Teenage Dream

by Lucy Samb

You/ Darren Criss fanfic. The story is about your life with Darren in high school, college and professional life among friendship,love,fights,comings and goings and how you both go through serious stuff such as bullying,suicide,discrimination and life itself. It starts when you meet Darren, a guy of your school in St. Ignatius College Preparatory who never noticed you, a loser.

34. The last verses that I write for her

A/N: Hi beautiful people! How are you all doing? I'm just here, posting a new chapter as I promised! You didn't have to wait so much, did you? I do not have much to say (weird!), only that the roses are red, violets are blue; honey is sweet, but not as sweet as you. Yes, I'm very lazy lately! So I'll just start replying your reviews!

alicegursk: I don't wanna make you cry my awesome wife! Please forgive me! My brain did it all, that sneaky devil brain! Oh, but they will talk! Only that not now. Or maybe yes? For me they're real, they are not fictional characters! Who said they were fictional characters? Who? Okay, I'm silly mode, as you can notice. They are fictional characters, otherwise I'd be jailed because, you know, all that stuff of copyright or whatever. Come What May! Ah! It was so wonderful! I loved their voices and the whole performance, it was just so cute! The only thing I didn't understand was the 'Automa' sign. Why Automa? Well, do you wanna know a curious thing? I always write what you all want or wish. You want Freckles and Darren sing 'Come What May'? Maybe I could do it. I always try to read carefully what you'd wish and write about it; it's like, I don't know, as my way to let you know that I do really care about what you say and to make you feel as 'hey! I helped to write that somehow!'. I do it! So maybe your wish will be granted! Love you and receiving your awesomeness!

MeMi83: Thank you MeMi! I know it's heartbreaking what happens in between, but it's all a process! Freckles wouldn't forgive Darren so easily and Darren wouldn't talk to her so easily because of her attitude. Or maybe yes, I don't know! I do know, actually; because I already wrote it. And I'm very glad that it made you feel glad that I updated earlier! Maybe if I stop being so lazy, I'd be able to update twice a week and you'd be able to read something during the week; but if I keep being like this, it'll be impossible! I'm really lazy lately and I haven't written anything at all! Shame on me! Hopefully the inspiration and time will come magically again!

AnSofiekeeeh: Thank you, An Sofie, for reviewing and for reading this story and all of my stories! I'm super happy to know that you like my silly stories! It's always good to know that there are people out there reading my stories and liking them, despite all the drama I write! I really wish you can keep reading this story, even if you don't review; and I really wish you can still like it! I'll try to not disappoint you but if I ever do it, just kick my ass! You may or may not get cute fluff things! Who am I kidding? You'll get that, but you'll also get angst as always! I cannot help it, I'm a drama queen! I'm pretty sure that something that happened in my childhood affected my brain forever, I'm still trying to find out what it is. Sorry, silly mode!

Kaylacriss332: The response for your question is: Because I'm a cruel devil (in the muggle language) who wants to spread drama and angst all over the world! Sometimes I want them together, sometimes not; in the meantime you'll have to deal with the mess in my mind. Isn't it great? No? I thought so. Actually I have already it all planned, even the end of the ends of this story! But it's a huge process till get there. Forever twisting things and feelings!

amritsoomal: I'm really glad that wasn't all you had to say and also I'm glad to know that nothing can shut you up, because I'm chatty myself so this could work! Freckles is an outrageous, terrible and evil person! But maybe there's something behind of all of this, who knows? Could she have a reason to act in this cruel way? I'll be like Darren right now and I'll say 'I don't know!'. But actually I do know because I've already written about it! Again, I'll be like Darren and I'll say 'Yeah I know, but I ain't telling you a shit, son!'. Okay, enough! I also hate the fact that she's hurting Darren while all that Darren wants is to talk to her. But things will happen! That's why here's another chapter! And Darren is gonna be a happy bunny as you want! Eventually. Option 8 was the best option, so I'm proud of your choice; I could use some bacons right now! Yummy!

MrsDarrenCriss3: Aww thanks for saying that! And you're very welcome, it was just a humble virtual gift! Next year I'll try to get you a Darren Criss, who knows? Maybe I get that. I really hope you could have a totally awesome birthday! Despite the awful chapter that the last one was. Do you really think that Darren won't forget Freckles? You know I have a twisted mind, so the possibilities of that happening are just as much as the possibilities of not happening. One chapter can change everything, or not!

caarolineboeira1: I love whenever you start writing your emotions, as if you were just writing down everything that pops in your mind at the same time you're feeling things, maybe without thinking! It's just too awesome! Darren is very hurt, I think; maybe the best for him is just to forget her and start living his life to be less hurt; or maybe the best for him is to take action. I don't know! About Freckles and Joe; well, remember there's also Joey! Oh! Would something happen between Freckles and any of Darren's friends? I don't know! I'm starting to think that I don't know anything at all. Maybe Freckles doesn't belong to Darren anymore or maybe yes. Be or not to be, that's the question. I should stop. I've already wrote a note to remember your birthday (I have a terrible memory), so that day I'll post a chapter, but the thing is that your birthday is on a Saturday! Maybe it's gonna be another kind of present! I have time to think!

Vcriss: You've created an account on FanFiction! The good thing is that you didn't have to wait so long for a new chapter! Okay, I really haven't thought about writing when Darren auditions for Glee, but I do think that's very interesting! So I may be writing about it, it's a good idea. I always like when you tell your ideas and wishes about what I could write; I always write them on a note so then I could write about it and make you feel as if you're also part of this story, like you are part of that idea that I wrote. Of course if I write about Darren auditioning for Glee I'll mention you as the one who asked me or gave me the idea!

Guest: Yes, it was an unexpected update and now you're getting another update! They'll talk for sure, that's granted. Maybe in this chapter they're gonna talk, or maybe not; maybe in the next one or maybe after 3, 4, or 5 chapters! But they will talk, so don't you worry! About Freckles loving him... Let's see what she feels after or before the talk! I'd really like to give you two chapters a week, but it's kinda hard! If I stop being lazy and inspiration comes to me and I get to write more chapters, I think I'll do it. But for now I think it's almost impossible because it'll come a point in which you'll get a hiatus because I have nothing written! How long do I plan to make this story? Very long. If I had to say an average, I'd say that it'll have 90 chapters, 30 for each part (high school, college, professional life). So yes, most probably I'll spend all year long writing this story! So the happy ending won't come so fast! But you'll get happy parts before the happy ending! I'm a game master! But I do really think that I'm like a terrible boss, I think I could never be the boss of anybody, I'd suck! I'm not a little bit cruel, I'm totally cruel! I know exactly what you all want and I know exactly that it's not Freckles/Joe, neither Freckles/Joey, neither Darren/Kelly. But they are exploring! Ah! The love for fictional characters! Do not wonder it too much, just enjoy it! I also love fictional characters and I always ship them so hard that for me are real! And guess what? I don't regret anything! Sorry I'm not sorry, people! haha.

SamCWMHolmes: You're totally forgiven and in any case you shouldn't apologize and I should cheer you. Ah! Come What May! I completely loved it and trust me, I cried. I couldn't help it, it was very emotional. But why the fuck did it have to be a fantasy? Not fair! I've watched that video! Darren is such a dork asshole! Like, why? Why? See? He's totally awesome and I'm too weird to love dork guys, they're my weak spot. As far as I know you, I could totally picture you warming up like him; making those faces and those sounds. And I'm laughing! Weirdness is like the best thing ever! So don't feel bad if I compare you to him, because actually it's like a compliment if it comes out from my mouth! Screw bullying! I knew you were going to love Joe playing tennis. Imagine him sweating, making sexy faces and sounds while running and being concentrated on winning the game, drinking water and spilling it on his shirt. Are your ovaries gonna explode again? Maybe it's accurate to say 'Boom! Pregnant'. Yes, I'm a sweet devil. And yes! I know! Freckles was truly mean, very cruel and for sure it was unnecessary to have said that. She truly changed; maybe she's not gonna be a nice person now; or maybe she is but now her mind is a mess; or maybe she is just a devil that took over her body, pretending to be the real Freckles. Who knows? I know, but I ain't telling a shit! (quoting Darren). Have you already sent the application? Ah! Oh my wizard God! (fangirling mode) You really have to let me know when you get a response! And wait wait wait, are you applying for the Theatre&Drama program as Darren? I do not have patience, I shouldn't be studying this. Ha! Actually architecture taught me how to be patient and how to sleep only 4 hours a day every fucking day and how to spend the 90% of my life (5 years to be precise) only studying, drawing, investigating, and shit. But I'm in love with architecture. So at the end of this year, if I'm lucky and everything goes well, you'll be able to call me Architect Lucy. Maybe I'll write a book someday, but it'll be about architecture and you'll get bored and think 'this is pure shit!' haha. For now, I'll be here, only on FanFiction writing about Darren. Ah! How can you be so sure that Mia will appear? Maybe you can read my mind. My love for you, my Sherlock!

nicole: Sometimes I love the evolution of technology! And this is the case. They need to get it, come on! And don't worry about Rumbleroar's cubs' ears! We'll totally get him earmuffs and he will love them! I'll definitely prepare a suitcase full of RedVines and starkid stuff, just in case! It'll be like an unforgettable trip! Pigfarts, here I go! I honestly loved Come What May! It was the best of the episode besides Shout and Darren dancing; everything else it was just pointless for me. I loved the performance, I loved the scenery, I loved their voices, I loved the flashbacks, I loved everything! Well, except the fact that it was only a fantasy and the fact that I didn't understand why there was a 'Automat' sign. I like Adam, but I definitely don't want him to be with Kurt. Damn, it's exasperating! I want Klaine, they're the mean reason I watch Glee. You can be sure about Jim! He's just... weird. I won't tell you in which way, but he is weird. You didn't have to wait so much for the next chapter! That's good I think! I liked writing the part of Darren and Julia! And I liked writing how Darren knew everything (almost everything) about Freckles! Like, 'ha! take that, Freckles! I do know you!'.

