I feel so lethargic these last few days. I don't want summer to end. Konata is right; school sucks.
So, on to Chapter 3
Chapter 3
In Japan, bow first
John Martin-
Two days before our big trip…
Nero furiously pounded on Jake's front door. His hands turned a red blue color as he continued his rant for ten minutes, then twenty. Cock Face, Dean, and I watched as Nero tore his hands to shreds. Eww…blood started to run down the door frame. With Jake gone, the dream of reaching stardom exploded in front of our poor band. The typhoon of life collided with our frail bodies. The supernova of existence blotted out our stars. The…ok I'll stop with the dream crushing metaphors.
"Come on Jake!" Nero screamed at the top of his lungs, "I only want to talk. How about you come down here?"
The currents from the second floor shifted; the window popped open. "I'm sorry guys. My parents said I can't go…"
"I respect your parent's decision," Nero explained, "but somebody made a poopsy-oopsy, and he needs to fix it. So why don't you come down here and talk?"
"I'm scared…" Fed up with Jake, Nero picked up the largest stone he could find. He chucked it up at the second floor window, hitting the siding instead of the glass. Jake let out a little girl scream.
"Come on, friend," Nero said, "What are you afraid of?"
I stepped in. "Ok Nero, I think that's enough. Jake isn't coming, and we can't really change that." A depressing sigh left the group's lips. Giving one final vulgar statement, Nero returned to his not so asshole friends. Thanks a lot Jake; you really screwed us over this time.
"So what are we going to do?" Cock Face posed, "We can't very well play in the Concert without a lead guitarist."
"Maybe we should cancel the trip…" Nero muttered, "I wouldn't have to fly then, and we could save all that money for something useful…like stripers." We waited to see if Dean had any ideas concerning our predicament. Instead of paying attention to us, he busily harassed a bumblebee that was minding his own business. Now, we waited to see if he would get stung.
"Come here bee," Dean yelled. Not happy with Dean's swatting, the bee flipped a bitch and landed right on Dean's arm. Becoming a martyr for all bee kind, the noble little bumble took a stab into Dean's arm. Our friend let out a yelp.
Nero sighed again. "Well, retard doesn't have any opinion. I guess this one's up to you, John." Did Nero really need an answer from me? I would go just to see Patty and forget the entire group. I didn't care if they even came. Actually, it might be better if I went alone. That way Patty wouldn't suffer through Nero's dickery, Cock Face's…whatever, or Dean's mental retardation.
My statement went completely against my thoughts. "We should still go and enjoy ourselves. We spent how much money learning Japanese and preparing for this?"
"I guess…" Cock Face muttered, "but the whole point is ruined thanks to Jake…"
"I hate flying…" Nero groaned.
After a quick massage of his arm, Dean joined in. "It would be cool if we could find someone who could play guitar when we were over there." Wow, Dean paid attention to our conversation. I figured the bee sting kept him from focusing on what was important. Wait…did he just say something smart? Like he witness pigs fly, Nero's eyes widened, and his mouth fell to the floor.
"Dean just had a good idea…" he muttered, "Say that again Dean."
"We could find someone who could play guitar in Japan." Though impractical, it provided a glimmer of hope for our group. Nero and I exchanged glances; smiles formed on our lips. Patty didn't mention any of her friends playing a musical instrument, but Japan housed millions. At least one of them had to be free and willing to play for us.
"Dean," Nero began, "I think I will only say this once in my life, but you said something intelligent. Congrats…"
Dean nodded his head proudly. "Watch me be the next Steven Hawking guys." We held up out hands to his mouth. Please Dean, don't ruin this glorious moment.
Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
That day of the flight-
Loading up our luggage took most of the morning. Considering we each brought two bags with clothes, our instruments (five of those which were Nero's), and carryon bags, we filled two minivans full of what amounted to crap. First, everything didn't fit, but if we stuffed Dean's suitcases in-between the drums and the three guitars, we got the first van closed. The second one, containing our normal bags, was on the brink of dumping out the back end by the time we forced the hatch down. To make matters worse, Nero wouldn't shut up.
"Guys, I have a really bad feeling about this," he complained as I buckled him up. He became paralyzed with fear…literally.
