A/N: Hello guys! How are you all? I want to thank you all for your support as always, I read so many nice things, so thank you! :) Also, this time, I want to give you a link... it's a community I created, I collected some fanfics of different authors about Darren/You, so if you want to read more stories like that, you'll be able to do that! I'm sure those authors (I'm just guessing because I actually don't know them) would like if you read their fanfics and, after all, those are Darren's stories and I guess that's awesome! So, if you want to read, here's the link: community/Darren-Criss-fanfics/101991/
Enjoy! :) Okay, that's all! Now I'll let you read this new chapter, hope you like it! Have a good day and until next Saturday, guys! Warm fuzzies! :)
TEENAGE DREAM
Chapter 16
Yes, I'm in love
"Hey, what are you doing here alone?" Someone asked when you were in the square near Darren's house. You looked up to find his brother Chuck there.
"I just wanted to get some fresh air." You answered smiling faintly and a bit uncomfortable, you really wanted to be alone; you were still feeling terrible for what your dad has done.
"Makes sense. Do you mind if I join you?" Chuck asked pointing a place next to you. You only shook your head in response, so he sat next to you on the grass. "I wanted to thank you for the breakfast. Do you have any idea when was the last time I've had a breakfast like that? Not that I'm complaining about my mom's breakfasts, but those are so healthy and boring and yours was just so delicious! Good way to start the day."
Oh god, Chuck talked just as fast as Darren and it seemed he also was that kind of guy who talked a lot. Maybe it was a family thing. It was funny because Darren and Chuck were so similar but different at the same time. Chuck seemed to be calm and ease, while Darren was very expressive, sometimes exaggerated, and he was kinda hyperactive. You looked at Chuck and you smiled, trying to be polite, even if you weren't in mood to talk to someone.
"Well, I needed to do something to thank you all for welcoming me in your home. Not everybody would do what you all did." You said shrugging and very thankful.
"Yeah, I heard my mom and Darren talking earlier. Apparently you're gonna stay at our home for a while." Chuck said frowning and you felt really ashamed. Did it mean that Darren hasn't told his parents last night that you were going to stay at their house?
"Wait... Hasn't Darren told...? Oh gosh. Yeah, that was the idea but apparently... Oh god, you didn't know about this. I feel so ashamed. I didn't want... I mean... Damn." You rambled feeling very embarrassed and confused. Chuck only giggled softly.
"I know what you may be thinking... Let me tell you that you're more than welcome in our home and more if you keep making breakfasts like this." Chuck said looking at you amused but smiling friendly. "May I ask you why you're going to stay here? Of course, if you don't mind telling me."
"No, actually I think you all must know, I mean... I'm a stranger staying at your home, so it's my duty to let you know..."
"Hold on, wait a minute." Chuck interrupted you abruptly and you looked at him frowning. "First of all, you aren't a stranger. You're my bro's friend and trust me, we know a lot about you; Darren wouldn't stop talking about you. And secondly, I don't want you to feel forced to tell me why you're gonna stay; it's not your duty. If you're gonna stay here, it must be for a good reason, otherwise Darren wouldn't have looked worried this morning while talking to my mom. If you're going to tell me it must be because you want to, not because you think it's your duty. If you feel forced, then I don't have to know why you're here." Chuck said again talking very fast as Darren.
"I... well..." You started babbling because you weren't expecting something like this. Should you tell him why you were going to stay there? Well, you were still thinking it was your duty.
"I'm making you uncomfortable, aren't I?" Chuck asked looking at you, but he wasn't upset, it was more as if he could understand you.
"No! No, you aren't... No..." You exclaimed quickly feeling really guilty. "No, it's just... I don't want to bug you with my problems."
"You won't bug me. Sometimes, we all need someone to talk to... I don't know why you think that telling your problems to someone is wrong, actually it's the opposite. Not only is good for you, but also for the one you're telling your problems. It's like a vote of confidence that you place in the other person." Chuck said quietly and shrugging as you looked at him amazed, he had a point there, a point of view you've never seen before. "I do understand if you don't want to tell me, I know we aren't so close, so you may feel uncomfortable and it's perfectly understandable." He said kindly looking into your eyes. "And I won't get mad if you don't tell me... But I'll get mad if you steal my chewing gums hidden in the cupboard." He joked and you chuckled softly. Well, he had the same sense of humor than Darren.
"And if I told you... Would you give me one of your chewing gums? Now I'm intrigued to know how those taste." You continued with the joke and Chuck laughed. He had almost the same laughter than Darren; and his eyes were very bright when he laughed, just like Darren. Yes, they were definitely brothers.
"Maybe... I don't know... I'll have to think about it." He replied amused and then he stared at you with a warm smile. Was that also a family thing, to be adorable? "Well, I'll do it only because you're my bro's friend and judging by what he said about you, you are a cool person."
"Well, okay. What exactly has Darren told you about me?" You asked curiously. So, Darren used to talk about you, Chuck was assuring this.
"Oh, boy! A lot of things! I wouldn't be able to tell you all the things he says because we'd spend all day long talking about this. Let's say that all he said about you are nice things and it seems he really loves you, just as Jen. I don't know what you did with my bro, but it's definitely a good thing." Chuck said looking at the grass and smiling joyfully. "You know... Darren... Darren is a special person, you surely know it." Chuck said almost in a whisper still looking at the grass while you were looking at him confused. What was he trying to say? You didn't say anything at all. "He's a really good person, always taking care of those he loves; but he always had this kind of problem, that he can break so easily when someone hurts him, because he cannot understand it, he never could because of his own kindness. He changed it when he met Jen, his self-confidence grew and he got stronger. But when he met you..."
"I screwed what he had got?" You asked really confused and frowning and Chuck looked up at you.
