Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no money from this work. Anything recognizable to the Final Fantasy VII series and its associated parts belongs to Square Enix and affiliated companies.

Green Dreams

Chapter Eleven: The Best Heroes are Tragic

The worn steeple of the church stood tall amidst the rubble of the slums, an emblem of a Midgar long gone. The roughly hewn stones were cracked and dirty but still standing, broken in places but unbending under the weight of the years. Cloud stood in the deep shadow cast by the flying buttress at the front of the church taking it in, feeling his heart brimming with unsaid emotion. Nostalgia choked him for just a moment, reminding him of the peaceful days he had lived here in the comfort of Aeris' memory and her beloved flowers.

A part of his soul floundered in agony though as he stared up at the two towers, one broken one not, aching. This place was a sanctuary, an untouched haven, like a painting in his memory. It brought feelings of relief and worry to his heart. Dare he touch it, reach out and potentially shatter the image, and if he did, would it be ransacked?

Flowerless?

Or would it still be the place of his reprieve, the answer to the voiceless questions and pleas he pitted to the Planet? What if she wasn't there or she didn't remember him? Could he take the confused expression, the polite smile and the way she might watch him warily like he was deranged? Could he put himself in that position?

Cloud gritted his teeth, overcome by doubt and annoyed by it. He couldn't prepare for this meeting and had no idea what to expect and it made him unaccountably nervous. No matter how many questions he had, he had to do this; he had to know.

He strode up to the heavy front door and paused, trying to hold on to the hope that things would work in his favor despite the clamoring fears. He traced just his fingertips along the wall, the barest of touches. "Optimism is the foundation of courage," he murmured to himself. Vincent might have smirked as he said it, as if he didn't quite believe in his own words, but Cloud knew it meant something.

One of the thick wooden doors was ajar and quite heavy when the blond pushed it open, and he marveled at how much more effort it took. He couldn't remember it ever being so difficult. The grinding sound of wood on stone echoed through the building as Cloud took a step inside, leaving the door open behind him. No one lived around here. For some reason this place had been spared from the ravaging of the slums. Aeris' church was like its own sanctuary in Midgar, so different than the rest of the city. There was a peace that settled there, delicate like the wings of a bird, but protective.

There was no one inside the main room, though it was obviously not abandoned since the ground was swept and the air was fresh. The roof still had the same missing boards where streams of sunlight made the dust dance. Cloud tentatively put his hand out into one of the beams near him, his lips curving into a brief smile as his hand began to warm. It was a small reminder of how this place had once been bathed in sunlight; the way Cloud remembered it after Meteor.

The flowers were in their same spot, growing next to the wooden pews and climbing up the wall like ivy. The whites and yellows of the blossoms were illuminated softly as they turned their faces to the sun. Cloud walked through the pews to the miniature field of flowers, admiring the bright colors, the vibrancy that brought this church to life. Some had creeping patches of brown from age, other looked back up at him, fresh and young. Carefully, almost afraid to hurt them with his heavy boots, he stepped into the patch. The flowers seemed to crowd around his feet, the dirt invisible under all their petticoats of petals. Cloud stood there in the flowers, admiring the way the light and shadows teased each other, until a shadow of a woman stood next to his own.

"Hello." Her quiet presence had always been with him, but to now feel her standing so close to him was almost overwhelming. Cloud had wanted this so badly, needed to know that she was there, still the Aeris he remembered, forgiving, welcoming, and compassionate. He did not turn, did not react immediately, just waited for the dream to break apart and shatter.

"Um…is everything alright?" Her soft hand reached for his shoulder, resting there carefully. Cloud could feel her fingers curling into the material and knew how the pads were delicate and soft like her flowers, the nails clean despite the gardening work, and he could feel the fragility in her grip. He turned slowly until Aeris' green eyes met his own blue.

It was the same as in the field, the same when they were in AVALANCHE, and finally after in his mind. He was both surprised and ready to see her alive. Part of him had never let her death go, even while he knew she forgave him and never blamed him. To see all of that in just a split second in her face was a little overwhelming for the blond.

"Hello." Cloud's voice was a little rougher than he intended, but she still smiled at him all the same. He could feel a little color rising to his cheeks as she curled her lips up like that with just the hint of her teeth showing. He didn't have the faintest idea what to say. Every question he intended to ask, all the confusion, it seemed to have fled the moment she touched him.

"Would you like to buy a flower? It's only a Gil." Her hand was still on his shoulder, friendly, almost motherly. He relaxed his muscles under his hand, letting the tenseness flow away.

