A/N: Hello to my lovely readers. Thanks for your support. Thanks to all the new readers who alert and fav my story.

My mother tongue is French. My ultimate goal is to completely master English. I love English. I try to write a text with no mistakes at all. If there are mistakes in this chapter, please excuse-me. Love France

The characters belong to S.M. In HOPE, they belong to me.

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HOPE

Chapter 13

JOY AND PAIN

Oh sometimes I wonder

Will you be my shoulder?

If I cry

Would you comfort me?

Will you love me forever?

And will you take me like no other?

Cause no I can't say

What's in your heart?

And I wonder baby, will you stay with me?

Now I've lost my disguise

So I'll just put it on the line

Think I've found what I wanted

For so long now

I wonder…Bobby Bazini

EDWARD

I woke up very early in the morning. Today was the beginning of a normal life for me; as far as I was going to have a real job and that I would receive an honest salary for it. I was impatient to receive my letter of acceptance from the Cégep as well. I hoped I would get a positive response from the mail this week. I thought about my last afternoon with Bella. God, was I a real pack of fucking nerves. The questions she asked me on my way of treating the girls. If I ever had beaten or threatened them; there was no beating around the bush with her. I could never lie to Bella. She was good in reading people's attitudes and I would never lie to her. Her question startled and shocked me a lot. I thought pimps or men who beat girls were just fucking bastard cowards. Never, ever would I raise a hand on a woman. And the parents who mistreated their kids were monsters as well. Just the thought of it made my stomach rolled nauseatingly.

I was so fucking happy that Bella wanted to give me a chance. I didn't know how to deal with my new feelings too. I knew I was in love with her; the intense heat I could feel in my heart, the blazing fire running into my veins were emotions so new to me. I had never been in love before and I was freaking out.

I knew she was not ready for more than a friendship but I was hoping for more; and as I had always thought, lovers should be the best friends in the world. Bella was my friend. I wanted her to be my best friend and I wanted her to be my girlfriend as well.

I was a very patient guy. I think that was my best quality. I would give her the time to appreciate me, to know me better. I would give her time to think things through. Maybe some days, she would realize that I was a really nice guy and that she would fall for me.

And if that happened, I knew that I would show her more patience than ever. I loved sex but I knew that Bella had been raped, and that this atrocious event had left very painful marks deep inside her. I would give her the time to completely trust me. I would show her that making love to a person, whom you were really in love with, was the most delicious intense feeling two persons could share.

My cell phone buzzed. I took it. It was a text from Bella.

B: Hi Edward

B: I am at work

B: Are you hungry?

B: Come from breakfast

B: Not too crowded this morning

Just reading these simple lines, my heart began to flutter and to beat unevenly. Jesus-Christ, she wanted to see me.

I texted her.

E: Taking a quick shower

E: I am hungry

E: See you soon

E: Miss you xxx

I almost ran in the bathroom. I took a shower, washed my body and shampooed my hair, rinsed thoroughly and towel dry.

I shaved and tried to make my hair looked a bit less messy. It was always in so much disarray. It was absolutely a lost case. I didn't like to put gel in it, so I let it dry and went to dress.

I put my boxers on, a pair of black jeans, a green tight-fit long sleeves sweater, black socks and my Doc Martens. I took my cell, my wallet, my keys, my black leather jacket and my sunglasses and walked out the house.

Ten minutes later, I was in the restaurant, and Bella welcomed me with the most beautiful smile I had ever seen on a girl's face. She was absolutely fucking radiant. Her hair was in a pony tail swinging from side to side as she was walking. Fuck…wasn't she the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen in my whole life?

I followed her to a table and sat on the chair.

"Bella, you are so beautiful this morning."

"You're looking pretty good yourself Edward. How are you?"

"I am fine; in fact, more than fine. I am so happy you texted me. Seeing you, so soon in the morning, makes my day a great day."

"Well thank you Eddie…Oops…sorry."

"You can call me Eddie if you want." I added, with a smirk.

"So Eddie", she added, laughing. What would you like to eat?" -eggs, bacon?

"Eggs and bacon would be okay with me."

"Okay, back in a few."

I looked at her when she was walking to the kitchen. Fuck, the way she was swinging her hips made my cock twitching in my pants and screaming for release. Hey, calm down you…We've got a long way to go before we can touch her. Now I was talking to my hard-on massive wood…Absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Bella came back with a glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee.

"Here you are sir." She said winking at me.

"No sir, Bella please. It makes me look like an old man."

"Okay sir…Eddie. She added laughing. And you look fucking sexy for an old man.

