A/N: Okay, wow! Wow, guys! I reached the 100 reviews! This is insane! I honestly can't believe it, I never thought I could get so many reviews, not ever. I honestly don't know how to thank you all for this, it's too much; you've always been very supportive and I do appreciate it a lot! I've received so many reviews in the last chapter and it's crazy and it makes me really happy! Thank you a lot! So, it's time to answer each one of you, as I promised! Uh, first of all, I need to warn you that I'm in a silly mood, so I'll probably say silly things and make some stupid jokes! I'm a dumb human, after all!
Kaylacriss332: I'm glad you like suspense just as I do! Don't worry, this time you won't have a cliffhanger! So you can relax about it! See? I was good girl this time haha.
alicegursk: Are you still alive to read the new chapter? What would Freckles do now? Now you'll find out if she keeps being so silly or not! ;)
Guest: Oh well! You asked me if I've thought about becoming a professional author. Hell no! I always, literally always, sucked at writing! When I was in high school, I always had bad grades when it was about writing, I just can't do it well. I have a huge imagination, but I think I could never write like a professional, for that I'd have to study something like that. Instead, I decided to use my imagination for architecture! Next year I'll become an architect! :) I read a lot in my life, so maybe that helps me a little bit to write my stories, besides the movies and music. You mentioned about having the first time with Darren; well, I'll think about it and if I ever write it, I hope I could make it well as you want and I hope not to disappoint you! Thanks for your words! :)
Jeanette: It is Saturday already! :D You'll get more of this story for a very long time, so I'm so happy to know that you like this story! Hope you never get bored of it!
caarolineboeira1: You really made me smile when you wrote this: "sometimes I walk out of my room in the middle of the chapter cause it's so tense that I have to stop reading for a few minutes to calm down" Geez! Do I really can make that with my writing? It's so crazy but I like it! :) And I do agree with you, Freckles really over thinks things and I do think she needs to think more about herself; haha it's crazy for me to say this because it was me the one who made Freckles to be like that; but there is a reason for that and it's that I want to show how someone can grow and learn new things throughout life. And Mandy? Oh, she's a mystery, a character full of surprises! Thank you, as always, for your words and for telling me which your favorite line was!
LiesMiranda: You're curious about who W is and I'm curious to know who you think W is! haha. About Mandy and Freckles; yes, that was what I wanted to do with them, I've written about the sisters before but I needed to explain more about their relationship and why they weren't so close, with time you'll find more things about them! About the main characters, I know! They can be so silly sometimes, right? I just want to write how a teen could feel sometimes when it's about love, when you feel so shy and insecure because it's a new thing; I don't know if I'm doing it right, but I hope so! And this you wrote: "Though please tell me this talk's going to work out, if not I'll burn up in a furnace of frustration." Oh my god! That made me laugh so hard! Well, you should be preparing the furnace! Or not... I don't know, you'll find it out now!
Sarah: Okay, you wrote this: "You are seriously good with the cliffhangers" Is that a good or bad thing? I hope it's a good one because I love cliffhangers and you'll get a lot of those! Yeah, I know it's hard to tell if Mandy is lying or not. Mandy... well, it's a special character and a little bit weird. With time you'll know what kind of person Mandy actually is! For now, is gonna be a huge mystery!
Gabby: hahaha everybody is talking about my cliffhangers! Was the last one really so bad? As I mentioned to others, yes, Mandy is a mystery for now; for now it's only up to you to think if she lies or not and with time you'll know the real answer! I'm glad you chose that line as your favorite, I kind of liked writing it and I do agree with you, we all should learn it! Sometimes is hard, but it's worth it trying.
Mockingjay-Potterhead-9: You are the guest! I caught you! I laughed when I read that you forgot to sign in to review! And you made me feel very flattered when you wrote that I'm your hero! What kind of super powers do I have? I'm just kidding; silly mode, sorry! Now seriously talking, thank you a lot for your words because it made me smile like a fool, your words touched me! You thanked me for sharing my imagination, but I thank you for giving me a chance and for reading my story! I don't think that what I write is perfect, but I try to do my best and I try to make you enjoy what I write. For me is really nice to know that you like reading this because, I don't know, reading is beautiful and I enjoy writing even though I'm not a professional author or whatever. So, what you wrote only makes me want to write more and more and I do thank you for that, because writing is my way to de-stress of the everyday problems we all have! Thank you, really! Lots of love for you too! :)
Aminyia: Do not worry! The new chapter is up now! Sorry about the cliffhanger and I'm really happy that you seem to be enjoying this story and that you were enthralled! I hope you can feel the same with this new chapter! :)
A: Oh my god! The damn cliffhanger! I know, I know, it was a terrible cliffhanger! Yes, maybe Freckles will think more about herself or maybe not, it's something she has to learn and eventually she will. Now with this chapter you'll find out what happens between Darren and Freckles. Are you ready to read it?
Oh god, that was long, wasn't it? Now, Mandy and Freckles had that talk they never had before but no one knows if she's lying or not; Mandy talked to Darren and encouraged him to talk to Freckles but no one knows if Mandy's intentions are good or bad; and Darren finally decided to go and talk to Freckles. And that's what you missed on Teenage Dream chapter 18! Now, what would happen? Will they talk about it? Will the talk work out or not? Find it out in this new chapter of Teenage Dream! haha alright, I should stop writing, I know. I'll just let you read this new chapter you've been waiting for! Until next Saturday guys! Have a lovely week! Warm fuzzies!
TEENAGE DREAM
Chapter 19
Sweet dreams
When I entered Freckles' room I noticed how my heart was beating absurdly fast, but I was determined to do this. The room was really dark and silent, I could hardly see in the darkness, but I could see her silhouette laying in bed. I remained standing there for a while in silence, looking at her, just trying to calm my nervousness. She seemed to be asleep and I really didn't want to wake her, but I knew that if I didn't have this talk now, I would never have the guts to do this again. It was now or never. Again, I took a deep breath and I walked straight towards her with a stiff and awkward gait, feeling how my legs were trembling due to my nervousness and perhaps eagerness as well. I reached her bed and I stood there, observing her sleeping peacefully. I finally kneeled next to her bed, so that now I could see her face clearer. How could she be so beautiful while sleeping? Nobody was beautiful while sleeping, but she was the exception. I grinned softly, looking at that girl who was driving me crazy in the good sense of the word. It came a point that I forgot all I've planned to tell her, I forgot why I was there, I forgot that we had that uncomfortable situation an hour ago; I just focused on seeing her sleeping with all her beauty that never failed to amaze me. Without thinking and acting by instinct, I fondled her cheek very smoothly, the smile still present on my face; because she had that effect on me, she could make me smile even if she wasn't trying to get it. Suddenly, she cracked her eyes open and her confused and blurred gaze turned to me. Instead of getting nervous because she caught me caressing her cheek, I grinned brightly.
"Hey." I whispered sweetly, still caressing her cheek.
"Hi." She whispered with voice husky with sleep, still with sleepy eyes and frowning slightly, now rubbing her eyes and yawning. Oh dude, that was so freaking cute. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, I was wondering if you'd let me lie down with you, only for tonight." I whispered softly, looking deeply into her big and sleepy eyes, brushing my thumb across her cheek.
