A/N: Hi there, guys! You surely are wondering what the hell is wrong with me because I confused Saturday with Wednesday. Let me tell you, I did not confuse it. Yes, I'm posting a new chapter on a Wednesday! This is real! Okay, enough with my silliness. I promised Vcriss that I'll post on a Wednesday, and I don't like to break my promises. So you got an early update! Now, in return, you all must provide me with chocolates. Virtual chocolates. That's possible, right? I'll pretend that you all answered yes. So, back to the story, the last you read was that Darren was having one of those shitty days that totally suck, now it's time to see what happens. Maybe many of you won't enjoy so much this new chapter... The drama returned and it came back to be intense! But I do hope that despite it you can enjoy the chapter; or at least pretend it because I updated it earlier than usual. Okay no, do not pretend it, and tell me the cold-hearted truth about what you think! Now, enough with my bipolarity. I'll start answering your reviews!
Nicole: Oh yes! It was a really bad day and I feel bad for Darren! And yes, there will be more info about Jim, but not so fast! Things will go slowly and well, you already know some things about Jim! And Kelly! Ah! I agree with you, what a whore! If I were Darren, I'd have punched her. But he didn't. There's an interesting story about Kelly that I obviously won't spoil because I'm a dragon, cruel dragon that cannot sleep with a song! Yes, about time that Meredith could know their story! Comes and goings between Freckles and Darren, wondering when it's gonna stop! Maybe Dora knows, but unfortunately Draco (or you?) got rid of her! Hugs and butterfly kisses for my so-reviewer Draco! Nicole, damn it's Nicole! Nicole Draco sounds good.
Guest: Of course it's not bad to be sarcastic! In conversations I tend to be sarcastic to make things funnier; without sarcasm and irony everything would be more boring! And I always laugh when people talk with sarcasm because it's funny, I think it's the tone of voice you do while being sarcastic. I'll take the compliment with a huge smile! I'm really glad I can make it feel real! So I hope I can still make you care about fictional characters! You should have quoted Blaine and have said 'Why do you always do that?' haha that's what popped in my mind when I read your review! I know it was frustrating and this new chapter maybe it's more frustrating. Ah, professor Adams! It'll take a long to find out what happens with him and what he has to do with this all! I'm happy to know that you love Joey and his conversations with Darren because Joey will appear a lot!
Vcriss: I did it! I updated on a Wednesday! Huzzah! You're very welcome! Now I hope you can enjoy the chapter, but probably you won't; I don't know, I have a feeling. No, I think he wasn't a douche before, and yes, he was a real jackass in this part by the way he reacted, but maybe I'll make you think the opposite in this new chapter. The roles of who the jerk is will switch all the time! Or not... Who knows? It's up to my weird mind!
GleeKof1: You gotta go to your photography course to see that hot professor! No matter if you don't like photography, you gotta see the professor Adams! Now, do you really like photography? I really do! It's one of my oh so many passions! Again the cliffhanger! And you'll get another cliffhanger in this new chapter, and the cliffhangers will continue! Those bitches. The positive thing, I guess, is that you didn't have to wait till Saturday to read a new chapter! And you'll get your adorkable for sure, I think it's in chapter 44. Aw, I miss it!
alicegursk: Noah is a bother just as Kelly is, right? At least Noah isn't a bitch like Kelly! Those things Darren said were kind of cruel; let's see how Freckles will react or let's see what unexpected thing can happen now! Why don't you understand Freckles? Oh right! She's weird! She acts weird! And she'll keep acting weird, maybe! The question is... Will Freckles and Darren get together again? Be or not to be, that's the question! Think about this, maybe the positive thing of your heart raising is that maybe, probably, possibly, you can fly! I mean, your heart is inside your body, and if it rises, maybe your body will raise and if your body rises, it'd be like flying! That would be great! Please, don't freak out, sometimes I'm a sane person. Okay, maybe you have all the reasons to call me drama queen; maybe also insane queen. I'll send Darren an owl to let him know that he must take a flight to Russia because he's forced to cuddle with you, and he could serenade you too! This will be my way to show you my love!
AnSofiekeeeh: You need to stay a hopeless romantic! Maybe they'll get together, maybe not in an expected way, maybe it'll be different. For good or for bad? Lucy doesn't know! How long will it take? Lucy doesn't know! I'm being silly, right? But keep being a hopeless romantic because that's good! Thanks for saying it was a good chapter despite the shitty day Darren had! Maybe I made you break your weekly routine, but I wanna think it was for something good that is to have got an early update in an unexpected day!
Ginny Zoey: Do not cry, Ginny! I know it's sad, but sometimes you'll get sad things and sometimes you'll get happy things; and sometimes you'll get unexpected things! Maybe Darren and Freckles will be together, maybe not so soon and maybe not as before, maybe for better, maybe not. Things will be more complicated, for good or for bad, that's something that you'll find out within time! There will be kisses, maybe, but when, who, why, how? Ah, surprise. Maybe Brian likes Freckles or maybe he's only her best friend and their relationship is just weird for different reasons. You'll get more information about it within chapters! I like the idea of giving they names! Darreckles; yes, it sounds better than Farren, I don't like Farren, not to mention Frecken. Darckles sounds quite weird. I think we could go with Darreckles!
vicky: It was a shit day, like one of those days in which everything sucks! Oh! But maybe there's something that can make his day worse, trust me. Yes, maybe this all is hurting Freckles and maybe she's still in love with Darren, it'd be reasonable to think that. Or maybe not, maybe she's confused and resented. But for now, it seems she still feels something for Darren, which doesn't mean that it could change... I will keep it as a mystery! Jim needed to appear again, there are things that must be explained about Jim but it'll take time, maybe he's not gonna appear, maybe it'll be just finding out something. Maybe he won't do anything bad, maybe he's gonna do something good, maybe he's not gonna do anything at all. Joey is a manipulator! He will say some shit in a funny way or in a wise way, he'll give his point of view about everything and he'll always manage to change Darren's mind! What a manipulator! I love him too! Yes, Kelly is a bitch! She's really rude and for that she needs to disappear. Maybe she will or maybe she won't; but for sure there's something behind Kelly... Good or bad?
Now that was all, guys! I'll update on Saturday too, so don't worry! I'll let you read this… interesting? Chapter. I don't know; let's see what you think about it. Everything said. Now, until Saturday! Have a good week! Warm fuzzies and pots of gold and rabbits!
Teenage Dream – Chapter 40 – Rainy heart.
I was already walking away from Freckles when I stopped abruptly. Man, I treated her like shit and she didn't even deserve it. I was such an ass. I turned around to walk to her again and apologize. She already walked away from me among all the people in the campus; but it was easy to recognize her colorful umbrella, so I ran towards her. She didn't notice I was running behind her, so when I was close, I took her by her arm. She turned around frowning and then she noticed it was me the one who stopped her.
"I'm so sorry, Freckles. I treated you like crap, but it's just I'm having a shitty day. Sorry, I shouldn't have vented my anger in you." I said apologetically as Freckles was looking at me serious, still frowning. I didn't like that. Why wasn't she saying anything? "Sorry, I screwed it." I apologized again and, after a while, she smiled softly.
"It's okay, there's no need to apologize; I understand this is a bad day for you." She said softly and I felt way more relieved. "I just... Let me see..." She said searching for something in her bag. I looked at her frowning; I had no idea what she was doing. "Oh, here it is!" She exclaimed and she pulled out a cotton ball and handed it to me. "Take it, for your nose."
"Oh!" I exclaimed surprised, because honestly I wasn't expecting this at all. But I took it and placed it in my nose. "Thank you." I said smiling faintly.