Well, that was all, guys! I was sleepy while writing the responses, so if you find nonsense things; blame it on my sleepy mode! Now I'll let you read this new chapter and I wish you can enjoy it! Thank you very much for all your support! Warm fuzzies, pink flowers and novelty sized bananas for you all! Until next Saturday!

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Teenage Dream – Chapter 34 – The last verses that I write for her.

---

"What the hell was all of that, buddy?" Joey exclaimed really confused when he came back to our room after playing tennis. I was about to answer 'nothing' but he interrupted me. "And do not tell me that it was nothing because I won't believe that shit. What the hell is going here, Darren?"

"Calm your tits, Joey." I said covering my face with the pillow. Yeah, I was already in bed because I really wanted to start a new day and forget about the shit that happened hours ago. "I'm trying to sleep."

"Fuck that, you won't sleep until you explain me what the hell happened out there." He said bossy, taking my pillow and throwing it away.

"Geez! I didn't know you were my crazy, obsessive, distrustful and overprotective girlfriend, Joey!" I exclaimed in disbelief, looking at him with eyes wide open. "At least you could kiss me if you're gonna get all bitchy on me."

"Yeah, I'll kiss your ass if you want; but now tell me everything, Darren." Joey said serious. Whoa! I've never seen him like this. "I thought we were buddies, man."

"What the fuck, Joey? We're buddies. What is wrong with you? Why are you being like this?" I asked looking at him confused. He really wasn't like this.

"I'm being like this because I saw that shit that happened out there and I know that there's something that you aren't saying. And I really thought that we were buddies, but man, it seems it's not like that, otherwise you'd have told me the hell is happening." He said kind of mad and kind of disappointed of me.

"What?" I exclaimed in disbelief. "Man, what are you saying? What do you want me to tell you, eh? Noth..."

"Do not say nothing, Criss!" He warned, looking at me fixedly and pointing me.

"Alright, alright! There's something I haven't told you, yeah..." I said looking away, frowning.

"I knew it!" He exclaimed loudly, and almost victoriously.

"Yeah... And if I haven't told you yet, it was because it's a long story and not because you're not my buddy." I explained.

"I have time to hear that story." He said sitting on the floor, right next to my bed.

"Not now, I'm really trying to sleep, Joey." I complained.

"Tell me now, Darren." He said kinda bossy.

"Fine... You want to know?"

"I thought it was obvious, dude."

"Good, then..." I said getting up as he was looking at me like 'what the hell are you doing?' "First of all, you have to see something..." I said while I walked right to my closet and pulled out the box that I found days ago. "Here, open it." I said handing him the box.

"What is this?" He asked confused and suspiciously.

"You wanted to know what was going on. Well, just open it and see everything that's in there." I said insistent, sitting on my bed again.

Well, finally Joey opened it and started pulling out all the things that were inside. I was just looking at him in silence and he looked at me several times, frowning as if he wanted some kind of explanation, but I didn't say anything at all; I just let him seeing it all quiet. I let him see and read all the notes and letters that Freckles sent me; I let him see all the stupid material things I had that were meaningful to me because reminded me to Freckles; and I let him see all the few pictures I had with Freckles. When he saw the picture I had with Freckles, that picture of us when I sang her for the first time the song I wrote for her, 'the coolest girl'; I looked at that picture with him. I truly loved that picture because it always could bring me good memories, but this time I couldn't feel good. I just looked down while Joey looked at me astonished, showing me that picture.

"Is this Freckles?" He asked very confused.

"Yeah, that's her." I answered.

"Geez man, she looks different now." He exclaimed very low.

"Yeah, she does." I agreed. Hell yeah, she looked different. She was skinnier, she had very short hair now, she was wearing a different type of clothes now, and she was used to wear make-up now.

"Why do you have a picture like this with her, man? You said you were only acquaintances. Wipe my ass; this doesn't look like only a fellow's relationship." Joey exclaimed loudly, very confused, looking at the picture.

"That's because she wasn't only my fellow." I answered quietly and he looked at me abruptly.

"Then what the hell were you?" He asked suspiciously.

"She was my best friend." I answered honestly, looking at him. "And she was my first and only real love. Yeah, she was my girlfriend."

"What the fuck buddy?" He asked really amazed and stunned, looking fixedly at me and I only shrugged. Then he looked away, frowning. "Why the hell haven't you told me anything about this?"

"I think I wasn't ready yet." I answered sighing; now looking at the picture again. "What we had... It was the best I've ever had and since her, I couldn't love anyone else. But things between us didn't go well, and I still couldn't deal with the fact we weren't together anymore; I refused to believe it. I couldn't just tell you this because I was trying to be fine and I didn't want to remember why we weren't together anymore. That is why I haven't told you anything. Sorry."

"Darren, what the fuck? Oh damn, man! All this time I was asking you to help me to get her and you... Shit, man." Joey exclaimed kind of terrified.

"It's alright, man. It's not your fault; you didn't know that she is... she was my girlfriend. It's alright." I said looking away.

"Oh man, now I understand it all. Now I get why the first time you saw her you were like stunned... Now I get why you were acting weird, why you wanted to be wherever she was, why you acted weird with her and why she acted weird with you... Now I get that shit game of questions and answers you played hours ago. Oh damn shit." He exclaimed still stunned, but also kind of thoughtful. "Was she your first, dude?"

"I... No, she wasn't. My first was Kelly." I answered frowning and looking down, now feeling kind of embarrassed.

"Kelly? Really? Oh shit... Man! Now I get it!" He exclaimed loudly and almost as hyper as if he has found something new. "Now I get why she asked you in a cold way if you knew who her first was! Now I get why you then ended up in a bad way! Man, what the hell."

"Yeah..." I answered bitterly, looking away.

"Buddy, do you still love her or something?" He asked intrigued, he was very curious and exalted.

"I... Well... Well, when I first saw her here, yeah; I was still in love with her. I never stopped loving her, that's why I couldn't have a serious love affair with anybody... But... But it's different now..." I answered very uncomfortable and not sure about anything. Joey was looking at me frowning as if he wasn't understanding anything at all, so I sighed. "I think you should know everything that happened between Freckles and I, so maybe you could understand. Just promise me that you won't tell anybody, man."

"Yeah, yeah, I promise." He answered very eager.

Just as I told Julia, I told everything to Joey. He wouldn't stop looking at me aghast and perplexed and he would say some comments or questions; but he listened to me intently. I still wasn't sure if I should have told him everything or not; but I did it because this was going to be the end of a stage to start a new one.

"Fuck, dude." He exclaimed once I told him every single thing about me and Freckles and how we didn't see each other for a year. "And now what?"

"Now what, what?" I asked kind of confused.

"What are you gonna do with her?" He asked.

"Nothing." I answered, looking away.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"And how do you feel, then?"

"Well, half of life is fucking up; the other half is dealing with it." I exclaimed laughing bitterly.

"Whoa, so positive… So very Darren Criss." He said ironically. Yes, I was never like this.

"Yeah, meet my dark side." I said laughing softly. I really wanted to get in a better mood.

"It's kind of scary, I must say." Joey said raising an eyebrow. "Now would you tell me what you really feel for her?"

"No... I'll let you read it..." I said, pulling out a crumpled paper that I had in my pocket, handing it to him. "I wrote it... just when I came back here hours ago."

"What is this?" He asked, grabbing the paper.

"Just read it, Joey." I said roundly. And he read it loudly.

"I can write the saddest lines tonight.

Write, for instance: 'The night is starry

and shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest lines tonight.

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this I held her in my arms.

I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.

How to not have loved her big still eyes?

I can write the saddest lines tonight.

To think that I don't have her. Feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.

And the verse falls to the soul like dew on the grass.

Does it matter that my love couldn't keep her?

The night is shattered and she is not with me.

That's it. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.

My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her closer, my eyes search her.

My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.

We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, true, but how I loved her.

My voice searched the wind to touch her hearing.

Someone else. She would belong to someone else. As before my kisses.

