The Joys of Parenthood
Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic, so I'll be using my go-to MPREG explanation like I did in When We're Older aka the Reddin gene. The gene is based on the Reddin character from the 1994 movie Junior. You should really watch it if you like mpreg. It's a good movie, I promise (I also don't have any rights to it either!) I also don't really own anything mentioned in this except for the crazy storyline so... I OWN NOTHING.
[PROMPT: According to old wives tales about pregnancy, carrying all your extra weight in the "back" usually means one is having a little girl. Well, Kurt's adding a little more junk to his trunk and Blaine has something to say about it.]
At first, Blaine wasn't sure if he should say anything. He'd done his reading about pregnancy, skimmed through the articles online and devoured the books that he'd picked up at a used bookstore. However, a few facts he just couldn't get out of his mind - old wives tales or not. One of them was about the baby's gender and how the body carried its extra weight during the pregnancy. The tale was that if you had a rounder belly, you were having a boy... and if your backside got bigger? Well, it was a girl.
Blaine's dilemma was that he was definitely sure they were having a girl... especially since the answer was right there in front of his face, plain and simple.
"Honey?"
"Yes?"
"I'm not sure what you're doing back there, but I'd appreciate it if you'd quit staring at my ass. You're making me self-conscious."
"Self-conscious? Kurt, why? You look amazing."
"If you haven't noticed," Kurt started, turning slightly to stare down at his kneeling husband, "I seem to have developed a case of a fat ass. Look at it!" He shimmied a bit, shaking his bum before he spun around to take a look at it himself in the mirror near the bed. "Look how big it's gotten!"
"You're pregnant. You're gonna gain weight, silly."
"But it's all going to my ass! My belly's barely doing a thing! I look like I'm four months pregnant instead of six! How is that normal? My ass looks six months pregnant instead!" When Blaine snorted, Kurt leveled him with a glare, silencing him within seconds.
"Sorry, I just- honey, you look amazing." Smiling, Blaine stepped forward, sliding his arms around Kurt's waist to rub at his swollen belly. To this day, five months since they found themselves staring down at a positive pregnancy test, he was still in awe that they were having a baby together. Sure, he hated that Kurt was having to deal with all the side effects and such from carrying another human life, but he adored being able to be a part of it. Watching Kurt's belly (and ass, if he wanted to be truthful) grow because of the development of their future child made his heart beat a little faster in his chest. He was so excited to meet their baby, so ready to be a dad and he couldn't wait for the next three-and-a-half months to fly by so he could hold their child in his arms. "You know what?" He asked after several moments of just holding his husband. "I think we're having a girl."
"You think we're having a girl? What brought that on?"
"Well I was looking online-" Now it was Kurt's turn to snort, "-and according to what I read, if you're carrying most of your extra weight in your butt, it means you're having a girl."
"So because my ass is fat, I'm having a girl?"
"I never said your ass was fat. I was just saying that... umm," he bit his lip, giving Kurt a shy smile when his husband's glaring grew a little more sinister. "I, uh- your ass looks fantastic, if you didn't know. Yes, it's a little bit bigger, but you look amazing and I'm about two seconds away from dropping to my knees to worship you and-"
"Nice save," Kurt smirked, turning in his husband's arms to press a kiss to the corner of Blaine's mouth. "Keep complimenting me like that and you'll get very far."
"Did I mention that pregnancy's never looking so amazing? So fashionable?"
"You're about to get husband bonus points."
Blaine smiled brighter, leaning in to kiss Kurt again as his hands ran along Kurt's round belly before they slid around his waist and reached down to cup his ample ass, causing his husband to squeak in surprise.
"Blaine!"
"Just enjoying the extra perks of this pregnancy."
"You're a dork."
"Mhmm. A dork who's gonna be a father of a cute little girl if your ass keeps growing like this." When Kurt growled and swatted his hands away, Blaine burst out laughing again, reaching out for his husband as the other man stormed across the room to finish folding the laundry he left tossed on the bed. "You know I love you-"
"I love you too... ass." Kurt continued folding the clothes, pausing for a second before he dropped a folded pair of shorts on the bed and turned to grin at his husband, a strange glint in his eyes, "Hey. Are you absolutely positive we're having a girl?"
"Yep. I'd bet money on it."
"Fine. Twenty bucks says it's a boy."
Blaine took another long appreciative look at Kurt's ass before he looked back up, shooting a smug look at his husband. "Deal. You're gonna owe me money."
"In your dreams."
::::::::::
Three months later, just two weeks shy of her due date and after months and months of waiting without any sort of confirmation about the baby's gender, Ellie Jane Anderson-Hummel came into the world screaming her little lungs out, her proud fathers cooing over her full head of hair and bright blue eyes.
"Told you we were having a girl."
"We'll have to watch your butt growth when we decide to have the next one cause you're having it."
Blaine sighed, carefully squeezing his way onto the hospital bed beside his husband and sleeping daughter. "We'll see." He reached out and brushed down a stray cowlick of hair on the top of Ellie's head. "Here's to hoping that your bodacious booty stays even though the baby's here."
"You are insatiable."
"I'm an ass man. What can I say?"
Kurt rolled his eyes, cradling their daughter a little closer. "If it stays, I'm gonna hold it over her head for the rest of her life. Look at this butt! You know who did this? You did, Ellie Jane. You did!"
"You're gonna mortify her. She'll never want to be around us because we'll be talking about butts and everything; we'll be those embarrassing parents that we feared ours were going to be."
"Good. I don't know how my parents didn't act like that anyway, especially if giving birth to me was anything like having this one. Worst pain I've ever felt; I'm definitely gonna hold that over her head as well."
"Well, at least you don't hold grudges," Blaine teased, kissing Kurt's cheek as he continued to stare down at his little girl. Beside him, Kurt yawned, the day's events finally catching up to him. "Anyway, I think you owe me twenty bucks."
"Kiss my ass."
"Totally planning on it once you're cleared to have sex again."
"Insatiable."
Laughing, Blaine nodded, helping Kurt lay down on the bed before he took Ellie in his arms and went to walk around the room with her. Within minutes, Kurt was fast asleep, looking as peaceful and beautiful as he ever was and Blaine took a seat across the room, kissing the top of Ellie's little head as he watched her nap in his arms. When she blinked her blue eyes open several moments later and tried to look up at him, he grinned down at her, booping her tiny nose with his finger. "Your dad so owes me twenty bucks."
A/N: I really have no idea where this came from. I was just sitting here working on the next chapter to What I Call Life and this wanted to be written before that so... let me know what you thought? Thanks!