"No, it's the opposite." Chuck answered quickly, shaking his head. "He got with Jen all the confidence he needed, but there was something missing; something that you filled when you appeared. Everybody at home noticed it; now he was like... I don't know, happier. He was confident and strong, and he had his sense of humor and all you know about him; but he didn't have that excitement that everybody has when you have actually something interesting to do in a random day. And you should see his face whenever he talks about you... it's so funny. It's like you've changed him for good and I don't know how you managed to do in a couple of months what we have tried to do for years. And it's amazing." Chuck said smiling gladly. "And we noticed his sudden change of mood when you and he were apart for a while. He was all the time so sullen and we were worried he could return to be the way he used to be when he was at elementary school. And now that you're back, the change is noticeable. You make him be happy, like... I don't know how to explain it, like; you keep him in balance; so you definitely must be a special person as he always says. It'd be sad if you grew apart again; I know it'll hurt him so much even if he would insist he's fine." Chuck said deep in thought. Why was he telling you all of this? It was like very private; but you were glad to have heard that; you were thrilled.
"Wow. I didn't know he... I'd have never imagined that I could have that effect on someone. I really didn't know..." You spluttered still thrilled and amazed. "I'm not special, trust me. I'm more like this troublesome and geek girl that nobody wants around. I'm only a weirdo and people made it clear, everybody knows it."
"You know, most of people think that being a weirdo it's something bad, something wrong because it's not what we're used to see normally and we think that what it isn't normal is bad, because it's against all we learned as the usual settled parameters of life." Chuck said almost philosophically and you were listening to him very intently. "What we haven't learned is that normal isn't always right. We were taught under the precepts of what our ancestors thought it was right. And maybe it was right, but now those precepts are un-contextualized from the era in which we live now. Society and its way of interacting with others has changed, so as its behavior patterns; so we cannot be stuck in what our parents had taught us, because it no longer works in this society." Chuck said as if he was an adult or a teacher, he sounded really firm and determined that it amazed you; but you were still confused. "What I'm trying to say here is that being a weirdo is a cool thing, because it means that you're figuring out your own way to live life, and you aren't stuck on those patterns that don't fit here any longer. Being a weirdo is cool because it means you don't want to be one else in this mass society and consumer society; you want to be different, you want to be considered as the way you really are with your own personality, and not as another depersonalized human being. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you be someone else is the greatest accomplishment. So that's why being a weirdo is cool, because it makes you different and what makes you different is what makes you special. So there you have your answer... Darren said you were special and cool and I can assure it."
Oh wow, such a meditation and deliberation about life. You've never seen things like that and it made so much sense when Chuck explained it all. How come you never considered this different point of view? You thought that you were so used to think that what you were doing was wrong because nobody could accept it, that you never thought that maybe it wasn't that you were wrong, it was only that they couldn't get it because they weren't used at that. You were so focused on what people said about you, that you thought that you were as they thought you were, and not as you really were; you were so used to hear that being a weirdo was wrong that it convinced you instead of thinking that it could be the only thing which would help you to be different from others and reach that thing you wanted for life. And then it came Chuck with his way of thinking about life and it changed your point of view; as if you were blinded all this time and suddenly you took off the bandage from your eyes, giving you a whole new perspective of life. You were so puzzled that you could hardly talk. Wow, Chuck was really impressive.
"Geez! This is what I call to be flabbergasted. You're a fucking genius." You said with eyes wide open, still amazed. Chuck, next to you, laughed.
"Thanks for the compliment. But I'm not a genius; I'm just used to ponder a lot in my spare time." He said still laughing. "I don't know... It's like I'm always wondering... And why things have to be like this if it could be another way? Like, there must be something else, deeper, that explains those complicated things in life that we cannot understand. Like, I'm never satisfied by knowing only one point of view about things. And when you start wondering things like these is when your prospect is extended, considering possibilities never before considered." Chuck said shrugging. "Not for nothing we have the ability to be thinking beings, not for nothing we have a restless mind. We're only afraid of what we could find because it could change everything we thought as a fact. When you lose that fear, then you'll be amazed on how different things can be and how great it is."
"Oh my God. I've learned with you and this little talk all that I haven't learned in all my years of life." You said astonished and very thoughtful now.
"I hope that is a good thing." He said looking into your eyes amused.
"It is." You said nodding and smiling at him.
Chuck and you kept exchanging points of view about a lot of things and what it seemed that it was going to be a tough and sad day, it turned out to be a good day and you almost forgot about the way your father kicked you out; and all thanks to Chuck. You finally had the chance to know him more and he was an amazing person. You kept finding more similarities between him and Darren, as some facial expressions and way to talk. After a while you finally explained him why you were going to stay at his home and he was very supportive to you. He was just as warm-hearted as Darren was and he made you feel very comfortable. You thought that you were very lucky to have met the Criss family, it was a real and solid family, all of them very nice. They were the ones who made you feel good by being yourself; they were the ones who taught you that being yourself is the real way to find happiness. Now that you were with them, you didn't want to let them go. And Chuck… Chuck was so like Darren…
"Darren?" You heard suddenly a woman's voice yelling. "What are you doing there, hiding behind a tree?"
Both Chuck and you turned around to look in the direction right where the voice came from. There you could see a part of Darren's arm. Was then he spying you and Chuck? Why? Why wouldn't he walk to you and join you? When you and Chuck walked towards him, you could notice he was blushing, well, it was more than obvious because he was red. Darren like that reminded you of a shy little kid, and it was funny. When you headed to Darren's house to have lunch, you realized that Darren didn't move, so you walked towards him again.
"So...It seems you're getting along with my bro." Darren said at one point, looking down when you were walking to his house.
"Oh yes!" You exclaimed happily when you remembered your conversation with Chuck. "He's awesome! I'm really happy to have known him a bit more. We share a lot of things, it's amazing! He made me feel very comfortable and I don't know... He is very kind."
"Oh, I see..." Darren said serious and frowning.
Why would he answer like that? He was acting very weird since you walked to him. Maybe he didn't like the idea of you getting along with his brother, perhaps he didn't want you to interact with his family. What if you were doing the wrong thing? What if he was thinking that you were a meddlesome? What if he was thinking you were taking advantages you shouldn't take? Well, you felt kinda bad when you thought about this. You couldn't understand why Darren was being like that and you didn't dare to ask, so you preferred to be quiet and try to figure it out with time.
