Teenage Dream

by Lucy Samb

You/ Darren Criss fanfic. The story is about your life with Darren in high school, college and professional life among friendship,love,fights,comings and goings and how you both go through serious stuff such as bullying,suicide,discrimination and life itself. It starts when you meet Darren, a guy of your school in St. Ignatius College Preparatory who never noticed you, a loser.

42. The special list

A/N: Hi guys! How are you all doing? I'm absurdly tired because I have like a lot of things to do between college, exams, my final thesis and my job. So it's like very early here but I can't wait to go to bed and sleep a little. So, if you find any typo or something senseless, it's because I'm half asleep and half awake! And I might be also a little bit out of words, so sorry for that! My apologies. Now, I'll answer to you all right now!

Nicole: I don't know why you FIND that to be pretty awesome, I FIND that to be pretty confusing; but as you, maybe I'll FIND out someday haha. Yes poor Brian, you have no idea all the things that are gonna happen, mwahahaha; I'll consider myself a cruel person. And Mandy is back! Huzzah! You'll get Mandy in this one chapter! It's funny to think that at first everybody hated Mandy and know everybody is happy to see her back. No Brian, Freckles and Darren triangle... Well, maybe you could call it a love triangle, but it's not so like that, it's weird, you'll see. Like this is the time when feelings and relationships are complicated, it happens sometimes in all human beings and I wanted to show that. Stutter! I love that song and I had to use it (gotta admit that maybe I didn't like so much how I used it, I hated myself for that because the original idea was to use it in a different way, but well, my stupid mind). In this part of college time, I'll use many of Darren's songs. Ah! I loved that cliffhanger! I enjoyed so much writing that cliffhanger, so you're totally allowed to call me little shit and hate me! haha. Have my spells lasted? Or has your insanity won? Well, my so-draco-nicole, hugs and butterfly kisses for you!

zahra auob: Zahra! Thank you a lot! But I must to admit that I feel bad because you'll never listen to Stutter again without thinking about that chapter, because the way I used it wasn't a pretty good way and I feel bad for that. I know, Brian will take more prominence in the story from now on, so you'll see that there are more things that are happening to him; but I won't tell all of them in one shot, it's like a progress. Oh yeah, you can have Brian if she rejects him, so be prepared to comfort him! He's sexy, so you'll like him. Yes, Freckles acts in a harsh way and it's because she still cannot forget the past (even if she keeps saying she did) and it's a process she'll have to face; because, as you said and I agree, without forgiveness there is no humanity. It's hard, it sometimes hurts our pride, and it takes a lot of time to truly forgive someone; but eventually you have to do it, for their own sake and also for your own sake. Have you been in that kind of situation? Oh wow, that surely was tough! I've never been in a situation like that (maybe because it's hard for me to express my feelings, I don't know); but I've seen from the outside those situations, so I believe it's something real that happens, so I found it interesting to show. I'm really glad you enjoy my evil drama! You'll get a lot of that, but I promise there will be some very sweet chapters. And Zahra, thank you very much for what you said in your P.S., you have no idea how much it means to me, now you can't see me, but ahh, I'll admit it, it made me shed some tears of joy. You surely read my tweet, to inspire people would be my biggest accomplishment in life; so there you know how much what you said means to me, how thrilled it made me feel. Thank you, I really have no words to thank you the enough. I wish you keep writing and keep being the real you.

alicegursk: abshbwhbaoqnaknsnijqsiw. Am I getting better in the fangirling (?) language? What was that? That was shit! That was me being a really cruel and heartless person who wanted to make you wait one entire week to read the next chapter after that damn cliffhanger! The dispute was intense, wasn't it? They threw up their real feelings into each other's face, in a tough and harsh way. Things in life that happen when someone explodes for being holding back repressed feelings. And life is complicated, therefore their relationship is complicated, and it'll be even more complicated. Before they get back together (if it ever happens as lovers), a lot of things will happen; they still have a lot to learn, to forgive, to process, and to experience; but, if we see the positive side... If they ever get back together, after all the things that will happen, their bond will be very strong. You're scared of what Freckles will do? Maybe you should be scared, but come on, read it anyway! Should I prepare the couch to sleep there?

Emma: Hi Emma! I'm really happy you decided to review every chapter! But if someday you can't or you don't feel like doing it, don't worry, okay? That's gonna be our deal! I don't mind to be stuck with you for the next months! And you'll be stuck for a lot of months! Maybe another year, picture that as an average, the story will have 100 chapters; so you're in time to regret your decision! haha. Thanks for saying that writing this fanfic improved my english! I don't know how that happened but I'm glad it's like that. Maybe with time it'll improve more, I'd love that; I'm also considering taking english courses but here are very expensive. You'll always get a weekly update! Well, I hope so! Because, for example, this entire week I couldn't write a single line because of my lack of time and I guess this will last till July; so I'm afraid it'll come a time I won't have chapters to update! But I'll think positively, everything will go well. I know, Freckles and Darren cannot be fine; always one of them is messing up, sometimes Darren, sometimes Freckles. And yes, Freckles is the one who makes more mistakes than Darren. This is the time when they start learning more about themselves and about others and how the way they act around can affect someone else, how they suddenly have to face their problems, how hard is to forgive and be forgiven, and how complicated things can be; that's what I want to show for now, maybe it could explain the way they're acting. Ah! I know it was a terrible cliffhanger! And their dispute was really tense and harsh, but at some point I guess they needed it, at least they were sincere, not in the best way, but well, it happens in life I guess. Well, I'll stop entertaining you and I'll let you read the chapter.

Vcriss: Oh yes! Unfortunately, for obvious reasons, I won't go to the tour, but I bet it'll be amazing (it's weird he's gonna play only kazoo and oboe; no piano, no guitar) But at least, I guess I'll be able to buy his solo album! Do you imagine Brian as Channing Tatum? haha, do you wanna know something funny? I don't know if you watched the movie 'The Vow', but Channing Tatum acts in that movie, and that movie inspired me to write about Brian; I don't know why though, because Brian is not like Leo, but it inspired me. So, I picture Brian as Channing Tatum, maybe with some features of his face modified; but his body is exactly the same, as Mandy described! haha. Thanks! I hope I can keep doing a good job with the story as you mentioned! Hope to never disappoint!

