A/N: Hello to my readers. Avery special thanks to those who take time to review my story. It is a pleasure reading your comments.
My mother tongue is French. I do not perfectly master the language, though it is my ultimate goal. If there are some mistakes in this text, please excuse me. I do try very hard to write a chapter with no errors.
The characters belong to S.M. In HOPE, they belong to me.
This chapter is full of romance. I needed it…and Edward and Bella needed it too.
o*o*o*o*
HOPE
Chapter 17
Fate is fate; and when you finally meet the one person who can change your life that is called destiny. Nothing can veer it off its course.
France
A DAY OF ROMANCE
EDWARD
"Shh….Shh…My love…You are having a nightmare. I'm here baby. Don't cry."
Bella's body was shaking violently. I could feel her heart beating so fast. Her face was covered with sweat and she was screaming.
"Don't touch me. Please, please, don't touch me. You are hurting me. Please, stop."
"Bella, my love, wake up. It's me, Edward…I am here. Calm down my love. Nobody is hurting you. Open your eyes baby. Look at me."
Bella slowly opened her eyes. I could see the terror in them. She stared at me and let a deep breath exhale from her mouth. Tears were still running down on her cheeks and she hugged me tight.
"It's the shadow again, isn't it Bella? I hate what he did to you. I hate the bastard who abused you. He had no right to take you that way. He stole your body. He stole your soul. He destroyed you and ravaged your heart. I hate him. If I had known you at that time, I would have beaten the shit out of him. He is a fucking monster."
"I am sorry Edward. I try so hard to forget about him. I try so hard to push those dark thoughts away. I can't. I fucking can't. He is always there, somewhere in my mind, torturing me. Fuck, I am so lost. I am so afraid. "
"Calm down my love. We are in this together. I am going to help you. You can count on me. I will never ever fail you. We'll go through your therapy together. Remember baby, there is hope. Hope for you. Hope for me. Hope for our love. I love you so much. I would do anything for you. I would give my life for you. You must believe in me. You must believe in your strength. And you are strong honey. I know we will sort this out together."
"Thank you so much Edward. I love you too baby. Thanks to be there for me. Thanks for your unconditional love. Thanks to take me as I am—broken and shattered—you are my hope. You are my life. I love you."
"I love you too baby. You can go back to sleep now. It is still very early. You look exhausted."
"I am tired but I don't want to sleep. I don't want that nightmare to haunt me again. I am hungry. I would like to go out and eat something."
"Okay my love. Do you want to take a shower before?"
"Yes"
"Okay, Bella. Go first and I'll take a shower after. Here is a towel."
"Thanks my love."
Bella took her toiletries, clothes and went in the bathroom. I sat on the couch and waited. I had a meeting with Carmen Cope Monday. I was really impatient to meet her. Bella really needed help and I needed help too. I didn't know how to cope with the whole fucked up situation. I didn't want to hurt Bella in any way. How was I going to approach her? I wanted to be intimate with Bella. I wanted to make love to her. But how would I do that? What were the steps to follow? I was in complete darkness and in a way, as afraid as was my Bella. I completely trusted Carmen. She certainly could help me and give me all the advices I needed to make this relationship work.
Bella came out of the bathroom, her hair twisted in a bun, with a few locks falling on the sides of her cheeks. She was wearing blue jeans and a white long sleeves sweater with embroidered blue flowers. She looked gorgeous.
"You are so beautiful Bella." You are so beautiful."
"Thanks baby. Go and take your shower now. I am really starving."
"Okay ma'am. Your command, I follow." I added, winking at her.
I grabbed my clothes and went in the bathroom. I showered quickly, washed my hair, towel dry, brushed my teeth and get dressed. Ten minutes later, I was ready.
"You are so sexy Edward. I love your sweater. Green suits you well. I love this colour. It makes your emerald-green eyes look brighter. You are very beautiful my love."