"I'll open the door, it must be Jen." I announced, standing up when I heard the doorbell.
I was in the backyard with Chuck and Freckles while my mom was baking a cake and my dad was reading a book in the kitchen to be with my mom. I was glad that the doorbell rang because I couldn't be there alone with Freckles and Chuck anymore. They were playing chess, and talking and laughing and all, and I was there as if I was invisible. When I offered her to stay here, I wasn't expecting this at all. Yes, I loved the idea of her getting along with my family, but she was getting along with Chuck way too much, more than I liked. When she accepted to stay at my home, I imagined spending with her long nights of talks and laughs, I imagined being close to her, I imagined that I was going to get the chance to stay together more time; but now it seemed that she was living here but I couldn't be as close to her as when we lived in different places. And now... now that I said that I was going to open the door, neither Freckles nor Chuck listened to me, they only kept laughing at some stupid joke. When I stood up they didn't even notice I was leaving. I opened the door and I saw Jen there, smiling happily next to a four years old little boy, her cousin.
"Hi Dar!" Jen smiled cheerfully and I smiled back at her faintly.
"Hi, Jen." I greeted and then I crouched down to greet her little cousin. "Hi, little buddy. How are you doing?" I asked, knocking fists together, giving him a dap.
"I'm great!" He exclaimed excited and jumping and it made me smile widely. He was the cutest boy for sure. "Look what I've got! A ball of He-Man!"
"Oh dude! That's freaking awesome! Now you're gonna be able to defeat the evil forces of Skeletor. Maybe if we play with it, we're gonna be able to defend the realm of Eternia and the secrets of Castle Grayskull." I said in a whisper as if it was a secret, to make him even more excited and it worked. That was what I loved about kids, they could be so happy and excited even for the smallest things.
"Yes!" He exclaimed jumping in excitement and I couldn't help but to giggle. "We'll have a superhuman strength!"
"By the Power of Grayskull!" I exclaimed out loud as a warrior. I loved playing with him.
"I have the power!" He exclaimed just as loud, like a hero.
"Yaaaaay!" I cheered.
"Oh my God." Jen suddenly exclaimed. "Darren, you're such a nerd. I can't believe this; I can't believe that you know about He-Man." She said frowning and shaking her head as I burst out laughing.
"Hey, it's He-Man! He's pretty awesome, you know." I said still laughing. "Come on, let's go to the backyard so we can play ball."
"It's more than obvious that I'm not playing." Jen said serious.
"We'll see that..." I said amused looking at her.
When we got into the house, Joe, Jen's cousin, ran to the backyard excited and Jen and I laughed. I was also heading to the there, but Jen stopped me and she looked around before looking at me.
"I'm sorry, I had to bring Joe with me because, you know... My aunt was going to..."
"Jenny, it's alright. It's amazing that Joe is here, I missed that little buddy." I interrupted with a gentle smile.
"Thank you a lot, Dar." She said thankfully smiling. "So... How is Freckles doing? You know, about that she regained memory and her father... you know..."
"Oh..." I said now looking down as my smile vanished. "She's doing better than I thought."
"What do you mean? Isn't she sad or something? You know, it's normal and after all the things that happened to her..."
"Oh trust me; she seems to be better than ever." I said kinda bitterly. I shouldn't be feeling like this. What was wrong with me? I should feel happy for her, because she wasn't so down.
"Wow Darren, I don't get it. That's a good thing, I don't get why you said it as if it was the worst thing ever..." Jen said frowning, looking intently at me. Damn it. Jen always had that ability to get so fast how I was feeling. Sometimes I wished it wasn't like that.
"No, it's not... It's not like that... Never mind. She's doing fine and that's what matters." I said feeling ashamed of myself and my way of feeling about this situation. "She's in the backyard; surely you want to see her. Let's go, shall we?"
"Yes, let's go." Jen answered excited. She seemed to be anxious to check if Freckles was fine or not.
We walked to the backyard, willing to talk to Freckles about all that happened; but as soon as we walked outside, we stood there abruptly, amazed by what we were seeing. Freckles wasn't playing chess with Chuck anymore; she was now playing ball with Joe, of course also with Chuck. They were laughing and playing around as little kids. They were running and getting their clothes dirty with grass and mud when they were falling on the ground, getting dirty as if nothing mattered because they were having fun. Seriously, I was seeing three kids playing on the yard. Jen smiled widely when she saw them playing so entertained and she was surely smiling by the way Joe was playing with them, because we both knew that Joe was a shy kid and he wouldn't play with a stranger. But, once again, Freckles had that amazing ability to make others like her so easily, at least outside school. I also smiled because it was very cute to see her having fun like that, because she was cute.
"I wouldn't dare to interrupt them. Freckles seems to be fine just as you said." Jen said smiling, still looking at them. "Do you want to join them? I'm going to be here, just observing."
"No, no, I'll stay with you. I prefer to see them playing." I answered.
Jen and I sat on the deck chairs and we stared at them in silence. I glanced at Jen and she was smiling very cheerfully, laughing every time someone fell on the grass while playing. And then we saw something actually very funny. I knew that Freckles was very clumsy, so something funny had to happen and it happened. She stumbled with her own feet and she fell on the grass, after doing a weird and extravagant movement to maintain balance. It was funny because it wasn't a very hard fall. But then I saw it, then I saw how Chuck crouched down to help her up, I saw how Freckles was still laughing of her own clumsiness, I saw how Chuck was laughing along with her and how happy they seemed to be together. And I saw how suddenly Chuck started tickling her and how he hugged her tightly, both of them still laughing. They were hugging, they were really close, more than I liked and I started to feel very jealous again. I was kind of upset, because being jealous made me be upset. I was looking at them really serious and moody.
"Oh gosh, now I get it all..." Jen suddenly said and I startled. She took me off guard.
"What?" I asked moody and frowning and then I finally looked at her.