"You will be fine," Cock Face assured, "We'll all be there with you, so don't fret so much."
Nero bit his lip. "I don't know. What if the plan enters a tail spin, and we crash into the ocean? I don't swim that well."
"Flying is the safest form of travel," I mentioned, "Besides, airplane accidents are few and far between."
"What about a terrorist attack?" Now Nero was getting stupid. The plane had a better chance of exploding in mid air. "It's been a while since we've had one. I think America is due for another attack." He sounded like he planned on doing the attack.
"Why would terrorist want to hijack a flight to Japan?"
Nero shrugged. "Why not? Maybe, they're Asian terrorists, and they'll make us all commit suicide to honor the Emperor." I don't think Japan even has an Emperor anymore. Besides, that suicide/honor stuff was ancient history. Europe came over, and when they show up at your front door, your culture was basically fucked.
"Do you guys want to blindfold him so we can get going?" Cock Face posed, "Our flight leaves in two hours, and we have a two vans full of luggage." I hated to see what our airport bill would cost. Locking Nero in the passenger side of the van, we took off; I drove with Nero while Cock Face drove with Randy in the other van. The whole way, Nero went on about horrible things that could happen in flight. His comments got farfetched enough that he had Godzilla rising out of Tokyo Bay to eat our plane. We weren't even flying into Tokyo. To make matters worse, Cock Face tailgated the hell out of me while the guy in front of us strolled along at 50 miles an hour. Come on people, the freeway was faster than this. With about an hour left, we arrived at the airport, luggage in hand.
I took liberty of talking with the airline staff and checking our bags in. "We have all of these."
"Um…" the lady looked at me like I was high. Let's see, we had two suitcases per person, totaling eight, a drum set with multiple cases, a bass, three guitars, two more instruments Nero decided to bring, a mysterious black bag that Nero said was important, and four carryon bags.
Before we could begin the check in process, Nero stepped forward. "I need to know. How safe are these airplanes?"
"They're very safe, sir."
"How safe are they from terrorist attacks?" Nero went on, "If I were to draw a gun and threaten the stewards with them, how would they defend the other passengers? Are they equipped with their own weapons or do they know an advance form of martial arts?" The clerk watched us all suspiciously. I felt my heart enter my feet as Nero dug a larger hole. "Also, if we all drew guns on the plane, do you have enough staff to combat four armed terrorists?"
Cock Face punched him harder enough to send Nero to the floor. "Are you trying to get us arrested?"
"I am so sorry," I said to clerk, "He is very nervous about flying." The clerk's face didn't change much. To her, we became a threat or what amounted to a possible threat. I was surprised she agreed to check the luggage in. Once our fees were paid, we dragged Nero's sorry ass away; Cock Face's punch knocked more out of him than I thought. Next came security.
"Sir, I need you to open that black bag and let me see the contents," a police officer order. Yea, we got thrown into a "random" screening. I doubt Nero's questions had anything to do with this… Normally, these things took a few minutes. However, Nero hugged his mysterious black bag close to his chest.
"You don't need to see this!" he snapped, "This is private and very personal."
I pleaded with him. "Nero, the flight is going to leave in like fifteen minutes. We need to get through."
"Sir, I will confiscate your bag if you won't show it to me." Nero shook his head. He jumped to the floor, holding the bag under his immense weight. Good God, we wouldn't get anywhere like this. Hell, we'd probably end up detained and questioned by the CIA.
"Dean, fetch the bag," Cock Face commanded. Like a dog, Dean pulled Nero from the ground, shaking him until he lost his grip with the bag. Like a hawk, I snatched it up; Nero cried for me to stop. Geez, this thing was heavy. I struggle with his carryon, barely managing to place it up on the table. The female police officer opened it; her face went white. My face went white… If there is a God in heaven, please let this bag not be full of weapons.
My prayers were answered. The officer removed DVDs, lots and lots of DVDs. I picked one of them up; my face went white again. On the cover, three girls in schoolgirl uniforms were making out with each other. "You brought your porn collection?"
"Not the whole thing," he said, "Only my lesbian porn." There was like eighty DVDs here. I know it's normal for a guy to have a couple of magazines, maybe a video or two, but this was crazy. After realizing his bag was full of unmentionables, the officer handed it back. A look of disgust targeted Nero.
