(19)

Bingley brought Caroline to visit Jane and Mrs. Gardiner on Wednesday as promised. Caroline did not waste any time; she had thought through what she should be apologising for thoroughly and knew it was best to simply get to the point.

"Miss Bennet, Mrs. Gardiner," she said as soon as they were all seated, "I would like to apologise for my treatment of you and your family, especially Mrs. Darcy, over the past few months. I was not as kind as I ought to have been, and I am sorry. I hope that you will forgive me, as I genuinely wish to continue our friendship."

Jane was surprised by how straightforward Caroline acted, looking her right in the eyes while she spoke, and that she included Elizabeth in her apology immediately. She would not have been surprised by a false apology, or some kind of excuse, but Caroline appeared to be completely genuine. She looked to see how her aunt was receiving this information, and saw that she appeared surprised as well.

"Thank you, Miss Bingley," Jane finally replied, truly thankful that they could heal this breach. She did not like to be out of sorts with anyone. "I accept your apology, and I too would like continue our friendship."

Miss Bingley relaxed her posture nearly imperceptibly, but Jane caught it nonetheless. She glanced to Bingley to see what he thought of his sister; he was beaming at her with a pleased look. He turned to Jane, and his expression turned hopeful. She felt her heart warm. She had always found his desire to see those he cared about happy appealing. Like herself, he could be taken advantage of for it, but she would not wish him to change. She smiled at him in her pleasure.

Caroline watched her brother's look turn to one of delight at Jane's pleased smile, and nearly rolled her own eyes. Really, the two of them were perfect for one another, even if it did make her feel a little ill. If they did end up married, they would probably make moon-eyes at one another all of the time. She was going to have to move the process of finding a husband along if that was the case. She had no interest in watching the love birds under the same roof. She would never act so ridiculously besotted, but her brother always had been the romantic one. She supposed it was nice that he had found a woman who would take care of his tender heart.

Mrs. Gardiner watched Miss Bingley's face transition from annoyed at her brother and Jane to a more relaxed contentment. She was curious what the younger woman was thinking of, but mostly she was pleased that Caroline had shown herself to care about her brother's happiness, whether it was consciously done or not. It appeared she was redeemable after all.

The visit was short. Bingley did not want to leave Jane's side after the look of pleasure she had given him, but he also did not want to push Caroline too hard. She had genuinely apologised for something, which he knew was difficult for her. He could appreciate that she was uncomfortable. When she invited Jane and Mrs. Gardiner for tea early the following week, he was proud of her. He left Gracechurch Street with more hope than he had felt since he had left Hertfordshire in November.

"Well Jane dear, what do you think of Miss Bingley's apology?" Mrs. Gardiner asked as soon as their guests had left.

"I think she meant it, do you?" Jane replied.

"I was surprised, but I think so, too. I believe it is difficult for her to admit wrong-doing. That she could shows that she at least cares for her brother. At a minimum, I think that she will do better by you as long as you are under Mr. Bingley's protection in her eyes. I would hope that you could have something more than that with a sister, but it will depend upon her. There may be more to her than we first saw."

"There is no guarantee that she will be my sister, Aunt. Mr. Bingley has not proposed," Jane said quietly.

Her aunt gave her an exasperated look as she replied, "Please. You do not even need to speak for yourself; one eloquent look and Mr. Bingley would throw himself at your feet. A proposal from him is entirely in your hands."

"I do not like that. I do not like having someone's happiness so in my power," Jane replied, embarrassed and a little upset. "I do not like to think that I could hurt him so easily."

Mrs. Gardiner grew serious at this, "Do you feel like you should marry him because he loves you and you should love him? Jane, I do not want to see you pressured into marrying a man because it is expected; that is a sure way to resentment. Can you put yourself in a place of being unconcerned for his feelings and everyone's expectations? What do you want?"

"I do not know!" exclaimed Jane. "I feel guilty for not wanting to marry him now, when he is a good man who will be able to provide for me and help my family. I should want to marry him."

