This is it you guys! I figure I dragged the angst and other ridiculousness on for way too long. This chapter is a bit odd, but give it a chance. It ends completely differently from the beginning. I hope you'll find that Lilly fully redeems herself. By the way, tonight is the night before my wedding day, but I've had this written for a couple days and I couldn't not post it, y'know? Chapter title by Celine Dion.

Disclaimer: I feel like this is an important chapter and I should say something sensationally meaningful. It is really hard to make a disclaimer sensationally meaningful though, so I'll just stick with 'I, sadly, own nothing'.

This chapter, and specifically the happy ending that goes with it, is dedicated to my wonderful husband-to-be, Luke. I love you, baby, and thanks for putting up with all my crazy.

Chapter 4: No Living Without Loving You

As the grasp of sleep slowly relinquished its hold on Scotty, he wondered when his bed had grown so lumpy and uncomfortable. He sure as hell couldn't remember the last time he had a headache this bad, and aching muscles to match. Groaning, he rolled around, but instead of the cold sheets he usually met in the morning, or if he was unlucky, the unknown person he'd have to make awkward morning-after talk with, he was sudden falling. Scotty hit the floor a second later with a hard thump that jolted his eyes open.

He stared at the underside of his coffee table in confusion. When had he moved his bed into the living room? And for the love of God, when had it gotten 2 sizes smaller? Scotty pushed himself into a sitting position, all of a sudden seeing a whole pile of baby equipment. He frowned. Which of his sisters had had a baby? For a second there was panic. Exactly what kind of little brother forgot which sister had given him a new niece or…. Oh.

Oh, right.

And then everything that his sleep deprived, semi-delusional, pain clouded mind had blocked out in the early hours of the morning returned with a vengeance.

It was Lilly who'd brought a baby into his house. Lilly's baby who currently occupied his bed. Lilly who he'd fallen in love with. Lilly who had shattered his heart into a million, irretrievable, little pieces.

In a moment of almost fatherly concern, Scotty tip toed into his large bedroom. The baby, the Bug, as they'd informally named her, was sleeping soundly, and Scotty sent up a silent thank you to the heavens for granting him that small comfort. Babies slept what, 20 hours a day?

What was he going to do now? Boss was probably waiting for them at work, having not heard from them for almost two days now. Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if there was an APB out on them by now. But… he couldn't leave an infant in his house could he? And he couldn't be expected to raise his partner's, because that's all she was interested in, Scotty told himself firmly, a partnership… he couldn't be expected to raise her baby or something, right?

Children's Protective Services. Scotty's mind settled on the incompetent government department responsible for kids who had no place else to go. Foster care. That was the right decision, wasn't it? Scotty just didn't know. How the hell had he gotten himself caught up in this mess? Briefly, he imagined introducing the kid to other people. This is my partner from work's dead sister's child. Oh, and by the way I was sleeping with the sister, which apparently is an unforgiveable sin. Her name is Bug. And yours? Scotty almost laughed out loud at the ridiculousness, but the beginnings of a chuckle quickly turned into a grimace of pain. This wasn't funny. Not even close.

Scotty made his way to the front door then, thinking he'd pick up his mail and maybe fall back into some semblance of a normal life, assuming of course, that he was still capable of such a thing. He placed his hand on the doorknob, turning it softly and edging the door open, completely unaware of the surprise waiting for him on the other side.

Lilly.

Immediately upon opening the door, the first thing he saw was the very woman he couldn't get out of his mind, there, in the flesh, sprawled on his doorstep. Lilly awoke with the start as the surface she'd been sleeping on gave way. For a moment, she was prepared to yell at whoever had made her bed disappear, but the words died on her lips as she remembered. She was sleeping on Scotty's door. Scotty, who she happened to love, who had broken her heart last night, who was looking at her with an expression of residual anger and pain.

Quickly, she got to her feet, shaking the vestiges of sleep with some difficulty. By the time she stood facing him, Scotty hadn't said anything. Maybe he still hated her. Maybe he was just too damn shocked. Maybe it was time for her to get the hell out of there.

"Sorry…" Lilly mumbled quietly, not having the strength to meet his eyes. "I'll just… " She turned around without another word, and hurried toward the elevator, feeling her cheeks pink with complete mortification…

Scotty was still rooted firmly in his spot, watching Lilly stumble in her haste to get away from him. When had she gotten so small and sad looking? He wondered. Because the woman he saw now was barely a shadow of the strong, imposing detective he knew. Probably last night, after you told her to go to hell, you bastard. His conscience interjected cruelly.

She deserved it. The other, still wounded, part of him, probably his heart, said defensively. After what you've done for her, she's still walking away.

Scotty silenced the contradicting voices in his head, finding them to be no more helpful than the lack of sleep and coffee. Instead another voice added itself to his mind. This one softer, much less aggressive and angry, but ten times as piercing. Lilly's voice.

You're the one who's not stopping me.