"You're free to go…" she mumbled. Lovely, we had seven minutes before the gate would close… At full speed, we ran down the terminal until we came across gate 7B. Flashing our tickets, we sped onto the plan, dragging a fleeing Nero behind us. Have you ever tried to get a little kid to sit still? Putting Nero in his seat and expecting him to stay amounted to the same thing. He kicked, he struggled, he screamed until he finally clicked his belt. Then all was calm.
As people stared at us, Dean looked them in the face. "What? This man is deathly afraid of flying, so much so that he brought his own gun." Cock Face pulled Dean to his seat, smashing his head against the arm rest and rendering our retarded friend unconscious.
I looked to Nero. "You didn't bring gun, did you?"
"No man," Nero shook his head, "Dean's just being retarded." I sat next to him. Surprisingly, he seemed rather calm just sitting in the plane. Maybe once on, he could handle the flight.
I decided to get his mind off flying with some ground rules concerning this whole trip. "Nero, on this trip, would you try and refrain from doing what you normally do."
"What do you mean?"
"Don't swear so much," I started. How could I make this sound nice? "Treat Patty and her friends nice. Don't attempt to…do what you do with girls."
Nero frowned. "Does this mean I can't introduce any of them to Jim?" I shook my head, but Nero continued anyways. "Just so you know Jim is my penis."
"I got that. Please, for me, don't do anything stupid." If Nero acted half normal, the trip might go without a hitch. The problem was if Nero behaved the way he normally did, the trip would really suck. I didn't want Patty/Patty's friends to think that I hung around with a vulgar bastard even though Nero was a vulgar bastard.
"Damn, you mean I can't woo them with my boat?" What did that even mean? Before I could ask, the plane moved as we taxied onto the runway. Nero tensed up; his eyes locked tighter than a clam. We suddenly gained speed as the plane prepared its ascent. Nero gripped my hand, holding like we were long time lovers. This was really awkward… The plane pulled up; Nero squeezed tighter. We climbed and climbed and climbed until the plane leveled out above the clouds.
I tried to pull my hand away. "Nero, you can let go."
"I think I just peed myself…" he grumbled. Oh, this would be one hell of a long flight.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
I don't want to bore anyone with the flying details. Several hours later, our pilot told us we would be arriving in about fifteen minutes. The sky was black like the inside of a cereal box. Nero spent most of the time shaking in his seat. Cock Face and Dean played a game of Chess. Now, everyone wants to know why Cock Face would want to play chess with Dean. The answer, Dean liked the horsey piece because it goes neigh. See what we put up with every day.
"You've done well today," I said to Nero, "You didn't have any spills or freaks outs besides when we got on the plane."
"I know," Dean added, "I thought you would have freaked when we took off. Did you know most plane accidents happen during take of landing? Actually, landing is the deadliest part of flying." Cock Face and I shot him the nastiest glare ever. Nero's head collided with the back of his seat; his eyes vibrated while the rest of him remained as stone cold as a statue.
"Nero, are you ok?" I asked. At that moment, the plane descended.
Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Minami Iwasaki-
The sun started to set when we arrived at the airport. By we, I mean Patty, Miyuki, and me. Considering the time the flight was getting in, none of our other friends agreed to meet the guys. Miyuki and I were putting them up for their visit, and Patty thought it was only natural that we came to greet them. Tired from school, I threw on a pair of jeans and a yellow blouse. Miyuki and Patty, with their larger chests, wore filling red blouses with matching skirts. It looked like they did their shopping together though Miyuki shopped at far more expensive places than Patricia.
We sat by the entrance to gate B12; I busily munched away at some peanuts I bought at one of the little shops. Miyuki and Patty talked about this and that; they were rather excited for something I felt wasn't so interesting.
"Patty, you've never said what your cousin is like." I pointed out, remembering that she only called him a loser a few times. A loser could mean a lot of things.
"Let's see," Patty began, "He likes games, manga, and anime. He also has this interesting panty fetish, but overall, he's nice." Ok, that was a tad bit too much information. "I know he really likes those bishojo anime with the cute girls. Yea, he really is a loser."