MeMi83: Memi, first of all, you made me laugh when you mentioned they could have destroyed stuff with their tension! haha, I pictured it like that while writing it! Like damn hell, everything is going out of control and everything is so dramatic and tense! But it ended with an abrupt kiss, something you were semi expecting! Now it's time to know how their reactions will be! Well, truth is, for some reason, I wanted them to have this kind of rough dispute; because somehow sometimes it happens in real life, when suddenly we explode and vent all we feel, all we've been holding back for a long time. I've never been in this situation, but it happens. I'm glad to know you're loving Brian as a character; with time you'll understand more things about him, but you were pretty close with your suppositions (you have a talent for figuring out things!). He seems to put other people first before himself and he hates bothering people about his problems, he is reserved, having his head screwed on right; there are reasons of why he does that and why he feel like that, but it'll take time to find out those reasons. And you'll get more of his pov, not in this chapter, but in the next chapter! I'm glad you found me on Twitter! I sent you a tweet, but surely you noticed I can't tweet so much (I used to tweet a lot and I miss that, but I need to be less busy!). You sent me fairy dust! It's funny because I recently wrote something with that! I'll send you a lot of kind and friendly elves and goblins, unicorns' magic and warm fuzzies!

amritsoomal: You liked that ending, didn't you? haha. Brian will stay around, but he might find someone else... Who knows? haha. And Joey's hook up... Umm! It'll be interesting... How was your music exam? And have you done the math and religious studies ones? You said you might read it all again from the beginning, have you done it? haha. Well, now you'll know what will happen after the kiss; I hope you can enjoy the chapter despite several things that will happen you might not like! Oh! Big fat chocolate cake! You have no idea how much I wanted one! I'll share it with you and in reward I'll give you virtual Nutella! Mmm, Nutella! (Picture Homer Simpson here)

Guest 1: I know! It seems like all of the college chapters are very dramatic and most of the time they end up in a bad way! It's sad to see them like that, I know that; but this is a process they have to face. Someday and somehow they'll work it out, maybe not in the expected way, but they'll make it through. I agree that one of them always messes up, that they need to work on their relationship very hard and they have to grow and learn a lot; yes, I agree it will take a while. But after all of that, their bond will be strong. They still need to experience a lot of things, together and also in their own separate ways. Sometimes the best relationships are those ones which sort all kinds of obstacles. Professor Adams, Jim, Karen... And more characters... Maybe they have something to do or maybe things aren't as they seem to be. Have I mentioned I love plot twists? Oh yes, Jim ruined everything, but as you said, if he hadn't done it, you wouldn't have something to read every weekend! I love Disney fairy tale happy endings; I love Freckles and Darren and this is their story; so you can totally believe they'll have a great and strong relationship, but maybe it'll take a lot of time. And no! It didn't sound pathetic! Don't you dare to think that! I love the fact you're a hopeless romantic. Romance and drama types of movies are my favorite! Maybe a lot of what I write is influenced on those movies I watched. Yes, it'll take a really long time till you get the happy ending, but the positive side is that you'll still have a lot of chapters to read! Well, I hope it's something positive! Don't worry because Darren/Freckles are my opt, of course. Yet, some things will happen with Brian, I wouldn't call it romance nor lovers; but something you'll see. I loved the way you tried to pair Brian off with someone! Oh, maybe he'll get more involved in the Starkid group... I already wrote something, yeah... Brian is gonna be happy, but it'll take time and for sure he's gonna be with someone really nice. Freckles or someone else? You'll see, haha. About Noah! Oh yeah, poor guy! If I were him, I'd have died of awkwardness! I really wouldn't have liked being in his place; and the poor guy had nothing to do with this.

GleeKof1: Well, good thing you want Darren and Freckles together! Because they're my otp, even though I like Brian. Ah! Maybe Brian will explode on her telling his feelings for her; but maybe not in the conventional way; Brian is different, he has another personality and other ways to express his feelings, this is for things that have happened to him that you'll find out within time. I don't think what you said is bad, and I don't think you should feel as a bad person. I actually think you're right... Brian should stop being so reserved, but well, that's his personality. So, on May you'll get a surprise update, maybe on my birthday I'll update! haha. Yes, I think I haven't showed the angry side of Freckles before, at least not this angry; and I wanted to show it, because we all have those moments of extreme angriness sometimes. And maybe this wasn't the best way to tell each other their feelings, but they finally did; it was something that needed to happen. Yes! Two abrupt kisses because I'm a bitch! haha. You talk and yell as they're in the story? Oh well, that's a really good thing for me that I make you get so into it! Otherwise, I guess it'd be boring for the reader to read the chapters. "Book"? Why like that? I must thank you for reading this!

vicky: Yes! I always love how you notice that despite the intense drama there are few good things! Yes, Mandy is back! And she'll be back in this chapter too! I needed to write about her, after all she's Freckles' sister and she needed to appear just as Jen appeared even if they're living in other states. It's funny how at first everybody hated Mandy and now you seem to miss her; I like it! I also like Stutter! But I think I shouldn't have used it that way in the story; I made it seem like it was a harsh song, and it's not like that! But it's just that some things fitted perfectly; and I want to put many of Darren's songs in the story! And I agree that from Darren's side was the best song to use but from Freckles' side the song was harsh. May I know why Brian's personality reminds you of yourself? I'm very curious, I know! I can't assure that things will get better for Brian, but he'll make it within time. Well, I mentioned Freckles' problems, but not in a direct way; and her problems aren't really her problems, but well, in this chapter those problems are gonna be mentioned. Yes! They literally exploded! And it happens in real life; everything going out of control and then… boom! Kiss. At least, as you said, they told each other their real feelings and it was time for them to do that. Ah! You're about to find out what's gonna happen after Darren kissed her!

PotterHead62: First off, this is your first review (if I'm not wrong), so I want to thank you a lot for reading this story! I hope you're enjoying it and I hope to keep you interested on this story. Now, thank you for saying this is amazing! I'm trying to make it interesting and not boring! And yes, I can leave it there with that precious hideous cliffhanger because I'm the devil itself in this human body. Please, don't think I'm creepy for the things I'm saying. I'm cruel, but I'm nice too! haha. Okay, I'll stop talking so you can read the chapter and finally find out what's gonna happen after that abrupt and unexpected kiss!

Caroline Boeira: haha, yes! Yes! Shit got crazy! The way they yelled at each other and the way Darren kissed Freckles while they were yelling and shit is crazy! But I agree, they needed that dispute, they needed to say their real feeling once and for all, even if it was with a fight. Now it's time to see Freckles' reaction to the kiss, and not only her reaction but also the reaction of all the people who were seeing them. Have you really wanted this situation to happen to you? That's amazing! I also always wanted it and never happened to me. It surely must be something like... Whoa, whoa! What is happening! Oh, so intense; haha, yes. You did wait a week to read the chapter! So now I hope you enjoy it... as you can! Until next week, Caroline!

Guest 2: I hope the waiting didn't kill you, otherwise you won't be able to read this, to read what's gonna happen now! It was one of the worst cliffhangers, right? When I wrote it, I actually didn't think it was one of the worst, but it turns out that it was. Ah! I'd love to be able to update more often, trust me. But I ain't got the time to write as much as I'd like, so unfortunately I can't do that. But I can update at least one Wednesday of each month; if I get to write more chapters. But unluckily I don't have much free time lately! Sorry!