"Thank you baby. The brightness you see in my eyes is the reflection of the love I have for you. You are my sun Bella."
"Even if my sun is covered with clouds?"
"We'll chase those clouds away my love. Someday, your sun will be full. No more clouds, I promise. "
"I know the clouds will go away. With you in my life, with your support and your love, I know things will be better."
"Life with you is already so great. Everything will go fine. Are you ready baby? Let's go and put some food in our stomach. But before…Can I have a kiss?"
Bella came near me, snaked her arms around my neck and pressed her chest close to mine. I pulled her tightly and brushed my lips on her sweet, soft and wet lips. I licked her bottom lip and gently pushed my tongue in her mouth. Our tongues danced around each other in a slow rhythm. She moaned in my mouth and I moaned too. I rubbed her back with delicate gestures. She grabbed my hair in her hands, kissing me more passionately. I finally pulled my lips away. I cupped her face in my hands and stared deeply in her chocolate brown eyes, wanted her to feel how much I loved her. My eyes were burning with the intense desire I had for her. My body was a fire and my cells were combusting.
I finally let her go, not wanting her to feel the massive wood that was straining my jeans. It was not the time. I had to take it slow. My burning hormones would have to wait. I had promised Bella to be patient and I would keep that promise. We would make love when she would be ready. I would not impose anything on her. I would not force her. I was not the shadow. I was Edward Masen and I was deeply in love with her.
We went out of the house and got in the Volvo. I turned on the ignition and revved the car.
"Where do you want to go my love? I asked her. - La Stanza?"
"No, not this morning. Do you know another place?"
"Yes…Why not at 'Tutti Frutti'? It is a nice restaurant for breakfast."
"Okay, I don't know this restaurant. You are the boss baby. Let's go there," Bella said, winking at me.
I smiled at her and drove to 'Tutti Frutti'. The drive was pleasant. I hold Bella's hand, grazing her knuckles with my thumb.
We finally arrived. I parked the car, turned off the ignition and slipped out of the Volvo. I opened the passenger door, took Bella's hand and we walked into the restaurant.
The place was really cosy, clear and light. We followed the waitress to a table near a window and sat. She handed us the menus and went to fetch coffee.
"Here you are. I'll come back in a few to take your order," the waitress said, looking at me and smiling.
"Well…well…" Bella said. Did you notice how the waitress stared at you? You certainly affect the woman kind. She didn't even look at me. Edward Masen you are a beast. Don't tell me you didn't notice." Isabella said a huge smile on her face.
"I only have eyes for you baby. There is only one girl for me and she is just sitting in front of me. Are you jealous my love?"
"No…not at all. In fact, I am proud. You are my boyfriend. Every girl can ogle you. You are still mine. I am lucky."
"I am luckier…I am the luckiest because you are my girlfriend."
"Well…I guess we are both very lucky." Bella added, laughing this time.
The waitress came back to our table, still looking at me and evidently ignoring Bella.
"So sir, what do you want?"
"Ask my girlfriend first," I said, emphasizing on the word girlfriend and winking at Bella.
"Okay, Miss…Are you ready to order?"
"I'll take a strawberry pancake and a cappuccino please."
"Sir"?
"Give me the same."
"Okay. I'll be back as soon as it is ready." The waitress said.
"So baby, what do you want to do today?" I asked Bella.
"I don't know. One thing for sure, I want to spend the day with you. What would you like to do?"
"I would like to declare this day, our first date day. Christmas is coming soon. I want to buy something to you. I want to offer you something special. Something you will wear on you every day. Would you accept a gift from me Bella?"
"I am embarrassed Edward. I am not used receiving gifts. "Bella added, her face going through all shades of red.
"Please baby. Humour me."
"Okay Edward but I will give something to you too." If you want me to wear something that represents you…I want you to have something from me."
"Okay…It's a deal." Nothing is better than compromises. That is the best way to make a relationship works." I added, smiling at her.
