A/N: It was hit-and-miss on whether you liked Miss Bingley's little faux pas. It was hard for me to decide how to handle that - I wanted her to have her "satisfaction of having forced him [Mr. Darcy] to say what gave no one any pain but herself" moment. I know that she was careful with her public demeanor (hence why it worked for most of the night to keep her by titled ladies), but she had also very recently learned that all of her hopes were well and truly dashed. In the original, her hope hadn't been lost at that moment. I think that when she does find out in the original, she had more warning and more time to come to grips with it, therefore making her response more rational. She was still in the angry/upset phase here, and that made her a little more rash. Besides, I love stories where Miss Bingley has a little meltdown. She thought she was entitled to Mr. Darcy, for some bizarre reason of her own, and I like to watch her be put in her place. She thinks too highly of herself, and treats others poorly for it. Having to watch Mr. Darcy fall for and marry a woman she considers her inferior is a just comeuppance.
(15)
Elizabeth awoke to many of the same thoughts that had delayed her sleep the night before. She was still struggling to reconcile the conscientious man from last evening to the Mr. Darcy she thought she was wedding tomorrow. She did not think it was possible for him to alter himself so fully; to go from being completely uncaring of others' feelings to the consideration he had shown. No matter how she looked at it, the only conclusion she could reach was that she had judged him wrongly here as well. It was not particularly surprising that her judgement had been wrong; she had not been able to clearly see Darcy since the very night she had met him, at the Meryton Assembly. He had proven himself to have a much greater capacity for caring than she had allowed. He had a much greater capacity for many good things than she had allowed.
As she rose to ready herself for the day, Elizabeth thought back to her uncle's comments when she had first returned to London; that she might be marrying just the man for her. Was divine providence at work here? Were they a better fit than she had ever given them credit for? Mr. Darcy certainly seemed to think so. A man of his means and position could have had nearly any woman he wanted, yet he had gone through the excruciating pain of asking her a second time, a mere day after being rejected most cruelly. How many men would do that? How deep did his love go?
She thought over the ways he had shown his love for her. He was taking on her nearly penniless family, and that alone showed how much he wanted her in his life. He had clearly reflected on her criticisms from that night at the parsonage and was adjusting the way he interacted with others. She had not thought his pride capable of admitting fault, and by turn, she had not expected her remarks to inspire changes in him, but they had. She did not know many people who could see their own failings, let alone try to correct them. She was far from perfect in this aspect herself. Her belief in her own discernment, in hindsight, had been very mistaken. But after recognising this fault, she hoped she could follow his example and improve herself. She would certainly be more cautious about accepting things as truth, especially when they conveniently fit into her own opinions so well. She could see that she had been willfully blind. It was rather ironic that she had accused him of vanity, when she herself had been guilty of it.
For all that he had said about his good opinion being lost forever once gone, he was very forgiving of her.
Soon Jane began to stir and, wanting to have a conversation with her sister about plans for after the wedding, Elizabeth sat back down and waited for her to fully awaken.
They decided that Jane would stay in London after the wedding, but with the Gardiners, so as to not crowd the newlyweds in their first few weeks. No amount of convincing on Elizabeth's part could sway Jane to join her and Darcy before they left for Pemberley.
She broached the subject of Mr. Bingley possibly visiting Pemberley at the same time, and possibly alone, and Jane was amenable to the idea.
"I should not wish to tell you who you may invite to your new home, Lizzy. It will not burden me to have Mr. Bingley there. After all, I believe you expect Darcy House to be nothing compared to the size of Pemberley. We might barely see one another."
Elizabeth watched her sister for a moment.
"Jane, as much as Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy are old friends, I do not think he will be coming for either of us. Are you prepared for him to try and make you to fall in love with him again?"
"I do not…" Jane drifted off for a moment, "I do not think I would mind if he chose that."
She was quiet again, and then her eyes misted as she continued, "I wish to think of him as the wonderful man I met last autumn. I think I wish to trust him again, and I do not suppose I ever will if I do not give him a chance to prove himself. If he so wishes."
"I think he very much wishes, Jane."
"I am worried for my heart, though. What if he cannot be a constant man? What if he pursues me, I trust him again, but then he leaves again? I do not think I can do that all over," she finished on a whisper.
"I do not think he will leave you again, Jane. He looked heartbroken these past two days, when he saw how sad he had made you. I think he has realised he made a mistake and will not be making it again. Besides, I do not think Mr. Darcy would think so highly of him if he was the type of man who toyed with a lady's feelings on purpose."
They talked a little while longer, and then went down to breakfast.
The day passed pleasantly in the Gardiner household and Elizabeth relished this last bit of time with her family. Everything was ready for the morrow, so they were able to pass the day like any other.
That evening at dinner, there was a sadness for the empty place that would have been Mr. Bennet's. They had not spoken of their father that day, but all of them were thinking of him. Tomorrow would be the first of his daughters' weddings, and he would not be there to give Elizabeth, nor any of rest of them, away.