I started to laugh. My girl was in a good mood today. My Bella…though she didn't know it yet. Please God, you know I love this girl. Help me. Jesus, I was talking to God now. What the fuck was going wrong with me?

She came back with my breakfast and a newspaper.

"Enjoy your breakfast, and here is a newspaper for you. Read what is going on in the world. I'll come back later."

"Thanks Isabella. Come and see me once in a while."

"I will Edward. I am serving you, remember?"

"Yep," I added, popping the 'p'. You are the best and the most gorgeous waitress here this morning."

"Are you flirting me sir?"

"Yes, I think I am."

She ran her fingers in my hair and walked to another table. My cock was straining and twitching in desperation in my jeans. I would have to take care of it later; my balls were very near to explode. I tried to calm myself; my cock was sending naughty thoughts to my brain. But it would be my own hand on my dick. No girls were to touch my dick ever again, apart from Bella.

When Bella finished her shift I asked her if she wanted to come and take a walk with me. We were in the middle of December but the outside temperature was fairly mild for this time of the year; strange country here. I mean, the country was beautiful but the weather was like in the beginning of fall, not at the end of it. There was no snow on the ground yet and there were trees that still had beautiful coloured leaves on their branches. It was quite unusual. Normally, at the beginning of December, the snow already covered the landscape; not this year.

Bella happily accepted to spend the afternoon with me. I was beginning to work at 19:00 so it would give us time to spend few hours together.

I drove the Volvo to the Mount-Royal. It was a beautiful mountain. I parked the car and we slipped out. We saw many hikers, families with young kids and lovers.

I took her hand and she didn't make a move. I guessed it was okay with her that I held her hand while we were walking. People were certainly thinking that we were dating and God did I wish that this beautiful girl was my girlfriend.

The conversation was pleasant. There was no embarrassment between the two of us; no secrets, no mysteries and all the pressure that was in my chest was gone up in smoke.

"Isn't it magnificent Edward?" No snow yet. This is a perfect weather to be outside. You know, fall is my favourite season among all. I can't believe that there are still leaves on the trees. Look at all those colours; from golden yellow to blazing orange, from red to deep crimson, from light green to emerald green. This is really a masterpiece. If God is a painter, this is truly his most magnificent work of art."

"I do love autumn as well Bella. I like to breathe the air. It seems purer that in any other season. And I do agree with you. There is nothing equal to this splendour."

The sun was bright in the afternoon sky; the light reflecting on Bella's hair, eyes and face enhanced the peach complexion of her skin, the brilliance of hair and made her eyes sparkling like onyx.

God, this girl was perfection. She didn't realize how the simple pressure of her hand in mine was affecting me; my pulse was jumping in my veins just by her delicate touch. I held her hand tightly and my skin burnt even more.

I brushed my lips on her hair. The scent of her hair, a mix of lavender and lilac was so fucking sweet-smelling.

I took a deep breath, wanting to absorb every single ounce of her perfume.

"Are you sniffing me Edward?" Bella asked, a mocking smile on her lips.

"I guess I am Bella. You smell so good."

"You smell good too Edward."

She ran her fingers through my hair. Fuck, my blood was rushing though my veins. My heart was pounding so fast and my balls were very near exploding.

Never a girl affected me like Isabella. It would be very hard to control myself. Her single presence made my heart burning into intense flames.

It was almost 16:00. The sun was setting down and it was time to go. I didn't want to leave her but I had too. I had to take a shower and to take care of the beast that was straining my jeans. I didn't want my balls to turn blue.

"Bella honey, I have to drive you home. I have to take a shower and eat something before I go to work; evidently not telling her that my balls needed some kind of release. I'll try to call you tonight during my break."

"Okay Edward. I loved my afternoon with you. I love every single minute I am with you."

"I enjoy being with you. You are my favourite person in this world. You are my best friend…You know that don't you?"

"I know Edward. You are my best friend too."

I drove her home; my fingers tracing small circles on her knuckles. A friend could do that couldn't he? At least, she didn't try to move my fingers from her hand.

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BELLA

I had a wonderful time; being with Edward was pure pleasure.

Fuck…I was so attracted to him. It would be hard to stay friends. I knew I was in love with him. I knew it and I was fucking scared.

I couldn't resist texting him in the morning. He was always in my mind.

When he walked in the restaurant, I felt that weakness in my knees. Sweat was running down my spine. He was so fucking gorgeous. He looked like a Greek God. He also had that bad boy look; his black leather jacket and his Oakley sunglasses on, his black jeans and Doc Martens. Jesus-Christ, he fucking looked like James Dean but in a sexier way.