"And I want to take you to a fine restaurant tonight. I want this day to be very special. Our first real date must be something to remember."
"Just to spend time with you is special Edward. I need nothing more."
"Being with you is happiness baby. But still…Let's make this day a special one, please."
"When you look at me like that Edward, how can I resist? Do you dazzle me on purpose?" Bella, said, smirking and blushing.
"Maybe I do baby. That is part of my charm."
"You are charming enough my love. You don't need to add anything. You've got it all and I am damn sure you know it."
"Well, the most important thing I have is you. You are my most precious gift."
"See…It is the same for me. I don't need anything else, except you. But it's okay. Let's make our official date a special one."
The waitress came back with our meals. She poured coffee in our cups, still looking at me and finally walked to another table.
"I called Carmen Friday. I have a meeting with her tomorrow." I said to Bella.
"Thank you Edward. I know Carmen wants to meet you. I can't go through this shit alone. Maybe my expectations are really high, but I want our relationship to work. I want our relationship to be perfect…I mean as perfect as it could be…I want to belong to you. I really want to make love to you. But you know how afraid I am. I don't know how to deal with it. How to proceed? How to make it work? Where are my limits? I have to find a way to chase all the flashbacks I have from the shadow. When you kiss me, I don't think of him. I love when you kiss me. I want to feel the same way when you will touch me. I want to feel the same way when you will make love to me. But right now, the monster is still in my head and in my heart. I am so damaged. I want to be normal again. I need my heart back. I need my heart back…for me and for you."
"I told you Bella. I am here for you. I know you are hurt and that your scars are not healed. You can count on me baby. We'll take it day by day, hours by hours. Don't put additional stress on your shoulders. Carmen will help us and I will help you too. That is why I really want to meet her. I am in darkness too but I have hope. We are in this together…I already told you…I am by your side. I am yours. Nobody is more important for me than you are. Trust me."
"I do trust you Edward…completely. Thank you my love. Okay baby, enough talking of my own misery… Enough of heavy stuff…Did you like my friends? ...apart from Harry I am sure."
"Yes, they are nice…apart from Harry…I like Alex and Victoria. They seemed to have enjoyed their evening. Sorry that Alex had to go with that bastard. He missed a lot of fun."
"Still don't understand why Harry behaved like this. He is always a gentleman at school. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I can't leave that thing this way. He owes me explanations."
"I don't like him Bella. I trust you but I don't trust him at all. And I know I will worry. He will have to keep his distance. You see him at school and I don't like it. I am jealous…and I don't want him to try anything. He better not try to fool around. You are my girlfriend and he will have to realize it…The sooner, the better."
"Don't worry Edward. I will make myself very clear. Don't fret…I'll talk to him."
"Okay baby. So, are you ready? Let's go shopping. I just have to make a call before. I want to make a reservation for our dinner tonight."
"All right. I need to go to the restroom."
Bella stood up and walked to the restroom. I dialled the restaurant's phone number and speak to the owner. I wanted to have a private 'salon'*, roses' petals spread on the table, blue and red roses in a vase and a bottle of their best wine. The money didn't matter tonight. This was our first real date and I wanted it to be exquisite, romantic and unforgettable. I knew how to be romantic. When I was a pimp, living with the girls, each of them had their moments of romance with me- Though it didn't mean a lot to me. There always was a goal behind those romantic evenings. I wanted them to love me and I wanted them to be under my control and do what I wanted- and I was very successful. I knew how to manipulate them. That was so very wrong and monstrous. But that part of my life was behind me. And all I wanted was to forget about my past. It was not me anymore. That Edward Masen was dead. Isabella changed me. She helped me to find myself again and I owed her a lot. She gave me the strength to leave everything behind and to have goals-And the most important one was to have her in my life and to make our relationship worked.
Being romantic with Bella had a complete different meaning, because she was the girl. There was no false pretence. It was not a game. There was only one reason. There was only one truth. She was my girl and I loved her more than anything in this world.
