Teenage Dream

by Lucy Samb

You/ Darren Criss fanfic. The story is about your life with Darren in high school, college and professional life among friendship,love,fights,comings and goings and how you both go through serious stuff such as bullying,suicide,discrimination and life itself. It starts when you meet Darren, a guy of your school in St. Ignatius College Preparatory who never noticed you, a loser.

41. You were never

A/N: Hi everybody! How are you all doing today? As I promised, I'm updating also on Saturday as I promised. I'm glad you liked the unexpected update! Hey guys, have you all signed up on Darren's website for his big announcement? I think we all know what his big announcement is, but still! Now, back to the story... I think, considering what I read in the reviews in general, that we have like two teams now, you can call it Team Darren and Team Brian. Yes, that's right. Some of you ship Freckles/Darren and some of you Freckles/Brian; and some of you had suspicions about this. Well, I told you things were going to get more complicated! Could this be a love triangle? I don't know, it's time to see if Brian likes Freckles indeed or if he was just being a good best friend. Anyway! This chapter is kind of special, because in this chapter, for the very first time, you'll get Brian's point of view; so you'll find out what's in his mind! This doesn't mean that from now on you'll get always Brian's pov; no, you'll get it only in special moments. I don't know, I found interesting that you could read his point of view, as a way to know more about him because you don't know that much about him and his character will play like an important role in the story. Let me know what you think! A warning for this chapter is that it contains a lot of drama, but maybe also funny things, so I hope you can enjoy it! Alright, those are the announcements I wanted to say. Now I can start replying you!

MeMi83: Don't worry you couldn't review before, it's alright, I totally understand that you were busy! So, don't feel bad, seriously! I do have Twitter! Find me as lucysamb! I'd like to follow you, so let me know it's you! I must warn you that I don't use it too often, though! Well, about Brian: I'm glad you liked to find out more things about him because you'll find out more things about him in this chapter, so I hope you like it. And yes, maybe he likes her! But what way does he like her? Brian is quite a complex character and you'll find it out within time. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this new chapter despite the oh so beloved drama. Now, I'm sending you tons of virtual chocolate ice cream and unicorn colorful sparkles!

AnSofiekeeeh: haha I'm glad you liked the surprise update! I was thinking that maybe, if I write the enough as I should be doing but I'm not doing, I could make some of those unexpected updates from time to time. Now I really hope you can enjoy this new update!

Guest: You're very welcome! Thank you a lot for considering the last chapter as sweet besides it was kind of sad! I'm glad you did! I'm dramatic, but I like to write sweet things too, after all, very deep in my heart I'm corny! Yes, maybe Brian's feelings are very obvious! Very. But you still have to find out what kind of love he feels for her, and you'll find it out within different chapters. I think you aren't the only one who thought Brian was in love (maybe, maybe not) with her. But maybe you're the first one who thinks this since the high school chapters! And you were right, you'll find out with time if you're wrong or right! What would you like to read, though? haha I'm intrigued, I always am!

Vicky: Do you really think it was sweet? Thanks! haha the joke about Medusa! I will be honest and I'll admit that Blaine inspired me to write it, I took it from the prom episode of the 3th season. Yes, Freckles was kind of cruel when she acted that way around Darren but at least she realized and admitted it. Uh, Darren forgetting Freckles? Let's see if it works or not, maybe some things will happen in this chapter and you'll know more about Joey's way to help him in the next chapter. Brian loves Freckles? Or he likes her? Does he likes her as a friend or more than that? Ah! haha, you'll understand his whole feelings within several chapters. Did you know it from the start? Maybe he was obvious. Thing is that maybe this will complicate everything. Embrace the drama, Vicky!

Emma: This is your first review, I think, so first off let me thank you for reading my silly dramatic story! I'm glad you do and I hope I can make you feel interested enough to keep reading it! Thanks for saying I'm a good writer! I'm not a writer, though! I'm just a fangirl writing stuff about Darren because somehow I want to write down the imagination in my mind (imagination that everybody has) and share it with you! Also thanks for saying I'm doing a good job despite my hideous grammar mistakes because english is not my first language. It's always so hard for me and I often feel ashamed of it. I wish I could have a sort of translator to avoid those embarrassing grammar mistakes! haha. Someday and somehow I'll learn how to write it properly and stop making a fool of myself! Seriously, I have a problem with that because I hate reading grammar mistakes in spanish (my first language), so I think it's the same for you. I'd love updating every Wednesday from now on, but unfortunately I can't do that! That's because I don't have much time to write because I'm in college doing my final thesis and it demands me a lot of time. But what I can do is to update one Wednesday a month, as a surprise! Maybe I can do it if I find inspiration and start writing again (lately I'm lazy). Anyway, thank you a lot for your words and I really wish you like this story! San Francisco? Ah! What a wonderful place and more knowing Darren is from there! Well, lots of love from Argentina, Emma!

alicegursk: Yes! It was sad for me too writing about Darren crying with his heart broken! Like no matter what people believe, I know boys cry too! Because I feel remorseful, I promise I'll bring a glue to mend your broken heart! We can stick it! And maybe, eventually, you'll have a happy heart when you get to read something sweet on this story! But, sadly, eventually. With time they'll be happy together, I guess, but maybe not in a very conventional way! You said it, I said it, I'm an insane woman drama queen! First I have to talk to the FBI so they will get me Darren's number, or I'll have to blackmail him! What option is better? Make sure to provide him lots of Minute Maid apple juice and also some fun times! ;)

Vcriss: You're very welcome! I hope you enjoyed it! Now that you mention it, maybe I agree with you, maybe Freckles is acting like Kurt, like ignoring Blaine or Darren in this case. I didn't even notice that I was writing it as if it was Kurt and Blaine! I didn't know that Klaine was getting married! Yes, I read something about a ring, but I always thought it was symbolic! I mean, it's kind of weird that Blaine is gonna propose Kurt considering their actual relationship. Maybe it's fate as you said, but still it's weird. Yes! Brian likes Freckles, let's see what way. I also think it's cute (you surely think this is weird from me to say because I'm the writer). I ship Freckles and Brian; I love them when they're together. But Freckles and Darren are my OTP; after all, this whole story is about them, right?

amritsoomal: I did miss you! For a moment I thought you weren't reading this anymore! Ouch! Exams time, I fully understand. They're a pain in the ass and always make you have so little free time. How was it? If you didn't do them yet, I wish you good luck! Poor Brian! Do not hate him; he's not a bad guy like the bitch of Kelly is. I don't wanna be virtually slapped, so I'll say that Brian wasn't trying to say that to Freckles; it may or may not be true. Anyway, I won't spoil you anything and I'll let you find out within time what Brian feels or not for her. I haven't thought about Kelly being related to Freckles, but it'd have been interesting! As you said, to fuck with people's brains! haha. Maybe someday Freckles will meet Kelly, though. And... There's something behind Kelly. About Freckles and Darren, my lovely ones, their relationship will be complicated, sometimes for good sometimes not; and maybe, possibly, they'll fall for each other again. But things may happen in between. Is the teacher really related to Jim? There's something that anyone knows yet about this whole thing, something I'll keep as a mystery! Oh yeah, you'll know who Joey's hook up was, but you'll have to wait a lot of time to find it out. Are you thinking about someone in particular? Don't worries about rambling, I also always do it! And it's really amazing the fact you assume things because of your active imagination, so don't you dare to be sorry for that! I love when you assume things! Okay happy bunny, I hope you enjoy this chapter as soon as you get the chance to do it! Good luck with your exams!

Nicole: Thank you for the virtual cookie and the unexpected but great redvines, draco-nicole! I'll share them with you and Dora if you find her again! haha will your craziness win you? I'll cast some spells so you'll be able to be patient! I hope it works! Don't worry about typing curses, because as you surely noticed, I curse a lot and I like it for some odd reason. I'll help you to virtually punch Kelly! Maybe her story is a good one, or maybe is bad one, or maybe it's just complicated and it'll be up to the readers' opinion. But other things will happen before you get to know her story! It was really sad to write about Darren crying, because I guess it's sad to see a boy crying since we don't get to see it too often. He really cares about her, don't you think? Anyway, this eventually will get better for him. Ah! Love triangles! I always wanted to write about it. But maybe this is not a love triangle, or yes. I'll tell you a secret: I ship Freckles and Brian; but I may or may not write something about them. Anyway, Darren and Freckles will always be my OTP because this is their story! Does this remind you to Klaine? You're the second person who tells me so! Maybe I was thinking about them while writing, I have no idea! I didn't know they were getting married! I did know about the ring and proposal, but not about the marriage! I love it, but I gotta admit it's weird considering how their relationship is right now! I hope things work out for them. And let me tell you something: I remember...Fuck that year! Slytherdor! haha oh gosh, this made laugh like a goofball! Are you a Slytherine on Pottermore? I'm a Hufflepuff (what the hell is a Hufflepuff?). Butterfly kisses and hugs, my so-reviewer draco-nicole!

Caroline Boeira: Caroline, really, don't worry! I missed you, but I completely understand you were busy. I think this is a crazy and absurdly busy time for all of us! So you're forgiven and don't apologize for it again! Yes, maybe Brian likes Freckles, you'll find out more things about Brian in the next chapters. And maybe yes, maybe it's gonna be a little bit crazy! Ah, maybe it'll be a love triangle, maybe it'll be just a relationship of best friends or maybe none of the two options. Surprise! haha. Freckles is pretty confusing, hell yeah; maybe she's bipolar, who knows? Nah, I think she has serious troubles, maybe something she's keeping inside. This could complicate things. I know! It was sad to write Darren's feelings, to write how sad and heartbroken he was feeling. I kinda admire your mom now; my mom cannot even send a text message. Okay yeah, she can, but she's not so used at it, I can't get why. So I find it kind of funny the way your mom sends texts messages! haha I wish I could have a crazy family, I bet it must be cool. Maybe you can call it my wicked drama! Ah! Yes it is very wicked. My mind's fault, I must to clear up. It's good to know that you missed it, because I missed it too and the next chapters will be full of drama. Of course I'll write some funny or sweet things here and there, but drama in all its levels will be the priority! Haha.

GleeKof1: Oh, I can tell someone really likes Brian! I like Brian too, he's sweet and cute. Just wait to get to know more about Brian and let's see if you keep thinking the way you think now. Do you want me to make Freckles fall in love with him? Does this mean you ship Freckles/Brian instead Freckles/Darren? Well, I don't know if that is what you meant (I tend to misinterpret things), but somehow I assumed it when you said they're adorkable, you wanted someone like Brian and you wanted Freckles to fall for him! Ah, things will happen between Freckles and Brian, but I won't spoil what kind of things will happen between them. But for sure Brian starts being an important character in the story for different reasons, so from now on you'll get a lot of Brian. Maybe I'll consider updating one Wednesday a month, as a surprise! So at least once a month you'll get something to look forward to during hard weeks!

