Lost but Found Again

Chapter 7

Time to think

My mind was in turmoil. I had never been so confused in my life. I didn't know what to feel about Yunno and the wedding. My thoughts were going crazy when I thought about me and Fate's situation. I just needed time to think, but even thinking seemed to be hard these days. I was at least happy that Yunno would be hanging out with friends until tomorrow. I just couldn't be around him right now. I didn't know what to do anymore and that's what frustrated me the most. I didn't know how to choose. Yunno and I have had a happy relationship together and I love him enough to marry him, but Fate…does my love for Yunno even compare to the love I have for her? I didn't. The love I had for Fate was more than any love that I have for anyone else. But do I break the commitment that I have now to rekindle the one that was taken away from me? This was not a good position to be in because I knew that someone was going to have to get hurt. I didn't want that to happen, but I also can't lead them on thinking one thing when I'm feeling the other. I just don't know what to do.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

The ringing of the phone released me from my tortured mind. I quickly reached for the phone that was beside the couch I was sitting on.

"Hello"

"Hey Nanoha" she sounded happy.

"Hey Fate. What going on?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to see if you wanted to go out for a bit"

I couldn't. Not when my feelings were all over the place.

"I can't today Fate. I'm really exhausted. Maybe tomorrow?"

"I can't do tomorrow. I have some meetings to go to, but I can definitely do this weekend if you're free"

"Yeah, that sounds great"

"Good. Well I'll see you then and do get some rest"

"I will. Bye Fate"

"Bye" and I hung up the phone.

As much as I wanted to see Fate, I couldn't. I really didn't trust myself around her at the moment, especially after we had almost kissed.

I make my way down the basement to read some more of Fate's letters. After pulling them out, I sat down on the couch.

Dear Nanoha,

I called your house again even though I was told not to. I didn't care. I just wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to hear you confirm everything that your father had told me, but your father kept saying the same thing. Every single time he said those hurtful words of you not wanting me anymore. I don't want to believe it Nanoha. Tell me….should I? I just don't know anymore. I don't know what to do anymore Nanoha. I love you so much, but I just don't know what to do anymore. Please tell me what to do.

Fate

Dear Nanoha,

Why won't you talk to me? I've been racking my brain trying to figure it out. I haven't been able to concentrate. My grades are going down. I wasn't playing my best in soccer because I could stop thinking about why you won't talk to me and we lost. We lost the game Nanoha. Tell me WHY Nanoha. Why?

I'm sorry Nanoha. I didn't mean it that way. I wasn't blaming my lost on you, but I can't think. I can't think straight anymore Nanoha. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've never been more confused in my life. And with you not telling me anything is making my confusion even worse. Nanoha…I'm begging you. Please tell me what you feel.

Fate

Nanoha,

Please. PLEASE Nanoha. I feel like I'm dying inside. What is going on Nanoha? I don't even know what to think anymore Nanoha. Do you even love me anymore? It's a simple question. I fear that you don't. I don't know what I would do if that was true. I don't want to be with anyone else Nanoha, but you. I've known it. I've known for a long time since we first met, that you were the one for me. The only one that I want to be with. I know you felt it to Nanoha. I know you did. So tell me what happened? Did that change? Do you STILL love me Nanoha?

Fate

Nanoha,

So it's true then? What your father told me is true, right? I never thought you would ever feel that way. It hurts Nanoha. My heart is breaking into little pieces, never to be reassembled again. It never will be without you in my life Nanoha. No one could ever fill my heart again. No one could ever fill your place.

Even though I feel it's over between us, I can't help but feel a little hope….hope for us Nanoha. Don't you see Nanoha? I can never love anyone else. Only you. Only you Nanoha. Tell me what I have to do to make you stay Nanoha. Tell me. Please tell me Nanoha. I will do anything just to keep you with me. Do you want me to stop playing soccer? I will do it Nanoha. I will leave and come back home just to be with you. Just tell me what you want and I'll do it.

Fate

Nanoha,

So there is nothing that will make you change your mind? I'm losing it Nanoha. I'm losing hope Nanoha. I thought that I could continue to fight for us, but I don't know if I can anymore. Not when you aren't fighting for me.