"You're welcome. Consider it as the favor I needed to return; you know, when you gave me a cotton ball, one day at high school when Brian hit me." Freckles said smiling kindly and I looked at her curious, frowning. I couldn't believe she remembered it. "You don't remember it, do you?"
"No. I mean, yeah, I remember it. That was long time ago." I said in a whisper, still amazed because she remembered that. "Well, thank you, really." I said again. Damn, I was getting so wet and I needed to go to any indoors place. "So, umm..."
"You really don't want to go for a coffee?" She asked.
"Oh, no. No, I don't want it." I answered sincerely.
"Oh, okay, then!" She said with a slight smile and then she was about to turn around, but I grabbed her wrist.
"Hey, wait! I think you've misunderstood me. It's not like I don't want to go for a coffee with you; it's just I don't want to go to the in-hall café. The place is crowded and I don't feel like being around people while I'm like this moody." I said softly, looking into her beautiful eyes, still holding her wrist.
"I see. Well, maybe we could leave it for another time." She said shrugging.
"Yeah." I replied, looking down because it was hard to look up while it was insanely raining.
"Either that or..." She started saying with an amused and mysterious smile.
I looked at her a bit amused. Even if I was moody, even if I was in a rage, even if I wanted to punch everybody; she made me feel a bit better, without doing anything at all. It was just the way she could be so cute, the way she could keep me interested and intrigued about something. Those were the little things she could do that could turn my mood. However, I was still feeling annoyed with this day.
"We can go at The Blue Apple café and I can buy coffee for the two of us while you wait for me outside, so you won't have to worry about people. Then, once I buy the coffees, we can go and drink them at the community living room of my residence that is awesome. Surely no one is gonna be there, because there's the rumor that the couches are contaminated with a chemical noxious for human skin or some shit like that. I don't know how people believe it, but whatever." Freckles said frowning, thoughtful and I couldn't help it but chuckling softly.
"So, you want to take me there to kill me, don't you?" I said raising an eyebrow and she looked at me amused.
"Maybe. But hey, at least you're gonna die while drinking a hot and delicious coffee. Isn't it the best way to die?" She asked while giggling. Was she trying to cheer me up?
"Yeah, you have a point there." I said nodding with a slight smile.
"So, what do you think? Do you wanna come? I have free time until 6pm and its 2pm right now, so we have time." Freckles said shrugging with a friendly smile.
"Yeah, why not? Maybe a hot coffee will help to change my cold mood." I answered shrugging; trying to be in a better mood, but well, it was hard.
"Okay, great! Let's go, then." She said smiling brightly.
So we both started walking in silence. I was walking in the rain, still getting wet with the stupid rain; and she was walking under her very colorful umbrella. Everything she had was colorful, why?
"Hey, do you really enjoy walking in the rain?" Freckles suddenly asked and I looked at her, giggling faintly.
"No... I mean, yeah, sometimes it's cool. But not when you're already very wet and your day is a real shit." I answered honestly.
"So, I'm assuming that you're stupid."
"Excuse me?" I asked frowning, surprised.
"You don't want to walk in the rain right now, but you won't get your ass under the umbrella I have. So yes, you're stupid." She said with an amused smile. Was she mocking me?
"Well, I didn't know if you..."
"Shut up and come here, under the umbrella. You really don't wanna get sick." She interrupted me and I looked at her stunned.
"Okay, boss." I said giggling softly and I walked towards her to stand next to her, under the umbrella now.
So, Freckles did exactly what she proposed me. She entered at The Blue Apple café and she bought coffee for the two. I insisted her to take my money to buy them, but she refused strongly again and again, telling me that I already paid for the lunch the last time and now it was her turn to pay something. It was weird that when I first met her at college, I was the one who invited her to go for a coffee and she never accepted; and now she was the one who was inviting me. Could be this a sign? No, of course not; I needed to stop thinking about those things; she was doing it only because she noticed I was having a crappy day and she was trying to be nice. End of the story. Freckles took me to that community living room and it was indeed completely empty. I thought she was kidding, but no, apparently she told the truth. I was about to sit on one couch, but Freckles, instead, grabbed two cushions and put them on the floor, right in front of a large floor to ceiling window. So, maybe I was supposed to sit there, I didn't know. When she sat there, leaving her bag and the umbrella on the floor; I was sure that I had to sit there; so I walked slowly and I sat on the cushion in front of her. I handed her coffee and we started drinking the coffee silently. Oh yeah, it felt so nice to drink something hot since I was really freezing and completely wet.
"Aren't you cold?" Freckles asked and I looked up to see her.
"Oh, just a bit. But the coffee is helping." I answered while taking a sip of my coffee.
"Hmm..." She said and then left the coffee on the floor and stood up. I looked at her frowning, not knowing what she was doing. "Wait here, I'll look for something in my room, so you can warm up."
"Oh, no, really, do not bother; I'm fine." I said quickly.
"Oh, please, Darren. You're trembling. Be right back." She said and turned around.
"Freckles, really! You don't have to..."
"I said be right back!" She yelled, interrupting me with a giggle while she was walking away.
"Okay, cool." I said when she left the community living room.
I waited for her for a long time, I couldn't get why she wasn't coming, her coffee was going to get cold. During the wait, I snuggled; sitting with my legs bended, placing the coffee mug on my knees and placing one cheek on the coffee mug, so I would feel the heat of the coffee to warm up a little. Like this, I remained looking through the window; I saw how hard it was raining and how almost no one was outside, except some people running with their umbrellas to attend their class. In days like this I was always used to be kind of meditative, the rain had that effect on me. So there I was, alone and quiet in that lonely and silent place, looking the rain through the window, deep in thought. I wasn't thinking anything in particular, I was just thinking about everything. That was until I heard a sound, a phone sound; but it wasn't my phone. I looked at Freckles' bag; the sound came from there. I looked around; Freckles wasn't here yet and it seemed she wasn't going to come back any soon. I left the coffee mug on the floor and I crawled up her backpack. Silently and gingerly, I opened it and I searched for her phone; until I found it. Oh damn, man! What was I doing? I shouldn't be doing this; this was none of my business. And what if Freckles catches me doing this? I really shouldn't be doing this, but I was so intrigued. I looked around one more time; no one was there and I couldn't hear anyone coming, so I saw her phone. It was a text message from... Noah? Who was that? Could that be her ex-boyfriend? No, she told me that her ex-boyfriend's name was Ian. So, who was this Noah guy? Maybe a new friend she had? What if that guy was her new lover? What if she actually had a lover? I never asked her if she had a current relationship. Oh, you fool! Why have you never asked her that? Whatever, I needed to read that text message. I was nervous; I really didn't want Freckles to catch me doing this; so I tried to be fast.
From Noah: Hey there, sexy girl. How's your day going so far? I just wanted to say that it was really nice to see you today. I'm excited to show you that thing I've told you about. I hope you have yours ready. ;)
I looked at that text message and a lot of hypothesis and conjectures started popping in my mind. But then I heard steps coming closer and I felt really nervous. That was surely Freckles. I quickly left her phone in her backpack and closed it; then I crawled up my cushion and grabbed my coffee mug to pretend I was doing nothing. I sat in the same position I was sitting before I heard the sound of her phone and I looked through the window.
"Take this, Darren." Freckles said with her soft voice and I looked at her. She was handing me a colorful wool quilt. "I'm sorry; I couldn't find any other thing to give to you."
"No, it's okay; this seems good enough." I said softly, grabbing the wool quilt. I wrapped it around my body and I snuggled. "Hmm, this feels so cozy and warm. Thank you, Freckles."
"You're welcome." She said smiling friendly and then she sat on her cushion, grabbing her coffee.