Mockingjay-Potterhead-9: For everything related to sports I'm clumsy and stupid. My friends always joke about it. I'd really like if you become my teacher! You'll have to be a very patient one and deal with my fears! haha I'm like a little kid scared while doing things I've never done before. Since you were only two years old? Oh my god! You were so little! It's amazing, though! I bet is one of the most wonderful things to do, skiing. My unicorn is fine, but he's reluctant to learn to be as a real unicorn prince, he's a kind of a dork! I had to scold him several times, I don't know what's wrong with him, I bet he has a secret he hasn't told me yet. But he's friendly and cute; I know he wants to meet your unicorn! So I'm also positive they will fall in love! If I can (for some odd reason I can't post links) I'll send you a picture of Sparkles so you can show it to your unicorn! I do have one more book that it's excellent and I forgot to tell you. This book made me cry like an idiot, and I almost never cry with books, so go figure. I don't know if you're gonna get it, but it's called 'My sweet-orange tree' by Jose Mauro De Vasconcelos. It's one of the most touching books I've ever read. Well, the books I recommended are very different genres, and some of them are hard to read! But italian is cool! Actually italian is very similar to spanish. So, if you ever want to learn at least few words, don't doubt to ask me! I'm from Argentina, it's in Latin America. Oh Harry Potter! How would I forget about them? They're my favorites too. I remember I read each book in four days. They're my childhood/adolescence! Harry Potter is like everything and I'm in love with the books, not so much the movies, the books are truly amazing! The Help is such a great book! It's very touching and it's kind of a heartbreaking story. It's good mainly because it shows a reality that happened. You are wise with your elections! Well now to the story, so you have been suspecting that Brian was into Freckles, eh? Maybe you were right; you'll find it out in this chapter and more in the next chapters. It'll be complicated, what do you think? And yes, as the one who's writing this, it was sad to write Darren's feelings. And I completely loved your opinion about this. It's kind of unfair that everywhere everybody shows how women suffer and are heartbroken and cry their heart out. But men also suffer, they also feel heartbroken and they also cry; I witnessed this with some of my male friends and even my boyfriend. And it's really heartrending to see a boy crying, it's sadder to see a guy crying than a girl crying; and I think it's like that because of this absurd prejudice we all have that boys are supposed to be strong, not sensitive and people who never cry. It's ridiculous. They don't show it, but they can feel weak, meek and they also struggle with these kinds of situations, they also can feel their heart broken. So thank you for appreciating it! Did you really like what Freckles wrote about the picture and the rain? I thought it wasn't good, like it was kind of... I don't know how to call it... lame? Or poor? I don't know! So you made me smile when you mentioned you liked it. Oh gosh, I'm talking too much and I'm surely boring you and I should totally let you read this chapter! I'm sorry!

Okay guys, that was all for today! I really hope you can enjoy this new chapter. Let me know what you think about this, be nice, be cruel, be sweet, be harsh, be as you want to be! Vent it all! Alright, I'll stop. I wish you all a super duper awesome week full of Darren's curls that have the cure for cancer! Until next week!

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Teenage Dream – Chapter 41 – You were never.

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"Brian? Why did you say that?" You asked looking at him a bit suspicious because of the weird way he was looking at you.

He looked at you a bit nervous now, looking away and moving his lips without uttering a word. Why was acting so weird? Then you remembered it. He also was having troubles and maybe he also needed affection like you, but he was ashamed to ask for it because he wasn't used to show his feelings. Surely it was that.

"Well, because it's obvious... I mean, you're my best friend. Of course I'll be nice to you." He answered slurring his words and you looked at him fixedly.

"You know, Brian? There's nothing wrong with showing your feelings." You said gently, holding one of his hands. He looked at the hand you were holding for a while. He was still nervous.

"I... I don't know why... I don't know why you're mentioning that..." He said still nervous. His voice was trembling. So you were sure he was like this because of the troubles he was having.

"Just because of that... There's nothing wrong if you're feeling bad or stressed about something. You should tell me what's happening. It's me, Brian, you shouldn't be ashamed. Just tell me that you want to tell me but you don't know how." You said looking fixedly into his eyes, still holding his hand. He was looking at you nervously, and he gulped.

"I... I don't know how to... I mean... I can't do that." Brian said very nervously, looking at you. You didn't say anything; you just remained looking at him fixedly; so then he sighed. "Sunny, I'm in..."

"You're in troubles, right?" You said when you noticed he couldn't talk, so maybe you could help him to say it. He looked at you agape and a bit terrified. Why? "You're in troubles but you don't know how to say it to me, right? Is it about your roommate?"

"Yeah! That!" He exclaimed absurdly loudly, with his eyes wide open. "Yeah, it's about my roommate..." He said in a whisper and looking away now.

"Bri, you know you can talk to me about it. You shouldn't feel ashamed of showing me how you feel about that." You said softly, looking at him. "I'd like to know what's worrying you."

"Yeah, well, I don't wanna worry you with this stuff." Brian said still looking away.

"Hey, Bri; you're gonna worry me if you don't tell me." You said gently and he kept looking away. "And please, look at me." You said softly and he did so.

Brian had sad eyes now and you started feeling guilty because of that, because you remembered Darren's sad eyes. Enough. This was about Brian, your best friend who was going through a bad moment; it wasn't time to think about Darren, it was ridiculous.

"Can you tell me, please?" You begged softly and he sighed.

"We had a dispute and he just left. That's why I couldn't talk to you this morning." Brian answered, looking down again.

You moved closer to him and you wrapped your arms around him, resting your head on his chest and looking up to see his eyes. You knew that most probably he needed this, even if he wouldn't say it. He held you in his arms, but he kept looking away.

"But a dispute about what?"

"Well, it was because I couldn't pay my part of the rent and food the last two months, you know. So he was tired of it and yeah... he left." Brian said gloomy, biting his lower lip and frowning. "I tried to tell him that I was going to repay him his money, but that I couldn't pay it for now; but he refused to believe it."

"I don't understand." You said frowning in confusion. "Why wouldn't he believe you? I thought you guys were friends. And why couldn't you pay your part? I mean, I thought your dad was promoted in his current job."

"Well yeah, apparently we weren't friends as I thought. He just didn't believe it, he said that I was being unrealistic and... Whatever." He said frowning, apparently feeling distressed but also disgusted. "And there's no current job anymore, Sunny. That's why I couldn't pay for it. I'm trying to look for a job, you know, but..."

"Wait, wait, wait!" You exclaimed aghast, now sitting upright as Brian kept placing his hands on your waist. He was looking down sadly. "How's that there's no current job? What are you trying to say?"

"My dad got fired, Sunny." Brian replied distressed and you looked at him thunderstruck.

"Why haven't you told me?" You asked loudly, feeling upset with yourself because you never asked him how his dad was doing, but also a bit upset with Brian because he should have told you.

"Because I didn't want to worry you. You were already way too stressed with this thing of Darren and all... I just didn't want to worry you." Brian replied softly.

"Screw Darren, Brian! This is super important, you should've told me!" You exclaimed loudly, almost yelling. Damn, you were all the time telling him stupid things about Darren while he was going through a real shitty situation.

"I'm so sorry." He said with cracked voice, now looking at you distressed.

He had teary eyes and he never had teary eyes and he never cried in front of you, so he was indeed feeling bad. Now you felt guilty for having yelled at him, so you hugged him. He buried his head on your shoulder and you knew he was silently crying because you felt the tears on your shoulder. You caressed his soft straight hair and you rubbed his back to reassure him.

"It's okay, Bri. I was just surprised by the news. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to treat you bad." You whispered softly, still caressing his hair; but he was still crying silently. "But how come this happened? Your dad was recently promoted, I do not understand."

"It was because of his Parkinson's disease." He replied with teary voice, still with his head on your shoulder. You knew he didn't want you to see him crying, so you let him doing that. "His disease is getting worse and the medicines aren't having effects, even if the doctors are trying their best. The tremors, the difficulty maintaining balance and gait, the stiffness of the limbs and trunk, and the slowness of movement are getting worse and he began to have difficulty walking, talking, and completing other simple tasks. So, at his work he was having difficulty using a keyboard, writing, manipulating manuals, and filing, besides having difficulty communicating effectively. So his boss told him that he couldn't perform his job satisfactorily and also told him that he had an obligation to keep the business running, so he just fired my dad because he wasn't useful." He said crying and you were feeling really anguished and mad because of all of that. "You know, he's trying to get another job, but it's being really hard because of his disease. And the medicines are very expensive and he can't afford it all: the medicines, the special food he has to eat, the rent and bills of our home; and in addition to that, there's the rent and food for me for college. It's too much! And I'm looking for a job here, but it's hard to find one and... And maybe I'll have to drop out college until everything stabilizes." Brian said crying and his whole body was shaking. When you heard his words, you shocked.

"What? No, don't you dare, Brian! No!" You exclaimed disconcerted because of all the things he said. It was a bunch of terrible news.

"I'll try my best to find a job, but I think there aren't many chances. Even if I find a job it'll be a part-time job and I won't earn all the money I need to afford all of the things: college expenses and the cost of medicine for my dad. I can't..." Brian said trying to control his crying, but he couldn't and it was reasonable because this was really terrible.

You were really shocked but you tried to think and reason everything. So then you moved away to look into his eyes; he refused at first and tried to look down, but you lifted his chin softly. When you finally could look into his eyes, it was heartbreaking. His usual happy green eyes were now depressed green eyes and he wouldn't stop crying silently. Whoa, you never saw him crying this way, it was very distressing. You held his hands and you squeezed them while still looking into his eyes.

"Listen to me, Bri. You're gonna get over this and you'll see that sooner or later everything is gonna be fine, I believe it." You said firmly and he shook his head, trying to look away, but you softly turned his head again so he would remain looking at you. "If you cannot afford all of that because neither your dad nor you can find a job, then I'll help you."

"No..." He murmured weakly, looking down.

"Yes, I will." You said firmly, lifting his chin again. "If you can't pay the rent of this room and you can't pay the food; then I'll move here and I'll pay all of that stuff. After all, we were going to share the same room and now it's the right time to do it."

"No, do you really think I'll let you pay everything? No. Sunny, please, don't make this harder." He said with choked voice. Damn, his voice was so distressing.