Mockingjay-Potterhead-9: I don't think Sparkles has a lover! I mean, he should have told me that since he told me he wants to meet other unicorns because he feels alone! I told him that I know about Your Majesty, and now he's excited to meet her! He was even composing a song (he doesn't sing well, but it makes him happy so I just let him doing so, I thought Your Majesty would like to know this). Now I'll take a picture of him, and next week I'll give you the link, so Your Majesty can see how he looks like! And if she doesn't like him, at least they can be friends! I studied italian one year, and my teacher told me the same, she also told me that portuguese is very similar too, so it's hard to learn pretty well all of those languages. Na'vi! Ah! I never could learn it, it seems pretty hard, maybe I'm with stupid just as Britt t-shirt. Oh, don't feel ashamed because of that! I have a lot of friends who have done the same than you; they first watched the movies and they have recently read the books. The good thing is that they liked reading (I'm one of those annoying people who force other people to read, I don't know why I do that). Are you two weeks away from your exams? Oh god, you may be having a pretty hard time! Exams are a real pain in the ass, they give you no time for anything. So, I heartily wish you good luck with that! I hope everything goes well! Am I making you doubt too much if Brian is in love with Freckles or if I'm trying to fool you? Well, you definitely will find out the truth. But he does act suspiciously. Yes, if you see a guy crying it'll break your heart, trust me; so it's good that you haven't seen it. The other day I was with my mom walking and we saw an old man crying, it was heartrending and we shared this same opinion about the prejudice. It's unfair. I'm not one of these overly feminine women either, so I get your point and I loved what you said about all of us being equal, regardless of our appearance. And the gendering thing sucks, it only causes troubles and discrimination and well, I hate that. Don't worry, I got your point and I share your opinion. About the rain text! I don't know why I thought that, maybe because it was metaphoric and in high school I always got poor degrees when it came to write metaphoric texts. And Darren kissed her, right when they were yelling and all! How would Freckles and the people who were seeing them react? Time to know in this chapter! I hope you can enjoy it!

Okay, that was all guys! I thought I wasn't going to write too much, but well, I enjoyed your reviews and I couldn't help myself! Now, are you ready to read what will happen after that abrupt and unexpected kiss? Find it out in this new chapter! I hope you enjoy this new chapter, now… I wish you all a totally awesome week full of hot chocolate and candies! Warm fuzzies!

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Teenage Dream – Chapter 42 – The special list.

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I kissed her and I knew I shouldn't have kissed her; not after the way we treated each other. But I couldn't help it; it was an instinct. More than a kiss, it was like pressing my lips against hers while placing one hand on her jaw. She pushed me away in a harsh way and looked at me upset before she slapped me furiously. This was the first time she slapped me and I was in shock. I looked at her hurt as she was looking at me with tears in her eyes, really upset. Everybody was looking at me agape and stunned, but I wasn't looking at them, I was looking at Freckles.

"How you dare to do that, Criss!" She yelled with cracked voice. "I'm done with all of this." She said with cracked voice again, shaking her head.

I couldn't say anything; I was just feeling very guilty. I knew what I did was wrong, I knew that probably I deserved that slap; but still I was feeling sad. She turned around and started walking away.

"I'm sorry..." I said honestly with cracked voice, but it sounded more like a whisper.

She didn't listen to me or she pretended to not have heard me; because she kept walking away. Noah attempted to walk behind her, but Freckles noticed and again, without looking at him, she yelled with choked voice.

"Do not follow me! I wanna be alone!"

Noah looked at her and then he looked at me frowning, but he didn't say anything; he just left his own way. In the meantime, my friends were looking at me very serious and still stunned, but I wasn't paying attention to them. I was just looking how Freckles was walking away from me, alone. I felt really bad. This time maybe I really screwed everything; nothing went good this night; it was very different than what I thought it'd be when I planned it with Joey. Nothing was fun, everything was a real shit. I looked down and bit my lower lip while frowning. Then I attempted to follow Freckles, to stop her and to tell her that I was really sorry; but Joey placed a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Do not go after her. You really screwed it up this time." He said softly. He didn't sound mad, he just sounded worried.

"That was tough, dude." Joe exclaimed almost in a whisper.

"Congratulations, Darren." Meredith said sighing and shaking her head. "That was what you wanted, right?"

"No." I replied with cracked voice, still looking down and frowning, feeling very guilty.

Meredith didn't say anything else and she walked behind Freckles. Joe, Lauren and Joey started walking away, their own way, surely to come back to the North Campus. And I stayed there, standing, looking down, feeling like crap, now alone.

"I really regret what I did." I whispered with teary voice but no one listened. I was alone.

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"You've been very silent, Sunny. Is there something wrong?" Brian asked softly.

"No, everything is fine." You answered with a faint smile.

You were already on the plane on your way to Virgin Islands and indeed, you haven't talked at all. You just didn't want to tell Brian the dispute you had with Darren because he had more serious things to worry about and what happened with Darren was silly and inconsequential compared to all the things that were happening to Brian. So you just didn't want to worry him with this stupid thing. Yet, you were feeling bad; that dispute made you feel really bad and the way he kissed right away your dispute was making you feel bad too.

"Hey, don't lie to me, Sunny." Brian said softly again. You finally looked at him.

"It doesn't matter, Brian. It's something inconsequential." You answered with a faint smile again.

"It doesn't seem like it's something inconsequential. You've been really off and silent and you aren't usually like that." Brian insisted.

"Brian, really, it's something silly compared to what is happening to you." You answered softly, looking through the plane window again.

"Sunny..." Brian whispered apparently sadly, so you looked at him. He was looking down and he was frowning, and you knew he was indeed feeling bad. "Just because I told you what's happening to me and my dad, I don't want you to think that your concerns and troubles are less important, because they aren't. Saying someone can't be sad because someone else may have it worse, is just like saying someone can't be happy because someone else might have it better. I don't wanna think that what I told you is gonna change things and so then you won't tell me anymore what's happening to you, because that would make me feel bad." He said still looking down and then he bit his lower lip.

"Brian..." You said softly and moved closer to caress his hair. He looked at you now, so you smiled warmly at him. "It's not gonna change things, I promise." You said kindly and then you kissed his cheek as he closed his eyes and then opened them again. You rested your head on his broad shoulder. "I just had a dispute with Darren last Friday night. A really... Intense one."

"A dispute? How come? You were texting me that night, I remember, and you told me everything was going all right. Oh geez, what happened?" He asked confused and you sighed.

"We just said, more like yelled, to each other all the things and feelings we were keeping inside. He wrote a song about me, saying that I was never his friend and I was never his lover and he sang it in a crowded place. He told me rude things, I told him rude things; everybody looked at us... He told me he hated me, I told him that I hated him... He kissed me, I slapped him and I went away. Summing up, that's what happened." You explained and then you sighed and frowned.

"Why have you said that? Do you really hate him?" He asked frowning.

"No... I just said it because I was mad! He made me feel really bad and I'm sure I made him feel bad as well. Just... This thing between him and me isn't working. I'm just tired of it, I'm just tired of being a different person when he's around, I don't even recognize myself when I'm with him; somehow I turn into this nasty person and he also acts like a nasty person. Our relationship now is not good for neither of us. Maybe I should just walk away from him..." You said sadly, looking down.

"Is that what you really want, Sunny?" Brian asked but you didn't answer. "Maybe the solution is not to walk away; maybe the solution is to admit the fact that you both aren't being yourselves when together for some reasons. You need to find out which those reasons are and then have a talk in which neither of you are gonna yell, just a quiet and mature talk. Even if you both realize that is not gonna work, you'll feel better with yourself and you'll stop feeling bad." Brian said softly, looking into your eyes and smiling slightly.

You huffed and hugged him, still resting your head on his shoulder. He held you in his arms and caressed smoothly your arms with his thumbs.

"Maybe..." You sighed. "I'm just tired of all of this. I just want to disappear." You said gloomy.

"I do think that sometimes you think you want to disappear, but all you really want is to be found." Brian whispered and you looked straight into his eye.