"I don't think it'd be proper." She answered avoiding my gaze, covering her body with the quilt.
"Okay, I get it." I answered, grinning sweetly. Somehow, I didn't feel offended or rejected, I was feeling good, because I was near her. And I honestly didn't want to rush things; I wanted to make it good.
"Okay?" She asked, apparently incredulous and surprised. Of course she couldn't understand it, because I've always been that insistent and stubborn guy.
"Yeah, okay." I affirmed and smiled at her fondly, then I sat on the floor as she was looking at me bewildered. "Would you let me sit here just for a while? I can't sleep and Chuck and Jen are still on the beach."
"Yes, you can..." She answered still bewildered. "And why aren't you with them?"
"I don't know." I answered quietly, shrugging. "I guess I wanted to come back home, right where you were." I admitted, because although I didn't want to rush things, I wouldn't lie to her. She seemed to be a bit nervous now, so I tried to change the topic of conversation. "And why did you come back here so early?"
"Oh, because it was getting cold... and I was sleepy. I'm sorry I didn't let you know I was coming back here." She answered now looking into my eyes, she was more relaxed now and she looked so dreamy...
"It's fine, don't worry. Your sister told me." I responded, smiling softly at her.
"My sister? Oh yes, right. I forgot I texted her." Freckles said and then she yawned. "I'm sorry, because of the yawn, I'm sleepy."
"Don't be sorry, it was adorable to see." I answered looking deeply at her. Man, she was so cute; I really wanted to lie down with her and hold her tightly.
"No yawn is adorable, you liar!" She exclaimed giggling softly and I couldn't help laughing along with her, now looking down. Her laughter was very catchy and genuine.
"Yeah, that's true. Let's just say that your yawn isn't as bad as other yawns." I said still laughing softly and then I looked at her again. Her eyes were even brighter; there was a twinkle in her eyes that captivated me. "Oh geez..." I exclaimed dumbfounded, and those words just came out from my mouth without being able to control it.
"What?" She asked suspiciously, uncomfortable. "What? Do I have something on my face? Is it the make-up?"
"No, no, you don't have anything on your face." I laughed when I saw her rubbing her eyes a bit desperate. But she didn't hear me and she kept rubbing her eyes, so I grabbed her hands and took them in mine, to stop her. "You don't have anything, Freckles. I was looking your eyes; I was seeing that twinkle you have whenever you laugh. I was just amazed at it. You don't have anything."
"Oh, okay..." She replied looking away, edgy. "I'm sorry, Darren, but I'm really sleepy."
"Yeah..." I whispered still holding her hands, now tighter. "Just... Let me be here a little more, please."
"I'm sorry, Darren..."
"Please." I said supplicant, kissing one of her hands and I noticed she shivered.
"Fine, but if I suddenly fall asleep..." She started warning and I chuckled joyfully.
"If you fall asleep, I'll understand it and I'll tuck you." I interrupted her, smiling at her.
"Okay, deal." She replied grinning delicately.
"Thank you." I smiled sweetly at her and then I kissed her hands again. "Could you lend me a quilt? I'm kinda cold."
"Oh, Darren. Come here..." Freckles suddenly said, making room for me in the bed as I looked at her raising eyebrows, surprised. No, I didn't say it because I wanted her to let me get into her bed.
"No, with the quilt is fine, really." I said quickly because I didn't want her to misunderstand me.
"Come on, Darren. It's cold, come here. Come on, I'm freezing." She hurried me, patting the bed.
"Are you sure?" I asked gingerly, looking fixedly at her. "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable..."
"Come on, Darren." She insisted and I couldn't help but to smile widely.
"Alright." I said with a bright and vivid smile.
I took off my shoes and my hoodie to get into the bed, right next to her. Once I was next to her, I covered both of us with the quilt and I couldn't help but to snuggle up to her. Of course she shivered at the slight touch of my body against hers, but she didn't move away. Suddenly, I started to feel the warmth and I felt very comfortable and cheery. Dammit, I loved being with her like this. I took the risk to snuggle up to her even closer, and she let me do so. I could keep getting closer... I was going to get closer until she stops me. I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her in my arms very tightly and I felt extremely good, man. And that feeling was nothing compared to when she placed her hands on my chest. Now we were face to face and we were looking into each other's eyes very intensely. I smiled fondly at her and I said nothing, I was just too happy and I was enjoying this moment way too much to ruin it by saying something. And my heart kinda melted when she smiled back at me. I moved closer to her so now our noses were slightly touching while we were still looking into each other's eyes. She wasn't trying to stop me and I was feeling so good because of that. I should try to talk to her, because being like this with her was what I wanted to do every day.
"Freckles... There's something I wanna tell you." I whispered, still lost into her big and deep eyes while my heart started beating fast.
"No, please. Don't ruin this moment." She whispered gently, still looking into my eyes.
"Trust me, the least I want is to ruin this moment." I said grazing my nose with hers. "Do you remember what I told you after we kissed?"
"I do. You told me you love me, and I told you that I love you back." She whispered quietly. She didn't seem to be uncomfortable or nervous because of this situation, she was very calm and she was smiling and looking at me in the eye; this was amazing.
"Yes, exactly. I really meant it, you know? But I don't think you got what I tried to say." I whispered, feeling how my heart was about to explode. "You told me that you love me back because I'm your best friend. Well, you're my best friend too, but... When I said I love you, what I really meant to say is that I'm in love with you, Freckles." I said looking deeply into her eyes as my body was trembling because of the confession recently told. I was expectant to know how Freckles would react this time.
"I know you tried to say that, but I refuse to believe it. We've been drinking alcohol, and we've been distant for a while and I suddenly came here to live in the same house than you, spending a lot of time together. You may think you meant it, but maybe you're just confused because of the sudden change." She whispered quiet, still looking at me. So, did she already know what I tried to say but she played fool? I needed to know what her feelings for me were.
"No Freckles, I'm not confused." I said shaking my head, while still looking at her and wrapping my arms around her waist. It was time to tell her it all. "I want to tell you everything. You have no idea how hard it's for me to tell you this; because I'm scared, I'm scared of losing you after I tell you it all. But I can't keep holding this any longer; I need to tell you and then you're gonna be free to do what you think is right, but not before I confess what I've been feeling for you since a long time ago." I said feeling very nervous but determined. Freckles was silent, just looking at me very intently, as if she was allowing me to say what I wanted to say. "Alright... well..." I started saying with trembling voice, mumbling, feeling an intense pain in the chest. Fuck, I needed to calm down, I couldn't talk.
"Darren, we can talk about this later if you aren't ready yet. It's okay." She whispered, smiling kindly. Oh well, her smile was all I needed to be calm, her smile made me feel sure again. Therefore, I took a deep breath and looked at her straight in the eye.
