Lost but Found Again
Chapter 2
Found
"Fate, make love to me. I want to feel your hands on me"
"Are you sure about this Nanoha?"
"I've never been more sure about anything. Please! Make love you me" she pleads.
"Anything for you" Fate kisses Nanoha tenderly as she gently lays her on the bed.
She climbs on top, positioning herself between her lover's legs. She breaks the loving kiss and looks into her lover's eyes with overflowing love. Nanoha places her hands on both of Fate's cheeks, caressing them lovingly.
"I love you Nanoha" and without keeping her lover waiting, she kisses her passionately.
I woke up hurriedly as if waking from a nightmare. My breaths were fast and I could feel little beads of sweat running down my face. I quickly look around my surroundings. I was upstairs in one of the rooms over the café. I grunt in pain as I bring my hands to my head in order to try and ease the headache that was quickly forming.
"How did I get here?" I tried to recall what happened. I remember coming to the café to talk with my parents about the wedding and then…..I saw….her. That was a dream right? Fate couldn't be here. Yeah, it was just a dream. She couldn't possibly be here.
I get off bed and head down stairs. There was no one in the kitchen, so they have to be in the main part of the café. I open the doors leading to the café to find everyone there. To my relief, Fate wasn't there.
"Are you okay Nanoha?" Mom, dad, and Yunno all said when they notice me.
"I'm fine. I must've wasn't feeling well, but I'm fine now" Everyone sighs in relief.
Just as my mother started saying something in reference to my wedding, the bell on the door of the café goes off, which catches every one's attention. We all look towards the door and there at the door was the person I thought was an illusion.
I could feel my eyes go wide and my breaths hitched. It wasn't an illusion. Fate was really here. Why? What is she doing her? I had never thought I would see Fate again, especially after I had finally accepted that Fate wasn't coming back.
She walks over in my direction. What the hell is going on?
"Hey Nanoha. Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.
I didn't say anything. I couldn't. Fate was in front of me after five years of waiting for her to come back. I couldn't say anything. I was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed with sadness. Fate had left me all those years without even keeping in contact and that's all she had to say to me. She could have at least said sorry or something. I was angry. I was so lonely for years and she never did anything. My fists ball up as tears build up in my eyes. It was like the pain was building up in me again.
"Nanoha" Fate says in a somber voice. She must have known that she was the reason of my unhappiness for all those years. I waited for nothing.
She moves towards me and opens her arms to hug me. "I'm sor-" that was all she could get out before I slapped her. I could hear gasps coming from behind me, but I didn't care. She hurt me. I wanted her to feel my pain.
Her face stayed to the side for a few seconds before she turned back to me. Her eyes were sad. Tears were forming in them, but none had fallen. My tears, on the other hand, had fallen already.
She brings her hand to the cheek that I slapped.
"I deserved that" she said sadly.
Before she could even think about saying anything else, I ran back upstairs. The pain that was going through my heart was too unbearable, especially when the person that caused it was downstairs.
I slump over on the bed. Hands covering the tears that stained my face.
"Why did she have to come back? Why? My life was just starting to get back on tract. I'm about to get married. Why come now? Why Fate?" As much as I wanted to know the answers to me questions, I realized that I wasn't going to know that answers until I asked Fate herself, but I couldn't. I don't think that I can face her. I need more time. I need more time to think and process all of this.
A soft knock comes at the door. I removed my face from my hands quickly trying to wipe my tears away.
Another knock came.
"Nanoha?" It was the voice that I didn't want to hear.
I walk over to the door, but not opening it.
"What do you want Fate?"
"I just want to talk to you"
"I….I don't know if I'm ready yet"
"Please. I just want to set things straight with you. That's all I want. If you don't want to speak with me after that, I'll go back to the U.S." I didn't say anything.
I was really hesitant to be in her presence, but this probably would be my only chance to really know what happened all those years ago. I really wanted to know why she left me behind.
"Nanoha?"
"Meet me at the park at 3. You know where"
"Thank you Nanoha. I'll see you tomorrow then" And with that, I could hear footsteps descending down the stairs.
