TEENAGE DREAM

Chapter 5

About mistrust and fear

You couldn't believe what happened and less what was about to happen if Jen didn't appear. When you took Darren by his arms and you wrapped your legs around him, you never had the intention to kiss him or whatever. You only did it because he was tickling you and you wanted to stop him, because the tickling and you weren't good friends. You didn't know that Darren would react that way because he never showed you any kind of attraction for you. You never expected he could look at you the way he was doing, that he could lean his head to nuzzle your nose and that he could kiss you. It wasn't his fault, though. You were guilty at some point because you were the one who made both of you end up in that compromising situation, and because you didn't attempt to stop him. You were sure that he really didn't want to kiss you because he had feelings for you; it was surely because he was a man; and, if you do this to any man, they would do something like that, it's a nature rule. But anyway you couldn't stop picturing the way he was looking at you, no one before looked at you that way and for the very first time you felt wanted by someone. And it wasn't any random man, it was Darren. This only happened in your dreams and you couldn't believe it was happening in real life; so you couldn't stop him because your secret feelings for him were stronger. You were falling for him hard and you couldn't avoid it. Now he was uncomfortable, avoiding your gaze, and Jen was looking at you both in a severe way.

"Darren, what's going on here?" Jen asked when she was close to you and Darren.

You looked at Jen and then you looked at Darren. He seemed to be thinking about something else and he still had that disturbed face. You wouldn't answer anything because Jen was asking him not you, and in any case you didn't know what to answer because not even you knew what was going on. Darren didn't answer and Jen huffed in annoyance.

"For god's sake, Darren! Answer me!" Jen huffed exasperated.

"What, Jen?" Darren asked annoyed and frowning, still kneeling on the grass.

"What's going on here?" Jen asked again looking at him severely. Gosh, she was like a mother scolding her son.

"Nothing is going on here." Darren complained bad tempered, now sitting On the grass with his arms crossed.

"Yes, sure." Jen said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Why are you here anyway?" He asked still grumpy and frowning.

"Why not? Can't I be here anymore now?" Jen asked also getting grumpy.

You were just there listening to them, trying not to make any sound and hoping that neither of them would ask you something. You never saw them arguing, if this was an argument. You really wanted to go home now.

"That's not what I said. I just wasn't expecting you to be here at this time." Darren said looking away.

"Well, I'm here." Jen said crossing her arms and also looking around.

Then you remembered when Darren told you he was waiting for someone to come. Maybe that someone was Jen and maybe this sort of argument was planned; maybe this all was planned. What if Darren planned to kiss you to make fun of you? Because you had to admit that no one before wanted to kiss you since you were that loser girl. Why would Darren, an amazing and good looking guy, want to kiss you? You were a fool all this time. He was just playing with you and your feelings and you fell into his trap like an idiot. And you even told him one of your deepest thoughts and feelings. Why did you do it if you didn't even know if he was or not one of those bullies? Why did you have to be this idiot?

"What are you doing?" Darren asked looking at you when you stood up. Then Jen also looked at you.

"It's late. I need to go home." You answered shyly, trying to go away from there as soon as possible.

"No, don't go." Darren said serious and almost demanding.

"Excuse me?" You asked in disbelief. "I'm not asking your permission. I'm just letting you know that I'm going, just in case you decide to check and I'm not there anymore."

You were being the same cold girl you were this morning, when you returned to school. Darren looked at you bewildered and frowning before standing up to walk towards you. Jen, meanwhile, was observing the situation.

"We still need to talk." Darren whispered so Jen couldn't hear; he was looking at you with worried eyes and he was kind of uncomfortable.

"We don't have anything to talk about." You said coldly looking away to avoid his eyes. He could always change your mind with his damn cute eyes.

"Please." Darren whispered looking at you with a kind of look that seemed he was a puppy or something. Damn it. "What just happened..."

"I don't know what you're talking about. We were just staring the starry sky before Jen came here." You interrupted him, playing dumb.

"Freckles, we both know what it was about to happen." Darren whispered again, still nervous.

"Forget it, okay? As far as I remember we tumbled down and then we came here to stare the starry sky, then Jen came and now I'm going home." You said coldly, letting him know that whatever was going to happen it was something that both of you should forget.

"No...I can't...Just, don't go." Darren babbled edgily.

"Okay, whatever you're talking about, I wanted to let you know that I'm leaving; because I obviously came here to be alone and I can't, so then bye, guys." Jen yelled from behind and Darren turned around to look at her.

"No Jen! Don't go!" Darren yelled trying to stop her.

"Darren, you can't say anything but don't go?" Jen asked frowning but sort of amused.

"Screw you, Jen!" Darren yelled in a jokingly way. Well, they really had a quirky friendship. "Come here, don't go."

"Alright. You better have a good reason." Jen huffed walking to where you and Darren were.

"I really have to go. I guess I'll see you around." You said quickly, trying to slip away.

"Oh no, no, no!" Darren said quickly taking you by your arm to stop you.

"What, Darren?" Jen asked curious.

"Let me go! I have to go!" You exclaimed kind of upset, trying to pull your arm away from him.

"Darren, loose her arm or you're gonna hurt her." Jen said looking at you both serious.

"Damn, I don't even know why I'm here." You complained grumpy.

"I thought you both were having a good time there." Jen giggled mockingly.

"Oh, please! We were just..." You started complaining.

"Holy fuck!" Darren suddenly yelled exasperated. "Would you two just shut up for a minute? Only for a damn minute? Dammit, it's the real hell to be with two chatty girls!"

Jen and you looked at Darren astonished, raising eyebrows. He was very fretful and impatient and it was really funny the way he was looking at you both. You and Jen couldn't help bursting of laughter.

