(22)
Elizabeth woke the following morning well after the sun was up. She could see the light streaming in around the curtains and was surprised she had slept so late. Then she remembered how late into the night she had been awake. She felt her face growing hot at the memories. She glanced over and saw her husband was still with her. Even in her embarrassment she could not help but smile. Her aunt was definitely more correct than her mother on how it was between a husband and a wife.
She stretched then, and turned to her side. Propping her head on her hand, she watched Darcy sleep. He really was beautiful. She did not think she would ever tire of looking at him. She looked down his face and admired his neck, so little seen in the light of day. Then, to his strong shoulder and arm, which always held her so close and offered such comfort.
She felt herself blushing again when she realised that his arm was completely bare, and that he had never put his nightshirt on. She did not know how he could be comfortable, even after everything they had done. After last night though, she knew he was much less timid about them both than she was.
He had been so careful with her, going slowly and gently, offering encouragement when she hesitated. He never lost his patience, even with the awkward fumbling that came from the newness of it all. There had been discomfort and a little pain, but her aunt had been right there, too. Darcy had done what he could to ease her through the worst of it, always concerned for her first.
She knew now why she had not been able to feel as close to him as she had wanted to before, why she had felt as though she could crawl inside of him and it would not have been enough. They had been missing something, and now they had found it.
Elizabeth's eyes welled with tears at the beauty of it. How he had managed to carry his love for her through all she had said and done, she did not know. Many a lesser man would have never offered her a second chance. If they had married her, who would have been so patient? She knew that it was the woman's role to submit in all things, but he had never asked it of her. He had waited until her feelings matched his own, rather than engaging in an act that would have been hollow without them. What further proof of his respect would she ever need?
Her tears began to fall in earnest as her heart swelled with the incredible love she felt for him. The relief she found in knowing she loved and was loved by her husband was overwhelming. Theirs was a marriage that would not sink into indifference. She was extraordinarily blessed, to have a love such as his when her own behaviour had been so undeserving.
Darcy stretched and opened his eyes, saw that he was in Elizabeth's room, and smiled. He looked up to find her and was immediately concerned.
"Elizabeth?" he asked.
She tried, but was unable to speak. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her.
"What is it, darling?"
Rather than calming her, the feel of his protective embrace and his genuine concern made her weep harder, but she clung to him, easing his fears. It took several minutes of his gentle shushing for her to pull herself together enough to speak.
"I do not deserve you, nor the happiness you bring me," she finally whispered.
"Whatever do you mean? Of course you deserve it. Why would you think otherwise?" he asked in surprise.
Elizabeth pulled back far enough to see his face and spoke in a trembling voice, "I have judged you, doubted you, treated you with contempt, and you have borne it as no other man would have borne it. How could you continue to love me through it all?"
"Oh, Elizabeth," he sighed as he drew her back to him. "What have you said that I did not deserve? If I had treated you as a gentleman ought from the beginning of our acquaintance, you would not have had the opportunity to form such a negative opinion of me. I do not know what would have happened had you not been forced to give me a second chance. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve to be so happy with you when I coerced you into marrying me when you did not love me."
"But it was not coercion, and I love you now."
A powerfully warm feeling stole across him at the ease in which those words rolled off her tongue, but the niggling of guilt was still there.
"All ending well does not make the action right."
"You are too hard on yourself. I needed you, whether I wanted to or not, and you came to my aid. You did what was best for me, even though you must have known I hated you for it. It could not have been enjoyable to propose to a woman who had so soundly rejected you less than a day before, knowing she could only agree for material considerations."
"I deserved every uncomfortable feeling. It was humbling, but I needed to be humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception that first time, though I had done nothing to garner your favour. What do you think of me now, knowing that I had assumed my wealth and position would assure my suit while I scorned those who were fortune hunters?"
"I think myself very fortunate indeed, that you were willing to marry a woman who had essentially become one."
He made an annoyed sound that she could not quite identify and crushed her against him.
"You," he said quite forcefully, "are not a fortune hunter. You did not agree to marry me by deception, nor were you seeking your own gain. I was well aware that it was for your family, regardless of any hopes I had. I will not have you slight yourself for the sacrifice you made."
Elizabeth pulled away from him again, this time to bring her hands up to cradle his face.
"And you, sir, are not allowed to consider yourself anything less than honourable for the sacrifice you made in marrying a woman who despised you in order to save her from destitution. You are a good man, the best of men, and I will not be swayed to believe otherwise."
Darcy began to argue again, but Elizabeth would not allow it, placing a hand over his mouth with laughter in her eyes. It had felt right to confess her insecurities to him and reassure him in return, but she did not want to continue with such melancholy feelings on a day like today.
"Hush. There is no point in arguing over who is more to blame, as we are both prejudiced toward the other, as it should be. As the Bard would say, all's well that ends well. Besides, I can think of a much better use of our time."
With that, she uncovered his mouth and kissed him. Since Darcy had no objection to her suggestion, he returned her kiss with an equal fervency. Soon they were showing their devotion through actions instead of words, each eager to explore more of what they had discovered during the night.
Sometime later, as they lay curled about one another resting quietly, Elizabeth asked, "Shall we rise at all today, do you think?"
Darcy pressed his face further into her hair and replied in a muffled tone, "I would strongly prefer to stay exactly where we are."
"Do you not think our sisters will worry?"
"Our personal attendants know where we are, and can allay any concern."
"Are you not embarrassed that everyone likely knows exactly what we are spending our day doing?"
"We are newlyweds and I am a besotted groom. Everyone will understand. Besides, I finally have you in bed, I do not care what they think."
They were quiet for a while, and Darcy was contentedly drifting off to sleep when Elizabeth spoke in a contrite tone, "I am sorry that I delayed our wedding night."
"I thought we had decided to lay our guilt to rest," he replied in an exasperated tone.
She sighed, "I said that, yes, but I still feel -"
She was not allowed to finish as Darcy interrupted her with what could only be described as a growl, "You have nothing to feel guilty for. I could not demand what you were unprepared to give any more than you could pretend feelings for me that you did not have. If you will not let me punish myself for my treatment of you, then you are not allowed to do so, either."
They were quiet again. Elizabeth recognised the truth in his words, and she did not wish to dwell on low thoughts when they had so much happiness before them.
"Besides," Darcy quietly added, "you, my love, were well worth the wait."
Not knowing what to say but wishing to give back some of the euphoric feeling in her, Elizabeth pressed herself closer to him and replied with a simple, "I love you."
"I know," he said, "and it is incredible."
A/N: It's short, I know. I am still in the throes of crunch-time at work, but it's about to get better.