A/N: Hello to my lovely readers; Thanks to all of you new readers who alert and fav my story. Leave me a comment from time to time. I love reading you.

Additional info to my readers. My mother tongue is French. My ultimate goal is to master the language. I try to write a text with no mistakes. If ever there are mistakes, please excuse-me. France

The characters belong to S.M…She is a very talented author. In HOPE, the characters belong to me.

HOPE

Chap.8

GUILTY CONSCIENCE

EDWARD

Fuck…What would I do now?

I was attracted to Isabella…I mean really attracted to her.

She was beautiful, she was clever and she was a real fascination for me.

And, she was hiding so many things.

And, she would hate me when she would know the real me.

I had three choices now; not seeing her anymore, but I couldn't.

Seeing her and lying to her…not a good choice either.

Seeing her and telling her the truth…

But she would hate me. I was not a good guy. I was a bad guy.

She hated abusers, she hated drug dealers, she hated intimidators and I was all of them.

I was an abuser. I knew it; having these girls working for me and selling their bodies as merchandises.

I was a drug dealer…not selling hard drugs….but selling weed.

I was an intimidator--not the way I was in high school--but the way I was manipulating and recruiting the girls was a kind of intimidation. The way I was using my charm and my power was intimidation. The girls couldn't resist me and I knew it.

The money I earned was dirty money; stealing cars, stealing houses…the drug…the sex. I was a pimp…like her own father and my girls were prostitutes.

I was face to face with my own guilt now.

And this time, I felt trapped.

I felt guilty and bad.

What could I do?

For the first time of my life, evidently apart from my life as a young child, I was completely lost.

Isabella had goals in her life…I mean real goals.

Not like me…My goals were to make money, to be respected and to be feared.

I was protecting my girls, as long as they did what I wanted them to do.

I didn't love them, though they thought I did. I loved the power I had on them.

But with Isabella it was not the same.

I was not in love with her yet, but I already knew. I already felt that I could fall in love with her. And I wanted her in my life; if not as a girlfriend, at least as a friend.

I listened to her while she was talking about school; the light in her eyes.

I listened to her when she was talking about her intention of becoming a social worker.

I listened to her when she was talking about all those kids who were neglected and intimidated and abused…and then, I could see the rage in her eyes.

And she would track the abusers down and denounce them.

She would track me down and denounce me; because I was an abuser.

I knew I was fascinated. She was always on my mind; I texted her almost every afternoon. Just to have some news from her…and I called her, just to hear the sound of her voice.

I saw her even before our 'date' to the museum.

One afternoon, I texted her.

E: Hi, Bella. This is Ed.

E: What are you doing?

B:I am doing my homework.

B:I don't understand that shit.

B:Trigonometry.... I hate it.

B: Who cares about theorems?

E: I can help you, if you want.

E: I am very good in maths.

B: Are you sure? …It's boring as hell.

E: I would be glad to help you

B: Well okay then.

B: We could go at the Tim Horton.

B: Angela doesn't allow us to have men in the house.

E: I would invite you to my apartment

E: But some of my employees are here.

E: I am going to pick you up in half an hour.

B: Okay Edward, see you…and thanks.

E: My pleasure…see you.

I went with Bella to Tim Horton and spent the afternoon with her.

I explained to her the Pythagoras' theorem and we worked on different problems.

I explained her that in any right triangle, the area of the square whose side is the hypotenuse (the side opposite the right angle) is equal to the sum of the areas of the squares whose sides are the two legs (the two sides that meet at a right angle).

"It's Greek to me". She said. Can you make it simpler?"

"Okay…let's do the equation…See that figure…a…b…c…

I wrote the letters a, b and c, on the legs of the triangle.

"See…the sum of the areas of the two squares on the legs (a and b) equals the area of the square on the hypotenuse (c).

We did it with many diagrams.

And she finally understood it. That girl was very clever. And there was this light in her eyes. It made her face absolutely radiant.

Then, there was an afternoon when I wanted to see her. I was longing to be with her. I called her and asked her if she wanted to watch a movie with me.

"Hey, Bella…It's Edward. What are you doing?"

"I just finished my homework and I am reading". She answered in a musical voice.

"Do you want to go to watch a movie?" I asked her.

"Yes, I would be delighted to go out. What movie would you like to see?

"Well…I don't know. Do you have any idea?" Is there a movie you would like to see, Bella?"

"Yes…I would like to see 'Avatar'. Some students at school saw it, and they were clearly enchanted."

"Okay, then…Let's go and watch 'Avatar'. I am going to pick you up around 3:00."

"Okay, Edward…See you at 3:00"

"Bye, honey…See you later"

We went to watch the movie. It was really beautiful. The effects were amazing. Bella loved it too.

Around 6:30, I drove her back home. I had a pleasant afternoon with Bella. Every time I was with her, it was fantastic. And I wanted to see her more often.

But there was that dark cloud over my head. She didn't know the real me. We kept avoiding talking about painful subjects. And I kept avoiding talking about my job.