After dinner, Mrs. Bennet did not allow them long before she began shooing everyone off to bed, especially Elizabeth, so they would not be droopy-eyed and yawning at the church tomorrow.
Not long after they had prepared for bed, Jane and Elizabeth were visited by Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Gardiner. They asked Jane to help her sisters, which she found odd, until she realised that Elizabeth would be married tomorrow, and they were here to tell her what to expect. She gave Elizabeth a sympathetic glance and gratefully escaped.
Mrs. Gardiner calmly sat down on Jane's bed, across from Elizabeth, but Mrs. Bennet stood awkwardly by, uncomfortable with the conversation before it even began.
"Lizzy," started Mrs. Gardiner, "how aware are you of what is going to occur tomorrow night?"
"Oh, good heavens, sister," interrupted Mrs. Bennet, "of course she has no idea. I raised my girls to be better than that!"
"But she was raised on a farm," added Mrs. Gardiner, and again was interrupted quickly by Mrs. Bennet.
"That is not the same thing! Goodness, we are not animals!"
"I am not saying we are, but the...mechanics are not that different."
Mrs. Bennet looked horrified at this, glanced at Elizabeth and then back at Mrs. Gardiner, and stuttered in a whisper, "I never, I mean to say that it is not quite like that, but...what does my brother do to you?"
Elizabeth was too entertained by her mother's expression to be worried about what she might be imagining. Elizabeth looked back at her aunt, who had an exasperated expression on her face.
"Mrs. Bennet, really, that is not what I meant. I only want to know if she has witnessed animals breeding, as that would make this easier to explain."
Elizabeth decided to save her mother the humiliation and spoke up, "I have, Aunt."
"Good, now, you have seen that male and female animals are different?"
Elizabeth answered hesitantly, "I have."
"And I am sure you noticed your young male cousins are a little different when you have helped them dress and bathe?"
"Yes," she drew out slowly, a little confused.
"Well, gentlemen are made to fit with a lady, similarly to the way a bull fits with a cow. It will be different in the sense that the rest of us is not the same as a cow, but that part works about the same."
Elizabeth answered with a wide-eyed "Oh."
She had wondered if it was like the farm animals before, but had not believed it. To hear that it was disconcerted her some.
"How is it different?" she asked.
"That will be up to your husband to teach you. Just follow his lead, and he will show you what to do."
"But how will he know?"
"Good heavens, child, men are just taught these things," interrupted her mother briskly. "Make sure you do not ask him endless questions, it will irritate him, and you do not want that. If he wants you to undress completely, you do it! It is your job to follow his lead, but do not just lie there, either; they do not want that. And whatever you do, do not laugh at him! You will never provide him with an heir if he does not want to visit you."
"Undress?" Elizabeth asked faintly, "why would he want to do that?"
"Some men prefer it that way, my dear," her aunt said calmly.
"Oh," was Elizabeth's only response again.
Mrs. Gardiner waited a moment to allow Elizabeth to absorb what she had been told so far before she added, "Sometimes it hurts a little, the first time, for a woman. Hopefully your husband will be able to help ease that, but I do not want you to worry when it happens. Know, too, that you may bleed a small amount, but it is nothing to worry about. Usually this only happens the first time. For many women, the whole experience improves as you do it more."
Elizabeth was still thinking about the possibility of completely undressing in front of Mr. Darcy. She believed her aunt that it would not hurt too badly, and really, if it was anything like their cattle, she was not surprised that it would hurt. But to do it all...naked? She certainly hoped he was not the kind of man who wanted that. This sounded like such a private thing to be doing with a man she still felt she did not know very well. To be even undressed enough for him to access...that. To have him touching her in those places!
Her face must have been showing some of her concern, because her aunt interrupted her musings to ask if she was well.
"I think so. I just...the thought of allowing someone to touch me...down there. We were always taught to keep...that...to ourselves. It is strange to allow it now," she answered hesitantly.
"Well, we could not exactly have you sharing that with anyone else!" said her mother. "Those things are for your husband, and it is your duty to let him do what he wishes with you now. Until you are with child, you need to do what you can to encourage him, too. Providing his heir will raise you in his esteem, and the sooner you do it, the better off you will be."
Elizabeth looked at her mother, and realised for the first time that she might feel like a failure for never giving birth to a son. Did she see that as the reason for the strife in her and Mr. Bennet's marriage?
"Do you have any more questions, Lizzy?" asked her aunt.
Elizabeth shook her head in a negative. She did not want to think about what she had just been told, but it was probably inevitable. She did not know how she would sleep tonight, knowing what she would need to do tomorrow night!
"Good," said her mother. "Mr. Darcy does not seem like a violent man, so just remember what we have told you, and you will be fine. Good night, Lizzy."
Mrs. Bennet kissed her on the top of her head and left, grateful that conversation was over.
Mrs. Gardiner stood as well, but she paused for a moment, and then spoke, "Lizzy, Mr. Darcy loves you, that much is clear. I do not think you have anything to worry about, he will be gentle with you. Please just remember to trust him, it will be easier for you both that way. Now, are you sure you have no more questions? I know that was a lot to take in."