Miyuki shook her head. "I think your cousin sounds a lot like Konata-san. I just know he'll be a wonderful person." Did she miss the whole panty fetish thing? That comment made me even wearier of letting him stay at my place.
Patty nodded. "He's really nice. Just watch out cause he'll start in on something no one understands and just keep going and going." Sounds a bit like you. I started to see the resemblance between Patty and her cousin. And she had no right to call him a loser.
"Does he like anything else besides games and anime?" I inquired. Everyone had multiple hobbies with the exception of Patty and Konata. …this would mean there would be three of them…
"He's very passionate about the band," Patty said, "He never let me meet the guys until now." At least he worked towards something that wasn't the latest bookstore point or money for the newest limited edition box set. Yea, my fears were probably all for nothing. These guys would be like the guys in class, a little distant but nice. Besides, guys hadn't teased me about my cold stature or flat chest since middle school. We were grown up…right?
At that moment, a scream emitted from inside the gate. Like a mad man, a young man with white hair, wearing a black shirt and jeans, came sprinting out towards us. His screams shattered out ears; my hands quickly covered them. He ran up, screamed right in my face, and then repeated the same process with Patty and Miyuki.
"What is going on?" Patty asked as we watched the mystery boy climb up into a fake decorative tree. Yes, there are fake trees in the airport.
"Someone sure seems lively." Miyuki let out a teehee.
I sighed. "Hopefully, he has nothing to do with our group." Why did I always jinx us? After I said that, three other guys came running out of the gates. One had long blonde hair with a shirt that had something written in English. If I read it right, it said "This shirt is designed to protect you from my sexy chest." Real attractive… The next guy, the one with glasses and shaggy brown hair, ran next to his long haired friend. He looked far more modest with a polo shirt and jeans on. The final guy came out last, carrying multiple bags.
"John!" Patty called to the one with all the carryon bags. He had black hair cut real short. He wore a simple green t and also has jeans. Out of the three guys, he looked the most frantic. Wait, wasn't there five guys? If these were three of them…then that meant that…
"That crazy guy is with them…" I muttered.
The guy with the long haired called after his friend in the tree. "Nero, I'm sorry. See, we landed ok, and no one died."
"Somebody could have though," the one called Nero shouted from his hiding spot, "You tricked me into this, tricked me I say." John pushed right past us, approaching the tree with ease. Nero plucked fake leaves from it, tossing them down at his friend. They did no damage.
"Nero, you need to come down from the tree," he ordered, "You're making scene."
"Dude, seriously calm down," glasses boy commanded.
Nero yelled, "Fuck you. Fuck all three off you. You tortured me on that flight."
"You agreed to it," John said, "Please, come down from the tree. Everything will be ok." By this time, a number of people gathered around to see the ruckus. If we didn't act fast, security was sure to get involved, and we'd never get to go home. Puffing her chest out, Miyuki-san walked towards the tree, standing directly under it. She smiled up at the panicking Nero.
"I know you might be scared about the flight," she said a soothing tone, "but you arrived safely and no one is hurt or injured. Flying is one of the safest ways to travel, so you really don't have much to be afraid of." Nero let out a hiss sounds that reminded me of rodent cornered between a wall and an exterminator. That didn't stop Miyuki from holding out her hand. "Please, come down, and I know you'll feel better." Like animal, Nero sniffed her hand, slowly lowering himself out the tree. Before long he stood next to the slightly shorter Miyuki; she patted his head. "Good job."
"That was awesome," glasses guy said, "How did you do that?"
Miyuki blushed. "I've researched how to calm animals. I took what I learned and applied it here. When panicked, humans share many common instincts with frightened animals."
"That's Miyuki," Patty announced as she joined the group, "She knows about things very few people could care about."
"Oh Patricia-san, you flatter me," Miyuki's face went an even brighter red. Before I knew it, the seven us of were all in one group, standing around despite no introduction.
Patty laughed. "Oh yea, hey John." She threw her arms around her cousin. His face went red like Miyuki before returning the hug. "Allow me to introduce us. The one with the big boobs and pink hair is Miyuki. The serious one with green hair is Minami. You'll be staying at their places this summer."