Her voice, her bright body. Her endless eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but maybe I love her.

Love is so short, and forgetting is so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,

my soul is lost without her.

Though this might be the last pain she causes me,

and these the last verses that I write for her."

"Whoa! I didn't know you were a poet, Darren." He exclaimed impressed as soon as he finished reading what I wrote.

"I'm totally not... I don't know, those words just came out. Like it was something I had the need to do." I answered sincerely.

"You know, this is really sad, man. I don't know... It's something actually nice, but sad..." Joey said awkwardly. I knew he was kind of speechless, he didn't know what to say.

"Yeah, well. The point is that... well..." I started stammering like an idiot, because I didn't know how to explain how I was really feeling. I took a deep breath before talking again. "Well, truth is that I feel almost happy, almost cheerful as someone who gets tired of being sad." I admitted looking down and biting my lower lip. "I don't know any more if I'm sad to joyful vocation, or vice versa. What I do know is that there is always some sadness in my happiest moments, like there's always a little joy in my worst days." I said shrugging while Joey was looking at me fixedly in silence. "And, you know, no matter what I do, I always have this sense of being... I don't know, incomplete? Like I'm looking for something and no matter how many changes and adjustments I make, I never quite get there. Once in a while I'll have a minute or two where I don't feel that way. But most of the time, I feel a little bit empty. Not like I'm depressed or something, just..." I started saying very awkwardly, because it was being hard to find the words.

"Searching... But you never get there." Joey finished the sentence for me, when he noticed I didn't know how to say it.

"No, I never do. It's frustrating." I said frowning and kind of annoyed with myself.

"That's because we think at some point we'll be able to stop working at life. As long as we think that, we're always going to feel incomplete. The secret is to make peace with the fact that you'll always feel incomplete." Joey said and I looked at him amazed. Since when could he say things like that? Joey was the kind of guy who was always joking, so this was weird to hear from him.

"Well, yeah, I don't wanna feel like that." I said looking away. "Damn, Joey. I just can't feel like that and it's kind of exasperating to try to think about something else when she keeps popping in mind all the fucking time. It is maddening the fact that I still feel something for her and she doesn't want to see me or to talk to me. It's kind of exasperating the fact that she thinks I left her because she didn't want to have sex with me, when the truth is that I fucking love her and I always did. I'm desperate, man."

"You know, Darren? The biggest mistake you can make is to succumb to despair, all other errors can be repaired, this one not. So, first of all, you should calm down." Joey said looking at me very serious and I looked at him agape, frowning. "Now tell me, without even thinking, why you still love her, even if she has changed. Tell me now, without thinking."

"Well, because she's a mess of gorgeous and chaos, and you can see it in her eyes." I said without thinking, just as Joey said.

"I see... And what do you want right now?"

"I just want to forget her, Joey. I need to forget her." I said gloomy, looking down.

"If there's something that doesn't exist is the forgotten." Joey said and I looked at him kind of thunderstruck.

"Oh geez, thanks, bro, for your very supportive words." I exclaimed sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm your friend, man. Friends are supposed to tell the ugly truth." Joey said shrugging and I looked at him frowning, kind of annoyed. Women were meeker to tell the truth. "Why would you want to forget her, Darren? That girl is important to you, so why would you forget her?"

"Because we aren't the same, Joey. Because I can't be here like an idiot, waiting for her to notice me while she is nice to others but me. I can't be like that, feeling bad all the time, man. I don't want it." I said. "Listen, Joey; I've tried several times in these days to get her back and it didn't work. The time to get her back has ended."

"Why is it that things have a time? What if you attempt to wait it just to happen, despite everything? Sometimes, twisting time is twisting things around. Flowing is the key. Or a break before returning to blink." Joey said and I looked at him very confused.

"I really don't get what you try to say, man." I said still very confused.

"Doesn't matter; someday you'll understand it." Joey said, shaking his head. "The point is that if you still feel something for her; whatever that feeling is, if deep inside it's a positive feeling, then you shouldn't try to push her away; you shouldn't force yourself to forget her while you have a great chance right in front of your nose, that is the chance you have to talk to her again as you have been waiting for a year. Hey, it's pretty cool what it's happening to you right now." Joey exclaimed with a smile and I looked at him frowning in disbelief and discontent.

"Yeah, so very pretty cool bro. We act as strangers, so cool." I said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

"It is. Damn, you have a chance to get to know her again, to find new things about a girl who you like, to find those things that make her happy and make her laugh and share it again; you have a chance to try to get to be friends with her, to fall in love with her again. To recreate with her over again all those memories you have and even to make it better, not making the same mistakes as before." Joey said speaking really fast and I was slightly frowning, trying to get all he was saying. "But you have to be willing to start from the beginning. And that's very cool; because it's like if you have to do things for the first time. And there is nothing more exciting than doing something for the first time. That is so cool, bro. You have a damn good chance and if you force yourself to be away from her, you're gonna miss that chance and that would be so stupid. Not so often we have chances like that." Joey said shrugging and now I was looking at him kind of surprised and thoughtful. "So, you can either keep feeling pity for yourself for what is happening and keep feeling how terrible and miserable things are like an idiot or you can make something fucking good with this chance you have now. It's all up to you, buddy."

"Never thought about it..." I whispered, thoughtful. He was totally right.

"You're welcome, stupid." Joey said with a slight smile, but I didn't answer anything, I was very thoughtful. He amazed me. "Well, now you know my point of view of this so I can sleep in peace." Joey said now standing up and taking off his shirt to go to his bed. "Thanks for telling me, asshole."

"Yeah... Thanks for advising me..." I whispered still thoughtful as I lay down in bed.

And I began to think... What if I really take this as an opportunity and not as a washout? Maybe Joey was right, maybe it could be exciting to know her again. Yeah, I didn't know her anymore so I couldn't still be in love with her; but maybe I could be friends with her again. And what if I end up liking this new Freckles more than the Freckles of high school? She was a mystery for me right now. And damn, I loved mystery.

---

"Hey, Freckles. Could you lend me this book? I liked the title." Meredith said next morning, after the night you went out to play tennis.

"Which one?" You asked looking at Meredith while still looking for your black purse.

"This one, The Country Doctor." Meredith said holding the book.

"Ugh, Kafka. I do not recommend you it; it is awesome, but it is very hard and complicated to read Kafka, because his works are really incomprehensibly complex, bizarre, and illogical and the surreal storylines are presented with total absurdity and nonsense, with inconsistencies within the novel, such as disparities in timing in addition to other discontinuities in narration. You'll have to re-read it if you want to understand it." You explained quickly as Meredith was looking at you frowning.

"How do you know so much about books and shit like that?" She asked kind of stunned. "You're very cultured and enlightened. I feel kind of intimidated."

"What?" You asked laughing softly. "That's absurd. I know about it because I like reading, which doesn't make me an enlightened person." You said still giggling softly as you searched for a book. "I strongly recommend you this one: To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. The prose can be winding and hard to follow, but it's a really good book. The novel recalls childhood emotions and highlights adult relationships, many themes are those of loss, subjectivity, and the problem of perception; so it's a cool one." You said handing the book to Meredith.

"Okay, I'll read it, maybe this way I'll be just as awesome and smart as you are." She said with a smile, grabbing the book and you shook your head amused. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Yeah, I'll hang out with my friend who's also studying here, remember I told you?" You asked while still searching for your black purse.

"Oh yeah, I remember. I'd like to meet him sometime, you know you're free to invite him here if you want, I don't mind." Meredith said flipping through the first few pages of the book.

"Yes, I know. If you want I can ask him if he wants to have lunch with the two of us, so you'll finally meet him." You answered, now a bit annoyed because you couldn't find that purse.

"Yes, I'd like that. But hey... Don't you have class now?" She asked curious.

"Oh yes, I have. But whatever! I'll take a free day..." You said curtly because you didn't want to be specific about this; you didn't want to explain why you were taking a free day.

"Hmm, I should do the same. On Fridays I'm so lazy... I'd like just to chill out here, reading this book." Meredith said, sitting on a chair. "Gosh, that sounded so nerdy!"

"Yeah, don't worry about trying to sound cool with me; I'm a nerd myself." You answered shrugging and laughing and then you huffed. "Have you seen my black purse?"

"You have a lot of black purses." Meredith pointed. Yes, she was right.

"That one... with red strap." You answered.

"Oh yeah, it's in the closet, next to your collection of awesome shoes." Meredith said, now reading the book.

"Yes, here it is thanks." You said, now putting your phone, your wallet and your red lipstick on it. "Well, I gotta go, Meredith. See you on lunch, then?"

"Yes, totally. Let's meet at The Blue Apple around noon." Meredith said and she looked up at you, finally paying attention. "Oh dear dead god! You look fantastic!" She exclaimed loudly with eyes wide open.

"Do you really think so?" You asked unsure, looking at yourself in the mirror. "I'm not sure about this dress... Don't do I look kind of ridiculous?"

"Hell no, you look like one of those women of the 50s with your short hair, red lips and that sexy dress. Oh girl, you could be the new Marilyn Monroe!" She exclaimed still amazed and you laughed out loud.

