TEENAGE DREAM
Chapter 3
A new person
"Darren?" I heard a woman's familiar voice in the distance. "He's awake! Darren, can you hear me?"
"Mom?" I asked while everything around me was getting clearer.
"Yes, it's me, Darren." My mom answered with her smooth voice. It was very nice to hear her voice.
"What happened? Where am I?" I asked trying to sit on the bed I was lying, in a place I didn't know. My head was aching and I was kind of dizzy. I felt a deep pain in my ribs when I tried to sit. It was very painful.
"No, son. Don't make any physical effort." My mom said again with her smooth voice. I finally saw her face; she was kind of worried, angry and jittery. "You're in the school health nursing. What's the last thing you remember?"
"I don't know." I answered trying hard to remember what happened and why I was there. But the pain wasn't allowing me to think. My head was about to explode. I touched my temple and I noticed I had it bandaged. Then a few images came up into my mind. "Yes, I was in the Donuts and Coffee club, talking to this girl. And then I heard screams from the hallway. They were fighting, it was a terrible fight. That asshole." I said furious when I remembered Jim and Brian hitting the girl and then when Brian tried to hit Jen.
"Manners, Darren." My mom said severely.
"But mom, he's a real asshole. What kind of man would hit a girl until she is unconscious? And he was about to hit Jen, I wouldn't let it happen, mom." I said still furious for what happened.
"And then you hit him, Dar. You shouldn't have done it, I told you to stop." Jen's trembling voice suddenly said. I turned to see Jen looking at me worried. Chuck, my brother, was next to her looking at me serious.
"Yeah well, I wouldn't stand idly while that asshole was about to hit you, Jen." I said frowning. Suddenly it seemed that what I did was wrong, but I didn't regret it even if now I was in pain.
"Darren, what kind of idiot are you? Have you looked at Clerk? He's a giant and you're just a tiny guy. What made you think you could beat him?" Chuck asked frowning and serious.
"Charles, manners." My mom said looking at him severely.
"What? He's an idiot. Instead calling an authority, the stupid pounced on him." Chuck said upset. "He could have killed you, Darren."
"Whatever. I'm alive and Jen is safe." I said shrugging, upset and grumpy.
"Yeah, with a black eye and with a punched hole in your bottom lip; not to mention the laceration of your forehead and the bruises on your stomach and chest." Chuck huffed upset.
"Whatever, Chuck. I'm gonna get better sooner or later." I replied, frowning and looking away, really annoyed.
"Dar." Jen said smoothly, taking my hand and it made me calm down. I glanced at her, she had a sad look. "We're saying this for your own good, because we're worried. You shouldn't mess with those people. Now everything ended up in a not so bad way, but you don't know what else they can do."
"But Jen, they were going to hit you. If they did this to me, I don't wanna imagine what they could have done to you. That asshole was out of control and he really couldn't contain his anger, he would've left you unconscious." I said softly looking at her.
"And I thank you, Dar. But please don't do it again." Jen said looking at me worried and distressed.
"Then don't do stupid things again, Jen. Why did you have to step between Brian and that girl? It wasn't your fight and you risked yourself." I said with eyes wide open, still in disbelief because she did something as stupid as that.
"I know it wasn't my fight. But Brian was hitting her hard, Dar. And no one was doing anything to help her, everybody was laughing at her as cold-hearted people. I couldn't see that situation and not do anything at all." Jen answered looking down with sad eyes.
"Then you should understand why I did what I did." I said looking at Jen and I squeezed her hand. "Jen, you're a swell and kind-hearted person; but you shouldn't have done it for a girl you don't even know that much. Maybe she asked for it, we don't know what kind of things she could have done to get it."
"How could you say something like that, Darren? The girl hasn't done anything wrong, and those popular guys are the stupid ones who do that because they think they can rule the school. Only because the girl faced him and defended her pride, Brian hit her unconscious." Jen said frowning and astonished.
"I don't know Jen. Maybe you're picturing her like your brother. Maybe she isn't a good person unlike your brother." I said shrugging. Fuck, I shouldn't have said it, it was very rough and I realized it as soon as I saw Jen's aghast expression.
"It wasn't like that, Darren. And don't talk about my brother as if you knew him. I can't believe that you, out of all people, are saying that she isn't a good person after you listened to her thoughts and feelings." Jen said kind of upset. Why was she defending her that way? "And for the record, you're still alive because she pounced on Jim to stop him from hitting you. And for that reason, she's now in hospital."
"I...I didn't know it." I said now feeling guilty and bad for that girl. I couldn't believe she had the guts to face Jim that way. She was fine before Jim punched her, and because of my fault she was now in hospital. And I thought shit about her; I was a bad person unlike Jen, who had the guts to face Brian for her. "How is she?"
"Still unconscious. She's not good; Brian and Jim were really harsh on her." Jen said looking down, worried and sad.
"I..." I started to say even if I didn't know what to say. But the nurse suddenly came into the room.
"Well, I see you're awake. How are you feeling?" The old nurse asked kindly while she started checking my pulse.
"I'm fine, just sore." I answered still thinking about that girl and what she has done.
"It's normal after the fight we witnessed earlier." The nurse said still kindly and now checking my eyes.
"How is he?" My mom asked worried.
"He's actually really good. The sore is normal and he doesn't have major injuries. I'd say he's ready to go home right now as long as he rests the enough to recover. He'd be able to return to school tomorrow." The nurse said smiling.
"But I'm still sore." I complained like a child.
"But with this magical pill you're gonna feel better." The nurse said showing me a pink pill. "Take one now and another one before sleeping."