"Fuck you, Darren." Jen and you said in unison.

"Whatever! You are unbearable!" Darren exclaimed still exasperated.

"The minute is coming to its end, Darren." Jen mocked amused.

"Please, make it three hours instead a minute." Darren exclaimed with eyes wide open.

"You're asking too much." You said mockingly.

"It's like a challenge. If you get to be quiet for three hours, I'll take both of you out for dinner at a restaurant of your choice." Darren said trying to convince you both.

"Deal." Jen and you answered in unison again.

"Unbelievable what a man has to do!" Darren said shaking his head. "Now, can the two of you please sit?"

Neither you nor Jen answered; instead you sat on the grass in silence and so did Darren. Now the three of you were looking at each other, Jen and you expectant to know why Darren wanted you to sit there.

"So, now that the two of you are here...May I know what's up with you two? And don't tell me 'nothing' because I'm not stupid." Darren asked roundly.

Jen and you looked at each other kind of puzzled and scared, both of you asking with your glances if any of you told Darren something about what was happening.

"You really don't know how to hide something. Come on, tell me. We're gonna stay here until I get any kind of answer." Darren said crossing his arms and looking at you both intently.

"You're delirious. We aren't hiding anything at all." You finally said frowning and playing with your fingers.

"You're playing with your fingers. It means you're nervous and therefore you're lying or hiding a secret you are ashamed to tell." Darren said looking at you with a faintly smile, while you looked at Jen bemused. How on earth has he found it out?

"Yeah, he's got a sharp eye." Jen said shrugging and Darren smiled proudly. "Seriously, Darren. There's nothing to tell."

"And Jen, you're tangling your finger on the ends of your hair. You're lying." Darren said serene.

"I am not." Jen defended herself.

"You're not going to talk, are you?" Darren asked bluntly and you and Jen remained in silence, looking down. "Okay, I have this note..." Darren said searching for something in his pockets, until he pulled out a wet note from his jeans. "Yeah, this note. I found this odd note in my notebook before my last class today. Maybe you would know what it's about."

Jen and you looked at each other scared and worried. There was no way that Darren could have got a note too. How far could these bullies go? This was insane. But yet, you didn't know what that note was about, maybe you were making up things in your mind, or maybe not.

"Okay, I'll read this note." Darren said looking at the note. "You're a stupid guy, Criss. How many times do we have to warn you that you shouldn't play with fire? We know a lot of private things about you, so watch out. For instance, you wouldn't like everybody to know that you want to fuck that girl, you know who. Our advice: Stay away from the loser and that Jennifer girl. Not only your secrets would be revealed, but also those girls are gonna end up hurt, and maybe also that bitch you have as a mother. One last advice: Don't tell this to anyone, the girl you want to fuck won't be interested in a crazy guy, will she? Beware, Criss. - W-" Darren finished reading the note and then he looked up to you and Jen. "Who the fuck is W, what do you have to do with this, and why are they threatening me?"

Damn, this harassing thing was getting even worse.

When it was obvious that they weren't going to talk, I decided that it was time to read them the note I found in my notebook before my last class. When I read that note for the first time I thought that someone was teasing me, like any of my friends; because... Who could have got my notebook? I always had it with me, except when I had to pee and leave the classroom in my Science class; maybe in that time the person put the note in my notebook, it was weird because I didn't know anybody there. And the second thing, who would know that I liked the cheerleader? Only my friends and as far as I knew, I never mentioned anything about her out loud, I've always been cautious about it. But who knows, maybe someone heard me. My thoughts that it was a friend making fun of me vanished quickly when I started thinking about the whole situation that it was happening. Jen was doing well before she went to the bathroom and then she was like disturbed and scared; maybe she received a note like mine. Freckles was acting weird since we visited her in hospital and now she was a different person, always looking around nervously checking if someone was looking at her and that was something she's never done before. Maybe she also received a note. And I only noticed those changes with Jen and Freckles, precisely the people who this W person mentioned in my note. And they messed up with my mom, none of my friends would mess with my mom because they knew her and they knew she was an amazing and adorable person. So this wasn't about a joke from my friends, this was a threat. I owe my ability to find out this kind of mysteries to the detective movies. Whatever this W person wanted to gain with this threat, he or she or they wanted to separate me from Jen and Freckles because they were surely seeing us like a menace when we were together, because they were surely thinking that together they wouldn't be able to beat us or me or whatever they wanted to hurt. I thought that this kind of grim bullying could never happen in my school, because it wasn't a public school. But I was wrong, bullying could happen everywhere in its worse ways. I couldn't get why people could be so mean, what kind of problems they had to be that mean. However, I wouldn't let those assholes hurt neither me nor the people who were my friends or my family. If they wanted to play with me, then they were going to play with me, but I'll attack as well, like in a chess game. They wanted to attack by bullying, I was going to attack with a concise strategy; I wasn't going to lower to their mediocre level. In any case, I decided to read them the note, because maybe that way they would tell me something; something that I probably knew already, but I needed to corroborate if I wasn't wrong.

"You're a stupid guy Criss. How many times do we have to warn you that you shouldn't play with fire? We know a lot of private things about you, so watch out. For example, you wouldn't like everybody to know that you want to fuck that girl, you know who. Our advice: Stay away from the loser and that Jennifer girl. Not only your secrets would be revealed, but also those girls are gonna end up hurt, and maybe also that bitch you have as a mother. One last advice: Don't tell this to anyone, the girl you want to fuck won't be interested in a crazy guy, will she? Beware, Criss. - W-" I finished reading the note and then I looked up to Freckles and Jen, who were looking at me troubled. So I decided ask them a question they surely didn't want to hear. "Who the fuck is W, what do you have to do with this, and why are they threatening me?"