"Please, Marilyn Monroe was a major sex symbol with her provocative curves, her extraordinary beauty and her splendid charisma. I don't think I could be ever like her, not even in a thousand year." You answered laughing, but truth was that Meredith made you feel flattered and bit more confident.

"Let's see what guys will think when they see you passing by. You'll kill everybody, you'll see." Meredith said nodding enthusiastically. "Why do you look so wonderful, anyway?" She asked suspiciously and intrigued, with an amused smile. "Do you like your friend so you want to seduce him?"

"No, not at all. He's only my best friend and I was never interested on him for stupid love affairs or something; and he also sees me as his best friend. It'd be kinda disturbing to have something else than friendship with him." You explained frowning, amused.

"So why do you look so beautiful then?" She asked intrigued.

"I don't know. I guess I wanted to look beautiful today. You surely also have those moments sometimes, every girl has." You answered shrugging and smiling.

"Well, if I had all your clothes and your beauty; yes, sure I'd want to look splendid all the time and show the world how beautiful I am." Meredith answered in all seriousness, nodding.

"Oh well..." You said shyly and feeling flattered. "You know? You can wear my clothes if you want, I really don't mind."

"I'd love that because your clothes are simply awesome, I don't know where you get those. But I'd never look well on them, and besides, your clothes won't fit on me. For that I have to lose weight first." Meredith said looking at you, frowning.

"What? You're very thin. I'm sure my clothes will fit on you and I even think that my clothes will be loose on you." You answered frowning.

"What? Are you insane? How... Oh boy, how on earth can you think that? Have you looked yourself in a mirror? You're super skinny." Meredith exclaimed kind of astonished.

"Yeah, whatever..." You answered looking away, uncomfortable. "Well, I really gotta go now. See you later, Meredith!"

You left your room and walked to The Blue Apple, where you were going to meet Brian. Meredith was right, everybody was looking at you while you were walking, not only men, women also. But you didn't think you were killing him; instead you were feeling kind of uncomfortable because you couldn't tell why they were looking at you in a not sly way. Anyway, you kept walking, trying to feel confident and pretty, and not ridiculous and awkward. When you arrived at The Blue Apple, Brian still wasn't there; so you sat on a table alone.

"Would this sexy lady let me sit with her?" A random and very good-looking guy with olive skin tone and light brown hair asked, looking fixedly at you. More than you, he was staring your boobs.

"Sorry, I'm waiting for someone." You replied, looking away and feeling shy.

"Come on, give me a chance. I'd do anything for you, I swear." The boy exclaimed, still staring your boobs.

"My eyes are up here." You pointed kind of harsh, because it was annoying you.

"Yeah, sorry. It's just that you... Damn, you're sexy as hell." The boy exclaimed.

"Oh well, such a confidence to say it while I still don't know your name and you don't know mine." You said raising an eyebrow and looking away. You really didn't like when guys objectified you.

"I'm so sorry, I'm never like this; it's just that you caught my attention because I'm not used to see pretty girls like you here. I'm very sorry." He said apologetically, finally looking into your eyes. You finally could see his eyes. Oh goddamn, he had dazzling ice blue eyes, very captivating and contrasting with his olive skin tone. You quickly looked away. "I'm Noah."

"Nice to meet you, Noah." You answered curtly.

"It's my pleasure. Won't you tell me your name?" He asked with a soft smile.

"I don't think so..." You answered curtly. Oh geez, you just wanted him to go away.

"Oh, I get it... I guess that my presence is not welcome to you." The boy said and you looked at him, he was looking down but then he looked at you and smiled. His teeth were perfect and so white. That guy surely was a model or something. "I'm sorry for bothering you, lady." He said as a gentleman, still smiling charmingly. "I hope you can forgive my imprudence."

"Hey, dude. What are you doing?" Brian suddenly asked and you looked at him surprised. You didn't see him coming. The boy, Noah, looked at Brian kind of intimidated. Oh yes, you've forgotten that Brian actually looked intimidating, with his very well-toned body and his tallness.

"Nothing, I was just talking..." The boy answered kind of nervous.

"That's right, Brian. He was just talking..." You said because the poor guy was freaking out.

"You better..." Brian said looking fixedly at the guy and Noah nodded.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around. It was nice to meet you." The guy said smiling charmingly at you and he gave you something... A chocolate? Really? "A sweet to another sweet." He said kind of flirty, in a whisper so Brian wasn't able to hear, and then he left.

"Oh my god!" You exclaimed laughing, looking at Brian. "You scared the crap out of him, Brian!" You exclaimed amused and Brian giggled softly.

"I've been told I have that ability." He answered also amused, now being the same nice Brian you knew. "Who was that guy?" Brian asked intrigued while sitting on the chair with two coffees, handing one to you.

"I have no idea; he just came here and started talking." You replied shrugging.

"Well, why doesn't it surprise me?" Brian asked amused and you looked at him frowning.

"What do you mean with that?" You asked suspiciously.

"Nothing... Just that you have that ability to attract men." Brian answered amused. "And more if you dress like that. You look beautiful today, by the way."

"Thank you, Brian. I hope that your 'and more if you dress like that' is a compliment and not an indirect to tell me I look like a slut or something." You said giggling, shaking your head.

"Why would you look like a slut? You just look amazing with those clothes, it's very glamorous. Do you look like this for a specific reason?" He asked intrigued, taking a sip of his coffee.

"No reason, I just wanted to look pretty." You replied shrugging, also taking a sip of your non-fat coffee.

"Well, you always look pretty but today you look splendid. So don't be surprised if any other guy comes here to ask your phone number." Brian said laughing and you shook your head. "So, how have you been?"

"Oh, pretty well..." You answered taking another sip of coffee, looking away.

"That is a sign that actually you aren't pretty well..." Brian said looking fixedly at you.

"What? That's absurd. Why would you think that?" You asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I know when you're lying, pretending everything is fine when actually something else is happening. I know you, Sunny." He said with a 'ha!' smile.

"Every day I hate you more." You answered, shaking your head.

"I know you don't." He replied with an amused smile. "Does this have something to do with Darren?"

"Bingo!" You exclaimed loudly and exaggeratedly, laughing then to try to make it as a joke.

"I see, I see... What happened? Have you seen him again?" Brian asked intrigued.

"You know, when it's about me and Darren, somehow, when you ask if I've seen him again; see seems to be a lame word." You replied.

"I'm assuming that what you try to say it's that you haven't only seen him. Do I have to assume that you talked to him and slept with him again?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, well, no... I talked to him, yes; but I haven't slept with him since that time. I told you that it was an exception when I slept with him!" You said trying to defend yourself. "I've just talked and played a stupid game..."

"Again with alcohol?" Brian asked serious.

"No, not with alcohol. I played tennis and then... Then a questions and answers game; only Darren and I played that game while his friends were just looking at us." You explained looking away.

"Questions and answers game? Do you have any idea how dangerous that kind of game can be? And more when you have a secret." Brian exclaimed.

"Well yeah, now I know." You said sighing.

"I can tell that you aren't pretty well because of that game; something went bad. Am I wrong?" He asked looking fixedly into your eyes.

"No, you're right." You sighed.

"Has he done or said something inappropriate?" Brian asked.

"No, actually... Actually it was kind of my fault." You said looking down, playing with your fingers.

"How come?" He asked frowning in confusion.

"Well, I'll tell you what happened since the beginning. I was just fooling around with my roommate and her friends; I was talking to a very sexy friend of her called Joe, but it's pointless to mention him now because this what happened has nothing to do with him, just wanted to let you know that he is sexy and funny..." You started explaining, rambling like an idiot.

"Relax, Sunny." Brian said raising his eyebrows as he let out a soft giggle.

"Okay, yes." You said huffing and then you took a deep breathe. "We were talking about random things, and then Darren appeared... Well, everybody greeted him; seems that all of my roommate's friends are friends of Darren too. Yeah, I had no idea that Darren was coming, so it took me by surprise. I feel so bad for what I'm gonna say, but I really didn't want to greet him. Yeah..." You said looking down, feeling as a bad person.

"Why? I thought you were prepared to see him again." Brian said looking at you deeply into your eyes.

"I was prepared, but it still hurt." You answered gloomy, looking down.

"Why did it hurt?" He asked as if he was your psychologist and you huffed.

"Why are you asking me things?" You asked kind of annoyed and Brian looked at you with eyes wide open, stunned. Shit, you didn't know what was wrong with you; lately you've been very grumpy. "I'm sorry, Brian. I didn't want..."

"I know, don't worry." Brian said smiling kindly. "If you want I can just shut my mouth and listen."

"No, it's fine if you wanna ask something. It's not you, it's me; I've been kind of a bitch lately, so sorry." You apologized.

"It's alright, I understand." He said kindly. "Really."