I nodded and I took the pill as the nurse said. I really wanted the pain to stop and I was a kind of hyperactive guy, so I couldn't rest for so long. That pill was really disgusting, but well, it was to feel better.
"So, can we go now?" My mom asked again.
"Yes, Mrs. Criss. Make sure he rests the enough." The nurse said smiling politely at my mom before leaving.
My mom and Chuck helped me to stand up and Jen took my backpack. I was really happy to go home after that terrible day. The only thing that wasn't terrible was that I finally got to talk to the hot girl. But then I remembered the weird way she was looking at Freckles and Jim after the fight. She seemed to be angry and disturbed. Of course everybody was kind of disturbed, but there was something else in her look that I couldn't stop thinking about. I was missing something there. When I was walking through the hallway with help from Chuck, I heard a conversation that it was more like a dispute.
"I'm out of this. We agreed you wouldn't hurt her!" The hot girl yelled angrily.
"I thought you hated her." Jim answered frivolously.
"Well, yes, I do. But this was too much, Jim. You could have killed her." The hot girl yelled again angrily.
"Well, that bitch deserved it. She pounced on me. I hit her like a boss." Jim said proud of himself. Dickhead, I thought.
"Yeah, Jim! How rude you are for hitting a girl younger than you!" The hot girl exclaimed sarcastically. "I'm out of this shit, don't count on me anymore."
"But baby, she's a stupid loser girl." Jim said taking her by her hips.
"Don't call me baby, you blithering idiot." The hot girl said furious and she got away from him. "And I'm breaking up with you, dolt."
"Baby, wait!" Jim yelled while the hot girl was walking away.
"Fuck you, Jim!" The girl yelled without looking at him.
"You bitch, I'm gonna ruin you and your fucking plastic face." Jim yelled in a rage knocking a locker.
I stood there, hearing the conversation in shock. That conversation was odd and I could barely get what they were talking about. I don't know, it just seemed they were talking about Freckles, but I wasn't sure. No, it had to be Freckles because Jim hit her and she was the one who pounced over him; but maybe Jim also hit another girl. And why would the hot girl hate Freckles? Freckles was barely noticed in school and I couldn't get why a popular and gorgeous girl like the cheerleader could hate a shy and unnoticeable girl like Freckles. Maybe Freckles has done something really bad to the cheerleader; after all, I didn't know Freckles that much to be sure she was a good person. And the cheerleader mentioned something that she was out of that, out of what? But I could be almost sure that the cheerleader wasn't a bad person because she didn't want to hurt Freckles, even though she hated her; at least it was what she told him. But anyway, I didn't even know if they were talking about Freckles, I was making up things in my mind as always. As if I was a private eye; hey, that was a good topic for a drama play. Fine, the only thing I was sure it was that the cheerleader broke up with Jim. That was a fantastic thing for me; Jim was an asshole and now I had the way free to get her. Oh yeah, I was going to start flirting with her shamelessly, until she realizes I'm a better option for her. Chuck was now looking at me frowning because I made him stop and my mom was looking at me concerned. Meanwhile, Jen was also kind of shocked; I thought I was looking just like her. She glanced at me and then she shook her head in disgust. Why did she do it? I don't know, maybe I was just being susceptible.
"Darren, is he one of the people who hit you?" My mom asked concerned.
"Yeah." I answered bitterly.
At this point I couldn't believe that neither Jim nor Brian were expelled. At least they could have got any kind of detention. But of course they wouldn't be expelled because they were the popular guys and their parents were surely representative and wealthy people; so Brian and Jim were well-off in the school. My mom tried to walk to Jim, but I took her by the arm.
"What are you doing mom?" I asked disturbed.
"What do you think I'm doing? I'll talk to him." She answered quietly.
"No, you won't do it, mom." Chuck said firmly. "We're going home, Darren is gonna rest and later we're gonna talk to the principal. Is not that Darren is innocent on this."
Sometimes I wondered why sometimes Chuck could be a pain in the ass, playing to be my dad or something only because he was my big bro. Anyway, we had the best relationship we could have; he was the best big bro. And this time he was right, I wouldn't let my mom talk to that asshole. After my mom and Chuck argued, my mom agreed that Chuck was right, so then we walked to my mother's car. When I was about to get into the car, Jen stopped me.
"Dar, I'm sorry but I won't go to your place. I'll visit Freckles at the hospital, to see how she's doing." Jen said softly.
"Are you serious Jen?" I asked in disbelief raising my eyebrows. I couldn't get why Jen cared too much about this girl.
"Yeah, I'm serious Dar." Jen answered looking deeply and serious into my eyes, in a very intimidating way. Yes, whenever she looked at me that way meant that she was speaking in all seriousness. "I hope the pain can stop. Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow morning?"
"Yeah..." I started saying, still thinking about Jen and this girl. Maybe Jen wasn't telling me something I didn't know yet.
"Good. I'll be at your place at 7am." Jen said before kissing my cheek to say goodbye.
"Jen, wait. I'll go with you, to the hospital." I said quickly before she could leave.
"No, you have to rest." Jen said serious.
"Hey guys, is there any reason why you don't get your ass in the car?" Chuck asked a bit annoyed from the car.
"Yes, actually, yes. I'm going home later." I answered closing the car door.
"Darren, get in the car! You have to rest." My mom said firmly from the car.
"I'll be home soon. Now I have to go to the hospital." I said while I intertwined my arm with Jen's arm, because even though I was a bit better, I was still in pain.
"Everett, get in the car." My mom demanded again, this time authoritatively. She was never this authoritative, this only happened when she was mad.
