February 20, 1942 – December 5, 1942

James,

I miss you. So, so very much. Even though it's only been about two months. Is it ridiculous? I feel a bit ridiculous. But it's true.

Steve is talking about enlisting again. I'm trying to talk him out of it, but you know Steve, so it's not going very well. Even the fact that it's illegal to lie on the enlistment form isn't deterring him. I'm tempted to knock some sense into him, but it probably wouldn't work anyway.

I don't really know what else to say. I wish I had more to tell you, but I'm afraid things here are pretty boring, especially without you.

I hope you're doing all right. At the risk of sounding like an overbearing mother, I hope you are getting enough to eat and plenty of sleep, and that the men in your unit (is that what it's called?) are not nit-wits and you get along with them - although you get along with nearly everyone, so I'm not really sure what I'm worried about.

I miss you. Love, Luci

My Luci,

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write. They have us training day in and day out. We even have to do overnight training! I shouldn't complain, since I signed myself up for this, but I have to admit that it's much harder than I thought. They lure you in with promises of glory, but they leave out the parts about doing push-ups in the mud and ten mile runs in the snow.

I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss you. I think about you every day. Wisconsin in the winter is a much better sight than Brooklyn, and I wish you were here because I know you love pretty, sparkling winter scenery. Say, maybe when this is all over, we'll make a trip of it and come here in the winter. Any description I give you won't do it justice, you have to see it for yourself.

Luci, my love, you shouldn't worry so much. I'm doing just fine – I'd even go so far as to say I'm doing wonderful! I mean, parts of me I didn't even know existed ache and I've got bruises everywhere, but I guess now I just know how Steve feels all the time. (You know, I'm not actually sure that's a joke.) But really, Luci, everything's fine. We don't get a lot of time to eat, but boy do we know how to make the most of it. I'll admit sleep is a little harder to come by, what with the hours they make us keep, but it's enough to get through the day (or night). The boys here are great. Of course I get along with everyone! Well, there's one fat-head that thinks he's the V.I.P. around here, but I'll soon outrank him and I'll send him on fifteen mile runs and hikes through the woods in snow three feet deep all day.

Well, it's nearly lights out, so I guess I should stop writing now. I miss you, Luci, and I love you so much.

Dearest James,

Oh dear. Just the illusion of power is getting to your head. I'm not sure a higher rank gives you those kinds of privileges over your underlings. But I wish you luck with it anyway; he sounds like he needs a good lesson taught to him.

Speaking of lessons being taught – or, actually, not taught – Steve got a 4-F classification again. I tried, James, I did, but he refuses to listen. I think he feels like he needs to prove himself. I'm telling him he doesn't need to do anything, that there are plenty of ways to help here, but he can't –won't – see that. I suppose I understand when he tells me it's no less his responsibility than anyone else's to do his duty for his country; it's admirable, really. But I'm not sure he sees the whole picture. I'll keep trying to talk some sense into him, if only because I don't know what else to do.

I am incredibly jealous of your perfect winter wonderland. It's nothing but grey and brown sludge here. Well, that's not entirely true, but it's close enough, especially now that it's all starting to melt. Actually, I took a little trip to Central Park the other day, just so I could pretend to have a wonderland. It was nice, but I bet Wisconsin is still better. If I didn't have a certain someone to keep an eye on, I'd already be on my way there.

I still miss you terribly, but I think at this point it goes without saying. I love you.

Luci

Darling Luci,

What I hate about this is that I don't get to write to you as often as I'd like. No, actually, what I really hate is that I'm not by your side. But I do wish, given the situation, I could write to you more.

The snow is melting here now, too. So it's less winter wonderland and more slippery, muddy hell. That's what the drill instructors here are going for, I think.

Tell Steve he's an idiot from me. But don't worry too much over it, Luci. There's only so much you can do; believe me, I know.

And I would never let the power of authority get to my head! I would use it appropriately on those who deserve it. And to get extra potatoes. I don't know what it is, but they do potatoes really well here. Can you tell I'm hungry? They've been working us like dogs lately, and there's talk that it might mean that we'll be sent over soon. But there's no official word yet, so I'm not believing a word of it. And neither should you. Seriously, these knuckleheads are just getting themselves worked up over nothing. I think it's because the weather is finally starting to get warmer, so the drill instructors are keeping us out and working for as long as they can.

It's chow time now, so I better get going or there will be nothing left but soggy beans. I love you and I miss you, Luci.

James,

Please don't forego a decent meal just to write to me! I love getting your letters, I do, but you need to take care of yourself firstly! Otherwise you'll be falling on your face and that's no way to gain the respect of your future underlings.