"Thanks. Well, I'll answer you... It hurt because, you know, I still feel weird when he's around." You answered honestly, looking down. "I want to act in a polite way with him, but I just can't. Is too weird that he's there, trying to talk to me... I just can't talk to him as before. He tried to talk to me about random things; he was being friendly, you know? But I wasn't feeling comfortable with him, so I cut him off. It hurt; I'm not like that."

"Why weren't you feeling comfortable with him?"

"Isn't it obvious, Brian? I can't talk to him politely, pretending as if nothing ever happened between us, it's weird..."

"I thought you didn't feel anything for him. As far as I know, you forgot him and all that happened."

"I really don't feel anything for him. But, you know? Nothing is as I thought it'd be. Yeah, I thought that I forgot everything that happened between us. But every time I see him, I immediately remember what he has done and I can't avoid it. So that is why I can't be nice to him; and I try, but I constantly fail." You said sighing.

"I see, and that is the only reason you are feeling bad." Brian said, not as a statement but as a question.

"No..." You answered looking away, trying to avoid his gaze. "It was about the game, remember?"

"Yeah... The questions and answers game. Why have you decided to play that game with Darren?"

"Because I'm stupid, I guess." You answered shrugging and laughing bitterly. "I honestly can't remember exactly why we started playing it. I said something stupid like 'Darren doesn't know me pretty well.'" You said mocking yourself in a derogatory way, as emphasizing how stupid you were. "I should have known that it was a stupid thing to say, because right away Darren challenged me to prove him wrong, telling me that he did know me pretty well. And I, like the biggest idiot in the universe, accepted the challenge." You said frowning and feeling upset with yourself.

"I see... What happened then?"

"Well, I started asking him some questions, innocent questions such as my favorite color, food, places, movie... Stupid things like that. Of course he answered everything perfectly. After a damn fucking year, he still knew everything about me; he didn't forget anything." You said annoyed.

"Is that something bad?"

"Of course it is. Brian, we were nothing... Well, we were something but it was all a lie. We are strangers now, but he knows almost everything about me. I was feeling very irritated, so very irritated." You admitted. "And I don't know... I acted... I acted like a real bitch; you wouldn't have recognized me in that moment Brian. I acted like a really bad person."

"What have you done?" He asked intrigued.

"I needed to ask something he couldn't answer; I felt the need to make him feel bad. I know, it sounds terrible, I don't know why I wanted to make him feel that way. I'm not a bad person, I swear I'm not... But, in that moment... I was." You said feeling really bad now.

"I know you're not a bad person. What have you done to say that?" He asked even more intrigued.

"I asked him to answer me who my first was. In a very bitchy way and intending to be cruel and hurting him." You answered anguished, looking down.

"Ouch..." Brian exclaimed as letting you know that you screwed it. Damn. "And what did he answer?"

"At first he didn't answer, he only looked at me... Damn, he looked at me very sadly. You should have seen him; he was hurt, just as I wanted in that moment." You said anguished, feeling like a hideous person. "Then... Then he answered that he didn't know and he congratulated me for proving him wrong. And to make things worse, I said that he didn't know me, that he only knew what I used to be. Everybody was there, looking at us; and I was a bitch anyway. And then... Well, then he said something like sometimes you have to know someone really well to realize you were actually strangers." You said sighing, looking down, still feeling distressed.

"Gee, kinda intense..." Brian whispered, frowning. You knew he didn't know what to say to not make you feel worse than you were already feeling.

"I'm a bad person, right?" You asked now looking at him distressed.

"No, you're not. You were just feeling bad... I won't say that you said the right thing, because, you actually kinda screwed it... But everybody says things like that while feeling upset or bad..." He said kind of uncomfortable.

"You know?" You said in a whisper. "I always shudder when I realize how easy it is to act wrong with people, how easy it is to stay with a negligible part of them and confuse the part with the whole."

"What do you mean?" He asked confused. "Sunny, please, tell me exactly what you feel for him now; in all honesty."

"Well... Though at the end we weren't a great love story, although we were just a flash in the pan and everything was a lie; just two people in their teens, laughing and bullshitting, we were something." You answered shrugging and feeling something weird in your chest, something that you haven't felt in a while. Then you started remembering all the memories that were still in your mind and you were trying hard to forget; and, without even being able to control it, you smiled slightly. "I can remember the way he sounds, the way his hair felt, and the way he made coffee in the mornings when the sun melted through the window. I can still hear his laugh, still taste the strawberries we got at the market, so juicy and ripe they almost fell apart in your hands. It's all still here." You said still smiling slightly, but then you looked down, frowning and feeling a distress in your heart. "But even with such visceral memories, he doesn't exist to me anymore." You said gloomy and then you sighed. "He will go on, get married, have children, and soon our relationship will be fifty years behind him. But I wonder, what happens to these moments that we shared together? Am I a different person for having watched it rain from his fire escape, for surprising him at 3 AM, for sharing my favorite TV show with him? These stupid, mundane moments with people like him often seem to be the ones that haunt me the most." You answered very honest, still looking down.

You were feeling something odd in your chest; as if finally you were realizing all the things that were now just a distant memory; something almost unreal. You were noticing how all of those good moments you ever had, were just now something... wasted and threshed.

"I think you should talk to him about what happened." Brian said slowly, looking fixedly into your eyes with his green eyes.

"Yes, I think the same. I should talk to him to apologize. And I should talk to him not to be together again, because that is not what I want and because I don't feel the same love I felt for him once. But I should talk to him about what happened, to forgive and be forgiven; to try, at least, to have a moderately good relationship with him, because inevitably I'll see him often." You said thoughtfully, coming to your senses.

"What if he wants to get you back as his girlfriend?" Brian asked roundly, looking at you curiously.

"First of all, he never considered me as a real girlfriend. But in case he wants it, I'll made him clear that I'm not interested on him and that it won't happen. And I promise to say it in a civilized way and not like a bitch." You replied, looking at him while nodding.

"And if he wants to be your friend and not just someone with whom he gets along?" Brian asked again, roundly.

"Well, I don't know. I guess I wouldn't mind if after the talk everything ends in a good way. But he can't be my friend so easily, because we are like strangers now. With this, I'm not trying to say that I'd do everything to avoid being his friend. If it comes to happen, well, it'll happen. If not, well, that's okay." You answered shrugging.

"Are you sure you can do that?" Brian asked frowning, a bit concerned.

"Yeah... Why wouldn't I?" You asked suspiciously.

"Maybe because you still feel something for him."

"What? You know I don't feel anything for him more than the memories I have. I've changed, I'm different now. If I'm different and he's different, how could I still feel something for him?" You asked incredulous.

"I don't know, I was just making sure; considering how you acted the last time you saw him... You feel something; I'm not saying that you're still in love with him and I'm not even trying to say that you feel something good for him; but you feel something indeed, something like... rancor, maybe; for something that never could be spoken. And once you talk to him... It could change everything." Brian said raising his eyebrows.

"Yes, maybe it could change everything. But the pain I felt when he dumped me in that way? That's not gonna change. I don't wanna feel rancor for him, but I won't forget it either. So... I don't see why this could be a problem. I'm more than sure that I don't want to be with him again, not more than as friends. And... Hell, I'm at college and there are a lot of cool guys! Maybe I could meet someone, who knows?" You said with an amused smile.

"Yes, like that guy who gave you a chocolate?" Brian asked amused and you laughed.

"Yes, like that guy. He was cute..." You joked and Brian laughed softly, shaking his head. "Do you think I could like him?"

"Oh well, I don't think so…" Brian said amused and you frowned. "I'm sure about it. You should have seen the way he was looking at you." Brian laughed and so did you.

"Talking about guys and shit... I invited my roommate to have lunch with us; so you'll meet her and she'll meet you. You don't mind, right?" You asked.

"Of course not. I'd like to know the girl who's living with my best friend."

"Oh, I think you'll like her. She's very funny and nice... And she's pretty." You said winking, with an amused smile.

"I don't like the way you're looking at me, Sunny!" Brian exclaimed amused and you laughed.

"Oh come on, Brian! You gotta find a girl! She's a good option, trust me." You said persuasively.

"Well, it turns out that I don't wanna be with anybody... I'm fine by myself, I'm busy with other stuff, I do not have time for a girlfriend or something." Brian answered kind of uncomfortable.

"Why? Why do you never want to give it a try? I can't get why you refuse all the time meeting a girl. And that excuse of 'I'm busy with other stuff' is very lame, just so you know." You said looking fixedly at him, raising an eyebrow.

"I just don't want, okay?" Brian said sighing; now looking away and you looked at him frowning in silence.

"Are you gay?" You asked suspiciously, looking deeply into his eyes.

"What?" He asked loudly in disbelief, looking at you frowning. "Oh my god, no I'm not. Just because I don't wanna be in a relationship with a girl, doesn't mean that I'm gay."

"Oh, too bad. I really want to have a gay friend." You said in a whisper, shaking your head while looking down. Then you looked up at him again. "I don't know... But I've never seen you with a girl... Maybe you're gay but you still don't know that you are; or maybe you don't want to admit it..."

"I'm not gay." Brian interrupted you harshly.