Damn, he knew you way too much; he always knew exactly how you were feeling and what you were wishing, even if you never mentioned anything. How could he know all of that? He was the only one who could truly know everything about you, even the most secret things about you. You just didn't know how he could do that; but you were glad because he was your biggest support and he always knew what to say or do to cheer you up even when everything seemed lost. Yes, you'd never change your best friend.

"You're right about that." You said still looking into his green shiny eyes. "How can you know that?"

"I know you more than you can imagine." He smiled warmly, also looking into your eyes.

Wow, his eyes were really bright and there was the twinkle again. How come you never noticed before he always had a twinkle in his eyes whenever he was saying something nice? It was wonderful. But anyway, he was looking very deeply into your eyes and for some reason you felt a bit uncomfortable, so you looked away again.

"I really need to leave Darren behind because this is hurting me. And I'm aware that only by closing the doors behind you is when new windows open to the future. So yeah, I have to close that door that is my relationship with Darren, so I can find a new window where maybe something amazing for me is waiting to be found. I won't find it if I don't leave Darren and our story behind." You said trying to convince yourself.

"Umm... Just try not to close too many doors or then you won't be able to recognize yourself and you'll forget the way back." Brian said thoughtful.

"What do you mean with that?" You asked frowning, confused.

"That I agree that maybe closing a door is the way to open a new one. But closing a door, trying to force it, will end up hurting you more that if you don't close it." Brian said and you kept looking at him confused; you really weren't getting his point. "What I'm trying to say is that pushing Darren and your story together away, and locking that from you, is not the way; because he made you be the way you are now, somehow." Brian started explaining himself and you were listening to him very intently, yet you couldn't understand everything. "If you try to force your desire to leave him behind, you could be risking leaving behind a big part of you and when you realize that, maybe it'll be too late. Not only that, but you'll keep going and you'll leave Darren locked there with no way to escape, if you force it. If you want to put an end to your relationship with him because you think if you keep being like this things are gonna worsen; maybe the best option would be if you both close that door together and then you go different ways. But you need to do it with him, and for that a talk is necessary." Brian said and you looked at him, thoughtful. Maybe he was right; after all, everything he said had sense.

"Probably you're right, Brian, as always. But I don't know if I can do it, because I know how it'd end up; I'll end up suffering again and feeling down and I don't want it. I'm just tired of being sad. Lately I've been like that since I saw him again." You said gloomy, sighing, still hugging him.

"Listen, Sunny... Like the rainbow after the rain, something good always happens after experiencing pain. So, just dare to do it." Brian said with a warm smile, looking into your eyes. "The only thing you don't have to forget is that wherever you go, no matter the weather, always bring your own sunshine. Not for nothing I call you Sunny." He said smiling fondly at you and you smiled back.

"Aww, you're so sweet, Brian." You said smiling and nuzzling your nose on his neck before you kissed his cheek. He shivered when you did this, so you looked at him frowning.

"It's just... You tickled me." He answered a bit uncomfortable and you giggled softly and then you looked at him mischievously.

"What? Doing this?" You said mischievously and then you started nuzzling your nose on his neck again as he shivered again.

"Yeah, that..." He answered in a whisper with his eyes closed. You looked at him amused and frowning, you never saw someone who reacted like this while being tickled; it was weird. Then he opened his eyes again. "Stop, please." He said a bit uncomfortable.

"Okay..." You said amused and still frowning because of his reaction, and you stopped. "I didn't know you were a ticklish person."

"Me either. But well, it turns out that I am." He said shrugging and looking away, frowning slightly.

"Well, now I found a perfect way I could make you do what I want if there's something I want to get from you." You said smiling mischievously.

"You really don't have to resort to that if you want to get something from me. You just have to talk and you will always get from me what you want, it was always like that." Brian said in a whisper, still looking away.

"Is it really that easy?" You asked curiously.

"It's really that easy..." He answered again in a whisper.

"Does it mean that I have a super power?" You asked amused and he looked at you and chuckled.

"You have a super power, yeah." He said still chuckling and looking at you in a cute way.

"Can my super power be work on other people?" You asked still amused.

"I don't know." Brian replied shrugging. "But you'll always get me."

"That's good enough." You said smiling cheerfully and he looked at you deeply into your eyes; then he opened his mouth and was about to say something, but then he closed it again and looked away. "What? What were you going to say?" You asked intrigued.

"Nothing... I was about to retort you with a joke, but I couldn't think of anything good to say." He replied looking away, but he was a bit nervous. Anyway, you giggled softly.

"Don't worry, someday you'll win me. For now, I'm just gonna enjoy my victory." You said smiling victoriously.

"Ah! Why do I sense that I will never win?" He exclaimed with a sigh and you giggled.

"You love me anyway, don't you?" You asked amused and he looked straight into your eye again. He stayed silent for a while.

"Of course yes." He answered with a slight smile, still looking intensely into your eyes.

Brian and you kept talking about random things for a little more until you fell asleep. After a few hours, you finally arrived to Virgin Islands and Brian had to wake you up. Now you were very excited to get out of the plane. You've never been in this place, you only saw some pictures and it seemed to be a very beautiful place with awesome beaches. And you weren't excited only because of that, you were also excited because finally you were going to see Mandy again. You missed her so very much. But there was something that was worrying you and Brian wouldn't stop reminding you: You needed to tell her that you met Darren again. You were sure she was going to freak out and she was going to take it in a bad way; not to mention she was going to act in a very overprotective way. You only wished you could spend a good time in that amazing place next to your sister and your best friend.

"Mandy!" You screamed in happiness as soon as you saw your sister there, waiting for you and Brian.

Mandy came running towards you and Brian and she hugged both of you very tightly. It was good to be reunited again with two of the people you loved the most. Suddenly, all your bad temper faded away and for the first time in weeks, you didn't think about Darren.

---

I wasn't going to give up, not even after the twenty-five times I called her and she didn't answer me, not even after the twelve text messages I sent her and she didn't reply. Yes, I had her phone number since she called me that time to apologize; so I wouldn't stop trying to communicate with her. I knew that the most probably was that she wasn't going to answer me, but I needed to try. I wanted to apologize and this thing was like killing me because of my remorse. Now everybody, all of my friends, knew what happened that night; all of them already knew that Freckles wasn't a random girl of my high school but now they knew she was my girlfriend. Some of them were offended because I didn't tell them; some of them were just surprised; and some of them, especially Meredith, were mad at me. And all this time, all I did, was to try to be alone. Not because I couldn't deal with what they had to tell me, but because I needed to think about what happened and to think what I wanted from now on, to think how I was going to fix this. So there I was, on a Sunday, sitting against a random tree in the North Campus, alone, still trying to communicate with Freckles. The voicemail again.

"Hey Freckles, this is Darren... Listen, I'm sorry for being so insistent, but I'd really like to talk to you; I really wanna apologize. Please, call me or text me back. Please, I'm really sorry." I said for the twenty-sixth time.