There's a ballet opening up in a few days! It's called Pillar of Fire. I really want to go, but tickets are selling like hotcakes and I don't think I'll be able to get one for at least a week, probably longer. The story is rather interesting. It's about a young woman who is afraid she'll never find love because the man she wants is trying to gain her younger sister's favor, so the girl settles for someone else. Drama ensues and the girl gets her guy in the end, happily ever after. I'm such a romantic and can't pass up a happy ending, so I know I'd love it. Goodness, I'm very excited, if you couldn't tell.

Well, I suppose we always knew that you getting shipped out was inevitable, so we shouldn't be surprised. However, I'll selfishly hope that you won't be, that it's just the warm weather making your superiors over-eager.

I wish you were by my side as well. Letters are wonderful, but I miss having your arms around me. Easter is going to be quiet without you, and my mother wishes you were here to eat her deviled eggs since the rest of us won't touch them (honestly, how you're still alive after eating that many of them last Easter is beyond me).

I love you. I miss you. XOXO

Luci

My darling Luci,

We won't be shipped out any time soon. They are only trying to prepare us, so our work and exercises are getting harder and longer. But the sergeants have said there's nothing to get worked up over. I hope that puts you at ease.

There is nothing wrong with your mother's deviled eggs. I would ask you to send some of those eggs this way, but I doubt they'd make the journey and they would make me sick. Tell your mother that she is wonderful for thinking of me and that I miss her delicious cooking.

That ballet sounds right up your alley. You'll have to tell me how they get to the happy ending when you see it.

I'm sorry this letter is so short, but we're off to do night training exercises in fifteen minutes. I promise a longer one next time. All my love.

Dearest James,

I'm incredibly glad to hear that you won't be going anywhere any time soon. Steve has become much less insufferable now that he knows you're still in America. I swear, I was going to have to tie him down to stop him from stealing a plane or a boat to get over there with you.

Do you get to listen to the radio there? Steve and I listened to the Dodgers and Giants' game the other night. It was really quite exciting – I think your love of the game is rubbing off on me. The third inning was where the excitement was. The Dodgers scored four runs! It was nearly impossible to keep up with all the names, although that may just be because I don't have the practice listening to games as you and Steve do. They scored a few more times, and ended up winning seven to six! I suppose being out in Wisconsin, you might not get the same programs. You'll have to ask Steve for the play-by-play if you want to know what exactly happened; I don't remember much other than what I've already told you.

My mother appreciates your love of her cooking and will be sending cookies soon. If anything will catapult you into popularity there, it would be sharing those with the other men.

I don't believe I have much else to report. I just miss you. Do you know if you might get time off to come home for a time? That would be absolutely wonderful. I'm getting more and more restless without you here, I can hardly stand it.

I love you.

My lovely Luci,

Those cookies were enjoyed by no one but me. That you thought I'd even share one is hilariously silly of you. Besides, I'm already the most popular here, what with making corporal and all. But honestly, they were little pieces of home and I wouldn't have given them up for the world. Thank your mother several times for me, please!

Of course my good influence is rubbing off! You couldn't be my girl and not start to like baseball. Just not possible. We don't get the New York games over here, in the very limited amount of time we have to listen to the radio. Your game summary was superb, but I might ask Steve for a few more details.

I hate to disappoint you, sweetheart, but I highly doubt I'll get time off. I'll ask, but I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you. I know how you feel, the restlessness and everything else. It's almost unbearable, how much I miss you. If the penalty wasn't so severe (and permanent), I'd be tempted to hop the next train out of here and home to you. All I can ask is that you hold on, hold on for me, for us. It may be a while.

And… I understand if that's too much to ask. If you want to move on, I won't blame you. Asking you to wait for weeks, months, even years is a tall order. I want you to be happy, Luci. That's all I want. And if it's not with me, I'll understand. But I'm yours as long as you'll have me. I love you.

James Buchanan Barnes, what on earth has gotten into your head? If I didn't want to wait, I would have moved on as soon as you left. I love you, James, and nothing is going to change that. I will wait as long as it takes. Being with you is what makes me happy. Don't fool yourself into thinking anything else. We'll get through this together, no matter how long it takes. Okay?

All right then.

I sort of assumed they wouldn't be giving any time off, but it never hurts to ask.

I finally saw Pillar of Fire a few days ago, with my family. I really liked the Nutcracker as a child, but I think the only reason I knew what was going on in Pillar of Fire was because I knew the main points of the story beforehand. I guess ballet isn't for me. Oh well. The positive side is that Connie now won't be hissing "What is going on?" and "This is so boring!" in my ear every ten minutes. Sometimes I can't figure out how we're sisters.