"No, I'm ready now." I said smiling sweetly at her, now placing a hand on her cheek and the other one still on her waist. "I remember the first time I saw you, at Spanish class. I was very distracted thinking about music and stuff, but suddenly something got my attention; it was you. If it hadn't been thanks to Mr. Rhodes, I'd probably have never seen you because I remember you were very but very shy. That was the first time I saw you, and I looked at you straight in the eye, that was the first time your eyes amazed me. But I gotta admit that in that moment I had that stupid prejudice about you, and it changed when I saw you facing Brian, as no one has done before." I said very thoughtful just because I was remembering it all, it seemed as though it was a long time ago; but I still could remember that moment perfectly. Freckles was just looking at me in silence, listening to me very intently. "And I remember our very awkward first talk, when Brian hit you for the first time; I was a real ass that day, I called you in a derogatory way and I'll always regret it. But I talked to you and since that moment I thought it could be cool to get to know you a bit more." I said smiling softly while she was now looking at me frowning and a bit amused.
"Yeah, that was very awkward. I can't believe you remember that day, I was so ashamed." She said giggling softly and the sound of her laughter made me smile widely. "But, really, Darren? Cool?" She asked frowning amused.
"Yeah, really!" I assured, also smiling amused. "Whatever… Then I saw you for the first time in drama class, when you gave us that awesome performance, even if I knew you weren't acting... You weren't, but you were amazing; I was glad to see you there. It's funny how since that very moment we started talking more often. But I didn't have all these feelings for you yet. At first, I felt pity for you, for all that was happening to you; then I began to have this feeling that you were actually a cool girl; then I don't know how it happened, but in the blink of an eye we became really good friends. I always thought that we had this special and weird connection, as if we didn't really need to spend a lot of time together to be as good friends as we were; it was just there, implicit." I said now looking deeply into Freckles' eyes, still amazed at the special connection we had, it was something intriguing, something that I still couldn't get but I was glad it was there. Freckles, meanwhile, was also looking at me deeply in the eye. Oh, her eyes were so bright and they were shinning in such a way that I felt really weak and infatuated. "With time I got to know you more and more, and every single thing of you was captivating to me. I remember myself thinking: Where have you been all this time? Yeah, I couldn't believe we didn't meet each other before, you were so like me and at the same so different, but I still loved that of you." I said giggling softly and Freckles smiled sweetly in silence. "And then it came a point that I was all the time thinking about you and it scared me. I couldn't get why you were on my mind all the time, I couldn't get why I had this urge to see you all the time; and it scared me as hell the way I was enjoying a lot whenever I was with you, the way I was feeling something in my stomach whenever I held your hand or whenever I was near you. I didn't want to admit that I was actually falling for you, and I was falling hard." I said now with trembling voice because I was thrilled.
This time I wasn't nervous, because somehow Freckles was making me feel comfortable while saying all of this, despite the fact that she was extremely silent. I don't know; it was as though she wasn't uncomfortable with the things I was saying; she was more like surprised and confused, she seemed to be thinking about something but she was listening to me for sure. I held her hands and intertwined my fingers with hers; I looked deeply into her eyes, and I smiled fondly at her; and when she smiled back at me, my heart skipped a beat. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea to be confessing this to her, after all.
"You were my friend and you became my best friend, I couldn't be in love with you. So I denied it for a long time, I tried to convince myself that I wasn't falling for you, but each day to pretend such a thing was getting harder. I loved and I love absolutely everything about you, even when you're upset or when you want to kill me when I do stupid things." I said giggling softly and she chuckled along with me, and her eyes brightened, because her eyes always used to brighten when she laughed and that was amazing. "Then, the night before you had the accident... you asked me how it felt like to be in love, and I told you. When I was telling you that, I realized that I was in fact in love with you, even if I tried to deny it, I knew you weren't only a friend to me. And that night, you don't remember, but that night was the first time we kissed. And I totally loved it; it was like my best kiss ever. When I was kissing you, I felt a lot of things I've never felt before, you made me feel in a way I can barely explain with words. And damn hell, I was so scared for the way I felt when I kissed you; 'cause dammit! You were my friend!" I exclaimed almost exaggeratedly, frowning and smiling faintly.
I began to feel that ticklish on my stomach when I thought about the way I felt when I kissed her for the first time. Whoa man, I had that memory so fresh in my mind that it was unbelievable. How could someone make me feel the same way she did? It was beyond belief. Freckles was just looking at me intensely. And she frowned slightly when suddenly a gloomy sparkle appeared on my eyes: I started to remember what happened after that night, something that turned out to be one of the worst things, for everything. I also needed to tell her this, I needed to tell her it all, like absolutely everything; this seemed to be the right time.
"Since that day I was big damn mess and things got even worse when you lost your memory. I was losing you, Freckles, and I felt so broken when I realized you couldn't remember me; you have no idea. I even began to think that you couldn't remember me because I wasn't important to you and it broke me the way you were ignoring me. I wasn't broken because I was thinking you were a bad person, I always knew you are an extraordinary person, no matter what; I was broken because I was feeling so very helpless without you. It was as if I couldn't be without you because all I wanted was to hear your laughter again, to talk to you, to see you, to just fool around without doing anything but just being together. I needed you, I missed you as hell; it was ridiculous but it was the truth." I said and my voice cracked due to the lump in my throat.
Oh man, it was very sad to remember that moment; it was as though I still couldn't get over it, no matter how hard I tried to forget it and be fine; there was still a scar on me that wouldn't let me get over it. Yeah, I was like super happy because now Freckles remembered me; yeah, I was so glad that we were kinda fine now; but I was still hurt because during the time she didn't remember me, she said very hurtful things to me. I knew that probably she didn't do it intentionally, I knew that I needed to understand her, that she said all those things because in that moment I was like a stranger for her and I kept reminding her things she couldn't remember. But still... I couldn't stop thinking that, perhaps, she once actually thought about me all the hurtful things she told me those times. And I'd stand all the hurtful words if others were the ones to tell me them; but I couldn't stand it from Freckles, because she was Freckles, and it hurt me the thought of that, that the girl I loved thought terrible things about me. I started to feel insecure again, when I remembered the real reasons why telling this to her was even harder. I knew what she was going to do now, because I already knew her way too much; and it wasn't my point, I didn't want her to feel like that... And she did exactly what I thought and didn't want.
"I'm so sorry, Darren. I never meant to make you feel that way; it was something I couldn't control... It never crossed my mind to hurt your feelings, I don't even want it. I never thought I could be that kind of person who hurts people; but I ended up doing it, I ended up being like those people who hurt me in the past and keep hurting me sometimes. I really hate myself for that." She said with choked voice and teary eyes, feeling guilty as I knew she would feel. Damn, I didn't want to make her feel guilty or anything like that.