I put my phone aside, I sighed and then I lay down in the grass, just to look at the sky and think about Freckles. Why was I doing this? I was supposed to feel happy of being able to see her face again; but it wasn't like that, I always felt bad and mad. I couldn't get why I was feeling so upset of seeing her moving on without me; I shouldn't feel upset, I should feel glad for her, I should feel happy because she was happy and that was what I always wanted for her. But the fact I was still stuck here, still dreaming of her, still dreaming of holding her in my arms again was making me feel down. This was selfish from me, I knew that but I couldn't help it. I knew that I needed to change my attitude, because this wasn't good either for me or her. Even if I was still feeling something for her, I had to let her go; even if it was hard, even if it was going to hurt me; I had to do it. Now maybe I could have a small chance to be her friend. But for that I really needed to change my attitude; admit that she was different now and be good with that; admit the fact that she didn't feel the same than me and not get mad about it; be ready to deal with things such as seeing her with another guy and not feel jealous; and minding the fact that I won't be allowed to call her names as baby, hug and kiss her like before, and just spend all the time with her. She had a life now and I had my life and I needed minding the fact that we weren't going to be the same as before; for that I could be her friend again, at least her friend. But to get all of that, I needed to be alone for a while and just focus on that. However, I needed to have my mind clear to get that; and for that I needed to apologize to her; so then maybe I could really be able to start again. So I tried to call her again, and over again, she didn't answer. I sighed and I looked at the sky again, therefore I started thinking about Freckles again.

"Here you are!" Joey said sitting next to me.

"We've been looking for you since hours." Julia said, also sitting next to me.

I didn't answer, I knew why they were looking for me and it was to talk about Freckles and what happened; it was what they were trying to do all this time, but I never said anything at all. First I needed to find out what I really wanted, so I couldn't talk to them about this because probably later I was going to change my mind.

"How are you, Darren?" Julia asked.

"I'm good." I answered still looking at the sky.

"Here, we brought apple juice." Julia said handing me a Minute Maid apple juice bottle. I was glad they didn't insist with that thing of telling me that I wasn't really good.

"Oh, thank you!" I said smiling slightly, grabbing the bottle.

"Yeah, we brought RedVines as well. Here, take some." Joey said handing me a package of RedVines. Now I started looking at them suspiciously.

"What's all of this about?" I asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, we just wanted to eat outside." Joey replied shrugging while eating a RedVine.

"Sure, like a picnic." I said nodding as I took a sip of apple juice.

"Exactly like that." Julia answered cheerfully.

They were hiding something; I knew there was something they weren't telling me or something they wanted to ask... This wasn't about a simple picnic, I knew them. Anyway, I played dumb.

"Oh, and we brought a notebook and a pen!" Julia exclaimed pulling out from her backpack a notebook and a pen. Yes, I was totally suspecting something. What were they up to?

"Yeah, and we brought this too." Joey said pulling out something from his backpack.

I recognized it instantly and I felt really upset. I looked at Joey frowning and serious, and I took it off of his hands abruptly, pulling it to me, holding it tightly against my chest while I looked annoyed at them. They brought the box that I had hidden in my closet, in which I had all the things related to Freckles: All the photos, notes, letters, songs, material things that belonged to her, everything. This was something very private, so I was mad at that; I was mad at the fact they've been digging my private things.

"What are you doing with this? This is something private, dammit." I said coldly, annoyed. "You shouldn't have poked all my private things. And I had this well hidden! How you dare!" I exclaimed in disbelief, still upset.

"Well, Darren, we've tried to talk to you about Freckles but you're reluctant to talk, so maybe this was going to work." Julia explained quietly. "We're trying to help you because you're not doing well."

"I don't care a damn shit! You broke in my privacy! This... This is unbelievable! You can do whatever you want to me, but not this!" I exclaimed really upset.

"We didn't open it, Darren; so calm down." Julia said softly.

"I don't care if you opened it or not! This was your idea, Joey! I know that! You were the only one who knew about this box!" I said looking at him madly, while pressing the box against my chest.

"Yes, it was my idea." He replied firmly. "And don't get mad, pal. We're only trying to help you."

"I don't want any help." I said coldly, looking away, still holding tightly the box against my chest.

"We don't give a damn shit if you want it or not. We're gonna do it anyway, because friends are just that stubborn." Joey said roundly. "And you're gonna do what we tell you to do."

"With no excuses." Julia added just as roundly.

"Excuse me? Are you forcing me? Please..." I said bitterly, still looking away.

"Yes, we are." Julia said.

"I won't do..."

"Shut up, Darren." Joey interrupted me. "We're not gonna force you to talk because we already know you don't want to do it, so we respect your decision."

"But we also think that if you continue keeping all those feelings inside you and you don't release your feelings, you're gonna end worse than you already are. Sometimes there's nothing worse than overthinking everything and act only with your brain. You need to release those repressed feelings somehow, and the best way is with a talk, but if you don't want it, okay... But you have to do something else, then." Julia explained and I was still looking away, feeling upset; however I was listening to them.

"Totally. So this is why we brought that box, the notebook and the pen." Joey added. "We thought that probably you would want to be alone. So..."

"So we thought that maybe you could feel good if we leave you alone with that stuff." Julia said. "The idea is that, once alone, you can open that box and take a look again of all the things that are inside it."

"Yeah, like a moment you take to remember all the things about Freckles." Joey said.

"Yep. So, take your time to look at all that stuff and just try to remember everything; try to remember how she was and what you experienced with her. Put into words what you feel when you see all of those things." Julia said.

"Right after, think about how she is now and ask to yourself what things of her had changed and what hadn't; ask yourself if you're still in love with her or if you're still in love with the person she used to be." Joey said.

"Right. And ask to yourself if it is worth it to be suffering because you can't have her or not. In case you find out you still love her, you truly love her the way she is now, ask to yourself if it is worth it or not to fight for her to get her back; then consider all the things you'd do to get that, all the things you'll have to do and all the things you'll have to risk to get it; ask to yourself if all of those things are worth it to do or not." Julia said looking fixedly into my eyes.

"And in case you find out that you don't love her anymore the way she is now; ask to yourself if it is worth it to keep her as a friend or not. Then ask to yourself, again, if it is worth it to keep thinking about her all the time and keep blaming yourself for all the things you've done or not." Joey said, also looking fixedly into my eyes.

"And after all of that, you'll be able to make a right decision because you'll know what actually you want. Put it all into words; all your feelings, memories and thoughts; it helps a lot to clear your mind that I'm pretty sure it's a mess right now." Julia said softly.

I thought about what Joey and Julia told me for a while. Actually their idea could work; maybe it was a good idea. Yet I was still mad at them because of what they did. Anyway, I was thankful they were helping me out, although I said I didn't want any help.

"I'm still mad at you." I said serious and Joey and Julia looked down and sighed. "But I'll try to see if this works. So, thank you anyway."

"You're welcome, buddy." Julia said smiling friendly.

"We'll leave you alone now... Just take your time, dude." Joey said and I nodded with a faint smile.

When Joey and Julia walked away and once they were out of my sight, I placed the box on the grass and I opened it. I stared at it without doing anything for a while. I grabbed the notebook and the pen and I started writing some stuff.

"I don't wanna see what's inside. I'm afraid that seeing all of those things again will open the wound that I'm trying to heal. I'm afraid to remember all the things we experienced and that vanished as our love faded away. I'm afraid of being the guy who still keeps everything of her while she's the girl that probably burned all the things that made her remind me. I know this could help me to get over her; but what if this makes me love her even more? What if this makes me feel bad because I can't have all the good things once I had with her? What if I still love her? I know she doesn't love me back. But I have to do it. I'll give it a chance."