"Mom, I really have to go to the hospital to see how my...Umm, friend...is doing." I said looking away. Freckles actually wasn't my friend, but I knew it was the only way my mother would let me go to the hospital.
"Fine. But both of you get in the car. We're gonna drive you there and we're gonna wait for you. You can't walk that much, Darren." My mom said now softening her voice. She was the most understanding and sympathetic person in earth, that was one of the reasons why I loved her so much.
The way to the hospital wasn't quiet at all. Once my mom and Chuck noticed I was better, they started joking about what happened to me earlier and how terrible I looked now; Jen also joked about it. They were always joking and a lot of people would think it wasn't right, but they weren't like most of people, I didn't have a normal family and that was what I loved so much. They always knew the way to make me smile whenever I was feeling bad. When we arrived to the hospital, Chuck and my mom waited in the car while Jen and I went to Freckles's room. At first, they didn't want to let us visit her because we weren't her family, but at the end, they agreed when we begged too much. When we were in front of her room door, the nurse stopped us.
"Fortunately she regained consciousness and she's awake now; but she can't talk yet, so please don't make her talk and be quiet. Visiting hour finishes in an hour." The nurse said looking at us severely and we just nodded.
She opened the door and then she left, leaving us alone. The room was very quiet and no one was there. I thought that her parents would be there, but they weren't, maybe they didn't know she was there or maybe they couldn't be there at that time. There was only one bed; she was in a private room, surely her parents paid for it or something. In that bed there she was, lying in bed with her eyes opened and looking at the ceiling. She was connected to medical equipment and I had no idea what those were for. Jen and I stood in the door, looking at her, very disrupted for the outrageous image we were seeing. Her face looked ghastly, she was really pale and every part of her face was swollen; she had a black eye from the other fight, but this time she had both of her eyes bruised, one of them was so swollen to the point she couldn't open it, and she had a bloodshot eye. She had a big stitch in her jaw and other stitch in her temple. Her nose was fractured and she also had minor scratches all over her face. Then I looked at her arms, the only part of her body I could see, and she had few injuries there, but those were minor. She was really bad and a feeling of anger took over my body when I remembered that those assholes weren't expelled after what they've done. How couldn't they expel those assholes if they almost killed this poor girl? Why did they do something like that? What has this girl done to deserve this kind of excessive abuse? How could they be so cold-hearted to do something like that? While I was ablaze with anger, feeling powerless to face this situation; Jen, next to me, was shedding some tears in silence, but as soon as she noticed I was looking at her, she wiped her tears away and she pretended to be bleak. Jen was the first to walk towards her in silence. Freckles didn't move and she remained looking at the ceiling. Apparently, Jen was shedding tears again, so I just walked towards her to take her hand. But then I saw the girl lying in bed. The girl had a blank stare and tears were streaming down her face in silence. Her stare was empty and I'd think she wasn't feeling anything at all if it wasn't for her tears. When Jen and I were looking at her, the girl seemed not to have noticed our presence, or at least it seemed like that because she didn't glance at our direction. It was a heartbreaking situation to see her like that; she seemed so vulnerable and hopeless. I didn't know why I started to feel a pressure in my chest, as though a feeling of deep anguish was piercing my heart. I felt pity for that girl and all her distressing presence, I felt bad for her vulnerability. I didn't know her and I shouldn't be feeling like that. But I knew why I was feeling this bad: she was like that because she tried to help me with those bullies. She was like that because she was trying to stop the bullying directed to her, because she was asserting her rights to be happy and safe, because she was asserting her rights to be herself without letting anyone bring her down for that. She was like that because she was the only person who faced those bullies with courage, she was the only person who tried to put an end to discrimination, harass and abuse; she against all the people who were coward like me. I started to wonder why people had to be so mean and why they enjoyed the suffering of the other; I couldn't find any answer. For some odd reason, not so odd, I started to shed tears in silence. Neither she nor anyone deserved that. Jen rested her head on my shoulder while she was still crying in silence; surely for her this situation was rougher than for me, because she was surely remembering her little brother. I was the first to talk.
"Hi, Freckles." I greeted kindly, breaking the silence and feeling kind of uncomfortable for that. "How are you doing?"
Ugh, stupid! She couldn't talk, it was the first thing the nurse said and I was so stupid to ask how she was doing. Anyway, she didn't move, she didn't attempt to talk and she didn't glance at our direction. She remained steady, still shedding tears, still looking at the ceiling, and still with her blank stare. It was really grievous to see her like that. The times I saw her, she was serious but whenever someone talked to her in a nice way, she always looked at that someone with bright eyes and smiled kindly. Now she seemed to be a different girl. I didn't know what to say, I never experienced a situation like this. And I didn't even know if she was listening to me or not.
"I...I wanted to thank you. Jen told me what you did for me. And I want to thank you very much." I said looking into her eyes. Nothing happened.
"We won't let this happen ever again, Freckles." Jen finally said with choked voice. "We've got your back. You're safe, so don't be afraid."
I looked at Jen who was still crying in silence. She was a damn of wonderful person and she wouldn't stop surprising me. She always knew exactly what to say and I didn't know she was this caring person.
"Sorry to interrupt, but the visiting hour has finished." The nurse said from the door and Jen and I nodded, looking at her.
"Take care, Freckles. I'll be waiting to see you again in school." Jen said smiling at her, but the girl didn't look at her. Jen waited a few seconds before she left the room.
I started walking next to Jen, but then I stopped. I had this need to tell her something else, I didn't know why, I just had that feeling. I turned around and I walked to her bed. I kneeled and I got closer. I could see every injured part of her face and my heart skipped a beat.