"I don't care if you'll let me doing that or not. I will do it anyway and will do it gladly. Brian, I won't let you dropout college. And I have the money to pay for all of that, so I'm gonna do it and I won't let you repay me, even if you insist. And if you ever find a job, anyway I won't let you pay anything; you'll give that money to your dad for his medicines and the rent and bills." You said firmly and roundly.

"No, Sunny, no." He refused strongly, still shaking his head.

"Brian, listen to me! I have the possibility to do this, so I'm gonna do this, want it or not. I'll move here and I'll pay everything and I don't want you to refuse, because you know I'll do it for you anyway; you know that I'll do everything for you. Because I love you and I want the best for you and I know this is the best for you and surely your dad will think this is the best for you too. Wouldn't you like to see your dad proud of his son who could make it in the roughest times to get his degree?" You asked looking into his eyes and he sobbed even more, biting his lower lip.

"That's the most I want." He said with cracked voice.

"Then you'll make him proud. Let me help you, Brian, please. I want to help you because I love you and I'm not one of those people who walk away from the loved people when things get rough. I want to do this but I don't want to make you think I'm forced to do this, because I'm not. I want you to stay and accept my help that is the farthest of being a burden. I'll do it because I really, really want the best for you and also because I wouldn't be able to be away from you. Please, Brian, please." You begged and grabbed both of his cheeks, looking at him deeply and desperately into his eyes. "I love you Brian, so do not refuse this." You whispered still grabbing his cheeks and looking deeply into his sad green eyes.

He looked at you for a long time in silence, tears were still streaming down his face and this was really heartrending. You couldn't stand seeing him so broken. He didn't say anything at all, but he kept looking mournfully into your eyes while crying. And then it happened something you weren't expecting at all. He closed his eyes, leaned and kissed your lips. Your heart skipped a beat because of the surprise and shock; you were thunderstruck. You moved away your hands from his cheeks and this was when he stopped kissing you and moved away. You looked at him agape and aghast. He looked at you disturbed and abashed. You frowned and looked down, feeling too in shock to do or say something. He started muttering weird sounds and then he sighed and shook his head. He was now also frowning and looking down, also biting his lower lip. You looked up at him befuddled and really confused.

"I'm so sorry... I... I didn't want... It's just... I'm so sorry." He murmured still looking down, shaking his head and shedding tears. "Please forgive me, I didn't want..." He said covering his face now. You looked at him distressed but still aghast.

"It's alright, Bri." You finally said and you hugged him. He buried his face on your chest as you caressed his hair. "It's alright, I understand you didn't want to do it; I understand that it was a reaction because you were feeling bad and you needed a bit of affection and I was the closest person. I understand, it happens. Do not feel bad, I know we're best friends and what recently happened doesn't change it." You whispered while still caressing his hair reassuringly. Geez, your best friend was really feeling so miserable. "It's okay, Bri." You whispered kindly and you kissed his head, but he didn't stop crying.

"I'm so sorry; I can't believe I did that. I'm a total douchebag." He said still crying.

"Hey, stop, Brian! You're not a douchebag! Only because you kissed me? Well, forget that! It happens to everybody when we feel confused and loveless because of something terrible that is happening; so we try to find comfort with the nearest person in different ways. I understand that, Brian. You're not a douchebag, so stop saying that." You said very firmly.

"I am! You were being nice to me and there I blew it! I just... Oh my god, I'm just not feeling okay." He said moving away from you and looking away, propping his forehead in his hand.

You looked at him distressed. He never ever admitted loudly that he wasn't okay, so this was really bad. Yes, you were still shocked for what he did, but you could understand that it wasn't intentional. And you didn't like to see him feeling bad and broken for his economic situation and in addition to that, feeling guilty because of that unexpected kiss. He was never sad; he was always that cheerful person and usually it was always him the one who was always trying to make you smile. This was breaking your heart and more knowing that he wasn't doing right since a long time while you were all the time talking about Darren and stupid things. You moved closer and kissed his cheek. He looked at you anguished and guiltily.

"I forgive you, Brian. It was nothing; it doesn't change anything, really. Please, I want to make you smile again." You said sweetly, caressing his cheek and still looking at him distressed.

"Don't worry about me, I'll get better eventually. See? This is why I didn't want to tell you; I didn't want to make you feel bad." He said looking away, frowning and wiping away his tears. "You have your own problems; I shouldn't bother you with mine."

"What are you saying, Brian?" You asked in disbelief. "This is not a bother for me and my problems are very silly compared to this. I'm glad you told me, Brian. You're always there for me when I need you; I want to be there for you too. So, do not say again something like that. Please, promise me that you'll tell me when you feel bad, when you need me; promise me that you'll tell me everything." You begged softly and he looked at you with sad eyes, but now there was a twinkle in his eyes, as if he was thankful.

"I promise." He whispered weakly. "Thank you, Sunny, for doing this for me. Thank you; I don't know what I'd do... I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you... Sunny..." He said weeping again and you hugged him.

"Do not thank me. And you have me and you'll always have me. I got you, Brian." You whispered reassuringly. "Please, let me see you smiling again." You said and you broke the hug to look at him. He, in between tears, smiled faintly for you. "I love you; you know that right?"

"I know, and I love you back." He said and this time he was the one who hugged you. "You're one of the best things I have, I hope you know that." He whispered in your ear.

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"Darren, dude, what were you doing last night? Haven't you slept at all?" Joey asked frowning when he got up.

"Hmm, no I haven't slept. There's coffee over there if you want." I said still writing.

"What are you doing? Are you still with that shit? What is that?" He asked curiously.

"Nothing." I replied trying to focus on this.

"Let me see your 'nothing' project." He said walking to me and I quickly hid it.

"No, it's something private."

"Is it something private? What shit is that?"

"Stop it, man. I'll show it someday, but it's not even finished."

"You see? This is bad; this is very, very bad!"

"What? What's bad?" I asked frowning, looking at him confused.

"I thought that you were going to face this problem with Freckles in a positive way but no! There you are, spending a sleepless night; surely writing shit about her! This is something serious, dude." Joey exclaimed loudly.

"It's not like that." I replied annoyed.

"What? Are you gonna deny that what you're writing is something about Freckles?" He asked almost provocatively. I just looked away and didn't say anything at all. Yes, it was something for Freckles. "See? I knew it! This is bad, dude, really."

"Stop it, Joey. It's not even a lovely thing or whatever. It's a song, okay? I'm writing a song."

"Can I see it, then?"

"No! When I finish it, maybe I'll let you read it. But not now." I answered determined.

"Whatever, man." Joey said shaking his head and poured coffee in his mug.

"Hey, Joey, really. I'm not doing bad anymore; I already admitted the fact she's with another guy and I'm single and free and I can do the shit I want. I want to have fun, not to spend days crying because I don't have her; that would be ridiculous and pathetic. So, it's okay, man." I said sighing.

"Okay, if you say so..." Joey said raising an eyebrow and taking a sip of his coffee. "This is the worst coffee I've ever drank. Who made this coffee? Hagrid?" Joey asked making a grimace of disgust as I laughed out loud.

"Yeah, Hagrid came over here last night and he offered to make coffee; I couldn't refuse. That man is big, dude; it was scary." I said jokingly.

"Yeah, well, next time do not open the door. I can't believe he make it to cross the door." Joey said frowning in confusion.

"He didn't cross the door, he just appeared here." I said shrugging, amused.

"I see, I was just trying to sound like a muggle, you know? You shouldn't say those things in this muggle world." Joey warned me and I just laughed.

"Right. Hey, what do you say if we go for some butter beers tonight? I feel like going out and partying hard." I proposed and Joey nodded thoughtful.

"Yeah, that could be a pretty good idea. We could go to Hogsmeade, I mean, downtown in the muggle vocabulary; and there we could go to The Hog's Head, I mean to the Blind Pig in the muggle vocabulary." Joey agreed and I laughed, shaking my head.

"Yeah, that sounds cool. We could pretend we're The Weird Sisters band and rock it with rock'n'magical songs, performing on a magically-appearing stage." I proposed excited.

"Totally, dude. We gotta find black torn robes to wear." Joey said also excited.

"Oh my wizard God! It's gonna be totally awesome!" I exclaimed loudly. "We're gonna rock the Yule Ball, I mean, the night! We'll cast some spells, with a flick of our wands, defeat the dark arts, yeah bring it on!"

"Yeah, man! Together we're totally awesome!" Joey exclaimed and gave me high five. "Okay, I'll tell the guys if they want to join us."

"Yeah, the more the merrier." I answered feeling excited. It's been a while since the last time I went to the Blind Pig.

Then my phone started buzzing and I checked it. It was an incoming call from Jen. I made Joey a gesture that I had to pick up the call and when he nodded, I walked to the bedroom, closing the door behind me.

"Jenny! What a surprise!" I greeted her cheerfully.

"Oh well, you don't seem so down." Jen said.

"Is that you way of greeting me, Jennifer?"

"Hey, Darren! How are you? Hey, listen buddy, I was worried because you sent me a text message last night and you seemed to be really down. Can you explain me what happened?" Jen said really quickly and I giggled softly. "What are you laughing? You really don't seem to be down."

"I am not. I was, but I'm not anymore." I replied a bit indifferently.

"You know? Sometimes I really don't understand you." Jen said sighing.

"I know you do."

"Sometimes... Whatever, what happened? I wanna know anyway." Jen asked curious.

"Umm well, let's say that... Yesterday I was having a really shitty day." I answered.

"Yes, and?" Jen insisted.

"Ugh, I can't tell this on the phone."

"Come on!" She demanded in a bossy way.

"Jeez! Fine!" I exclaimed surprised.

So I started telling Jen all that happened since yesterday morning. She already knew what happened with me and Freckles when we were in Munising, so surely she wasn't going to understand why all of a sudden everything changed. I also couldn't understand it; but surely it was because I finally realized that Freckles wasn't the same as always and I didn't like so much this new Freckles by the way she acted with me yesterday. So I told her everything and after that, she remained silent for a long time.

"You knew she was changed, Darren. But maybe you overreacted because you were feeling sensitive in that moment, Darren. Maybe it wasn't as you're describing."

"Jen, I tried to be objective there. I described you exactly what happened. She just wasn't interested on what I had to say. And she wouldn't stop texting her new boyfriend."

"Are you very sure that Noah is her boyfriend? I mean, did she mention something about a boyfriend?"

"Umm... No. But Jenny, come on, the text message said sexy girl. Of course he is her boyfriend."