Aeris was as beautiful as he remembered and he could hardly believe that she was there before him. Her pink dress was faded to a warm hue, spots of it thin and washed out from being worn so often. Her boots were stained with dirt from walking in the mud outside, and the laces were worn and broken. Her brown hair was full of curls, as if a child's nimble fingers had twisted them, and her eyes were warm. She was the epitome of innocence, of simple joy and good things.

Cloud, to his horror, could feel a sharp burning behind his eyes. It had been so long and now, looking upon her lovely face, he could hardly conceive how he ever went on after her death, how he could ever be forgiven for letting her die.

Her beautiful face turned down into a concerned frown. "Are you alright? Do you need to sit down, Cloud?" Her voice was gentle as he let himself be guided into the pew behind them. Before his feet the flowers unrolled like a living carpet, and he found himself staring hard at the gentle swaying of the petals as he fought back tears. He shook his head when Aeris asked if he wanted any water.

She closed her smaller hands around his and he looked up again. Her smile was radiant and pleased. "I'm so glad you've come, Cloud."

Her happiness was contagious and he could feel his lips twitching up into a soft smile in response to her own. Her laughter was like a wind chime. "Oh Cloud, there is more out there for you. The grim expression of a soldier isn't for you yet."

Confusion was the first thing that registered. She clearly knew who he was, even though in this time they had never met. But then, did she know about Sephiroth and the AVALANCHE she had been a part of? Did she know what had happened to him—what drove him, what had broken him, why he was always a soldier and nothing else?

"Aeris, I…"

She cut him off before he could say anything else. Her gentle hands squeezed his. "The Planet has to take this chance Cloud. This time things may not be so bad, not for everyone."

She looked to him eagerly as she said this, trying to impart something to him with her eyes. He stared back uncomprehendingly, the message not getting through. What was she trying to say?

Aeris shifted on the pew, using her free hand to shift her skirt a bit. He noticed the ruffled edges, how there was a small abrasion on her knee. He wondered absentmindedly where she had gotten it. Her other hand never left his. He swallowed quietly as she started again. "The Planet was sick and–"

"But the Geostigma was gone. We got rid of it," He cut in, sounding gruffer than he meant to. What was she talking about? Things were fine after Geostigma had been cleared up.

"Geostigma was gone Cloud, but that doesn't mean the Planet wasn't ill. So much evil…it clogged the Planet and there was nowhere for that kind of evil to go. The beautiful earth wouldn't be the same, and something had to be done."

Her eyes were brighter this time, wet with tears as her sentence tapered off into silence. The burning sensation behind his own had faded, but now he could feel it prickling at him again.

"The Planet sent me back in time." He meant it to be stronger; to sound surer of himself, but it came out in a whisper.

"Things are different Cloud, the future isn't set. What the Planet did was not only for itself, but for you and every life upon it."

"The Planet sent me back in time." He repeated it again, trying to wrap his mind around the inconceivable. The Planet was sick, so it sent him back in time. To stop it from becoming sick, from anything like Jenova's attack even happening. What about him, the hero of this twisted story? When did he get a rest? Or a choice?

…Or was that selfish?

He looked away for a moment, angry and confused and not sure where to direct the emotion. The sunlight was a little dimmer, the pews' wood harder and more unyielding as he sat on it. The mold on the wood and the holes in the ceiling were more visible than before. Every flower's color was paler, darker than he remembered.

She lifted his hand to her heart, holding it to her breast, trying to communicate something to him. "The future isn't set yet Cloud." Her hand tightened around his, her fingers squeezing his slightly. She leaned forward a bit into him and Cloud turned back, noting how fine her hair was, the subtle play of colors turning it from brown into a prism of chocolate hues. He was thinking abstractly, not clearly, he couldn't grasp what she was trying to say.

"What do you mean the future isn't set? If I undo what happened before, things will continue the way they should have?" It came out sounding more like a question than the intended statement.

She just continued to stare up into his eyes, imploring him to understand what she seemed unable to say. She was unnaturally still, leaning forward, trying to make the words come through with her eyes.

"Isn't that right Aeris?" He glanced away then. "Can't everything that went wrong be stopped from the beginning? Won't everything be fine then?" He could feel his voice cracking, the way his muted whisper had grown in volume, more frenzied as he spoke. What was she saying?

"No Cloud. The future isn't set," she repeated a third time. The tears began to dribble down her face, collecting on her chin then falling on their joined hands. He looked away bitterly, staring at the altar as hard as he could.