"You're so brave and I'm proud of you. Not everybody would have done what you've done." I whispered in her ear. Maybe it was inappropriate, but I didn't care, I just needed to say it. "Do not ever give up. You've got a friend in me and I'll be here to help you face those bullies. You're not alone on this, keep it in mind."
I leaned to kiss her forehead, trying to be careful not to hurt her. I knew I shed a tear on her face; I knew the kiss lasted several seconds. What I didn't know was the reason why I did it, or why I told her she's got a friend in me; I just felt it and for some weird reason I'd never understand, I felt as if I were already her real friend. But what I most remember is what happened after I kissed her forehead. Her eyes were no longer looking at the ceiling; her big eyes were looking deeply into mine. What I felt in the moment she looked at me, was something I can't really explain. Her eyes were literally fixed on mine and she had the saddest and most helpless look I've ever seen in my life. I still couldn't get why she was looking at me that way, I only know that her look made me feel a bunch of feelings deep down my heart. I let my mind soar in terms of the fact I head right off her look. It was as if she was trying to tell me something with her gaze, something she couldn't say out loud, something as though it was her deepest secret. She seemed to be desperate and also hopeless; she seemed to be downhearted, troubled, tired and frightened. But there was also something else I couldn't get, it was something as if she was worried, but not for herself, she was worried about something else. Her gaze was very intense and I couldn't take my eyes off her, because I was trying hard to get what she wanted to tell me, because I knew she wanted to tell me something. I always thought that no one can talk with their eyes, that it was only a lame invent of movies; but ever since she looked at me that way, I knew it was possible; it's just I never learned how to read the eyes of someone else. Instinctively, I took her hand and I squeezed it softly, still staring into her eyes. I didn't know why I did it; it was as though someone else was controlling my movements, as if I were a puppet. When I did it, she broke the eye contact and she looked blankly at the ceiling again, shedding tears again. When she broke the eye contact, it was as if the spell to which I was subjected, was over. I realized I was looking at her like a fool and I realized I was holding her hand. I was just too taken aback. I stood up and, before leaving, I glanced at her again, but she was still staring the ceiling. When I closed the door behind me, I just stood there, more bewildered than ever.
"Dar, are you okay?" Jen asked as soon as she noticed me and my face.
"I don't know." I answered looking down, trying to settle down everything that happened in that room when Freckles and I were alone. Then I looked up to Jen. "She looked at me. And it was heartbreaking."
Unable to control it, tears started to stream down my face. I'd never understand what happened to me in that moment.
The last thing you remembered was Jim's fist going directly to your face, and then everything turned dark and silent. You couldn't understand why you were in another place you didn't know and how you got there. The pain in your whole body was unbearable and everything was blurry. When you opened your eyes, the only you could see was blurry people walking around, checking you. The only thing you could hear was a machine indicating your pulse. You tried to sit in bed, but you couldn't move; you tried to ask someone where you were, but you couldn't talk. Then you started feeling tired, so tired; your eyes were heavy and you couldn't stay with eyes open any longer. Dark again. You heard steps coming closer, you heard how the steps stopped next to you, and you felt how someone leaned over. But you couldn't open your eyes, you wanted to open your eyes, you wanted to move and you wanted to talk, but you simply couldn't.
"This is what bitches get when they're annoying. Enjoy your deplorable life as long as you can, fat ass." Someone's voice whispered in your ear.
You couldn't open your eyes to see who was saying it, you didn't recognize the voice, and you couldn't tell if it was a woman's or man's voice. You wanted to scream in fear, you wanted to shout help; but you couldn't. The person who was harassing you was there now and you couldn't defend yourself, that person could even kill you and you couldn't do anything to prevent it. You were scared, your heart started beating faster, but your body couldn't respond, you were motionless and speechless. Fear and exasperation was all you were feeling.
"If you tell anyone I was here, I'll disconnect the machine that keeps you alive. I've noticed you've got new friends. Well, if you tell them a damn fucking word of what I'm saying or doing, they'll be in danger and I'm gonna destroy them slowly in the worst way possible." The same voice said again and you just wanted to scream. "You need to play this game alone; you really don't want other people suffer all the consequences only you should be suffering. Or are you also that selfish and black-hearted bitch?"
That person had to be someone who knew you well. Why was that someone there? Why wasn't anybody checking if everything was alright? You needed to see who that person was, talking to you in a morbid way.
"And beware your behavior. You shouldn't pretend something you aren't. Let's face it, bitch. You're nothing but a damn loser and stupid resistless person. Isn't it funny to know that no one is willing to help you? Except for that other bitch and that dickhead guy. Well, soon they're gonna be out of this game, either for your wise decision to stop talking to them or for what I'll have to do to them if you keep talking to them." The person said ominously, laughing in a macabre way. "You're surely wondering what the goal of this game is; well, I'll let you know: To fucking destroy you until you kneel down with your last breathe begging for a chance to live while people see your repulsive lack of pride and courage, to make them see what kind of slut you are. Why are we doing this? Because at the end, no one wants a loser living in this world, you make people sick, you shouldn't exist, fat ass. Remember we're watching you and we know a lot of things about you to destroy you if you don't play fair. Watch out, slut."