Then I looked through the window again, now with the wool quilt wrapped around me. I was feeling really cozy with the quilt; sitting with my legs bended and my coffee on my knees, placing my cheek on the coffee mug while hearing the sound of the rain. But now I was thinking about that Noah guy. I couldn't stop thinking about it and the text message he sent her. Why did he call her sexy girl? What was he going to show her? Was this Noah guy her boyfriend or something? That was unfair. It was unfair that I was still thinking that I could have a chance with Freckles while she was hanging out with other guys. I was feeling kind of down and more because of this depressing day; although now I was feeling a bit better because of the wool quilt; that quilt had her smell, so it was something pleasant. I was so deep in thought until I heard a weird sound. I looked at Freckles; she was with a digital camera. Was she taking me a picture?
"What are you doing?" I asked frowning but softly. She put aside the digital camera and smiled.
"My assignment." She answered still smiling and I looked at her curiously. "I have this course, Digital Photography, and the professor gave us an assignment to do. So I was doing it." She explained.
"And your assignment was taking me a picture? I didn't know I was that famous." I asked still curiously. She giggled softly.
"No, silly!" She answered still giggling softly and that made me smile just a bit. "We had to choose a topic and try out different things with colors and perspectives that can impact emotional connections between image and viewer." She explained and I nodded.
"So, the topic you chose was to express how sexy a guy can be, right?" I said trying to joke and she laughed.
"Sorry to disappoint, but that wasn't precisely the topic I chose." She said giggling softly and I nodded as she grabbed her digital camera again to look at the picture she recently took. "But you could certainly be my model for my assignment. You are ridiculously photogenic." She said frowning in surprise with a smile on her face.
"What?" I asked amused.
"Yeah, look at this picture. You didn't pose for the picture and you still look great." She said crawling up to me. She sat next to me and showed me the photo. That was good photo, but I didn't like so much how I looked.
"The photo is masterful. But I look so crappy; look at that hair! Man, is a mess." I said frowning, touching my hair now. "Why haven't you told me that I look like Medusa?" I asked in all seriousness and Freckles laughed out loud.
"You don't look like Medusa. I like your hair when wet. Really, your curls are perfect for a shampoo commercial." She said giggling, touching one of my curls. I just looked at her and I smiled for real.
"If you're saying that just in order to convince me to help you with your assignment; I'm sorry to inform you that it won't happen." I said smiling.
"No, I didn't say it for that." She said now looking at me and then she crawled up her cushion again to grab her coffee. "But you could help me, you know? Besides, you offered your help when we were in Munising."
"Well, I offered my help, yeah; but it was if you needed help with the courses I already took last year." I corrected her.
"Damn! That's right." She said frowning and closing her fist, and then she laughed. "But, come on, pose for my photos! You're photogenic, besides, you're an actor."
"I am not yet." I reminded her.
"But you will. And you can start practicing with me as your photographer. Imagine that I'm one of those people that are in charge to take all the photos of an important event... Or better yet, imagine that you need to pose for artistic photos for the cover of a movie or magazine and I'm the photographer." She said in a very persuasive way and I just looked at her amused. She had a really good imagination.
"That sounds captivating and convincing and I feel super honored; but it won't work. I don't feel comfortable when it comes to posing for pictures; I tend to do silly faces all the time when someone is gonna take me a picture. So no; sorry. Besides, you should look for a handsome guy; not me, the king of the dorks." I said giggling softly and she burst out laughing.
"Well, king of the dorks, you're handsome. So, please!" She begged and I looked at her with a twinkle in my eyes. Was she really saying I was handsome?
"Okay, maybe another day; today is not a good day for me." I replied, sighing. Of course she could always convince me to do whatever she wanted.
"Thank you! You're the best!" She exclaimed bouncing on the cushion, excited.
"I wonder how many times you said the same to other people when you convinced them to do something you wanted." I said amused, laughing, shaking my head and looking through the window again. Then I heard the same sound than minutes before and I looked at her again. "Hey! Do not take me pictures now or I won't pose for you in the future!" I warned amused.
"Okay, okay! I'll stop now." She said chuckling, putting her digital camera aside. "I have a surprise for you!" She exclaimed loudly.
"Do you?" I asked looking at her intrigued.
"I do! Wait..." She said, looking for something behind her. "I had to hide it before you could see it when I came back..." She said still looking for something. "That's why I took so long..." She said and she finally turned around. "Ta-da!" She exclaimed pulling out something I recognized.
Oh well, she really surprised me this time. She was there grabbing the ukulele I gave her one time ago, when we first started dating. She still had it, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't help feeling thrilled; those were some good times. That used to be my best ukulele and I never regretted to have given it to her; I was glad that she still had it. She handed it to me and I grabbed it. I could read what I wrote to her that day: 'A signed ukulele for my biggest fan. With love, Darren Criss.' And my signature and a smiley face with a tiny heart were drawn there. I let out a short laugh when I read it. After I observed it for a while, I looked up to see her.
"You still have it." I said smiling sweetly and she smiled back.
"Of course I still have it. It helped me a lot when I wanted to learn to play an instrument. That's why I can play the guitar, not so well because the ukulele is different than a guitar, but well, it's similar." She answered still smiling.
"Well, I'm glad it was useful." I said while running my fingers through the ukulele. It was well preserved.
"Yes, it was. I can play it, but I still fail at some things. At least, my fingers can reach the strings now." She said laughing and I remembered when she told me she always wanted to learn to play the guitar but she gave up because her fingers couldn't reach the strings; so I laughed at that comment.
"Well, see? It wasn't something impossible, I told you." I said still laughing. "If you want to learn to play it well, my offer of being your teacher is still standing."
"Okay, I'll keep it in mind. It seems that you're gonna be my teacher for everything: my swimming teacher, my guitar teacher, my acting coach... Geez, boy! I don't have much money to afford it all." She said frowning with an amused smile and I chuckled softly.
"Well, if you don't have the money; there are other ways you can pay me." I said winking, flirting a bit. But she looked at me suspiciously, as though she didn't like so much that answer. "Yeah, like we could make a trade. I'll teach you all of those things and in return you'll decorate my room with your paintings, drawings and handcrafts."
"Oh!" She exclaimed loudly, raising her eyebrows, as though she was relieved to have heard that answer. "Yes, totally! It seems fair enough." She said nodding and smiling. I only nodded, smiling back. "So... I brought the ukulele because I was wishing to hear your voice singing."
"Were you?" I asked amused and she nodded with a bright smile. Well, at least there was something she still liked about me. "Okay, I feel like I'm practically forced to do this. What will you give me in return?" I asked giving her a sensual look; everything in a jokingly way.
"I'll sing for you." She replied and I looked at her curiously. I remembered when she didn't like to sing in front of me and now she was offering to sing for me. Truth was that her voice was way better now.
"Fine, it's a deal." I replied now tuning the strings. Then I heard the sound of the camera and I looked at her. "Hey! You promised something!"
"I'm so sorry!" She said with a mischievous smile and with the typical face of a child when knows that made a mischief. I couldn't help laughing.
Before singing, her phone sounded and I looked at it fixedly. Oh damn, hopefully she wouldn't notice I read that text message from that Noah guy. I was kind of nervous. She took her phone and read the text message, frowning and smiling amused. Surely it was from that Noah guy again.
"I'm sorry... Just, wait a minute. I have to answer this." She said still looking at her phone.
"Yeah, take your time." I answered.
Well, at least she didn't notice that I read that text message and that was good. But she was now chuckling while typing the reply for whoever sent her a text. I wondered if I could make her smile and laugh that way sometime. After a while, she looked at me.
"Okay, you can now sing something." She said smiling.
