The Joys of Parenthood

Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This chapter is MPREG, so I'll be using my go-to MPREG explanation like I did in When We're Older aka the Reddin gene. The gene is based on the Reddin character from the 1994 movie Junior. You should really watch it if you like mpreg. It's a good movie, I promise (I also don't have any rights to it either!) I also don't really own anything mentioned in this except for the crazy storyline so... I OWN NOTHING. No reality tv names or anything of that sort. NOTHING.

[Prompt: Kurt's stuck on bed rest after a pre-term labor scare. Bored out of his mind, he finds something to do.]

Apparently seeing stars isn't such a good thing.

Not the kind of stars that you see in the magazines or the ones you see in the sky, but those weird kind of blotchy pops of color that creep behind your eyelids when you've shut them after you've been bombarded by a flashing camera. Except this time, these stars are something you see when your eyes are wide open and you're in the midst of having a conversation with your boss and a very, very important fashion designer... oh, and you're a little over seven months pregnant.

Yeah, definitely not a good thing.

Those kind of stars can get you into serious trouble, especially in Kurt Hummel-Anderson's case. Because the night he swayed on his feet and ended up falling into the arms of fashionista superstar Gia Giordano was also the night that he ended up on bedrest for the remainder of his pregnancy with strict orders to not overextend himself with work or anything of that sort. Because that night, he almost went into pre-term labor and not only did it scare the ever living daylights out of him, but it also terrified the partygoers and Kurt's ever-attentive husband Blaine, who swore up and down that it was his fault this all happened, as he was off getting the two of them some refreshments when he should've been watching his husband more carefully. His words, not Kurt's.

(And no matter how many times Kurt told him that it wasn't his fault, Blaine still seemed to believe it, only hushing whenever the obstetrician finally explained that the accident was caused due to Kurt's blood pressure being low and that there was nothing Blaine could do about that.)

So now Kurt was stuck at home, confined to his bed or the couch. The only freedom he had was the few precious minutes each day when he'd shuffle his pregnant self to and from his choice of lounge area and the bathroom for a potty break. Once he relieved himself, it was back to the sofa or back to the bed to lay beached like a whale on the sand, his body feeling bloated and achy as he struggled to find a comfortable spot to lay in. For weeks, he'd been bedridden, only allowed to move around to go use the restroom or to sit at the kitchen table and eat (and that was only when Blaine was around - all other meals were eaten in the living room, his butt parked in front of the tv.)

The days were long and lonely since Blaine was busy at the studio recording music for his upcoming album. He spent lengthy hours there and at his other job teaching piano and voice lessons for an after school program nearby. All his time went to making more money for their growing family, but it wasn't like he was the only breadwinner. Kurt still did little things for Vogue, working on their website and doing conference calls with his co-workers. Plus he sketched and hand-sewed various things that his interns would pick up and deliver to wherever they needed to be. It wasn't like Kurt was completely useless; he worked too, just from home.

Of course, being stuck indoors was also a huge downer. Yeah, their apartment had a patio, but it was such a tiny space and he wanted to move! There were days when the weather would be perfect for a walk in the park or for a trip into the city for dinner and show, but Blaine didn't want to chance it, worried to death that the second Kurt stepped out of the apartment, he'd collapse and something terrible would happen to their baby. (Kurt thought about that too, but then he wondered if he could just get a wheelchair or something to cart himself around in. Anything was better than being stuck inside 24/7. However the thought would soon become fleeting and he'd let it go after a while, content to just wait it out until their baby was born.)

The only major plus side was that Kurt was able to catch up on tons of shows he missed. Thanks to his DVR and their various subscriptions to on-demand movie and tv show channels, there was never a moment when he couldn't find something to devote his time to. On the days when he had no work at all to do, Kurt allowed his heavy form to sink into the sofa, body propped against the cushions to protect his aching back and hips while he vegetated and watched another episode of America's Most Smartest Model.

It was about a month after the incident at Vogue when things started to overwhelm him in a different way. An afternoon of watching A Baby Story left him panicked over the fact that he and Blaine had yet to discuss baby names. Mostly everything else was ready for their child: the nursery was painted and decorated, the baby had enough clothes and diapers to last for quite a while thanks to the kindness of their friends and family, plus Blaine made sure that they packed their bags early just in case Kurt went into labor before his due date, so those were ready too. Basically everything was good to go... except the baby's name. Because they had nothing. Still worried, Kurt curled up on the sofa that morning with a churning belly and his pregnancy pillow carefully tucked between his legs and wrapped around him. Blaine was off at work so he was left to his own devices and while he thought about browsing through baby name books without his hubby, he just couldn't bring himself to crack open one of the heavy things without feeling exhausted already. So, he settled down to do his same old, same old: television watching.