Then you heard the steps walking away from you and closing the door of the room. You still couldn't do anything and you wanted to cry in exasperation. What have you done to deserve this? As far as you knew, you never hurt anyone; there was no reason to be threatened like this. You needed to walk away from the people you liked; otherwise they were going to suffer because of your fault. How could you do it? Then you realized you weren't safe anywhere. You just didn't know where they could appear or who those people could be. This was turning into a very ghoulish situation and you couldn't find any way to escape. You didn't know how this was going to end and you couldn't get how they managed to find you. You only wanted to wake up from this nightmare, aware that it wasn't a nightmare. Darkness and silence. The pain made you regain consciousness again. You tried to move but you still couldn't; you tried to talk but you couldn't; you tried to open your eyes and this time you could, but only with one eye. At first everything was blurry but then everything started to be clearer. The room was empty, you were completely alone, and you were in a hospital. You looked at your hand and arms, the only part of your body you could see. You had few injuries. Then you looked at the ceiling, thinking about everything that happened since you started school. You had the hope that things would get better, but each time it was only getting worse. You started crying the tears you couldn't cry when you heard the voice of that person. You had no way out. Either way, you would end up hurt; and not only you but also all those people who were nice to you. You needed to keep Darren and Jen away from you, for their own good. And that was hurtful. Right when you were finding your way to be happy, a thing like this came to happen. If this wasn't hell, then what was it? Voices and steps. That was what you could hear while you were staring blankly and hopelessly at the ceiling. You couldn't see who it was because you were too weak, at this point you didn't care if it was the one who was bullying you. You just wanted to end with this hell, in any way. If they wanted to kill you, they were going to do so; honestly at this point you didn't care because anyway you were alone and it was pointless to live only by your own.
"Hi, Freckles." You heard a kind voice. It was Darren. "How are you doing?"
You couldn't help crying. Darren's voice was a really nice voice to hear and more in that moment; he had something in his voice that could make you calm down, whatever it was happening. But you couldn't look at him, not because physically you couldn't but because you remembered that ghoulish voice threatening you. You needed to stay away from him even if it was going to be really hard. You remembered when, months ago, your only dream was to talk to him, to be friends with this stunning guy; and now that you finally got the chance to talk to him, you couldn't do it because you didn't want the people who were harassing you start to harass him as well. You wanted to look at him, you wanted to talk to him, you wanted to know how he was after the fight; but you needed to hold back your desires for his own good. If only you could be happy and have a normal life like others, this would be different. But you had a dagger in your neck. You tried to focus on the ceiling, trying hard not to look at him while more tears started to stream down your face.
"I...I wanted to thank you. Jen told me what you did for me. And I want to thank you very much." Darren said again.
It was very hurtful to hear. You wanted to tell him that he shouldn't thank you because you were the one who should thank him for just being there; because he cared about you somehow, otherwise he wouldn't be in the hospital. You wanted to thank him because he was one of the reasons why you were being happy now; he was one of the reasons why you could face those bullies. But you couldn't do it, you needed to keep it in mind. You tried to look blankly at the ceiling. This was the only way you could keep them away from you.
"We won't let this happen ever again, Freckles." Jen finally said with choked voice. "We've got your back. You're safe, so don't be afraid."
Your heart skipped a beat when you heard Jen's voice too. She was also there. She, the only person who defended you, who helped you, who faced those bullies to protect you for the very first time in all your years in school. You had no idea why she was doing all of that for you, why she was being so nice to you, why she cared about you that much. She had no idea how much she now meant to you. First it was the hug and then it was she helping you. And now she was saying all of those beautiful and caring words, the nicest words that someone has ever told you. If only she knew that this wasn't about a simple case of bullying; if only she knew the way you were being threatened. Once again, you tried your best not to look at them. This was too much to bear.
"Sorry to interrupt, but the visiting hour has finished." You heard how the nurse's voice said from the door.
"Take care, Freckles. I'll be waiting to see you again in school." Jen said kindly and you had to contain yourself not to look at her.
You heard steps walking away from you, and you felt really sad because they were leaving, but at the same time you were feeling more relaxed because you couldn't keep avoiding looking at them for any longer. But then you heard steps walking to you, then you felt how someone kneeled next to your bed and you felt how someone was leaning over. You realized it was Darren because of his smell. He was very close and your heart started beating faster, this wasn't good. Now you seriously couldn't contain yourself any longer.
"You're so brave and I'm proud of you. Not everybody would have done what you've done." Darren whispered in your ear. You were just like dying inside and more tears came out from your eyes. Darren Criss, the guy you loved in secret, was telling you that he was proud of you and anyone was proud of you before. This was too much for your feelings. "Do not ever give up. You've got a friend in me and I'll be here to help you face those bullies. You're not alone on this, keep it in mind."
And then he did something you'd have never expected: He kissed your forehead and it lasted several seconds. Those were the most beautiful seconds. Darren told you that you had a friend in him; he was telling you that he was your friend as you always dreamed. Darren was telling you that you weren't alone as you thought; he was telling you that he was going to help you face those bullies. And he kissed your forehead in a very sweet way; in a way that made you feel loved. At this point, you really needed to look at him. When he stopped kissing you, you looked straight into his eye. At first he didn't look at you, but then he realized you were looking at him, so then his deep hazel eyes fixed on your eyes. You couldn't look at anything but his eyes. You couldn't talk to him and you couldn't make any movement, otherwise the person who was harassing you was going to find out you didn't want to walk away from him. You tried your best to tell Darren with your eyes all you were feeling, all that was happening; but he seemed not to understand, he seemed to be disturbed. You didn't know how you did it, but suddenly all your feelings were reflected in your eyes: the anger, the fear, the sadness, the worry, the desperation, the tiredness and the hopeless. You wanted to let him know that you needed him but you couldn't stay near him; you wanted to let him know that you were thankful; you wanted to let him know that you needed help; you needed someone to stand by you. You needed to let him know that you were in danger, but that they were also in danger. You wanted to let him know how much he meant to you but also you wanted to let him know that he needed to stay away from you, that this was really hard but it had to be like that. But Darren seemed to be more bewildered than ever, you knew he wasn't getting what you were saying because his deep hazel eyes couldn't stop looking at yours very confused. Then he took one of your hands and squeezed it softly and reassuringly. It was the best you could feel; you felt his very soft and firm hand again. It was an inexplicable feeling what you felt when he held your hand. All your fears seemed to vanish and there was just this feeling of relief. But it was the calm before the storm. In your mind, you heard that malicious voice again, telling you that he or she or they were going to hurt Darren if you kept doing those kinds of things. A deep anguish of bleakness pierced your chest. Even though Darren was the person who could make you feel that nothing was too bad, you needed to let him go because he was this kind of awesome guy and you wouldn't forgive yourself if something bad came to happen to him. So you looked deeply into his eyes for the last time before looking at the ceiling again, leaving him more confused than ever.
