The Joys of Parenthood
Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic, so I'll be using my go-to MPREG explanation like I did in When We're Older aka the Reddin gene. The gene is based on the Reddin character from the 1994 movie Junior. You should really watch it if you like mpreg. It's a good movie, I promise (I also don't have any rights to it either!) I also don't really own anything mentioned in this except for the crazy storyline so... I OWN NOTHING.
[PROMPT: Blaine has a bit of an obsession with using his belly as a table.]
It starts off with a robot.
Blaine's sitting on the couch, stretched out and bored, his fingers poking at a small toy robot that he'd found earlier in a box of his old things. It's a toy from his childhood, one he couldn't stand to part with when he was first clearing out his room back in Ohio in preparation for his move to New York. The thing's been hidden in a box in the spare bedroom for far too long and that morning, when Blaine and Kurt had been at their busiest cleaning out said room in order to make a space for the baby's nursery, he found it again and hasn't let go of it since.
Now though, he's resting (Kurt's orders) while his husband finishes up the cleaning. He's so bored that all he can do is quietly admire the toy and wonder if the baby growing inside him will appreciate it as much as he did when he was little. Unconsciously, he sets the toy on the swell of his stomach and it's then that he notices that his growing belly is actually a pretty decent place to set things. The robot stands perfectly still on the crest above his bellybutton and Blaine smiles, wondering how much more he can sit on his stomach without things tipping over.
It's the beginning of a crazy obsession.
For weeks afterward, he spends his free time setting stuff on his rounded tummy, grumbling when some of the items happen to tumble off because they were just too big to fit or just not steady enough to stay. There are accidents with bowls, cereal spilled on his lap when the damn thing doesn't stay where he sets it, and accidents involving stacks of DVDs. One evening he even finds himself cursing under his breath when he can't build a pyramid of playing cards there either. It's not fair though. All he wants to do is use his damn bump as a table! Just once!
Then one night, it happens...
Kurt's made him a cup of tea to help soothe his stomach, which has been a little sour all day. He's miserable, tucked away in bed in a sweater and the shortest shorts he could slip on, one half of his body aching with heat while the other shivers with cold. It's weird, but he chalks it up to his pregnancy and ends up spending his day sleeping, only rising from the dead when Kurt kisses him awake and asks him if he'd like something to eat or drink.
"Just tea," he whispers, falling back asleep until Kurt comes back and places the tea on the bedside table. Blaine knows he's worried; Kurt's been nervous about the pregnancy since the day Blaine came walking into the living room with tears in his eyes and a positive test in his hands. However, Blaine's not about to worry him over something as little as an upset stomach, so he waves his husband off, promising that he'll call if anything's wrong.
Then it hits him.
The cup is just small enough to fit on his tummy, basically the perfect size for his experiments. Not since the robot toy has he been successful enough to get something to just stay there and he's itching for the accomplishment. He's seen pictures and videos of other expectant parents doing the same thing - balancing stuff on their bellies and showing off how cute it is. Blaine wants that too, wants that milestone so he pushes himself up, stretching his body out before he leans over and takes a sip of his tea. It's not too hot, just the right temperature for drinking, so he takes a few more sips before he decides to take the plunge.
Body in place, he balances the small teacup and lays it right on the crest of his bump, watching with wide eyes as it slowly starts to tilt to the front like it's going to spill down his belly and onto his bare legs. He's seconds away from grabbing it when it tilts back, settling to a complete stop right where he laid it... and then it stays there for good.
"Oh my god! OH MY GOD!"
His yells spill through the house and before he knows it, there's footsteps pounding down the hall, Kurt tearing into the room like a madman, eyes wild and fearful. He takes one look at Blaine, chest heaving as he struggles to breathe and all Blaine can do is beam at him, proud of himself, the excitement from his accomplishment written all over his face.
"Kurt, look! My belly's big enough to be a table!"
His husband freezes, eyes dangerously narrowing into slits as he stares at Blaine incredulously. He's speechless for a moment, like the words are stuck in his throat, then he finally speaks, his resolve breaking. "I thought you were in labor! Jesus Christ!" Kurt runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head as he paces the room, occasionally glancing over at Blaine to find the other man still grinning at him, his smile bright and childlike.