I looked at the open box for a little more. I still couldn't see the things that were inside. I wasn't sure if this was a good idea because I was already feeling sad. Was I supposed to feel sad for our memories? Should it be a sad thing or not? Was this a good or bad sign? Damn, I really needed to do it. I couldn't be so stupid. I grabbed the notebook again and wrote more things.

"I've changed. I'm a different person now. I'm stronger. I can do it."

I moved the box closer to me and I grabbed the first thing that I saw. It was, of course, the photo of both of us; the photo we took when we just started dating. I saw it for a long time and I started remembering all of that day; we had our first dispute as a couple that day, but at the end everything worked out because we both loved each other so much to end everything. She looked precious in that picture, and she looked so different now. Man, that was my favorite picture. We were so young and so happy; we were innocent and we were hurt because of all we had to go through but there was hope and happiness in our eyes; because we were together. If only I could be so close to her like that time; if only I could make her smile so bright like in that moment; if only I could see those big and shiny eyes looking at me fondly again. I moved the photo to my mouth and I kissed it, as if I were kissing her lips again. I kept seeing all the pictures we had together: random pictures; funny pictures; cute pictures; a photo of the prom, gee, she looked flawless. I read all the notes she wrote me; I read the letters she wrote me; I saw her red hairband she once forgot in my house; the pink t-shirt I always lent her whenever she spent the night at my home; the first candy she gave me and I never ate; the moustache comb she gave me when I saw her again here; the paper in which I wrote the first song dedicated to her, called 'The coolest girl'; her favorite book of Sherlock Holmes that I read thousand times only because it was her favorite one; the small teddy bear I bought for her and I never had the chance to give it to her. The song I wrote for her and I still couldn't sing to her. There were so many things and I was feeling very thrilled, but I didn't want to cry. Instead, I grabbed the notebook and the pen.

"Things I loved about Freckles:

1. Her always adorable freckles, more noticeable in the sunlight.

2. Her big shiny and lovely eyes along with her long eyelashes. Those amazing eyes that could tell me things without the need of talking.

3. Her bright smile. It always made me smile even in those moments I was feeling really bad.

4. The sound of her laughter. It's so catchy.

5. Her perfect mouth. The taste of her lips, the pleasant feeling I had whenever I kissed them.

6. Her long hair. It was so soft.

7. Her kisses, caresses, and hugs. Just feeling the warmth of her body.

8. The way our hands fitted perfectly. I miss holding her hand.

9. The way her voice sounded while singing: A mellow voice out of tune.

10. The way she tried to play the guitar and her short fingers couldn't reach the strings.

11. The way she played with her fingers when she was nervous or uncomfortable.

12. The way she shifted her eyes when she was lying about something silly. She never was good at lying.

13. Her handwriting.

14. Her impeccable intelligence and cleverness.

15. Her kindness, humility and sympathy.

16. The way she inspires love, peace and hopes.

17. Her ability to give people second chances even when those people don't deserve it.

18. Her strength to keep going even when things are really bad and it seems all the hopes faded away. Her strength to keep going after all the shitty things she had to go through.

19. Her smell. How would I forget about her addictive smell?

20. The way she blushed whenever I said she looked gorgeous.

21. When she's mad, crosses her arms, frowns and huffs. It was so adorable that I always had to hold back my laughter.

22. The way my family loved her since the very first time they met her. It's impossible not to love her.

23. The way she is with kids. I'll never forget when she met Jen's cousin; even he loved her since the first time.

24. The way she believes that everybody is good at heart, despite everything.

25. Her clumsiness! Hell yeah!

26. The way she babbles and rambles when she's nervous. So damn cute.

27. Our very long talks about everything.

28. The way she called me Dare.

29. Her peaceful face when she's asleep.

30. Her face and especially her eyes whenever she watched the stars.

31. The way she always laughed at my silly jokes and more when she continued them.

32. Because she had an imaginary friend, her pillow, called Bobby. That was cute.

33. Because she's the only one who met my dragon Ted that lives in my bedroom in San Francisco.

34. Because she's able to forgive unforgivable mistakes that people make.

35. Her rosy cheeks and her silly giggle when she's tipsy.

36. Because she always said the perfect thing at the right time when I needed the most.

37. The way she dances. She's so good!

38. Because she's one of the few people that can rock a beret.

39. Because she's the only one who could make me feel million butterflies being farted out of a unicorn on my stomach.

40. Her beauty.

41. Because she was my best friend besides being my lover.

42. The way she always was herself no matter what.

43. Her sweet voice whenever she said me 'I love you'.

44. Because we had that special place where we kissed for the very first time and where we shared our fondest moments.

45. Her only presence next to me.

46. Because we had a special connection. Irreplaceable.

47. Her kind of love and affection that no one ever could give me.

48. Because with her I learned what real love is.

49. Because she changed my life.

50. Her heart of gold. Priceless. The best of her.

That's a long list and I'm sure there are still a lot of more things. I still think that the admirable thing is that she always could keep fighting and creating beauty in the midst of a barbarous and hostile world. I loved her with all my being. She was perfect to me. We shared so many things together, she was my real love. I do believe that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things, or people and we take them for granted, and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how much you need it; how much you loved it. I can't understand why it ended if what we had was one of the best things someone can have. Only one thing that happened changed everything maybe forever. I really thought we were meant to be together, why did it change? This is unfair. I still think that a love like that can be found only once. She was my world."

I couldn't help it but shedding a few tears after I wrote all of that, because I was impressed about all the things I could remember that were still there on my mind. And thinking about all those little things about her that I loved so much... Damn, if only I could have appreciated them more when I had the chance, when I still had her. But as Joey and Julia said, I still needed to think about the things of Freckles that have changed and also about the things that haven't changed. I read the list I wrote and I started a new list.

"Things about Freckles that have or have not changed:

1. The adorable freckles are still there. Always.

2. The big and shiny eyes are the same as always. But now when I look at them is different: Now she doesn't look at me in that lovingly way she used to look at me; now I can't find out what her eyes try to tell me. There's something different in her look that I don't like so much.

3. Bright smile. Yes. Still breathtaking. But sadly, most of the time, those smiles aren't directed to me.

4. The sound of her laughter is still catchy and amazing; but I haven't heard it so much.

5. Perfect mouth, always. I couldn't kiss her lips so many times as I'd have liked, she doesn't want it. But when I did, the taste and the feeling were the same as before, only that it wasn't a giving and receiving thing, it was only giving from me.

6. Her long hair doesn't exist anymore. She has short, very short hair now. It looks very sexy on her, but I kinda miss the long hair.

7. Her kisses, caresses and hugs; everything is gone now. She doesn't kiss me, she doesn't caress me and the times she hugged me, it felt as if it was only because she felt forced and not because she meant it.

8. Our hands still fit perfectly. But I'm not allowed to do that now.

9. Her voice singing is way better as I remember. She became a good singer; I totally love that.

10. Damn, she learned how to play guitar; her fingers now reach the strings. Yeah, she still has more to learn, but she's moderately good at it and I know she would master it eventually.