We bowed, "It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Sup," Nero said with a snap of his fingers, "Names Nero Seross, lead singer for Slaughtered Infinity." He reached out and kissed Patty's hand. "Thank you for inviting us." Was it me or did it feel like he was faking? Patty cooed as Nero played his pretty boy nature up.
The one with the long hair stepped forward next. "Hi, I'm Dean." He looked to Miyuki. "You are like a goddess of the awesome. Would you do me?" A small gust of wind past me as John smacked his friend in the face with this massive black bag. Before I could blink, Dean was flat on the floor, knocked out by the force of whatever was in that bag.
"It seems you've met the idiots in our group," glasses guy said. He shook my hand. "Hello my name is Randy."
"Cock Face, what are you talking about?" Nero jumped in. Miyuki, Patty, and I froze. Did he just call him what I thought he called him? We were in such a stupor that replying felt pointless. The more I watched these guys, the worse I began to feel.
Randy, or…Oh I can't say it, looked to us. "Please, my name is Randy. Ignore Nero, ok."
"Don't let him fool you," Nero said, "He's Cock Face. Call him that." I think I'll pass on that one.
"We call him it," John added, "He won't mind." From the looks of it, he really did mind. Randy stomped his foot on the ground in a fit of rage. His face puffed up as it looked like tears formed in his eyes.
Finally, Patty's cousin stepped up. "Hi, I'm John Martin. I'm sure you know me cause of Patty."
"She's said very nice things about you," Miyuki assured. Miyuki…you truly are a saint. Only you could lie to someone simply to protect them from the hurtful words of their own flesh and blood. She had my utmost respect.
John laughed. "I'm glad to know. I would really hate if Patty thought I was a loser or something." Heh, reality bites hard.
"I was expecting like a welcoming committee or something," Nero mumbled.
"Our other friends were busy because it's so late and a school night," I explained, "You'll be able to meet them tomorrow." Unexpectedly, Nero threw his arms around me. Our faces smashed together as he slyly grinned. An uncomforting feeling raced through me.
"You seem distant sweetie," he said with a seductive voice, "What ails you?" Luckily, John came to my rescue.
He pulled Nero off in one swoop. "Down boy. You'll have to excuse him; the flight is still messing with his brain…"
"Nah, Nero just wants to introduce them to Jim," Dean said. Who was Jim? Oh, he probably was the fifth member. Odd, it looked like everyone empties the plane, and wouldn't friends exit at the same time?
"I thought your fifth members name was Jake." Patty said.
The group let out a long groan. John informed us of their terrible misfortune. "Due to circumstances bordering the dumb, Jake was unable to come."
"If Jake is the fifth member, who is Jim?" I asked.
Dean quickly informed me. "That's Nero's penis."
Whack
John once again provided a homerun hit to Dean's noggin, sending him straight to the floor. That mysterious black bag was quite an impressive weapon. As we applauded John's quick reaction, I couldn't help but feel slightly disgusted with Dean's comment. Patty's cousin and his friends were…well…vulgar and obnoxious. They lacked any redeeming qualities; my biggest fears came true. Oh, my summer seemed so dark and dreary.
"Dean's about as smart as a lead brick," Randy…what am I supposed to call him?
Miyuki helped our downed comrade. "I'm sure Dean is far smarter than you think. You haven't been around something he's good at yet." Miyuki, why are you so kind to everyone? This guy, he doesn't deserve to be comforted after that comment.
"Yea so, where do we pick up our luggage?" Nero posed, "I want to make sure none of my stuff got lost on the flight."
"You guys didn't change flights?" Patty asked. We glanced at Nero, who shook his head. After that spill, I don't think they wanted to experience Nero's attack again. I mean, where would he climb if there wasn't a fake tree around? Like a tour guide, Miyuki led us to the baggage claim room where those rotating machines spit out bag after bag. She must travel enough to know where the place is by heart.
I looked to John, who seemed to be the most level headed of the group. "Do you need help with your bags?"
"I do," Nero shouted, "I got like ten fucking bags." There he went with the language again. Also, ten bags seemed a little much for one trip. I didn't care if he was staying for a month or two; ten bags were a bit much. The conveyer belt rumbled before starting the distribution project. We watched as the slot in the wall spit our bag after bag. John was the first to grab one, a big red suitcase. Dean and Randy grabbed their two bags next followed by John's final bag.