"And what? You never liked a girl." You assumed, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, I did. The fact that I haven't said anything, doesn't mean that I never liked a girl, you know." Brian said looking deeply into your eyes.

"And why haven't you told me? I always tell you my personal stuff; I always talk to you about Darren and Ian, and even the guy who recently was here. I always told you everything about my love life; why wouldn't you tell me anything? Is that you don't trust me?" You asked suspiciously.

"No, it's not that." He replied frowning, looking down. Apparently he was nervous, or uncomfortable or annoyed; you weren't sure. "You feel good when you talk about it; well, I don't. I don't feel comfortable telling that kind of stuff."

"But... It's me, Brian." You said looking into his green eyes, now feeling a bit sad. He never told you anything at all.

"Yeah, I know it's you." He said in a whisper, looking deeply into your eyes. He looked at you in silence for a long time, until he looked away. "Whatever, let's not talk about it, shall we?"

"Okay..." You answered frowning slightly, feeling a bit confused and bit sad. You were still thinking that he didn't trust you or maybe... "Is that because I'm all the time talking about myself and I never let you telling me something about you?" You asked kind of distressed when you realized that he never could tell you anything because you always talked about yourself.

"Not at all." Brian answered frowning as if you were saying a stupid thing. "Why would you think that? Geez! You need to stop overthinking things. It's because I didn't want to talk about it. Simple as that."

"Who's the girl you liked, may I know?" You asked intrigued.

"I really, but really, don't wanna talk about it. Not because I don't trust you, but because I don't want to talk about it now. Maybe someday I'll tell you, but not now." Brian said roundly.

"Fine." You answered sighing.

"Thanks." Brian said smiling slightly and you smiled faintly back at him.

"Freckles!" You heard a woman's voice yelling.

Both you and Brian looked at her abruptly. It was Meredith. And she was with Darren. Seriously? What the fuck? You looked at them astonished by the surprise of seeing Darren with her, like why would Darren be with her? Why? Why would she bring Darren with her? Why would Darren come after the bad dispute you had and the way he left? This had no sense at all. But both Meredith and Darren were walking towards you and Brian, both of them smiling. Meredith seemed to be very excited while Darren was just smiling slightly. Damn. You looked at Brian surreptitiously; he was looking at you fixedly, raising an eyebrow and completely confused. You only shrugged and then you looked at Darren and Meredith again. Gosh, you started feeling nervous now. You really didn't want to be with Darren, at least not before you could talk to him and you couldn't do it now. You looked down because you didn't know what to do once they arrived where you were. How the fuck should you act?

"Act naturally, as if nothing bad has happened. Be nice, be polite, and be kind. No matter what happens now, you're a well-mannered girl; so do not get mad, do not yell, do not treat anybody in a bad way. Behave." You repeated in your mind all the time while Meredith and Darren were coming closer.

"Hi Freckles!" Meredith greeted you with a hug, smiling cheerfully.

Then she looked at Brian from head to toe, with a wide smile. Brian also looked at her from head to toe, smiling kindly. Then Brian stood up and stretched out his hand to Meredith, still smiling. You looked at him frowning and amused; Brian? Acting in a very polite way?

"Hi, I'm Brian." He said smiling kindly as Meredith also stretched out her hand. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"Yes, it's nice to meet you too. I'm Meredith." Meredith said with a bright smile. "Freckles has told me a lot about you."

"Freckles?" Brian asked pretending to be curious; but he knew pretty well why she called you Freckles, so he asked that on purpose.

"Yes, Freckles. It's the way we call her; don't you call her like that too?" Meredith asked confused but a bit amused.

"No, no." Brian said chuckling softly while shaking his head. "I think that's the way that only Darren and his friends used to call her."

"Do you also know Darren?" Meredith asked curiously, now looking at Darren in confusion.

"Yeah, we know each other already." Darren replied with a slight smile.

You looked fixedly at him, serious; but he wasn't looking at you. He still didn't look at you. How would Darren act with Brian? How would Brian act with Darren? They never got along. You were afraid that this could end up in a bad way. But Darren stretched out his hand and so did Brian.

"Hi, man. It's cool to see you around." Darren greeted politely.

"Yeah, same. It's been a while." Brian said just as politely. What?

"Were you friends, guys?" Meredith asked curious.

"No, we weren't." Brian answered shrugging.

"That's right. But I owe him a lot." Darren said looking at Brian and Brian raised his eyebrows in surprise. "He helped me out in a crucial moment."

"Yeah, well, that was long time ago. You don't owe me anything at all, Criss." Brian answered kind of uncomfortable.

"I do, I didn't forget it, Clerk. And call me Darren. We're not in high school anymore. Let bygones be bygones." Darren said laughing softly.

"Yeah, well, you call me Brian then." Brian answered friendly.

What the fuck was this? Why were they talking... like that? Both Meredith and you were looking at them confused. Meredith confused because she couldn't get this; and you confused because this wasn't normal. Then Darren looked at you and he smiled slightly.

"Hi, Freckles." He greeted politely in the distance.

"Hi, Darren." You greeted shyly. You weren't feeling comfortable at all.

"You look gorgeous today." He said again, politely, in the distance.

"Thanks." You replied shyly, looking down.

"Gorgeous? She looks sexy! She totally looks like Marilyn Monroe!" Meredith exclaimed loudly and you blushed, still looking down; while Darren just giggled softly, not saying anything at all.

"Oh geez! That's right! I knew she was looking like someone, didn't realize it was like Marilyn Monroe!" Brian suddenly exclaimed and Meredith looked at him amused; Darren looked at him frowning and you just looked at him in an 'I'll kill you' way.

"Darren, don't you think so too?" Meredith asked kind of excited, looking at him and Darren just raised his eyebrows and giggled nervously, but he didn't answer anything. "Darren? Answer!"

"Umm..." Darren started muttering, looking away while putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"Okay, it was enough..." You whispered shyly, still looking down; trying to save Darren of answering that question that seemed to be uncomfortable to him, because he surely was thinking that you didn't look like her and didn't know how to say it.

"Okay, don't get mad, Sunny!" Brian exclaimed and Meredith looked at him frowning in an amused way while Darren looked at him, frowning in confusion.

"Sunny?" Meredith asked intrigued.

"Yes, that's the way I call her because there was a day she was dressed up only with yellow clothes and all... Long story." Brian said laughing and you felt even more uncomfortable. Geez, you didn't like this but you reminded to yourself that you should act naturally. "Come on, guys. Let's sit and have something for lunch. Darren, are you also staying? Because she only mentioned about Meredith..." Brian pointed and you felt kind of ashamed.

"Well, umm, yeah..." Darren said frowning, looking away. He was uncomfortable.

"Yes, I invited him, sorry. It's just that I was coming here and Darren and I were in the same class; he also needed to have lunch, so I invited him. Sorry, I hope you don't mind." Meredith said now also feeling a bit uncomfortable, when she noticed everybody's faces.

"No, it's alright. Right, Sunny?" Brian asked looking at you fixedly. Damn, why the hell was he doing it? He knew this was awkward for you; he wasn't helping at all.

"Yes, it's fine." You answered curtly.

So then Brian sat next to you, Meredith in front of him and Darren in front of you. Well, thankfully he didn't sit next to you; but you didn't know what you preferred, because this way you were going to look at him all the time. Darren was the last one who sat, and when he did it, he accidentally stepped on your foot. Geez, it hurt, so you frowned and made a face of pain.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! It wasn't my intention, I'm sorry!" He quickly apologized.

"It's okay, don't worry." You replied with a faint smile, still feeling pain, though.

"What happened?" Brian asked intrigued.

"Nothing, just nothing." You answered shortly.

"As the most awkward and clumsy person, I just stepped on her foot. Stupid ass." Darren exclaimed annoyed with himself.

"You dumb." Meredith said frowning.

"I know, fuck." Darren said, still annoyed.

"It's okay, can we leave it behind?" You finally asked, kind of exasperated. Oh no, you were starting to lose control already and that wasn't good.

"Yeah, sorry." Darren said looking down. You knew it, now this was going to be an uncomfortable silent situation.

"So how was your class?" You asked as if trying to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Oh it was pretty cool, we were at..." Meredith started explaining.

But you didn't listen anymore because, accidentally, Darren touched your knees with his. He didn't notice, because he was looking at Meredith and he was also commenting things of what happened in their class. You tried to move your knees, but there was no much room; so inevitably your knees were going to touch. Why he wasn't noticing this if you could notice it? Maybe you were paying too much attention at insignificant things; so you tried to forget about it.

"Freckles?" Darren asked and you finally realized that you weren't listening anything at all.

"Eh? Sorry, I wasn't listening." You said frowning slightly and feeling like an idiot.

"Yeah, I figured!" He laughed and you smiled faintly. "I was asking what you want to eat because I'm gonna go there to order the food now."

"Oh, um, for drinking I want... A diet Snapple. And for eating, broccoli raisin salad." You answered and Darren kept looking at you. Why was he looking at you that way?

