A/N: Hello to my readers. Thanks for your support and your love.

My mother tongue is French. I don't completely master English, though I think I am improving. I try to write a text with no mistakes. If there are mistakes in this text, please excuse-me. Love you France xxx

The characters belong to a very talented author, S.M. In HOPE, they belong to me.

o*o*o*o*

HOPE

Chapter 14

I want to run but I'm stuck

In a nightmare so freaky

I want to fly

But it's cutting my wings off

And it kills me

And it's just freaky

I've been dreaming tonight

Of a violet tainted sky

And a black ship moving

In the middle of the night

There was a terrifying moon shining

There's a killer on the boat

And he may stone your soul

And you'll be forever haunted

Bobby Bazini…Freaky

SCARS PART 'A'

EDWARD

I called Isabella during my break. She seemed so anxious. I didn't like the sound of her voice. I could feel her pain and sadness.

"Hey Bella", it's Edward. How are you? Is everything okay?"

"Yes Edward. I am just really so tired tonight. I've been studying all night long. Just hope I will have good marks in the French exams tomorrow."

"I am sure everything will be fine Bella. Don't worry. I can help you tomorrow afternoon, if you want."

"No, I can't see you tomorrow afternoon. I have a meeting with Carmen Cope at 'La Mission Bon Accueil'. I need to talk to her; girl's talk…"

"You can tell me everything Bella. You know that, don't you? You are my best friend."

"I know Edward. But…this…I cannot discuss it with you. "

"Is something bothering you? Now, you worry me honey. I don't know, your voice is so different."

"Don't worry Edward. I just have to talk to Carmen. I am sure she will help me to sort

this out."

"Oh okay then. Call me tomorrow after your meeting with Carmen. Will you call me please?"

"I will Edward…I promise."

I hung up. I was really anxious now. What was going on with my girl? She was so happy this afternoon. I didn't believe that she was just tired. There was something more. I could feel it and now that I knew she was going to meet Carmen Cope, I definitely knew that there was something wrong. She had lived such a painful life and she endured so much. I was absolutely fucking sure that the shadow had something to do with the turmoil she was dealing with. I hated that beast so much. What he had done to Bella was something disgusting and absolutely monstrous.

I didn't have much time to dwell on those negative thoughts. The restaurant was really crowded, even for a Monday night. There were many University students celebrating the end of the fall semester and there were business women and business men celebrating Christmas with their employees and having a party before the Christmas Holidays.

The atmosphere was festive. It was around 11:30 and most of the people were in a highly happy mood; some of them drunk as skunks, others slightly inebriated. I had made a lot of tips up to now. Girls were really generous and some of them were absolutely crazy.

I could hear those girls whispering…"Fuck…Look at that sexy ass…-Look at those eyes and that face-I want that guy in my bed tonight…Some were whispering, but some of them were almost throwing themselves at me; alcohol affecting their behaviour.

I saw many cleavages that night; breasts brushing my arms when I was serving drinks, fingers in my hair, fingers running on my chest, on my back and on my ass cheeks. That was part of the job…well I thought so. They were doing the same with all the other bartenders who were working.

Even one of the bartenders kept touching me whenever I was near her; grazing my chest, rubbing her breasts against my back and touching my hair and my face. She even asked me if I wanted to go home with her after the night.

She smiled at me with an evil little smile and asked me to wait for her after the shift.

"C'mon honey…Wait for me after work. I am ready to perform whatever sex acts you want."

"Sorry Maggie…I don't think my girlfriend would appreciate". I didn't have a girlfriend yet but this…she didn't have to know.

I didn't have time to lose with any of those casual frivolities. I would never be available for any girls…apart from Bella. She was the only girl on my mind and my heart already belonged to her. I kept thinking about her from time to time. I was not interested in any fucking girls in this place. Even if some of them were fucking sexy and beautiful; none of them were as sexy and as beautiful as my Bella.

The boss was a really nice guy, more friendly than bossy. Marcus was a gay; as he told me. He owned this place with Alex, his boyfriend. I didn't have anything against gay people. It was their choice, not mine. He flirted with me a bit though but it was more naïve than provocative.