Nero tapped his foot impatiently. "If my bags were lost, someone is going to die."
"I'm sure they'll be out in a minutes," Miyuki assured. Cases containing what looked like drum parts appeared like magic. "See, it takes time to unload the plane." Despite it being an instrument, no one made a move for it.
Randy punched Dean. "Dude, those are your drums."
"I don't think so," Dean said, "They don't have that vibe."
"What, the retarded vibe?" Nero mocked. Patty stopped the first two cases, pulling them off one by one. The next one ran past me and I quickly grabbed it. My arms nearly snapped off as I lifted it off. I didn't know drums were so heavy. Before we knew it, cases of musical instruments flew at us.
Nero pointed to five different cases. "Those are all mine." He looked to me. "Could you grab them?" Wait, these are your instruments, not mine. However, I quickly obeyed, gathering up the five hard and very heavy cases.
Vvvvvvvvv
The guys drew a lottery to see who would be staying at what house. I prayed that John and Randy would be my guests; Nero and Dean scared me too much. Instead of drawing straws or guessing a number 1 through seven, the four guys played rocked paper scissors. Patty volunteered to be referee.
"Ok guys, first one up the temple stairs wins!" she called.
Nero scratched his. "What is that some kind of joke?"
"I get it!" John piped in, "You play rock paper scissors and the winner gets to climb so many stairs up to-"
"John, no gives a shit," Nero instantly cut him off. Tough love… The four guys placed their hands in the center; Patty counted to three, yelling shoot at the very end. They threw their hands in. Randy and Nero attacked with rock, minus ten points of HP from John's scissors. Dean…put it what looked like a hand holding onto a pole.
Patty cocked her head. "What is that, Dean?"
"Monster beats everything," he proudly explained.
"Hey Dean, when you decide to actually grow some balls, you can come join the big kids table," Nero yelled, "We're not three anymore. No dynamite, no monster, and no smoking babe." We stared inquisitively at Nero. For a win all in rock, paper, scissors, monster made sense, but smoking babe…
His eyes shifted. "You guys have never used smoking babe?" We all shook our heads. "I used it all the time in middle school. No one argued cause I'd punch them in the face."
"So you made it up and threatened everyone into accepting it." John mumbled. Nero scratched his chin before nodding. Did it really take that much thought?
"Actually, variations to rock, paper, scissors are quite common throughout the world." Ah yes, a Miyuki knowledge rant went into full force. Whenever a necessary blip of unimportant information was needed, Miyuki delivered with flying colors. "Many objects have been used to as a beat everything move. Also, children have invented variations to the tradition rock, paper, and scissors. I've seen many children use things such as lizard or gun. Also, I-" Miyuki stopped as she realized the four guys stared at her with their mouths hanging open. It look as if they seen a ghost.
Nero asked, "Can I call you Miwiki?"
"I guess…"
Patty smiled. "I told you she was moe incarnate."
In the end, it was decided that John and Nero would be staying at my place while Dean and Randy stayed with Miyuki. Why did my summer already feel over…?
Vvvvvvvv
Post episode- Minami Iwasaki
"Hey Minami?" Patty asked, "You know how Yutaka-chan said that we had two rooms at your house and two at Miyuki-san's. That means if Jake came, we would be one room short."
I sighed. "She must have forgotten there were five guys…" Poor Yutaka, her flash of genius was for naught. Isn't math fun!
"Don't look so down," Patty patted (say that five times fast) my shoulder, "It worked out in the end."
Vvvvvvvvvvvvv
Well, it took me long enough to get the cast together. Reading about John and his friends felt like a completely different book than that of Minami and her friends. Well, everything should come together, and I hope everyone didn't get too bored without a constant supply of Lucky Star Characters.
I'm hoping to introduce Kagami, Tsukasa, Ayano, and Misao in the next chapter. That should make everyone with the exception of the Nanako Kuroi and Sojiro Izumi.
Also, look forward to meeting Misao's older brother/Ayano's boyfriend.
Don't forget to leave a review. See ya