She wasn't looking at me, she was looking at Chuck and Freckles hugging and then she looked at me with eyes wide open and puzzled. Damn it, I knew that kind of look and I didn't like it, I knew that kind of look meant that she realized how things actually were and she was expecting some kind of explanation.
"Darren... Are you jealous of your own brother?" She asked cautiously and I cursed her inside. How could she figure it out so easily? How? I hated it.
"What? No, of course not... That's completely absurd and ridiculous! Jealous of my own brother, please Jen! Why would I be jealous anyway? Oh dude, please. That's so silly; I don't know how you can think such a thing, Jen. Geez." I said pretending to be hearing the most nonsense thing ever, running my fingers through my hair. But I was feeling nervous as hell.
"You're jealous, Darren, and don't lie to me. I know you pretty well to assure you're jealous."
"Oh please, Jen, stop it. It's so stupid." I said now really moody, looking away and frowning in annoyance.
"Darren, you have to talk about this. Tell me the truth, I'm your best friend and I know you since years." Jen said looking at me even if I wasn't looking at her. Now my gaze was focused on Freckles and Chuck, who were still fooling around very close.
"Argh, fine. Maybe I'm a little bit jealous. Happy?" I asked annoyed because I didn't want to admit it.
"Just a little bit?" Jen insisted and it irritated me.
"Very jealous like I cannot stand it, okay?" I responded even more irked. "I don't wanna talk about this anymore, it's not like I want to feel like this."
"I know..." Jen whispered, now also looking at Freckles and Chuck. "I asked this once, but I want you to answer it again... Are you falling for her?"
"No." I answered curtly.
"Are you sure, Dar?"
"Yes." I answered curtly again now feeling sad and impotent. "I'm not falling for her; I already fell for her, Jen, long time ago. I just didn't want to admit it." I admitted looking down and feeling troubled.
"Aww, why haven't you told me about this, Dar?"
"And what would I have said? Hey Jen, I'm fucking in love with this girl, and it's crazy, she doesn't even know who I am 'cause she lost her memory... But hey, I invited her for lunch and she changed me for that asshole in school called Brian. But it's cool 'cause she came to talk to me, but then she cursed at me and treated me like crap and I felt like shit; but that's alright 'cause she texted me later, she wanted to meet me at night; and I was this mess but I went because I love her...And awesome! She regained memory, but ouch, she remembered everything but when I kissed her. And wait; wait for the best part... She's gonna stay at my home! I'll be able to be with her more time and share all the things with her as I've ever wanted... Oh shit, but wait... She's all the time with my bro, my own bro is flirting with her and she's doing the same with him, and I'm only this invisible guy who's in love with an awesome girl who only wants this invisible guy as a friend. Cool story, dude." I said exaggeratedly and bitterly and then I saw Jen looking at me with eyes wide open and agape, obviously astonished.
"Wow, you've been holding this for so long. Listen Dar, it's not that terrible as you're saying..."
"Are you kidding me, Jen?" I asked in disbelief, feeling upset. "Are you trying to say that I'm overreacting and so stupid to be this pessimistic?"
"No, I'm not..."
"How would you feel if the guy you love is flirting with your best friend or something like that? How would you feel if you have to see it all the time and stay quiet because you don't dare to tell him your real feelings because you don't want to lose him as your friend? How do you think you will react if you feel so impotent and everything is going out of control? How would you feel if you've waiting for something for so damn long and when that time comes nothing is as you've expected and you are there, not knowing what to do and feeling lost and lopsided?" I asked anguished while Jen was looking at me sadly. "And I'm sorry, but I can't stop being pessimistic because I won't pretend I'm doing fine because I'm not, and with time I learned that I don't have to hide how I really feel."
"You're contradicting yourself there." Jen said quietly and I looked at her displeased. "You say you've learned not to hide how you feel, but you're hiding it when you don't dare to tell Freckles that you love her more than as a friend."
"It's not the same..." I said looking away and annoyed.
"Yes, it is." Jen said quietly. How could she be so quiet?
"No, it's not." I said firmly. "It's not the same to show people that you aren't doing fine for whatever the reasons are, than to show someone you're in love with that person, knowing that it'll lead you nowhere because that someone doesn't feel the same as you. You'll show me that you aren't fine, but you wouldn't meet the person you love to tell him how much in love you are with him, knowing that it won't work. So, don't tell me it's the same, because it's not."
"Let me ask you something... How can you be so sure that Freckles doesn't feel the same for you? Have you asked her something to be so sure about this?" Jen asked looking at me intently and I looked down. I didn't ask her anything, but it was more than obvious that she wasn't in love with me.
"No, I haven't..." I responded looking down.
"So you won't know it until you go and talk to her."
"I can't do that." I said frowning and shaking my head. "Jen, I don't need to ask her this to know that she doesn't feel the same. Only by observing how she acts around me I can tell that she only loves me as her friend, nothing else."
"Oh, there you're so mistaken!" Jen said looking at me, raising her eyebrows. "You know, human beings, most of the time, act different as we feel; you should know it because that's exactly what you're doing. You act with Freckles as if you were her friend and as if you don't feel anything else for her but love of a friend; while deep down you're dying to tell her that you're in love with her, you're dying to hold her hand and kiss her whenever you want. What if she is doing the same?"
"No, Jen." I sighed looking down. "She's not doing the same."
"How do you know it?"
"I don't know, I just know it." I said shrugging.
"Do you wanna know what I think? That you're a quitter who doesn't dare to talk to her to find out if she feels the same for you or not, because you're just too scared to hear that maybe, as a possibility, she doesn't feel the same so you'll have to deal with your pride. And you're too quitter that you don't take risks, so you'll never know that maybe she does feel the same and you're wasting your time thinking about unsure things, therefore making unsure decisions; because you think you know things but actually you don't know anything and you'll never know until you talk to her and you deal with what you really feel."