11. She still plays with her fingers when nervous. I still find it adorable, but maybe not much as before. Maybe it's only because I'm trying to forget her that I try to find lame excuses.

12. She still isn't good at lying at some things. But I think she's good at lying about other stuff. There's something about her that is just suspicious. I just have that feeling, I don't know.

13. Her handwriting. I still didn't have the chance to see it again. But surely it's amazing as always.

14. She is still the most intelligent and clever person I've ever met. And besides, she is into arts now and she's pretty good. That only makes her even more awesome.

15. Alright... I can't be objective about this. Maybe she is still kind, but with other people, not with me. I And I don't know, my friends tell me she is humble, but there's something new about her that makes me see her as if she was a bit conceited now; maybe because she's aware of her beauty and sexiness, she truly looks like a model now. And her sympathy... Sometimes. Definitely I don't see all those things she had before, she's different now about that and I don't like it so much. But she only acts different with me.

16. The way she inspires love? Oh no, I can't see it on her now. Well, actually she still says some nice things, but she doesn't inspire love, at least not in front of me.

17. Her ability to give people second chances? Well, she gave me a second chance but it didn't last. Maybe it didn't last because she actually didn't want to give that second chance. And anyway, she didn't believe me.

18. Yeah, definitely she still can keep going... She kept going without me.

19. She still has that addictive smell that drives me crazy.

20. I didn't tell her so much that she looked gorgeous because I didn't want to screw things, but she doesn't blush so much as before. Maybe because, as I already said, she is now pretty aware of her alluring features.

21. When she's mad she doesn't look adorable, she looks scary.

22. My family misses her. They still love her and they keep asking me about her... It's exasperating. Well, Chuck is the only one who doesn't ask because he knows it hurts me when someone mentions her.

23. I didn't see her with kids again. But I'm sure she is still as sweet as she was. She's a nice person, except when she's around me.

24. I can't know this. I don't know if she still thinks everybody is good at heart. Probably not otherwise she wouldn't have said she hated me.

25. She is still clumsy. That's not gonna change and I love that.

26. She still babbles and rambles when she's nervous. But she isn't nervous so often now. She's way more self-confident now. Maybe this is a good thing in terms she isn't so conceited.

27. Our very long talks? That was only in the past. We cannot have a long conversation anymore. That sucks.

28. She only called me Dare once now. It made my heart go wee. Literally.

29. She still has a peaceful face when she's asleep. It's beautiful.

30. Man, she still loves watching the stars and when I had the chance to observe her while doing that, I felt a huge feeling of love for her because somehow it made me remind to the old Freckles. Yeah.

31. Sometimes she laughed at my jokes and sometimes she continued them. But we didn't have so many fun times; most of the time we have crappy moments in which everything ends up in a bad way.

32. Bobby? I think it doesn't exist anymore.

33. Ted misses her, and more knowing that probably he won't see her again.

34. She did forgive me. But she didn't mean it. And it hurt. So much.

35. I only saw her tipsy once now; she still has rosy cheeks and a silly giggle. I really like that.

36. She didn't say anymore the perfect thing at the right time. Actually, she doesn't care about it anymore.

37. I couldn't see her dancing again. I wish I could, though.

38. She still rocks the beret. She looks like a French girl now with her short hair; man, she looks undoubtedly sexy with the beret. She is so sexy.

39. She still makes me feel the butterflies in my stomach. I think I'll always feel that whenever she is close to me.

40. She is still beautiful; so fucking beautiful. And sexy. And perfect. But she's way too skinny.

41. She's not my best friend and she's not my lover. We aren't even friends now. Fuck that.

42. Is she herself now? I don't know. I don't know her anymore.

43. I shouldn't have written that before because now I'm feeling like shit. She never said 'I love you' to me now. If only...

44. We still have that special place and we'll always have it... But now that place looks empty and sad without her; without us. How much can change the significance of a certain place?

45. I won't say anything about this because there's nothing to say, because her presence next to me is non-existent.

46. We lost the special connection. I hate that.

47. ... No words. Stupid me that wrote that.

48. Yeah, I still think that with her I learned what real love is, which doesn't mean that I still have it.

49. She changed my life. Yes.

50. Her heart of gold? Man... This is not helping.

Fuck. This didn't help at all. I'm more confused than before. So, based on what I wrote, what the hell do I need to do? I still don't know and I'm feeling like crap now. There are a lot of things I don't like about her now, but there are also things I still love about her; but then there's also the fact she acts different with me, she doesn't act in the same way with other people, she's nicer to other people. What does it mean? Am I the problem here? Is this all my fault? I can't know. She has changed for sure. If there was one thing I could answer is that I can't be in love with her, because actually I'm still in love with her the way she used to be, not the way she is now. But I still have this feeling in my chest when I see her... Maybe it was because before I couldn't see how much she changed; maybe now it is going to be different. So, maybe the accurate answer would be that I don't love her anymore. Maybe it's not worth it to keep thinking about her all the time, but I can't help it. Maybe it's not worth it to keep blaming myself for everything, maybe I should just enjoy the things I have and not complain and feel bad for the things I don't have. Maybe it's time for that. Is it worth it to keep her as a friend? Maybe it is. I just can't let her go, I can't walk away from her because I know that if I do it, I'll regret in the future. Am I screwed? Probably not. I just need to start a new life without her... At least without her as the girl I love. Maybe the better will be if I stop with this thing of getting her back, so I'll only remember her as a good thing that happened to me in the past and not as a bad thing. Maybe that's the solution of my problem. Yes. At the end, this thing worked; it was hard, but it worked. At least, I'm not so lost and confused… I wanna think that."

"Oh, snap! All this time I was trying to start over again with her. Now I realize, how could I get it if first I don't try to start over again myself? First I have to make that change to myself to be able to make the change with other person. Oh man, that is the real deal. Yeah, I, Darren Everett Criss, am gonna start over again to make of my life a totally awesome thing." I whispered to myself.

I looked around. Oh man, it was very dark already. I spent the whole damn day doing this; I didn't even realize that I took so much time. Right after I put in the box all the things about Freckles, I looked at my phone. Freckles didn't call me nor texted me back. Well, maybe she also needed time for herself. Anyway, now the only thing I wanted to do was to apologize. I was feeling a bit better now. I stood up to come back to my room. When I arrived there, Joey and Julia were talking about an assignment. I just walked in with a smile and they looked at me curiously.

"So? Did it work?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, I think it worked, yeah." I admitted, still smiling. "Thank you guys."

"You're very welcome, Darren." Julia said smiling friendly and she stood up to hug me. Of course I hugged her back and I giggled softly. "So, what do you think now?"

"Umm, well, I realized that sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory." I admitted when I remembered all the things I loved about Freckles and I didn't appreciate so much before.

"What does it mean?" Julia asked frowning.

"Well, that I found out a lot of things that I loved about her. So many things that I didn't even know." I replied smiling softly.

"Does it mean that you're still in love with her?" She asked again curiously.

"No, I'm not. I don't love her anymore. I just loved the way she used to be." I answered softly, shrugging and both Julia and Joey nodded. "Do you think people can change?" I asked thoughtful. I needed to be sure of this.

"Of course." Joey replied.