I went to the restroom—human necessity—and walked back in the restaurant. I paid the waitress, without looking at her-that was rude but I didn't give a shit- gave her a tip and waited for Bella.
"Okay my love, I am ready", Bella said, snaking her arm around my waist. Let's go."
"Yes…Let's buy you something special," I said, brushing my lips on her hair.
We walked out of the restaurant, hand in hand. Big snowflakes were slowly falling on the ground—the first snow. The air was crisp and fresh. It was beautiful, it was magic. I opened the passenger's door and Bella slipped in. I sat in the Volvo and drove the car to a jewellery boutique. I had something in mind. I went to that boutique a week ago and I already saw a beautiful bracelet with a small crystal heart. It cost a lot of money but I didn't mind at all. This gift had a special meaning for me—offering my heart to Bella—and I wanted to buy this jewel for her.
When she saw the price, Bella began to argue. It was too expensive and she was embarrassed.
"Edward, no….please…It costs too much". It is beautiful, but…"
I cut her in the mid-sentence.
"Bella…You promise to accept a gift. Please don't ruin my moment of joy. This heart means a lot to me and I want you to wear it every day of your life."
"But it is so expensive."
"It doesn't matter baby. I want to offer it to you."
"Okay my love. I truly adore it. It is so beautiful; all those colors reflecting light; the colors of a rainbow after rain…I love it."
"I am happy that you like my choice. Let me put it around your wrist."
I fixed the bracelet around Bella's wrist and paid for the jewel. I felt like part of me was on Bella now. That heart was representing mine. The radiance coming out from it was the radiance my heart had when I was looking at my Bella.
I kissed her forehead and we walked out of the jewellery boutique.
"So where do you want to go now?" I asked Isabella.
"I want to go to the mall. There is an African boutique I like. I know what I want to give to you."
"Okay baby. Let's go."
We sat in the Volvo and were on the road again. Snow was still falling, snowflakes dancing, swirling in the air and melting as soon as they touched the ground.
"I like snow." Isabella said. I don't like winter though—not when it is cold or when there are snowstorms. But today is kind of perfect. If it was always like this, it would be perfect."
"Another thing we have in common baby. But we live in Québec baby. And you know how winter is; sometimes so beautiful but other times so harsh and cold. Well, I guess we'll have to endure it. But I love the country, I love Québec and I love Montreal—and even more now, because I met you and you live here."
"Thanks baby. You are so nice. I love you Edward."
Hearing those words coming out of Bella's mouth always made my heart so warm and burning with intense flames. I could feel that heat in my veins, my cells combusting with the love I felt for her.
"I love you too Bella. You don't know how much I love you. I don't have words strong enough to express my feelings. I am so happy with you in my life. I couldn't be happier than I am."
Bella took my hand and kissed my knuckles. We finally arrived at the mall. We slipped out of the Volvo and walked into the mall.
The place was really crowded. I could feel the effervescence of Christmas time. It was magic; customers walking fast, their hands carrying bags, Christmas music playing, decorations everywhere and children waiting in line to see Santa Claus.
"Here is the boutique". Bella said. "Can you wait outside please? I want to go alone and see if I can find the gift I have in mind."
"Okay, my love. I'm going to sit here and wait."
Isabella walked into the boutique and I sat on a couch outside the boutique, observing the people and the children; impatient customers, loving parents holding their kids' hand and excited children. And I surprised myself thinking of me, in a few years, having my own kids and waiting with them in line to see Santa Claus. I surprised myself thinking of Bella as my wife and having babies with her; my wife, my kids. I was still very young but I couldn't see myself living a life without my Bella. As far as I was concerned, I felt much older than 18 years old. With the past I had, when I was a pimp, I was responsible of the girls. I had to take care of them and made the business run. I had to take decisions. I knew it was dirty business. I knew it was wrong but in a way, it brought a certain maturity in my life. And I was pretty positive Bella felt much older than 18 years old. She had endured so much and dealt with so much pain; these things left deep marks in a life and certainly made her grew up faster than she was…in her mind and in her heart. In a few years from now, I would ask her to be my wife…sure as my name was Edward Masen. Bella was my sun and I couldn't live without my sun. I knew we had a long way to go before she would be completely mine; heart, soul and body. But I had hope and I knew that deep in my heart, she would belong to me entirely. I believed in fate. This was written in the sky. This was our destiny-being together.
