So it's come to my attention that in the last chapter Lilly was... well to put it lightly, a cut throat bitch. Many of you were protesting on Scotty's behalf and in this chapter we'll see that he won't take her crap lying down, not anymore anyways. Lilly has mistakes to atone for, and someone will come along and slap some sense into her in this chapter, which a lot of us wanted to do. I promise though, the next one won't end quite so depressingly. (More chapters for you guys) Good, no?

Just as a side note, "Bug" was meant to be a term of endearment accidentally coined by Scotty and Lilly, in the place of a name because I haven't thought of one yet and I want to make it meaningful. Sorry if that wasn't clear and made it sound like Lilly was insulting the baby or something.

Chapter title by Kate Earl. You could say it's Scotty's thoughts at the moment though the lyrics don't really match.

Disclaimer: I briefly wondered what the response would be from you guys if I posted Lilly waking up from a dream and realizing the baby, Chris's death, and Scotty's fight with her had all been fake in lieu of this chapter. I actually had the first paragraph written before one of my cats hissed at me and I promptly started writing the real chapter. What was I saying again? Oh yeah... I don't own them.

Chapter 3: You Can't Treat Me That Way

The slamming of his front door startled Scotty with its apparent finality. One minute he'd been staring at Lilly, and the next she was leaving as though none of this mattered. He spun on the spot, finding the nearest open patch of wall and sunk his fist into it. The drywall crumbled beneath the force of his blows as Scotty took out his frustration. His breathing came in short gasps and before long he was simply too tired to keep going. He looked at the hole in his wall, right between the picture of his family and the signed napkin from that Sixers game all those years ago…

The frustration bled out of him as quickly as it came and Scotty let himself slide softly to the floor. He looked up, surveying the damage. That had never happened before, he realized. Sure, over the years his wall had suffered dents and scratches from Scotty's sudden urges to punch things out, but a gaping hole? Never. It almost matched the one in his heart.

Almost.

But not quite.

As much as he wanted to blame himself, which he always managed to find a way to do, this time, Scotty was certain. He'd done everything right. Every last fucking thing… and she'd still left. He'd showed up at her house, brought her to his and offered her help. That's it - help - no strings attached, no pressure, no expectations, and somehow she'd managed to turn it into him having some sort of ulterior motive. The words she'd screamed at him before walking out… just thinking of them made Scotty's heart wrench in pain.

Just because you were sleeping with her mom, doesn't make you daddy dearest.

Scotty's head dropped to his arms. It wasn't like that… it just wasn't. He loved kids, wanted kids, and just the sight of that baby made protective instincts rise up in him, but as Scotty's eyes trailed to the pile of kids' things lying, haphazardly abandoned, in the hallway, he knew… they were for Lilly. He wanted Lilly's baby. And of course, this wasn't the way he'd imagined it, but like it or not, the Bug was Lilly's and that's why his heart had screamed out at him to help in any way he could. Scotty stood up suddenly, the returning frustration giving him energy he hadn't had a second ago.

Why did he have to fall in love with such difficult women? Women he couldn't help, couldn't save, couldn't be with forever. He wandered listlessly toward his liquor cabinet, before thinking better of it. There was a baby in the house, and getting drunk off his ass, though tempting, was definitely not the best idea he'd had that night. If Lilly wasn't going to be responsible… he would.

You're the one who's not stopping me.

As another one of Lilly's insults, flung at him thoughtlessly as she all but teleported out of his apartment, added itself to his mind, Scotty stumbled forward slightly. She was right. He hadn't stopped her. He'd watched her walk out and stayed frozen in place.

Damn it.

What should he have done? Grabbed her and forced her to stay and face up to things? Lock her inside his apartment until she accepted his help? Scotty knew that those weren't options. Lilly had to want this herself. She had to… make a conscious effort, damn it. He couldn't always be the one trying, fighting, talking. There had to be some give and take. Lilly had to…

Scotty let his thoughts trail off. What did he want from her?