Hours went by, his mind focused on a trashy reality show he picked to watch yet again (it was one of his favorites and a go-to in his book.) Occasionally he got up to pee or get something to eat, but most of the time, he watched his show and rubbed his belly, talking to the wee one growing within him about the drama that played out onscreen. "Promise me that you'll never fake tan so much that you turn orange, okay? If you bronze well in the sun like your Daddy, then that's fine, but if you so much as think of using a tanning bed, I may just have to disown you. I promise you that."

The baby kicked at his hand, somewhat annoyed with his words, and Kurt chuckled, patting his stomach fondly. "Fighting me already, hmm? I see how it is. You must be just like-"

And then it hit him, right smack dab in the gut in the form of a baby kick.

"Oh, you are good," he mused to his tummy, pushing himself off of the sofa to find a pad of paper and a pen. It took a few minutes to dig through his desk, but soon his hands were on the prize and he was back on the sofa, the pen flying across the notepad as he scribbled down things, his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth. Now inspired, he pulled the baby name books closer to him and began sorting through them, writing down whatever he liked as a sinister grin spread across his face.

Blaine was gonna love this.

::::::::::

The apartment was quiet when Blaine walked in the door. He shed his jacket and kicked off his shoes, stretching his tired body as he made his way down the hall and towards the living room. Surprisingly enough, his pregnant husband wasn't anywhere to be found, at least not where Blaine expected him. The sofa was barren and the tv was shut off, cool to the touch whenever Blaine pressed his hand against the screen, curious to whether or not Kurt had even been in the living room at all that day. Now a little worried, he continued on through the apartment, on his way to the bedroom... which was also empty.

"Kurt?" He called out, now even more distressed than he was earlier. Their bed was crisply made, no sign of Kurt having been there either, so red flags began flying up all over the place. Where was his husband? Was he okay? Did something happen? Panicked, Blaine whipped his phone out of his back pocket and double checked his messages, frowning when he noticed that the last text he received from his husband was over two hours ago and it was about dinner. Kurt said he had dinner covered and to not worry about it.

Did something happen in regards to dinner? "Oh my god... Kurt?! Kurt, are you here?"

"On the balcony," a voice called back and Blaine tore down the hall, heart racing in his chest as he threw the sliding door open and rushed onto the patio. His husband was lounging on one of the chairs outside, legs kicked up on a foot rest while he gazed at the city skyline and the way the sun began to set behind it. "It's about time you got home. I'm starving."

"Oh my god, Kurt! You can't just scare me like that. I almost had a heart attack!"

His husband shook his head, smiling slightly. "I'd hope not. I'd rather you not have heart problems too. It's already in my genetics. We need you to at least be good on the old ticker front so our baby at least has some chance." Rubbing his hands along the swelling of his belly, he locked eyes with Blaine and grinned some more. "Sorry for scaring you like that though. I needed some fresh air and I thought it would be nice to have a picnic, so to say. It's nothing like putting a blanket down in the park or having a meal at the beach, but it'll have to do. I did make everything though and don't worry, I sat at the kitchen table the whole time."

It wasn't until Kurt mentioned food that Blaine noticed the small picnic setup that sat on the side table between their two chairs. A couple ham and cheese sandwiches were sitting on paper plates, sides of sour cream and chive potato chips as well as chopped salad were plated alongside them. Two frosty glasses of root beer sat melting behind them and there were even a few chocolate chip cookies plated for dessert. It was an adorable spread and Blaine blushed at the thought and time Kurt put into it. "Oh honey."

"We haven't had the chance to do something like this in a while, so I thought why not?" Smiling, Kurt leaned up into a kiss as Blaine pulled him into his arms for a moment, ending the smooch with another kiss to the belly.

"It's wonderful. Thank you, honey."

"Now, sit down! I busted my butt making these sandwiches and I know you're hungry because I am too, so let's eat!" Together they enjoyed the meal, polishing off the rest of the food in no time, Kurt licking his fingers free of the cookie crumbs and melted chocolate that stuck to them. Blaine watched him lovingly, amused at his husband's precious self, and then he cleaned up the mess, allowing Kurt a moment of rest while he threw away their garbage and swept the balcony clean of any breadcrumbs or potato chip mess.