"You do not need to marry anybody, my dear. Lizzy's marriage protected you from that."

"I feel guilty for that as well," cried Jane. "Why should Lizzy have had to sacrifice her happiness when I do not? If I would been more forward last autumn, I might be married now, and Lizzy would not have had to accept a man she does not love. Why should I have the privilege of marrying for love when she was just as deserving?"

"Jane, first, you do not know that Mr. Bingley would have proposed. It may be clear he wishes to now, but I do not think anyone would have been so sure in November. You cannot dwell on the past when looking to your future. Regardless of his intentions last year, that opportunity has passed and a new one is before you. Secondly, I think it is best that you have learned more of Mr. Bingley before you choose whether or not to marry him. The way our society pairs young couples off, barely knowing anything about one another, does not bode well for future happiness. It is better to know the defects of your future partner before you wed, so you are not entering the married state under false impressions. Learning that you are virtually incompatible after the commitment has been made too easily leads to resentment. You have an opportunity that few young people do: time and security.

"Finally, do not worry about Lizzy. She could not see it before, but I think she and Mr. Darcy are turning out to be a quite the match. I believe your sister is well on her way to becoming a very happily married woman. Let us be happy for her and not be afraid to take advantage of the opportunity her marriage has offered. You are now able to be patient. Marry for love; it would be the best way to thank your sister for the wonderful gift she has given you. Lizzy wants you to be happy, my dear."

Jane was quiet for a time before she replied, "I do know that Lizzy is happy, but what if I still do not know what I want?"

Mrs. Gardiner reached her hand out to clasp Jane's, "Do not forget that you are still in mourning. You lost your father just two and a half months ago. Your heart is not in a position to be sorting itself out right now. Mr. Bingley said he would wait for you. Take time to heal a little first. He will still be there when you do."

Jane felt as though a great weight had lifted from her shoulders. She saw now that she had felt obligated to marry Mr. Bingley. Her aunt's reassurances gave her space to breath, for which she was truly grateful.

All three Darcys had dinner at the Gardiners' on Friday. Darcy and Elizabeth had been married for two weeks, and while they had no intention of placing the knocker on their door for their last week in London, they could enjoy a few dinners with their families.

Elizabeth arrived very curious as to how honest Jane and her aunt thought Miss Bingley to be. She also wanted to find out the state of Jane's heart. She found herself thinking a little wistfully of their nights whispering together before they fell asleep. She missed their time together.

"Well Jane, what do you think of Miss Bingley now?" Elizabeth asked as soon as the ladies had removed to the sitting room after dinner.

"I am glad that she was contrite and genuine in her apology. I do not want to be out-of-sorts with anybody, and now we may continue on as friends. She did visit you then?"

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, "She did. I believe it was more difficult for her to speak to me. It was the first time she was required to call me by my new name, and she may have nearly choked on it."

"Was it truly that bad?" asked Mrs. Gardiner, worried that it was indicative of Miss Bingley's lack of true remorse.

"Perhaps not so bad. Still, I do not think she likes me. I think she apologised because it was in her best interest to do so, not because she wanted to. If that is what it takes for her to hold her tongue, though, I will take it for your sake Jane." Elizabeth then added with a smirk, "You may bring your new sister to visit, if you like."

Jane looked as though she wanted to roll her eyes, but in true Jane fashion, she refrained, "She is not my sister, Lizzy."

"But she probably will be."

"That is not guaranteed," Jane replied.

"Do you not care for Mr. Bingley?" Georgiana asked hesitantly, not wanted to pry.

"It is not that she does not care for him, Miss Darcy, as much as she needs time to settle her mind. It is better for us if we do not rush into a marriage that we may regret later," said Mrs. Gardiner.

Georgiana blushed pink at this, and Mrs. Gardiner added kindly, "It is difficult for any young woman to decide who to marry, and if she feels pressured to marry somebody, she is apt to make a rash decision."