Elizabeth looked at her aunt, "I am sure I will be fine. You seem to think so, and I trust you. I cannot guarantee that I will not be anxious tomorrow, but I will try to keep myself calm."
"I expect nothing less from you." Mrs. Gardiner kissed her on the forehead and then said, "Sleep well tonight, Lizzy. You are embarking on your new life tomorrow, and you do not want to fall asleep for it on the first day."
She gave Elizabeth a gentle smile and then left her.
Jane came in a short while later to Elizabeth still sitting on her bed, absorbed in her thoughts.
"Lizzy, are you...well?"
Elizabeth laughed at that, "I am starting to think I should not be, with everyone asking me if I am. As I told our aunt and mother, I am sure I will be fine."
"So that was not too distressing? I mean, what you just learned?" Jane asked, looking a little anxious herself.
"I hardly know. I have been reassured several times that I will live through the experience tomorrow night, but I am not quite sure I understand what is going to happen."
"They did not tell you how it works?"
"Oh, they told me. Aunt Gardiner compared it to when cattle are breeding. It was...disturbing."
Jane looked horrified.
"Well, not exactly like cattle, since we are not the same shape. But, the...entering part, apparently."
This did not appear to alleviate Jane's horror.
"Well, I do not think it can be too awful, our mother and aunt have survived it!" Elizabeth hurried to add.
"That is true," Jane replied.
They spoke of other things after that; neither of them willing to continue with the awkwardness of that topic. They were both cherishing this, the last night they were ever likely to share a room. They spoke of missing their father, and their regret that he would not be at any of their weddings. They reminisced about many of their favorite memories, and spoke a little of the future. They had always been so confident about what they wanted in life, and now, when they were both on the precipice of change, they felt mostly lost and confused. While Elizabeth's future life was laid out for her now, she still did not think she knew what she was getting into. Jane was even more adrift.
They did blow out their candles and settled in to sleep before too long, for neither wanted to be overtired on the morrow. Neither fell asleep any too soon, though; both had too much on her mind.
Thursday dawned bright and cheerful, and the Gardiner household was quick to follow, though the cheerful part was less for some. Elizabeth had woken with the sun, and as engrossed in her thoughts this morning as she had been the night before. She began to understand the words "bridal jitters" and wondered if women who were in love felt so. She would not be surprised if they did, since it was more about the life change she was on the verge of making than anything else.
She did not have long to ruminate on these thoughts, however, as Mrs. Bennet came crying down the hall in her usual manner, hurrying them all along, though they had a few hours before they needed to be at the church.
Jane and Elizabeth mostly kept to their room, helping each other as they always had, taking their time to enjoy another of their lasts. It felt strange for Elizabeth to wear white today, after being in black for the past two months. While her sisters would be in black for another month, she was moving to half mourning colors after the wedding. It would be odd for her, as a newlywed, to continue in full black. She looked at Jane's dark grey gown, which had been ordered early, along with her other sisters', so that they could wear them for today. They would return to black tomorrow without her. It was another way for her to feel the difference of not coming home to her family today.
They were soon ready, and headed down to the sitting room to await the rest of the family. Mary, unsurprisingly, was already there. She was always the first to be ready, though whether due to her desire for promptness or her general lack of frippery making the process quicker, Elizabeth did not know. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner soon joined them, and they waited for the youngest two girls and Mrs. Bennet to end their noisy preparations and come down.
Noticing Elizabeth beginning to tense while they waited, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner kept the conversation on little things to distract her. It helped some, but it was perhaps more her knowing they cared enough to wish to cheer and that she needed it than anything.
In a sudden flurry of dresses and noise, the remaining Bennet women came down the stairs and they all gathered their outerwear and headed for the carriage.
In what seemed like a moment to Elizabeth, they had arrived at the church and were ushered into the vestibule. Her family stayed with her for only a few minutes while they checked their hair and dresses. Her uncle went to check in with the vicar and Mr. Darcy, to ensure that everything was ready, while her mother and younger sisters entered the church to find their seats. With another half hour to go before the beginning of the ceremony, she was grateful for her aunt and Jane's company.
Her aunt kept up a steady stream of talk, with some help from Jane, for the quarter hour they waited for her uncle to return. Elizabeth was again so very grateful for her aunt's ability to put one at ease.
"Well, Lizzy, are you still breathing back here?" asked her uncle as he returned to the vestibule. "Your young man is here, and appears to be fine. Though I hear his friend has been wearing a path in the carpet of the vicar's study for the past half hour. You would think Mr. Bingley was the one marrying today, rather than Mr. Darcy, he is so nervous."
They all looked to Jane, who blushed and said, "I will be fine. Today is about Lizzy and Mr. Darcy. I have no intention of creating a scene to distract from that."
"I do not think anyone is worried that you would, dear," said Mrs. Gardiner. "We are simply concerned about you standing up front with Mr. Bingley. I do not think any of us remembered that this morning. You think you will be comfortable, though?"