"Hey, no, Freckles." I said sweetly, looking at her sadly, fondling her soft cheek to reassure her. She cried those tears she was holding back and I wiped her tears away with my thumb. "Don't cry, Freckles, please." I whispered very kindly and I had to contain myself not to kiss her. She buried her head on my chest and my heart started beating faster at the touch, but I focused on the situation we were and the talk we were having; so I only held her in my arms very tightly and reassuringly, stroking her long hair. "Do not ever say that you hate yourself for something that was out of your control, it wasn't your fault at all, and I know it perfectly and I do understand why you did what you did. It's reasonable. And do not ever say that you're like those people, because you aren't. You're not like them; you're an extraordinary person." I whispered in her ear and I gave her a tender kiss on her temple while still holding her in my arms. Whoa, I truly loved being like this with her; I'd just have changed the tears for laughter, and the situation would have been perfect. "If I'm telling you this, it's not because I want you to feel bad or guilty. I'm telling you this because you need to know it all, so you'll fully understand why I feel the way I feel for you. But if you feel guilty, I'll stop telling you this, because that's not my point, I never meant to make you feel guilty, because I know you aren't. Do you want me to stop?" I asked looking deeply into her eyes and she, still with eyes full of tears, shook her head. "But you have to promise me that you will never think that you did things wrong, because what you did was for a reason and a very understandable reason in that particular moment, and believe me when I tell you that I understand you. But promise me that you won't feel bad or then I'll stop, because I'd never forgive myself if I make you feel bad for something that isn't your fault. Actually, I'd never forgive myself if I make you feel bad; no matter if it's for something you did wrong or not. So, promise?"
"I promise." She said this time smiling kindly at me, apparently thankful.
I, of course, smiled back at her and that was when she rested her head on my chest and enfolded her arms around me. Oh fuck, I felt how my body started trembling because of the emotion as well as the pain in the chest grew more intense, inasmuch as it was such the love that I was feeling for her that I could barely breath. She wrapped her arms around me without even asking and it felt great, it took my breath away. I gulped, trying to focus on all I wanted to tell her. She first needed to know everything, so that I had to contain myself; otherwise, I was gonna screw it up.
"Alright... I'll keep telling you, then..." I said running my fingertips through her arms very slowly, while clasping her in my arms. "I couldn't keep lying to myself: I loved you so fucking much and I was losing you; it was exasperating. I remember Jen telling me that I should be patient, that soon you were going to remember everything; but I just couldn't be fine while I was seeing you were growing apart from me, now hanging out with that asshole of Brian. And then everything went to hell... I treated you like crap that day in drama class and I knew I screwed it all, but it was because I was tired of being so hopeless. I remember I didn't want to see you again; of course I was lying to myself again, because I did want to see you, but I couldn't because it was hurting me too much the way you were very distant from me even when we were in the same place. It was killing me, but I couldn't do anything."
I said frowning with sad eyes, because I thought she wasn't looking at me; but when I looked down to see her face, she was resting her chin on my chest, looking fixedly into my eyes with her big and now rueful eyes. I thought about stopping telling her this, because she was feeling bad, I knew it. But then she did something I was certainly not expecting, surprising me again: she caressed my cheek as a way to apologize. And it was a mix of feelings what I felt, it was as though this simple gesture blew my mind away. Goddamn, it felt so good to feel her thumbs caressing my cheek for the very first time. How was I supposed to keep telling her my story? But I needed to do it, to make things right; but before doing it, my hand enclosed around her wrist and I kissed her hand tenderly.
"And then I got that text message from you, asking me if we could meet at the Golden Gate Bridge. I tried not to meet you that day, because I decided I needed to be away from you for a while, but my desire to see you and be near you was stronger. I'm sure you still think you arrived earlier than me that night, but it wasn't like that. I was hiding behind a damn tree, just looking at you on the sly, feeling very scared to walk towards you because I didn't know what was going to happen and I wasn't ready to lose you completely. But when you were about to leave I thought that I'd never forgive myself if I let you go, so I came to you. At first it was an uncomfortable situation, but when you let me hold your hand, a little hope grew in my heart. And that... that gave me all the strength I needed to keep going, to try to improve things between us. Gosh, I missed you so much." I whispered with choked voice, now holding her hands while she was still resting her head on my chest. Freckles' eyes were shinning like never before, I didn't know if it was because she wanted to shed tears or if it was because she was thrilled. The fact was that I began to feel like a pressure in my chest because of the thrill of having her in my arms and because of all the feelings she was making me feel. Before talking again, I took a deep breath. "That same night... I couldn't help kissing you again. Shit, your lips were like a magnet to mine, like I had this need to kiss you, to hold you in my arms, to just cuddle with you. And you remembered everything and I was like the happiest man ever, you remembered me." I said with cracked voice, man I needed to control it, but I couldn't help it, I was feeling like super sensitive while I was remembering everything, while I was trying to tell her how much I loved her. "Thing is I had to come to the point to be about to lose you to finally face my real feelings for you, to accept and face the fact that I was completely and undoubtedly in love with you."
I whispered, now leaning my head to nuzzle my nose with hers; I closed my eyes just to feel this, to feel her more intensely. My body was trembling, not only because of the thrill, but also because I was still scared of how she might react to this confession. But if I was already risking our friendship, I needed to risk it all and tell her why I loved her this much. I was having troubles to speak again because the nervousness was making me babble and I just couldn't talk. She was letting me caress her, hold her in my arms, be just as tender as I wanted to be with her; even though I knew I could do more for her, I didn't want to be carried away with her, not now when I didn't finish saying everything. I slowly opened my eyes to find her looking into my eyes; we had a moment when our eyes met and we couldn't stop staring each other intensely. Looking at her like this was making things harder to me, harder because, damn, I wanted her so badly. She was very silent and she wasn't smiling, but somehow, by the way she was looking at me, I knew it wasn't something bad. I was so close to her... I wanted to kiss her... maybe if I just leaned my head a little more so I could reach her lips... No. No, Darren! Don't screw this; tell her all you feel for her for once and all. Still nuzzling my nose with hers, I placed my hands on her cheeks and I fondled them with my thumbs, tenderly. I smiled fondly at her and when she smiled back at me, I relaxed: my nervousness disappeared and all the feelings for her that I was holding back, suddenly soared. I let my sprit soar right in that moment. It was just me and her, and nothing could be more perfect than this...so, why not tell her everything? Why not risk everything? Maybe it was worth it. Now, it was the moment to explain her why I loved her, what the things that made me fall in love with her were. I took a very long and deep breath and I stared at her, while still fondling her cheeks.
"And yeah, I love everything about you: I love the way you are both physically and personally talking; I love your eyes, your mouth, your hair, the sound of your laughter, the way you play with your fingers whenever you're nervous, the way you blush when something embarrasses you, the way you babble and ramble when you're feeling uncomfortable, the way you always have a smile on your face even when you're having a shitty day, the way your eyes brighten when something you like is happening, I love your humility and your graciousness, your sympathy and your clumsiness, your brightness and intelligence, I love talking to you, I love walking with you holding hands, I love holding you in my arms, I love snuggling up to you, I love tickling you, I love your smell, it's so addictive; I love the way you can tell me stuff with your eyes without uttering a single word, man, I thought such a thing only happened in movies!" I said just as mushy as I was feeling; now laughing loudly as she giggled softly. I looked at her deeply into the eyes, smiling fondly at her due to the way she giggled and the way she was looking at me with that twinkle in her eyes, I've never seen such beauty. Man, I was feeling so mild and maudlin. "And I fucking love your cute freckles." I said smiling brightly, connecting all of her little freckles very slowly, it was like a funny game to play. And I did notice she was looking at me with her brows slightly puckered and an amused grin. When I noticed this, I just looked at her and smiled even more widely. "But mostly, I love the way you make me feel: you make me feel in a way I can't explain, because it's impossible to explain, you can only feel it, it's so weird and so amazing. Look…" I said grabbing softly one of her hands and I placed it right on my heart. I noticed she shivered at my touch and I saw she was looking at me just as fervently as I was looking at her. I couldn't explain it; it was as if our eyes had a special connection. "You make my heart beat fast; no one has that effect on me, only you."