"Good, I have this song... I've never sung it before in front of someone." I started saying a bit nervous. "This is a song that I wrote a time ago and well, I wanted to show it to you because it's really important to me... Originally, the song is meant to be played on a piano; but well, I think I can do it with this ukulele..." I started saying really nervous. I wanted to show her the song I wrote for her and never had the chance to do it. "This is... this is for you..." I said trying to calm down as she was looking at me intrigued.
"Okay, let's see..." She said with a bright smile. I nodded and when I started playing the ukulele, her phone buzzed again. "I'm so sorry, I have to read this!" She said now looking at her phone.
I stopped playing the ukulele to look at her, biting my lower lip. She was reading the text message and replying it while laughing cheerfully, completely ignoring all the things I told her about that this song was important to me. She didn't seem to really care about it; otherwise, she wouldn't be replying that text and laughing that way. It really made me feel sad; this was important to me, I was about to sing to her the song I wrote for her; the song I always wanted to sing to her because she was my inspiration, because it was directed to her. And there she was, replying a text message and laughing, thinking about something else, probably talking to that Noah guy, right when I was starting to sing that song. I was a complete idiot; I was just making a fool of myself. That was the moment when I fully understood what my friends were trying to say to me all this time: She was not interested on me; I was not important to her; she didn't care about me; I was a fool who was still feeling something for her; and I needed to move on without her. I looked at her sadly and then I looked down, still biting my lower lip while she kept sending that text message. Man, I was feeling really sad now that I realized all that my good friends were trying to say me to avoid this kind of situation in which I was the only one hurting.
"I'm so sorry! Now, you can play that song you wrote." Freckles suddenly said.
"Yeah, I changed my mind." I said still looking down. "I thought that the best would be if I just play something related to this weather." I said and then I looked at her. She was still with that amused smile. I hated that.
"Okay!" She exclaimed cheerfully.
Damn, at least she could have pretended that she was interested on the song I was going to sing for her, on the song I wrote for her. I nodded and looked down again as I started to play the ukulele. I had the perfect song for the occasion.
I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain
If I wait for stormy skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know that I still love you so
Though the heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Raindrops falling from heaven
Could never take away my misery
But since we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see
Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain.
When I finished singing the song, I frowned and put the ukulele aside; looking down. I couldn't believe that she kept sending text messages while I was singing; I couldn't believe she was laughing while I was singing something really sad that I truly felt. She used to only listen to me really pleasantly whenever I sang for her. But everybody was right: she was not the girl she used to be. Still, it hurt. I glanced surreptitiously at her since she wasn't saying anything. She was chuckling, looking at her phone. I looked at her intently. I wasn't in love with that girl that was in front of me. That girl over there? She wasn't the girl I loved, she wasn't important to me because I wasn't important to her. Then she finally looked up.
"That's a good song and I love your voice." She said and I nodded silently, looking down and biting my lower lip. "But, don't you think it's a little bit gloomy? I mean, I understand you wanted to honor the rain. But there are other songs about rain that aren't sad. The song you just sang; it only will make you feel in a more crappy way." She said softly and I let out a bitter and sarcastic laugh, still looking down and raising an eyebrow. No shit, Sherlock; I thought in my mind. "Give me the ukulele, I'll sing something more cheery, also in honor to the rain, I guess." She said with a giggle and I just handed her the ukulele, without looking at her. "Okay, here I go!"
She started playing the ukulele, but I just kept looking down, and then I looked through the window again. And she started singing with her mellow voice.
When you get caught in the rain with nowhere to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
I can make it through the rain
And I live once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
Yes you can
You will make it through the rain.
She finished singing the song and now I was looking at her. Her voice was fantastic, I was still amazed for that; she was a really good singer now; she failed sometimes with the chords; but still, it was great. And that was a really good song; it was something that maybe I needed to hear in that moment. I could stand up once again on my own and make it through the rain. Anyway, when she looked up to look at me, I looked through the window again. I really didn't want to make eye contact with her; I shouldn't fall for her again now that I finally understood how things were in fact.
"So?" She asked softly.
"That was a good song and your voice is really sweet and mellow." I opined, still looking through the window.
"Thanks." She said softly and I could sense she was smiling, but I didn't dare to look at her. "I used to sing this song whenever I was having a crappy day last year; whenever I thought everything was going bad and nothing could get better. So, I thought that maybe, considering that you're having a bad day, it could work for you too."
"Yeah, it worked, I guess. Thanks." I answered with a forced smile, still avoiding her gaze.
"You're welcome." She answered softly and after that there was an uncomfortable silence that she broke. "Hey Darren, you know... If you need someone to talk to about this shitty day you're having, you can do it with me." She suddenly said and I looked at her abruptly.
She was looking deeply into my eyes and when she noticed I finally looked at her, she smiled friendly. I couldn't believe she said something nice after ignoring me minutes earlier. Well, maybe I've overreacted when I said she didn't care at all; maybe she did care at least a little. She was willing to listen to me, to be my support right now.
"That's so nice from you." I said softly, smiling back at her. Yeah, I felt thrilled by what she said. "I'd like to talk to someone, but I really don't want to bug you..." I started saying, now looking through the window again, frowning.
"Oh, come on, Darren. You won't bother me, really." She insisted so I looked at her frowning, but then I smiled slightly.
"Okay, if you really don't mind..." I said looking fixedly at her and she shook her head. "Okay, let's say that the shitty day starts with a dispute with your roommate and another friend. Like, it starts as a dispute but it's not a dispute, it's just something they said that made you feel bad and frustrated." I started explaining, with no intentions to explain everything in depth because I didn't want to admit that almost this all was about her. She was indeed listening to me very intently. "You don't wanna screw it, so you just decide to go for lunch alone because you need to be alone. But when you get outside it's raining like hell and you don't have a damn umbrella and coat. So like that you have to keep going because you don't want to return to your room because you don't want to start the dispute again. So there you are..." I kept explaining, venting all the anger I had until her phone buzzed and she looked at it while I was explaining my troubles.
"He's such a dork." She laughed while reading the text message.
I looked at her in disbelief while she was replying that text message. If she didn't really want to listen to me, she just could have said it, instead making me feel like a fool by telling her my troubles while she was laughing at some stupid text message she received. This was kinda humiliating; I needed to stop making a fool of myself. Why would I think that she really cared about what I had to say? All this time she proved me that she didn't give a damn shit of what I had to say or not. See? That wasn't the person with who I fell in love; the person with who I fell in love always listened to me, always was caring and lovely, always showed me support and gave me encouragement. The girl in front of me was none of that. And I wasn't saying she was a bad person because I didn't know; I was saying that she simply didn't care about me unlike me, that I was all the damn time thinking about her. I was upset; I was disappointed, I was sad. And she was still laughing at the text of that guy that probably was Noah and probably was her lover or her fuck buddy. I was like a fool in the background of a stupid play called 'The pathetic life of the dumbass Darren Criss'. Fuck this all, I was sick of this.
"Sorry, you were telling me that..."
"You know? I just realized that it's too late and I have to attend a course." I interrupted her frowning, standing up and leaving the wool quilt she gave me on the floor, while she was looking at me confused. "So yeah, I gotta go. Thanks for the coffee and all that shit." I said lazily and I turned around, determined to leave that place and walk away from her.
"Hey Darren, wait!" She yelled, but I didn't stop. So she ran behind me and took me by my wrist, I quickly let it out.
"What?" I asked moody. I really wanted to go away.
"Sorry, did I do something bad that bothered you?" She asked suspiciously, frowning.