I feel so useless. I feel so lifeless Nanoha. So lifeless. I don't know how I feel anymore. I don't think I feel anything anymore. You were my reason for everything I've done. I don't know if I can continue on doing this anymore. There's nothing for me anymore. I just don't know.

Fate

I couldn't read anymore. I didn't want to read the last letter. Her pain was too much for me to bare. In the letters, there were many smeared words, which meant she had been crying while writing them and the dates were spread out further and further from the one before. She was losing hope, just like I did. It was hurting me just reading it.

I never realized just how much Fate was hurting until now. I wasn't the only one hurting. Fate was to. No, Fate was hurting more than I was. She had no one there for her. She was alone. I could never forgive my father for that. I couldn't forgive him for what he had done to us.

All I wanted and could think about was being with Fate right now.

~0~

I knock on the door and after a few seconds, it opens.

"Hey Nanoha. What brings you here?"

"I came to see Fate Ms. Testarossa"

"Please come in" she says with a smile.

Once inside I take my shoes off.

"Fa-" She yells upstairs before I cut her off.

"It's okay Ms. Testarossa, I would rather just go up"

"Okay"

"Thanks" she nods before walking into the kitchen.

I make my way up to Fate's room. The door was closed, so I knock on it.

"Come in" She doesn't look up from the book she's reading. "I'll be down in a sec mom. I just want to read a little more, okay?"

I didn't respond, which she looks up at me.

"Nanoha? What are you doing here?" She said getting off the bed.

"I…I just…"I couldn't even finish my sentence before I began to sob. She quickly hugs me.

"What's wrong Nanoha?" she was concerned.

"I'm sorry"

That's all I could say at the moment. I buried my head deeper into her shirt as the grip I had on it tightened.

"What are you sorry for Nanoha"

"I'm sorry because I couldn't stop your pain"

"It's okay Nanoha. I'm just happy that we are together now" She kisses the top of my head. "Hold on okay?" I nod. She walks over to the door. "Mom can you put my food in the microwave?"

"Sure"

"Thanks" And she closes the door. "Come on" she says softly as she pulled me gently towards the bed. I sit down. "Lay down" and I do it.

She climbs over me and lays down next to me.

"Come here" she says opening her right arm to me.

I slowly fall into the arm that instantly held onto to me. For some reason, I instantly felt at peace. I inhaled the smell of her. It was a smell that would always calm me.

"Well I never imagined that I would hold you like this again" she chuckles.

"Me neither"

"I feel whole right now, but I know this can't last" I could hear the sadness in her voice. I didn't want her to be sad right now.

"Let's not think of sad things right now"

"Okay"

We fell into a comfortable silence. I couldn't help, but to break it as I started laughing. I couldn't help, but think of the irony of my purpose being here.

"What's so funny?"

"Sorry. I was laughing because I came over to console you and I ended up being the one being consoled"

"You're more important to me than my own well being Nanoha"

"You shouldn't feel like that. You should be held to Fate" I can't help the way I feel. It isn't fair that she has to be strong all the time. She should have a shoulder to cry on too.

"It's because I love you Nanoha. I'd do anything just to see you happy" I knew she would, but not at the expense of her being sad. "Don't worry about it okay? I know what you're thinking. I'll be fine" She tightened her arms around me. I knew she wouldn't be fine though. And for that, I knew I wouldn't be either.

I was starting to become sleepy. Being held by Fate always made me comfortable to the point that I would always fall asleep.

"I'm getting sleepy"

"Then go to sleep. Nanoha?" Fate said since I didn't reply to what she said.

"I remember in one of your letters you said you made a promise to me when you were holding me like this one winter"

"Wanna refresh my mind? I'm quite unsure of what you're referring to" I knew she was lying, but I'll play along.

"You promised that one day you would marry me under the snow that we love so much"

"Really? I said that?"

"Yeah you did"

"I don't remember" She said giggling a little.

"Even if you don't remember, if things were different….I wish that it could have come true" She stopped giggling after that.

"Nanoha…."