The walk in the mountain was absolutely, incredibly pleasant. All that splendour surrounding us and the simple fact of spending time with Edward enhanced every single colour that was in the wood. The sun was brighter; the colours in the leaves were more vivid- even the air seemed fresher.

That was the look of love. That was the look a person in love had; seeing every single thing shining with more brilliancy. I knew it. I never had been in love before. And I was really freaking out.

There was that burning flame radiating through my cells. My heart was a wild fire.

When he was holding my hand and grazing my knuckles, I could feel a jolt of warmth in the pit of my stomach and something else; a pulse in between my thighs. Nothing compared to my resentment when the shadow was touching me. And that was what was really turning me upside down.

I had to control myself. It was much too soon. I already knew that Edward was in love with me. At least, he said that he was falling for me. And the way he was looking at me, the way he was touching my hand, his lips brushing my hair and smelling my perfume were not something that usually was going on between mere friends. But, I was so fucking afraid; if I declared that I was in love with him…what you happened next? I knew what would happen. How would I react? Giving my soul and my heart to someone was a thing; giving my body was another thing. I was not ready for that. My experiences with sex were bad ones. Just thinking of being touched, just thinking of someone's cock filling my inside was repulsing me. When I was living on the streets and doing blow jobs, I was disgusted. I did it because I had no choice. Even a tongue in my mouth, I didn't know what would be my reaction. I already had kissed Edward, just on the mouth. His lips on mine were so soft. That was not repulsive; but what about all the other things? Making love to someone who was your boyfriend-sharing that kind of intimacy…Was it something beautiful after all? I didn't know it. All I could remember about sex was pain and disgust…and fear.

I was not able to concentrate on anything. Edward was in my mind, the shadow was in my mind and fear was in my heart. Maybe, it was the time for me to get some help. Maybe I could talk to Carmen Cope. Someone had to help me to come out of the darkness. I had never talked to anybody about the despair and the rage I had deep inside me…regarding sex…I had to spit it out. I couldn't keep the venom that was ravaging my inside. I had to talk to Carmen; for my own mental health and for Edward too. I knew I had to do it.

I took my cell and dialled Carmen's number.

At the second ring, she answered.

"Carmen Cope speaking."

"Hello Carmen. It's Bella"

"Hello darling. How are you?"

"I don't know how I am feeling right now."

"What's going on Bella?"

"I need to see you. I met this guy. I think I am in love. I know I am in love."

"Well, that is great honey. I am so happy for you. What is going wrong Bella? If you are in love"

I cut her in the mid-sentence.

"I am freaking out Carmen. I am so fucking afraid. We are just friends but I know he loves me and I know I am in love with him too. But I am so fucking scared. When it will be the time to make love to him… I don't know. Sex is disgusting me. The shadow…Fuck... Do I hate him? What he did to me? I am so devastated. I never ever talked to anybody about the hatred and the violence that I have in my heart. Edward has nothing to do with the resentment I feel for the shadow. Jesus-Christ, I am so lost. I have to talk to you. I need help."

"Calm down Bella. True…Edward has nothing to do with the shadow. I will help you hun. You need to sort this out-For your own good- When do you want to see me? Do you work tomorrow?"

"I do and I have school tomorrow night. I have nothing to do in the afternoon."

"Okay, come to my office tomorrow afternoon. I will cancel the meeting I have. You are my priority."

"Thanks Carmen. Thank you so much."

At least, Carmen would help me. She would listen to me. It was time to spill the beans out. I knew it would be painful. But I had to talk about it; for my own good and for Edward too. I had to let the venom out. There was love in my heart…The love I felt for Edward. There was no place for venom in it. I had finally found my happy place. Edward was my happy place. I wouldn't tell him tough; not yet. I would let the rage out and let peace fill my heart again. The sun was finally coming out. A wind of hope was blowing the dark clouds away.

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End of chapter 13

A/N: I hope you liked reading this chapter.

The song is from Bobby Bazini. This guy has an absolutely marvellous voice. His album is incredible. He is twenty years old and he is a Canadian…a Quebecer just like me…His songs are a mix of –soul, blues and folk—His album is called Better in time. I am absolutely sure you will love it.

Tell me what you think. Bella and Edward are in love but Bella is not ready to tell Edward. She has so much to deal with it. She is so afraid of her new feelings and she is terribly scared about anything dealing with sex.

Give me love and review. I love reading your comments.

Love you France xxx