… she had to give a little too.

The selfish thought almost knocked Scotty off his feet. That was exactly it. He wanted Lilly to give a bit, to put herself on the line like he did, time and time again for her. He needed her to take a risk, even if it was just a small one. He needed her to stop treating him like crap, even though the idea of the two of them scared her. He needed reassurance, damn it, that the idea of him and Lilly wouldn't remain a pipe dream. He was just - so tired - of always being the one to try and take a step and being shut down.

Exhausted, Scotty sat down at his kitchen table and dropped his head on top of his folded arms.

Lilly all but ran out of the front doors of the apartment building, feeling the night air cool her burning cheeks. She breathed heavily, shoving her hands roughly into her pockets and stalking off in any direction. It was probably nearing midnight by now and the streets were empty except for her.

How dare he? Lilly seethed, quickening her pace. It started to rain, heavy droplets soaking into her clothes and hair. She didn't stop walking, needing the movement to help her think, help her decide, help her figure out exactly what crime she was assigning to Scotty, and what he'd done to make her so angry.

When she was walking so fast that there was a stitch in her side, Lilly slowed down, ordering her racing heart to stop pounding in her ears as well. Scotty… Lilly wanted to trust him, wanted with everything she had to be able to accept his kind gestures without a second thought, but every time he did something that went beyond partnerly, she couldn't help but pull away from him. She'd seen the frustration in his eyes tonight as he tried to figure out where it all went wrong, and for the life of her, she couldn't explain it.

Scotty was a great partner, the best one she ever had. Lilly felt her heart soften at the thought of all he'd done for her. Threatening doers on her behalf, going the extra mile and actually, physically, attacking them at times, putting up with all her crap over the years… they were just things that he did and he never asked for anything in return.

Still. She told herself firmly, He slept with your sister.

Lilly sighed, knowing that this was one starting to get old. Why couldn't she just let it go already? Chris and Scotty's indiscretions had happened five years ago. And yes, they'd stung like holy hell, for longer than she would admit, but hadn't they worked through that? Hadn't he apologized and meant it? Hadn't he proven himself to be worthy of her trust again?

"Lilly?" Suddenly, a familiar voice called out her name from behind her and Lilly spun around, her gun halfway out of his holster. "It's just me." Her boss said, holding his hands up innocently.

Lilly immediately lowered her gun, embarrassed. "Boss." She acknowledged quietly.

Stillman cocked his head sideways, studying her dismal appearance. All of a sudden, Lilly had the sensation of being under a microscope, with all that had happened in the last day being examined. She lowered her head. Boss didn't know anything yet. He and the rest of the team had been back in Philly, solving a pretty important case of their own while she and Scotty combed New York City.

"I've been calling you and Valens all day." He said sternly, "Your house is pitch black and I was just on my way to his place. My next stop was Missing Persons. Where the hell have you two been?"

Lilly fell into step next to her boss. "Christina was abducted; Scotty offered to help me track her down. There wasn't any time to call." She began to explain. She could practically feel the shock emanating from her boss.

"Well, is she okay?" His first question was expected, though no less difficult to answer. No, no she isn't.

"Actually," Lilly said quietly, "She's dead."

The lieutenant stopped walking and shot out an arm to stop Lilly as well. She was forced to turn toward him. "I'm so sorry Lilly."

She didn't meet his eyes. Lilly couldn't bear to see the concern etched into them, concern that would only translate into pity when she told him the rest. "Yeah, well, me too." She answered, pressing her lips together helplessly. "The baby's okay though. It's a girl." She turned around and started walking down the street, knowing her boss would catch up in a second, if not less, and sure enough…

"Chris had a baby?" He asked incredulously. "Is she with DCFS?" He was referring to the Department of Child and Family Service and Lilly almost laughed. Maybe the Bug would be better off there.

