Sorry for the long wait people. Hopefully you've heard from my other story where I've been, or if not, got in the hint from my A/N in the last chapter. I'm thinking a couple more chapters after this, and then I'll wrap up the story. Just pure fluff left you guys! Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I actually do own something in the chapter, the baby's name. However, I can't tell you what it is because that would ruin the chapter. Go figure.
Chapter 5: Teach Me To Breathe Again
Neither of them was sure how long they stood in Scotty's kitchen, alternating between kissing and just gazing at each other, matching goofy grins on their faces. Every so often, one of them would be overcome with joy and the words 'I love you' would spew helplessly out of their mouth. God, how good it felt to say it out loud, and know it would be accepted and reciprocated, something that both Scotty and Lilly had been missing for a while. She kept her arms linked around his neck, and he kept his around her waist. They could've been dancing if their knees weren't weak from the kisses they shared.
They might have stood there forever if not for a sudden wail, the unmistakable cry of a baby, from down the hall.
Lilly pulled herself out of Scotty's arms with a shy smile. "I think the Bug needs us." She murmured, before jogging toward the cries, getting louder by the second. "C'mon." She beckoned, "I might need your help."
Scotty smiled and followed her. Babies were babies, like it or not, they wouldn't wait for a convenient time to have their needs met, even if the ones meeting those needs were currently sharing the moment of both their lives.
In a show of courage, that frankly, Lilly didn't know she possessed, she walked into Scotty's bedroom without a backward glance, hoping the slight falter in her steps wouldn't show. The baby was lying smack in the middle of the bed, and Lilly could tell that Scotty had gone to great lengths to make her comfortable. Both pillows were pushed aside to make way for the baby's small head and the pile of Scotty's clothes on the floor indicated they'd been thrown onto the floor in haste. Lilly felt a rush of affection.
She hesitated at the side of the bed, still new to the whole caring-for-human-babies thing. Lilly couldn't help the inherent ability to be careful, tread lightly, lest she break the delicate looking creature in front of her. Temporarily pushing aside the worry that she would screw up before even spending a night with the baby, Lilly climbed gingerly into one side of Scotty's bed and propped herself up by the elbow. She placed a hand on the baby's stomach and rubbed a few circles. She quieted down immediately.
Scotty hovered uncertainly by the door. Despite all the painful talking they'd done, he still didn't know where he stood. She'd said the three of them together, right? Did that mean he was allowed to get involved? Was she letting him?
"Scotty, don't just stand there by the door." Lilly teased, and she looked on happily as he flashed her a smile and lay down on the other side of the baby. Their hands brushed as they rubbed the baby's tummy together and Lilly felt herself blush again.
"Hey eyes are so blue." Scotty muttered, looking up into Lilly's eyes and realizing they were the exact same shade. "Kinda like yours." He added, with a lopsided grin.
"Yeah." Lilly agreed. "She stopped crying too." The baby's eyes were traveling around the room in wonder, flicking innocently between Scotty and Lilly. She was completely silent, except for the occasional suckling sound, the kind the baby in the movies makes. Still, the Bug had them both mesmerized.
"Sometimes babies just need company." Scotty said wisely, taking one of her tiny hands in his own and letting her grasp his finger.
"Kinda like us, y'know, lonely grown ups." Lilly added with a slight wistful look, twisting her fingers around the baby's soft hair.
"Makes you wish we could scrunch up our face, make that sound and get whoever we want." Scotty's voice was quiet, trying not to shatter the delicate moment between the three of them. It seemed almost surreal, him and Lilly lying on his bed, a baby between them. And it amazed him so much he didn't want to move, breathe, or do anything to disturb the rare peace they'd found after years of turmoil.
Lilly seemed to sense his sudden nervousness. "I'm scared Scotty." She admitted reluctantly. To her chagrin, Lilly wanted nothing more than to be back in the kitchen, with Scotty's arms securely around her. Lacking that, she stretched out a hand to him and he took it willingly.
"The baby won't hurt you, Lil." He said softly, all the while knowing that wasn't what she was scared of. He knew exactly the kind of trepidation she was feeling, because it was mirrored in his own heart. He wondered if it was showing in his eyes, and if it would be a small comfort to Lilly if it was.
Lilly nodded. "What if we hurt her?" She asked fearfully. "What if, I dunno, she turns out just like me, or something?"
Scotty leaned over and kissed her on her forehead, the simple gesture doing wonders for her frayed nerves. "Then that'll be great." He replied with an honest smile. Lilly continued to look worried, "I'm scared too…" He trailed off.
He really wasn't doing anything to assuage her fears was he? Lilly mused silently. If she didn't have it together, she'd have to depend on the fact that he did, but if neither of them had a clue what they were doing… Oh, he's still talking Rush, just listen.