And I was feeling guilty… guiltier than ever…But now my bad conscience was always with me; wearing down my heart and my mind.

I had a meeting with the gang tonight. Jake wanted to expand his territory; meaning selling more drugs to more people, recruiting more girls, stealing more cars and breaking into more houses.

I had to talk to him. I didn't know what to do.

There was no problem leaving the gang as long as we kept our mouth shut; the law of Omertà was something to be respected.

Peter was no longer in the gang. He had left nine months ago. He felt in love with a girl whom I had recruited for the gang.

She was working for him. Peter was her pimp. In fact, more her protector than her pimp, but gradually, he was not able to see her going to meet guys and have sex with them.

He wanted exclusivity. He was falling in love with her and she was falling in love with him too.

One day, he talked to Jake.

Peter told Jake that he was in love with Sue. She was pregnant with his child. He was sure because she didn't have sex with any other guys for about seven months, except him and when Peter decided to talk to Jake she was three months pregnant.

Peter wanted to give his child a normal life. He wanted to give Sue a normal life. No way was he going to be a bad father and a bad boyfriend…And he wanted to marry her as soon as he would be able to buy a house.

Jake accepted but he reminded both Peter and Sue about the law of Omertà; as long as they would keep their mouth shut…everything would be fine.

We heard from Peter from time to time. He was back in school and working in a bar during the weekend. They were living with Sue's parents. Sue was working for her father. And they were the parents of a baby boy.

Sue had not been a neglected child. She was just a rebellious teenager who wanted to live her own life. That was why she was on the streets when I found her.

She was not attracted to me either. She just wanted to have a roof, clothes, money and freedom.

And she didn't mind sleeping with men; as long as she was the only to choose the men she was sleeping with.

She wanted to be free using her body the way she wanted.

The first time I met her, she was doing a blow job to a man in a car.

I waited for her, not very far from the car till her job was done.

As soon as she went out, I walked toward her and began to talk.

"Hey, beautiful…Don't you know it is dangerous to be alone in a car with a stranger? I asked her.

"First of all, how do you know this guy is a stranger? Maybe he is my boyfriend?"

"He certainly isn't your boyfriend. I know this guy…and I know him well."

"Anyway…Why do you care? This is absolutely none of your fucking business." She almost snapped at me.

"I can help you, if you want." I tell you…it can be very dangerous out on the streets."

"I've been living on the streets for the past six months and nothing happen to me yet."

"Let me help you. I can. I know some people who would be willing to help you". I added in a smooth voice.

"Yeah…Who are those peoples? And by the way what is your name? Mister-I-come- from-nowhere-and-I-want-to-help-you."

"I am Edward Masen"…And what is your name?"

"My name is Sue." "So…I repeat my question…Who are those people?"...and she added, not giving me the time to answer to her question.

"Are you a social worker? Are you a policeman? ...Certainly not…You would have arrested me…And if you are a social worker…I am not following you anywhere…I like my freedom, I don't like rules."

"I am not a policeman…far from it…I am not a social worker either." I said.

"So…What are you? Are you a pimp?" She asked me.

I had never met a girl so direct in my life; no beating about the bush with her.

"Yes, in fact I am…" I said, staring and smiling at her.

"Well why not…I am tired to sleep on the streets. It would be fun sleeping in a house for sometimes. And…another thing Masen…don't try your power of seduction on me. It won't work. I sleep with the guys I want. So…and I am not impressed at all by your body, or by your eyes, or by your smile. Dazzle someone else…and I must tell you, you are not my type at all."

That is how I got acquainted with Sue. She was not my type either but it would be fun having her with the gang. She was hilarious and very independent. Let's see how the guys would deal with her.

And they loved her. She established her rules as soon as we were in Jake's apartment; no drugs and no sex with any of them. She was willing to work for them but she would choose her own clients…and she added…"That is how it is with me…Take it or leave it…That's it…that's all…"

Jake accepted all her conditions. We all loved her but Peter loved her more. He loved her enough to marry her someday.

It was now time to go to the meeting. All my girls were out, working.

I drove my car to Jake's apartment. I wanted to have some time with him alone.

I was a real bunch of nerves. Isabella was always on my mind and I was in complete darkness.

If I decided to leave the gang…What would I do after? ...And who would take care of my girls?

I could buy the apartment for them. I had enough money to do it.

But what would they do? They had no money. They had no instruction.

I was feeling guiltier when I was thinking about it.

I certainly could go back to school.

I was almost nineteen years old and I was a quick-learner.

I had enough money to rent my own apartment and to pay my school fees.

I would have to find a job as well; working day time and going to school at night.

It certainly could be done.

Maybe my parents could help me…Loan me some money…Maybe they would if I showed them that I was ready to live a normal life.

I arrived at Jake's apartment and luckily for me, he was alone.

As soon as Jake saw me, he offered me a beer.

And he noticed there was something bugging me.

I guessed it was written on my face.

"What's going wrong Edward? Some problems with your girls?"

"No…the girls are fine…It's me who is having a problem. I don't know what the fuck to do."