"That was yummy, sweetheart. We should do this more often."

"Yeah," Kurt murmured as he watched his husband take a seat; he ran his hands down the length of his belly and smoothed his shirt over his bump. "We won't be able to have much alone time once this little brat gets here."

"I know. But I'm so ready for it! Fatherhood's gonna be awesome."

"Tell me about it. I can't wait until they're here so I can dress them up in all those cute little outfits we got them. Plus we'll get to watch them grow up and become their own little person. I think that's what I'm the most excited about."

Blaine was starry-eyed, lost in the dreamy sight of their unborn child growing up. "We'll get to see who they act more like. Whether it's you or me. Like if they want hairspray or gel in their hair. Or if they like ascots and scarves over bowties!"

"Or if they'd rather eat their pizza with their fingers or cut it up into little pieces with their knife and fork like some weird people do."

Scoffing, Blaine turned towards Kurt with a hand on his chest, an affronted look on his face. "Excuse me, but you think my quirks are endearing!"

"I do. But I really hope they eat pizza like us normal folk do. I don't think I can tolerate watching our child chop up every little bit of pizza into small pieces like they're eating a steak. Nobody has time for that." He paused, chuckling. "Except for you, honey."

"You do have to admit though that we will have to make all their food bite-sized until they're old enough to handle everything on their own. So I'm gonna have to slice up their pizza into little bits and you can't say a thing about it!"

Kurt's smile brightened, "Yeah, but it'll be for the safety of my baby. Not because that's the way they prefer it."

"Hey now. My mom cut my food into small pieces when I was little and I've always preferred it that way."

"Your parents also made sure that you and Cooper had impeccable table manners at all times. Remind me to ask Cooper how he broke himself of that because he's messy as hell. But anyway, I was raised by my dad and you know how he eats. Plus I lived with Finn." At the mentioning of his brother, Kurt glanced down at his belly, his eyes watering as he felt the ever present ache of missing Finn wash over him. Noticing how quiet he'd gotten, Blaine reached over and covered Kurt's hands with his own, leaning in to press a warm kiss against his cheek.

"Finn would've taught them so much. We'll definitely be telling them loads of stories about him and if they decide that eating pizza involves folding it in half and calling it a pizzaco like Finn did, then I'll gladly support them in their endeavor to make food as weird as it can possibly be."

"Because that's what Finn would've done."

"Definitely." Lost in their thoughts about their family member, the couple sat quietly for several minutes more, their hands still interlocked while they stared out at the evening sky and watched as the reddish-orange hue of the skyline faded into a soft purple. The baby fidgeted beneath Kurt's touch, twisting its small body around enough that both of its fathers could feel the movement and Blaine sighed, pushing the side table out of his way so he could pull his chair closer to his hubby in order to snuggle. "I love you," he breathed, nuzzling his face against Kurt's neck.

"I love you too. I'm so glad we decided to start a family together. I can't wait to see how our child is going to turn out."

"They'll be amazing, just like you."

"And you."

"If you say so," Blaine laughed, giving Kurt a kiss before he pulled back and frowned. There was a book on the ground beside his husband's foot, one that he hadn't noticed before but was just now spotting. "What's that?"

"Oh! That's the main thing I wanted to talk to you about today! I completely got sidetracked though. Sorry." As carefully as possible, Kurt leaned down, using his foot as leverage to lift the book up so he could grab it. Once it was in his grasp, he gave a triumphant cheer and pulled a few pieces of looseleaf paper from inside, handing them over to Blaine. "Baby names! We haven't even discussed a name for this little one yet."

"We've discussed names-"

"Yeah, but not for this child. We talked about names a long time ago when we talked about having kids in general. This one needs its own selection of names and while I was sitting around today, I thought of some. I thought I'd run them by you. Then you can tell me some of yours and we can compare or agree to disagree. Whatever comes first." He poked a finger at the list, his grinning widening. "So check it out and let me know what you think."

Blaine studied the paper in his hands, eyes scanning down the page as he took in Kurt's scrawl and the many names written on the page. There were tons, each different than the last and as he read them, he found himself growing confused over the list. Because some of the names weren't anything he ever saw Kurt liking for their kids. For someone else's kid? Yeah. But theirs? Ummm, no? "Kurt?"