"I do. I have seen him twice now, and while the first time was difficult, I was able to hold my composure on Tuesday. He was very polite then as well, and I think he is too much of a gentleman to say or do anything that would distract from his friend's wedding."
Elizabeth laughed, "As long as he does not melt into a puddle from nervousness, apparently. It is ironic that the most anxious person here is not even getting married today. Then again, I am not sure Mr. Darcy can get nervous, he seems nigh unruffleable. Sometimes I wish he would be more expressive with his emotions, then I might have an idea of what he is thinking."
"You will learn to read him, Lizzy, the longer you live with him. You might be surprised how much he gives away when you really watch him," said Mrs. Gardiner with a smile.
Her aunt then left them to find her place, as there were only a few minutes left to nine o'clock. Uncle Gardiner gathered both of his nieces to him and kissed each on the cheek.
"It is a privilege to give you away today, Lizzy. It will be a privilege to give each of you girls away, but you two especially, are such wonderful young women. Your husbands will be blessed indeed, to have such wives. You do your father proud, you know. You do your aunt and me proud."
All three of them had tears in their eyes at his last sentences, and Lizzy gently scolded him for making her cry moments before they were to walk up the aisle.
"You are beautiful anyway, but I will stop now. We would not want your poor groom to think you are crying because you are walking toward him," he said with a bit of a grin.
They heard the musical cue for their entrance, and Jane reached over to give Elizabeth's hand one more squeeze before she walked around the doorway to enter the church. Mr. Gardiner laid his hand gently on top of Elizabeth's where it lay on his arm and gave her a warm smile. This caused her to smile in return, and that is how they entered.
The first glimpse Darcy had of Elizabeth was with that sweet smile on her face, but tears in her eyes. His first thought was that she was breathtakingly beautiful this morning, with her dark hair piled on top of her head, underneath the small lace veil covering it. The morning sun was shining through the windows, bathing her in a glowing light. Her smile was lovely, but when he looked in her eyes and saw tears, he became a little worried. He was not sure if they were a result of marrying him, if she was simply missing her father, or something else.
Elizabeth looked to the front of the church and saw Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley standing with the vicar, and Jane nearly there. She almost laughed when she realised everyone's eyes were on her except for Mr. Bingley's, who was watching Jane's procession up the aisle with rapt attention.
She finally allowed her eyes to look to her betrothed. She could not deny that he looked very handsome in his wedding suit. He appeared more perfectly pressed and with an even neater cravat knot than usual. When she looked to his eyes, she saw him watching her carefully. Not nervous, not excited, but perhaps a little concerned of how she was feeling today. The tears in her eyes were likely the cause of that. She allowed her smile to grow slightly, to let him know that she was not upset because of their wedding today, and saw him relax slightly.
Jane reached the front and stepped to the side, Mr. Bingley watching her the entire time. When Jane turned slightly to face the vicar, Elizabeth saw that her face was flushed a lovely pink. So she had noticed Mr. Bingley's intense stare. Elizabeth and her uncle reached the front, and she saw Mr. Darcy give a slight nod to the vicar to begin.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together…"
Darcy knew he should be listening, but he could not help but be distracted by Elizabeth. It was hard to believe that he was here, with her, and she no longer hated him. In less than an hour, she would be his to convince of his worthiness for the rest of their lives. He felt wild anticipation like none he had ever felt before.
"First, it was ordained for the procreation of children…," the vicar's voice intruded into his thoughts for a moment.
He certainly eagerly anticipated the making of children, but he also hoped they were blessed with many. His own mother had not been strong enough to bear many healthy babies. He did hope that Elizabeth had inherited her mother's child-bearing ability. Mrs. Bennet was still healthy, and had successfully delivered five children who made it to at least near-adulthood. He also hoped that Elizabeth did not object to many children.
For the first time he wondered if Elizabeth would be willing tonight. Would she reject him outright? Or even worse, would she allow him to take her, but resent him for it because she only did it out of a sense of duty? That would be agony! He did not think he could take her unwillingly. He nearly visibly shuddered at the thought. He loved her too much to do that to her. He would as soon wait for her to grow more comfortable with him than force her.
Why had he not thought of this before?
His thoughts were again interrupted by the vicar, asking for objection and the silent moment that followed. Thankfully his Aunt Catherine had not decided to show up and cause a commotion.
He drifted back to what might happen tonight. He needed to prepare himself for the possibility that Elizabeth would not truly want to share the night with him, so that he did not show disappointment in her choice. He did not want her to feel guilty for being unwilling.
He watched her face for a minute, and then sighed to himself; it was going to be trial to live with her and not take her to bed. Her eyes, her smile, her figure; everything attracted him to her. The thought of letting that beautiful, dark hair fall around her shoulders gave him a warm flush.
He was going to need to think of something else if he was not going to embarrass himself in front of their families!
She was keeping her eyes on the vicar's book, not looking at anyone. He had feeling she was not doing any better of a job of listening properly than he was.
He missed the beginning of the next part, and only caught that he should probably be listening when he heard the recital of what he was promising.