I turn with my back against the door. We were to meet at the last place we met before she left me all those years ago.
~0~
I stood leaning on the railing by the water. This was the exact spot where Fate and I stood the last time we met. I hadn't been here since then. It was a sad place for me to come to after that. This place was always a constant reminder that Fate wasn't coming back to me. But for some reason, after all these years, it kind of makes me happy that I can finally come to this place. It was a beautiful place. It was filled with extravagant trees, flowers, and it overlooked the ocean.
This was a place that was filled memories that Fate and I had shared here. I remember when we would sneak out of our houses sometimes to come here at night and Fate would hold me in her arms as we looked at the stars. It was always beautiful, but I was just happy to be with her. That was when I knew we were really in love.
I smile just thinking about it. Fate's love meant so much to me then. But what about now? So much time has passed since she left me behind. We were seventeen and eighteen then.
I could feel the presence of someone beside me leaning on the railing just as I was. I didn't have to look to know who it was.
"It's still beautiful out here"
"Yeah I know"
"It still looks the same as the last time we were here" It did. "Wanna sit and talk?"
"Sure"
We head over to the bench that was a few inches away. Neither one of us spoke or even glanced at each other. I really didn't know how to start things off or what to say first. I had too many questions that it was impossible for me to choose which to ask first. I was happy that she said something.
"I'm sorry Nanoha" She says turning to me. I look at her. "I'm sorry that I was away for so long. I really didn't expect to be gone for so long and I know that nothing can change the fact that I was. I know that you were sad. I wished that I was with you and if I could have, I would have been with you" I didn't say anything.
The years before meeting Yunno were really rough. Even after Yunno and I got together, I still had a rough time. I felt abandoned by the one I loved most. I wanted her to hold me, love me, but Fate wasn't there.
"Yeah I was hurt Fate. I felt really lonely when you were gone. It was a painful time for me" I look down to the floor.
"I guess without me being there, you were mad as well. You didn't even respond to my letters" Huh? What is she…. "I finally had gotten the courage to come see you even if you did hate me. I just wanted to see how you were doing"
Hold on a minute. "What?" I looked at her curiously. She gave me a curious look back.
"I said I wanted to see you even if you hated me"
"No. Not about that. You said that you sent me letters?"
"Yeah I did. I sent you letters whenever I had the chance to, but I gave up after 3 years thinking that you were so mad at me that you didn't care anymore since you never responded to any of them"
"But I never received any of them. I never got anything from you"
"What do you mean?" she looked confused. "I sent you like fifteen letters. How could you have never gotten them?"
"I don't know, but I never got them"
"I guess that explains why you never replied to my letters. I thought you hated me. I cried a lot over it"
"I guess we both went through a lot. I seriously thought you didn't want to see me anymore"
"Nanoha, you should know me better than that. I wouldn't have left you willingly. It was really hard being away. I really thought that you didn't want to see me anymore either and that you hated me for taking so long to come back. I was really scared to come see you, but I just had to. I figured that you wouldn't be happy to see me, but I didn't care. I still wanted to see you anyway. When you slapped me, I knew that you didn't want to see me. Your parents weren't happy to see me either. They said that I shouldn't have come and that you were getting married now. Even though I wasn't too happy about the news, I was just happy to at least see your face again even if it was just for a short time. I just felt needed to make things right"
"Even if that was the case, even if I did hate you, you still wanted to see and talk with me? Why would you go through the trouble? So much time has passed."
"Do you even have to ask that Nanoha?" I turned my face from her.
What she just said was that she still loved me. A part of me was happy to hear that. It was what I wanted to hear since she left me and a part of me still wanted to hear it now, but the Nanoha now, was getting married.
"Thank you" I said looking back at Fate. "Thank you for saying that to me, even if you didn't say that you love me directly. That's what I've wanted since you've left. For you to say that you loved me was all I wanted to hear. Even a part of me now still loves you Fate but…."she cuts me off with a finger to my lips.
I hadn't felt her skin on mine in so long. I had forgotten how soft it was.