Bella walked out of the African boutique, a huge smile enlightening her face. God… wasn't she the most beautiful girl on earth….and she was my girlfriend.
"Now baby, close your eyes" Bella said.
I closed my eyes and she took my wrist. She fixed a wristband and told me to open my eyes.
"Oh! So beautiful, Bella. I love it."
It was a black leather wristband with four tribal designs carved in it.
"What do the designs mean my love?"
"Trust, faith, hope and love".
"Trust, because I do trust you Edward."
"Faith, because I do believe in you."
"Hope because I know that you are here for me and you will help me to have my heart again…not a shattered one but a radiant one."
"And love….because I sincerely love you Edward".
"Oh thanks so much my love. Thank you so, so much. This gift means a lot to me. "
Tears were running down on my face-Tears of joy and happiness. How could I ever thank God enough to have put Bella on my road? Not a day of my life, would I be grateful enough to have this girl with me, in my existence.
I wiped my tears and kissed Bella. I hugged her in a warm embrace.
"Thanks again baby" I said, brushing my fingers in her hair.
"Thank you too. This is a very beautiful day indeed." She added.
"So baby, we have four hours left before our dinner. What do you want to do?"
"Don't know." Would you like to go and watch a movie?"
"Why not? What would you like to watch?"
"I don't know what movies are playing right now? Let's go at the theatre and see if there is something interesting."
"Okay my love." I answered.
We walked out of the mall, my arm snaked around Bella' shoulders. Snow was now covering the ground. The outside temperature was colder but we were not freezing. The road was a bit icy so I drove slowly to the theatre.
We entered in the theatre and checked what movies were playing.
"Let's see…Remember me…Letters to Juliet…Millennium…The lovely Bones…The Proposal….What you like to see?" I asked Bella.
"Nothing sad….No violence…Not on our first official date…" Bella answered….Maybe a little romance would be good…It is a date…remember? She added, winking at me.
"Okay…Letters to Juliet…seems enough romantic for me." I said, laughing.
"Okay…Letters to Juliet sounds good. Anything dealing with Romeo and Juliet should be romantic enough. Let's go."
I paid the tickets and we went it the theatre. The movie was good; not a great movie but it was very romantic. The scenes filmed in Verona were absolutely magnificent. And Bella seemed to have loved the movie. I saw her crying and I thought she was touched. I knew she was feeling very emotional.
It was now time to go to Ottavio. I took her hand and we walked to the car. The drive was pleasant. I put a CD of Adam Lambert. The song Time for Miracles was playing and it suited us so well. I sang the lyrics to Isabella, some parts of the song meaning what I could feel in my heart.
Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cause I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cause I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us
I just wanna be with you
Cause living is so hard to do
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes
No I ain't giving up on love
I ain't giving up no
No I ain't giving up on us
So nothing can stop me from trying…
Isabella looked at me while I was singing for her. Her eyes were wet and I knew she understood what those specific words meant for her and for me. I would not give up on love. I would not give up with my intense desire of loving her, of making love to her and I would show her that making love to someone who you sincerely adore could be the most beautiful, intense feeling in the world. Making love was not repulsive and disgusting…One day, she would realize it. It was not just plain sex. It was not just a physical contact. And I knew that deep in my heart, making love to Bella would not be the same. Sex I had with other girls was just sex…nothing more. With Bella it would be love…It would be the most wonderful experience. I wanted to belong to her. I wanted her to belong to me….completely-and one day, it would happen.