"I'm sorry, Darren. This is for your good." You thought in your mind when you were staring blankly at the ceiling and Darren let out your hand.
You heard his steps walking away from you and then you heard how he closed the door behind him. Now you were alone again. This was what the people who were harassing you wanted: to be alone. In this macabre game for them, they were going to win and you couldn't do anything to change it. You felt as if you couldn't live your own life because others were living it, making with your life whatever they wanted. This was frustrating and depressing.
TWO WEEKS LATER…
The first two weeks after the fight were really messy for me. I still felt pain in the parts of my face where Brian had beaten me, but the pain was mild. It surprised me that neither Brian nor Jim attempted to beat me again; yeah, they looked at me threateningly and furiously, but they did nothing. Without doubt, the worst was the way people looked at me when I passed by the hallways or when I was in class. Well, they had their reasons, because everybody would pay attention to the guy who had a black eye, a laceration on his forehead and a cut on his bottom lip. People looked at me terrified as if I were Freddy Krueger and I wondered why I didn't go to school dressed up as him, it'd have been funny. But also some of them looked at me in a weird and rough way; surely this was the way the "losers" felt every time the popular people looked at them. Maybe I was now a loser for those people, but I honestly didn't give a damn fuck. They could call me whatever they wanted and they could think whatever they wanted about me as long as I was happy and proud of what I did or who I was. Unlike me, Jen wasn't feeling good with this situation. Sometimes women could be rougher than men. While the men resorted to physical violence, women resorted to verbal abuse; and this last one could be worse than the first one. So yes, Jen had to bear being verbal abused by girls in school. Whenever I could, I defended her because for some reason Jen, instead defending herself, shut herself and that was making her be sad almost all the time. That was a damn weird thing from Jen. Anyway, I knew that soon this situation was going to end; it always happened after a while. You stop being an object of amusement and derision when they get bored of you and they find someone else to bother. Nasty but true story.
That day, Jen made me worry like never before. There was something wrong with her, but as much as I insisted, she wouldn't tell me anything. She seemed to be scared and disturbed for something, I just didn't know what that something was and I needed to find it out. It happened after our lunch, after she left the ladies bathroom. During lunch she was doing moderately well, but then she left the bathroom with a horrified face. The first I thought it was that some girl bothered her, but Jen denied it. She told me I should stop worrying about her because she was fine, but her eyes and the way she was talking weren't telling me the same. While I was walking with Jen, thinking what could be wrong with Jen, I saw her, I saw Freckles near her locker. The way I felt when I saw her face was something I would never understand. I was happy to see her again in school because it meant she was better, I felt relieved because I honestly thought she couldn't make it, I thought she was going to be transferred to another school where she could be safe; but I also felt worried. I wasn't only worried because maybe those bullies could do what they did before, I was also worried because of the way she looked, the way everybody was looking at her and the way her presence was. And by presence I meant the way she was walking, the way she was looking at everybody and the way she was dressed. This wasn't the same person I met the first day of school. To be clearer, she was walking in an introverted way, looking at everybody with suspicion and fear; her bright presence had disappeared and now it was as though there was a dark shadow surrounding her. And the way she was dressed helped to create that atmosphere around her: Unlike the first days of school, she was now wearing black long stretchy leggings, a black sleeveless shirt with metal studs and black buskin cow leather boot; not to mention that now she was wearing black eye shadow and outlined eyes. I couldn't recognize her, I didn't like the way she was looking now and I knew she was doing it because she was feeling really down inside. Jen was the first to walk towards her; unlike me that I stood there, still not believing she changed roundly her appearance. Jen hugged her and Freckles reacted in a very weird way. She didn't hug her back like that day we were outside; this time she tried to get away from Jen. I saw that Jen whispered something at her, like a secret or something, and Freckles looked around and then she looked at Jen disturbed; telling Jen something in a whisper. Obviously I couldn't hear a damn shit of what they were talking about, but it didn't seem to be a good thing judging by their faces. Finally, I decided to walk towards her.
"Hi Freckles, it's nice to have you back." I greeted, grinning warmly. Yes, it was nice to see her again but not this way, though. She still had a black and swollen eye and I could notice the scars on her jaw and forehead.
"Yeah, same." She answered curtly, looking around.
Well, that was weird because as far as I remembered, I was the one who always looked around to check if someone was looking at me whenever I was with her; and now she was the one who was doing it and she never did it before. And the way she answered me? She wasn't like that, she hasn't even smiled, and she always smiled, at least faintly. She was serious and apparently kind of nervous. It seemed as if she wasn't comfortable around us like before.
"Sorry, I have to go to the stupid class. See you around." Freckles said coldly and she turned around but I took her by the arm to stop her.