"But we love her." Scotty's voice burst through her bubble of worried thoughts. "I ain't sure what I'm doin', and I know you ain't sure either, but we're both worried Lil - an' you don't worry about people you don't love."
He was making sense. Lilly's eyes widened as what he'd been trying to get her to see the past two days finally clicked into place. "We love her." She repeated slowly.
"We love her." Scotty echoed. "And that's gotta be enough."
Lilly blew out a deep breath. They could do this. She wasn't going to screw up like her mother had, because Ellen had never loved her girls and Lilly loved this child already, more than she ever imagined she could. She had never thought kids were in the cards for her, not the way men flitted in and out of her life, but Lilly would be lying if she hadn't hoped that sometime, something would come along and make this particular dream come true. She wanted nothing more than for this girl to grow up safe, strong, and loved. Lilly's mother hadn't had anyone to help her, but she had Scotty, Lilly realized with a surge of joy. She had Scotty. Scotty who… wait a second. Lilly frowned.
"What is it, Lil?" Scotty asked softly, seeing the turn in her thoughts written all over her features. He brushed his thumb across her cheek, absentmindedly sweeping aside a few strands of blond hair. She wasn't having second thoughts again, was she? No, not after the way she'd jumped off the metaphorical edge and dragged him with her this afternoon. Just shut up, and let her answer the question. There you go.
Lilly avoided his eyes. "Why do you love her?" She burst out. "I mean, she isn't yours or anything, and still you're - you're here - buying things and saying things."
Scotty silenced her with a quick kiss. "I do love her." He insisted gently. "I love her and I can't promise much Lil, but I promise to never stop lovin' her. Or you."
She nodded hesitantly, and he reached across to wrap an arm around her neck. "So you gotta stop sayin' things like 'she ain't mine', Lil." He said, ducking his head to meet her eyes, "Okay?"
She nodded again, more confident this time, and when she looked up, Scotty could see the love and gratitude shining on the surface, not beneath some poorly constructed walls. "Okay."
"Y'know." Scotty began with a grin. "I, uh, ain't sure if we were plannin' on callin' her the Bug forever, but I think, we need a name."
"I dunno, the Bug's got a nice ring to it." Lilly mused, bending down to kiss the top of the baby's forehead. At the incredulous look of both Scotty and the unnamed baby between them, she acquiesced. "Okay, a name. How do people name their kids anyways?"
Scotty thought for a second. He and Mike had been born and named American, a toast to the family's new beginning in a new country, away from the clutches of Cuba and its new leader. They hadn't had some meaningful namesake. They were just, brand new, a clean slate, and it had worked out fine. But looking at the baby between him and Lilly, Scotty knew, this baby girl wasn't a clean slate. There was already so much, in her few short months of life, that couldn't be overlooked.
"Somethin' that means somethin', to both of us." Scotty said quietly to himself.
Lilly nodded slowly. That was easier said than done. The people who'd meant things to her had all left her at some point in her life. Her thoughts immediately went to her mother and her sister, the only relatives she knew. Christina. Ellen. Perfectly nice names that were forever tainted. Names that meant something, but couldn't be used because there was too much bitterness woven in between the tendrils of love.
"We could name her after my mom." Scotty offered with a slight laugh. "Or yours." He added. At the mutinous look Lilly shot him, he dropped the teasing veneer and lapsed into real thought, as Lilly did the same.
A memory sprung unbidden to Lilly's mind. A memory from many decades ago that she hadn't thought on since at least that long, from her childhood. Immediately, she made a move to shut the door on her thoughts, but when she realized that this wasn't that kind of flashback, she let it wash over her.
"Lilly! Wake up…" A four year old Christina Rush poked her sister's face again, frowning when the eight year old remained deeply in sleep. "It's Christmas morning…" She hissed into her ear. "C'mon."
Lilly rolled over slowly and eased her eyes open. She looked toward the window and saw that the sun was barely up, but Chris was already bouncing on the bed like… well like a kid on Christmas morning. "Chris." Lilly implored, her eight year old voice tired with all she'd been through already. "Go back to sleep, please."
"We gotta go open presents." Chris said with a lopsided smile. Lilly only stared back, knowing only too well that there wouldn't be any. She didn't have it in her to break Chris's heart, so she stood up and took her hand, tiptoeing out of their room and down the stairs.
Lilly prepared herself for the inevitable explanation as to why Santa had left them out this year, why they didn't have a tree, or decorations, or presents to think of. Each step down the stairs seemed to fill her heart with dread and bring her closer to her sister's sad wide eyes…
When the living room came into view, Lilly closed her eyes. She didn't want to see it, the moment Chris's bubble of innocence and happiness would burst. She expected a soft sigh of disappointment from the four year old next to her… but instead she heard a squeal of excitement. "Look, Lilly!"