"Sshhhh. I know that me saying that I love you doesn't really change the fact that you're getting married, but I do love you Nanoha. There wasn't a day that I never thought about you. You had my heart then and you still have it now. I just wanted to let you know that. I really do regret leaving you"
She looked at me tenderly just as she always did. Her soft hand caresses my cheek lovingly. Oh how I missed this.
I was surprised by what she said. Her feelings for me never changed even after being away. What surprised me the most was that she didn't blush. She always had a hard time expressing her feelings. She would always get embarrassed and would blush hard because she felt that what she said never sounded right. I guess she got over that because she seems to know what she wants to say now.
I was also happy at what she said. I felt like I was seventeen and she was eighteen again before everything had happened. I felt like I was in the presence of the person that I loved most again. I couldn't help leaning my cheek more into her hand. I wanted to feel her hand more. I close my eyes to savor the feeling of her hand.
I remember. I remember this feeling. I remember all the times she touched me like that. Her hands were always soft and tender when she touched me. It felt good to be touched by her in this moment because….I knew it wouldn't last.
I grab the hand that was tenderly touching me, opening my eyes. There it was. That beautiful smile that she would always give to me. The smile that was only for me. It was a smile that would always be mine, but I couldn't have it now. I slowly entwined my fingers with the ones on my face. I could feel tears coming down my face and Fate's smile disappears. I think she knew what it meant. There was no chance for us.
She pulls me into an embrace. Her slim tender arms wrapped around my arms as my hands lay a little above her breasts. She laid her head on top of mine.
"It's okay Nanoha" She pauses. "But I'll never stop loving you. Never" That broke my heart even more and I couldn't help the tears from falling. "Never" Fate repeated as she began to cry with me.
~0~
After talking with Fate, I went back to the café. Our talk played over and over in my mind as I was driving. I didn't know what do you. There was nothing I could do. As much as I would have liked things to be different, they weren't. I was with Yunno now. We are to be married soon. I couldn't just up and leave. It wasn't a simple task.
As I walked inside the café, I was exhausted emotionally. This was too much to deal with in two days. I saw my parents sitting at one of the tables, so I decided to sit with them. I plopped down in the chair across them, exhaling a long breath before I laid my head on the table.
"Why the long face? Where have you been?" My mother says. I sit back up in my chair.
"I met Fate today" At the mention of her name, it seemed like parents' facial expression changed dramatically. It was as if they were horrified.
"And? What did you do?" Dad said.
"We just talked. I felt happy to be able to be around her again, but….it was also sad. Things are different now. We're not together anymore. It hurts still.
"Well you have Yunno now. I know he'll make you happy and all the pain you felt will be gone"
"I know that he'll make me happy mom. It's just hard for me right now"
Silence engulfed the room. Both of my parents had an expression on their faces as if they were thinking about something. I was really wondering what it was.
"Fate told me that she sent me letters, but I never got them though. I wonder what happened to them. It would have really made me happy to have been able to read them. Things would be different now. We would be together" I pause trying to think of what could have happened to the letters she sent. "I guess they must have gotten sent to the wrong house or something"
I turn to my head to look out of the window.
"Yeah. Fate and I would be together if I would have gotten those letters that she sent me. Then…..then I wouldn't have even thought about being with anyone else other than her. I would have waited until she was back in my arms again. I would have been with her for the rest of my life" The sadness in my heart seemed to come back again. It too much.
"She did, you know" I heard my mom say in a low voice. My head turned to my mom so fast, I think I have whiplash.
"What did you just say?" She averted my eyes by looking at the table.
"She did send the letters. She sent you letters for three years" She finally looks at me.
What? I couldn't believe it. My parents knew about the letters.
"You knew that Fate was sending me letters and you never gave them to me" I could feel my anger rising. "Dad, you knew too?" He nods his head. "How could you do that to me?" I felt tears coming from my eyes. "How could you do that? You two knew that I was having a hard time with Fate being gone. Those letters would have made me happy. So why did you do it?" I was confused.
