Chapter 2: We can make it if we try
Bellatrix gave her brother in law some fire whisky. She knew he was going to need it. They both were. She had never thought they were going to live to see this day. The day she had to bury her baby sister. Sweet Narcissa. Why had it been her? She was never going to know, she was sure. But it shouldn't have been her; she had been good and sweet. She hadn't been like the rest of them. She didn't have a bad bone in her body.
It was all so unfair.
The day of the funeral had come.
Lucius had been up early unable to sleep. He had known he was not going to be able to. Not with all this going on. Not that day.
"Where's my baby?" he asked.
"He is with the wet nurse."
"Well I want him with me, go and send some one to get him. I want him here."
She did as she was asked. It was no good arguing with him that day. There was a determine look in his eyes she did not dare argue with.
"You know you don't have to go through this on your own and you don't have to take the boy -" she said to him. He had to see sense about taking the lad to the funeral. It was no place for a child. And she did not want him there.
"My son has a name so I would be grateful if you would use it." he said firmly.
He had a feeling that Bella was blaming Draco for what had happened to his mother and he was not going to let that happen. He was a baby and it was not his fault. He wasn't going to let him take the blame.
"Fine. You do not have to take Draco to the church with us though. Regulas can stay and look after him."
"No, he is coming with us to church to say goodbye to his mother," Lucius insisted. He needed his son with him. Today of all days. They had to face it together. They were all the family one another had.
Rodolphus was in the end the one who brought in Draco.
Unlike his wife he had quite taken to his nephew. He knew Narcissa had been looking forward to the arrival of her son and now she was gone they had to look after him for her. It was all they could do for her now. Besides not that he would ever admit it out loud, he thought the kid was rather sweet. He was going to be very like his father there was no doubting that. Not that Lucius could ever be described as sweet.
"One Master Malfoy," he said to his best friend as he passed over the baby to his father who received him gratefully.
"Oh yes," he said as he took him from his uncle. Draco had been put in a Slytherin green baby grow which his mother had brought him when she had been shopping one day. He had also been wrapped in a blue baby blanket. He was going to be warm. Not that it was cold out there. It was still mid June after all. Still, he dreaded Draco taking a chill. He was a tiny baby. Kissing his son, he smiled at him in his arms. It was the only place where he was sure that Draco as small as he was safe. And his son was the only comfort he allowed himself.
"Fathers got you." he whispered as his little grey eyes opened.
A week had passed since the birth and he had spent time with him everyday. He had made sure he would spend time with him. That was going to continue, he would make sure of it. They had to get acquainted still he felt. There was so much her didn't know about his son he thought though on the other hand how much can there be to know about a baby?
Bella shook his head. How was it when the brat had been the very thing who had taken Narcissa away from them, that they were still fussing over the baby as if it was a prince. He was a mongrel to her. Nothing more. And to think she had been so happy when she had been told she was going to be an aunt,
"We're ready to go when you are." Regulas announced as he came into the room. It was said gently to the widower who was dressed in his long black robes with his hair tied back. He had made sure he was looked good for the last time he was going to be close to Narcissa. Just as he had on there first date.
"I think me and my son are ready." He said nodding. It was the two of them against the world. And they had to go and say goodbye to her who had given them both so much. It was unthinkable.
Rodolphus and Bellatrix walked behind him and Draco as they walked through the halls of there manor. It felt so cold. So lonely. Like it had when he had been small. He remembered when his mother and his father had been there. They had been good to him but they had hardly been warm. They had never been intimate with him and he had never been able to confide in them. He hoped him and Draco were going to have a very different sort of relationship when he grew up.
WhenNarcissa had come to him she had changed his world. The manor had become a home to him. She had been a home to him, his refuge away from the world. She had been so lovely and precious. Like his sun. He had been alive when he met her but he had only begun to live when she had given him her heart.
Shutting his eyes he wished the world would swallow him and his son up and take them to Narcissa. What were they going to do without her? She was his everything….
Going out side he saw the horse and carriage he had ordered to pull her to the church. It was going to be a quite simple service. He hadn't invited a lot of people to come. He had only wanted it to be family. He didn't need people looking at him and Draco and give them there pity. They needed no pity. He wanted it to be quick and simple. He couldn't take it dragging on and on. That wasn't fair on anyone. She had been too young to die. None of it was right.
"We're going to walk to the village." he said to Bella. He had ordered cars even though he hated the vile muggle things.
He wasn't going to get in one of them. And neither was his son.
He and Draco would follow Narcissa. They would go to the church together. As a family.
It was a sorry sight he thought as they followed the casket. A baby and a young man following her. He was only twenty five. He had his whole life ahead of him. He should not be a widower yet. They had been on the brink of life together.
The walk seemed to go slowly when they were on the way to the church. But by the time they got there, he wanted to carry on walking anything but having to sit through the service. He didn't want to bury her.
It was going to brake what was left off his heart.
The church was an ancient old structure. She had thought the stain glass windows were beautiful. She had said that to him on the day they had got married. She had loved this place. She had planed to Christen their son there. That church held so many good memories. Now it was going to hold bad ones too
He didn't think he was going to be able to Christian his son there now. Not when they had buried her there. Holding on to the baby probably a little bit too tightly, he walked in to the first pew, with his sister and brother in law.
He had asked Rodolphus to do all the readings. He wasn't going to speak to there. He planned to say his goodbyes to her in private. Not in front of the entire world. They had been a private couple when she had been alive and he had no intention of letting that change. He wasn't going to make a spectacle of himself.
Settling his son into his arms he kissed his forehead. He still had something. He had his son, his boy. He had to focus on him.
The burial and the ceremony nearly killed Lucius, he thought later that night. And it had gone on forever. He hadn't been able to stand it.
But nothing had been as bad as when he had been standing by her grave by himself at the end. He had given his son to Regulas by that point as the family had been convinced he had needed time on his own. But then he had been alone and he had been cold. There was no one.
When they had taken the boy it had been as if she had really never existed. It had been as if she was a figment of some long forgotten dream he had had. As if she had been a visiting angel.
All he had been left with was a baby and the dark lord, a load of cash that he didn't want.
She was all he had wanted. She was everything.
But then he had walked away from her. And he had gone home to the wake. And he had eaten something for the first time in days. Then he had started talking to his friends who had come to say goodbye to his wife who had meant so much to them all. Some had doted over Draco.
It was then he realized he was still living and he still had to live. He could not fall apart because there was so much left he had to do.
When everyone was gone though, he felt more at peace than he had done in days. He realized how loved his wife had been and how much she had meant to so many people. He was going to make sure just as many people were going to be there for his son as they were growing up.
"You are going to be my number one for me… for the rest of my life I am going to look out for you," Lucius declared to his son that night as he stood over the child's crib. "There is no son more precious and beloved than you." Leaning over he picked his son up.
He was going to be the only child he was ever going to be blessed with. He had no intention to ever look for a nice new wife. There was going to be no remarriage.
This was it for them.
Lucius decided he was going to take the next three weeks off work. He was going to spend it with his son in the day and then work for the cause at night. Do what ever was necessary for them both. He had a goal in life now. To be a father and to be the Dark Lords most faithful servant.
Placing the baby in the bed next to him he sighed. He knew he should put him in the crib. But Draco was the only one who ever showed him any affection. He needed him.
Lying down next to the baby he sighed. The next twenty years were going to be the hardest of his life.
Narcissa was going to be laughing at the two of them now. Her boys together, laying side by side. Trying to make it work.
They had to.