"She is," replied Georgiana quietly. "But with good advice and a little time to think, I agree Mrs. Gardiner, that a young woman is more likely to make the right decision."

"Especially young women who are willing to listen to that good advice," added Elizabeth with a kind look to Georgiana.

Georgiana felt overwhelmed by the acceptance these women offered her. They knew of her history, yet they did not condemn her for it. She had always hoped her brother would marry a woman she could like. That Elizabeth came with such a wonderful family was more than she had ever hoped for.

Elizabeth reached over and gently squeezed Georgiana's hand before turning the conversation back to Jane and Bingley.

"Do you still find it acceptable for Mr. Bingley to join us at Pemberley, Jane? Are you hoping for time to think away from him? We will ask him to wait a few weeks, if you like."

"No," replied Jane. "I am comfortable with him being there. He has told me he will be patient for me, and I believe him. I think that it is better for me to see him and spend time with him, to discover if he is a man with whom I could spend my life or not. Please do not change your plans for me."

"I will tell Mr. Darcy that it is settled then. He has been waiting to confirm Mr. Bingley's arrival with him until we knew your wishes. I am glad that you will see him. I agree that it is best to get to know him better before you make a decision."

When the gentlemen joined the ladies in the sitting room, Mr. Gardiner maneuvered Elizabeth to the side and captured her in conversation about the array of houses Mrs. Bennet was choosing from. Darcy took the moment offered, and approached Jane.

"Miss Bennet, I find myself in need of your assistance with something I would like to do for Elizabeth. Do you have a moment for a private word with me?" he asked.

If Jane was surprised, she did not show it.

"Certainly, Mr. Darcy," she said, as they moved to the side of the room farthest from her sister.

"What can I do for you, sir?"

Darcy glanced at Elizabeth, to ensure that she was still engrossed with her uncle before he looked back to Jane and spoke, "There are books in your father's bookroom that Elizabeth would particularly like to have. They are the ones that he made notes in, and they carry special meaning for her. Do you know of them?"

"I do. The ones on the shelf closest to his desk. If she wants them, I am sure Mr. Collins would let her have them."

"She does not think it would be that easy. She is afraid that your cousin would withhold them out of resentment for her refusal of him."

Jane's eyebrows lifted slightly at that, surprised that her sister had discussed their cousin's proposal with her husband. They must be getting along quite well, if they had reached that already. She smiled at the thought.

Darcy watched Jane curiously. Her slight show of surprise led him to believe she was actually quite surprised; she so rarely betrayed her thoughts. He was not sure what the following smile meant, however.

Her face grew serious again as she replied, "I do not like to think that our cousin would withhold something so small from our family due to such a reason, but I am apt to trust Lizzy judgement before my own in this. She has been...more realistic about our cousin's dealings with us than I. What do you need me to do?"

Darcy relaxed, grateful that she was so ready to help, "Would you be willing to include a note of mine in a letter to Mrs. Collins? It would not be appropriate for me to write her directly, and I would like to ask for her assistance. You may read what I write, if you would prefer."

Jane smiled, "I trust you not to do anything inappropriate. I will include your note. Is that all you wanted?"

"It is for now. I hope that Mrs. Collins will be able to assist, but if not, I may ask for more. Thank you, Miss Bennet."

Jane glanced at Elizabeth and replied, "I think it is wonderful that you are doing this for her. I want Lizzy to be happy, and you are making her happy. She might not see it yet, but I do. So thank you, Mr. Darcy."

Darcy looked at his wife for a moment. She noticed him watching and flashed him a smile. He could not help but smile in return.

"She is becoming happier, is she not?" he asked softly.

Jane smiled, "She is."

Watching Darcy look lovingly at her sister made Jane think wistfully of Mr. Bingley. He looked at her with that kind of longing in his eyes. Elizabeth had not thought Mr. Darcy could make her happy, and he was. Her sister had not even acknowledged her love for her husband, that Jane knew of, yet Elizabeth was happy. Jane wondered if she was holding on to her fear like Elizabeth had held on to her resentment: for too long.