Yes, I wanted to answer. Yes, you bothered me when I was telling you my troubles and you ignored me. Yes, I was upset because in Munising you told me that you used to listen to people and you didn't listen at me at all. Yes, I was feeling bad because you didn't care a damn shit about me while I cared about you all the fucking time. Yes, I was feeling completely down because I noticed your happy eyes when you read that text message; I was down because that was the way you used to look at me long ago. Yes, you broke my stupid heart when I was about to sing you a song that I wrote especially for you which showed all my feelings for you but you disregarded it, because it was way more important for you to reply a stupid text message from a guy that was making you laugh in a way I couldn't since we met again. I was really crestfallen because I finally realized that I meant nothing to you. I couldn't tell her all of those things, because, after all, she wasn't guilty. She was single; she was free to do whatever she wanted. I was the problem here; I was the only one who still couldn't get over her. So I just put out the nicest fake expression on my face that I could do and I forced a smile while inside I had this terrible pain in my chest.
"No, it's not you. I just have to attend the course and I'm late." I lied with the falsest gentle voice I had. "I guess I'll see you around, now I gotta go. Take care, Freckles."
"Yes, you too." She said almost in a whisper, frowning in confusion. She tried to hug me to greet me, but I stepped back.
"I'm so sorry, gotta go. Bye." I said quickly and I turned around.
I left as fast as I could; I didn't care it was still raining hard; I just walked outside and ran to my room. A lot of people looked at me as if I were crazy for being running outside with this rain without an umbrella; but I didn't care. This crappy day was going to end eventually; but right now, I couldn't think in anything positive and I wasn't like that. I quickly arrived to my room and when I entered, Joey was there alone reading a book of American Theatre and Drama; Meredith was gone. He looked at me stunned when he saw the abruptly way in which I came in, but I didn't greet him. I just ran to the bedroom and I lay down in bed, covering my head with the pillow. Damn, damn, damn! I just wanted everything to stop.
"Hey, bro; is everything okay?" Joey asked gingerly, entering in the bedroom.
"Yes." I lied with choked voice. Shit, I didn't want to cry like a fool and less in front of my best friend.
"Hey man, are you crying?" He asked worried and bewildered. I tried to speak clearly but I had the painful lump in my throat and now I wouldn't stop shedding stupid tears.
"No." I lied again with cracked voice, burying my head on the mattress, still covering my head with the pillow.
"Oh sweet lord, you're crying." Joey said stunned. He never saw me crying like this before. I noticed he sat on the edge of my bed and he was uncomfortable, he didn't know what to do; so he just placed a hand on my shoulder. "Hey man, what's wrong?"
"I'm no one to her! No one!" I yelled while crying, finally uncovering my face and now looking at Joey, sobbing like an idiot. He looked at me aghast and confused. "And all this time I was this douchebag that was still fucking in love with her and couldn't get over her while she was already making her own fantastic life without me!"
"What are you talking about, buddy?" He asked gingerly, frowning, still bewildered.
"Freckles."
"You saw her, didn't you?" Joey asked gingerly and concerned.
"Yes, and we talked and shit. And she ignored me all the time while I was trying to talk to her about how I was feeling. She ignored me and she's with another guy! She didn't care about me; all this time since we fell apart, she never did." I said still crying and Joey looked at me sadly, biting his lip. "And I should never have cared. But I did care. I cared a lot. And I still fucking care." I said sobbing, feeling sad and upset. "And that is so fucking frustrating!"
"I'm sorry, buddy." He said sadly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I just looked at him distressed, shedding tears in silence. So he hugged me, and he never hugged me before. "Soon it'll get better; you just have to calm down, things will work out with or without her."
"I just want to stop caring; I just want to forget her." I said crying on his shoulder as he was tapping my back. Then I parted to look at him. "Please, help me to forget her." I begged and he looked at me stunned, raising his eyebrows.
"I... I don't think I can do that. You just can't forget her." He answered and I looked down, biting strongly my lips. "But I can help you to keep going without her. And I will do it if that's what you want." He added and I looked at him thankful.
"Thanks, Joey, really." I said weakly. "And sorry, for the stupid tears and all."
"Hey, that's fine. Everybody cries, even guys; so forget it." Joey said shrugging and I nodded, looking down. "Just calm down, man. You'll find another woman, just not Kelly, please." He said frowning and I laughed faintly.
"No, definitely not Kelly." I agreed.
After that, before going at class, I sent Jen a text message.
To Jen: Jenny, I wish you could be here. I need you so much.
So you were in your room after that weird encounter with Darren. Meredith was in the bedroom reading a book while you were sitting on the table, looking at the photos you took of Darren, trying to finish your assignment; you still had to write something about it. And you still didn't tell Meredith that you saw Darren and you had that super weird encounter. You wondered why he could have been having such a shitty day and why he wanted to go away all of a sudden.
"Hey Freckles, I have to go to class. See you later, okay?" Meredith said with a bright smile. Before leaving, she turned to say another thing. "By the way, we, me and my friends, were thinking to go downtown tonight, at some nightclub and concert venue called the Blind Pig. Are you up for this?"
"Tonight? With this rain?" You asked frowning.
"Oh yeah, right; you're right. Well, it wasn't decided; maybe we could leave it for tomorrow night. But would you come?" She asked again.
"Yeah, I guess I could go. I still need to find out how the nightlife is here in Ann Arbor." You said smiling slightly.
"Oh, you're gonna love it." She said smiling brightly. "Alright, I really have to go now. See you later, Freckles!"
"See you. Have a good time." You said kindly.
"Umm, I doubt I could have a good time with History of Theatre, but thanks anyway. I hope that your assignment of Digital Photography won't be such a pain in the neck." She said laughing softly and so did you. "Okay, bye!"
Meredith turned around and left. So you were now looking at those photos you took, trying to pick one of them for your assignment. You liked the three of them, so it was hard to pick only one. Then you realized that your professor didn't clarify that it had to be only one photo; so maybe you could pick the first two pictures. In both of them, Darren was with your colorful wool quilt looking through the window with his coffee on his knees and the cheek on the coffee mug; but there was a difference between them. In the first one he seemed to be thoughtful and in the second one he seemed to be cheerful. Well then, you were going to choose those two photos. Now you had to think what to write and you were clueless. Did you have to write an essay, a technical text or an emotional text? Damn, it was annoying the fact that during the class you didn't have any doubt but in the moment you had to start working on it, all the doubts that could exist emerged. Well, for sure the professor wanted you to express emotions with the photos, so maybe you could write a mix of an essay with a poem or something like that. As searching for inspiration to write it, you looked intently at the first photo in which Darren seemed to be thoughtful. You observed his posture and tried to find out what the posture of his body could be expressing emotionally; then you zoomed in on his face. Wow, there was something that was producing you sadness; so you zoomed in on his eyes. He had almost empty and tired eyes, but mostly he had sad eyes; and his sight was kinda lost, as though he was deep in thought, just thinking or feeling something that was producing sadness to him. That was kinda heartbreaking. You wondered again why he could have been feeling like that; you never saw in him such sad eyes because usually he had happy eyes and when he was sad, he didn't even have this sorrowful expression in his eyes. Then you looked at the second photo in which he was laughing. That photo was more cheerful and perky; but again you zoomed in on his face. His laughter was amazing and very jaunty; but then you zoomed in on his eyes. There was a twinkle now, a particular bright; but there was still a hint of gloominess and sadness in his eyes. How was this possible? You remembered something that happened to you: You smiled even when you couldn't, but that didn't mean that your heart wasn't still broken. Then you remembered the song he sang, about the rain and about how his heart was broken and was hurting him and he was hiding it because of his pride. Maybe he really meant that song; maybe he wasn't doing it well, maybe he was feeling really bad. That was all you needed to realize to start writing.