Jen and Freckles looked at each other, really bewildered and not knowing what to do or say. I just waited patiently to hear what they had to say to me. I needed to know it by them; I needed to hear them telling me the truth. The way they were looking at each other made me feel like a jerk; because it was more than obvious that they'd been talking about this and I was the one who didn't know anything about this and I'd have still been the one who didn't know if I hadn't mentioned the note W sent me. As always, I was the last one to find out what was happening.

"We don't know who W is." Freckles finally answered looking at me, after looking at Jen for a long and they agreed to tell me the truth, or at least it was what seemed they agreed.

"You don't know, fine. But you know what I'm talking about when I say W, don't you?" I asked trying to get more information, because both Jen and Freckles seemed to be uncomfortable and shy to tell me more.

"Yes, we do know." Jen answered looking down.

"Then I'm assuming you've received those kinds of notes, haven't you?" I asked again insistently.

"We have, yes." Jen answered again and Freckles remained silent looking down and playing with her fingers.

"And you aren't telling me more because they also told you not to tell this to anyone or someone would end up hurt. Am I wrong?" I asked feeling as if I was a detective trying to solve a crime.

"Yes." Jen affirmed nodding.

"I see." I answered shortly, also nodding.

"Don't judge us for that because this is not what it could happen to me if I say something, it's about what they could do to others. I wouldn't forgive myself if something bad comes to happen to someone I care about because of my fault for not keeping it as a secret as they told me to do." Freckles finally spoke looking at her lap with teary eyes.

"I'm not judging you and I'll never do it." I said softly placing my hand above hers.

I needed to let her know that I wasn't doing this because I wanted to blame her as she was surely thinking. Freckles looked up to me and I could see it in her eyes: guilt and apology. This meant something that was beyond that I thought this harassing situation could mean; I needed to ask her one thing that was now spinning in my mind.

"This started because of you, didn't it? They're threatening Jen and me because of you, because of something they warned you and you couldn't do. Isn't it like that?" I asked curious, it sounded kind of harsh even if it wasn't my intention.

Shit, I really needed to learn how to ask things that were in my mind in a good way. Now Freckles was looking at me with eyes wide open and tears started to stream down her face in silence; obviously what I said made her feel like crap. But honestly it wasn't my intention and now I didn't know how to let her know that I expressed myself in a wrong way.

"Yes, it's my entire fault. You certainly wouldn't have received those threatening notes if it hadn't been because of my fault. I'm really sorry!" Freckles exclaimed desperate and apologetically with choked voice.

Oh no, she really misunderstood why I asked what I asked. She was crying, man; and because of my stupid question. It was still weird for me to see someone crying and I barely knew what I could do to make her feel fine.

"What an asshole, Darren!" I thought upset in my mind.

The worst was she wasn't crying like a capricious and hysterical girl; she was crying with one of the worst feelings that a human being could feel: guilt and repentance for something that it wasn't actually her fault. Because, judging from the little I knew about her, she wasn't a bad person and I was almost sure that she didn't intend to cause the bullies start harassing Jen and me. There should be a reason why they started doing it to us. What could she have done?

"Hey, no." I whispered as smooth as I could do, wrapping an arm around her and placing her head on my shoulder so I could stroke her long hair reassuringly.

She let me do it and she started shedding tears in silence on my shoulder; I totally forgot Jen was there and I kissed the top of her head. I honestly didn't care what Jen could think about this, Freckles was sad because of my fault and I couldn't leave her like that; and, after all, Jen hugged her, so she couldn't really tell me anything. For a moment, I thought that Jen would look at me in the same way she looked at me when she found me and Freckles here; but she didn't. Instead, Jen looked at me smiling softly, as if she was thinking I was doing the right thing. And I still didn't know what the right thing was, not anymore at this point.

"It's not your fault, as far as I know, you haven't done anything wrong." I said reassuringly, but actually I wasn't sure if she did something wrong or not.

"Yes, I've done something wrong; otherwise this would never have happened." She said still sobbing and I couldn't do anything else to calm her. Yes, I wanted to reassure her, but also I needed to know what exactly was happening with her and those bullies and what Jen and I had to do with this.

"Wait. I'm really not getting this. Why do you say you've done something wrong? And why is this happening? What exactly is the fuck that is happening? You need to tell us." I said kind of desperate and it only made her feel worse. Yeah, I felt bad for that, but I first needed to know, and then I'd try to figure out how to solve this shit.

"I can't tell you; because this is gonna get even worse and I don't want it. I don't know what to do anymore." She said still sobbing and now she moved away from me, looking away.

"I think we deserve to know. After all, now we're on this as well; and if we don't know what the hell is going on, then we won't know what to do." I said a bit harshly.

I said it harshly because yes, I couldn't pretend everything was fine, because it wasn't. And I had to admit that I was kind of scared of this like her; but the difference between her and me, it was that at least she knew what was happening and I had no fucking idea. And if I didn't know it, how was I supposed to do something about to stop it?

"Listen, one way or another, we all are screwed already. The choice you can make is either you want to deal with all of this by yourself while Jen and I try to find out by ourselves what's going on while we're still being harassed, so everything can go to hell; or you can make the choice to tell us so then we all together can figure out what we can do to face this problem we have now, knowing that probably everything can go to hell as well but at least we're gonna be together. It's up to you." I said trying not to sound rough but trying to sound firm and consistent.

"If I don't tell you, you won't understand the reasons why I don't want to tell you and you won't understand what's going on; but if I tell you, you'll understand but then you'll want to go back in time because you'll realize that I shouldn't have told you. And it's gonna be late." Freckles rambled, looking at me with tears in her eyes but not crying like before; now she seemed to be troubled and confused.