He told me that the first reason he employed me was because I was the sexiest guy he had ever met. He needed sexy asses serving the clients and that I had indeed the sexiest ass he had ever seen.

"I have eyes Edward…though my heart belongs to Alex. I am just appreciating the merchandise," he said, winking at me.

"As long as you keep your hands away from me…It's gonna be okay. Not that I have anything against gay…None of my fucking business."

"No problem with my hands Edward. Alex wouldn't appreciate it. See…He is watching me".

True—Alex was watching both of us but he was smiling. I was sure there was no big deal seeing Marcus ogling another man. As long as it was just appreciating the merchandise as Marcus told me.

I brought more drinks to clients. There were many people dancing and the band was really good.

It was almost 3:00 in the morning when the last client left.

We had to call 'Nez Rouge' for many of the clients who were too drunk to drive their cars. Nez Rouge was a special free service for inebriated drivers. They offered to drive the clients back to their houses. It was zero tolerance for drunk drivers and there were a lot of policemen on the streets, watching people and testing the alcohol level. The law was very severe and it was good. Marcus was really observant too. No way was a client allowed to leave the restaurant with his car's key in hand, if he was not in condition to drive.

I walked out of the restaurant with Alex and Marcus. They wished me a good night and I slipped in my Volvo. I turned the ignition on and drove slowly to my place. I was thinking of Isabella and how sad she sounded tonight. Maybe if I was able to get up earlier, I would go to La Stanza in the morning to see if she was feeling better.

As soon as I arrived at Ben's house, I undressed and took a shower. I texted Isabella and wished her a good day, telling her that I missed her. I soon drifted in sleep, dreaming of Bella, sleeping in my arms.

o*o*o*o*

BELLA

Jesus…Was I fucking tired…I hated those kinds of nights when my mind and my heart couldn't find peace and relaxation; those nights of restless sleep when the darkness and the pain were surrounding me. I was feeling so trapped in those negative emotions. Nothing could soothe my suffering…even thinking of Edward could not chase my sadness away.

Three things I was absolutely sure though.

First, Carmen would help me. I trusted her completely.

Second, I wanted to talk to her; no secrets, no beating around the bush.

Third, I was irrevocably and deeply in love with Edward.

Though he had that past that still disgusted me; A part of his past…not all of it.

I didn't want to worry him when he called me during his work. I knew I didn't succeed at all. I didn't want to spoil his evening with my own grief. But it was so hard to endure; my sad heart was speaking through my voice and I couldn't do anything about it.

I'd kept this horrid pain for myself so long. I didn't know how I dealt with it for such a long time. And now, loving Edward was making my heart shattered in thousand pieces.

It was not a heart anymore. It was a scar…a scar bleeding for the love I had for this man and the pain that was ravaging it.

And I knew that deep in my suffering heart, there was a part of it…in fact… all my heart wanted to be healed.

There was a long way to go through though, before my heart would be completely cured.

I wanted Edward to love me. I knew he already loved me.

I wanted to belong to Edward- in a way, I'd never belong to anybody else.

I wanted Edward to touch me.

I wanted Edward to own me completely; heart, body and soul.

And I was in complete darkness and so fucking afraid.

I took a shower and got prepared for work. I was like a lost soul…and it was worst than ever.

I walked to La Stanza, like an automat; me and my pain, hand in hand.

I walked in the restaurant and Edward was there, sitting at a table waiting for me.

I knew, he knew that I was devastated.

Just the way he was looking at me; the pain I saw in his eyes was the reflection of my own.

He stood up and took me by the hand and asked me to follow him outside.

There were thirty minutes left before my shift began.

I followed him.

As soon as we were outside, he talked to me.

"What's going on Bella? Please talk to me. Please…"

"I can't"

I pressed my face into my hands and cried. I couldn't control the tremors that were shaking my whole body; that pain in my heart, the tears burning my eyes, the knot in my throat and my stomach…Hell was back again…

The sun was bright in the morning sky but there was a dark cloud in my heart.