What's the rain? Is it only liquid water in the form of droplets that have condensed from atmospheric water vapor and then precipitated? Or is it also a phenomenon capable of producing a mental and emotional state in humans? Is it a meteorological phenomenon? Is it a state of mind? Is it a state of emotion? The rain, up above from the skies, comes as drops of joy and sorrow. In the rain, in sorrow and in pain, a boy cries in the rain. The boy hides under a colorful quilt, as an irony and contradistinction of the pain in his heart. Rain drops falling in his head and never knowing when it will end. He heard the rhythm of the raindrops dripping to the ground. He heard the rhythm of the raindrops dropping all around. He heard the rhythm of the raindrops drumming on the rafter. He heard the rhythm of the raindrops drowning out his laughter. He would love to dance and sing in the rain, knowing somehow it'll help erase the pain. He has bought grief's lottery, bought even the rain. No one can see him, crying in the rain. No one can see the tiny glow of sorrow in his eyes. No one can see what his heart hides behind those sad eyes. No one can see the rain in his heart. His life is cold, and dark, and dreary; it rains and the wind is never weary. His thoughts still cling to the moldering past, but the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast, and the days are dark and dreary. Be still, sad heart, and cease repining; behind the clouds is the sun still shining; thy fate is the common fate of all, into each life some rain must fall. Some days must be dark and dreary. Remember, rainy heart, when your days are cold and dreary may your warm-hearted heart bring you warmth, like the hot coffee warms you in a rainy day. Remember, rainy and sad heart, when the rain is over and the sun begins to glow, even little flowers start to bud, and grow and grow. And if the sun isn't coming, let me be the sun that brightens your heart; so then may your heart and spirit soar, little lovely heart.
When you finished writing that short text, you decided to choose only the first photo. Now, looking at the photo, you decided to read what you recently wrote. You read it out loud and with calm voice. And when you finished reading it, you frowned.
"This is not good; this is terrible, I can't believe I wrote something so... poor and inconsistent. Besides, this seems as if I were writing like a love poem for him. What is wrong with me?" You exclaimed out loud, still frowning. "Whatever, I won't change it. Stupid assignment."
You said and you left the digital camera and the text on your desk. You checked the time. It was 5:30pm and at 6pm you had to go to your next course. Honestly, you weren't feeling like going; but you had to. You changed your clothes because now it was cold outside; and then you left the room with your umbrella. It was still raining hard, so it was darker than usual. You arrived to your course History of 20th Dress and you looked for Noah, who said was your classmate; but he wasn't there. Maybe he wasn't taking this course. You were alone in that course and almost no one was there, probably because of the rain. Your professor arrived and this course turned to be the most boring course in the planet, it was even worse than Digital Photography. Those were tedious hours of listening to your professor talking nonstop about very boring and monotonous topics. When the course finished, you couldn't be happier. It was already 8pm and you didn't have any other course, so you just walked alone to your room again. But you walked very slowly because you missed doing this, walking in the rain. Somehow, walking in the rain was making you be very thoughtful and meditative. You couldn't stop thinking about Darren and it was a while since the last time you thought about him this much. But the odd encounter was making you wonder a lot of things.
"Oh my god." You exclaimed loudly when you finally find out one of the possible options of why Darren could have gone all of a sudden that afternoon. "It was my fault."
You and he were moderately fine until you got down with the wool quilt for him. Since that moment you found him in a weird way looking through the window with that sad expression on his face. You, naive, thought that he was only thoughtful; thinking about the bad things that happened to him that turned his day into a shitty day. It wasn't because of that, you couldn't believe you didn't realize it before. You had a text message from Noah already read, and you thought it was you the one who read it and didn't pay attention while doing it. But Darren was the one who read it! Because you got that text message when you were in your room, looking for the quilt. Darren knew about Noah and that was why he was thoughtful. Maybe he was thinking that Noah was your lover or something because of the way he called you sexy girl; but Darren didn't know that it was a joke because of the way Noah called you the first day you met. Oh geez. Anyway, that was so inappropriate; he shouldn't have read your text message. But there were other things... Oh, no. Crap! You were such an idiot! You remembered that Darren was about to sing you a song he wrote and that it was important to him, but then he changed his mind. You believed him when he said he wanted to sing something about the weather. You stupid girl! It surely was because you got those funny text messages from Noah, who was at a stationery store in downtown, buying stuff for your courses of art and design and he offered to buy some things for you; so he was asking what you needed. You had to reply those text messages and you couldn't help laughing at his silly jokes. Surely Darren thought that you weren't interested on what he wanted to sing to you; but it wasn't like that. That was why he sang that sad song. Could he have sung that sad song for you? Could you have broken his heart? Oh, you were so stupid. And then, when he started telling you his troubles, but you kept receiving those texts from Noah. Surely Darren thought that you weren't interested on what he was telling you that was important to him and that was why he left all of a sudden; maybe that was why he had those sad eyes. It was everything because of your fault. And the worst was that he had reasons to feel mad or disappointed in you. Shit, you weren't like that; you really cared about what he was saying but you proved him the opposite. Holy shit, you weren't like this. Why have you done something so cruel? And you didn't even realize it until now. You only wished that Darren could have noticed it wasn't like that; but still, you were feeling bad with yourself and your stupid behavior. You needed to talk to someone about this and that person was Brian, he always knew what to say to make you feel better. So you just called him, while you were still outside, standing in the rain. He didn't answer, so you called him again. Nothing. You called him one third time.
"Hey, Sunny, I'm so sorry, but I'm busy and I can't talk right now." He finally answered in a whisper.
He didn't even greet you. And you were already feeling very bad and sensitive, so that affected you more than it should. You didn't say anything at all; you just shed some tears and tried to avoid making any sound, so he wouldn't notice you were indeed crying. Why were you feeling like this? Lately you've been way too sensitive.
"Sunny?" He asked and you took a deep breathe.
"I'm sorry; I didn't want to bother you. I'll call you later. Sorry." You said in one breath and then you hung up.
You pouted to try to stop your crying, but you didn't get it. Geez, you were feeling so hypersensitive and brittle; just like a little girl. And you were still in the rain and you didn't even care, you really didn't want to come back to your room now and you didn't even want to have dinner. Your phone started buzzing and you checked it. It was an incoming call from Brian. You didn't answer, you couldn't talk and he was busy. He called you two more times. Then your phone buzzed again but it was a text message.
From Brian: Sunny, pick up my call.
You read his text message and you cried even more. You didn't know what was going on with you; you weren't even in your period, you shouldn't feel this sensitive. Your phone started buzzing again and it was Brian calling you; this time you answered the call.
"Sunny! What's going on?" Brian asked worried and a bit severe now and you kept sobbing, you couldn't answer. "Hey, are you crying, Sunny? Hey, what's wrong?" He asked softening his voice.
"I turned into a person I'm not, Brian! I'm not like this! I don't know what's wrong with me; I just don't wanna be like this! I just wanna be the person I used to be! Now I'm a bitch and cruel person and I hate it! I hate myself!" You sobbed, throwing your umbrella on the grass because of your frustration and anger with yourself; so now the raindrops were falling in your head.
"What? Oh my god, Sunny; what happened? Why are you saying that?" Brian asked confused but you didn't answer, you just kept crying; you needed to stop crying. "Sunny, do you want me to come over there? You know I can do it."
"No, no! You're busy and I don't want... I don't want to disturb you. I just... I just don't wanna come back to my room and I don't know... Oh, geez, you're busy and I'm disturbing you; I'm so sorry!" You sobbed feeling even worse because you were worrying him with stupid things while he was probably doing something more important.
"Sunny, calm down! You're not disturbing me, okay? You could never disturb me." Brian said softly but firmly. "I'll tell you what to do. I want you to take a cab and come over here, I'll pay for it. If you don't want to come back to your room, you can spend the night here; and don't worry because you'll have your own bed since my roommate is not living with me anymore because of a dispute. So please, just calm down and come over here."