"You should read them out loud. See how they sound on your tongue before you completely veto them. I promise. It'll help."

Nodding, Blaine looked back at the list and started reading the names aloud, "Okay so, we have: Teresa, Caroline, Danielle, Jacqueline, Melissa, Amber, Kathy, Dina- honey, these are all feminine names. We don't know what we're having yet."

"I know. There's other names on there. Keep reading."

"Umm... Jake, Brad, Ben, Sean, Juan Pablo? Kurt, are you-"

"Keep reading."

"I just can't see any of these names for our child," he ignored Kurt's quiet grumble and shuffled the papers again, opening his mouth to continue reading, "Anyway, we have Michael, Jennifer, Paul, another Nicole, Angelina, Ron, Samantha, Vincent-" Blaine paused again, his thick brows furrowing in the middle of his forehead as he squinted at the words scrawled beside that name in particular, "-but we can call him Vinny for short? Kurt, what in the world-"

Then he got it.

Wide eyed, Blaine turned to look at his husband, now noticing Kurt practically vibrating in his chair as he cupped his hands over his mouth and struggled not to bust out laughing. There were tears in his eyes and he looked thoroughly amused with Blaine as well as pleased with himself.

Blaine rolled his eyes, "Oh my god. You butthead! This isn't a real list of baby names! You just wrote down the names of reality stars!" He pointed at the first names he read off, "These are the Real Jersey Housewives!" The next set, "These are some of the Bachelor contestants!" And the last, "The Jersey Shore cast too? Jesus, Kurt!"

At that, Kurt burst out laughing, hands falling to curl around his stomach as he cracked up over his practical joke. Just watching Blaine's face go from excited to slightly horrified had him getting watery eyed from the start. To see the confusion blossom across his husband's handsome face made it all worthwhile and when he finally got it, it was like Christmas morning. Kurt was obviously the king of practical jokes; he deserved a pat on the back... and maybe a crown.

"You should've seen your face!"

"I can't believe I almost believed you. You really had me going, thinking that you wanted to name our baby one of these names!"

"I know!"

"I mean, they're all lovely names, but seriously, Kurt! I was so confused!"

"I know!"

"You are such a jerk."

"I know!"

Joining in with his husband's laughter, Blaine crumpled up the list and set it to the side to toss away later. Still giggling, he stood up and tugged Kurt to his feet as well, planting a messy kiss on his husband's lips before he ducked down and kiss the bump, murmuring quietly, "I don't care if your dad thinks those names are jerks. I'm quite fond of the name we're gonna give you, Juan Pablo."

"Blaine, no!"

::::::::::

The night grew dark and soon it was late, the city bustling to life below them while both Kurt and Blaine got ready for bed. Freshly showered and lotioned up, they brushed their teeth side by side and then Blaine helped his heavily pregnant husband climb into bed, hopping in beside him after the overhead light was shut off and the only sources of illumination were their bedside lamps.

"You know, I am really sorry that you have to stay home all the time. I know your boredom gets the best of you sometimes," Blaine whispered, hovering over Kurt as his hubby rolled onto his side, both of their hands cupped over the round belly between them.

"It does and it sucks royally, but I'd rather be cooped up in here than in the hospital, and I want nothing more than our baby to come on time and be absolutely healthy."

"That's what's most important."

"That it is," Kurt punctuated, tilting his head up for a kiss that Blaine happily provided. When they pulled back, Kurt smiled and reached behind his back, pulling a sheet of paper out from under his pillow. "Speaking of boredom, I didn't just make a joke list of baby names." He held out the paper, blushing under Blaine's intense gaze as the love of his life took the sheet and opened it to read for himself.

"Oh Kurt-"

"I know we haven't discussed names and I know you haven't had a chance to look through the books yet - or at least as thoroughly as I have - but I just thought I'd jot some names down and then when you're off this weekend, we can go through them together. I'd mostly like us to at least talk about some names because I only have a few weeks to go and after 37 weeks, it could be game time at any moment-"

"And you want to be prepared," Blaine finished, his eyes not once leaving the list.

"Yeah."