He'd let her walk away once. He'd let her stomp all over his heart and walk away without an apology, or an explanation. Hell if that was going to happen again. Jumping into action, Scotty chased her out the door, stumbling slightly in his bare feet.

"Lil… wait…" He called desperately. She paused at the sound of his voice, for just long enough that it allowed him to catch up and grab her gently by the arm. He searched his brain for the right words, and upon deciding that there weren't any, he spewed the first logical thing that would come out of his mouth. "At least come in and get into some dry clothes." He said. "You'll freeze to death."

Until he'd said that, Lilly had almost forgotten that it'd been raining that night, that she'd gotten wet, that she hadn't changed, that she'd slept right outside his apartment. "Okay," She agreed. And she let Scotty lead her back toward his apartment.

Scotty tried not to think about Lilly changing in his bathroom. There was no point. It would just end in pain. And like it or not, he couldn't stand any more of that. But… he couldn't deny that having Lilly Rush naked, within 20 feet of him, was simply intoxicating. No. He forced the thought out of his mind one last time. He loved her, no doubt about it. He wanted her more than anything. But, that was just the thing, he wanted her. Lilly. Not the angry Ice Queen capable of chewing up his soul and spitting it back out that he saw all too often.

She pushed open the door to the bathroom, biting on her lower lip as she did so. Would Scotty be out there? Or was he completely finished with her, and he just felt bad that she'd been soaking wet with red puffy eyes? She hoped he was still there.

But she wasn't prepared for the emotion that would hit when she saw him.

Scotty's mouth almost fell open at the sight of her, wearing a pair of his joggers that sat so low on her hips it must have been illegal, and an oversized t-shirt that she'd tied up, showing about an inch of her midsection. God, she was beautiful.

Shut up. Scotty ordered himself. She doesn't want anything to do with your ass anymore.

Lilly faltered at the guarded look on his face, one that she had a habit of wearing after she'd been burned as well. "I'll just get the Bug and leave." She muttered, starting to turn away. At Scotty's sigh of disappointment, she stopped.

"So that's it, huh?" Scotty spat bitterly. Slowly, he saw Lilly turn around to face him, obviously expecting the words that had come bursting out of his mouth. Can't you just keep your mouth shut?

Lilly's eyes traveled to the pile of blankets on his couch, to the light in his kitchen… anywhere but his eyes… to the big gaping hole in the wall. Lilly frowned. The fist shaped hole, at shoulder height. She looked at his hand, bruised knuckles and torn skin to match. "Your hand." She gasped. "I-I did that. I hurt you."

Scotty gave a start of surprise. He hadn't even noticed the damage to his hand until she'd mentioned it, but since she had… yeah, he supposed she was the one who did that. She reached for his hand, but he yanked it away as though she'd burn him.

"It ain't that bad." He lied. "It's okay."

"No." Lilly said breathlessly. "I hurt you. And it isn't okay. It's not okay." Her eyes widened and Scotty knew they weren't talking about his hand anymore. "I'm sorry."

And just like that the floodgates opened.

All of the guilt she'd been feeling spilled out of her mouth in a torrent of apologies. "God, Scotty. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I… You're good. You're amazing, and I'm so so sorry." Tears were appearing in her eyes and she leaned on the counter for support. "I'm sorry."

Unable to stop himself any longer, Scotty quickly crossed to her side of the kitchen and wrapped his arms around her. She leant willingly into his embrace. "I'm sorry." She whispered again and again. "I didn't mean to hurt you, never. I'm sorry. Sorry."

Scotty waited until her frantic words quieted before speaking. "You know… that I love you, right Lil?" He didn't need to say it. Scotty had known for a long time, and even for Lilly, somewhere deep down she'd know it was true all along. She just nodded. "I've been in love with you, since forever." He added.

He pried her out of his embrace and held her at arm's length. "Scotty…" She began. "I know I messed up. And I said a lot of stupid, hurtful things. Trust me, I know. But, I… love you. I love you, too. And I love the Bug. And I dunno, maybe I was hoping, we could try this out?"

Somewhere along the way, the optimistic courage in her words had dwindled as he'd stepped away from her and walked to the other side of the room again. Damn it. That was exactly what he wanted. And if she'd said so years ago, months ago, or hell, even a few days ago, it would've made him the happiest man alive. But he'd seen how bad it could get with her. Just like with Elisa. And Scotty Valens, despite the tough front he wore, was not willing to go through that again.

"We can't, Lil." He said regretfully. He couldn't believe it. He'd always thought he'd be the one to talk her into this, to them. He never imagined he'd be the one to balk. But he found that he had things to say to her, and his heart mattered too. Maybe it was that thought that made him start to talk.

"I never know with you Lil. I love you, but some days you're Lilly and some days you aren't. I never know if I'm gonna be allowed to be close to you. I know what that roller coaster's like, Lil. I practically lived on it all my life and I'm not gettin' back on 'cause I know where it ends, and it ain't pretty." His words spilled out in a frustrated rant, all the things he'd held back over the years.