"Talk to me please Bella…Love…Talk to me."

A sob burst up through my lungs. My next sob was louder. I was crying for all the time I had kept my tears inside.

Edward snaked his arms around my waist. He pulled me tighter to him. My head was tucked under his chin. He rubbed my back with delicate gestures.

"Please Bella…Say something…I can't endure seeing you like this…What is going on my love? ...Oh Bella…I love you so much. Let me help you."

Tears were flowing down my cheeks in silence. I couldn't utter a single word.

Pain…pain…pain…so much fucking pain.

It took me awhile before I could stop crying.

It took me awhile before my heart began to beat normally.

It took me awhile before I could breathe; it was like my lungs refused to let the air in.

I finally calmed down…after what seemed an eternity.

"I…I love you too Edward…I love you so much…I am so fucking afraid; afraid of loving you…afraid of being loved by you. I don't fucking know how to deal with it. When you will want to make love to me…I don't know…I don't fucking know. I am so afraid of sex. Sex is disgusting. The experiences I had with sex were repulsive. And I know I want you in that way too. I want you to be the first one. I'd never made love to anybody before. I mean make love to someone I truly love. What the shadow did to me was not making love. He took me like the beast he was. He broke me. I hope I will be able to function normally again. Someday, I want to make love to you. I want to belong to you. Will I ever be able to give myself completely to you? Tell me…Will I be a normal girl again?"

"Shh…Shh…My love….I will never ever hurt you. I am not the shadow. I will take care of you. We will make love when you will be ready. I am not going to force you. I am not going to impose anything on you. There will be a time when you will be ready. We'll take it step by step. Do you trust me Bella?"

"Yes I do Edward. I do trust you."

"Is that the reason why you want to see Carmen this afternoon my love?"

"Yes…I do have to talk. The pain is excruciating. I have to open my heart to someone. I have to let the darkness go way. I cannot live with all those monsters that are still inside of me."

"I am sure Carmen will help you and I will too…We are in this together Bella… You and me…I will never fail you… I promise. I love you so much Bella. You are my favourite person in the world. You are my best friend and you are the woman I love. I would give my life for you. Always remember my love. There is no one on this planet who loves you as much as I do."

"I love you too Edward…Please be patient baby."

"Don't worry about me my love. I have a ton of patience and nobody is more important to me than you are. Heal your heart first…Everything will be fine…as long as you trust me and believe in me and in our love."

"I believe in our love Edward. I believe in you. My heart is already yours…What is left of my heart is yours".

Edward brushed his lips against mine. I pulled myself closer to him and pressed my lips against his till they were in perfect harmony. My first real kiss to the man I loved with all my heart.

This was not repulsive. This was heaven.

He didn't try to force his tongue in my mouth. He was showing me all the respect he had for me but still innocent our kiss was pure passion.

I finally pulled my lips away from his.

Edward cupped my face in his hands repeating how much he loved me.

And did I love this man ... Hope was in my heart now. Maybe I could chase the demons away. I had to…for him and for me.

"I better go inside Edward. I begin to work in five minutes."

"Are you okay Bella? Maybe you should go home."

"I am much better now. Don't go please."

"Where would I go my love? I am not going anywhere. I finally found my happy place. You are my happy place baby."

I walked in the restaurant, my boyfriend holding my hand tightly.

I had a boyfriend now. Edward was my boyfriend. I would do anything to fight for my love.

I was in a happier mood now. Edward was with me. Edward would fight for me. I was not in this alone.

I walked to the restroom to put water on my face. My eyes were swollen. I had cried so much. I took a deep breath and went to the kitchen to see Felix. He noticed that there was something wrong. My eyes were still red with all the tears that they had contained.

"Are you okay Bella?" Felix asked me in an anxious voice.

"I am now…Don't worry Felix. I am going to see your sister this afternoon. I need to talk to her."

Felix knew a bit of my past; not much. He knew that my life had been a real hard one.

"Are you sure? You can go home if you want."

"No I want to stay. Don't worry Felix."

"Has it something to do with Edward? He is nice with you, isn't he?"

