"Eli! No, please wake up," a familiar voice cried out. Was this heaven? No, no, no. I would never be in heaven. I didn't deserve to be. I should be in hell right now. But if that was the case, then why did it smell so sweet and delicate, kind of like the way Clare smelled? No. She didn't die, did she? She couldn't have. I killed myself. I was no longer on earth… and I'd never see Clare again.

I never thought about my death much, up until the last couple months. I never pictured it being like this, though. I thought of it more painful.

I started opening my eyes, seeing a blurry version of Clare.

"Eli!" she wrapped her arms around me.

"W-where am I?" I stuttered, seeing more clearly now.

"The hospital," she said, holding my hand. My eyes opened wide. I didn't die. I was still alive. I can't do anything right, can I? I can't even kill myself.

"I'll explain," Clare went on. "I didn't really believe you when you said a cat scratched you; the scratches didn't look like something a cat would do. So, I went to your house. Your dad let me in after ten minutes of telling him I just needed to get some notes from you. He told me where your room was. He didn't bother taking me there himself. I knocked once, then came rushing in, finding you in your bathroom, with a knife in your stomach, and lying on the floor.

" 'No!' I screamed when I saw your body. I thought you were dead, and I'm guessing you tried committing suicide. Anyway, your dad walked in, along with another girl.

" 'What the hell?' he yelled, but his eyes shot real wide after he saw you. I grabbed my phone with shaky hands, calling the police. They came, and took you here. This happened yesterday, and I've stayed here since. I'm not going to leave until you're better." She started crying again. "I don't like you doing this to yourself, Eli. I love you, and I don't want to ever let you go."

I bit my lip. "I'm so sorry, Clare."

She reached for my arm, feeling a few of my scars. "What's been going on with you lately?"

"It all began that night of the dance," I admitted. "I guess after that, I just couldn't take anything anymore. My dad didn't help either. I hate him. I don't want anything to do with him. He doesn't like me at all. With all the stress of Fitz, my dad and everything else, I guess I just broke down, and couldn't take it anymore. So, I found everything sharp I had and began cutting myself."

"Doesn't that hurt, though?" she asked, holding my hand.

"I suppose. But it makes me feel alive when I do it. I feel relief, like I do have a reason for living. But after a while, the scars add up, and then, it made me feel worthless and dumb. That's when I grabbed a knife, and well, you know the rest."

She leaned closer to me and kissed my lips.

"Mr. Goldsworthy," a doctor came into the room. "There's someone here to see you."

Clare pulled away and a woman with long black straight hair came into a room. My lips formed a smile when I saw the woman come closer.

"I'll let you two be alone," Clare said, then walked out of the room.

"Mom," I whispered. "Mom, I missed you."

"Oh, Eli!" she said, tears falling down her face. "I missed you, too." She held the same hand Clare was just holding.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Your father called me last night at about midnight. I came rushing in. I'm so glad you're alive, but so sad that I almost lost my one and only son. Someday when you're a parent, you'll understand how I feel right now."

"Dad's getting married," I told her.

"I know," she breathed in. "We're getting a divorce. He doesn't want you to live with him anymore." She patted my head a few times. "So, I was thinking about moving back over here, so you could stay in Degrassi, and be with Clare." She smiled. "She's a very pretty girl."

I smiled back. "I know."

"Mrs. Goldsworthy," the doctor came back in. "I'd like to speak with you."

"Okay." She got back up, and Clare appeared. She sat next to me and lay down, holding my hand.

"I love you," I whispered into her ear.

"I know," she turned her head, facing me. "I love you, too."