He looks so proud of himself.
"Jesus, ugh- Blaine... I just- you're so dumb!"
"But look at my belly! Look at it! It's like I don't even need a table anymore! I can use the bump inst-" Before the rest of the word exits his mouth, he gasps and then it's like everything's in slow motion. Kurt watches in horror as the still warm cup of tea bounces upward, quickly toppling forward before it rolls down Blaine's stomach and the contents inside spill all over his husband's naked legs.
"Oh my god, Blaine! Are you okay?!"
Kurt runs across the room, grabbing a dirty towel from the hamper before he's skittering onto the bed and wiping at the spilled tea. Blaine stares at his stomach in shock, like he wasn't expecting the teacup to move and as Kurt's panicking and sopping up the tea, Blaine presses a hand against his belly with a smile. "Oh-"
"Are you burnt? The tea was still hot! Oh my god, Blaine! You're in shock, aren't you?! I knew letting you keep that damn cup on your belly was a bad idea! God!" The flustered man rambles on, hands still pressing the now dampened towel all over Blaine's legs and the bedding. He's about to yank Blaine's wet shorts off to check and make sure he wasn't too injured, but then Blaine's grabbing at his hands, yanking them upward until they're resting on his now bared tummy. "Blaine, what are you-"
He stops.
The baby's kicking hard, little fluttery thumps of movement against his hand. For the millionth time that evening, Kurt's shocked to silence. For the longest, the baby had only moved around enough that only Blaine could feel it. The movement inside wasn't strong enough for either of them to feel outside, but now it is.
Now it is.
"She kicked that over, didn't she?" Kurt sputters, laughing as he stares down at his husband's stomach and the still spilled over teacup. "You little brat!"
"I didn't think she would. She's never kicked that hard."
The men sit in silence, reveling in the moment until it finally catches up to Kurt and he looks up, breathless. "Oh my god, Blaine... I can feel her."
"I know." Blaine leans in, kissing the top of his honey's head, resting his forehead against Kurt's as the other man marvels at the kicks against his hand. They sit together, just relishing in the feeling of their child moving and then Kurt leans in to give Blaine a kiss, grimacing when he moves in a little too close and presses right into the still soaked portion of their mattress.
"Ugh. Do you see what you've done?"
At that, Blaine chuckles, shoving Kurt playfully as he pushes away and goes to roll to get out of the bed. Once he's up and moving, he starts pulling his tea drenched clothing away from his body, flashing a look back at his husband while he does so. "Okay, you cannot blame me for that. The baby did it! It's her fault."
"Blame the baby? She's not the one who put the teacup on your stomach, doofus."
"Don't argue. She shouldn't have kicked it." Shimmying out of his shorts, Blaine steps out of the wet garments and starts heading towards the bathroom, his naked hips swaying as he flirts with Kurt and then disappears into the bathroom, calling over his shoulder as he climbs into the tub, "It seems that my unborn child caused me to spill my tea and now I need a shower. Oh what ever shall I do all by my lonesome-" He giggles, not able to help the snort that leaves him when Kurt throws a house slipper at him. "Hey! You could've taken me out, dick! Are you getting in the shower or not?"
Kurt looks down at the gross puddle of tea on the bed, thinking about the stains it's going to leave on their bedding, so he yanks the whole pile of fabric from the bed and drops it on the floor, quickly going to strip out of his clothing before he's running across the room and hopping into the shower with Blaine. As he slides into the spray behind his pregnant husband, he wraps his arms around the shorter man and kisses his neck, nuzzling Blaine's hair as he rests his hands over Blaine's belly and smiles at the feeling of their baby kicking.
Yeah, there was probably gonna be a horrible stain on their bed and he was probably gonna have to scrub the hell out of their mattress in order to salvage it, but the pounding of their child's movements against his palms remind him that there are more important things in the world than being mad about the small things.
Well, until he feels Blaine move his hands and all of a sudden, there's a shampoo bottle in their place, his husband now trying to use his stomach as a shower caddy.
"Blaine, no. Hell no."
A/N: This is based on a prompt I was sent on tumblr. It's also inspired by some adorable art by the artist tacogrande. I have the link to the picture on my tumblr page. If you can't find it, just message me on here or on there! Thanks for reading!