"I choose to know and face whatever is gonna happen after you tell me. And I commit myself to do whatever it takes not to let that something bad comes to happen to any of us after you tell me. I take the risk." I said surefire.

"No, I'm sorry. But I won't do it, because I don't want to take upon myself the responsibility of knowing that something bad happened to you because of my fault. I don't want that anything truly bad comes to happen to you both." She answered firm and resolute.

Well, she had a point and she obviously didn't want to tell me anything not because she was selfish, but because it was for our own good. This time I decided to think twice what to say to her to convince her to tell us; and while I was thinking it, I came up with a possibility of what could be happening with her and what she could be thinking in her mind. And it was ghoulish.

"Do you realize what they are doing to you?" I asked curious and intentionally.

"It's not hard to guess that they're harassing me and not only me but you two as well." She answered frowning and looking at me as if I asked the most obvious question in the planet; but she really didn't get the intention of my question.

"That's not what I meant. What I'm trying to ask you is...Do you realize that they're playing with your mind? Do you realize that they're trying to distort your reality, making you think that you're wrong? Do you realize that they are trying to make you think what they want you to think while you think is what you really want to think? Oh my fucking god, this is a really good and macabre mental game what they are doing." I said surprised of myself and my conclusions.

I was finding it out while I was saying it. But I was scared, because this wasn't a simple bullying thing; this was from a perverse and ominous mind. Someone has planned it all to win one way or another; that someone will always win, not matter what we could do because the mind of this person was like a criminal mind. We were fucked up. I finally looked up to see Jen and Freckles looking at me disturbed and startled because of my conclusion.

"I totally get it now." I said when everything got clearer in my mind. "Yes, that's it. They want you to think that being alone and not telling anyone is what you need to do, they made you think that you got to think it by yourself, as if it was something you chose, not what they wanted you to choose. And they got it. Fuck, they're making you think that all you're doing it's because you decided to do it by own choice, but actually you're doing all they want you to do. You're leaving the field open to them to play, but you don't know it; therefore they're going to attack when they reach their goal: To make you think what they think, they want to turn you into one of them and you won't realize it until it's done." I said slurred, completely accelerated by all I was now seeing clear. Everything was so obvious and dissembled at the same time.

"What are you saying?" Freckles finally asked with eyes wide open, scared and confounded.

"I'm saying that you're doing exactly what they want you to do, and they're gonna beat you. There's no way you can win them, not even if you do your best. You won't get it, because they've planned absolutely everything; they knew how to destroy you since the beginning." I said still stunned of how fast I was realizing how the whole situation was. "Fuck! Why didn't I see this before?"

"You're one of them. You're one of those people who make themselves call W. Oh gosh; all this time you were one of them!" Freckles yelled scared, standing up and getting away slowly, really panicking.

"What? What the hell?" I asked bewildered looking at her frowning. I was a bit upset because I couldn't believe she was comparing me to those bullies with a perverse mind. "How can you say something like that?"

"Because you seem to be so sure about all of this and it's not something that everybody can find out so easily and more if that person doesn't know a damn shit about what's going on!" Freckles yelled frightened, still stepping back. "Right, this is why W always knows what I'm doing, what you do and what you think; that's why W always knows what to say to harass me. All this time, it was you! Now I see it. What do you want? What the fuck do you want from me? Stop this, please stop this!"

"What? You gotta be kidding me, Freckles!" I said still bewildered, now standing up but not moving from where I was standing.

"Don't call me Freckles! Is that why all of a sudden you were nice to me? Yes, because everybody knows it, keep your friends close but your enemies closer! Oh god, oh my god!" Freckles exclaimed flurried and freaking out.

"No, you're not getting this. Can't you see it? They want you to think that your friends are enemies because they want you alone!" I said now desperate because I didn't know how to make her see it wasn't what she was thinking.

"That's why no one is sending me anything now. Because you're the one who sends me the anonymous text messages; so you can't text me because you're with me!" She said tearing up in fear.

"What anonymous text messages? What are you talking about?" I asked confused. This was happening too fast and she was saying nonsense things for me.

"How did you get my phone number? How did you get that picture of me, the first one you used to harass me? How?" She asked not answering my questions. I wasn't sure if she was listening to me at all.

"What picture? I don't have a fucking..."I started saying more confused than ever. What was she talking about? I didn't even have her phone number and I had no pictures of her.

"That explains why you came to the hospital that day with Jen right after you sneaked in to harass me earlier! You threatened me by telling me I shouldn't tell you anything, so then you came back with Jen to check if I was doing what you told me to do! Oh, fuck you!" She yelled even more frightened.

"What the fuck? Has someone gone to the hospital to harass you before we...?" I started asking scared by what she said, but she kept interrupting me.

"That's why you threatened me not to tell anyone or you'd hurt you and Jen! Because you'd never hurt yourself, so you would win anyway because you knew I wouldn't let anyone get hurt because of my fault! That's because you said you and Jen and not anybody else! You were proving me!" She said with eyes full of tears of fear, really pale.

"Have they said precisely that they were going to hurt only Jen and me if you happen to say something of what is happening?" I asked stunned raising my eyebrows. Why would those bullies mention only Jen and me? So then, maybe they didn't want to hurt only Freckles, they wanted to beat me and Jen down as well.

"How could you do something like that? I trusted you! Oh damn, I told you a lot of private things and now you know it all. Oh crap!" She said panicking to the point I thought she was going to have a heart attack.