Lilly corrected him anyways. "No, she's with Scotty." She wasn't sure what it was about her boss that made her want to be completely honest. Maybe the way he looked out for her when he didn't have to. Or the way he was looking at her now, almost fatherly.

In a second, John Stillman understood why Lilly was walking down the street in the middle of the night. The sight of a baby had brought back years of pain and problems for her, and Valens, who always wanted to play the hero, had seen this as an opportunity to swoop in and help. Rush had taken issue with that, they'd gotten into a fight, and she'd walked out. The sad part was that both of them cared about the other more than what could be expressed in words. Whether they realized tonight what the rest of the squad had known all along, that they were in love, remained a mystery, but the Lieutenant knew, that would only makes things more difficult between them right now.

"Then what are you doing out here?" He asked her quietly. Maybe he couldn't fix their problems, but he could nudge her in the right direction, go to bat for Scotty, who was so in love it was ridiculous.

Lilly sighed. "It was Scotty…" She began. "He just, bought all this baby stuff and kept going on about 'us' and 'we', and I…" She trailed off helplessly, knowing her boss would fill in the blanks himself. There was the reason the man was the Lieutenant after all.

"You felt smothered." He finished for her. "And you got scared."

Even though she knew it was true, Lilly protested right away. "I wasn't scared." She said scathingly. She didn't get scared, she was a murder cop, toed the line with the worst scum of society; put her life in danger on a daily basis. She didn't get scared.

John put a hand on her shoulder, preventing her from continue to walk. "It's alright that you're in love with him."

Lilly met his gaze furiously and he held up a hand to stop the barrage of excuses and denials that were no doubt prepared to roll off of her tongue. "Save it, Lilly. There's a reason I'm the boss." He said tiredly. He really wasn't in the mood to fight her. He'd say what he could, and then the rest was up to them.

She bit back the sarcastic retort she had prepared. Maybe, she thought, she should tell the truth. Maybe it would do her some good. John Stillman was someone she trusted with her life, ever since she was barely 10 years old. She owed him the truth. Besides, if she didn't say something now, she probably never would, to anyone else. "Okay." She acquiesced. "You're right, I have feelings for Scotty, feelings I definitely shouldn't be having. But you don't have to worry." She added with conviction. "I won't let this get in the way of doing our jobs."

Stillman shook his head. "That's not what I meant Lilly." How do you explain to someone like Lilly that there was more to life than Homicide? Would she believe it, when it was coming from someone who had lost his marriage to the job? It didn't matter, he had to try. "You aren't always gonna be a murder cop, but you're always gonna love him. And you have to decide what matters to you more."

Lilly's head snapped up. "Are you saying…?" She let her unspoken question hang between them. Was her boss encouraging her to have an affair with her partner? That couldn't be possible, could it? Maybe she was hallucinating. The rain was definitely coming down pretty hard now. Maybe her company was just a product of her imagination.

"I'm saying." Stillman answered calmly, "That you have the same choice I did all those years ago, and I chose wrong. Don't choose wrong, Lil." He gave her shoulder another reassuring squeeze before bidding her goodnight. He'd done his best, and he trusted Lilly to figure the rest out by herself.

Lilly stood rooted to a spot. A choice. She had a choice to make. And though her Lieutenant hadn't come right out and said it, the choice was basically this: either pull yourself up by the bootstraps, get your act together, and maybe have a chance at being a mother and having the man you love, or give all that up in favor of security.

Security didn't come without a price though, and that price was loneliness.

She loved Scotty. She knew that now, without a shadow of a doubt. And in the last few hours, she'd even grown to love the Bug. They wouldn't have it easy, that's for sure. Assuming Scotty still wanted to help her after all of this, after the cruel things she'd said. But it would be better than being alone, Lilly realized suddenly. All her life she'd chosen to be alone, because it felt safer, but with Scotty… maybe alone wasn't the right choice this time.

Either way, she was going back to his apartment.