"What's going on Edward?" Tell me."

And I began to talk about Isabella. How attracted I was. How she captivated and fascinated me. How different she was. How beautiful and clever she was.

"It doesn't seem a problem to me Edward. You always succeed with girls. Use your charm and ask her to work for you."

"That's the problem Jake. I don't want her to work for me. I want her…in my life…but not like that."

"Are you in love with her Edward?"

"No, not yet…but she is so different. I hardly know her. I met her two weeks ago.

"I saw her first at La Stanza where she works. I went to the restaurant the next day and offered her a coffee after her shift."

"So…How did it go? Jake asked.

"It was not easy. She had a very painful childhood and she doesn't confide in people easily. That I can understand. I don't like to talk about my past either."

"And what else did you talk about?"

"She talked about school. She is completing high school now and she wants to go to Cégep and to University. "

"Well…well…She is different. None of our girls have completed high school, and what does she want to do after?"

"She wants to be a social worker. And…now….Jake…Fuck…She hates abusers, she hates parents who neglect kids. She hates intimidators. She hates drug dealers and she hates pimps. Her father was a pimp and her mother a fucking crack-addict and a whore."

"And that is what I am; a fucking abuser, a drug-dealer, an intimidator…and a fucking pimp."

"Edward, you are not an abuser. You are protecting your girls."

"I am Jake. I am. I earn my money because my girls are sleeping with clients. Don't you see it? They are merchandises for me. I abused them through the clients I send them to….I am a living shit."

"Now, Edward…You are very hard on yourself."

"I am not. I can't endure it anymore. I can't see my own face in the mirror. I must tell you. It is not only because of Isabella. That guilt I have inside is not new to me. I keep pushing it deep inside me… But now…I don't know…I hate my life…I hate myself."

"Do you want to leave the gang, Edward?" Tell me."

"Yes…I think I do. I am so fucking tired. But what will happen to my girls? They love me. They will suffer. Who will take care of them?"

"May be I could buy the apartment for them. I don't know what the fuck to do" Jake…What can I do?"

"Calm down now Edward. Can you pay the rent for six months? You will need your money if you stop your business and if you stop working for me. I am going to take care of your girls. I promise. I always loved you Edward and I still do. You are a brother to me…But don't forget you must not talk about us…ever…You don't mention our names."

"I don't know what you are going to tell Isabella. I don't think you can hide what kind of business you were doing but she must not know that we were related ever…The law of Omertà should be respected.

"I know Jake…I know…I would never betray the gang. You were a family to me. I don't judge you. How could I? I disgust myself right now and I don't even know if Isabella would want to see me after I tell her what kind of guy I am."

"Good luck Edward…and please call me from time to time. I will miss you bro."

"And please Jake take care of my girls. Don't let anybody hurt them…" I am going to talk to them tomorrow and I will leave the apartment and get my own place."

"What do you want to do after?" Jake asked me.

"I don't fucking know. Maybe I would go back to school. I'll take a few weeks to think about it. I will certainly have to find a job as well…and maybe I'll go and see my parents."

"Are you seeing Isabella soon?"

"I saw her again today. We went to watch a movie and I saw her last week as well. I called her almost every afternoon. I have to talk to her. I have to see her…Jesus-Christ…She is always on my mind and we keep avoiding talking about our past…and I don't know how she will react when she will know all about me.

"And I am seeing her again on Saturday." Wish me luck, Jake." I don't know how she will react." I am so afraid to lose her. I just hope she will listen to me." "I know she won't approve. She certainly will hate me."

"Take your time Edward…You don't have to tell her every thing on Saturday. Tell her about your childhood first. How painful it was…and then when it will be the time, tell her more."

"Thanks Jake…" I love you."

"I love you too, Edward. Hope it will work for you."

End of chapter 8

I hope you loved this chapter. Now Edward will face a new reality.

It was easy enough leaving this gang…but let me tell you…it is not always that easy.

Jake respects his gang and they respect him as well. In some gang there is no respect.

As long as the members shut their mouth…everything is okay with Jake. They can decide to leave and live their own life.

Now…What will Edward do?

How will his girls react? They love him.

And how will Isabella react? Right now she thinks he is a nice guy.

But when she will know what his job was and how he used his power to seduce girls, I think she will realize that a first impression is not always a good one.

**Additional info about the law of Omerta. It all comes to one word; the law of silence. Never should the business be discussed with people who shouldn't be aware of the business. In Jake's gang, as long as the business stays within the gang, it is okay. No names should be said. If one member is arrested, he must keep his mouth shut and he can't denounce the other members. Every member of the gang must be a man of respect…not a rat. It is cowardly to betray a member of the gang and if a member is arrested and he betrays…it is not accepted.

Jake has a boss too and his boss works for other people. It is a kind of little mafia.

Edward can talk to Bella. He can tell her that he was a pimp and a drug dealer but nothing should be related to Jake's gang…ever.

Tell me what you think. Give me love and review.

Love you France xxx