Glancing up, Blaine stared at Kurt, his gaze shimmering with unshed tears. Most people wouldn't believe that moment to be very emotional, but it truly felt that way - at least to him. Because here was his beautifully brave husband, homebound and struggling, bored and sometimes lonely, still blooming with strength and love... and it was an astonishing sight to behold. He was always in awe of Kurt, but now that they were expecting their first child and he got to see just how much stronger Kurt really was? It was amazing. "You're just- god, I love you." Blaine exhaled, letting the paper fall between them as he gently cupped Kurt's face and lowered him to the pillows on his back, deepening the kiss. Kurt's hands wrapped around Blaine's waist, holding him closer as they pressed against the mattress and stayed that way for a few minutes, Kurt finally pulling back to catch a breather.

Above him, Blaine's face was wet with tears, but he was smiling in that way that always gave Kurt goosebumps. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm amazing actually. I just love you so much."

"Enough to bring you to tears?" Kurt joked, using his thumbs to brush away the moisture that collected on his hubby's cheeks and chin. "Mmm. I love you so much too. I can't wait to see you as a father."

"Same goes for me about you."

"We're gonna be good dads, I think. Working our way up to great and then super. But we'll start out good."

Blaine laughed, his voice still wet with emotion. "Yeah. But I think we'll hit great status from the get go if we don't name our baby after someone on reality tv."

"Definitely."

"You hear that, Snookums! We're not gonna name you that! We're gonna give you your own name instead of blessing you with a reality star name!"

Kurt snorted, "Honey, her name was Snookie. Not Snookums."

"Oh. I forgot. I haven't watched that show in a while."

"I can tell." Fondly rubbing his belly, Kurt let his hand rest over a spot where the baby was actively moving. "Let it be known that even if we don't name this rascal Snookie, they are not going to be spending their teen years in a tanning bed. I just won't allow it. They'll just have to embrace their beautiful snow white skin like I have. Porcelain isn't that bad. Porcelain can be beautiful."

Listening to his best friend (love of his life, father of his child, etc.) muse about their child's future appearance, Blaine slowly lifted his husband's sleep shirt and ran his fingers along the smooth stretch of belly before him, kissing its warmth softly before he laid his head there and shut his eyes to the feeling of Kurt's fingers scratching along his scalp. He thought about Kurt with his easily sunburnt complexion and the tiny freckles that covered his face, shoulders, and arms; about his hair and how its blonde highlights came out fully in the summer time and how his eyes looked like the blue sky, everchanging. He imagined their child with those same aspects, that same look that astounded him every single day.

Blaine thought about a child with the same personality of Kurt: that headstrong, somewhat stubborn, sharp-tongued, witty nature that took Blaine's breath away every single day. He didn't care if their child didn't come out looking like him at all, as long as they were healthy and thanks to Kurt doing whatever possible to make sure their growing baby was alright, things were looking good. Hell, in Blaine's opinion, Kurt deserved to have their baby coming out looking and acting exactly like him. It was the least the fates could do... or something like that. But no matter what, Blaine felt incredibly in debt to his husband for giving him such a gift and being so humble about it. Kurt could've been mad that he was basically bedridden, could've been pissed off that he was dealt yet another shitty hand in the card game of life. But instead, he was the best at what he could be. He was courageous, he was funny, he saw the best in their situation, and Blaine was sure he'd never been more in love with him than he was now... and that love was sure to grow even more whenever their baby arrived within the following month.

Smiling to himself, Blaine opened his eyes and glanced up at Kurt, not surprised to find his husband starting to doze off, the hand that was once in Blaine's hair now resting on his bare stomach. Kissing the stretched, porcelain skin of the baby bump, Blaine pushed himself up and kissed Kurt's forehead too, pulling Kurt's shirt down before he turned off both bedside lamps and snuggled down into the blankets with his husband.

"You're beautiful," he murmured into the night air, wrapping his arms around Kurt in a protective embrace, the baby kicking against his arm, not yet asleep and, seemingly, ready to party. "And you too, Snooks. Go to bed; no fist pumpin' tonight."

A/N: It's been a while since I've written anything mpreg related, but I'm slowly heading back into my groove. I've been working on the next update for Two Steps Back as well as that damn epilogue I promised you guys for My Baby's Got a Secret so hopefully I'll have those up and posted soon. TSB has a whole outline dedicated to it now because I lost focus writing it, so I hope it'll be completed before this summer ends. We can only hope. Anyway, I'm still accepting prompts for any sort of daddy stories or mpreg and you can request them on here or on my tumblr. If you liked this, please leave a review - especially if you like mpreg!Kurt because I'm never sure how many of my readers actually like him over pregnant Blaine. Thanks for reading!