Lilly's eyes sprang open, and she immediately rubbed them to make sure she wasn't seeing things. In their small living room, a two foot tall electric Christmas tree was plugged in, flashing fluorescent lights all around. Underneath the tree was a single gift, and when she and Chris ran to it, they saw that it was addressed to both of them, from Santa.
They tore the gift apart, almost literally, in their haste to get to the present inside.
It was a doll. A big doll that came up to Chris's four year old shoulder when propped up and had a childish, beautiful aura that wasn't even lost on Lilly, who had already seen far too much. They spent the entire morning playing with that doll, and when Ellen and Roy, the most recent man she'd been dating, traipsed downstairs hours later, they watched them playing happily. It felt good, like being a real family.
"We should give her a name." Lilly suggested exuberantly a little while later.
Chris scrunched up her four year old face in deep thought, and a few minutes later, she burst out, "How 'bout Lollypop."
Lilly sent her little sister an amused and disbelieving glare. "That." She said in a mature tone, "Is a stupid name."
Chris had gone on unperturbed, suggesting a plethora of other names for their new 'baby', which Lilly rolled her eyes to. It went on like that, for a day and a half before Chris suggested, "Bethy!"
"Bethy." Lilly repeated. "Isn't a real name."
"But I like it." Christ whined. She sat on the floor, clutching the doll that neither Lilly nor she had let out of their sight since they'd unwrapped her.
Lilly immediately sat next to her, the inherent need to comfort her little sister kicking in. "Okay." She agreed quietly, "How about Beth."
Chris nodded in agreement and the two girls burst into helpless gales of joyful laughter, enveloped in a three way hug with each other and Bethy.
That doll had become their shared comfort when Ellen broke up with Roy two months later, and sunk into her usual drunken stupor. And that time, it hadn't been as bad as before because they had Beth and their one perfect Christmas. Lilly had never had the heart to throw away that doll, even when it had grown old and ratty. In fact, it was probably still sitting her closet somewhere, gathering dust…
Lilly's thoughts careened back to the present and she let out a small gasp. That Christmas… it had indeed meant something to her. It was one of the happiest memories of her childhood, one not tainted with sadness or hatred. That doll, Beth, as she'd called her in that mature voice, was the purest, kindest gift she'd even received. "Beth…" She whispered aloud.
At that same moment, Scotty was lost in a thought of his own. The first time he thought he might get a chance to be a dad, many years ago. He was barely 17 at the time, not even graduated out of high school…
"Scotty." Elisa whispered, beckoning toward him from outside the classroom. "Scotty…"
Scotty sent the nun at the front of the class a furtive glance. It usually wasn't hard to sneak out of this class, as long as he gave a reasonable excuse and tried not to make it too obvious he was bringing all his stuff with him. Scotty raised his hands, begged to go to the nurse's office, grabbed his backpack and followed Elisa, who was waiting for him down the hall.
"What is it?" He asked, greeting her with a kiss. Immediately, he sensed something was wrong. He pulled back and looked into her wide eyes.
"Scotty, I think I might be pregnant." Her fearful voice seemed loud in the empty corridor, and Scotty was temporarily frozen. Pregnant? It couldn't be right? He glanced at her for confirmation and she nodded, panic clouding her eyes.
He didn't know how they'd gotten the home pregnancy test. Between asking around and some begging on Scotty's part, they found themselves locked in a washroom that afternoon, anxiously awaiting results.
"Ma's gonna kill me." Scotty muttered, running a hand through his hair. He spun around, facing Elisa with a terrified look. "Your pop's gonna help her bury me."
"He's not that bad." Elisa said with a smile, trying to counteract her own anxiousness.
Scotty snorted. "On our first date, he checked my wallet for condoms and showed me his gun collection." He said darkly.
Elisa laughed, glancing down at the pregnancy test one more time. "We would be okay, Scotty." She said suddenly. "If this is… positive… we're gonna be okay, right?"
"More than okay." He said. "Wouldn't it be great to have a girl?"
Elisa smiled wistfully. They wanted kids, they both did, not now… but if God said now was the time then… "What would we name her?"
"We'd name her after you, Bella."
The pregnancy test had been negative, and it'd been thrown away without a second thought. But something had taken root within both of them. Their first girl. The child he was supposed to have with Elisa. They'd name her after her.