Holy shit, I didn't like at all the way she looked at me. She looked at me as if I were, I don't know, touching her ass or something. She looked at me kind of furious, actually furious wasn't the word, it was more like "What the hell are you doing?". I had to admit it was kind of scary. She let out her arm harshly. Dammit, I only took her by the arm! Was it that bad?
"Don't touch me again." She said coldly, looking deeply into my eyes. She was making me feel as if I were a perverted or something like that. Anyway, very deep in her eyes I noticed a hint of sadness instead anger.
"Sorry. It was an instinctive reaction; I didn't know you could get that mad." I said looking at her bewildered while Jen was just looking at the situation aghast.
"Well, now you know." She said coldly again and then she looked away serious.
"I just wanted to stop you since we're going to the same class. Spanish III, remember?" I said still looking at her intently. There was something weird about the situation that wasn't convincing me.
"Yeah, right. Well, I'm going to that lame and stupid class." She said huffing in annoyance. Since when she cursed? Since when she called a class stupid? As far as I knew, she was always excited to go to class. "Hurry up if you're going as well."
"Yes, right." I said nodding and then I looked at Jen. "See you later, Jenny."
"See you later, Dar. Have a good day, you two." Jen said with her usual kindness.
"Remember." Freckles suddenly said to Jen.
"Will do." Jen said looking at Freckles, smiling sadly.
Now I was sure there was something about them I didn't know. The way they looked at each other in conspiracy, or as if they had an agreement or as if they were sharing a secret. Maybe later I'd ask Jen what that was about. But now, Freckles started walking and I walked behind her in silence, staring at her and the way she walked as if she was edgy. She didn't check if I was following her and she didn't talk to me in our way to the Spanish classroom. Who was this new girl?
The doctors said that now your medical condition was stable, so you could return to school. As far as you knew, Brian and Jim weren't expelled and they weren't even suspended; they were still in school and you knew they were going to keep bullying you. They were the ones who were bullying you, you just knew it; even if you couldn't understand how they knew everything you were doing if they weren't all the time near you and they almost weren't attending the same classes than you. But you couldn't be idly while they were still making fun of you. You wouldn't let them destroy you and you were going to prove them so. The last fight and that unexpected visit in hospital from that person who threatened you helped you to clear your mind and think about a strategic plan; after all, you weren't an idiot when it came to logistics. So, in your first day in school after the fight, you were another kind of person: you needed to pretend that you were a rude person. To achieve the goal, first you needed to change the way of dressing because no one would take you seriously with the clothes you were used to wear. You needed to achieve a rude and dark look and for that; you looked in your sister's wardrobe for clothing that she used for a costume party when she dressed up as a heavy metal woman. You were going to start wearing those clothes until you could have time to go shopping and buy more clothes like that. But not only you needed to dress up like that to achieve that goal, you also had to start wearing make-up; you didn't like it so much but it was something you had to do. Then your appearance changed completely and now you seemed almost a rude girl; but you also had to change your personality to make it believable. You were going to turn into a woman of few words. Yes, you wouldn't talk to anyone more than few minutes, and the times when you needed to talk, you were going to be harsh, cold and curtly. You needed to show disinterest in going to class or doing extracurricular activities and you needed to show disrespect for the authorities; you needed to turn into that badass girl. And the most important: you needed to stay away from Darren and Jen, because you didn't want them to end up hurt. Maybe this new way of being would keep them away, because you weren't going to be a nice girl. Yes, you were going to be like that until you get to know who the people who were bullying you were. Your purpose was to infiltrate between them, and they'd fall into a bottomless pit before they could realize it. When you arrived to school you were nervous as hell, and of course your plan wasn't working as you expected. You couldn't stop looking around you to find any kind of clue of who the people who were bullying you were; and everybody was obviously looking at you while they were gossiping about you. You got all the different kinds of look: surprised ones, terrified ones, disgusted ones, indifferent ones and derisive ones. It wasn't only for your new outward appearance, but it was also because of your injuries and scars. Maybe your plan wasn't working so well because now you were sort of the spotlight, as never happened before; but maybe being the spotlight was the opposite of being a bad thing, it could help you to get to those bullies easier. You needed to be very chary. When you were feeling moderately self-confident about your plan, everything changed when a person you knew walked towards you: Jen.
"Freckles, I'm so happy you're here again." Jen said smiling at you kindly, but there was a shadow in her eyes. You quickly looked around to check if someone was near you, you saw Darren standing several steps away from you, looking at you with a disturbed face. "You look different."
"Yes, I'm different now." You answered coldly. That was really hard to do and it was harsh to hear because Jen's smile vanished from her face. But it was what had to be done.
"I think I know why you try to seem another kind of person, very different from who you really are." Jen whispered a bit sad. The honest and confident way she said that made you feel astonished. "I received an anonymous threatening message today."
"What?" You exclaimed in a whisper, terrified.
The game has begun as the bullies told you. And of course they started with Jen, the one who helped you that day. You were now really worried and scared. One of your goals was to prevent those bullies from ill-treating Jen and Darren; but they were faster and they already started. But Jen surely didn't know that this was your fault, probably Jen didn't know that they were threatening you, maybe she was telling you that by coincidence; so you needed to keep your plan up.
"That's bad." You whispered curtly, trying to pretend you didn't know what she was talking about.
"It is." Jen whispered looking down while Darren was still standing several steps away with the same disturbed face. "It involves you. Have you been receiving those too?"
"No, I don't know what you're talking about." You answered in a whisper, looking nervously around to check if someone was looking at you.