At that time, we stared into one another's eyes very intensely and fervently for a long time. I was totally lost in her eyes and I couldn't help it. I was trying to figure out what she was thinking about all of these I was confessing to her; but I couldn't somehow. At times I was feeling as if she loved me back the same way; but at other times, I was feeling as if she didn't want to hear me saying I was in love with her this way. And it came a moment when she looked away, breaking the eye contact and moving her hand away from my heart. Whoa, what did it mean? I started feeling nervous again, but what could I do? This feeling was real and I couldn't just simply change my feelings. Wow, I've never felt this way before; like having ups and downs while still having the same conversation. So, with trembling voice now, I started saying the last thing that had to be said.
"So yeah, I love you and I love you so much, Freckles. It took me a long time to admit it, but finally here I am, telling you my real feelings for you. I don't know what's going to happen now, I don't even know if you love me the same way I do; I don't even know if you ever had these feelings for me. It took me a long time to decide to come over here and say it all; but I took the risk, because I can't keep hiding this love I feel for you. There's nothing I want more than to be with you; but I would never push you into something you don't want. If you don't feel the same for me, then it's alright and I wish you could forgive me for this I'm feeling that I never expected to feel; and I wish we could still be friends; because, after all, you're still my best friend." I said with cracked voice and then I got closer to her and held both of her hands. She was still looking away, but then she looked into my eyes and that was the moment when I took advantage to rest my forehead on hers. I closed my eyes for a while, just to feel her. Holy shit, I wanted to kiss her, but I respected her, so I didn't do so. I gulped before talking again, now in a whisper, opening my eyes to look at her again. "But if by chance you feel the same than me, I beg you to give me a chance to prove you that I'll do anything for you, to show you that this thing between us can work, I beg you to let me get in. You're all I need, Freckles; and I honestly don't know what I'd do you if you ever miss me, 'cause I can't picture myself without you, not anymore."
When I finished telling her, I looked at her, expecting to hear her saying something, but, instead, an abysmal silence engulfed the room. She was looking at me with eyes wide open and kinda stunned; she was like opening her mouth to say something but nothing really came out from her mouth. I was still resting my forehead on hers, so I could see even the smallest expressions of her face. She was indeed kinda edgy. Man, why wasn't she answering me? I was very eager; I needed to hear some kind of answer. But I decided to control my anxiety and give her time; after all, I knew that probably she never expected me to say something like this, this was like a new thing for her and it was more than obvious that she'd be confused and stunned.
"I don't know what to say." She finally whispered and looked down, moving her face away from mine. Oh crap, that wasn't a good sign. "Oh god, I'm so confused..." She said troubled and then she looked up at me with her big and stunned eyes. "How can you tell me all of this now? I mean... you and my sister... Darren, this is not right." She said with trembling voice and I felt bad, man, so bad. Why couldn't she understand that I didn't love her sister? That what her sister and I had was just more like a fanciful and whimsical thing? After all I recently confessed...
"What about your sister, Freckles?" I asked kinda distressed and a bit tired of hearing her mentioning her sister all the time. "I mean, I know it's your sister and you women kind of have a sort of codes or something... But I just can't get what your sister has to do with this. I already told you that she isn't my girlfriend and she never was; it was just... like a fleeting love affair what I had with her. She never loved me and yeah, I'm not gonna lie, maybe I was interested in your sister, I had a crush on her, but that was before I met you; when you appeared, you turned my world upside down and it's like my life is spinning 'round you now. If you feel something for me, I don't want to think that the reason that stops you from being with me is your sister."
"What are you saying, Darren? She's my sister, it doesn't matter what I feel for you or not; she's my sister and I wouldn't want to hurt her, no matter if she hurt me in the past or not, she's always gonna be my sister." Freckles said frowning, still troubled, and then she sighed. "You know, it comes a point when things, sadly, cannot be as you wished, because there are other people involved. My sister, she does love you and I cannot be with the person my sister loves because it wouldn't be right; because... I wouldn't want it to happen to me, so I won't do it; despite everything. And I cannot be with someone who dated my sister, it's just not right."
"Freckles, please..." I exclaimed anguished, I knew this was going to be hard. Damn the time I dated Mandy. If only I had been the brave enough to admit my feelings for Freckles before, this would never have happened that way. "Your sister doesn't love me and what I felt for her was only a crush, I never felt for her what I feel for you. Don't do this to me, don't use your sister as an excuse because I've already talked to her and she was the one who encouraged me to tell you what I really feel for you, she was the one who told me not to give up so easily and she was the one who advised me to talk to you about this. So, please, tell me it was worth it all I've told you." I said with choked voice, looking at her deeply into her eyes as she was frowning, apparently even more confused.
"What have you talked to my sister? What has she told you?" She asked bewildered.
"She told me she would kick my ass if I hurt you in case I wasn't completely sure I'm in love with you; and she told me that if I was sure I'm in love with you, I should go for you. She told me she would be happy for us and that I should risk everything. And then, she made it clear that she was advising me not because she wanted to help me, but because she was doing this for you. And I honestly don't know what she tried to say when she said she was doing this for you, I couldn't get it, but it doesn't matter, I guess it's something personal... What matters is that your sister encouraged me to do this, so why would she be in love with me if she was telling me to risk everything to be with you? Why would your sister stop you from being with me after this? I don't know what you feel for me, and, as I told you, I don't even know if you want to be with me... But what I know is that your sister isn't an obstacle for us if what you want is to be with me, as I'd want." I said almost exasperated, looking at her anxiously while she had that disturbed look. "Freckles... I really, really love you."
"I'm sorry, but I honestly don't know if I can believe it…" She answered in a whisper, looking down, totally avoiding my gaze.
"Why would you say something like that?" I asked without taking my eyes off her. Well, I was distressed, that wasn't the kind of answer I was expecting to hear.
"Because I'm not the kind of girl guys fall in love with." She answered shyly and very softly, still looking down. I noticed she was blushing now, apparently feeling uncomfortable. Was this her real reason? Man, that seemed like very heartbreaking. How could she think such a thing? How?
"That's the biggest bullshit I've ever heard." I assured loudly and resolutely, staring into her eyes as she looked up at me kinda dumbfounded. As it happened before, we stared at one another for a long time, getting lost into each other's eyes. "If you weren't the kind of girl guys fall in love with, then I wouldn't be here right now, looking at you and thinking how beautiful you are, dying to kiss you and hug you, wanting to walk holding hands with you and take care of you always, wanting to give you everything about me and get everything about you, and dying to tell everybody 'Hey, look, this is my girlfriend'." I said with soft voice and dreamy eyes, looking deeply at her, smiling slightly and fondly, and holding one of her hands. Oh man, how I wanted to call her like that! In the meantime, she was looking at me with bright eyes. "So don't you ever say again that you aren't that kind of girl, because you are. Now tell me the truth, what are you afraid of? Don't you like the idea of being in love?"