"Mr. Darcy," Jane spoke suddenly.

"Yes?" he replied, dragging his eyes away from Elizabeth's side of the room.

"You think highly of Mr. Bingley?"

Darcy was surprised by her question. It was a bit abrupt, especially for Jane, but he answered almost automatically, "I do."

"Why?" Jane asked. "Not because he does not deserve it, but I would like to know. You appear to be very good friends, and I do not think you are one to develop friendships with just anybody. You must have good reasons to think so well of him. If you do not mind sharing," she added belatedly, hoping she had not stepped too far over the line of casual conversation.

"I do not mind, Miss Bennet, and I think you deserve no less from me. Bingley is a good, honest man. While our set does not have a surplus of men who are, I know enough. What makes Bingley stand out is his optimistic view of the world and his universal kindness. I am too cynical of a man myself, and he is refreshingly upbeat. I need people like him to remind me of the goodness in the world; to keep me from utter disappointment in it."

"Do you not think him too trusting?"

"I think him very loyal. Once Bingley places you in his inner circle, he commits fully to your happiness. It is difficult for Bingley to see fault in the people he loves. While that can cause him to misjudge people's intentions, he makes a very devoted friend. I speak from experience when I say that I appreciate his forgiving nature."

Darcy watched Jane think through what he had said, and then decided to add, "Miss Bennet, if you are wondering if Bingley can be devoted to you first, I believe that he can. I believe that he already is. He may have been unsure of his heart in November, but I do not think he has any doubt now."

Jane looked at him with misty eyes, "Thank you, Mr. Darcy."

"Again, it is the least I can do for you. I am only sorry that I caused you to be in this place at all. I hope you may find your happiness, wherever that may be. You deserve it."

"You are a good man, Mr. Darcy. I am glad you married Lizzy," Jane said with meaning.

Darcy smiled, "Thank you, and so am I."

Elizabeth spent Saturday with Georgiana, Jane, and Mrs. Gardiner shopping for the remainder of her trousseau. She ordered several new but simple gray and lavender dresses, choosing mostly light tones that could be re-dyed later to brighter colors. Mrs. Darcy she may be, but she felt foolish buying dresses she knew she would only wear for three months. The dresses themselves were of excellent quality, and would not wear out easily. She did not expect to be entertaining much before their return to London the following winter, and she could prepare her wardrobe for it then.

They found all of her other necessities, and Georgiana was delighted to help choose the delicate stockings, slippers and gloves. They chose new underthings and nightgowns, with her aunt gently pushing 'more womanly' selections at her, to her embarrassment. She felt slightly scandalous buying them, even if no one but her maid and likely her husband would ever see them on her. Elizabeth was still adjusting to the vast difference between a proper, delicate maiden and a married woman. To her relief, they finally moved on to sturdier outerwear. She was heading north, after all, and would need to be prepared for rougher terrain and harsher winters. Elizabeth was grateful for Georgiana's assistance there, as her new sister knew exactly what was needed. All in all, the day was highly successful, and Elizabeth felt prepared, at least on a clothing front, to move to Pemberley.

Elizabeth and Georgiana left Mrs. Gardiner and Jane at Gracechurch Street and then headed home to Darcy House. After overseeing the organisation of the packages already with them and preparing Mrs. Rowley for the deluge to come over the next few days, Elizabeth went in search of her husband. She found Darcy in his study.

"Elizabeth!" he said happily, when she entered. His enthusiastic response to seeing her put a smile on her face. She was not sure if it was her reading his emotions better, or him becoming more expressive in them with her, but she was reminded of her aunt's comments on being able to read him better as time went on. As usual, her aunt was correct again.

"How are you, Fitzwilliam? Did you accomplish much without me here to distract you?" she asked with a sly grin.

Darcy walked around the desk toward her. "I did accomplish much," he said as he reached her and leaned down to gently kiss her mouth. "It was not because I am not distracted by you, however. Even when you are not around, I still think of you often. Thankfully I am becoming accustomed to it, and seem to be able to work and think of you at the same time now."