"What? Isn't your roommate living with you anymore? Since when? Oh my god, you had a dispute with him and I never asked and I'm all the time talking about myself and you... you were having troubles and I didn't listen to you either. See? I'm a terrible person!" You cried, feeling completely bad now. You couldn't believe that you did the same to Brian; you weren't able to listen to people and that was making you feel terrible.
"Stop that, Sunny!" Brian said very loudly and firmly and you just shut up, shedding tears in silence. "You're not a terrible person, that's crazy. And forget about the roommate, I never told you that, so it was my fault. Just please, calm down and take the cab. Can you do that, Sunny?"
"Yes, yes I can. Thanks... Thank you." You sobbed.
"It's okay, I'll wait for you. Calm down." Brian said softly.
You didn't think twice, as soon as you hung up with Brian, you took a cab that drove you to the Central Campus. You really needed to be with Brian but also you didn't want to disturb him; why would he be so busy? Why would he have a dispute with his roommate? What if he was also feeling bad and you never asked him anything? You were a bad, terrible friend. When you arrived to his residence, he was already there, outside with an umbrella, waiting for you. As soon as he saw the cab, he ran to there and paid for it; and when you got out of the cab, the first you did was to hug him. He hugged you back, but he quickly broke the hug.
"Let's go inside, better. It's raining like crazy!" He said and you nodded, linking your arm with his and standing under his umbrella.
You walked silently to his room; you still didn't know how it looked like. His room was in the North Quadrangle residential and as soon as you entered, you got very surprised by the luxury of that place. As you kept walking, now through the corridor, you noticed it was everything very different than your residence. Not only because of the luxury of that place, but also because everybody was very quiet, you almost couldn't hear any sound and no one was talking in the corridors. You could quickly tell that this wasn't a residence in which students of arts, design, music or theatre lived. You liked how this place looked like, but you preferred your residence because of the people, maybe. Anyway, you arrived to Brian's room and as soon as he opened the door, you looked round, amazed. His room was way bigger than yours, it even had a kitchen; and the living room was a real living room, not like yours that had only one couch and a table with two chairs. Even if his living room and the dining room were in the same room, it was well defined which place was each one, since he had a real dining table and two couches.
"Wow, this is a good room." You whispered amazed.
"Yes, it is; I can't complain. But I could use some of your awesome paintings to decorate it." He said smiling slightly.
"I'd love that." You answered smiling, wrapping an arm around him and resting your head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around you and he kissed your head.
"Come on, sit. I'll make coffee for us, so you can tell me what's going on. You don't look so good." He said looking at you, frowning, apparently concerned.
You only nodded and walked to one of the couches, as Brian walked to the kitchen to make the coffees. You were still feeling bad, but now you were feeling a bit better because you were with your best friend. After a while, Brian came with the cups of coffee and sat next to you.
"Okay, here you have... A coffee with sweetener and cinnamon for you..." Brian said smiling friendly, handing you the coffee and you smiled at him.
"Ah, the touch of cinnamon. I love that." You said smiling and smelling the coffee in pleasure as he looked at you.
"Of course! Coffee with cinnamon is one of your favorites." He said chuckling softly.
"I can't believe you remember all of those little things."
"Why wouldn't I remember? Next time I'll make you a Mocha coffee, your favorite. But right now I couldn't buy the ingredients to make it." He said smiling and you chuckled, shaking your head.
"You're so sweet, I can't even." You said chuckling and you kissed his cheek. When you did it, he smiled softly and looked into your eyes.
"You make me blush." Brian joked and you giggled softly, taking a sip of your coffee.
"Ah, this feels so good." You said closing your eyes and making a face of pleasure. When you opened your eyes and looked at Brian, he was looking at you fixedly. "What?" You asked a bit amused because he was looking at you in a weird way. He quickly shook his head and looked away.
"Nothing." He replied and you frowned in confusion. "I was just wondering what happened to you." He said now looking at you again, worried.
"Oh, umm... Darren." You answered looking down but you noticed that Brian looked down and nodded silently, biting his lower lip. Why would he do that? "I know what you're thinking and this time you're right."
"I... I'm not thinking anything." He said babbling and frowning, looking at you again. "What happened with Darren?"
"I screwed it." You said sighing sadly and you started feeling like a terrible person again.
So you started explaining him all that happened in the afternoon. You explained him how you felt after finding out why Darren could have been acting in a weird way and how it made you feel guilty and like a terrible person, because you surely hurt his feelings and worse yet, you could have broken his heart, considering the song he sang. You also told Brian about the photos you took of Darren and how his eyes looked so sad and it made you feel bad thinking that probably you were the one who made him have sad eyes. And you also told Brian that you hated what you did because you weren't like that and you acted like a heartless person, as though you didn't care at all what Darren had to tell you. Of course, you ended up shedding tears, but you found comfort when you rested your head on Brian's lap and wrapped your arms around his muscular body. At first he didn't move and he seemed to be uncomfortable by this, but at the end, when he noticed you were still crying, he started caressing your short hair as you buried your face on his stomach.
"Sunny, do not cry." He said smoothly, still caressing your hair. "You didn't do it on purpose; if Darren is clever enough, he's gonna realize it. He could have been having a shitty day for other reasons that don't involve you, you know? You're not a terrible person, so stop saying that."
"But I am, Bri. He was trying to tell me his troubles and it seemed something hard for him to do, and I just acted like an idiot and I interrupted him when I decided to read those stupid text messages from Noah!" You said still sobbing. "Why? Why am I like that?"
"Hey, stop. You had to read those text messages, as you told me. Yes, maybe Darren felt bad for it, I won't deny it. But if he got mad at you for that, well, it's silly. Maybe he overreacted because he was being sensitive for the shitty day. But just because you did that in that moment doesn't mean that you're a terrible person; because you aren't, you're an amazing person." Brian said reassuringly.
"No, I am not. I'm awful." You sobbed still burying your head in his stomach and wrapping your arms around him.
"Alright, enough. Come with me." Brian said kind of bossy and he tried to stand up.
You moved and he stood up and handed his hand, so you took his hand as you were looking at him frowning in confusion. He helped you to stand up and he started walking holding hands with you. What was he doing?
"Why are we going to the bathroom?" You asked confused, wiping your tears away.
Brian didn't answer. He only led you to the bathroom in silence. Once you were there, he closed the door. You couldn't understand what he was doing, this was weird. But when he closed the door, you noticed there was a large mirror in the back of the door. He forced you to stand in front of the mirror and he stood behind you, placing his hands on your waist.
"Look at you." He said in a whisper, looking at you through the mirror.
"Why are we doing this? This is weird." You asked still confused, frowning.
"Just look at you and don't say anything." He whispered again, looking straight in your eye reflected on the mirror.
You did what he said and you started to look at yourself in the mirror. You still didn't know why Brian wanted you to do this, so yeah, you just looked the way you were dressed and how haggard your face looked because of the crying. Damn, you actually looked terrible.
"I see a beautiful girl there." Brian whispered, still looking at your reflection in the mirror and you frowned.
"I look like Helena Bonham Carter in Sweeney Todd and she even looks better than me." You answered and Brian chuckled softly.
"Your occurrences impress me." He said softly and you smiled slightly.
Then Brian wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on your shoulder and looked into the reflection of your eyes in the mirror. He stayed silent for a long time, just observing you as you were looking at him, also his reflection in the mirror. He was looking at you in a weird way, but it was a sweet way, maybe a friendly way. You placed your hands on his hands that were holding you and he gulped and shifted his gaze, making a weird grimace. But then he looked into your eyes again. It was weird to be there, just looking your figures in the mirror in silence. You still didn't know exactly what you were doing there.