"Okay. Broccoli raisin salad with what?" He asked. "I recommend you a roast beef and cheddar sandwich, that's delicious."

"No. Just the salad." You answered firmly, smiling politely. Darren kept looking fixedly at you, serious, raising an eyebrow. You didn't like that way he was looking at you.

"You can't eat only a salad." He said serious.

"Why not?" You asked frowning. "I'm fine with the salad, I don't want anything else."

"Okay... And for dessert? Maybe a chocolate cake?" He asked.

"Oh no!" You refused strongly, frowning. No way that you could eat that. "Just a fresh fruit, maybe an apricot."

"Are you vegan now?" He asked curiously, frowning and you giggled.

"No, I'm not. I just want to eat something healthy now." You answered shrugging.

"Yeah, but healthy is if you eat the salad with something else..." Darren said raising an eyebrow.

"Well, whatever. I just want the salad, the fresh fruit and a diet Snapple." You replied firmly, sighing.

"Okay, fine." Darren answered, now looking away. "Brian, what do you want?"

"Italian meatball sandwich on club roll with a coke. And for dessert, turtle cookies." Brian answered.

"Good choice, man." Darren said smiling. "Alright, I'll buy the food. Be right back." Darren said standing up.

"Hey, wait! I have to give you the money. And I'll pay also Sunny's food." Brian said pulling out his wallet.

"Oh no, no, no!" Darren said quickly, moving his hands and shaking his head. "I pay."

"No, man. Just wait... How much is it?" Brian asked.

"No, really, dude; don't worry, I pay." Darren said firmly and you looked at him surprised.

"But really..."

"Hey, just stop with that shit. Consider this as my invitation for the encounter." Darren said quickly and Brian looked at him amazed and then he nodded. "Be right back, guys."

"I'll go with you, Darren; so I'll help you with the trays." Meredith said, also standing up.

And so Darren and Meredith walked away to order the food. You stayed silent until you were sure they were far enough; so then you looked at Brian kind of altered.

"I can't believe he's here! Ugh!" You exclaimed a bit annoyed.

"Why are you so moody about it?" Brian asked frowning.

"Are you serious?" You asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, I'm serious. I don't know why you make of this a big drama, honestly, no offense. The guy was friendly all the time, he didn't say or do anything provocative." Brian answered, shrugging.

"You gotta be kidding me, Brian. You don't even like him." You said incredulous.

"Hey, correction. I didn't like him in high school because, I don't know, he was very snooty and irritating. But it seems he has changed, for better. I don't know, he was just cool and amicable. I think you can't see it because you're still resented with him and you cannot see anything good of him; and I'm not blaming you. I'm just being objective while you're being subjective and it's understandable." Brian answered softly.

"I can't believe it..." You huffed, raising an eyebrow and shaking your head. "I don't know why you're acting with him as if you were friends or something. And could you please stop asking uncomfortable things and stop making me feel embarrassed? Ugh." You huffed in annoyance.

"Hey, calm down, Sunny." Brian adverted serious, looking at you fixedly. "You should be enjoying this lunch instead complaining about everything; you don't get anything by being annoyed. And for the record, I'm not acting with him as if we were friends or shit like that. I'm just trying to be friendly, because it could be cool to get along with your roommate and her friend that came to happen to be Darren; just that."

"What is wrong with you, Brian?" You asked upset.

"Nothing is wrong with me; I think that something is wrong with you." He said roundly and you felt really upset now. "You always tell me that you're prepared for this shit, but all you get is to be moody whenever he's around. You should stop doing it, because he's being nice to you and I can notice that he wants to get along with you. What I think is that he regrets what he did and he's trying to apologize but he cannot do it while you're still cutting him off and you're not giving him a chance to do it."

"Are you trying to say that I'm the bad person here and Darren is the good one?" You asked suspiciously.

"No, I'm not saying that. I'm only trying to make you see that maybe you're overreacting with your actions and that maybe you should stop thinking all the time how he used to be to start seeing how he is now; and you should stop thinking all the time what he did, so you could allow him to be nice to you. He rejected you in the past; so do not reject him now, because you didn't like the feeling when he did it and I'm sure you wouldn't like anybody to feel the same way you did, because I know you aren't a bad person." Brian said softly and you looked down. He had a point, but you just couldn't stop thinking about it all.

"Alright, I'll try to be nice and friendly..." You answered, still looking down.

"I know you will. Just... just enjoy this and remember who you are now. You're a funny, cheerful, nice, kind, friendly, wonderful and positive girl now. Do not let this to change who you are." Brian said kindly but also a bit nervous. "And open up yourself. Those walls you created between you and people? That's the worst thing you can do. You know? Not everybody wants to hurt you all the time; and if you think about it all the time, then you'll miss amazing things and you'll miss the chance to meet people who can become good friends."

"Yes, you're right. The impact I had when I met Darren again unbalanced me and it was starting to make me act and be in a different way than the way I truly am. That's right; I should act as myself, even with Darren. After all, it's like... Darren is like... A stranger, right? Yeah, I should act with him as if I were just talking to a new random person that I met in college. Yeah." You said trying to convince yourself. "And I'm nice and open when I'm with a stranger... Why wouldn't I be like this with Darren, huh?"

"Yeah... well, something like that. Just, be yourself." Brian said smiling warmly.

"Will do." You said smiling brightly.

"And keep smiling like that, please." He said and you frowned amused.

"Okay." You giggled and he smiled kindly. "And what do you think about my roommate, huh? She's pretty, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she's pretty and nice." Brian answered, smiling faintly. "But I do know which the intention of this question was… And no. She's pretty and nice, but nothing is gonna happen, you know?"

"Why not? Give her a chance!" You tried to say convincingly.

"No, Sunny, no. I'd like to get along with her because she seems to be cool; but I don't want anything with anybody. She's not my type." Brian replied firmly.

"And what is your type? What kind of girls do you like?" You asked curiously.

"Well..." Brian started answering kind of uncomfortable. "The kind of girls who are funny, nice, humble, friendly and that inspire cheerfulness and kindness." He said looking at you and then he looked away.

"Meredith is like that." You answered with a bright smile. "Maybe you could hang out with her another time and give a chance to know her better. And besides, I think she likes you." You said winking.

"Yeah, maybe." Brian said sighing and you noticed he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Alright, guys! Here's the food!" Darren suddenly exclaimed cheerful, giving you your tray and keeping one for him as Meredith gave one to Brian and kept one for her. Well, it was time to act nice to Darren as you promised.

"Thank you!" You exclaimed happily and Darren looked at you abruptly, frowning, but then he smiled. "I was really hungry!"

"Yeah? Well, if you change your mind about the food... You can take some of mine if you want; I think I ordered food for two." Darren said chuckling, looking at his tray. Indeed, he ordered for himself a lot of food.

"I don't think I'll change my mind, but thank you anyway." You answered with a friendly smile and again, Darren looked at you frowning as if he was stunned, but he smiled back at you.

"You're welcome." He answered, sitting again; this time looking under the table to not step on your foot. "Well, thanks to the wizard god this time I didn't do something awkward."

"Yeah, I was starting to think that you wanted to steal my role of the clumsiest person, and I wouldn't like it, you know?" You joked and Darren's face brightened with a widely smile as he laughed.

"Yeah, well, don't count your chickens before they have hatched! Maybe I could end up spilling my soda on your clothes, accidentally." He said continuing with the joke and you giggled. "As far as I know, we both are clumsy. Man, the world should be scared of us being in the same place! We can cause disasters to the humanity!"

"Oh hell yeah!" You exclaimed while laughing.

Well, maybe after all, it wasn't so bad to talk to Darren again... He was funny. Somehow, he also has changed. You still didn't know if for better or not; but for sure he was more hilarious, playful and sassy; and he for sure radiated joyfulness, a catchy joyfulness. You all kept talking for a long time, even when you finished eating you kept talking; about random things. You were afraid to admit it, but it was being one of the best days you had since you started college. Yes, you haven't laughed so much since you started college. It was also incredible how Darren and Brian were getting along, talking about football and other things. Like... Brian and Darren? Really? They were always like enemies and now this. It was funny the twists of life... Who would think that Darren and Brian were going to get along and Darren and you were going to have a weird, distant, indefinite relationship?

"Hey guys, we're going to downtown to visit the WSG Gallery. Do you wanna join us?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, that would be a good idea. There's an exhibition of several artists and you will find an extravaganza of media and styles. I think it's a cool exhibition and you may like it." You added with a bright smile.

"Oh yeah, I'd like to go there. It could be cool to do something new." Meredith answered cheerfully.

"Great!" You exclaimed joyfully. "And what about you, Darren?" You asked looking at him with a friendly smile.

"I'd like to go... But unfortunately I've arranged to meet someone now." Darren replied.

"Oh..." You answered in a whisper, feeling... disappointed?

Why the hell would you feel disappointed? And why the hell were you very intrigued to know with who he was going to meet? Why the hell did you want to know if he was going to meet a girl? And why the hell were you now wondering if he had a girlfriend? Damn, you weren't supposed to feel like that. None of that was your business.