"No..." I said frowning to refute her, but I knew she was right, that was what was happening to me. "Well, maybe yes. If anything, if things are like that, I wouldn't talk to her about this, because she's not a random person, she's Freckles and I love her way too much to tear away from her if she doesn't feel the same. I prefer to be her friend and keep her near me."
"But at the end, you'll end up suffering anyway; just as you're suffering now because you think she's flirting with Chuck. Dar, it's time to have the guts to go and talk. This is the time we have to take risks, to make mistakes, to learn how to deal with new things; if you don't do it now, then when would you do it?" Jen asked firmly and looking at me while placing her hand above mine.
"I know this is our time, Jenny. But I just can't... I need to wait to be sure..." I said full of doubts and insecure.
"And for how long would you wait? Time maybe is the most valuable thing we've got. Everybody says that with time things will solve. And maybe yes, but those things won't solve by themselves; you have to do something, you have to act or then time will become your worst enemy, maybe you'll end up waiting all your life long for the right time in the right place and maybe the right time and the right place is here and now. Don't wait for something you want, just do something to get that something you want." Jen said wisely and meditatively and I looked at her sadly because yes, she had a very good point there.
"But this isn't only about me, Freckles is also involved so I can't be selfish and think only about myself. What if I tell her that I'm in love with her and she just tears away because she didn't want this to be like that?" I asked feeling troubled because I was a mess.
"Well, at least you'll know that you've tried it and you didn't stand there not doing anything at all. Because if you don't try, someday you're going to wake up and notice that you should've tried. And at the end, it's better to look back at your life and say I can't believe I did that, than saying I wish I did that." Jen said and I nodded because dammit, she was always right. "And you know, after all, there is no end, there is no beginning; there is only the infinite passion of life. So don't be afraid of what it'll come to be, be afraid of not standing up for something you want with your heart. It's time not to act as our minds tell is right, but to act as our hearts tell is right, only in your heart you'll find the answer."
"That's so sappy, but so accurate..." I said thoughtful, still looking down and freaking out because Jen was actually convincing me to talk to Freckles, she was convincing me that it was the best option.
"I know... Tell me Dar, are you very sure you're in love with her?" Jen asked curiously.
"Yes, I'm very sure." I answered firmly, nodding.
"So let me ask you... Why do you love her?" Jen asked and I was about to answer but she stopped me. "Think about your answer, think about which the real reasons why you love her are; and then tell me."
"Well..." I said thoughtful after a while, looking down.
When I was thinking about those reasons my heart started beating faster and I felt a huge happiness inside that I barely could contain. Thinking about her made me feel like this. I looked up to see Freckles laughing genuinely and still playing with Joe, with all her brightness and cuteness; she was outstanding. When I started answering I never stopped looking at her.
"It's a hard question to answer, because there's no reason in particular, because is the sum of all the little things about her what amazes me and makes me feel that I need to be with her. Mostly, I'd say it's because she's banged up mentally and emotionally, literally and metaphorically; but every day she walks outside with a smile on her face because that's who she is. Because I've grown tremendously as a person since I met her, she's changed me for the better in so many ways; because her gorgeous smile always lights up my day, because she says the cutest things that make me laugh, because she always brings out the best in me, because I love the way our hands fit so perfectly together; I love how we can talk without saying a word, I love how she still acts like a big kid just like me, I love that we can talk for hours about nothing, I love how we can have fun doing absolutely nothing, I love the way she says my name, I love how it is always hard for me to leave her every night, and how I can't wait to see her the next day. I love her personality. But mostly because she's the last person I want to see when I go to sleep, and the first person I want to wake up to. I often wonder why I love her and then I find out that it's only her presence." I finally said.
I was still looking at Freckles, feeling this strong love for her, something that I haven't felt before. More than telling this to Jen, I pictured I was telling this all to Freckles. This was what I wanted to tell her, but what I couldn't. Man, I wanted her so badly; I wished things could be easier. I only wanted to walk to her and hold her in my arms like forever. Then I stopped looking at her because I seemed like a fool, so I just looked at Jen, who was looking at me with a warm smile on her face and teary eyes. What? Why would she have teary eyes?
"That is surely one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. And yes, I believe you're in love with her, Dar." Jen said placing a hand above mine again and I started feeling ashamed. Like that was so very private, those were things that I only thought in my mind and I surely sounded so mushy. "Go for her, Dar; don't waste your time with doubts and fears. Tell her all you just said, you'll touch her soul. After all, if not now, then when? Life will always be full of later, of challenges, of later on. It's better to admit it and decide to be happy now anyway. There is no later nor a way to happiness, happiness is the way and is now. And judging by the way you were looking at her while you were telling all the reasons you love her; I can assuredly say that she's the one with whom you can share that happiness and the time is now. Go, talk to her, now." Jen said encouragingly looking into my eyes and suddenly I felt very nervous.
"Like... Now? Right now?" I asked nervously.
"Like right now. If you think about it too much, then you'll end up doing nothing; because that is what happens all the times we postpone things. Go now and talk to her, meanwhile I'll entertain Chuck and Joe. Go, Dar!" She exclaimed encouragingly and positively.
"You're right. I'll talk to her right now." I said firmly and bravely, standing up.
But when I stood up I felt very dizzy, I felt extremely nervous and I felt that thing called adrenalin. I could barely breathe normally and my heart was beating so very fast that it was insane. Dammit, this could change absolutely everything, this was so risky, and I started doubting again. But I saw her and seeing her flawless laughter was all I needed to be brave and walk towards her. I wanted this with all my soul; therefore, I needed to do something. She was the one; she was all that I wanted. But then I heard the doorbell again and I stood abruptly. Jen was now talking to Chuck and Joe and Freckles was still with them, and none of them seemed to have heard the doorbell. Well, maybe my mom or dad would open the door. But the doorbell rang again and I just turned around to go to open the door. Maybe it was a signal that I shouldn't to talk to her now. Moody, I opened the door.
"Hi."
"Hey...What are you doing here?" I asked bewildered and amazed when I saw Mandy standing there.