"Okay, it was enough!" I yelled loudly and rabidly to silence her and it worked. "I'm not getting a damn fuck of what you're saying; I didn't know anything of what was going on and now you're letting me know it in a way that I barely can understand because you only mentioned incoherent and not correlate events that happened to you. You're not answering my questions, you interrupt me all the time, you're not getting that the only thing I'm trying to do is to help you but I fucking can't because you keep thinking that I'm one of those assholes. You're comparing me to them and I won't allow it! Not to them!" I yelled in a rage because she really drove me insane, in the bad sense of the word. "So if you want to keep thinking that, go ahead. But don't expect from me any kind of help, not anymore. And I'll only let you know that if you keep having this attitude with the people who try to help you, you're so fucked up! They're going to destroy you and they're gonna do it so fucking well and when that moment comes to happen, you're gonna regret for not trusting on people who ever tried to stand by you." I said out of my mind while she was looking at me startled and pale. "So do the fuck you want! I won't beg you to believe me that I have nothing to do with this macabre shit."

"Darren, calm down." Jen finally spoke shyly.

"To calm down? To calm down, Jen? Really? How am I supposed to calm down if when I try to help someone I'm treated like a real asshole and perverse guy?" I asked yelling, still really mad.

"Try to understand her." Jen said again shyly and softly.

"I won't understand her, because she'd never let me understand her! Because noticeably she thinks I'm one of them. Whatever!" I exclaimed madly rising up my arms.

"It's not what I think; it's what I know now! You're one of them and I know it!" Freckles yelled now also angry.

"Think the shit you want, I don't care! I'll see how they beat you down!" I yelled even angrier walking towards her until I was very close to her; now the two of us were facing each other like defiantly. It seemed that all my blood went up to my head and I was breathing with difficulty because of my anger. And I wasn't a guy who could get mad easily.

"You won't beat me down!" She yelled defiantly getting even closer. I could notice she was breathing in the same way than me and all I could see in her eyes was fierceness.

"Okay, you two, stop it!" Jen finally yelled, energetically and intrepid. It made me and Freckles look at her in surprise. Jen never yelled that way. "Whatever those bullies want, they're getting it! Look at you both, it's pathetic! With this, you're proving them that they're cleverer and stronger than you! Can we all just calm down and set down this problem to solve it?"

Both, Freckles and I, looked at her in silence and then we looked away; really trying to calm down. What Jen said it was what I was trying to say to Freckles all this time, but she said it in a way that apparently worked. Why did it work for Jen and not for me? Freckles crossed her arms and stood there, apparently she was going to stay to listen to whatever Jen or I had to say. Jen walked towards Freckles and looked at her with that kind of look that seemed to be begging for something.

"Freckles, you have to believe that Darren isn't one of them." Jen said softly and with extreme sincerity. "I know it's hard for you to believe, because those bullies have done a lot of terrible things to you to the point you don't know who to trust anymore. I know it because at some point I've been there, and you know what I mean because I told you so earlier." Jen said now with choked voice and teary eyes.

What was that? Again I was feeling like the last one to find out everything. So Jen and Freckles had been talking about something. Could it be that something about her brother and all the bullying her brother had to suffer years ago? I didn't know, but Jen had this kind and sweet way to talk that could calm everybody even in the worst situations. And it seemed that Freckles only trusted her somehow. How could it be possible if Jen and I were with Freckles the same amount of time?

"But this time you have to trust him, Freckles. Darren is not a bad person, it's the opposite, he's the one who was always there for me, and he's the only one who knows all about me because he won my trust." Jen said with the same choked voice and I looked at her sweetly. She was making me feel thrilled with her words. Jen, the sweetest girl in the universe. "And he'd never joke or threat about my brother, like the note spelled. He'd never mess with me and my brother in that way."

When I heard the last thing Jen said, I felt really irked and rabid. So Jen indeed received a note from W and they dared to mess with her brother, the thing that hurt her the most. And she didn't tell me anything about it, but she told so to Freckles. But it wasn't the point; the point was they messed with something they shouldn't have messed with my best friend. Now, more than ever, I wanted to find out who W was to give that person his or her due.

"Have they sent you an anonymous note messing up with you and your brother? What have they said? Jen, what the hell is going on? Why haven't you told me?" I asked very distressed but upset at the same time.

"I'm sorry, Dar. I didn't want to worry you and I really couldn't talk to you about this." Jen apologized.

"But why have you told her but not me?" I asked still anguished because I couldn't understand it. Jen's been my best friend since years and she barely knew Freckles.

"Because she was involved in the note they sent me, not you." Jen answered still looking at me in the same way.

"What did the note say?" I asked intrigued but scared for what it could say. Nothing good could be for sure if they messed with her brother.

"I don't know if it's the right time to tell you." Jen answered shyly and then she looked at Freckles. "We're talking about this because of another reason."

"It's fine for me if you want to tell him now, if the other reason it's me." Freckles answered shrugging. "He might know it already."

"Are you still thinking that? Unbelievable!" I exclaimed in disbelief, looking at her.

"Guys, please." Jen sighed a bit tired because of our behavior. "This is the note."

Jen looked for something in her purse and then she handed it to me. I quickly grabbed it and I started reading the note which was written in the same kind of paper than mine.

"We're going to warn you something, bitch. This loser you're defending now, she's not like your brother who is writhing in his own tomb. Yes, she's a fucking loser just as your brother was. The difference between them, besides that fortunately one of them is dead, it's that this loser you're defending now is gonna screw your life. You know why? Because if you keep defending her, we're gonna kill you to death. But we're not gonna kill you so you can join your brother in hell, we're gonna kill all you have so then you can keep living but in misery. Besides, if you keep helping this loser bitch, soon she's gonna be dead like your little stupid brother. If you can't accept that your brother killed himself because of your entirely fault...How could you keep living knowing that you killed two people instead only one? So, beware your actions, slayer. We know everything. -W-"

When I finished reading it, an intense anger ran through my whole body. This fucking asshole messed with something that shouldn't. How the hell has he or she dared to threat Jen with something like that? How has this person dared to call her a slayer? How has this person dared to say that Jen was the guilty for all that happened with her brother? How could this person be so cold-hearted and insensate to refer to a dead guy in that way? But above all those questions, there was this question: How did this person know about Jen, her brother and the guilt she felt for her brother's death? Almost no one knew it. Or this person knew us very well, or this person had allies who knew us and told everything about us, or this person was also harassing other people to get private information about us. All the options were possible and it scared the hell out of me.