"So marrying me shall not be the ruin of you?" she teased.

"Very much the opposite," he said as he pulled her close and kissed her again. "I do believe marrying you shall be the making of me."

"After being married to me for a couple of weeks, you still do not think you will regret me?" she asked shakily, no longer teasing.

"Never," he whispered, kissed her one more time, and then drew her in to hold her close, resting his head on hers. "I love you, Elizabeth Darcy, and that will never change."

Elizabeth was quiet, not yet feeling able to return the sentiment, but basking in the feeling of security and contentment she found in her husband's arms.

Darcy, not wanting to feel his disappointment at not hearing her reply in kind, moved them to the chairs in front of his desk to share his news with her.

"I spoke with your uncle today," he said as they sat. "Mrs. Bennet has decided to take the cottage by the Miller farm. It is vacant, so they will take possession immediately. A small amount of time will be needed to prepare the house for them, and they will be moving in next week."

"I am very glad to hear that. Thank you again, Fitzwilliam, for doing this for my mother. I want you to know that I am grateful."

Darcy smiled tightly at her gratitude, "We had not discussed this before, but I thought we should send a moving gift of furniture for them. I assume they will not be taking much from Longbourn. What do you think?"

"That would be wonderful!" Elizabeth replied in delight. "You are very generous, Sir."

Darcy nearly sighed. While he was glad that Elizabeth was happy, his own dissatisfaction at this conversation was growing.

"I hope you do not mind, but when your uncle spoke of traveling north on a tour this summer, I invited he and your aunt to stay at Pemberley."

"Oh, Fitzwilliam!" she exclaimed as she jumped up and leaned across him to kiss him on the cheek as she would have done to her father when he granted her a dear wish. Only this time it was not like with her father at all, and she realised it was the first time she had initiated a kiss with Darcy. She blushed bright red and began to quickly move back to her own chair, unsure of what to do now.

"I am sorry," she mumbled quietly.

Darcy reached out and grasped her wrist gently. "Elizabeth," he said quietly as he pulled on her arm to bring her back toward him. He let go of her wrist to put his hands around her waist and set her on his lap.

"Please do not ever apologise for showing me affection. I love you and I want you to be happy. Seeing you happy is what brings me happiness. You know that I would do anything for you, do you not?"

Elizabeth hesitated, and then looked into his eyes. She was nearly overwhelmed by the earnestness there, and tears sprang to her own eyes.

"Fitzwilliam," she asked, "how do you know that you love me? That it is not just infatuation?"

Darcy was a little surprised by her sudden question, and in his confusion, answered her in an odd-for-him, rambling fashion.

"I find myself wanting to share my joys with you so that you may feel the happiness with me. I...I seek you out when I am down...your presence brings me comfort. I feel a yearning to hold you close...as though I could hold you tightly enough to make us truly one. I can see us old together after a lifetime, and all I feel is contentment. You tease me and laugh at me...and I live for that. It is strange, because I would find that irritating in anyone else, and it is endearing in you. I do not think it is an infatuation because I know that you have faults, yet I love you anyway. I do not wish for you to change. I only...I only wish to be loved by you in return."

Elizabeth began to cry, feeling guilty. "I am sorry," she said again.

"Elizabeth, please do not apologise. I do not want to force your feelings. I will not deny that it is difficult to yearn for something that I do not have, but I keep reminding myself that you just lost your father and you did not even think of me as someone to love until a very short time ago. I have not given up hope. I can wait for you."

Elizabeth buried her face in his neck and wrapped her arms tightly around him. She sat, quietly held by this man who loved her and offered her so much.

"I want you to know," she said, finally breaking the silence, "that I am trying to love you, that I am seeking it out and not fighting it."

"I could not ask you for more," he replied.

A/N: I've added a rather long personality description for Caroline to my profile page, if you're interested.

Thanks for sticking with me.