The Planet wanted him to stop Jenova. Again. He knew that. It would save Sephiroth and all those lives. Again, he knew that. He had anticipated that. But "the future wasn't set". What did that mean? Shouldn't everything be fine if he stopped the snowball of events that ended in the Planet's near-death before? Wasn't Jenova the cause of the Planet's illness? If he destroyed the monster before it could infect the world, then shouldn't that be enough? Cloud looked to her, eyes begging and desperate. Was the Planet kidding? After all he had done, for himself, the people, the world, couldn't it just be that simple?

"No Cloud." Her small voice was firm despite the tears, her hold on his hand tightened even as he tugged to try and free it. "Fate and the Planet are not intertwined. Your destiny is to be a hero, and if you don't do it the way it was done before, some other obstacle will be presented."

His shoulders were beginning to shake, and he could feel the way she held his trembling hand, how she tried to steady it even though hers shook just as much. His blood was running cold in his veins; his ears were starting to ring. Their clasped hands were the only part of the world that wasn't spinning.

Hero…

He couldn't go back far enough to escape the stigma, the disease of that word.

"You deserve peace; you deserve your deepest heart's desire." As she said it she moved his hand to his heart, holding it there where he could feel the erratic beating. "I'm sorry Cloud. Things will be different. I know they will be."

The hand she held to his heart clutched at hers tightly. There were so many things he wanted, so many things he had given up before that she was offering to him now. Sephiroth's image held in his mind first; then Zack's, Vincent's, her own, each flashed by him. The names on the memorial for those who died in Meteor, Marlene, Tifa, his mother, and all the people whose lives had been ripped apart.

He turned away from her, willing the tears to stay. Why was his life so messed up? He couldn't seem to live in peace long enough to make it last. Before he could pull away from her completely, she softly touched his chin, and then cupped his face in her palm.

"Cloud, you will have your rest. Lighten your heart. The moon and stars aren't always visible, but they don't leave you. The Planet won't leave you Cloud, and I won't."

Before he could protest she brought his head to her shoulder, rubbing soothing circles into his back as he fought off the overwhelming despair that so wanted to be wanted to crawl into her lap and cry, have her kiss the tears and shush him like his mother had done ages ago.

She smelled of wild flowers; of the wind in a meadow blowing gently into his face and brought the indescribably perfume of hundreds of different flowers. She smelled like the earth, the roots seeped in it, the stems climbing high, the buds and petals. He could feel the soft cotton of her dress against his cheek, the gentle slope of her shoulder. She smiled and hummed a comforting melody into his ear, but the awful sick feeling of hopelessness did not leave him. He felt as if he had swallowed something slimy and it sat in his stomach.

"I failed you before Aeris. I couldn't save you." He murmured it into her dress, but she didn't seem to have a problem hearing him.

"Silly." He could feel the playful smile bloom on her face. "I wasn't gone. And how many times have we gone over this? There's nothing to forgive."

He only shook his head into her chest before attempting to pull away. She unlocked her hands from around him after a moment and let him sit up.

"I didn't protect you, and you died, Aeris."

"No one said it was your job to protect me. Cloud, I know you feel responsible, but sometimes there isn't blame to be had. I'm alive here, isn't that what matters? Unless you're saying I'm a ghost right now." She giggled lightly, brushing his fears aside the way she might brush pollen off her dress.

He hesitated. "No, but–"

"Cloud. This is a new start; so let that baggage go. Exhale and all your guilt will float away."

She gestured with her hand for him to actually exhale, so he did. He felt a little silly, sitting there and releasing all his breath in one whoosh. He breathed in again, and the strangest sensation settled over his lungs and heart. It felt like dust, some kind of residue that had been collecting there unnoticed, had been dislodged. He rubbed his knuckles against where his heart was, reveling in the freeing feeling.

Aeris turned away from him with a smile, but didn't explain it. She stood up, smoothing out her dress, before lightly stepping into the cluster of flowers. Her boots matched the color of the dirt, and it made it seem as though she, like her flowers, had grown out of the earth. Perhaps she had. She approached the altar of the church where a weathered stone angel stood, arms upraised and face turned to heaven. "Thank you." She inclined her head to the angel and Cloud felt the breeze sweep by him as it delighted in playing with her hair for just a moment.

Aeris turned back to him. "Cloud, would you like to buy a flower?"

Cloud half-smiled before slipping off the bench and squatted before the flowers. "Yes. One please."

Aeris smiled happily. Carefully she waded through the ankle-high flowers, seeming to search for the perfect one. Gracefully she reached down towards one flower, brushing her fingers carefully over the petals before gently plucking it from the ground.

