WARNING: There is torture of a semi-sexual nature in this chapter. Lots of descriptions of torture. Please if this triggers you do not read, read like the last few paragraphs about Arthur. But not the first stuff. So this is the chapter, um... Merlin's suffering for the most part is over, kind of.
The walking was hard. Merlin had walked along side a horse before, but never had he been tied to a horse. And Cenred wasn't kind, keeping up with the horses pace was near impossible. Merlin knew he must have dragged once or twice. He was so week already that it had to have happened. The pull in his shoulders alerted him to that.
When he did stop walking, one of the knights behind him, he didn't know who had a whip, and gave him a good hit. Merlin would cry out.
The first day was the easiest. Merlin wished it would get easier but he knew that wasn't possible. He knew that the path wasn't straight or easy. And he knew that Cenred wanted to hurry. He was guarded at night, he didn't care. He wasn't near the fire, he wished he could have been. It was getting cold, and he was without a shirt.
He lay looking at the sky, the stars half masked by the trees. He wanted to call out to someone, but no one would answer. No one was there. He shivered in the night, and curled in on himself. He had been given water twice during the day but no food. Merlin was hungry, he had eaten but it hadn't been much, nor anything substantial.
If the cuffs weren't going to kill, or the collar, then he was certain to die of malnutrition. He pulled at the collar, only to feel his fingers burn, and his neck burn. He had no relief. He wouldn't get any. He shook more, and wiped his head, the sweat getting into his eyes. He was sick.
He wouldn't last long.
The third day, his boots got holes in them. And then he soon had no socks. Which meant his feet bled. It hurt to walk, but he wasn't even allowed to do that. He was forced to run with energy he didn't have. His feet could barely withstand the pace, and he felt like collapsing. He did, only to be whipped.
The fifth day. He collapsed and when he wasn't able to be woken up, he was dragged along. Cenred was finally bothered to notice, and tied merlin to one of the horses like he was a saddle bag.
He woke up later, only to be punished, Cenred did the punishment. It was public and humiliating. Cenred did something Merlin had nightmares about. He heard this was what was done for some ways of torture. But Merlin never thought anyone would do it to him, let alone the king. His trousers were down before he knew.
Merlin screamed when he realized it wasn't the king's member, but a knife, and it didn't go all the way, just a little. Merlin still screamed. His trousers were roughly pulled up, and he was kicked to roll over. He let out a yell, being on his back hurt. "You will keep up tomorrow, is that clear."
Merlin clenched his hand, "Yes."
Merlin fell asleep there, after he had turned over. He didn't think he was going to wake up, but he did. He was a dead man walking. He felt like it too. His boots were now just straps around his legs, they had disappeared after a river crossing.
He felt his trousers falling, but he couldn't reach to pull them up. He had to focus, one step in front of another. Losing his focus meant collapsing, and he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do that again.
And he wondered if this is what the mental break felt like. If this is what the goal was back at the castle. It was almost too late for it now. But he had to stay strong somehow. He focused on the rhythm of left, right, left right. He felt like he was in tune with the kings horse, but that changed when the horse kicked him once or twice, he couldn't even remember now.
He knew he didn't even look like himself anymore. He barely felt like himself.
The night before they were to come to Camelot, Merlin was inside Cenred's tent. He was being used as a chair. And he almost fell asleep. Almost, but whenever the king shifted position he would wake up. The thought of being a slave killed Merlin inside, but what he would have to do killed him even more.
Cenred stood and gave Merlin a good kick, "Tomorrow we fight, and tomorrow, you will kill the prince at the first site of him. We will charge the castle, and you will kill Uther."
Merlin looked at the king but said nothing. He already knew this information. But he had no intention of killing Arthur, Uther possibly, but Arthur was more important to him. And for now, he would not be killing Uther either.
The king looked at the slave, who could barely keep his position without falling over. He walked to Merlin and boxed his ears, "You did hear what I said, right?"
Merlin tried to nod, but that made his brain feel like it was jumbling around. He rather keep his brain in place. Everything was hurting.
The next day arrived, and Merlin behind the king's horse, his feet showing through his now useless boots, were stepping in the poop and mud. He couldn't feel his feet any longer, they had long since been infected.
Merlin saw the white walls of the castle, and all he could do was focus. Focus on the walls, on his home. Focus on not killing Arthur. It was a lot to focus on. But he was going to do it. Though focusing on that meant he lost track of walking. He was dragged, and the king didn't seem to mind this time.
He heard "Halt!" Merlin had no clue who it came from. Merlin had no clue about anything, he wasn't even sure he had heard the word halt. It was all very foggy. The king had gotten off his horse, and kicked Merlin who was not recognizable.
"You useless, thing. Arthur is there, do your job!" he kicked Merlin. Merlin shakily stood, and when he saw Arthur he wanted to collapse again. But he had been given an order to use magic.
His hand was out, and he had to think of something. He had to do something. He was not going to kill Arthur. And he couldn't kill Cenred, because he had a feeling that the way this collar worked wouldn't let him kill the person in control. Then he thought, he could make a spell backfire. Cenred would probably kill him when it was all over, he was so close to death anyways.
The words came out of his mouth, before he even realized what he said. He looked at Arthur, all hope lost in his own eyes. Arthur looked angry, and he had every right too, Merlin was a sorcerer who was just ordered to kill him.
He heard, Emrys! In his head. It made him scream, but not as much as the spell that he cast did. It did what he wanted, it backfired and hit him full force. It was oscillating like waves because of the cuffs and collar. Merlin writhed on the ground, unaware of what was happening.
What he hadn't realized is the shock of the spell backfiring, blew away most of the soldiers that Cenred was leading. Merlin was out, and no one was sure if he would wake up.
After Merlin's act, Cenred quickly gave up. He was a coward, but he would come back for Camelot. He would take control. When Arthur was certain that the army was retreating he hopped off his horse, and ran to his friend.
What he had seen was worse than what Morgana had described. Merlin was always bony, but what Arthur saw was more than bones, Merlin looked like he had died and come back to life. He looked like no man should ever look. Arthur was ashamed to say he hardly recognized Merlin.
He was furious that a king could do that. He was furious, and then he saw Merlin's hand out stretch, it was on Cenred's order. He didn't think Merlin could do magic with the cuffs, but it seemed like there was something else at work.
Arthur had full faith in Merlin, Merlin would not harm him. But he saw that hand outstretched and he got scared. He had no idea the power Merlin had. But he did as soon as he saw the spell not affect anyone that was fighting for Camelot, save Merlin.
He didn't have time to panic, because the shock came soon after when he saw soldiers and Cenred being blown back. When he could think he saw Cenred leaving, and Merlin on the ground writhing like he was having a seizure.
He straddled his friend, and gripped his head, "Merlin, come on you idiot." He needed Merlin to be alive.
Mordred had come out of the woods from where he was hiding. He didn't stay long, and he looked sick. Arthur didn't have to guess why. But he was too preoccupied with Merlin to even try.
One of the knights came and pulled Arthur off of Merlin, "No, what are you going to do to him!" he yelled.
Leon was now kneeling beside Merlin, and picking the broken young warlock up. He looked at the other knights, Merlin's writhing was calming, and soon he was still. The consensus was the same, they knew Merlin. "We are taking him to Gaius."