"You're lying. Probably they told you not to tell anyone or they'd do something bad. I understand it." Jen whispered looking deeply into your eyes and you felt even more nervous. "Look into my eyes and blink once if the answer is no and blink twice if the answer is yes. I won't tell anybody, not even Darren. But now I'm involved on this too and we're together on this." Jen whispered in your ear before looking into your eyes again.
You didn't know what to do; this wasn't part of your plan. You couldn't tell her that you were being threatened as well because then your bullies would make this worse; but at the same time they already threatened Jen and it made you feel really angry and worried. Maybe you and Jen were together on this, as she said. Without having a clear and sure answer, you blinked twice.
"I suspected it." Jen whispered with trembling voice. "We need to talk about it, but not here and not now. This place isn't safe for us. I'll tell you what they did to me and you'll tell me what they did to you and together we're gonna plan something to stop this."
"Please, don't tell anyone. They told me..." You started whispering, really nervous. You still weren't sure if you could trust on her completely, maybe she could be one of the bullies and you didn't know it.
"I know what they told you, because they told me the same. You aren't supposed to tell anyone if you don't want your friends to end up hurt." Jen whispered looking down anguished. "Darren doesn't know about this and I don't want him to know, you surely understand why."
"I do." You whispered nodding. "For now, act as if you don't want to talk to me anymore. They don't have to see us together."
"Will do." Jen whispered with trembling voice. "I'm scared, Freckles." Jen whispered desperate with teary eyes.
"Me too." You answered looking down. "But I won't..."
"Hi Freckles, it's nice to have you back." Darren suddenly interrupted you, smiling warmly.
You glanced at Jen and she glanced at you in a sort of agreement. Neither of you would say something, or at least that was what you hoped. Yet you couldn't trust on her completely. What if this was part of that macabre plan of your bullies? What if this was a trap? You decided to trust her, but at the same time you started planning in your mind something else, just in case this was a trap. This could be a game full of lies, tricks and suspicion.
"Boring!"
"I'm wasting my precious time in this shit."
"Who cares about that crap?"
"How do you say I don't give a damn fuck in Spanish?"
Those were some of her comments during the Spanish class. I couldn't believe she was saying all that. The first time I met her in this class, she was the smartass who knew everything, who was sitting in the front of the class and who seemed to love this class. Now she was sitting in the last chair in a corner; she was slouching in her chair with one of her feet planted firmly on the desk, not paying attention at all. She didn't even pull out her notebook to take down notes. I couldn't stop staring at her; I was trying to find out what the hell could have happened to her to be like that. This was very weird and this person looked more like one of those stupid bullies. She was evidently having a lot of troubles and she was surely a mess. I wanted to find out what was going on with her, if I could help her somehow; but she seemed to want to distance, she didn't even look at me like other times. Why was I worrying about her anyway? Maybe it was because I felt as if I needed to thank her for having helped me the day of the fight. But I couldn't do that much if she was acting like a berk; and I didn't know her that much to keep trying it. But then I remembered that conversation she had with Jen minutes earlier. She and Jen had a secret and I was sure about it when Freckles said "Remember." Why would she say remember? Jen wouldn't tell me anything because I knew her very well, and when she was like that it was better to shut up and not insist. But I could try to find the way to get a word from Freckles. And I knew how I could do it; if I was good at something, it was to be charming with a girl. How? With music. At the end of the day, I was going to find out what was going on with Jen and Freckles. But during the Spanish class, I saw an almost imperceptible glance from her directed to me that made me worry about her. She surely didn't realize that I noticed it because it was very furtive, but I did. She was scared and it was the first real attitude from her that I saw that day. What was this I was feeling? Again, I didn't know; I just felt as if I couldn't let her like that. Damn, I needed to stop looking at her because I was feeling even more this weird feeling in my chest.
"Darren, focus on the class." I said to myself reproachfully.
During the rest of the class, I looked at Mr. Rhodes, but I couldn't focus anyway. At the end of the class, Freckles stood up quickly to leave, but then I stopped her in a very sly and silly way. I knew if I stopped her by taking her by the arm or yelling at her, she wouldn't stop. But in this way I could gain her attention unexpectedly and no one would suspect anything.
"You dropped your pen." I said quietly showing her my own pen. Of course she turned around and stopped abruptly. She seemed to be wondering when she pulled out her pen and I took advantage to walk towards her, still with the pen in my hand.
"That's not my pen." She finally said upset and she attempted to go away again.
"Your name is in it." I said shrugging trying to sound disinterested. I knew I'd stop her with that because the first day I met her in this same classroom, I noticed she had all her stuff with her name written on a label.
"Fine, give it to me." She said upset walking towards me. I waited until there was no one in the classroom to take advantage to run to the door and close it. She looked at me disturbed and then she looked around nervously.
"We're alone now." I said looking deeply into her eyes and standing between the door and her.
"What are you doing? Let me go." She said kind of annoyed, trying to reach the door handle.
I took advantage to take her by her waist. Why did I do that? I wasn't planning to do it, I just did it and I didn't know why. I just felt really weird but anyway I kept my hands on her waist. She tried to step back, but I pulled her closer and I leaned over to whisper something in her ear.
"I want to talk to you." I whispered and I didn't know why the hell it sounded more like flirting than a secret. Damn it.
"We're talking now. Let me go." She said annoyed, looking harshly into my eyes but with a twinkle in them.
"No, I mean... I want to talk to you in private, not here." I said looking into her eyes. Wow, she had captivating eyes. Fuck, Darren! What were you thinking? Focus on your plan. "After school, I'll follow you and when we get away from here, I'll tell you where we'll go to talk in private."
"I won't..." She started to complain annoyed, but I interrupted her.
"See you later, Freckles."