"...Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?"
"I will," was Darcy's firm response.
They went on to Elizabeth's vows, and with a quiet "I will," she promised to obey, serve, love, and honour him. To keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep only unto him, so long as they both lived.
Elizabeth was feeling the guilt of promising to love him when she did not. She could not meet his eye as she agreed to it. She did not like the feeling of lying in front of God, church, and family, even if plenty of women had done the same before her.
Soon Mr. Gardiner was handing her off to Darcy, officially giving her away. He pressed her hand before he let it go, to offer her strength.
Darcy was then reciting his vows, promising to love and cherish her until death with such a firmness of voice that she could feel his commitment. When it was her turn to speak her vows, she tripped a little over the word love in her promise to love, cherish, and obey. She found herself taking a steadying breath. It did no good to fret over it, it was done, and Darcy knew her feelings.
His hand released hers for a moment to present the ring to the vicar and then he turned back, took her left hand in his, and recited, "With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."
They turned and knelt together, and Elizabeth took a moment to glance at the ring she had just been given. The first thing she could tell was that this was an heirloom. Had he given her his mother or grandmother's ring? Secondly, it was a lovely delicate gold band, with three diamonds set low into it. Not overly large, but still, what a ring!
The vicar pulled their hands together, "Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder."
He spoke to their families now, but Elizabeth felt Darcy press her hand lightly, and she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He gave her a slight smile. They were married.
They finished the rest of the service in a blur, and soon they were presented to the church, "May I present Mr. and Mrs. Fitzwilliam Darcy."
When they turned around, Elizabeth noticed the Fitzwilliams' attendance and the lack of Bingley's family for the first time, and then they went around to the register, where she signed the name Bennet for the last time. They then moved to the vestibule, to allow their families to greet the newly married couple.
Mrs. Bennet came through with tears in her eyes, waving her handkerchief, and kissed and hugged her daughter before receiving a kiss on her cheek from her new son-in-law. Her giggle in response was a little silly, but neither Darcy nor Elizabeth wished to begrudge her happiness today. Each of her younger sisters followed, congratulating them; Mary with a strange solemnity that seemed out of place for the occasion, and Kitty and Lydia with more giggling.
The Earl and Countess came next, with his uncle firmly shaking Darcy's hand in congratulation, while Lady Fitzwilliam leaned in to hug her new niece and say quietly, "Welcome to the family, dear."
"Thank you, my lady."
"I think you may call me 'aunt' now, as your husband already does. I do not wish to be so formal with family."
Elizabeth smiled at this true welcome and replied, "Thank you, Aunt Fitzwilliam."
Viscount and Viscountess Milton followed in their congratulations, and then Colonel Fitzwilliam came through with Georgiana.
Georgiana hesitated for a moment, and then Elizabeth pulled her in for a hug.
"I am so glad you are my sister," was all the younger girl whispered.
Elizabeth pulled back with an enormous smile, and responded in kind, "I am glad, too."
She sent a meaningful glance in her eldest sister's direction, next to Mr. Bingley, and added, "It could be so much worse."
The Colonel laughed outright, and even Darcy broke into a smile at that. Georgiana looked a little startled, but was soon smiling. She moved on to hug her brother, and the Colonel offered Elizabeth his congratulations.
"Well, Mrs. Darcy, I am sorry to lose my chance at you, but I would not give you up to anyone less deserving."
Giving Darcy an impudent grin, he added, "And since we are family now, this is perfectly acceptable, Cousin."
With that announcement, he leaned in and dropped a kiss on her cheek. At first Elizabeth was startled, but then she looked at Darcy with laughter in her eyes. How often did his cousin seek out ways to get under Darcy's skin? She was not sure how he was going to react, but she found this rather funny, especially since he beat her new husband to it.
Darcy might have been irritated, but his only response was to dryly say, "You had your two days, Henry."
They all laughed except Georgiana, as the Colonel moved an again-scandalized girl on so that the Gardiners could have their turn.
Darcy had not let it show, he tried not to where his cousin was concerned, since it did no good, but he was annoyed. How did Fitzwilliam manage to drop a kiss on her cheek before he did? He had been so careful not to overwhelm her, but all that had resulted in was a very frustrated man. If his cousin ever did marry, he would probably have his future wife seduced before the wedding, and here was Darcy, yet to even kiss his.
The Gardiners gave their well-wishes, and then the whole party moved to their carriages. They were due to the Gardiners' for the wedding breakfast. Darcy was very grateful to his Aunt Fitzwilliam; she had not even blinked when he asked her if they would be comfortable on Gracechurch Street. He could have used the excuse that Darcy House had more room, but he did not wish to slight Elizabeth's family again, and did not know how to ensure that on his own. His views might be changing on how to judge a person's worth, but society's was not. Thankfully his aunt appeared to support him in this.
Darcy watched his sister go with their cousin toward the Fitzwilliam carriage before he turned with Elizabeth and headed to theirs. The thought of it being 'theirs' instead of 'his' brought a smile to his face.