"First of all, I call you sexy boy sometimes, Darren, and we're just friends; just as you sometimes call your friends sexy, both male and female friends. Yet, you're only friends. So you really don't know if Noah is her boyfriend or not. And then, I really think you overreacted; I don't know, you told me she was super cool when you talked to her in Munising. So, she couldn't have changed in a few weeks; you were having a shitty day and maybe she was worried about something in that moment, Darren."

"No, Jen. Do you know what happened? I realized that when we were in Munising, I was still seeing her as the Freckles I knew, as the Freckles with who I fell in love. And yesterday I finally got to see the real new Freckles. And I don't even like her, I don't like the way she is now and I'm not even interested on being her friend. So that's it. Damn, I don't wanna talk about her anymore." I said annoyed.

"You're only trying to believe your own lie..."

"My own lie? That has no sense. My own lie? Really?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes, really. But do that if you want, Darren. You're 19 and soon you'll be 20; so you're old enough to do what you think is right or not." Jen answered sighing.

"Yeah, right..." I said, also sighing.

"However, I was also calling to tell you that I was planning to go to Ann Arbor in Thanksgiving holiday." Jen said and suddenly I felt really happy.

"Really? Oh my god, that's awesome! I really miss you, Jenny! You can stay at our room! Probably is time to move to a bigger room, as I want. Yes! Yes, you just made my day, Jenny!" I bounced in happiness and she giggled.

"Okay, do not get so excited! It's not sure yet, but that was the idea." Jen said but I could notice she was just as excited as I was.

"Okay, but you better come! You wouldn't like to disappoint me, would you?" I asked provocatively, but in a jokingly way.

"We'll see, Darren. But most probably I'll go there." She answered. "Okay, Darren, I have to hung up or I'm gonna be late for my next class."

"Okay, Jenny, take care and have fun with your journalist friends." I said laughing. "See you in Thanksgiving holiday!"

"Yes, see you by then! Take care, Dare." She said and then she hung up.

Man, I was so happy! I really wanted to see Jen again. Even though I had now totally awesome friends, Jen was going to be always my best friend and it was hard for me now that she was in Washington DC. I was so excited, I knew that also Joey was going to be excited about this because they were like friends. Oh, and this was the perfect excuse to move to another bigger room. Not that I minded sharing the same bedroom than Joey; but if we had separate bedrooms was going to be better, since Jen was going to be able to come more often, even my brother was going to be able to come over here. I was about to tell Joey this, but my phone buzzed again. Surely it was Jen that forgot to tell me something; she used to do those things after a phone conversation. So I answered the call without checking who it was.

"Jenny! What did you forget to say this time?" I asked amused when I answered the call.

"Umm... I'm not Jen..." A woman's voice said confused and a bit awkward: Freckles.

What the hell was this? Why was she calling me? How come she had my phone number? I didn't want to talk to her; I didn't want her to have my phone number. Damn, why was this happening? Right when I decided to take my mind off her. Of course, I didn't answer anything. I was both surprised and a bit upset.

"It's Freckles." She said softly. Duh, as if I didn't notice, genius. Anyway, I didn't say anything, so there was a short silence. "I asked Meredith if she could give me your number. I hope you don't mind." She said and again, I didn't answer. It was a long silence now. "Darren, are you there?"

"Yes." I answered curtly.

"Oh! You're so quiet, so I didn't know if you..."

"What do you want?" I interrupted her harshly.

"I just wanted to apologize." She said almost in a whisper. I just stayed silent. She was apologizing, so she maybe did it all on purpose. "It wasn't my intention to interrupt you while you were trying to talk to me about something. I'm sorry for that, it was wrong and improper, but I didn't do it on purpose. I hope you can forgive me."

"Yeah, whatever." I replied indifferently.

"Thanks, I guess. I was wondering if you'd like to meet me, so you can tell me what was going on with you and I promise not to act like a dumb this time." She said and I raised my eyebrow in disbelief.

"Oh, I don't think so. I really don't wanna talk to you and less after the way you acted yesterday. Yeah, I really don't wanna do that." I answered severely.

"I said I was sorry, Darren. I didn't do that on purpose..." She started saying.

"You know what? I'm busy and I have more important things to do than talking to you." I interrupted her harshly again and now she was the one who was silent. "So yeah, bye."

I didn't even wait for her response, I just hung up. I was really mad at this. I was mad at Meredith, why the heck did she give my phone number to Freckles? Why after what happened? Damn, I didn't care that Freckles was apologizing, I was sure that wasn't honest; I could tell that in her voice. And even if she really meant that, I didn't want to take her apology because I knew that sooner or later she was going to make me feel bad again and I didn't want to feel down again; I didn't want her to break my heart again. Damn, if only she could disappear. If only I didn't meet her again. Enough, I wasn't going to think about her anymore; I was going to focus on having fun with my friends as I deserved.

---

BRIAN'S POV

---

I knew I shouldn't have told her all of that. I knew I shouldn't have cried in front of her. I knew I was going to feel weak. Damn. I'm so stupid, so fucking stupid. And I screwed it; I really blew it this time. You total jerk! How do you dare to kiss her? What the heck was in your mind when you decided to do it? She's your best friend, nothing more. I just couldn't resist, I was feeling so bad and she was so close and so lovely. It was being really hard for me lately. Damn, I needed to keep it in mind all the time: You're only the best friend guy. And now everything was weird; yeah, she forgave me, but she was acting distant. And I myself I was acting distant because I didn't want to screw this more than it already was. Damn, Brian! Two years and then you blew it in one night, in one second. And now she was distant and she was feeling guilty, now she was feeling pity for me; I didn't want that. Argh! I didn't want her to feel pity for me; I didn't want her to pay things for me. I was the one supposed to pay things for her, I was the one supposed to give her everything. And everything was going wrong: My dad, college, the job, the damn kiss. And now she knew everything because I told her! It was stupid to tell her that; now she was worried about me. Shit, I didn't want that, I only wanted to see her happy, smiling with that breathtaking smile. And why did I cry in front of her? I saw her eyes when she saw me crying, she was distressed; I didn't want that either, I wanted to see her bright eyes. And she cried because of me, because of my troubles; I didn't want her to shed tears unless they're tears of joy. And now she was decided to move here. I didn't know if I could do that; not only because I didn't like the idea of her paying for this, but also because I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to live in a place in which we had to share a bedroom. Yes, I promised her at the beginning of this academic year that we were going to live together; but I never thought that my dad was going to have this problem, that I was going to be forced to find a job, that maybe I was going to be forced to dropout college, that we were going to share the same bedroom. But we couldn't find a place with two separate bedrooms because that would be very expensive and I couldn't afford that while my dad needed me to pay his medicines. Oh man, this was a mess. I just didn't know what to do, but I didn't want to be like this either. She needed me to be fine, she needed me to keep being that support for her, she needed me to comfort her; I couldn't bother her with my problems, I didn't want that. I wanted her to be happy and not concerned for my own problems. I needed to be strong; I couldn't be weak like last night when I cried in front of her. I really needed to be strong for my dad and for her. I just didn't want to disappoint them; I wanted to make them feel proud of me, not to feel pity for me. Someday and somehow everything was going to get better again, I hoped so.

"Mandy? Hey, how are you?" I asked when my phone started buzzing.

"I'm good, still busy with this new project." Mandy answered.

"That's good; it only means that it's working!" I said feeling happy for her.

"Yes, it is. Thank you, Brian." She said politely. "But... I was calling you because actually I need you."

"You need me? For what?" I asked intrigued.

"I need you to be my model?" Mandy started saying and I was about to refuse, but she interrupted me. "Please, don't say no before I tell you everything."

"Okay, you got me. Tell me, but surely you'll know my answer. We've already been through this. I don't like that stuff of being model and whatever." I said serious.

"It's not for a fashion show, so don't worry. I need you to pose for photos to be used for advertising purposes; you know, I need you as a model garments." Mandy explained.

"Umm, Mandy... I'm pretty sure you can find another guy that is a real model. I don't even look like a model; I don't know why you keep asking me that." I replied uncomfortable.

"Oh, come on, Brian! You're so damn sexy; you not only have a body that appears to be carved by angels; but you also have that handsome and perfect face. You don't even have a single pimple. And Brian, please, don't get me started on your ass. Your buff ass, Brian! High, tight and round; just the kind of ass you just want to run your hand over and squeeze it!" Mandy exclaimed really excited as I felt slightly embarrassed by the way she was talking.

"Mandy…" I warned in all seriousness. She knew I didn't like when people say things like those.

"I'm sorry, Brian, but it's the truth. Do you have any idea how hard is to find someone like you? Please, Brian, I beg you." Mandy said desperately.

"Please, Mandy, you're exaggerating things. You know I don't like this, I... I can't pose for a photo. I don't like that stuff, don't be so cruel." I said feeling even more uncomfortable.

"Please, Brian! I swear I'll pay you! Please." She begged again.

"I... No, even if I do it, I wouldn't like you to pay me. But no, Mandy! I... I don't feel comfortable with that." I said very uncomfortable. I could use a little money right now, but I'd never let her pay me.

"Brian! Please, you're perfect for this! It's about my new line of swimwear and you have the perfect body!"

"What? No! Oh no, no way I'm posing for a line of swimwear. I'd consider it if it was about something else, but swimwear? No way." I refused quickly.

"Why not, Brian? Come on, have you ever looked in a mirror? Your biceps, abs and pecs are astounding; we won't even need help from Photoshop. Brian, please! I swear I'll do anything you want if you do this for me." Mandy said supplicant and I sighed.

"Alright... But only this time for the last time, Mandy! I'm serious!" I finally accepted. I couldn't refuse that because she seemed to be very desperate and this was about her job.

"Thank you a lot, Brian! I love you!" She exclaimed thankful.

"Yeah, yeah... But after this, you better find another guy, Mandy." I warned her.

"Maybe, we'll see. You're perfect for this, Brian. Anyway, I'll tell you... I have this project of my new line of swimwear and for that we'll take the photos in a real place, to make it more real. So, the photo-shoot will take place at the U.S. Virgin Islands." Mandy started explaining.

"What? That place is too far, Mandy..." I said thinking how expensive a flight to there it was. I couldn't go there.

"I know! That is why I chose the Labor Day to make it, so you won't have to worry about college. And you don't have to worry about the costs of travel and accommodation; everything is paid by the company." Mandy explained.

"Mandy, that is in two days." I said gingerly.

"I know! That's why I was so desperate! You can make it, right?"

"Yeah, I can..."

"Oh, thanks god! Okay, so... You only have to go to the airport that day at 8am and the ticket is already paid, you only will need to show your ID."