"I'm gonna find out who this W person is and I'm gonna give this person his or her due. I won't let this person fuck up us and I won't let this person win. This person will understand with whom is messing. I swear on my life."

You were really sure that Darren was one of those people who were bullying you. There was no way he could have drawn those conclusions if he didn't know anything. He was acting as if he didn't know anything; but when he started saying out loud his conclusions, suddenly it seemed he knew it all, and more than what you knew. If you were still there, it was because of Jen, because she begged you to stay somehow; because you knew what W sent her and it was something really serious; and not only because of that note, but also because after she told you they sent her a note, she told you what happened to her brother and how guilty she felt about his death. That was the time when you understood why she hugged you that day unexpectedly after you told her and Darren a little bit of your thoughts. It seemed that for her, you resembled to her brother at some point. Jen was honest with you, and she won your trust since that time. Even though it was Jen the one who was telling you that Darren was a good person and he could have never done something like that; you couldn't trust Darren anymore. Anyway, you stayed. Well, all of those negative thoughts you had about Darren, all of them changed when you saw his face while he was reading the note that W sent to Jen. But what really changed your mind was what he said after he finished reading the note and the way he said it.

"I'm gonna find out who this W person is and I'm gonna give this person his or her due. I won't let this person to fuck up us and I won't let this person win. This person will understand with whom is messing. I swear for my life." Darren said with trembling voice because of his anger. But he also was scared, just like you and Jen were.

He couldn't have said it that angry and scared if he was one of those bullies. His face was surprised and terrified while he was reading the note, and it wasn't so easy to act. Then you realized it: You judged him the same way people were judging you all the time. You were doing exactly the same than them; you were turning into one of them, as Darren said they wanted. You were suspicious of him, so you wanted to get away from him; just as Darren said they wanted. Darren was right; you were doing exactly what those bullies wanted. Now you could see it: those bullies were playing with your mind, making you think things that they wanted you to think, just as Darren said. Yes, because now you didn't know what it was true and what it wasn't. You could choose to deal with this alone and make sure that you wouldn't be betrayed by Darren or Jen, so you could be safe; but you weren't going to be safe, because that was what the bullies wanted, they wanted you to be alone and disconcerted. Also you could choose to trust Darren and Jen, taking the risk of being betrayed by them but at least you weren't going to be alone, at least this wasn't what the bullies wanted, even though Darren and Jen could be them at the end. But maybe they weren't, maybe they wanted to help you; and you couldn't know it if you didn't take the risk. Then you remembered something Darren told you earlier.

"Because I know how it feels to be alone when you need someone."

You remembered his face and his eyes when he told you that. There was a hint of open-heartedness and candidness in his eyes when he told you that; there was something in his eyes that no kind of bully would have. He wasn't one of them, not after the way he was with you when you were alone. Suddenly you felt really bad because of the way you treated him, because of the way you called him after what he was doing for you. He didn't deserve to be treated like that; you treated him in the same you hated people to treat you: with prejudice and injustice. Damn, you were turning into one of those disgusting people and you weren't realizing it. When you looked at Darren, to see the guy you hurt unfairly, he was arguing with Jen. Apparently Jen was trying to calm Darren and telling him that they should plan what to do wisely and not impulsively; but Darren was telling her that he was sick of that shit, and that he couldn't be calm after all that was happening. But you couldn't really follow the thread of the argument, because you were thinking how bad you behaved with Darren.

"I'm sorry." You finally said looking at Darren, and Jen and Darren stopped arguing to look at you frowning in surprise.

"What?" Darren asked moody when he realized you were looking only at him.

"I'm sorry." You repeated apologetically.

"What for? You want to leave again because you still think I'm one of those assholes? Because if it's so, then go away. I'm not in mood to deal with your stupid way of thinking." Darren said really sulky.

"No, I'm sorry for saying that, for saying you're one of those assholes." You said looking deeply into his eyes apologetically. Why was it so hard to apologize? "I acted like them. I judged you and I treated you in the way they treated me, right in the way I hate. I did it as if I were an asshole like them. I'm really sorry."

Darren was now looking at you also a bit guilty and now he wasn't so sulky. He looked down for a while and then he looked up to you again.

"Yeah, you hurt me." Darren said honestly, but he didn't say it resentful, he said it softly. "But I know that I treated you in a bad way as well. And I'm sorry for that. It's just that I couldn't believe that you were comparing me to them."

"I know you didn't deserve it. You were just trying to help, but I acted the way those bullies wanted me to act." You said with brittle voice. You couldn't hold back all those feelings you had. "I just don't know what the right thing is and what is not. I just don't know how to stop this and I barely know who to trust. I'm just a damn big mess and I'm desperate. I just want this to stop, I can't deal with this anymore, I just can't."

You finally broke into tears. You wanted to wake up from this nightmare, you just wanted to wake up and see that everything was alright. You just wanted to have a normal life and you just wanted to be calm.

"I just want to disappear and go to some place where I can be myself, where I can be in peace. I want to go to some place where nobody can bring me down. I just want to go to some place where enemies and meanness don't exist. I can't do this because I feel weak and I'm tired." You said crying desperately.