Scotty's eyes focused back on the present, and on the baby girl before him. He curled a finger around her hair. She wasn't Elisa's baby, and none of this had turned out how he thought it would… but she was his and Lilly's, and he loved them both, more than he ever thought he could after Elisa. Years later, and now he was less naïve, seen more of the world, and irrevocably in love with Lilly Rush. With a small smile, Scotty realized he could still fulfill the promise he made to Elisa when they were 17.
"Elisa…" Scotty whispered. At the same time, he was aware of Lilly muttering something under her breath. They looked up from their memories together, meeting each others eyes. "What d'you say?" He asked with a grin.
"Just thinking." Lilly said, looking at the baby instead. "Beth?" She asked cautiously. "What did you say?"
"I was, uh, just thinkin' too." Scotty replied sheepishly. "Elisa?"
For a moment, Scotty wondered whether they were going to argue about which name got to be the first name, and which name got to be the middle. He figured Lilly should get the final say and was just about to step back when her face split into a wide, exuberant grin.
"Elizabeth."
Scotty repeated the name reverently. "Elizabeth."
It meant something, that was for sure. To both him and Lilly. Scotty made a mental note to ask her what the name Beth meant to her, but for now, he caressed the name on his tongue, feeling tears prick his eyes. When he looked at Lilly, he knew she would be wearing a similar expression.
"The Bug has a name." Lilly said shakily, wiping at the tears in her own eyes.
Scotty nodded. "Elizabeth Rush." It had a nice ring to it. And considering the sounds she was making, the Bug was perfectly happy with that.
"Elizabeth Valens Rush." Lilly corrected quietly. He hadn't thought he would be forgotten had he? After everything he'd said about Elizabeth being both of theirs.
"Lil." Scotty breathed. "You don't have to…" Was she really letting him in that far? Had he underestimated her this entire time, pushed her away because he didn't think she could go all in on him?
Lilly silenced him with a quick kiss. "She's gonna wonder why she doesn't have daddy's name."
If Scotty had been surprised before, he was completely shell shocked now. In a surge of love, he reached behind her neck to deepen the kiss. Lilly Rush was simply amazing, breathtaking, perfect. "You're gonna be a great mommy." He murmured against her lips, and when he felt her smile, he couldn't imagine a more perfect place to be.
Scotty leaned back, so taken by the entire day they'd had that he completely forgot about the night that preceded it, specifically the damage done to his hand. When he tried to prop his head on his torn knuckles, he winced, hoping it would go unnoticed, and knowing that it wouldn't.
"Let me see that." Lilly demanded, reaching out for his hand. Briefly, Scotty considered brushing it off like it was no big deal, but damn it, his hand was really starting to hurt. He acquiesced reluctantly.
Lilly studied his hand critically. Overnight, bruises on Scotty's knuckles had darkened to a menacing black, and where there wasn't a bruise, there was broken skin. He could probably use stitches, a bandage, and a splint. It must take a hell of a lot of force to punch through drywall, Lilly realized sadly. She made a mental note to refuse to let him drive when she forced him to go to the hospital.
"We're going to the hospital." She announced, letting go of his hand and answering his scoff with a fierce glare.
"Ah, it ain't that bad." He complained. "Besides, you really want our first day with Elizabeth to be at the hospital?"
"Your hand could be broken." Lilly replied with a touch of skepticism, "I don't think Elizabeth will mind. Will you?" Lilly added, speaking to her new daughter.
Scotty absentmindedly tickled his daughter's stomach, earning himself a delighted gurgle. "How do you do that?" Lilly asked.
"Put off the hospital visit and I'll show you." Scotty grinned back at her amazed look. "It ain't hard, really."
"Lil?" He asked, in an attempt to change the subject. When she looked up from the other side of their daughter, Scotty thought maybe he shouldn't ask, just in case it wasn't his place to know. Besides, this was perfect. What they'd found was perfect. Should he really rock the boat so soon? "Who's Beth?" Damn it. Great job, Valens.
To his relief, Lilly didn't put her Ice Queen mask back on, just gave him a cryptic smile. "She's, uh, someone important. I'll show you someday."
"Someday?" Scotty couldn't help but ask.
"Maybe when we unpack your stuff into my closet, we'll find her." Lilly said. A moment later, she threw her head back and laughed. Scotty didn't know what she was talking about. He probably thought she hid a body in her closet or something equally ridiculous.
She looked over at Scotty, expecting to find a half confused, half frightened look on his face, but instead she met a faraway, dreamlike gaze. Scotty seemed to have lapsed into happy visualizations at the mere mention of them moving in together. Lilly shook her head with a smile. She could tell her story another day. After all, they had plenty ahead of them.
If you hate the name, take it up with someone else. I really didn't want to just name her, and this is what I came up with. Completely cheesy and unbelievable, but whatever. As always, leave me a little review please. (: They make my day and make me post faster, y'know?