"Wait a minute... So, everything is planned... You sneaky! You knew I was going to say yes!"

"Well, yes, sorry! But I really needed you!"

"Okay, fine... It won't happen again, you know?"

"We'll see... Anyways, you only have to do it. You're gonna spend only two days and one night there. I'll go there too, so don't worry; you won't be alone. And... trust me, the payment is really good." Mandy said convincingly.

"I... I don't want you to pay me, Mandy. I'm doing this only because I'm your friend." I said firmly, even though I needed the money.

"I don't care what you say, Brian. Your work is gonna be rewarded."

"I... Mandy, really..." I said uncomfortable.

"Shut up, Brian. So, remember, Saturday at 8am at the airport, with my sister. Okay?" Mandy asked.

"Wait... Why with your sister?" I asked confused.

"Because my sister is the female model, duh. She already knows it, so you only have to go there... Saturday, 8am at the airport." Mandy repeated but I wasn't paying attention. Was I going to have to pose in the photos with Sunny? That was going to be awkward and more in swimwear.

"Yeah, okay." I answered almost in a whisper.

"Thanks!" She exclaimed loudly and happily. "Now, how are things over there?"

"Fine..." I lied.

"Okay, now try telling me the truth." Mandy said roundly.

"That's the truth." I said frowning. I really didn't want to say anything.

"Oh Brian, Brian... I know you. What's wrong?"

"The accurate question would be what's right, so I wouldn't have to explain so much..." I said in a whisper, without thinking I was saying that.

"Oh my god, you never say things like those. What happened?" Mandy asked worried.

"Nothing..." I replied shortly when I realized she heard me. Damn, the less I needed was to make Mandy feel worried too.

"Brian, you better tell me right now. This is an order." Mandy demanded. Whoa, she was scary whenever she talked like that.

"Okay, only if you promise not to feel worried and if you don't tell anybody." I said.

"Promise."

So I started telling her all that happened lately. I told her everything, except the part of the kiss. That was something I'd never tell anybody. But I explained her all about my dad, the job that I couldn't find, how her sister basically forced me to let her pay the rent of the room and the food; I told her all of that. She only listened and I was glad for that.

"That's terrible, Brian. I'm so sorry."

"Mandy, you promised not to feel worried about this."

"I... Okay." She said sighing. "Just let my sister do that for you. As she said, we have the possibility to do that. So don't be so stubborn, Brian. And I can help you to find a job; you could be part of my company. You could work as my model and also I could offer you a long-distance job that won't require much time."

"No, Mandy. I already feel uncomfortable that you will pay me for those photos you asked. I... I just can't accept a job from you."

"Oh that's pure shit, Brian! I'll be glad if you accept the job. I'll never find a trusted person just as you are for me." Mandy said convincingly.

"Okay, I'll think about it. Thank you." I said thankful, but still feeling uncomfortable.

"About your dad... My mom needs help with her job. She needs someone as her secretary. Your dad could be the best for that job; after all, he has experience as secretary."

"Mandy..."

"Don't say anything. I'll tell mom to call your dad and we'll see what happens." Mandy interrupted me.

"Mandy, you don't have to..."

"Stop, Brian. I'm doing this because both, my sister and I, care about you. So do not refuse the help from the people who love you because it hurts us." Mandy said firmly. I just remained silent and I frowned and bit my lower lip to avoid the crying. "Brian?" Mandy asked after a long time I didn't answer. Damn, I couldn't talk. I moved my phone away to take a deep breath, so she wasn't going to hear me. No one else could know I was crying.

"Yeah, sorry." I finally said. "Thanks..." I started saying but the lump in my throat appeared again and my voice cracked. I tried to calm down again. "Thank you a lot for everything, Mandy." I finally said, trying to control the teary voice.

"You don't have to thank me, silly." Mandy said kindly and I could tell she was smiling, even if I couldn't see her. "Now about my sister..."

"What about your sister?"

"When are you gonna tell her, Brian? It's been two years." Mandy said almost in a whisper. I stayed silent for a long time, again trying to hold back my tears. I really hated feeling like this, so sensitive.

"You know I won't." I finally answered, biting my lower lip.

"You should, Brian."

"No. You know I won't and you know I can't, Mandy. And now here's Darren again and he makes her happy, even if she keeps denying it." I answered frowning.

Mandy already knew all that happened between her sister and Darren since they met again, because I told her. She needed to know but Freckles wouldn't tell her anything yet; so I made Mandy promise that she wouldn't mention anything about this. Mandy was worried about her sister, but I told her that things were fine and that I was going to take care of her little sister; and damn! Of course I was going to do so; always.

"I can't believe you're still doing that, Brian. Why do you let her talk about Darren with you? It's hurting you." Mandy said distressed and now tears were streaming down my face, but I didn't make any sound, so she wouldn't notice I was crying.

"It doesn't matter if it hurts me or not. It doesn't hurt me. She needs advices and I'm willing to give her all the advices she needs. I don't care with who she decides to date as long as the guy is a good guy and as long as she is happy. That's what matters to me, Mandy. And Darren seems to have changed for good..." I explained, always controlling my teary voice.

"Stop that, Brian! You need to tell my sister. It's been long enough. It's time, Brian." Mandy insisted and I had to bit my fist to prevent any kind of sound. Fuck, I needed to stop crying. "You need to think about yourself too. This thing you're doing is not good. Tell her, Brian."

"And what am I supposed to tell her, Mandy? What?" I said with teary voice and weeping. She surely realized I was crying, but I couldn't hold it any longer.

"Brian..." She said with sad voice. She definitely realized I was crying, shit. "Just tell her the truth."

"Mandy, I can't... I can't." I said still with teary voice.

"Brian?" I heard a voice: Sunny. She was walking to my bedroom.

"Is that my sister?" Mandy asked.

"Yeah... I have... I have to hang up..." I said nervously and I quickly hung up.

I put my phone aside and I pretended to be doing something else, as I wiped my tears away as fast as I could. By the time she entered my bedroom, I was giving my back to the door and I was pretending to be looking for some clothes. More tears fell down my face and I wiped them away, surreptitiously. I couldn't look at her. I heard her steps walking towards me and then she stood behind me and I felt her embrace. It was a really pleasant feeling, but I also felt like a hole in my heart. You're her best friend, I reminded to myself.

"Brian..." She whispered still hugging me. I didn't want to turn around, so I pretended to keep looking for some clothes.

"Yeah?" I asked controlling my cracked voice. I felt how she kissed my back and then she rested her head on it.

"I finally called Darren..." She said in a whisper.

My heart broke when I heard her saying his name, but I hid it. I was pretty aware that she still loved Darren, even if she denied it constantly; and I was only her best friend. But I wished that someday, at least only one day, she could say my name in the same way she said Darren's name.

---

"I can't believe you're wearing that, Darren." Joey asked while we were walking to the Blind Pig.

"Why not?" I asked looking at my t-shirt of Roger Rabbit.

"Because that must be my shirt." Joey said frowning and I laughed.

When we arrived at the Blind Pig, the guys weren't there yet. So we walked to an empty table and we sat there. We ordered two bottles of the best beer of the menu, called Ruckus Hoptimus Prime; besides, the name of that beer was totally awesome. It was still quiet, even if it was a Friday. I loved this tavern, you could stand up and just sing if you wanted, and it was a perfect place if you wanted to dance or just play pool or to play dart boards. Joey and I just started talking about random things.

"So, who's coming?" I asked because I still wasn't sure.

"Oh, Meredith just texted me few minutes ago. At the end, the only ones that are coming are Meredith, Joe Walker and Lauren. The other guys couldn't make it." Joey said frowning and shrugging.

"Well, at least some of them are coming." I replied. I really didn't mind, I only wanted to have fun with friends and it didn't matter if we were a big group or not.

So we kept talking about other stuff and I took advantage to propose him to move to another bigger room, as we were drinking already the second bottle of beer. I didn't know why they weren't coming yet. Anyway, I started telling Joey and he was listening to me very intently until Joe Walker and Lauren arrived. They saw us and walked to our table.

"Hello ladies!" Joe greeted with a high-five.

"How are you doing? Uh-uh, I see you've been drinking without us, so bad!" Lauren said looking at the bottles of beer and they sat on the table.

"Yeah, we couldn't resist the temptation." Joey said while taking a sip of his beer.

"And Meredith?" I asked curiously.

"She's on her way." Joe replied.

"Are you letting her to come alone?" I asked serious.

"Well yeah, she told us to come. What? She's not a little kid, Criss. Besides, she texted one second ago, she's safe; Voldy hasn't caught her!" Lauren answered and everybody laughed.

"Hey, I want that beer! Look at its name!" Joe said grabbing my bottle that was already empty.

So we ordered four beers. Damn, I really needed to stop drinking so much. We ordered also some snacks to eat, that was going to be better. We started talking about random things, especially about superheroes and fictional characters, perfect for a play. I was having a really good time, part because of the effect of the beer and part because my friends were really hilarious and just as weird as I was. After a while, I saw Meredith entering the tavern. I was about to stand up and run to hug her, but something stopped me abruptly. Right after Meredith entered, Freckles entered behind her. What the hell was she doing here, man? I was just having fun and she had to appear. I couldn't understand, this was frustrating. I looked at Joey almost menacingly because he surely knew something about this and he didn't tell me. But he seemed to be as surprised as I was.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" I whispered in Joey's ear.

"I don't know, dude. I didn't know she was coming; Meredith didn't mention her." Joey whispered back.

"Oh, great!" I exclaimed sarcastically. "Fuck!" I exclaimed in a whisper, really frustrated and disgruntled.

"Well, Darren, stop. She's Meredith's roommate and they seem to be friends now, so you'll have to get used to see her often." Joey told me in a whisper.

"Argh, this sucks." I exclaimed still disgruntled.

"Stop, dude. You came here to have fun, do not change that because she came." Joey said frowning.

"Will try..." I whispered not convinced at all.

It seemed that Meredith finally found us, so now she and Freckles were walking to our table. Even if I was annoyed because Freckles was here, my heart skipped a beat when I saw her. Damn, she was so fucking gorgeous. Why did she have to look so good and sexy? And she wasn't wearing anything flamboyant; she was only wearing black tight jeans, a simple black and white striped tight shirt and a red scarf; but the detail of the black beret drove me crazy. That was the same beret that she wore when she met my family for the first time, when I showed her Marin Headlands for the first time, our place. I always told her that she should wear that beret more often, but she never did; and now she was wearing it. And her lips, man... Damn, her lips were really red and looked so... Stop, I should stop thinking about that. But oh, she looked so good; she looked like a model or something.