You were having a lovely afternoon at Darren's home. You were getting along with Chuck better than you've expected. You spent hours playing chess with him, talking and joking; just fooling around. Meanwhile, Darren's mom and dad were in the kitchen baking a cake and Darren was just chilling out in the yard. This seemed to be a routine to them and it was great; everything seemed so natural and relaxing that it amazed you. Things got better when a little boy arrived with a ball on his hands. You wondered who he could be and Chuck explained you that he was Jen's little cousin called Joe. So Jen was there too, and it made happy. Anyway, you didn't see her nor Darren, so you started talking to this little and cute boy.
"Hi, buddy." You greeted him cheerfully and he smiled shyly, looking down. He didn't answer at all.
"He's so very shy and he barely talks to strangers, so don't feel bad." Chuck whispered in your ear and you nodded.
"Hey, is that a He-man ball?" You asked surprised and smiling widely, trying to make him feel less shy.
Chuck looked at you astonished and amused. You really didn't know how you knew about He-man, you just knew it. And it worked, because the little boy looked at you brightly and you noticed how his face lit up when you said so. The boy only nodded energetically and vividly.
"Oh my god! That's so amazing, you know? I always wanted to have a ball like this one, it must be powerful!" You exclaimed excited, crouching down.
"Yes! Daz told me the same." The boy said very low, smiling shyly.
"Daz is Darren, just so you know." Chuck whispered in your ear again. "I can't believe he's actually talking to you, he never does that. It took years for us to make him talk to us."
"I'm a lucky one, then." You whispered, giggling happily.
"Not a lucky one, maybe a lovable one." Chuck whispered, smiling friendly at you and you felt flattered.
"And how did you get that ball?" You asked nicely, smiling at the little boy.
"Santa gave it to me last Christmas." The little boy answered, still shyly.
"Oh, that must be because you are a really good kid. Not anybody would get a He-man ball!" You said joyfully.
"My mommy told me the same. But no one wants to play with me." The little boy said looking down and you felt kinda sad.
"Well then, they're losing the chance to play with a powerful ball and with a warrior buddy." You said winking at him and he smiled again. Oh, he was so cute. "I'd be honored if you let me play with you."
"Would you really play with me?" The little boy asked surprised and excited. His eyes were so full of hopes and desires that it killed you because of his cuteness.
"Yes, of course!" You said smiling widely. Oh gosh, you wanted to hug that little boy.
"Really, really?" The little boy asked, jumping of excitement while Chuck was looking at you both amazed.
"Really, really!" You exclaimed excited and feeling very touched at his excitement.
"Thank you! I really wanted someone to play with me!" The boy exclaimed excited and then he threw his little arms around your neck.
Oh gosh, he was hugging you and it was surely weird judging by what Chuck told you. Of course you hugged him back because he was very cute and you just loved little kids. While you were hugging him, you glanced at Chuck who was looking at you very puzzled and astonished, with his lips parted and his brows raised. Then the little boy moved away and he kissed your cheek in a super sweet way. Oh please, could he be even cuter?
"How's your name?" The boy asked cheerfully now, and definitely feeling less shy.
"You can call me Freckles." You answered with a warm smile.
"Alright, Freckles! Let's go, let's play!" The boy jumped in excitement and he grabbed your hand to lead you to a place where you could play.
"Unbelievable!" You heard how Chuck exclaimed loudly behind you and you couldn't help but to giggle.
So that was the way you spent all the afternoon, just playing around with Joe and Chuck. It was very funny and you realized how much you needed something like this, to have fun and not to worry about everyday problems. Since you were living at Darren's home everything was going fine; it wasn't as bad as you thought, you weren't feeling as blue as you thought you'd feel. There was a magical thing on the Criss family, something that was making you feel as though you were home. And it scared you when you thought that maybe the Criss family was better than you family, actually you felt bad when you thought about it, but you couldn't help to feel this way, to feel as happy as you haven't been since years. You were still playing with them when Jen arrived and you felt really happy to see her again and actually recognize her.
"Jen!" You greeted happily.
"Freckles!" She smiled widely and she pulled you into a warm hug. It was very good to see her again. "I've been told that you've regained memory, I'm so happy for that."
"Yes, that's right. I feel so bad because I treated you..." You started to say apologetically, but she stopped you.
"No, no, no. Everything is okay, we understand you." She said smiling friendly. "And I see you're getting along with Joe, that's something extraordinary to see, you know?"
"I know, Chuck told me so." You said smiling cheerfully.
"It's so great to see you so cheery, Freckles." Jen suddenly said.
"Jenny!" Chuck suddenly exclaimed loudly and he pulled her into a very tight hug, tickling her. Wow, their friendship was amazing; you thought that maybe Jen was like a part of the family for them.
Then they started talking about things you didn't get and Joe was now playing with the flowers of the garden, apparently trying to chase ants or something, so you just let him have fun. But you didn't know what to do there. You looked for Darren but you didn't see him, maybe he was with his parents. Well, you just headed to the kitchen to join them and maybe you could help with the cake. When you entered the kitchen, Darren wasn't there, but his parents looked at you with warm smiles. Oh well, they were so kind to you.
"How's that going? It smells so good." You commented, smiling politely. "Do you need any help?"
"No, sweetheart. It's almost done, so you should be enjoying this lovely day with the boys." Darren's mom said, smiling just as politely.
"Oh, I've been enjoying it." You replied joyfully. "I didn't have the chance to thank you, for letting me be here."
"Not a problem at all, sweetheart. You're very welcome at our home. We're glad to have you here, so you can stay as long as you need." She said smiling warmly. How could she be so warm-hearted?
"Thank you very much, it means a lot to me. I really don't know what I'd do if you..." You said now with strangled voice, when you remembered why you were there.
You tried to hold back your tears because you didn't want them to see you crying. You couldn't finish the sentence because words wouldn't come out. Darren's mom noticed this, so she walked towards you and gave you one warm and comforting embrace. It felt very reassuring and nice. Geez, the Criss family was giving you all you needed in that moment. You thought that you'd be eternally grateful to them.