"A penny for your thoughts, Mr. Darcy?"
"I simply realised that we are heading to our carriage, Mrs. Darcy."
Elizabeth looked toward it and simply said, "Oh."
She had found herself saying that rather often, as of late. Darcy led her to the carriage and handed her up, following closely behind. He chose to sit across from her, and she was not sure if looking directly at him was better than sitting next to him. Either way, it felt awkward to know that they were married now, but she felt as though nothing had truly changed. Other than they were not only allowed, but expected, to be alone.
"A penny for your thoughts now, Mrs. Darcy?"
Elizabeth laughed, "I was just thinking that I do not feel like anything has changed, and then I realised that we are purposefully alone and now I am 'Mrs. Darcy.' It is a lot to take in."
"You do not mind my calling you by your new name?" he asked hesitantly.
"Not really, that is to say, I must get used to it. It is who I am now."
He gave her a slightly relieved smile. She was certainly less combative than she had been two months ago.
"Do you think you will ever get used to not referring to me so formally?" he asked tentatively.
It was her turn to smile, "You do not intend to refer to me by 'Mrs. Darcy' always?"
"I do not. I was enjoying the sound, though. If you do not mind, I intend to continue calling you Elizabeth."
"I do not mind," she paused, and then added, "Fitzwilliam."
He did not think he was successful in controlling the ridiculous grin that spread across his face. He very much liked the sound of his given name on her lips.
Elizabeth could not help but smile in return. That her saying his name would make him so happy!
They soon arrived at Gracechurch Street. The wedding breakfast went as well as could be expected. Elizabeth's family had some moments that made her cringe, and the Fitzwilliams were not always perfect at hiding their distaste. Still, nothing particularly awkward happened.
When Darcy announced their departure, the Fitzwilliams went at the same time, taking Georgiana with them. She would be staying with her aunt and uncle for a few days, to give the newlyweds the house to themselves.
When Elizabeth said goodbye to her family, she felt the loss of her father keenly. By time she had hugged each of them, she was well into crying along with them. It was a somber departure for what should have been a happier day.
Darcy handed her into the carriage again, and again sat across from her. She found herself unable to stem her tears, though, and apologised for crying.
"You need not feel guilty for missing your father, Elizabeth. It has barely been two months, and no one would expect you to be through mourning for his loss yet."
"Thank you," she whispered, but his kindness only made her cry harder. She did not know why she was feeling so strongly, but there did not appear to be a way to stop it.
In a moment, Darcy crossed the carriage and sat next to her. He put his arm around her shoulders and gathered her to him. She let her head rest on his chest while she wept. His strong embrace offered such comfort, and she allowed herself to cry while he gently shushed her.
Darcy's heart ached for his new wife. It was not so long ago that he had lost his own father. Knowing how close she had been to Mr. Bennet, he felt he understood her pain. He was grateful that she allowed him to comfort her. He brought his other hand up to hold her head close to his chest, and allowed himself to kiss the top of it. He did not know if she noticed, but she did not object.
Darcy House was not very far, and they soon found themselves slowing in front of it. Elizabeth pulled away from him with a start and began wiping her face with her handkerchief.
"Goodness, I must look a wreck, and about to greet your staff for the first time as their mistress."
He pulled out his own handkerchief and offered it to her, "Our staff. I would not worry if I were you. Only a few are at the house for the next few days. I did not think you would want an audience while you adjusted to your new home, and I did not see the need for a complete staff with just the two of us. It is only Mrs. Rowley, Morris, Cook, a few maids, and a footman. I hope you do not mind."
Elizabeth laughed, "Only a few staff members? You just named the entire contingent of house staff at Longbourn. I am sure I can make do."
Darcy looked a little awkward at this, and she continued with a soft, "Thank you."
He relaxed, "I did not think you would wish for full introductions, either. Mrs. Rowley will probably know better than me the best order of meetings."
She smiled in response.
He opened the carriage door and led her out. They were soon inside the house and meeting the few servants who were there. Elizabeth remembered several of them from the times she had already been there, until they reached the maids.
"Nel!" she said in surprise.
Nel curtsied, "Mrs. Darcy, it is a pleasure to see you again."
"You as well," she responded while looking to Darcy.
"Nel came with us in April knowing that she would likely lose her position at Rosings. I promised her a trial position here as part of her compensation. I am afraid we have discovered we may have robbed Rosings of one of their best maids. Because of her quick understanding, Nel has been training to be your lady's maid. I hope you do not mind."
"Not at all," she replied. Even if she only remembered the girl a little, it was wonderful to have another familiar face with her. She also realised that it was one more person on the upper staff of the house who would understand her mourning without needing to be told. Hopefully her loyalty, when it came to normal household gossip, would more easily lie with her mistress too, since she was not part of the main staff first.
They finished the introductions, and then all but Mrs. Rowley returned to their duties.
"Is there anything we can do for you, Mrs. Darcy?"
It took Elizabeth a moment to remember that the staff of the house would look to her now. She looked to Darcy with a questioning expression. He gave his head a slight shake.