"Don't say that." Jen finally said also with choked voice. She was also tearing up, maybe she was thinking in her brother's situation. "We're gonna find that place, but it is in here, we just have to look for it; and I'll look for it with you."

"You don't have any idea how it feels like to wake up and see that nothing has changed, that only it's getting worse. I just can't understand what I've done to have got so many enemies. I can't find it out." You said still crying frustrated.

"You've got enemies? Good. That means you actually stood up for something in your life." Darren finally said looking at you.

"And why is it worth it if I can't even enjoy that? Why is it good to have stood for something in my life if anyway they're trying to bring me down all the time?"

"If people are trying to bring you down, it only means you're above them." Darren said smoothly and shrugging, while he took Jen's hand to walk towards you.

"You're saying it to comfort me, but we all know that actually it isn't like that. I'm six feet under them. I'm a miss nobody."

"No, you're not. You're just full of doubts and they're certain of themselves. But you know? The whole problem with this world is that fools are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." Darren said looking into your eyes and placing a hand on your shoulder, still holding Jen's hand.

"And why is it a good thing to have doubts? It's not the solution to stop this shit."

"Actually it is. With our doubts we're not gonna do something stupid, because the doubt is gonna lead us to think what to do in detail, because the face of doubt of not knowing if what we think will work out or not, we'll always have backup plans, whereas people who think to be right about everything, never think that their plans can fail. They have more room for error. And we, all together, are gonna find the way to move on." Darren said smiling softly. "We're gonna trip and stumble, but someday we're gonna get it, not matter how hard it's gonna be. We have each other to lean on."

You looked at him with teary eyes but not crying anymore. How could you have thought that he was one of them? How could you? He was the most supportive person you've ever met, his words just touched you very much; he made you see this situation from another point of view, he made you feel as if you weren't so tiny and helpless compared to them. And he wouldn't win anything for himself by telling you all of this. He was unselfish, unlike those bullies. For the first time for real, you thought you had chances to stop this bullying thing, just if you could stick together with Darren and Jen. And for the first time, you were the one who hugged him first; for the first time in a long you were the one who took the initiative to hug someone. And not only you hugged him, you also hugged Jen at the same time, you just had the need to show them how thankful you were to have met two people like them in your life. Darren and Jen also hugged you back and the three of you hugged each other for a while. It was a weird but unforgettable moment. It was the three of you letting know each other that from now on you were going to stick together not to be alone on this; and for the first time you felt you had two real friends, you felt them as your friends. It didn't matter for how long you knew them, what mattered was how intense what happened was to feel them like your friends. Then you realized what people tried to say when they said that sometimes you can know a person for a lot of years but that person won't ever be your friend; and sometimes people you know in a short time can become your real friend. Yes, it was what happened to you.

"Thank you, guys. And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel bad." You whispered a bit shy but frankly, breaking the group hug.

"It's alright, Freckles. We understand you." Jen said smiling kindly and taking your hand.

"Yeah, what would be a friendship without arguments?" Darren joked messing up your hair while you tried to stop him but giggling.

The three of you kept fooling around and joking for a while, the three of you being glad of having each other now, of knowing that finally you were going to trust each other and that all together you were going to face the bullying thing with all your doubts and fears. You found new friends and a place where you could be safe. In 6 hours you haven't received any harassing text message and it was good. Wait, 6 hours? It was 3am, you were still there and you had to go to school in a few hours. Besides, the cold coastal breeze was freezing you, because you were still wet. You needed to come back to sleep at least a few hours and to change your wet clothes. But you were scared to go home at this time alone, and you couldn't go to your house with Darren and Jen because it was dangerous. What could you do?

"Guys, it's 3am." You finally said serious. "We have to go to school in a few hours, we haven't slept at all and I'm gonna be a zombie at class, and I really need to change my clothes or I'm gonna catch pneumonia."

"Oh my god. You're so drastic!" Darren said laughing. "It'd be interesting to see a zombie with pneumonia. I've never ever seen one before."

"Maybe you can turn into one of them, but not me." You said serious again even though it was funny what Darren said. Yes, you were really drastic. "I shall go home."

"Wait Freckles, you really can't go back to your home at this time. Not only because your parents are going to kill you and they're gonna bug you with annoying questions like: Where have you been all this time, missy? Do you think this is time to come back home? You're punished for a week, without TV, phone and Internet." Jen said imitating the voice of a typical parent and you couldn't help laughing out loud along with Darren. She said it in a very accurate way. "Really, parents are so annoying sometimes. But you also can't come back home at this time because it's really dark and considering everything that is happening, it's not safe."

"Yes, but I really need to come back. I'm freezing here and I need to sleep at least one hour or I'd have a dysfunctional brain tomorrow. Like really, if I'm clumsy in my daily basis, imagine if I don't sleep at all." You said raising your eyebrows because you were going to be a mess.

"Oh, man. Yes Jen, she needs to sleep or she'd be a complete disaster. Trust me, she's clumsier than me." Darren said giggling softly, apparently remembering the incident you had when you tumbled down.

"You gotta be kidding me, Dar. No one is clumsier than you." Jen said with eyes wide open.

"Well, I thought the same, Jen. But Freckles has beaten me, she takes top prize." Darren laughed looking at you amused.

"Hey, I'm not that clumsy." You laughed knowing that what you said was a lie.

"Sure you're not." Darren laughed along with you. "You're just a person with little agility, quite little to what is considered average."

"Maybe..." You said amused.

"I can't believe it." Jen exclaimed raising her eyebrows. "Am I the only normal person here?"

"What is that shit of normal person? You're so far from being a normal person, Jen. Yeah, you might have agility unlike us, but for sure you're not a normal person." Darren said looking at her promptly.