"If you ever need something, don't hesitate to ask, sweetheart." Darren's mom said while stroking your hair softly as you felt so good. Who would do something like that for you? You were feeling very thrilled.
"Thanks, honestly." You said with choked voice because of your thrill. "I don't know how I'm gonna return all you're doing for me."
"Oh no, we aren't doing this to get something in return." She said smiling kindly and you smiled back to show her how thankful you were. "Oh, it seems cake is already done! Would you mind to call Darren? I think he's in his bedroom."
"Yes, sure." You smiled politely.
You headed upstairs to call Darren; you knew exactly where his bedroom was. While you were walking to there, you were thinking how lucky you were to have met Darren and his family; they were making you feel as if you were really loved, as if they really cared about you; and that was priceless. You knocked the door when you arrived, and he didn't answer; so you, shyly, opened the door. And there you saw them. You were completely in shock, you just couldn't believe it. They were there, now looking at you terrified and you just couldn't move because of your astonishment.
"Why?" You asked to yourself, feeling how your heart was breaking into billion pieces.
"I only want to talk to you." Mandy said looking down, shyly.
"What about?" I asked without inviting her to come in. Just when I was about to talk to Freckles she had to appear.
"About the way I treated you that day in school. I shouldn't have done it, I overreacted because I wasn't having a good day and..." Mandy started saying, apologetically, still looking down. "Do you think I can come in? I feel uncomfortable talking here."
"Umm..." I babbled thoughtful.
I didn't want Freckles to see her, because I didn't want her to see me with another girl or she'd think that Mandy was my lover or something and I only wanted Freckles. Yes, I still thought that Mandy was a hell of sexy woman, but I didn't feel for her the same I was feeling for Freckles. And that was the time when I noticed the difference between having a crush and being in love.
"Yes, sure." I finally replied, stepping aside to let her come in. She entered shyly and then she headed to the couch, but I stopped her. We shouldn't talk there, it was risky. "No wait; let's go to my bedroom. We have visitors and I don't want to bother them."
"Oh, okay." She said shyly and then I started walking to my bedroom as Mandy followed me.
When we entered my bedroom, she looked all around, amazed. Fortunately, my bedroom wasn't as untidy as the time when Freckles came here. I've learned my lesson with her; and more now that Freckles was staying at my home, so I didn't know, maybe she could enter my bedroom sometime and I didn't want to feel ashamed again. So I let Mandy look around and I sat on the edge of my bed in silence, so Mandy then could sit on the chair of my desk.
"You weren't lying when you told me you loved music." Mandy commented when she looked at the corner where I had all my musical instruments.
"No, I'm not used to lying." I said curtly, with double intention: one because it was the truth, and then also because I was still upset for the way she lied about me in public. She definitely got it, because she looked down.
"I'm sorry, Darren." She apologized and I didn't say anything at all. "Answer me something." She begged, now looking at me with teary eyes.
"What do you want me to answer?" I asked serious, looking fixedly into her eyes. This time she wasn't going to make me fall into her trap with her crying. "You're forgiven, I don't care what you did, it's in the past. But I'm not falling again because I know how it'll end up."
"We're still on time, Darren." She said with hopes, now sitting on the edge of the bed next to me, and I moved a bit away from her. "This time I was away from you I realized this is what I want; I want you to be with me and I'm ready to make it public." She said placing a hand above mine and I moved my hand away, looking away. "When we were apart I realized I miss you because you are the one who always make me laugh without expecting anything in return. And I can't believe I let you go, I was so stupid. But now I'm sure, I'm sure about this, about us. And I don't care what people would think because I know I'll be happy only with you. I'm ready now, Darren." She whispered, getting closer to me and now I didn't have more room on the bed to move away from her.
"Cool, you're ready now." I said curtly and coldly. "Well, I also thought a lot when we were apart. The difference is that, unlike you, I realized that this isn't what I want. I'm really sorry, Mandy. If you want, we can be friends, but I'm not gonna date you or anything like that. I'm not your type and you made it clear; and you're not my type either." I answered firmly and I was hurting her feelings, but what could I do? I didn't want to have a love affair with her now. "Listen, you're this flawless and gorgeous girl, any man would want to be with you. And trust me, this is what I wanted before, the most I wanted was to be with you and I was dreaming for that day to happen. I had a crush on you since... I don't know, since the first time I saw you, last year. Goddammit, I'd have done everything only to get to be with you at least few seconds. And when you talked to me the first time I was like flying, so incredulous to believe it happened for real. Geez, I was so damn happy. Imagine when I got the first date with you, I was crazy. It was insane the fact that the hottest girl in school wanted to hang out with a dork like me. And when we kissed, oh dammit, I was so hyper." I admitted while she was looking at me smiling. I didn't know why I was saying all of this, but I needed to say it. "But then shit started happening, first when I heard the way your friend Alice or whatshername started talking about me as though I were a creep. And then... you have no idea how it hurt me the way you acted in a different way with me when we were in school. I thought you were different, Mandy. And yes, maybe you're a good person; but I can't have a love affair with you because I know it won't last, because you're not the one with whom I imagine myself spending time together just bullshitting. I'll always remember you as the girl who used to take my breath away, but now I look at you... and I don't feel the same as before. It's as if the magic has vanished..."
Wow, I felt good saying all that, I felt more relaxed. I've been waiting for so long to tell her all of this; not because I wanted to hurt her feelings, no, I didn't want it, but because it was time to say all that I was holding on. And this was the first step if I wanted to be with Freckles, to clear things up with Mandy first. Mandy was looking at me distressed, but I couldn't do anything, I wouldn't regret what I said because that was how I felt.
"I could take your breath away over again if you let me." Mandy said getting even closer.
"What? No, Mandy, I..." I started saying but I couldn't even finish the sentence.