"Oh man, she looks so sexy." Joe exclaimed in a whisper but I could hear him.

"I know right? She looks like French." Lauren replied, also in a whisper.

"Yeah, that is what I told her when..." I started saying but then I realized I was saying it loud, so I just shut up.

She truly looked like French, now more than before with her short hair. And I had to admit that she was really sexy; like really. No feelings for her, not even a single one. No love, no hate; nothing. When they were close enough, I looked down and I pretended to be distracted with a snack. How pathetic was that? I didn't care; I didn't want to look at her. I still didn't know what was in Meredith's mind to have had this idea of bringing Freckles with her.

"Hi, guys! Sorry we're late. Oh what's that? Do I smell beer?" Meredith asked cheerfully.

"Yeah, come on, sit down and let's order more!" Lauren exclaimed just as cheerfully. I was still looking down, playing with that snack.

"Hi, guys." Freckles greeted shyly, unlike the way she used to greet people.

There was something different on her voice. Yet, I didn't look up nor greeted her. She sat right in front of me, damn. So there we ordered 6 beers, one for each. Now everybody started talking about random things, started joking and laughing; everybody except me... and Freckles. She was actually very silent so that caught my attention. I looked surreptitiously at her: she was propping her head on a hand and she was silently drinking her bottle of beer, also looking down, playing with a snack but not eating it. She was smiling faintly but that was a forced smile, and her eyes just looked empty. Then she sighed and looked up, so I quickly looked down to avoid her gaze. She didn't notice I was looking at her, fortunately.

"Darren, can you change your face?" Joey whispered in my ear and I looked at him frowning and faked a huge smile.

"Better?" I whispered still faking the huge smile. Joey only shook his head and looked away.

"Hey guys! What if we play pool?" Joe proposed excited.

"Hell yeah!" Joey answered and Meredith and Lauren also agreed.

"Nah..." I replied, taking a sip of my beer. "Don't feel like playing it, I always lose in that stupid game."

"Loser!" Lauren exclaimed laughing.

"Okay, Darren is out. Freckles, are you joining us?" Meredith asked smiling at her.

"Hmm, I think I'll pass this time. But you guys totally should go and have fun." Freckles answered with that same faint smile. Oh no, the idea of being alone with her wasn't good at all, it kinda terrified me.

"Actually, I changed my mind..." I said quickly. "I'll prove you that I can win you all this time."

Yeah, I didn't want to play it, but I preferred to play it than staying with Freckles alone. Everybody looked at me amused, except Joey who was looking at me serious. He knew I was doing it because I didn't want to be with Freckles. I glanced at Freckles on the sly; she was looking fixedly at me with the same empty eyes and she wasn't smiling anymore, then she looked down and took a sip of her beer.

"Freckles, are you sure you don't want to join us?" Joe asked and Freckles looked at him and forced a smile.

"Yes, I'm sure." She answered softly and I felt relieved for her answer.

"Oh, come on! You wouldn't stay here alone, would you?" Meredith asked frowning. She seemed to be worried.

"Yes... It's okay. You should just go and have fun, guys. I'll stay here and I'll look how you play. It's fine." She answered still forcing the smile and taking another sip of her beer.

"Okay, we should go guys!" I insisted quickly. I really didn't want them to convince her to join us. "I feel like kicking some ass." I said trying to joke.

"We'll see about that, Criss." Joe said defiant and amused.

"Okay, Freckles, if you later want to join us..." Meredith started saying but I didn't listen to her anymore because I was already walking to the pool table.

So yeah, we started playing and of course I was making a fool of myself; of course I was losing. But I didn't care, I just wanted to be entertained to not to think about Freckles. Freckles wasn't really looking at us, she was texting someone while drinking her beer. Surely she was texting that Noah guy. That was irritating; and I shouldn't feel irritated. But I didn't like the way she was texting that guy all the freaking time. Anyway, she didn't seem so happy while texting. Why was I feeling so upset? This shouldn't affect me. Then I got distracted because it was my turn to play. But when I was about to strike the ball, something distracted me and made me fail. A guy sat on the table next to Freckles and they started talking and laughing. Could that guy be Noah?

"Do not let jealousy kill you, pal." Joe joked, whispering in my ear.

"Oh shut up! Why would it happen?" I asked indifferently, but still glancing at Freckles and that guy on the sly.

"You just need to stop looking at her that way, bud, or you're gonna freak her out." Lauren replied in a whisper with a giggle.

"Looking at her like what?" I asked serious, raising an eyebrow.

"Like you wanna rip her clothes off." Joe answered laughing out loud and I frowned, even though I found it funny.

"Oh, shut the fuck up!" I said nudging him but laughing softly now.

But then I looked at her again and I saw her laughing. She was laughing with that guy and she was completely off when she was around me. I frowned again and I had this awful feeling. Maybe I was a bit jealous. When I saw that guy moving closer to her to whisper something in her ear, I acted by instinct. I started walking to her feeling irked; I just wanted to stop that guy. But what? I had no rights to do that, I was no one to Freckles. Fortunately, Joey took me by the arm and stopped me.

"What the hell are you doing, dude?" He asked in disbelief.

"Nothing, I was thirsty and wanted my bottle of beer." I lied, still frowning and looking at that annoying guy.

"You need to stop with that, dude. You said you wanted to stop thinking about her, and the way you act isn't helping." Joey said looking at me serious.

"Whoa, Joey! Since when so serious?" I asked raising my eyebrows.

"I'm bored of this game. Gonna join Freckles and that cute boy..." Meredith said with a mischievous smile, now walking towards them.

Oh well, this was the perfect excuse to walk towards them as well. I really needed to know if that guy was Noah. What if Freckles was texting him so they could meet here, right in front of me? That would be inconsiderate although we were nothing now, there was something called respect. This time Joey didn't stop me because I was faster. I walked straight to them, right behind Meredith.

"Hi, guys!" Meredith greeted joyfully. She seemed to know that guy already. "Are you up for a beer with us?" She asked looking at the guy, now I was walking more slowly to them.

"Yeah, sure. Why not?" The guy answered with a smile and Freckles smiled. Yeah, fuck, they had something; I was sure.

"Hi." I greeted looking suspiciously at the guy when I reached the table.

Freckles and Meredith were looking at me fixedly and serious, but they didn't say anything. The guy looked at me with a polite smile and nodded his head. Well, that guy didn't seem to be a nasty guy, but still there was something I didn't like about him. I felt really jealous because yeah, that guy looked way better than me. I wanted him to go away but no; Meredith had to invite him to drink a beer. He was like bothering here. But I needed to be polite; I didn't want to be that ill-mannered guy because I wasn't like that.

"I'm Darren." I said stretching out my hand.

"Nice to meet you, Darren." The guy replied politely and also stretched his hand to shake it with mine. "I'm Noah."

So he was Noah indeed. He was the guy that messed up everything with Freckles. Well, he wasn't guilty, but Freckles was because of this guy, who surely was something more than a simple friend or whatever. I couldn't explain why I was loathing this guy if I didn't even know him. Definitely Freckles texted him to come over here, why would be here otherwise? This couldn't be a coincidence. Anyway, I tried to pretend he was just a random guy and I didn't know anything about him. I just forced a polite smile and I sat in front of Freckles and Meredith sat next to me, in front of Noah. There was an uncomfortable silence: Freckles was looking down and wasn't laughing as when she was alone with Noah; Meredith was just smiling goofily trying to pretend everything was normal and Noah was just looking down and smiling.

"So, Noah..." I said and the guy looked at me. Freckles remained looking down and Meredith looked away. I wanted to get more information about this guy. "Are you also attending the University of Michigan?"

"Yeah, I am. I'm also in the Interarts Performance program; I'm a Freshman." Noah replied and I nodded, then I glanced at Freckles. So they were also classmates, for sure. "Are you too?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I'm in the Basement Arts program, and I'm a Sophomore; just as all of my friends." I replied trying to sound polite.

"That's weird... So how do you guys know each other?" He asked curiously, looking at me, at Meredith and Freckles.

No one answered for a while. So this guy didn't know everything about me and her; Freckles never mentioned me. Of course, just as Meredith said, she didn't talk about me. I didn't know if I should feel upset, sad or indifferent about this. I felt sad because she was acting as if what we had in the past didn't mean anything at all for her; I felt also a bit upset because I couldn't understand why she was doing that; but I should definitely feel indifferent. So I was kind of struggling with my feelings.

"Oh, that's because we went to the same High School, didn't she mention that?" I asked on purpose and a bit harshly, looking at Freckles, who was looking down and very serious. Noah looked at Freckles and frowned apparently in confusion.

"No, she didn't. Anyway, I don't see why she should have mentioned that, we're just starting to know each other..." Noah started saying with a slight smile and still frowning.

"Oh, I don't know! Let me see... Maybe because it was something important, you know... But you're right; she shouldn't have mentioned that, because yeah, apparently everything meant nothing for her. She just doesn't care! So yeah, why would she mention that? That's a crazy idea!" I exclaimed in a very sarcastic cheerful way.

I was starting to lose my temper and I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it. Noah was looking at me frowning, very confused; Meredith was looking at me very displeased, serious, also frowning; and Freckles was looking at me frowning, but I couldn't tell if that was a sad look or if it was a huffy look.

"I just... I don't understand..." Noah said a bit uncomfortable, shifting in his chair.

"Of course you don't understand, I don't understand either! Who understands her? With her comings and goings... Man, it's impossible!" I exclaimed sarcastically again and this time Freckles tensed her jaw and looked down. "You'll see, one day she's gonna be so nice and sweet with you, and right after that she's gonna kick you right in your balls; you won't even notice that; it'll just happen when you less expect and then you'll be all fucked up, man." I said laughing bitterly and the guy raised his eyebrows and looked at me very bewildered.

"Darren, stop." Meredith said firmly and coldly.

"Why should I stop? Because I'm trying to be cool and tell him what's gonna happen?" I asked again in a sarcastic way. "You're totally fucked up, man; sorry."

"I'm sorry, guys... I just... Am I bothering here or something? I... I can go if I'm not welcome here and I won't feel offended." Noah said uncomfortable.

"No, Noah, don't go." Freckles whispered almost supplicant, looking at Noah and placing one hand above his. I observed that situation and I felt completely irritated.

"Oh, no, Noah! Do not go! Why would you go right when the fun has begun?" I asked looking at him, raising my eyebrows and smiling in a false way. Freckles looked at me frowning and open-mouthed.