"Weird is fun." Jen said shrugging.

"Preach!" Darren exclaimed amused. Yes, definitely they were two special and extraordinary people. "Well, back to our serious topic of conversation, I agree with Jen. Maybe it's not a good idea if you come back to your home. And considering that you don't want to turn into a zombie with pneumonia, even if I'd love to see that, you two can come to my house and we can go to school together. After all, it's not so far from here."

"Yes, I think that's the best." Jen said nodding. "What do you think, Freckles?"

"I think it's not a good idea." You answered looking down.

"Why not?" Darren asked frowning but you didn't answer. "Got it. If you're worrying because I'm a guy and you're a girl and you're thinking that you'd have to sleep in the same room than a weird guy; well then don't worry. I've got a spare room."

"Yes, I always sleep in that room so I can assure you it's a really nice room. And this time I can sleep in Darren's bedroom just in case you want to sleep alone." Jen said smiling softly.

"No, it's not that…" You said still looking down and feeling uncomfortable.

"So, what is it?" Darren asked still frowning.

Well, you really wanted to go to Darren's house; not to sound a stalker, but you wanted to get to know that place where the guy you liked so much lived. You always dreamed of going to his house, meeting his family, getting along with them, sleeping with him...but it was a dream. Now that you had the chance it was weird. One of the reasons, as Darren thought accurately, was that you didn't want to sleep in the same room than him, because it'd be uncomfortable for you. The other reason was that it was very late and it wasn't right that the first time you were going to go to his house, you were going to arrive there at this time; what would his parents think about it? You didn't want to give them a bad impression of yourself. Another reason was that you were still wet and you didn't have any other outfit to wear; you didn't have pajamas to sleep, you didn't have dry clothes, and you couldn't go with these clothes to school next day. The clothes you were wearing now, weren't the kind of clothes you used to wear in public. So you just didn't think it was a good idea to go to his house, even if you also thought that it wasn't a good idea to come back to your house at this time.

"Is it about my parents? Because if that is what worries you, then you shouldn't. My parents are totally awesome and they're used at this, of me coming back home late and sometimes with Jen." Darren said looking at you. "And they'll like you, right Jen? You know why."

"I do know. And yes, they'll like you." Jen answered smiling. "Mostly, Darren's dad. He loves berets." Jen said winking and chuckling but not in a bad way, looking at your beret. You couldn't help giggling softly.

"Well yeah, actually that's one of the reasons why I don't think it's a good idea." You said looking down awkwardly, even if you were smiling at Jen's comment.

"Okay, now you know it. They won't have any kind of problem if you come. They love having visits at home." Darren said shrugging.

"No, that's not what I meant. I don't have...you know...I'm a girl and...well." You started saying uncomfortable.

"Are you on your period?" Darren suddenly asked and you looked up to him with eyes wide open and raising eyebrows. Why would he ask something like that?

"No..." You answered slowly, frowning.

"Oh, it's just I thought it could be something like that. You know, it's the best excuse for girls: No, I can't because I'm on my period and I need my tampons." Darren said shrugging and giggling.

"Darren, stop it! Why do you always have to talk about periods?" Jen scolded him and it was kind of funny.

"What? I'm a teen! Naturally, I talk about periods and boners and everything that is related to that. Blame it on the hormones. Maybe someday I'm gonna write a song about periods." Darren joked. "Anyway, why don't you want to come then?"

"Because I have no clothes. And I can't keep these wet clothes on, and I can't go to school like this." You finally answered, trying to avoid Darren's look.

"Is that so?" Darren said laughing amused. "Not a big deal. I can lend you some clothes to sleep while we wait for your clothes to dry; so then you can wear them to go to school, because honestly I can't get why you don't want to go to school like that."

"Are you kidding me? I look ridiculous." You said in disbelief and a bit huffy.

"Not at all. I already told you what I think. Actually you look kind of sexy." Darren said winking and he was surely kidding.

"I second that." Jen agreed nodding. "Those clothes fit perfectly on you."

"Yes, sure." You said sarcastically.

"Jen, she said yes." Darren looked at Jen amused.

"That's right, she said yes! Why are we wasting time, then?" Jen looked at Darren amused and then at you mischievously while you looked at them puzzled. It seemed that they had a conspiracy.

"I don't know." Darren answered shrugging and smirking mischievously. "Let's go. We need to get some sleep before going to school. Freckles, what do you prefer? Pink or blue? I'll lend you any of my best shirts. And you won't regret, my mom makes the best breakfasts, you'll see."

"Oh yes! And the bedroom where you're gonna sleep has the coziest bed ever!" Jen exclaimed excited.

"What are you talking about?" You asked really puzzled and frowning.

"I know you're excited to go to my place." Darren said smiling amused. "But you really have to hurry up, because this way we won't arrive any soon."

"What? I never said I accepted going to your house!" You exclaimed bewildered.

"Actually, you did. You said yes." Darren said still smiling amused.

"Oh no! I didn't say yes as an acceptance to go to your house. I said yes because..." You started saying but Darren interrupted you.

"You said yes and that's it. You should watch out your words!"

"I'm sorry Freckles, but I'm with Darren on this. A yes is a yes." Jen said also smirking amused.

"Oh my God! You're so unbearable and stubborn!" You exclaimed in disbelief.

"Oh yes, we are." Jen said giggling.

"Come on, let's go." Darren said urging you and Jen.

"Fine, fine. I give up, I'm going. But this is the first and last time." You said pretending to be grouchy, but you were actually amused and glad.

"We'll see that." Darren answered smirking and looking brightly into your eyes. "Hurry up, we have to plot our plan. It's gonna be a long night."