"No, I am in love with the idea of being in love. I love the feeling you get when you're around someone you have feelings for, I love how happy it makes me, I love being able to have someone to talk to at all times, having someone make you smile and laugh." She answered shyly but frankly, trying to look at me in the eye, but feeling uncomfortable to do it all the time. Then she looked down and said something else, now in a whisper so I had to get closer to hear clearly what she was saying. "But I'm scared of the idea of being in love too, though. I'm scared of rejection; I'm scared of being hurt, and being brought down." She said still looking down, with sad and apparently ashamed voice.
I stared at her for a while, thinking about how much she has been hurt in the past so that now she couldn't believe that something real and good could be happening to her; I was trying to find the words to let her know all I was feeling. When I found the words, I snuggled up to her even closer, wrapping an arm around her waist and placing my other hand on her cheek, caressing it with my thumb.
"You should know that I will never try to hurt you or bring you down; I'll try to make it right, because that's what I truly want. I want to make it right with you because I love you way too much to screw this. And maybe I'm a little scared too, because I never felt such a thing for someone, and it's always scary when you face and feel new things never felt; but I know that I want to try to figure out what all these new feelings are about, together. So I know it's scary because I'm scared too, but we have each other." I said sweetly, looking at her beautiful bright eyes, trying to let her know that I really meant it. I was still fondling her cheek to focus on anything but kissing her as I really, really wanted. Wow, how come someone could have this effect on me?"So don't think about the things that could come to happen because, after all, we'll never know what's going to happen next, we'll have to figure it out with time. Present is the only certain thing we have, because the future is unknown and the past is just a memory we sometimes tend to distort." I said shrugging and I noticed she was thoughtful. I gulped before talking again, I didn't want to be insistent, but I really needed to know what actually her feelings towards me were, despite all the fears. "So tell me what you feel right now, tell me what you feel whenever you're with me and when you aren't with me, let me know how you felt when I told you my real feelings for you. Those are the things I want to hear you saying now. I told you all these feelings I was hiding which were so hard to tell you; I want you to forget about every prejudice and shit, and I want you to be honest with yourself and with me. So tell me, please, how you feel about me." I said hoarsely, looking very intently at her, the girl I loved. Please, she needed to tell me she was feeling the same than me or I wouldn't know what to do next; I didn't know what I would do with my feelings and my desires to be with her if she didn't feel the same.
"Well, I'm gonna be honest. I don't know how to do this, because I've never talked to someone about my deepest feelings, I don't know how to do this because I've never been in a situation like this; but I'll try my best." Freckles said and her voice was trembling as well as her body.
I was so close to her that I could feel how her heart was beating fast, she was nervous and I noticed it because she started playing with her fingers. I needed to make her feel comfortable somehow. Thus, I began to twiddle a strand of her hair, while I smiled warmly at her. Then I discovered a new thing about her, judging by the expression of pleasure and relax that she had on her face as soon as I started doing it: she really liked when someone was petting her hair; and I loved her soft hair, so it was a good thing. Now she had her eyes closed and she stayed like that for a while, until she opened her eyes again, showing me a pair of dreamy and serene eyes. So then I started running my fingers through the nape of her neck, still twiddling a strand of her hair. She was now smiling softly and relaxed. Nonetheless, before talking again, she took a deep breath and then she sighed.
"You've taught me and showed me many things. You've taught me that I can love, that people can care about me. You showed me the feeling of being in someone's arms when they mean the world to you. The feeling of compassion. So many wonderful things. You've also showed me that people break promises; that people don't always hold true to their word. You've taught me that you can love someone more than anything in the world, yet hate them just as much. That just because someone says something, that doesn't mean it's true. I do thank you for that." She said calmly and with an enchanting voice.
I couldn't stop staring at her and I couldn't stop the feeling on my chest, as if my heart was about to explode because of the nervousness. After all, everything depended on what she was saying now; everything was going to change, for better or worse, after what she had to say. Yeah, I was nervous and excited, and scared and so in love. So many feelings. She paused to look all over my face before speaking again.
"Point is that when I'm with you, I act different. In a good way of course. I smile more and laugh more. I don't have to pretend everything is okay when it's really not. With you, I can drop the fake smile and put on a real one. I don't feel hurt and alone when I'm with you. Instead, I feel safe and loved. You're easy to talk to, and you listen to me. I don't have to worry about holding back with you. I don't feel self-conscious. I don't even feel insecure or sad. You show me that you really do care, and you're not just pretending. I really appreciate your company, because with you I'm different. With you, I'm happy." She voiced profoundly and intimately.
She was looking steadily into my eyes with her eyes sparkling and glinting as never before. And god, her words were so poignant and soulful to me; I was feeling super blithe and thrilled. Man, she was saying she was happy when she was with me, that she smiled more when I was around her. That was what I was wishing all this time to hear from her. This was crazy and so awesome. But then, a dark and gloomy spark appeared in her eyes as she looked down with a sad expression. Oh no, what the hell was that? It was super scary, I knew that something certainly not good was going to come after this and I didn't want it.
"But I can't see us together. Not because I don't feel for you the same you feel for me; not because I don't want to be with you, because… I always wanted to be with you. But I had time to think, you know. And truth is that I don't want to start a new thing with you because… What if we're not meant to be? What if this doesn't work? What then? All we have now will go straight to hell and I love you way too much to lose you because of these stupid feelings I have for you. I'm afraid this could be a huge mistake and I honestly don't know what the right thing to do is." She whispered sadly, not being able to look at me in the eye.
I was now looking at her frowning, trying to get what exactly she was trying to say. Not that I couldn't understand her, but I just couldn't get why she would give up on something before giving it a try, just assuming she wanted to be with me. Why was this too hard? Why telling someone something like this always had to be hard? I knew the answer, though; I knew it was because we were too afraid of losing something truly cherished… But if I took the risk it was because I wasn't afraid of making a mistake, because I knew that if things worked, then it'd be better than what it already was; why couldn't she do the same?
"You over think things. You say, 'What if we're not meant to be?' Well you know what? So what?" I asked raising my eyebrows and shrugging, while she was looking at me surprised because I kinda said it loudly and fervently.
So then I sat cross-legged in bed and she looked at me frowning and confused with parted lips; I only moved closer to her, while she was still lying in bed. I placed both of my hands on her cheeks, so that our eyes met. It was an intense look and our faces were like five inches away.