We finally arrived at Ottavio. I loved this place. It was a very fine Italian restaurant. The food was exquisite. The staff was charming. Caius was the owner and he was a friend of mine.
"Hello Edward. How are you?" Caius asked me.
"Hello Caius. I am fine. Let me introduce you to my girlfriend."
"Isabella...This is Caius…Caius… Isabella."
"Nice to meet you Isabella."
"Glad to meet you too".
"Well Edward, your girlfriend is beautiful." Caius added.
"I know she is." I added. She is the most beautiful girl in the world." I said, looking at Bella.
"Thank you but please stop. You are embarrassing me." Isabella said.
Bella's face was red as a beet. She was looking at me, she was looking at Caius and she was biting her bottom lip.
"What has to be said must be said." I added.
"Edward…"
"Okay Bella." I said, winking at her.
"Follow me Edward. Everything you asked for is ready."
"Edward…What did you do?" Bella asked…Nothing extravagant, I hope."
"This is our first official date baby. It has to be special."
We followed Caius and entered in the private *salon. It was perfect.
"Oh Edward, my love this is so beautiful. I don't know what to say. You thought of everything. This is so romantic. I love roses. Oh! Baby…thank you so much."
"I wanted to please you my love. I am happy you love it."
"This is magnificent. I am speechless. Thank you Edward." How can you love me so much?"
"You are everything for me…everything my love. Sit down baby and let's have a wonderful evening."
"This day is wonderful Edward. Everything is perfect."
We sat at the table and the waiter came in. He poured the red wine in our glasses and handed us the menus.
"Isabella my love, let's have a toast. I want to tell you how much I love you. I am not very devout, though I believe in God. I thank him to have put you in my life. I sincerely believe in fate. I am the happiest man in the world. You changed me. I am another man because of you. My past life was a failure. I was a failure and a monster. You made me wish for a better life. I have goals now and it is all because of you. Thank you my love."
"Oh Edward… I thank you too. I didn't know you before. Your past belonged to you. I couldn't have been in love with the guy you were before…but God…Do I love you now? You are so sweet, charming and clever…and so beautiful…inside, out."
"I can the say the same words to you Bella. You are amazing and so strong. I admire you."
"You think I am strong? I don't feel that strong."
"Bella…You are the strongest person I have ever met. Everything you had to deal with in your past and you are here…having goals, having hope for a better life and a better future. Yes, indeed, you have an incredible strength."
"Thank you Edward…You know baby, you give me strength and you give me the energy to go on. I want to be good for you."
"You already are good for me. You are the best for me. I couldn't wish for more. I couldn't wish for a better person in my life."
"You are good for me too. You know this song from Tina Turner…Simply the best…Well you are this man to me…Everything I need…You are the best, better than all the rest…You come to me, give me everything I need. Give me a life time of promises and a world of dreams…Speak a language of love like you know what it means…And it can't be wrong, take my heart and make it stronger, baby… And I believe in you… I so much believe in you."
"I believe in you too baby. And don't ever forget how much I love you…We know we will go through pain again…but we are together…as long as our heart beat…That is my greatest wish."
"I love you Edward."
"I love you more".
The evening went on. It was magic. It was love. I couldn't stop touching Bella, grazing her hand, kissing her knuckles. I was afraid too….afraid of what was coming…But I knew everything would be fine. She was my strength and I was hers. And she was my reason to live.
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A/N: End of chapter 17
*salon…in French in the text…meaning a small and cosy room.
I hope you enjoy reading this very romantic chapter. Next chapter, Edward is meeting Carmen Cope. So, it will be painful. He has so many questions to ask and he doesn't know how deal with Bella regarding sex. He is in the dark too. And Bella will go on with the therapy as well.
Please leave me love and review…I love you my readers…
France xxx