"Look into your eyes and try to see what your eyes cannot see." Brian whispered in your ear after a while and you shivered because you weren't expecting him to talk. But you did what he said and you looked into your own eyes. "I see this pretty girl that looks sad right now, but only because her kind-hearted heart makes her think that she made a terrible mistake with someone. She thinks she is only hurting people and for that she feels as though she were a terrible person. But what she cannot notice is all the good she is making to people around her with her kindness, cheerfulness and loveliness. I see and I can feel all the sweetness and niceness she inspires to people. I can see a girl that always cares about others without expecting anything in return; a girl that does it because she dreams with a better world and because she believes in the power that a smile, a hug, and a nice gesture have that can turn someone's life for better." Brian kept whispering in your ear in a very sweet way as you started shedding some tears in silence, still looking into your own eyes. "I see a humble girl that is all the time trying to be a better person, more than she already is; but she constantly feels frustrated because she's too hard on herself. If only she could see how lovely she is..." Brian whispered in your ear.
You noticed he closed his eyes as he nuzzled his nose in your neck, something that made you shiver. Anyway, you didn't move, you kept staring your reflection in the mirror, still shedding tears. What he was saying was very thrilling for you and you were feeling moved. Then he opened his eyes again and looked at you again, this time he had a twinkle in his green eyes.
"And I wish I could tell her that I..." He started whispering with cracked voice and that was weird. Brian almost never cried. Then he gulped and shook his head. "I wish I could tell her..." He repeated with the same cracked voice.
Apparently he was having troubles to say something, but you didn't say anything, you were just listening. He looked down for a while, biting his lower lip and frowning. Maybe he wanted to say something important and sweet and this was hard for him, because usually he had troubles to say sweet things; you didn't know why, though. Then he sighed and looked into your eyes again.
"I wish I could tell her and make her realize that only her presence can turn someone's life without even the need of talking. Because she's that, she's inspiration. Even if she doesn't believe it; people who know her know that she is perfect, even with her flaws and mistakes." Brian whispered softly and smiled sweetly before kissing your cheek.
You looked at Brian's reflection in the mirror and smiled fondly at him while tears were still streaming down your face; but those weren't sad tears as before. You were really moved at his words. You turned around and you hugged him tightly, burying your head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around you and kissed your head. His heart was beating fast, just as yours; maybe he was also moved. He caressed your hair very smoothly as he rested his head on yours.
"Thank you a lot, Bri. Thank you." You said in all honesty, still burying your head on his chest and hugging him tightly.
You broke the hug to look into his eyes and you caressed his cheek softly, with a fond smile. He only looked intensely into your eyes with his green and deep eyes; there was something weird in his eyes, maybe it was that twinkle you never saw before. You smiled at him and he smiled back, slightly.
"Thank you, for all you said." You said softly, still caressing his cheek. "What would I do without you?" You said chuckling softly and hugged him again. "You know? You'd be the perfect boyfriend for me." You tried to joke, but Brian only giggled nervously, as if he was uncomfortable with that comment. Maybe he believed it and he didn't like it. "You know, that was a joke. You're my best friend and I wouldn't change you for anything in the world."
"It's fine... You are... You're my best friend too and I wouldn't change you for anything in this world. Never." He whispered.
"I love you, Bri." You said with a smile, still hugging him.
"I... I love... I love you too." He babbled and then he kissed your head. You smiled a bit amused because Brian wasn't used to say those things, but you were glad he said that because it was what you needed to hear from your best friend. "What? Why are you smiling and looking at me that way?" He asked suspiciously when he saw you.
"Nothing, it's just nice to hear you saying that. It's not something I get to hear every day." You answered still smiling a bit amused.
"Well, do not get used at it." He said frowning but then he giggled softly. "Well, now I think we can come back to the living room."
"Yeah, okay." You said smiling softly, wrapping an arm around him. Brian just looked at you. "What?"
"Nothing... Just, are we supposed to walk like this to the living room?" He asked with an amused smile now.
"Yes, I'm forcing you and I force you to wrap an arm around me." You said bossy, grabbing his arm and wrapping it around you.
"Okay, boss, at your command." He said jokingly and you laughed.
Brian and you sat on the couch again and this time you sat very close to him, resting your head on his shoulder as you forced him to wrap an arm behind you. You knew he was never comfortable with this, but it was as if you needed a bit affection lately; so he apparently understood and he let you do all of those things. Somehow, he always could find the way to understand you and comfort you. So he was now caressing softly your shoulder with his thumb, in silence.
"Brian, you know? I just don't know if I can be friends with Darren again, even if he's telling the truth, even if he's nice and all... I just don't know if I can be his friend." You said thoughtful.
"What do you mean? Please, tell me the truth. Do you still feel something for him?" Brian said now looking at you.
"No. No, I don't feel anything for him." You replied shaking your head, frankly. "I just don't know if I can be friends with him, like... I don't know, everything is different now. It doesn't feel like before, not even like when we were only friends in high school." You said almost in a whisper.
"Well, of course; you changed and he changed, you both grew up. But why would it avoid being friends with him?" He asked curiously.
"Because I can't avoid thinking all the time about all the things he did to me, the way he made me feel when he left me. I try; and I try to be nice to him, but somehow I can't." You answered frowning. "It's like sometimes the littlest thing in life changes something forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just can't because things have changed so much." You said and Brian looked at you frowning in silence for a while.
"Sunny, can you leave it all behind? Cause you can't go back. Just because someone messes up once doesn't mean that within time they can't find a way to change for the better. So leave it behind, all the things he has done, and give him a chance to show you the way he is now; maybe Darren has changed for the better." Brian said serious, looking at you.
"Yes, but... I..." You started saying frustrated.
"Yes, I know this is hard for you. But you have to believe that he's good at heart just as the same way you believe that everybody is good at heart, despite everything. That is one of the best things of you; do not change that because of Darren." Brian said softly. "And I know you're confused and I understand you're acting in a way you aren't and that is not because you've changed and you're now a bad person and you hate it. No. You're acting like that because you're scared, so you try to put distance between people, and that is what you're doing with Darren. And let me ask you; of what are you so scared?"
"I'm scared that I can fall in love with him again and I don't want it." You confessed with teary voice. Brian looked at you stunned and he gulped. He looked down for a while and then he looked at you again, and this time he held your hands.
"And if you fall in love with him again, you'll fall for him and that's it. If you fall for him again, that's because you finally realized that at the end he's worth your love; because I know you aren't so dumb to fall for a guy who is an ass. Don't be scared for that; be scared of not loving anyone ever. That's scary." Brian said looking deeply into your eyes, still holding your hands. "Besides, if you close yourself when he's around, you'll never know what's going to happen. Maybe you're gonna fall for him again because he's a good guy and he makes you feel good; or maybe none of that is gonna happen and you could maybe have a new friend because you indeed don't feel anything for him and he doesn't feel anything for you. But you won't know it if you keep being scared. And being scared is hurting you."
"Yes, I guess you're right." You said shrugging, looking down.
"Hey, come on, change your face." Brian said softly, lifting your chin so you could look at him. "Listen, I promise that if you stop being scared, everything will be fine. Maybe you'll find out that Darren is the one for you; maybe you'll find out that he's a good guy but just as a friend; or maybe he's gonna hurt you. But in case that comes to happen, you know that you'll always have someone who's gonna make you coffee with cinnamon, will give you chip cookies, will lend you a shoulder to cry on and is gonna try the best to comfort you; and that person is me, your best friend." He said encouragingly, smiling kindly. You looked at him with tenderness.
"Why are you always so sweet with me?" You asked hugging him tightly.
"Isn't it obvious?" Brian replied in a whisper and then he sighed.
You broke the hug to look at him frowning. He was looking deeply into your eyes, in that weird way.