"Scotty…" She began gently, taking a step toward him.

But he wasn't done, and he figured it was her turn to listen, so he pressed on. "You. You're always gonna have one foot out the door. An' around you I'm afraid the littlest thing'll send you runnin' for the hills. It's like bein' frozen, and bein' too terrified to push the envelope. I just, can't be the only one who's tryin' all the time, Lil. 'Cause if I have to fight you, then we ain't ever gonna make it anywhere."

"Can't you see I'm trying?" She burst out. "Why do you think I even came back yesterday? Or let alone spent the entire damn night on your doorstep. Why do you think I'm still in this room arguing with you? I love you." She pleaded. "And I'm trying…"

Scotty ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I need more than tryin'." He said simply. "I would do anythin' for you. I would run into a burning building, throw myself in front of a bus, for you. I'm in. For you. Or out. But it's either one because I can't be in between like you are."

In an instant, Lilly understood. Underneath their separate shells, she and Scotty were the same, equally afraid of being abandoned by the ones they loved. All her life, Lilly had pushed people away because she wasn't secure in their love. Perfectly nice men like Joseph and Kite who hadn't understood that she didn't mean she wanted them to leave when she froze them out, that she just wanted them to prove to her they were in this. That they'd fight for her. That's what Scotty wanted. He didn't want her gone, he wanted her there, but he wanted to be sure she was completely, wholly, there. She smiled. That she could do. She would fight for him.

"Fine." She said in defeat, throwing her hands up. "You wanna know exactly, how in this, I am? You wanna see that, not only is my foot not out the door, but that damn door is so far away I can't even see it anymore?"

She turned around and stalked to his couch, fumbling in her wet clothes to find the one thing she was looking for, while Scotty looked on curiously. He had no idea what she was doing, but she seemed to have located the object because she turned around triumphantly and tossed it at him. Instinctively, he caught it in his good hand.

Her keys.

"What the hell?" Scotty began.

"Move in with me." Lilly interrupted with a slight laugh. She looked at the expression on Scotty's face, one of disbelief, surprise, and luckily, a glimmer of hope. "Move in with me today." She corrected.

"Don't even…" Scotty protested weakly. "That, ain't funny Lil. It's crazy."

"What's crazy about it ?" She asked. "You said you've been in love with me since forever. And I know I've been in love with you at least that long. So, the way I see it, we've got a lot of time to make up for. Just me, you, and the Bug, Scotty." She narrowed her eyes challengingly, "What's the matter, you scared Valens? Now that I'm pushin' the envelope?"

Scotty felt a smile cross his face for the first time in what felt like a century. "You serious?" He asked. He took a tentative step toward her, barely daring to hope, but wanting fervently to do so anyway. He gripped her keys in his hand as though they were his lifeline.

"I love you." She replied confidently. "And I choose you." She took another step, the space between them quickly dwindling.

"Lil." Scotty protested again. "This… we ain't… We haven't even been out on a date yet." The rational side of his mind reasoned. But he couldn't stop himself from taking another small step toward her.

"So?" Lilly asked.

He searched for another excuse, something that would quash this, this wonderfully amazing possibility before his heart could get too attached. "I haven't even kissed you before." He found himself saying.

"So kiss me now."

There was only one step left between them, and Scotty and Lilly seemed to take it at the same time. Maybe he met her halfway, or she met him halfway, but none of it really mattered because then their lips were touching and Oh God… nothing really mattered… Her arms snaked their way up his chest, while he wrapped his own around her waist, the pain in his hand forgotten.

He didn't pull away until stars were starting to appear in his vision from the lack of oxygen. He rested his forehead against hers, frowning. "How do I know, you ain't doin' this to prove a point, or, or win an argument, or somethin'?"

Lilly smiled and took his face between her hands. "You know because I love you. I love you." She repeated in amazement, and then she made a sound that was halfway between a sob and a laugh. Scotty had never heard a more beautiful sound. "You're everything I never knew I wanted and I can't be without you anymore."

He nodded, finally believing her. After all that had happened this morning, all the risks they'd taken, all the words they'd finally let spill out of their hearts. It was seeing her, so open and honest, that made him believe her. She was his. And he was hers. He nodded again, more vigorously this time and she smiled.

"I am doing this to win an argument though." She said teasingly. And then she leaned up and kissed him again, pulling away far too early. Lilly laughed at the disappointed look on his face.

"What argument is that?" He asked reluctantly, not having kissed her long enough, and aching to feel her lips on his again.

"That you can't get enough of me." Lilly replied.

"Oh, ain't no argument in there, Lil."

:D

So what did you think? Different from the usual 'she's messed up but he wants her anyways' no? I thought it'd be nice for Lilly to have to prove herself, and not the other way around. I have another chapter planned, mostly about the baby and the beginnings of some sort of learning process, but I, as with Scotty/Lilly, need a little break.

Please drop me a review and lemme know how I did.