. Darcy, and wondered if she was just stubbornly refusing to believe in the possibility.
A/N: I was going to have the dinner as part of this chapter, but it's taking me a lot longer to get the dialogue for it where I want it. I find Caroline Bingley's head hard to get into! I realized that I have this chapter almost as long as I've been lately, and decided to get something up this weekend. I think chapter 14 will be the last one before the wedding. I'M excited to get there!
Thank you for the reviews. The positive ones this week were extra helpful, since I had a bit of a downer week. They're so uplifting when I feel that way! :)