"Maybe another time." Darren answered shrugging and smiling faintly.

"Yeah, yeah. Maybe another time." You answered quickly, trying to not make obvious that you were feeling as weird as that.

"Cool. Well guys, it was a good lunch. But right now I have to go; otherwise I'll be late for my date." He said laughing and you felt something you shouldn't feel: jealousy.

Were you jealous? Really? Well, for sure you weren't feeling jealous because you wanted to be the girl with whom he was going to have a date. But you were feeling jealous because he was with somebody and he surely was the way he used to be with you with that girl; and you still couldn't find someone. Actually, jealousy wasn't the proper word. But you didn't know how to call it and jealousy was the most similar feeling. A date. He was going to have a damn date. Darren stood up and grabbed his personal stuff.

"Okay guys, see you around. Have a blast in the gallery." Darren greeted with a nice smile.

"Yeah, we will. You have a good time with the girl." You said with a forced smile.

Then you realized the stupid thing you said but it was too late to regret. Darren was now looking at you frowning, as if he was confused and thinking about something. And Brian looked down and bit his lower lip as he was shaking his head, like saying 'I can't believe you just said something as stupid as that; you screwed it when finally everything was going well.' And you tried your best to play dumb.

"Yeah... Thanks." Darren answered still looking at you that way, now smiling kind of amused. Could he be making fun of you? Could he be thinking how stupid you were?

You wouldn't know, because he left right away. He left the dining hall to go on a date with some girl. Good.

---

"Oh man, I can't believe we fell asleep. They're gonna kill us. Oh fuck! Ten missed calls." I exclaimed still sleepy, but getting up really abruptly on this Saturday morning. "Dude, I'm not used to wake up so early on a Saturday morning, this should be a crime."

"Dammit, Darren! Stop complaining and get dressed, we don't have time! Where the fuck is my bag?" Joey asked, apparently also edgy because we fell asleep and we were really late.

"Oh, holy shit! I knew I should have prepared my bag last night!" I exclaimed annoyed when I realized I still didn't have my bag with all the stuff I needed because last night I was feeling lazy.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Darren? Don't you have your bag yet? Oh damn." Joey exclaimed in disbelief.

"Well, I never planned to fall asleep." I replied kind of annoyed, rubbing my eyes. "It won't take me so long; it's just a bag with some clothes and shit."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You do it now. I'll look for my bag..." Joey said leaving the bedroom.

So there I was, looking for some clothes to put in my bag, two hours later than it should have been. Surely the guys would be really mad at us because they really wanted us to be punctual. But why the hell did we have to go there so early on a Saturday morning? It just had no sense. Now it was 10am and we were supposed to be in downtown at 8am. I knew it was a moderately long trip to Munising; it was 322 miles so it was going to take us about 6 hours to arrive there; but still. I grabbed some clothes and coats and I put it all in my bag; I also put a flashlight, some blankets and towel, a pocket knife, an insect repellent and sun block, my deodorant and toothbrush, a sleeping bag and all the shit you need to bring to camp. While doing all of this, I was thinking about Freckles and the lunch we had together the day before. I gotta admit that when Meredith proposed me to join them for lunch, at first I didn't like the idea so much, considering the way Freckles and I ended up that night after that stupid game of questions and answers. But then I remembered the plan I had, or actually what I wanted to do, that it was to try to talk to her and just be friendly, to get to know her again as starting over; so that lunch could be a good excuse. Meredith told me that Freckles was with a friend of her, but I never expected that the friend could be Brian. Yeah, I was surprised and I didn't like so much seeing him. Anyway, I tried to be nice to him and forget all the bad things he has done in high school and I only tried to remember the way he helped me out with Freckles the last time. The point is that during the lunch I realized that Brian wasn't a bad guy, maybe he also changed as Freckles did. It was cool to talk to him, and it was cool to talk to Freckles. Freckles, who looked so damn gorgeous and sexy; I really had to make a big effort not to tell her all of those things, because I didn't want her to think that I was a fucknut's stalker. Well, at first Freckles was acting as cold as that night; but then, I don't know why and how, when I returned with the food, she was very nice, friendly, funny and so open. I really loved that, the way she was finally acting nice to me with no alcohol involved. I had a great time with her and I wished that it could keep being like that. There was only one thing that was concerning me, and it was the fact she wasn't eating well and she didn't want to eat more than a poor salad; I really needed to talk to her about it, but in that moment it didn't feel proper. Well, then they invited me to go to a gallery or something, but unfortunately I couldn't. Damn, I really wanted to go, but I'd promised the brothers Matt and Nick Lang that I was going to meet them to talk about an idea for a play. The funny thing was when I joked that I had a date; I didn't say it provocatively to see her reaction, I just joked about it. The point is that she actually thought I had a date with a girl... Maybe it was all on my mind and I was picturing things that weren't, but she seemed to be kinda intrigued to know who the girl was, and if there even existed a girl. Yeah, maybe keeping her intrigued about my new life could be positive for me in order to get closer to her, just as a friend. Maybe that way she would be interested on me and she would talk to me often. Oh well, that was amazing; I really needed to do it. I needed to tell Joey about this idea I had, so he could tell me his opinion. So I walked out the bedroom to find him while putting stuff in my bag, so I couldn't look at him.

"Hey, Joey. You know? I was thinking about something that I could make with Freckles to make her change her mind and I think it actually could work... I could make her..."

"What do you want to make me?" A voice very different than Joey's voice asked.

I abruptly looked up for the sudden fright I felt and I found Freckles looking at me very intrigued and Joey looking at me with eyes wide open.

"Oh damn shit!" I yelled and I quickly covered my lower body with my bag because I was still only in my underwear. "Shit, shit! What are you doing here?" I asked edgily while still trying to cover my body.

"Calm down, Darren. It's not as if I've never seen you half-naked." Freckles said giggling and I looked at her astonished.

"Okay guys... I think I'll give you some privacy..." Joey said raising his eyebrows. "I... I'll be in downtown with the guys, Darren. Hurry up."

I didn't answer anything because I was still stunned by her presence here, so Joey just left. Oh crap, what was she doing here? How did she know where my room was? Why didn't Joey tell me she was here? Why did I have to talk about her right in that moment? Why the fuck was I in my underwear? But mostly, why would she come over here without telling me? Not that I had her phone number or she had mine, but she could have asked Meredith my number so she could notify me she was coming. Why?

"What...?" I started asking, still very stunned. "Be right back, I'll dress up."

"Okay, will be here." She answered softly.

"Right..." I answered and I turned around as I felt how she was looking at me while I was walking to the bedroom.

"Interesting..." I heard her saying. Oh fuck...

I quickly dressed up with the first thing I found. Damn, I was so nervous for no reason; she was making me feel nervous, her simple presence. The fact that she caught me right in the moment I was talking about her was making me feel nervous; and the fact that she saw me only in my underwear. And why the hell would she say interesting? What did she mean? Could she have liked how I looked?

"Stop thinking about stupid things and go out there, Darren!" I scolded myself. "Such an idiot, being nervous for something so insignificant like this. What are you? Twelve?"

So I just first looked in the mirror to check if I was looking presentable. Damn, what was I doing? I was trying to look handsome for her. I had to remind myself that I was only trying to be her friend. Her friend, nothing more. Anyway, I combed my hair with my fingers and I practiced some silly faces before leaving the bedroom. She was entertained reading some of the scripts I had to read that were above the table. And then is when I realized that our room was a complete mess. Such a shame!

"So..." I started saying looking around and she looked at me. "Welcome to college! It's like a special version of real life that has trash just sort of laying around everywhere." I tried to joke about the mess and she laughed. It worked, at least.

"Oh yeah, don't worry about that. We also have our own mess in our room." She replied with a funny smile and her smile just made me smile.

"You gotta be kidding me; your room is totally awesome, with all of those paintings and shit." I said.

"Shit?" She asked laughing. "I like your expression, that thing of totally awesome. I guess it's totally awesome to say." She said smiling amused and I couldn't help it smiling brightly.

"It really is, you should implement it to your everyday vocabulary." I said and she nodded. "Well... So..."

"Can I ask you something?" She interrupted me.

"Yeah, sure..." I replied suspiciously.

"What did you want to make me?" She asked intrigued.

"Umm... Nothing?" I replied trying to think quickly what to answer. She only looked at me raising an eyebrow, tremendously intrigued. "Just that I wanted to try to make you come with me... to...er... that gallery."

"Yeah, sure... Leave it there." She said chuckling. She knew perfectly that I wasn't being honest but she didn't seem to be mad. Maybe that was a good sign. Still, I wanted to know why she was here.

"So, what are you doing here?" I asked suspiciously. I really had no idea why she could be here.

"I want to talk to you." She answered firmly. "About what happened to us in high school. I think it's time for us to have that talk."

So then I started feeling nervous. I was wishing this day to come, but now... Umm.

"Umm... Sorry. I can't do that." I replied uncomfortable, looking down.