A half hour later, Lilly had managed to find herself back in front of his door. She was soaked to the skin with rainwater, and her hair had fallen out of its ponytail and was clinging to her face. She thought maybe she should come back in the morning, when she looked a bit less like a vagrant off the street, but she shrugged the idea off. Scotty wouldn't care what she looked like. Before she could talk herself out of it, Lilly raised a hand and rapped on the door a few times.

She heard the scraping of a chair on the floor, followed by shuffling footsteps and then silence. She assumed Scotty was looking through the peep hole, probably wondering if it was really her. Briefly, she considered raising a hand and waving, but she didn't. She just didn't have the strength left. Lilly hoped he'd at least open the door and give her a chance.

She was right of course. Scotty was on the other side of the door, his face pressed up to the small viewing hole. At the mere sight of Lilly, righteous anger filled his soul. So now she was coming back? After the things he'd done for her over the years, and the hurtful things she'd said in return? He yanked open the door angrily, his eyes dark with fury. "What the hell do you want?"

His lethal voice startled her, although, Lilly thought bitterly, it wasn't like she deserved anything better. She shrugged helplessly, looking down on the floor.

Scotty shook his head disbelievingly. "Well maybe come back when you got that figured out." He made a move to shut the door, but Lilly flung out a hand to stop him.

"Wait." She breathed. "Scotty, please…" She searched her mind for the words that would make things better between them, that would sooth the hurt she saw below the angry front he'd put on.

For his part, Scotty was seeing red. He could hear blood pounding in his ears and he wanted nothing more in that moment than to throttle the woman standing, dripping wet, in front of him. He pressed harder on the door and Lilly wedged her body between the doorframe to keep it from closing.

"Just… Go to hell, Rush." The use her last name wrapped a blanket of cold around her heart and Lilly hated herself for singlehandedly putting that venom in his words and his voice.

"Don't, please…" She begged quietly. Lilly willed him to meet her eyes. Instead he seemed to be looking over her right shoulder.

Scotty didn't let himself look at her, because if he did, then the hurt on her face would make him draw her into his arms. And she would cling to him for dear life for a while, giving him hope and allowing him to feel love, and when she felt better… she would walk out on him again, leaving only cruel words and a taste of happiness in her wake. Scotty knew that he deserved more from her than that.

"Get out." He demanded. She had to move out from between the door and the door frame. That way he could close the door on all these feelings and the innate urge to protect. Lilly didn't need protecting, that much she'd made perfectly clear; he was the one who needed protecting from her, and all her self-destructive tendencies that missed their mark and ended up destroying him more often than not.

Lilly stepped back so that she was once again in the hallway. Before she could plead with him to just fucking listen to her, he slammed the door. Lilly closed her eyes and leaned forward, her body finding the cold wood of his door. She wondered if he was doing the same on the other side, if there really was only a two inch thick door between them.

It felt like so much more.

Everything she'd never known she wanted lay beyond that door. A man she loved, a baby she wanted to raise with that man… and she had no clue how to get to them. Suddenly, she was unable to remain standing and she sat down on the floor, shivering a bit in her wet clothes. When she hit the floor, the weight of the damage she'd done that night washed over her. She'd known that she'd hurt him, but that much?

Lilly felt one tear creep down her cheek, and then another, and another, and pretty soon there were too many to count. They landed in her lap, mixing in with the rain and soon, she was sobbing openly for the first time in years.

Scotty's pissed, and rightfully so. Just think of the last chapter, and hopefully you won't feel too bad for Lilly. But all will, again hopefully, be solved in the next chapter, when they have THE TALK, and then we'll see where the story goes from there.

Just one more thing. At the end of this chapter, Scotty was in a pretty dark mood, and I wanted to convey that anger properly (since I figure he can't always be the one apologizing) and I'm sorry if I made it seem like he was going to hit her or something. I would never ever write something like that because I think it would ruin his character and neither of them would ever recover from it.

Yeah, and review, please :) Real life is about to intrude, but I'll try and update soon.