Please don't do anything stupid that will get you into trouble, like sneaking onto a train. Miles and miles away, and I still have to worry about you. And stop thinking those ridiculous thoughts about me moving on. I don't know where you got them, but I'm putting an end to them right now.

I love you.

Luci

P.S. Congratulations on making corporal!

My sweet Luci,

I'm so sorry. I got a little down about all this. One of the guys here got a letter from his wife saying she met someone else and wanted a divorce because she didn't want to sit around being lonely while she waited for him to come home. Can you believe that? He was so devastated that we had half a mind to hide all the rifles for a few days. Poor fella spends all his free time getting sauced with cheap booze.

I am thanking my lucky stars a hundred times a day that I found a girl like you. You are beautiful and kind and wonderful. I'm so grateful that you somehow fell for my horrible, over-the-top charm.

I did ask about getting time off to go home, and they said no. I guess I figured that's what they'd say, considering we're about to jump into the middle of a war. The whole goal here is to get us battle-ready as quickly as possible, and time off would screw up their precious plans. But after nearly five months now, I think it would do us some good to see people other than the men we spend practically 24 hours a day with. The men are great, it's nothing against them, but sometimes – like with family – you just need a break.

Ballet might not be for you, my dear, but that just leaves more time for baseball, which is better for you anyway. I never understood ballet myself. How can you know what is going on if nobody talks? I think there's some sort of secret pointed-toe code that tells the audience (the ones in the know at least) what is happening. Lifting the right leg signifies the desire to do something forbidden. A three and a quarter clockwise spin means it's time to get a drink. Baseball doesn't seem so complicated now, does it? At least you tried.

Oh, I almost forgot. I have to tell you that this will likely be my last letter for a while. They're moving us to the boondocks out in some giant forest a few hours north of here. Apparently it will be good practice since the land is very similar to what it will be like over in Europe. But it means, unfortunately for us, that I won't be able to write or get any of your letters until we return to Camp, which could be a month or more. I will write you again as soon as we get back.

I love you.

My ever-patient Luci,

We are, at last, back. That was exhausting. Two and half months of crawling through the dirt and mud and all kinds of disgusting things with all of our gear on our backs. You wouldn't think, considering the kind of winter Wisconsin gets, that it could ever get very hot here, but you'd be very wrong. In winter, it's like the arctic, and in summer, it's practically tropical. The weather here is confused. I could take a hundred showers today and still not be clean of all the dirt and sweat. But I guess we learned how to work with the terrain and use it to our advantage. Although Nazis will probably be harder to hit than the trees we were using as target practice.

I'm sorry this is very short. I just wanted to let you know that I'm back. I feel like I could sleep for a year, and since we get the next 36 hours off, I think sleep is exactly what I'm going to do.

All my love.

My poor, exhausted James,

I'm so happy to hear you are back! I tried to keep a list of things I wanted to tell you about while you were gone, but I might keep it to the ones that are actually interesting. I really don't think you would particularly care to know that Uncle Robert visited for a few days in August.

Let's see. Well, back in July, a new musical came to Broadway, "This is the Army" – have you heard of it? I guess it was based on the musical from the first world war. We went a few weeks after it opened, Steve came, too, since I thought he might like it. It was great fun, actually. Funny, moving, and they're doing it for the Army Emergency Relief Fund, which is nice. I imagine it will be around for a while, so hopefully you'll get to see it too.

The war doesn't seem to be going very well for anyone. I try to keep up on it, but sometimes it gets to be too much. I'm just awfully glad you are still here. I know it's selfish, but I can't help myself. Any woman who is happy that her man has been shipped out has a screw loose. But don't take that to mean that I don't support you! Of course I do. What will come, will come, and if I have to buy bonds and start rationing, then I certainly will if it means helping you and all the other soldiers.

Actually, my mother wants Connie and me to volunteer for the Red Cross. They said we could be doing anything from rolling bandages to taking blood from donors. Can you imagine Connie trying to draw someone's blood? She'll have fainted at the sight of the needle. Good thing I'm not nearly so squeamish. I think that's what I'd like to do though, be a part of the Red Cross. Sitting here wringing my hands is a waste of time. Maybe I'll become a nurse after the war, too, or during, even.

It seems Steve's enthusiasm is infectious. Next thing you know, I'll be the one trying to enlist! (He's tried again. He even told me that he left off the asthma on the form this time! It's as if he has a death wish!)

I hope all is well and that you've gotten some good nights' sleep in you after your forest training. Hugs and Kisses.

Darling Luci,

Your hugs and kisses are greatly appreciated. I long for the day I can receive them in person again. But don't you even think about trying to enlist - this isn't something you should be doing. Not to mention you'd have to look like a man, and I don't think I could take it.