"I wonder what other promises….you'll make….. tonight"

The last thing I remember was feeling soft lips on my forehead before I let my dreams take me.

~0~

I woke up feeling safer than I felt in a long time. I look up and saw Fate's sleeping face. I hadn't seen her sleep in a long time. It brought a smile to my face just to be able to see it again.

I think I was so wrapped up in Fate's cute sleeping face that I didn't feel the warmth under my hand. It felt like something soft. I look down. How my GOSH! My hand was on Fate's right breast. I was in a serious panic mode now. Hmmm, it was so soft, nice and…. NO! Snap out of it Nanoha Takamachi. Even though I was scolding myself, my hand took it upon itself it to grope the soft pillow. Shit! She moaned. I'm in deep trouble. I was scared if I moved my hand, she would wake up or something. I didn't want to get caught with my hands on Fate's breast. I would never hear the end of the teasings I was sure to get. What to do? What to do?

"This is a great way to wake up" BUSTED. "You know you could have woken me up if you wanted to do something naughty, Nanoha.

"Fate!" I say blushing and pouting. "It's not what you think" She laughs.

"It's okay my sweet pouting baby, cuddle bunny will let it slide just this once. Next time I won't be so nice"

"Whatever" I remove myself from her.

A knock comes at door.

"Are you two up? I've made breakfast"

"Okay mom, we'll be down in a sec"

We went down to the kitchen as requested. Ms. Testarossa was putting eggs and pancakes on plates and walked them over to the table.

"I'm surprised that you two came down. You two looked comfortable in the position you were in" she said teasingly. I blush and I saw that Fate was too.

"You saw?" Fate said in an embarrassed voice.

"It was by accident. I came in to see if you were up since you usually are around 8am. I was startled to see my daughter being groped in her sleep" She laughs. I was sure I looked like a tomato.

"It was an accident you know? I woke up like that"

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Come and eat"

Man this sucked. Being teased by Fate was one thing, but to have Ms. Testarossa tease me too….this was a nightmare. I wonder how the rest of this breakfast is going to go.

~0~

That breakfast was horrible. I could have cried from all the teasing I had received. My lips and cheeks were hurting from all the pouting I had done. I was just happy to be walking to my car right now.

"I see where you get your teasing ways from Fate"

"I guess so. I'm proud of it though"

"You sure are"

"I'm sorry for the trouble we caused you" she pouts

"Don't give me that face. You're still a meanie"

"I know" she laughs evilly.

"Meanie"

I stormed over to my car. I unlocked and was about to get in before Fate stopped me. I turned around and there it was. Those puppy eyes…..Damn it.

"Forgive me?" she poked her bottom lip out. This girl, I swear.

"I forgive you Fate"

"Good" she breaks out into a smile. "Nanoha you know that you can talk to me about anything, right?" she said seriously.

"I know Fate. Thank you" I stepped on my toes and kiss her on the cheek before I hug her.

Fate hugs me back holding me tightly. It seemed like she didn't want to let go of me. I didn't want her to, but I had to get back home before Yunno got there.

"Um, Fate?"

"Hmm?" she said lazily.

"I have to go"

"Sorry. I didn't want to let you go" I smile.

I kissed her once more on her cheek and she did the same. I got in the car and strapped myself in.

"Bye Nanoha."

"Bye" and she closed the door for me.

Once the car was on, I drove off. I couldn't help, but glance back at her in my rear view. I hated leaving her. I don't know if I could keep on doing this.

~0~

I walked in the house feeling the torture come back to my mind. Things seemed to be more complicated than ever now. I just wanted it to stop, but it wasn't as easy as it seemed.

"Hey Nanoha" Yunno kisses me.

"Hey"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I just want to be alone"

"Okay"

I walked passed him without saying anything else, heading for the basement. I fell on the couch. My mind was in two directions. One direction was going towards Fate's and the other was in Yunno's. Now the only thing I have to do now, is figure out which direction I want to take.

Hope you guys liked the chapter and sorry for the lateness. Please review of course. Two things…..The next chapter is the climax of the story, which means this story will be changed to rated M. Hehe. Couldn't resist.