"Do not listen to him, Noah. He just has been having a bad day and he doesn't know what he's saying, right, Darren?" Meredith asked roundly, looking at me in a menacingly way. I needed to calm down because this was going out of control.

"Right." I answered coldly, now looking down and biting my lower lip. "Stay, Noah, I invite the next round of beer and we can make a toast."

"A toast? What for?" He asked confused.

"Just to welcome you to the screwed life of having her..." I started answering in a surly way.

"Shut the fuck up, Darren." Meredith almost yelled, annoyed.

And so I shut my mouth. This made me realize where I was standing. Meredith seemed to be mad at me; Noah was looking down disconcerted and uncomfortable; and Freckles was looking away, frowning, biting her lower lip and she also seemed to be uncomfortable, besides being disgruntled. I totally crossed the line and that was inadequate. The Noah guy didn't do anything wrong and I lost my temper for no reasons. But I couldn't help feeling annoyed. And I created this current tense situation; yet, I couldn't apologize. Joey, Joe and Lauren saved me from this.

"Hi, new guy!" Lauren greeted friendly, patting Noah's back. He just looked at her and smiled slightly. "What's your name?"

"I'm Noah." He answered softly; he was still feeling uncomfortable.

"Welcome to our insanity, new guy called Noah!" Joe greeted also friendly and in a jokingly way.

Noah just smiled and nodded; everybody was silent and looking away. Joey, Joe and Lauren noticed this, because they frowned in confusion.

"Is everything okay?" Joey asked suspiciously.

"Yes, it is... Only that Darren was having a bad day and he flied into a rage and threw a tantrum; so he came out with a couple of rude words." Meredith explained and I huffed, looking down while everybody, particularly Joey, looked at me visibly incredulous.

"I'm sorry, okay?" I finally said, still irritated.

"Okay..." Joe said raising an eyebrow. "I think a couple of beers will change this."

"Are you up for a beer, new guy?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, sure." Noah answered still a bit uncomfortable.

"Yo, Darren! I know how you can change your unusual grumpy mood!" Lauren exclaimed excited and I just looked at her. "Why don't you delight us with a song? That stage over there misses you, buddy!"

"Hell yeah! No one is singing, you could take advantage of it." Joe added.

"I don't know... The place is crowded already." I answered indifferently. I wasn't feeling in mood to sing right now.

"Since when is that an impediment for you?" Lauren asked frowning. "It's better that the place is crowded, so many people would have the honor to listen to your stupid adorable voice."

"I..." I started saying, frowning.

"Come on! Just do it, man!" Joey insisted.

"Fine, fine! I'll do it." I said sighing.

"Yay!" Lauren bounced excited.

So I stood up and walked to the stage. Everything was ready for that one who wanted to sing: the microphone, the guitar, the piano, even drums. When I got on the stage, everybody looked at my direction. I only grabbed the guitar and I sat on the chair right in front of the microphone. This could be a good excuse to play the song I wrote last night. Yeah, I didn't practice it so much, but this was the perfect moment to sing it. I was feeling annoyed and frustrated and I couldn't say it because I needed to be nice. So the song was perfect. I looked at the audience. Whoa! It was really crowded. I cleared my throat because I could really say few words before starting singing.

"Hello everybody, I'm Darren Criss and well, I'm a musician and an actor; actually that's what I'm aiming to be... Anyway, this night I'd like to sing a song that I recently composed for a certain person that is here right now but whose name I won't say." I started saying looking fixedly at Freckles now.

She noticed this was for her, because she was looking at me until I mentioned this; now she was looking down. In the meantime, Joey was looking at me frowning and serious; he knew I was talking about that specific song, but he still didn't know what it was about, so he was kinda concerned. Meredith, Joe and Lauren were just looking at me excited. The Noah guy was just looking at me, with a slight smile.

"So yeah, the song is called Stutter. I hope you can enjoy it." I said and I looked at the guitar to start playing it.

For the first time, I was really nervous to play a song in front of an audience. Yeah, I performed before here in this place, but I performed mostly Disney's songs. This time was different, this time I was going to play for the first time a song that I wrote; and not only that, I was going to perform a song dedicated especially to Freckles. In front of her.

Remember that time?

When you wouldn't talk to me?

You wouldn't talk to me

All night

Remember that song?

And all the words we'd sing?

Well here's a song I sing

All right

Remember that way?

How you'd never lie to me

'Cause you'd never lie to me

No way

You could be faking it

God, don't be like that

I don't like the way you act

'Round me

I looked at the audience, they seemed to be enjoying the song, but I really didn't care. I only wanted to look at Freckles, to let her know that this song was for her. She was still looking down and she seemed to be very serious; as my friends were just looking at me curious, some of them clueless of the real meaning of the song.

So baby come on, come on...

Oh, don't you tell me no

There you go again

You're ten out of ten

Sorry, did I just s-stutter?

Won't tell you what you know

There you go again

You were never my friend

You were never my-

You were never my lover! No.

This time I let out a bitter short laugh while looking at Freckles. She was now looking at me fixedly and with empty eyes, very serious, frowning slightly. I shifted my gaze to Joey and Meredith; they were looking at me just as serious, while Lauren and Joe seemed to be excited just as the rest of the audience. I looked at Freckles again, she was looking down again.

Remember that night?

When I saw you standing there?

Dark eyes and dark hair

It's just you

Remember the way?

How you were way out of line?

And I was way out of time

For you

And I got your number

Right next to your name

But it ain't no thing, no

No it ain't enough

And I've got your word I know

But it's all I'll get

Trying to forget

Your kind of love

I sang with a hint of bitterness, still looking fixedly at Freckles, who now propped her head on one hand, looking away, biting her lower lip and frowning. She didn't like the song, I knew it. She surely found out the meaning of my song.

So baby come on, come on...

Oh, don't you tell me no

'Cause there you go again

You're ten out of ten

Sorry, did I just s-stutter?

Won't tell you what you know

But there you go again

'Cause you were never my friend

You were never my-

You were never my lover!

I know you could be better

Don't have to waste my time

It's not like I need you more than

I need me and mine

But I know that you want it

Trying to get you on it

Baby we could fuck the rights

Turn around and wrong it

Spare me your convictions

The promises you keep

I've got a better proposition

And the friction that you need

Don't you tell me that

You don't want to

Don't you tell me that

You don't want to

I was about to finish the song, but I saw Freckles standing up with her purse. She was about to leave and I couldn't let it happen. So I stood up, still with the guitar and still singing; and I got out of the stage to walk to her. Everybody was looking at me and they thought I was doing this as part of the performance, but no. I was doing this because I didn't want Freckles to go before I finish the song. I practically ran to her and I stood right in front of her, to prevent her from moving from where she was. She looked at me disconcerted and frowning; I couldn't tell if she was angry or if she was sad, I didn't know her anymore. She tried to sidestep but I kept blocking the way. And I looked deeply into her eyes at the same time she looked at me again; and I sang right on front of her face.

Oh, don't you tell me no

'Cause there you go again

You're ten out of ten

I'm sorry d-did I just s-stutter?

Won't tell you what you know

But this is the end

You were never my friend

You were never my-

You were never my lover!

And I finished the song with a bitter short laughter right in front of her face as she was looking at me fixedly into my eyes, frowning and tense. I felt kinda bad when I finished the song in that bitter and harsh way, full of anger; because she looked at me as though she was hurt. But I couldn't regret at this point. When I finished the song, I got a lot of applauses. Freckles, Joey and Meredith were the only ones who didn't applaud. And right after I finished the song, Freckles took advantage to sidestep and walk away from me and she left the tavern. This time, I didn't stop her; I just walked to the stage to leave the guitar and come back to my table as people kept applauding and I was saying thanks. And when I sat, everything was really uncomfortable. Noah fortunately wasn't there because he went to the bathroom; but Joey and Meredith were looking at me as if they wanted to kill me or something. Joe and Lauren were the only ones that were smiling widely and kept applauding.

"That was totally awesome, bud!" Lauren exclaimed loudly.

"That wasn't totally awesome, that was rude." Meredith said harshly.

"And unnecessary." Joey added. "Was that the supposed song you've been writing? How could have you sung it in front of her right now?"

"What? What if I sung it in front of her, eh? What the fuck, man? Am I not allowed to do the shit I want now? I didn't know that singing a song was forbidden now! Am I gonna go to jail now?" I asked very annoyed and surly.

"I can't believe you're acting like that, man! You're not a teenager anymore, why do you act as such? And I get all that part that you don't wanna think about her anymore, but this is not the way! Hurting her is not the way, dude!" Joey exclaimed in disbelief.

"I didn't know there was a right way! Whoa! Thanks for telling me, man!" I exclaimed sarcastically, still feeling very annoyed.

"You're a total douche when you're like this, Darren. Seriously, man; you're cool, but when you act like this, I just don't recognize you." Joey said frowning.

"Well, recognize me, because this is me. Look at my face! This is what I am! A stupid damn idiot who has been treated like shit by a girl who meant everything to him but he's a fucking no one to her! That is the fuck I am!" I yelled very irked.

"I really don't get what's going on here..." Joe said almost in a whisper while looking at us very disconcerted.

"Yeah, me either. Like... What are you talking about guys? What girl? Like, is there someone you want to forget, Darren? Who? And what is that entire thing he hurt her? I don't get anything." Lauren added, also in a whisper and also looking at us astonished.

"Freckles, goddammit! We're talking about Freckles! She was my fucking girlfriend in high school, okay?" I yelled in response, feeling angry. Joe and Lauren looked at me perplexed, with eyes wide open and raising eyebrows because of the surprise.

"What the hell, bro?" Joe asked still puzzled.

"Yes, what you heard! She was my fucking girlfriend and now everything is fucked up. And I don't wanna talk about it. Holy shit, I don't even wanna talk about her." I replied harshly. "And for the record, Joey... You said I hurt her but she hurt me before and she hurt me in a way worse way! And what with that, eh? Is she the only one who can come and mess up and then disappear after everything is screwed up? What about me? Do I have just to sit here and wait like a fool for the next time she's gonna appear and pierce me with needles in every part of my body like a damn voodoo doll?"

"What are you even saying? That had just no sense! What the fuck? And only because she messes up doesn't mean that you have to do the same. You don't even know if what she did was intentional, but what you did right now was intentional. And that was bad, man. Do not compare your actions with someone else's actions! You just gotta do what you consider is right, and I'm pretty sure you're aware that what you did was wrong." Joey reproached me.

"You have no idea!" I yelled angrily.