"Make a mistake with me. Nobody goes through this life and does everything perfectly. We're all going to fail, so you might as well make a mistake with me. Sometimes, we take a chance that has this much at stake and we look back and in hindsight, what seemed wrong looks more like right. So I say worst case, we'll be left with lots of good memories. This chance we have? Well, it's worth it, so make a mistake with me. I'm telling you the right thing to do is to make a mistake with me." I said with wobbly voice due to the intense feeling I had while looking at her so close to me and telling her this. She was like looking at me dumbfounded, still with lips parted. My heart was beating at breakneck speed, man. She mouthed several times trying to say something, but she didn't utter a single word; until she inhaled and exhaled and finally started talking.
"Listen…If you are going to fall in love with me, it's only fair that you know what you are falling in love with. You are falling in love with my insecurities. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my hopes and my dreams, and how I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my distrust and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me. But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I'm with you, the way I'll text you in the mornings just to tell you that I hope you have a great day." She said with trembling voice and bright eyes.
Man, I never heard her saying something more honest than this, it was as if this was hard for her to say, but she was saying it anyway. I was just admiring her beauty and her open-heartedness, the way she put aside all of her fears and showed her true self; I was just like a fool looking at her. Her words... wow, her words gave me hopes, those hopes of being with her that I thought were lost. She was still lying in bed and I was still sitting next to her, still with my hands on her cheeks; but now I rested my forehead on hers and I smiled fondly at her, obviously moved because of her words to me. She didn't try to move away, she did nothing to stop me from doing this; instead, she smiled back at me. Was this even real?
"I kinda love what I'm falling in love with. It's pretty awesome." I whispered so almost in front of her lips, beaming widely, partly in a sweet way and partly in an amused way.
She was smiling at me so very sweetly and such was the intensity of the twinkle in her eyes that it was too hard for me not to pull her into a kiss. Man, we were very close, and we were silent, just smiling and staring at each other in such a way that my world was blown away by her entirely outstanding presence. She wasn't going to do anything, I knew it; she was shy. And I wasn't sure if I should do something or not, I didn't know if I should kiss her as I wanted with all my heart. What if she didn't want it? But... She told me all those things, and now I was thinking that she was feeling almost the same than me, maybe not as much as me; but she had feelings for me, at least that was what I understood, what I wanted to believe. And... What if she wanted a kiss too? I needed to take the risk, worst case I was going to be cursed but then maybe she would forgive me. However, I just wanted to hold onto this moment a little more, I wanted to grasp this perfect moment and squeeze it tighter; I loved whenever our eyes met because it was as though there was something whenever we looked into each other's eyes, something that was so intimate and so precious. I wanted to grasp with me every single thing of her: her bright eyes, her long eyelashes, her sweet smile, her cute freckles, her soft skin; everything. She was so beautiful and this situation was so wondrous. I slowly moved my hands, so that my thumbs were on her cheeks and my fingers on the back of her ears; and I gently brushed my thumbs across her cheeks, while leaning to nuzzle her nose with mine. I was still staring at her eyes, but then my gaze turned to look at her lips; I couldn't help it, her lips were very addictive for me and more when I remembered how it felt to kiss them, I wanted to feel it again. I didn't know for how long I stared at her lips, but it seemed an eternity, because I could even notice what seemed unnoticeable: every single crack of her lips. Oh man, fuck, I needed to kiss her; I couldn't contain myself any longer. But I didn't want it to be a passionate one; I wanted it to be a very tender one, a kiss that would be meaningful to me, and I wanted to make it meaningful to her too. Hence the fact that I dared to do it. I closed my eyes and I pressed my lips against hers, it was more like brushing her lips with mine, very slightly, just to feel the softness of her lips. Then I kissed them slightly but affectionately, taking time to find the perfect position to make them fit perfectly; after that, I parted my lips from hers, but I was still touching them slightly, now savoring their sweet taste. She did nothing to stop me, she did nothing to push me away; so I just kissed her again, this time a little more deep without stop being tender; but those kisses were more like pecks, rubbing my lips back and forth against hers. I repeated this several times until I noticed she was feeling the comfortable enough to deepen the kiss. I pressed my lips against hers again, but this time I tried to unlock her sealed lips, so that I could touch her tongue with mine; and she let me do so. She let me run the tip of my tongue around her lips, she let me circle her tongue with the tip of mine, she let me explore her mouth; I licked the sides, underside and the top, I thrust my tongue in and out, and she echoed back. Not long after, the kiss turned more vivid and passionate. I was breathless, man, this was feeling so very amazing, as I always imagined. This kiss was very different from the others: Her lips tasted just as good as always; but the feeling was different because this time I wasn't scared, this time I wasn't thinking it was wrong; this time both of us were sure we wanted this, there was something new involved now and it was the true and honest love we were feeling for each other, without having to worry of hiding it out of fear; this kiss was like so natural and right. Her lips were so soft that I needed her again. This kiss was so special, so perfect, so right, so true. I felt as though we became one on one, as though we breathed as one, inasmuch as it was that kind of kiss in which you lose yourself in; then I realized that I didn't want to kiss anyone else as the world around me disappeared except me and her. I slowly lay in bed next to her, while still kissing her, so now I was even more comfortable. The kiss was getting deeper and deeper and I was getting carried away way too much. Man, I thought this was impossible, but I felt as if my whole body was like jelly, I was feeling very light, and all the ticklish thing on my stomach... This was too much to handle, but not in bad way, it was more like awesome. How come I never felt this before? I wanted to feel her more, to feel her against me; so I placed a hand on her waist and I softly pulled her closer to me. Now I could feel her heart beating fast against mine, I could feel her fast breathing against me, and I felt how her body was slightly shivering. I couldn't stop kissing her but I needed to stop not to be carried away way too much till the point I would later regret, because I didn't want to turn our first real and practically official kiss into an arousing thing. Because I knew myself and I knew my body, so that I knew that if I didn't stop right there, I wouldn't be able to manage not to go all the way with her, and I didn't want it for now. So, with all my will power, I started softening the kiss until I was only brushing her lips with mine. Slowly, I opened my eyes and I saw she still had her eyes closed, with a facial expression I've never seen before, something that made me smile kindly in front of her lips. She seemed to be happy, and I was overflowing with joy. Yeah, I didn't care if it sounded sappy or whatever, this was like one of the best things that happened to me, she was like... wow, she was everything. She slowly opened her eyes and caught me looking deeply into her eyes; and, instead of feeling nervous or embarrassed as other times, she smiled in front of my lips as well and I felt how my heart melted. That was definitely a good thing. Oh man! Was I dreaming? Was my best friend and the girl I loved smiling because of our kiss? I wanted to tell her how fucking much I loved her, I wanted to tell her that this was all I wanted and needed, I wanted to tell her she was the one for me; but no sound came out from my mouth. Instead, we stared into each other's eyes, smiling fondly at each other; it was a very natural and calm situation, something... magical. I fondled softly her cheek, trying to show her how much this meant to me and she caressed my cheek fondly as well. How wow, that felt so nice; I couldn't remember the last time someone did it to me with such affection.
"Oh man, this feels like a million butterflies being farted out of a unicorn." I said with a soft grin and she giggled before she pecked my lips. Oh man, she did it first than me! She was the one who did it and I felt so excited. I needed to ask her, I needed to do it: I needed to ask her that something I wanted to ask her since a long time ago. My heart started beating fast again, but I spoke anyway. "So... Freckles... Would you like to be my girlfriend?" She looked at me with eyes wide open because of the surprise; and then she looked away nervously. What?