She pounced over me and she made me lay down in bed while she got on top of me. Of course I tried to move her away from me, because no, I didn't want this. But she grabbed my arms strongly and before I could do something, she started kissing me. It was a very different type of kiss from the others we shared. This was a needy and wild kiss, it was very passionate and it seemed she was like devouring me. I couldn't deny that the kiss was so good, but I didn't feel the same than when I kissed Freckles; I preferred Freckles' kisses. And damn hell, she placed her hands on my stomach underneath my shirt and she started running her fingers through my stomach till my chest before she took my shirt off. Oh no, no, no; I needed to stop this. I was about to take her away and curse at her, but she kissed me again, this time harder and deeper; while she was taking her own shirt off. What the hell? This was not what I wanted, even if I was starting to feel aroused because of the hormones. I finally managed to push her away, upset and annoyed.
"What the fuck, Mandy? What the fuck?" I yelled furiously and I stood up, trying to get away from her.
"I know you want this, Darren. I know you like this, I know this arouses you." Mandy said while she started to unbutton her own jeans and I looked away. "Wouldn't you look at me?" She asked sensually but I didn't look at her at all.
"No. Get out of here, Mandy. I don't want you to be in my bedroom, I don't want you to be near me. Get out." I requested harshly, still looking away.
And I didn't notice she was now behind me and she wrapped her arms around me, rubbing my lower abdomen, near the spot of my pelvic area. Oh damn hell, no one touched me there before and it was so fucking arousing. I really wanted to pull her away, but I just couldn't. I let myself be carried away, thinking it was Freckles the one who was doing this. She turned me around and pulled me into a very fierce kiss, leading me to bed again. She pushed me into the bed and she got on top of me again, while still rubbing my lower abdomen, now trying to unbutton my jeans. She stopped kissing my lips fiercely and she started to run her tongue from my chest to my belly bottom. Oh damn, this was the first time someone was doing something like this to me and it felt so fucking arousing and good. But no, I didn't want my first time to be with her; I finally noticed she was Mandy and not Freckles. I didn't want to try new things never experienced with Mandy; I wanted to experience new things with Freckles. I tried to push her away over again, but she started kissing me again fiercely. And then I heard how someone knocked the door and I tried to move away from her desperately, but evidently she didn't hear someone knocking the door, so she kept kissing me and I was so desperate, I didn't want anyone to see me like this. And I heard how someone opened the door, and that was the time when Mandy set me free and we both looked at the door to find Freckles looking at us in shock. Holy damn shit! This couldn't be happening, oh no! No, why did it happen? Freckles was the main person I didn't want to see me with Mandy; and she not only saw when I was with Mandy, but also she saw how Mandy was like devouring me wildly, even if I didn't want it. But how would Freckles know that I didn't want to be with Mandy if the only she could see was us making out? I pushed Mandy away from me harshly and I quickly stood up. Shit, I wasn't wearing a shirt and my jeans were unbuttoned, and Mandy wasn't wearing a shirt either. Fuck, Freckled would surely be thinking the worst. How could I make her believe me if it seemed that we were actually about to have sex or something? Oh I was so screwed, man. I attempted to walk towards Freckles and explain her all of this, but no word came out from my mouth because I didn't know what to say. Mandy, behind me, finally asked something.
"What are you doing here?" She asked in disbelief.
I was only looking at Freckles, feeling terrible. Freckles was still in shock, but she glanced at Mandy and then she looked at me, with eyes wide open and hurt.
"Freckles...Let me explain..." I started saying feeling very, but very shameful and terrible.
But Freckles shook her head and ran away as fast as possible, without saying anything at all. I stood there for few seconds, feeling horrible and fearful because I knew that it was going to be hard to tell her all I truly felt for her now, she wouldn't believe me. Damn, just when I decided to tell her I was in love with her. I looked at Mandy very furious and then I ran behind Freckles.
"Freckles, wait!" I yelled while running behind her. She didn't stop. "Freckles, let me explain you, it's not what it seems." I yelled even louder.
She stopped in the living room and I saw how my mom, my dad, Chuck and Jen popped into the room when they heard me yelling. Fuck, they needed to go away. I was so nervous, but I walked towards Freckles and I held her hand, but she moved it away and I felt afflicted. She was looking down and she wouldn't look into my eyes. My family and Jen were observing the situation very confused and then they looked behind me. I noticed how Jen raised her eyebrows and then she looked down, shaking her head. Mandy surely popped in the living room and that was the reason why everybody was looking behind me. Well, this was a very awful situation, I was still without my shirt and my jeans were unbuttoned; I looked behind me to see if Mandy was like me, but no, she was wearing her shirt now and she was looking at Freckles astonished. I looked at Freckles again and she was now looking at Mandy frowning and distressed. Oh man.
"What are you doing here?" Mandy asked the same that she asked upstairs.
"I'm wondering the same. What are you doing here?" Freckles finally spoke and I looked at them confused, as everybody in the room.
"I asked first." Mandy said coldly. Everybody was looking at them very intently, including me.
"I'm living here." Freckles answered just as coldly. "And you?"
"I'm visiting my boyfriend." Mandy answered and I looked at her furious and incredulous.
"What? No..." I started saying really annoyed and worried because it wasn't like that and Freckles heard that lie. Everybody in the room was silent and this was so uncomfortable. I looked at Freckles and she was now frowning and looking down. "Freckles, it's not..."
"Then I guess I'll see you often here too." Freckles said, ignoring me. Has she said 'too'? So... Did she know Mandy?
"He's worried, you know? You should come back and stop thinking about yourself." Mandy said coldly.
"Yeah, sure... And now he cares about me, and so do you. Great joke." Freckles replied ironically and I was just too confused.
"Yes, we do. You shouldn't have disappeared like that." Mandy said, walking towards Freckles and Freckles stepped back. What was going on here?
"What do you expect? He kicked me out! Did he tell you that or not?" Freckles said now with strangled voice and teary eyes and I saw how Mandy looked down.
"Sorry to interrupt... But, do you know each other?" I asked curious and very confused. Freckles looked at me frowning and serious.
"Yes. She's my sister, Amanda." Freckles answered curtly.
"Oh, holy shit." I exclaimed troubled.