"Here you go." He handed her ten Gil before she could say anything, slipping the coins into her pocket. He cautiously took the blossom from her hand, admiring the delicate white color and how on the inside was a small ring of bright green. Two of the petals flopped over his fingers, rubbing their satiny texture against his skin.

He thanked her quietly, pinching the stem of the flower between thumb and forefinger and holding the delicate blossom carefully. She took his hand just as he turned away. "Cloud, some things need to be handled with great care."

Cloud stepped away as she released his hand, his mind turning over her words. He walked back down the aisle, her presence warm and serene against his back. He could almost feel her smile through his clothes, and just as he got to the doors he briefly looked back to smile at her.

Wall Market faded to the background of Cloud's mind as he headed back into the busy shopping center. There was a serenity he carried with him that made his mind clearer than it had ever been before. He glided around the masses of people fighting their way through the streets, his steps light and even. He felt as though he had lost twenty pounds, and if he had been a different man, he might have been smiling.

He wasn't exuberant, not the kind of happiness that made him want to shout and shake someone. It was far more powerful and deep, radiating in a part of him superficial happiness never reached. Everything around him seemed brighter: the faces of people as they walked by, the colors in the shop windows, the blinking and flashing signs. He felt like maybe he had only been partially in this world, and now the barrier had dropped. Everything had been a washed out picture before and someone had redrawn the lines of the world and made them sharper.

It wasn't a dream. Or a nightmare. It was a chance. It was far from perfect—Cloud had no desire to be a hero, because being a hero meant greater sacrifice than he might be able to stand. And Aeris hadn't said it would be better, but different. It was still a chance though, a chance, and he hadn't had one of those in a long time.

"There you are Cloud. Thought I lost you. I doubled back but couldn't find you. People said you left the way we came. Where'd you go?

Reno's familiar voice didn't even startle him, nor did the arm slung across his shoulders. He just turned to the redhead and waved his free arm casually behind him. "I didn't go too far. Just looking around. Where'd you go?"

Reno looked at him funny for a second, his bright green eyes—a totally different green than Aeris'—scrunched up as he gave Cloud a once over. "Just to the next sector over. I lost those guys pretty easily. You get laid or somethin'?" Cloud's posture was slacker than the redhead had ever seen. All the tenseness in his limbs had evaporated and there was even a flower in his front pocket.

"No," Cloud said quickly. The image of a man's warm skin against his own didn't disappear fast enough to escape the heating of his cheeks. "Just poked around. How did you run along the roofs like that?"

Reno looked like he didn't want to drop the subject, but after a moment he gave in and grinned. Cloud didn't look high, so it couldn't be too bad. Reno could take it in stride. "Called Parkour. It's nifty in the slums." He smirked at Cloud, a challenge evident in his voice. He knew what Cloud was going to ask.

"Will you teach it to me?"

Reno leaned back on his heels, tilting his head up to the sky as though thinking. His cockiness came back in full force. "Well… I could teach you, but what would you do for me?"

Cloud wasn't surprised at the comment. Reno only worked for himself. He could offer to show him some fighting skills. Or maybe promise to cover his back on some law-breaking venture Reno would undoubtedly go on. But what would Reno really want? Reno was still grinning at him as Cloud mulled over his options. Money?

"Look Cloud, don't think on it too much. I've only got some questions."

Cloud's whole body language changed at that simple comment. Reno was surprised by the way all the relaxed muscles had stiffened, how his light-hearted appearance seemed to morph into something closer to cornered prey.

Interesting…

"…Questions?" Cloud's voice deepened as he repeated the word.

"Yeah. Like what the hell Shinra's doing all over Junon. Or what the General's last name is. You help me out finding that out, and I'll teach you parkour." The redhead was aiming for casual confidence but he wasn't sure if he quite pulled it off. Cloud was still… off. Reno had more questions than those pertaining to Shinra, but if Cloud's reaction was anything to go by, those had to be saved for later.

Cloud did relax though, but the ease he carried himself at before was lost. The veins on the back of his hands were receding back into his skin from where they'd been standing out before.

Reno heard him exhale softly. "I'm pretty sure the General doesn't have a last name. And I'll only help you on three."

Bargaining. Fine, he saw how it was.

"Five. All Shinra related."

"Three and only if they're not related to the science section. That's too dangerous." Cloud's voice momentarily changed again, his tone far harder as he spoke the last words.

Bingo. Reno was willing to settle for three questions for that tidbit. Cloud didn't seem to think anything of his stipulation, but the redhead was suspicious that Cloud's mind jumped to the science department before anything else. Cloud definitely had a secret, and Reno was going to find out what it was.

"Deal."