"Whatever, Darren!" Meredith exclaimed annoyed. "What you did was rude! I only brought her here so she could have fun and get distracted of all the shit she's going through and you just decided to act like that! What is wrong with you, Darren? I understand you're feeling like crap and all because she's not in love with you anymore as you'd have wished; but she's going through worse things! And you say that she doesn't care about you, but you don't care about her either; otherwise you'd have noticed that she's not feeling right since she came here! So stop acting like an egocentric teenager, Darren; because you aren't even like that!" Meredith also yelled upset and I looked at her stunned.

"What? What do you mean with that thing that she's going through worse things?" I asked confused.

Now I was feeling a bit guilty because maybe Meredith was right. I was complaining that Freckles didn't care about me, but I either didn't care about her. I was thinking that she was silent because she really didn't want to see me and because she wanted to be with Noah; I never thought she could be going through a bad situation, therefore I didn't care about her.

"I think it's not proper to tell you that and less after the way you recently acted. So whatever... I'm gonna look for her, to try to make her feel at least a bit better. Thanks, Darren." Meredith replied annoyed, standing up.

"No, wait." I said quickly, standing up. "I'll go for her."

"No, you won't do that. No way that you're hurting her more than you already did, Darren. I'm sorry, you're my friend and I love you, but you didn't act in a good way with her, and I like her, she's a good person. So, no." Meredith said roundly.

"No, I won't go there to hurt her. I just want to go and apologize, really. Please, I need to do it alone. I swear I'll just apologize." I said feeling guilty and Meredith looked at me for a long time.

"Okay, I believe you only because I know you and I know you're not a bad person, Darren. Just... Be nice, she really isn't doing well." Meredith said softening her voice.

"Will be." I said firmly. "Be right back."

So I walked slowly to the exit of the tavern; and yes, I was a bit nervous. I really didn't know why she wasn't doing well as Meredith said, but it didn't matter because I had to apologize for being rude when I sang like that in her face. I knew she was going to be mad at me; she probably was going to yell at me or maybe she was going to ignore me, but I was going to apologize anyway. When I got out, I found her leaning against the brick wall, smoking a cigarette, looking fixedly at nowhere in particular; she didn't even notice I was walking towards her. When I was close, she glanced at me and then she looked at the same point she was looking at before as she pulled a little smoke into her mouth, held it and then blew out the smoke. I just looked at her for a while in silence, not knowing how to start apologizing. She was just standing there, as if no one was next to her. I stepped closer, while placing my hands on my pockets and biting my lips nervously.

"Freckles..." I whispered uncomfortable. She didn't answer, she just kept smoking. "I'm sorry." I whispered. Again she didn't say anything at all. So she took the option of ignoring me. "I'm sorry." I said louder.

"I heard you." She answered curtly, still looking fixedly at the same point.

Well, now I really didn't know what to say or do. This wasn't the way I expected her to answer me. Like, really, what do you say after a response like hers? She threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it to put out. Then she looked at me, straight into my eyes. Her gaze was so intense and piercing that I felt a bit intimidated, so I had to look down.

"Why are you doing this, Darren?" She asked frowning and serious.

"Because I need to apologize, I really acted like..."

"I'm not talking about that." She interrupted me brusquely and I looked at her. She was still looking at me in a piercing way. "I mean, why are you doing all of this? Why do you act nice to me, then you act cold and harsh, then you sing that song...Why? What have I done to you?"

Freckles seemed to be desperate and I looked at her astonished. Well, I never expected these kinds of questions. I looked down and I started fluttering my eyes because of my nervousness. I couldn't tell her why I was being like this because I promised Meredith that I wasn't going to make her feel bad.

"I don't know... I was just having a bad day..." I started lying, still looking down.

"Spare me your lies, Darren, and be honest right now. Come on, Darren, shoot it! This is your one chance to tell me all the things that I do that annoys you! Tell me, come on, tell me!" She said angrily and I just looked at her bewildered. "Come on, spit the truth! Tell me what the hell I'm doing wrong to deserve being treated this way. Tell me!" She said very loud, almost as a yell and I knew I was starting to lose my temper again.

"Do you really wanna know what annoys me? I will tell you. First of all, it fucking annoys me the way you talk to me." I started saying angrily.

"What way? For fuck's sake!" She exclaimed exasperated and upset.

"That way! That stupid way of yelling at me when I'm trying to do something nice. It gets on my nerves the way you're all the time searching for stupid lame excuses to treat me like crap, as though you enjoy it! Why the hell do you have to yell at me? Why the hell do you have that need to mess up everything?" I replied yelling furiously.

"Well, you're yelling at me as well, Darren! Listen to yourself! And mess up what? What is that entire stupid thing you keep saying that I mess up everything, that I fuck up everything? What is that?" She asked yelling.

"Isn't it obvious? You come here as if nothing happened, you play a little with other people's feelings and then you just laugh at them, making them feel miserable. Isn't that what you have done to me?" I asked looking at her very angry and coldly.

"Isn't that what you have done to me, Darren? When you came into my life, played with my feelings a little making me believe I was loved, and then you laughed at me, leaving me there on my own, all fucked up, that night in the hotel room? Isn't that what you did?" She yelled furiously and I looked at her in disbelief.

"What the fuck, Freckles? It's not my fault that you don't believe a damn shit of what I told you! I told you the fucking truth and you don't believe me. That hurts! That fucking hurts! You're constantly doing things to hurt me because you simply don't care a damn shit about me. You just don't care while I'm here all the fucking time thinking about you! You don't care and I'm this fool guy!" I yelled in a rage.

I was looking at her very furiously and she was looking at me in the same way. I noticed that now Noah, Joey, Meredith, Joe and Lauren walked outside, they probably heard the yells and came to see what was happening. But I didn't care if they were there or not; I was going to tell Freckles all the things I've been keeping inside all this time.

"I've spent a damn whole year trying to find you again and I've spent all days imagining that day I could meet you again; I've pictured it on my mind all the time and this isn't at all what I imagined! I thought you were going to believe me, but you didn't. I thought you were going to be back and we were going to be together again, but none of that happened, because everything was only on my mind! And this hurts because I'm still in love with you! Fuck! Yes, I am! And you only want to push me away, and I'm no one for you! All this time, you were moving on and I was stuck here, still having this feeling for you. And I'm trying to convince myself that I still have one small chance to get you back, but every day you prove me wrong! Every day you show me that you don't care at all how I'm feeling, you proved it me the other day when I was telling you something really important to me and you wouldn't keep texting your boyfriend! It broke my fucking heart, Freckles! It broke me and I had to hide it and that was painful! I'm sick of suffering for you, so do not expect me to be nice and pretend that everything is cool, because it isn't! Because I'm not right! And this is because of you! You and only you! You make me be a kind of person that I'm not, and I hate that! I hate being as I'm being right now when you're around!" I yelled angrily but also feeling very distressed. I had stupid tears in my eyes now, and those were both tears of anger and tears of sadness.

"What boyfriend, Darren?" She yelled furiously and in disbelief.

"That boyfriend! The boyfriend you brought tonight to make me feel like crap! How you dare to bring him when I'm around! How you dare!" I yelled madly, pointing at Noah, but not looking at him.

"What the hell? He's not my boyfriend, for fuck's sake! You're a stupid paranoid guy!" She screamed rabidly. "Only because you read that text message that day, only because you read he was calling me sexy girl, doesn't mean he's my boyfriend! I barely know who he is because we just met that day, Darren!" She yelled and I looked at her a bit terrified. So she knew I read that. "And do not look at me that way! Yes, I know you read that text message, something you shouldn't have done, by the way! But whatever! You don't even know why I was texting him, you don't know anything, so you shouldn't blame me, because you just don't have any idea! And for the record, I apologized for that time! I already told you I didn't mean to make you feel bad or however I made you feel! I admitted I was wrong and I apologized, but you didn't take it! What else can I do, eh?" She yelled angrily.

"You didn't mean it! You didn't care!" I yelled really upset.

"I did mean it, Darren! And I did care!" She replied also yelling. "And you say I don't care about you but you don't care a damn shit about me either! You have no fucking idea of what I'm going through, but you noticed I wasn't doing well, yet you didn't care! You didn't ask, you didn't do anything but treat me like crap and sing me a song telling that I was never your friend and I was never your lover. I was, damn shit, you know I was! You know that I was so in love with you and it was you the one who left me, not me! I don't know what you want from me! I don't know how you expect me to be, I'm trying my best but this is hard for me! Is hard for me trying to do the right thing while I keep remembering how you left me broken that day, how you made me feel as if everything was falling apart! You ripped me into pieces so small I wasn't sure I still existed! And I had to move on, Darren! I had to because I wasn't living my life because of you!" She yelled pointing at me while she was shedding tears, tears of rage and tears of sadness as well. "I was destroyed, Darren! Destroyed because of you!" She yelled while crying.

Everybody was looking at us silently and in shock; neither of them could move or do something. Noah was the first one who attempted to walk to Freckles when he saw her crying; but Freckles, without even looking at him and still looking at me fixedly, pointed him.

"Do not dare to walk over here! Do not dare to mess up! This is a conversation between him and me and I don't want anybody to meddle!" She yelled in a rage.

Noah stopped abruptly and everybody looked at her astonished. It was scary to see her angry. Yes, I've seen her mad in the past; but those times were nothing compared to now. She was really mad and out of her that it was scary. But I was also mad, as I was also feeling bad.

"And you say I make you feel like crap. Guess what, Darren? You make me feel like crap too!" She yelled angrily. "I have feelings too, Darren!" She yelled in between tears and her voice cracked, but she kept looking at me furiously. "Everything is not only about you! And I'm sick of this stupid game we're playing! Let's start over! Let's be friends again! You and I both know that's not gonna happen, not as long as you keep hurting my feelings because you still want me to be that girl that I'm not anymore! And guess what, Darren? I also hate the person I am when you're around, that's not me! You make me be a nasty person and I hate that! And you make me feel guilty for everything, you make me feel a bad person, you make me hate myself! And I shouldn't feel like that! And you keep pressing me and I don't even know what you expect from me! And it's frustrating! Frustrating!" Freckles yelled exasperated.

"I only expect you to respect me! I expect you to be nice to me as I try to be! But maybe I'm asking too much! Because you don't know how to stay; you only come, fuck up my life, and then you go away. Yours is not love, it is emotional tourism. And I finally realize it. And I hate you so fucking much for making me feel this way. I hate you!" I yelled also in between tears, but feeling huffy; stepping closer to her.

"I hate you too!" She yelled her lungs out in my face, crying.

And I abruptly kissed her lips.