"Darren, please, listen... It's more than obvious that I love you, and I've been loving you secretly since a while now; and trust me when I tell you I always yearned for this moment to happen. But I only imagined it on my mind, I never thought it could actually happen and I still can't believe this is happening; and I'm happy, so happy. " She said now looking deeply into my eyes, with a twinkle in her eyes, grinning slightly, but then the smile faded out and she looked down, distressed. "But... I don't think I'm ready for this yet. Not because I'm not sure of my feelings for you, but because this is a whole new thing for me and I need time, I need to do this slowly. I wish I could do all the things you want as you said, that thing of walking holding hands everywhere, and telling everybody I'm your girlfriend and stuff... But I can't do this all of a sudden, I'm so sorry. But I'm not ready yet." She said now blushing and still avoiding my gaze.
"What do you mean? You don't want to be my girlfriend?" I asked confused and kind of hurt. Why was she saying that? I couldn't get that, not after our kiss and those tokens of love. I really had hopes she was going to be my girlfriend after this and now everything kinda faded away.
"No, it's not like that. I do want to be your girlfriend, damn, I've always wanted it... It's just that I'm not ready to make this public so quickly... And please don't misunderstand me here; it's not because I feel ashamed of you or something..." She said now looking at me again, with teary eyes and still blushing. Then she kinda looked down ashamed and whispered something I couldn't hear; maybe she was just babbling. Then she cleared her throat and whispered something else, and this time I could hear that. "It's because I don't know how it's like to be someone's girlfriend and first I need to figure it out; first I need to feel self-confident about this and put aside all my insecurities, to make it right as I want; because you aren't a random person, you're... you're like everything to me." And her voice cracked when she said this last thing. When she looked up at me, I was looking at her very thrilled. Yeah, she didn't want to be my girlfriend yet and it was kinda sad to me, but what she said was simply wonderful.
"I get it." I said smiling fondly at her, and getting closer to caress her cheek tenderly. She looked at me amazed and more relieved. Then I held both of her hands and I intertwined my fingers with hers. "If you don't want to make it public yet because you aren't ready to make it quick, then I'll patiently wait until you're ready. But I won't stay idly; instead, I'll help you to feel completely sure and self-confident. And I won't stop making you feel all the love I feel for you in the meantime, I won't stop making you fall for me. And I'll do this and everything for you, if you assure me that you want to be my girlfriend. I just need to know if you really want to be called my girlfriend sometime, regardless if it takes days, weeks or even months to make it public; just knowing that sometime you'll want it is enough for me."
"I do want to be called your girlfriend sometime, Darren." She replied with a warm smile directed at me while brushing her thumbs over my hands. Oh man, I loved those things about her, her small but sweet gestures.
"That's all I need to know. Geez, you have no idea how happy you're making me feel; you have no idea how much I wished this, Freckles. I love you, I love you so much." I whispered very close to her, resting my forehead against hers and nuzzling her nose; just a bit unsure to kiss her again considering she wanted to take this slowly.
"I love you too, Dare." She whispered looking at me with a twinkle in her eyes, and then she moved even closer to peck my lips tenderly. Geez, I loved this. Of course I pecked her lips back, several times, smiling while doing this. I loved being able to do this freely, unlike before, when it seemed I was like stealing her some kisses.
"Hmm..." I mumbled in front of her lips, with a big grin on my face. Yeah, I was happy, man. "Do you love me more than that Bobby guy?"
"Bobby?" She suddenly asked in disbelief and laughed out loud, amused. Well, I obviously wasn't getting it.
"What's the funny thing, may I know?" I asked curiously and looking at her a bit suspiciously. I still didn't know anything about that Bobby guy and now that we were going to start something, I really wanted to know who this guy was and what he meant to her.
"Bobby is not a person, Darren." She said looking at me amused, but blushing slightly. What the hell? This couldn't be true.
"What exactly do you mean?" I asked confused and more intrigued.
"Well, yeah... Bobby is not a person..." She said embarrassed, blushing harder. "It's...it's...well, do you remember when I told you what I used to do whenever I was feeling down and I couldn't talk to anybody?" She asked in a whisper and I nodded, quiet. "Well, the... you know, the pillow thing... well, I named it. Don't ask me the reasons because I don't know why I did such a stupid thing... It was a long time ago... Oh gosh, this is embarrassing." She said with wheezy voice and blushing so hard that I couldn't help smiling amused because of her cuteness. When she noticed this, she frowned slightly. "Oh, you may be thinking I'm the stupidest and most ridiculous person in the entire world."
"Not at all." I said still smiling amused and enjoying seeing how she was blushing. That was for sure the cutest thing ever. "I don't think it's stupid, I think I am stupid. You know why? Because I just realized that all this time I was so fucking jealous of a damn pillow, man. I really hated Bobby." I giggled amused because of my silliness. "You have no idea how relieved I am now because I won't have to deal with Bobby just to protect the person I love the most. And... Call me mushy; but I'd love to be that pillow, in which you can blow off steam all you feel within yourself, in which you can lean on. I wish I could replace Bobby any soon." I said all sappy, smiling at her as she smiled widely despite the maudlin thing.
"Would you really do that?" She asked, now running her fingers through my curls. I didn't like so much when people touched my hair, but with her everything was different; I truly loved when she did that.
"Of course I would. Actually, I'd feel like honored, I'd love that." I replied, now petting her hair. "Oh girl, what do you do to me? I think there's not even a single thing I wouldn't do for you. You see, I never felt this way. I do think you're a kind of witch or something like that." I said giggling and she burst out laughing. Her laughter, my god, her stunning laughter. "You got me haunted and the strange thing is that I love that."
"Get used at it, Criss. I totally forgot to warn you that from now on you'll be sort of my experiment for my new potions and witchcrafts." She said mysteriously, raising an eyebrow amused and I grinned widely. That funny and quirky side of her was awesome.
"Is that so? Oh you sneaky devil!" I said laughing and I started tickling her while she was laughing uncontrollably.
That was a laughter I loved, a laughter I'd never forget, a laughter I was going to hear even more often, because she was my girl now. Oh whoa! She was indeed my girl now. That cute, sweet, beautiful, smart, lively, funny and softhearted girl was sort of my girlfriend now. Could it be any better? I didn't think so; she was perfect to me.
"Hey, Freckles... Tomorrow, remind me to show you something..." I whispered in the silent room once we were cuddling on the same bed, about to get some sleep together as I pictured on my mind all the time. This was now real.
"What about?" She asked with sleepy voice, her eyes already shut.
"Surprise." I whispered in front of her lips, while I was snuggled up to her. "Goodnight, baby." I whispered kinda nervous because of the way I called her. How would she take it? It was super weird, but it felt good.
"Sweet dreams, Dare." She whispered and, in the darkness, I could notice a smile on her face. Then I felt something soft and sweet on my lips, she was kissing me. Yeah, I was definitely going to have a really good night and sweet dreams.