You would make a fantastic nurse, kind and caring as you are. Your sister… not so much. She might have to stick to rolling bandages. I think it would be best that you try out the Red Cross first, though, before committing yourself to the life of a nurse. Who knows if you'll even like it that much?

Word of that musical has gotten here. A few of the men here were picked to perform in it, actually. The barracks have gotten quieter without them, though I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing. It's certainly easier to get to sleep without the show tunes, anyway.

And I know that I volunteered for this, but I'm also glad I haven't gone overseas. It's all much more serious here than it seemed back home. Another guy from a different platoon got a letter from his girl saying it was too hard for her to be apart for so long and not know when or if he'll be back. It makes me profoundly grateful that I've got you! I don't think I say it nearly enough. You are the best girl. I love you so much, Luci.

My dear James,

I'm so sorry for the delay! My parents took us on a trip upstate and said that since you haven't been shipped out yet, I could take a break from writing you and spend some time with them. As if I've just shut myself in my room for the past eight months! You know, I wasn't much of a rebellious child, but boy did I want to be right then! I just couldn't believe it. Poor Steve has had to listen to me rant about this since we got back.

I thought it was mighty neat to have actual soldiers in the musical. Who knew so many of them had that kind of talent? To think that you know some famous stars now! You'll have to introduce me if we ever get the chance; I'd really like to tell them how fabulous it all was.

Don't you think I'd look good as a man? I mean, it'd be so easy. I'd just have to cut my hair, which is a pain to deal with anyway, wear pants and a tie. Nothing to it!

James, you can pick your chin up off the floor now. I'm only joking, promise.

You do make a good point about trying out the Red Cross first. Being a nurse is an awfully big job, not that I couldn't do it. I suppose we'll just have to see how blood drawing goes. Connie is trying to convince Mother that she could do something else to help out, but Mother isn't having it, so Connie's taken to sulking around the house when she's home. More often than not, though, she takes every opportunity to stay out of the house. I think she's been at Bonnie's house nearly every day this week.

I'm just as lucky to have you. All my love.

Luci

Sweetheart,

I thought you had actually gone to enlist! No, I'm kidding, I knew you probably had some reason you couldn't write. I'd ask you to tell me what you did on your trip, but I'm afraid that would just make me jealous, because you probably went to the beach or something nice like that. We have a lake at the far end of camp, but it's not the same as an ocean view.

I like your long hair. It's fun to play with and you make the cutest angry faces when I get it tangled up. Besides, you don't know how to tie a tie and it's harder than it looks. I'll have to make sure Steve won't teach you, just to be safe.

Your sister sure is dramatic. Maybe she should become an actress? Although I can't see your parents agreeing to that. You, however, would, as I said, be a great nurse. There's a lot to learn for that though, but you are more than capable. I'll admit that I might get a little jealous that other guys would get your attention, but if it's what you decide to do, I'll get over it.

Things are winding down now here, but only because the temperature has dropped about forty degrees. There's no smooth transition between seasons here! How do the people who live here do it? One day it's nice and sunny, the next there's frost on the ground. Ridiculous. Give me the city any day.

Hopelessly in love with you, as always.

Darling James,

There's a bit of a chill to the air here in Brooklyn, too, if it makes you feel any better, but that's November for you. Thinking of you this Thanksgiving; I hope they give you a nice big meal for it. We're insisting that Steve join us, and no one can say no to my mother for long, so that will be nice. But we'll miss you.

You know, Connie being an actress might not be such a bad idea. Our parents might not be that opposed to it, if it meant getting her an outlet for her dramatic flair. And there are still lots of choices for me, it's not like I have to go into nursing. I could teach, or be a secretary, or a housekeeper. No need to decide right this minute.

I won't tell you where we went, but after our trip to Wisconsin in the winter like you promised, we'll go to where my family went.

I need to get this to the post office before it closes, so I suppose I should end it here. Take care of yourself for me. Love,

Luci

Luci - I'm coming home. Save me a seat at the table for Christmas.

-0-

I'm sorry it's once again a day late! It might be best to change my update schedule to Thursday/Friday just because of my ever-changing job schedules. But hopefully the fact that it's a beast of chapter makes up for it! Maybe? ;) This one's been a while in the making (SO MUCH RESEARCH - new links on profile in case you're interested), so I hope it all makes sense. I went a little cross-eyed while trying to edit it for the last time, so I may have missed things. Reviewers of chapter 4, replies should be in your inbox soon. Love.

[Guest: It's almost worse when you know it's going to happen and there's nothing you can do about it.. I hope you liked this chapter, even though they weren't physically together! Thank you very much for your review!]