"He is nice Felix. My boyfriend is a hell of a nice guy. It is me…I am still dealing with my past. That is why I have to talk to Carmen. Don't worry."

"Your boyfriend… uh? I am happy for you Bella. He seems a real nice guy to me."

"I love him Felix. I love him…more than anything in the world. I will do whatever I have to-to keep him in my life."

"Well hun, seems to me that Edward has been in love with you before you finally decided to admit it. The way he looks at you. I know this look darling; the look of love."

"Well, how about my eyes Felix? What can you read in my eyes this morning?" I added, laughing this time.

"Well, they are a bit swollen darling but there is a sort of radiance in your eyes hun. You are beautiful even if your eyes are a bit swollen."

"Thank you Felix. So how many tables this morning?"

"Just four Bella. And serve Edward. I know you are his favourite waitress here." Felix added, winking at me.

"I hope I am…I certainly am." I said to Felix.

The hours flew fast. As soon as I was not too busy, I was at Edward's table. His cup of coffee was never empty. And every time I was near him, he said that he loved me.

The shift was finally over. I had to go to see Carmen. Edward drove me to La Mission Bon Accueil, his hand holding my hand all along the drive.

I was a real bunch of fucking nerves. Edward changed my mind, talking about his job.

"Oh I am so sorry Edward. With all my fears and questioning, I forgot to ask you about your job."

"Don't be sorry Bella."

"So did you like you first night? I asked him.

"Yep. It was great. I made a lot of money. Hum…My love…I have a question… Are you jealous Bella?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, I work in bar and you promised me to come at 'La Boîte à Marcus' on Saturday…"

"So what does it have to do with me being jealous?" I need some clarifications here baby."

"Well, those girls…I don't know. They were so crazy last night. I didn't do anything. I promise. They were just behaving like…"

"Like…Girls on a high level of hormones?"

"Yep…I guess that is the correct word. I didn't do anything though. I swear."

"You better not. I think I could be really jealous. What… did they touch you?"

"Well some of them did; touching my hair, showing me their cleavage…even one of the bartender was pretty much trying to convince me to follow her at her house after the shift…but I swear…I didn't do anything Bella. You know I love you. There is only you in my life. I have to tell you because I don't want to hide anything from you."

"Well…I am quite impatient to meet this bartender… and the girls…Don't worry baby. I have a very bad temper. They can ogle you if they want but they better keep their hands off of you. Anyway, I knew it Edward. I am pretty sure you are the best looking guy working at that restaurant. Am I right?"

"That is what the owner told me. He is a gay and…"

I cut him in the mid sentence.

"No…Don't tell me. Did he flirt with you?"

"He did but he has a boyfriend. He just told me that he appreciated the merchandise."

"Jesus-Christ. What the fuck? Well Edward…I hope you realize that you are fucking attractive. Don't give me that look"

"Baby….You know I love you."

"I love you too. Anyway, I am not really jealous. Fuck…my boyfriend is so attractive that even his boss wants him in his bed. I better get prepared to fight." I added, laughing this time. And I certainly knew how the girls would be with you…I told you…You are sort of beautiful but you love me. That's all I am asking for."

And I was thinking that it would take a very long time before I would be in Edward's bed…But he promised to be patient and I completely trusted him.

We were in front of La Mission Bon Accueil. Edward kissed me; his lips perfectly fitting mine.

"I love you Bella…I love you more than my own life."

"I love you too Edward."

"Will you call me after the meeting?"

"I will baby. I promise. Don't worry."

I slipped out of the car and went to my meeting. Now it was time to fight my demons. I would do it; for me and for Edward.

o*o*o*o*

End of chapter 14

A/N: I hope you like this chapter. There will be a part 'B' for this chapter if I can say so. I mean it will be called Scars too…Bella will talk to Carmen about all the pain and the rage she has in her heart… and some others things she hid from Edward about her past when she was living on the streets; things she tries to deny but she is face to face with her own reality now. And it will take a long time before she finally finds the peace she is looking for. Having been raped is something very traumatic and leave deep marks…

Tell me what you think and review.

Love France xxx