"We thought that it was best for you to get over her. She wasn't going to come back for you. You know how famous she is. She would have forgotten about you and went off with some other girl. We did what was best for you Nanoha"
I was so angry. How could they? I got up from my seat and slammed fists on the table.
"You think you did what was best for me? Huh? You two did what was best for you. I know Fate better than you two and I know that she would have come back. And she did. She did come back even though she thought that I hated her. Did you two know that?" I pause. "She thought that I hated her because of your selfishness. I never asked you two to do that for me. Fate and I would have been together if you two didn't take it upon yourselves to intervene. You two have hurt me worse than Fate leaving" I slam my fists on the table again. "Where are they? Where are the letters? Give them to me now" I screamed.
I had never been this angry in my life before. I can't believe that my own parents are the ones who ripped Fate away from me. My own parents. They were the ones responsible for our situation.
Nothing was said. My father got up from his seat and went into his office. Less than two minutes later, he came out with a stack of letters with a black ribbon holding them.
My eyes widened. I can't believe that they were real. Fate really did write to me. He handed them to me.
"She wrote the dates on the back, so you should be able to put them in order" I said nothing in reply. I didn't want to be there anymore, so I grabbed my things and left.
"Nano-" I could hear my mom say before I slammed the door. I quickly made my way to my car, quickly turning it on and driving home. I was still furious with my parents. I think that their reasons were stupid. They should have given me the letters. It wasn't their decision to make.
~0~
I made it home in ten minutes. I quietly closed the door. It was late and I knew that Yunno would be sleep. I sat on the couch looking at the envelopes curiously. I wonder what she wrote within them. I couldn't wait anymore. I undid the ribbon, immediately ordering the letters by their date. The first letter was dated September 15, 2005. I quickly opened it, taking out the piece of paper inside. I hesitantly open the folded piece of paper.
Dear Nanoha,
It's been a couple of months since I've left Japan….since leaving you. I regret coming here sometimes because I miss you deeply. I miss your touch, your warmth, and I miss seeing your cute pouting face.
I laugh as tears come down my face. Fate always liked it when I pouted.
There are times that I want to just say fuck becoming a soccer player and catch the next plane back home, but then I thought making you proud of me if I stayed and followed my dream would come to mind. And on a brighter note, I would be able to take care of you. Yes, being a soccer player is my dream, but my dream is to be able to give you the things that you want. I want to treat you like the true princess that you are and I could be your prince that will love you forever. I can't wait to have you back in my arms Nanoha. To be able to kiss you, to feel the touch of your body and to feel your wonderful love would make me so happy. I wonder how long I'll be a part from you Nanoha. I don't think I can wait a long time. I want to hear you say that you love me because your love is more important to me than anything. Wait for me love. I hope it won't be too long before I can see you again. I begin training soon and school has been crazy to, so I don't know when the next time I'll be able to write, but I'll write whenever I can. But I love you my sweet pouting baby. I love you so much. Don't stop loving me, okay? Because I'll never stop love you. Never.
P.S. If you're wondering, I blushed throughout this whole letter. I can't believe I still do this. We've been together since I was fifteen and you fourteen. You would think I would down with blushing. One day I'll be able to tell you my feelings without blushing. You just wait.
P.S.S. Happy Anniversary my sweet pouting baby. Since I couldn't be there for it, I put a rose petal in the envelope. I kissed both sides, so it will be filled with a lot of love. Maybe if you kiss it to, it would be like we kissed. Well I love you Nanoha. Happy Anniversary.
Love,
Your cuddle bunny
Fate
I slowly closed the letter and then wiped my tears. The letter had reminded me of how much in love we were. I missed Fate calling me her sweet pouting baby. She had given it to me due to all the times she would make me pout and in return, I had called her my cuddle bunny because she liked to cuddle. I missed that about us. I really missed her.
I searched the envelope and pulled out the rose petal Fate had put in it. It was dried out, but still intact. I slowly pressed my lips to it, closing my eyes. I'll love you forever Fate.
I searched through my pocket and found the paper that I had been searching for. I looked over the number that was on it. What to do now.
Hope you guys liked this chapter. Please review as always. Don't kill me Mari. LOL.