"I do not think so, Mrs. Rowley," she answered.
Darcy spoke up, "We will ring the bell if we do."
He looked to Elizabeth and asked, "Is six o'clock fine for dinner?"
At her affirmative, Mrs. Rowley thanked them and excused herself.
There was a moment of quiet before Darcy asked her, "Do you need to rest, Elizabeth?"
Her emotions were running too high to rest now, and she felt she needed a distraction. She shook her head no.
"Would you like to go to the music room or the library, then?"
"Would you give me a tour of the library? I hope that I will still have time to read, and I have no idea how to find anything as it stands."
He smiled, "I do not think your duties will be so overwhelming that you will need to give up reading. I am happy to show you the layout of the library."
He offered his arm, and she took it and allowed him to lead her to their destination. He gave her the tour, teaching her how to remember where to find what she was looking for, and then helped her select a few to start.
"Would you like to spend some of our afternoon reading now?" he asked tentatively. He had no idea how to spend their time together, now that he finally had her alone. Well, he knew how he wanted to spend their time, but he did not think that would be happening. His general goal was to increase her level of comfort with him, and books seemed a good way to start.
At her affirmative, he lead her to a sofa and then sat directly next to her. Close enough to brush when they moved, but not so close as to be continuously touching. He hoped it was the right balance.
To his relief, she did not shift away from him. She simply opened her book and began reading. He followed suit and attempted the same, but found himself instead thinking of that awful half hour he had spent alone with her in the Netherfield library last November. Again he was struggling to pay attention to his book, but this time she was next to him, radiating her warmth and, in name at least, being his. He so very badly wanted to make her his in every way! He needed to think of something else, before he lost his mind and attacked her from want.
He spent the next twenty minutes or so desperately trying to keep his mind engaged on the book in his hands and his breathing even. Eventually he gave up and decided speaking to her was safer.
"You once said you could not discuss books in a ballroom, but perhaps you can in a library?" he asked tentatively.
She smiled at his reference to their dance at Netherfield, and answered, "I do believe I can. What would you like to know?"
"Do you prefer prose or poetry?" he asked.
She was relieved that he had decided to speak, the silence had been too busy for her to read in, and she had not wanted to interrupt his reading the way Miss Bingley once had. With her answer they had a lively discussion on the merits of each, and their favorites in each. To Elizabeth's pleasant surprise, she never felt her ire rise as it had back at Netherfield. She was beginning to truly see where his arguments were coming from, and she could appreciate them.
To the surprise of each, their comfortable debate lasted until the call to dinner. They continued over the meal, pleasantly enjoying each other's company.
After dinner, Darcy asked Elizabeth if she would play for him. She agreed, and they went to the music room. When she asked if he had a particular request, she was surprised when he immediately pulled out the music she had played at Lucas Lodge so very many months ago. It looked new, and she looked at him questioningly. He blushed.
"I purchased it for Georgiana to play when I returned to London in November. I find this piece particularly enchanting."
It was Elizabeth's turn to blush, "I am not as proficient as your sister. I do not think I could do it justice after you have heard her play it."
"On the contrary. She plays beautifully, but she never seems to play this one quite right. I would very much like to hear you play it again."
Elizabeth felt surprisingly nervous, which was rare for her while playing. She took a deep breath, and began, though. She could see him sitting slightly to her right, with them in full view of each other. His eyes never left her, and he watched her with an intensity that was unnerving.
When she finished, he quietly said, "Perfection itself. Thank you."
"You are welcome," she replied, a little breathlessly. "Is there anything else you would like to hear?"
"Anything you would wish to play."
She searched through the music available, and finding a few more that were in her skill-level, she played for another hour. Darcy continued to watch her the entire time. When she finished the last from the waiting pile, he stood.
"Would you like to retire, Mrs. Darcy?" he asked.
She swallowed with difficulty but replied to the affirmative. She quickly put the music away, and then took his arm. He led her upstairs and to the sitting room they shared. He walked her to her bedroom, and took her just inside. Nel was waiting for her, next to her dressing room door.
"Is half an hour sufficient?" he asked.
Elizabeth struggled to swallow again, but responded faintly, "It is."
He kissed her hand and left her.
When Darcy reached his room, he took a few deep breaths before entering his dressing room. He had not meant to be so brisk with that departure, but a man could only take so much. He allowed his valet to help him ready for the night, but did not change completely. He then sat with a small glass of brandy, not so much that he would lose his control, but enough to sooth him for what he was about to face.
Soon the half hour had passed, and he returned to the sitting room, and then knocked on his wife's door. He stepped back and waited.
When Elizabeth opened the door and stepped tentatively through, he nearly lost his resolve. She was a vision. He took her in from her bare pink toes peeking out from under her nightgown, to the white nightgown above it that he was fairly certain he would be able to see through in daylight, to the plunging neckline at the top. He reached her face and saw her flushed cheeks and her hair. Her dark hair ended just above her elbows, and was tumbled gloriously in waves around her face.
Darcy took a deep, steadying breath, and looked in her eyes. They were nearly terrified. He sighed to himself and then stepped forward. He reached his hand out to brush it along those gorgeous tresses and rest it on her upper arm. He could feel her trembling beneath his hand. He was going to ask her, but he was fairly certain he knew her answer.
"You are very beautiful, Elizabeth," he started.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"Are you aware of what is supposed to happen tonight?"
"I have been told, yes."
"How do you feel about it?" he asked.
She looked confused for a moment, then replied, "I know what is expected of me, Sir."
He sighed to himself again. It was not good if she was reverting to formality.
"But how do you feel about it? I do not wish to force you, Elizabeth."
"I do not understand. I am your wife, and I know my duty. You need heirs. It does not matter how I feel about it."
"You do not want this, though."
"I will not reject you, if you are worried about that."
"I think I can see that, but all the same, I would rather wait until you are more...willing. It is not in my nature to take something simply because I am entitled to it. I want more for us, Elizabeth. I think that, with a little time, you will grow more comfortable with me, and I would prefer that."
Her eyes filled with tears and she whispered, "I am sorry."
She closed her eyes. She was already a disappointment. How long until he regretted her?
Through her own noisy thoughts she heard him say, "You have nothing to be sorry for. I want you to know that you are living up to my every dream of you. You are as beautiful as ever, and I do not want you to doubt that I want this, very much. At the same time, what I want in the moment is not more important than what is better for us. I think, when you become more comfortable, you will understand."
Elizabeth opened her eyes and searched his for a moment.
"You mean that."
"I do."
She let out a long, relieved breath, "You are a very good man."
He smiled ruefully, "You would not think so if you could read my thoughts. I will be doing everything I can to convince you that you do want this."
She blushed again, but smiled this time, "I cannot argue with that."
"Good, then you do not mind if I kiss you goodnight?"
Her mouth formed an "oh" again. She shook her head no, then yes, and then laughed lightly.
"I mean to say, I do not mind."
He smiled in return before placing his hands on either side of her neck and sliding them deep into her hair. He bent his face toward hers, watching her eyes until the last moment. He glanced at her lips and then pressed his firmly to them. He held them there for a few seconds, and then moved them gently against hers. She felt herself gasp in a breath, and when her mouth opened slightly, she felt what she thought might be his tongue run lightly along her lower lip. He then pulled his mouth from hers and looked into her eyes again.
He liked what he saw there.
Darcy slid his hands down both of her arms to her hands. In what seemed like a single movement, he had her right hand in his and gently set it on his left arm.
"Are you ready to retire, Mrs. Darcy?" he asked.
He watched her pull herself together for a moment before she nodded her head yes. He walked her to her bedroom door and opened it for her. He led her inside and then turned her to face him again.
"Goodnight, Mrs. Darcy," he said softly, and then leaned in to gently press his lips to hers again.
He pulled back to look over her flushed face one more time before he turned to go.
When he reached her door, he heard her say, "Goodnight, Fitzwilliam."
He flashed her a smile and then pulled the door shut behind him.
Elizabeth stood facing her door for a few minutes, trying to decipher what had just happened. She slowly turned and made her way to her bed, climbed inside, and blew out her bedside candle. She proceeded to stare at her ceiling in the darkness.
How could she have ever thought this man selfish and inconsiderate? And had he just promised to seduce her? Wearing just a pair of breeches and a shirt open at the neck like tonight, and she did not think it would take long. She thought he was handsome before! Was that dark hair she had seen at the vee of his neckline? She blushed all over again. She did not think she would sleep this night, but the exhaustion of these past weeks and the comfort coming from much of her anxiety melting away caused her to drop off almost immediately.
Darcy, on the other hand, returned to his room with a racing mind and heart. He did not know how he was going to take this slowly. Even hearing his name on her oh-so-soft lips was more than he could take, and he had had to escape. Having dismissed his valet earlier, he dressed himself for bed and climbed in. He laid there, most painfully, and stared at the ceiling, trying not to think of his incredibly beautiful and alluring wife a single, unlocked room away.
One thing was quite clear to him. Darcy was going to figure out how to seduce his wife.
Note: All wedding ceremony quotes are from the Church of England Common Book of Prayers
A/N: I put Elizabeth in white, not because the wedding dresses of the time were all necessarily so, but because white was both an acceptable mourning color and wedding color.
I was very indecisive over whether or not they would kiss at the wedding itself, and my reasoning for them not was as follows: It was not the norm of the day to do so, the vicar would not have said the "you may kiss the bride" line at all. Since it was basically up to the couple, I don't think ours would have for two reasons. First, Mr. Darcy is a private man, and I do not think he would be the type for public displays of affection, even if it was only family. Secondly, he would not be sure how Elizabeth would react. It would be awkward for him to try to ask her permission in front of the church, and if he didn't, he would worry that she would reject him. Even if she didn't reject him to save face, she might not have wanted it, and therefore he would have just forced himself on her. Not really his thing. Their private kiss felt more fitting for their situation as a couple.