"What if you don't like that change?" I asked frowning, thinking about all the things Freckles changed.

"Then…maybe they aren't the person you knew." Joey answered shrugging. "But you also need to ask yourself why you don't like the change. Is it because of them or because of you?" Joey asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah... I think it's because of me..." I replied sighing, looking down. "The only thing I'm very sure about is that I shouldn't have to suffer for her."

"Oh, buddy; let me tell you something." Joey started saying and I looked at him again. "The ego says, 'I shouldn't have to suffer', and that thought makes you suffer so much more. It's a distortion of the truth, which is always paradoxical. The truth is that you need to say yes to suffering before you can transcend it." He said and I looked at him amazed. Whoa.

"Yeah... whoa. I never thought about it, but yeah, you're right, I guess." I said frowning slightly, thoughtful. "Whatever, I decided that the best is if I let her go. Not like letting her go forever and not see her again. I'll apologize and I'll like to be her friend. There are still a lot of things I like about her; maybe she and I can be friends. Who knows?" I asked shrugging. "But first I need to... let's say to restore myself. I think I should focus on the things that make me happy instead focusing on her."

"Well, seems a good decision." Julia said smiling friendly, still wrapping her arms around me. "Come back to be the goofy Darren we all know."

"Oh yeah! That will happen, let's call it goofy myself enhanced." I said laughing softly.

Yes, maybe this was going to be a good thing.

---

"Alright, Brian, one more shot in that pose!" Mandy yelled while Brian was in the warm water, posing in swimsuit.

You were right next to Mandy, also in swimsuit, looking at Brian while the professional photographer was taking the photos and Mandy was directing it. She already took all the photos of you with all of her new line of swimsuits for women. You looked at Brian and you giggled softly. He seemed to be so uncomfortable and nervous, and it was cute. You couldn't understand why he would feel embarrassed if he actually had a really good toned and muscular body; he was really sexy.

"Brian, can you please stop making those faces? Come on, you look good like that!" Mandy yelled when Brian frowned.

"I look ridiculous!" He yelled still frowning.

"Of course not! You're sex on a stick!" You yelled while giggling.

"Well done, sister! Now he's blushing!" Mandy reproached you and you shrugged and laughed louder. "Come on, Brian!"

You sat on a deck chair and grabbed your bottle of water while still looking at Brian. Now you started thinking about the talk you finally had with your sister. You finally told her that you met Darren again and you told her all that happened, absolutely everything, since you met again. She didn't seem so happy for this, but she said she was thankful because you told her everything. Mandy didn't want you to see him again because she didn't want to see you hurt again, and she tried to convince you to find another guy. Anyway, you told her to not interfere in your decisions; this was only something between him and you; she could tell you advices and all, but she should respect your decisions because you were old enough already. Of course she didn't like it so much, but she accepted it. She only told you to be careful because she didn't believe in Darren and his version of why he disappeared either. Brian was there when you told her everything, but he didn't comment anything; he only said that he respected and supported all you decided to do and that he was going to take care of you when Mandy asked what he thought about it. Anywise, you told Mandy that you didn't want to talk about it anymore because you wanted to enjoy your days here in the Virgin Islands. It was such a fantastic and paradisiac place, the beaches were simply amazing and beautiful, the weather was warm and nice; the people were kind, spirited, cheery and lively; the citrus fruits were delicious, the reggae music was amazing and funny, the local arts was outstanding. You just loved the Caribbean atmosphere; it made you feel very cheerful and happy.

"Alright, alright, so good!" Mandy yelled at Brian. "You can come back and rest a little, you were amazing!"

Brian nodded and started walking towards you, surely to sit and drink some water. You looked at him very intently while he was walking. Wow, he was really handsome and more with his wet body and his slight tan. Then he finally sat on the deck chair next to you and grabbed his bottle of water to drink it. Meanwhile, you were still staring at him. His green eyes looked beautiful and bright in the sunlight, and his hair wet while drops were falling down his face made him look appealing. He finally looked at you with his very amazing green eyes and frowned slightly.

"What?" He asked while licking his lips because he spilled a bit of water. You only smiled at him.

"Nothing, I was just admiring your beauty." You replied still smiling and he looked away, blushing. You couldn't help chuckling. "It's so cute when you blush."

"Oh, stop it. You know I don't like when you say things like that." He said uncomfortable, still looking away and now taking another sip of his water, hence why your gaze shifted to his mouth.

"Yes, and you know that I don't understand why you don't like when I tell you that you're handsome and cute. You really are, Bri, and you shouldn't feel ashamed of it." You replied, still staring his mouth while he was licking it again. "I'm sorry; do you know how to drink water?" You asked while chuckling.

"What? Why are you asking that?" He looked at you frowning.

"It's just... Every time you drink water, you spill it so you lick your mouth. It's... funny." You said still chuckling; actually you wanted to say sexy, but he wouldn't like to hear that again.

"Oh, are you making fun of me?" He asked amused and then he bit his lips to hold back his laughter, so, inevitably, your gaze shifted to his mouth again. What was wrong with you? Fortunately, Mandy saved you.

"Guys, now I need you both to go there again. We need to take some shoots of you together." Mandy said.

"Okay!" You said quickly standing up.

You walked to the shore and you first soaked your feet. The water was really warm and pleasant and it was really crystalline; it was beautiful. Brian walked behind you and he finally reached you with a slight smile.

"Okay, go deeper! Sister, until the water covers your knees." Mandy yelled and Brian and you walked deeper. "Okay, now Brian, stand behind her. I want you both to look at this direction." Mandy yelled again and Brian did so. "Alright now, Brian, place both of your hands on her waist." Mandy demanded.

Brian, shyly, placed his hands on your waist. You chuckled softly because you couldn't believe that after all the time you spent together as best friends, he was still ashamed or nervous when it came to touch you. You couldn't understand why, though, because you were constantly hugging him.

"And you sister, I want you to place your right hand on Brian's arm and your left hand on the nape of his neck." Mandy demanded again and you did so. "Cool, now, Brian, move your head closer to her; and I want you two to stare into each other's eyes." Mandy said and Brian did so a bit uncomfortable. When he looked into your eyes you smiled amused because he seemed to be really uncomfortable. "No, not like that! Brian, rest your forehead on hers. And you sister, open your mouth slightly. I want a sexy impression." Mandy yelled.

Brian looked at Mandy serious and huffed; but he did it. He rested his forehead on yours while still looking into your eyes. You giggled softly again.

"What is so funny, may I ask?" Brian asked frowning.

"Nothing, it's just I don't know why you seem to be so uncomfortable. This is just a photo-shoot, Bri. Just relax." You said smiling amused.

"Well, unlike you, this is new for me. I don't like this." Brian answered frowning and sighing.

"Umm... Well then, just imagine that you're alone here with a sexy lady... Hmm, maybe you could picture that I'm Angelina Jolie; that way you'll act naturally." You said laughing softly and Brian giggled softly, shaking his head.

"Well, you're not Angelina Jolie." He said raising an eyebrow, looking into your eyes.

"I know! I wish I could be like her... But just picture it!" You exclaimed.

"That's silly, that you want to be like her." Brian said still looking into your eyes.

"What? Don't you like her? Do you like any other type of girls?" You asked curiously.

"No, yeah, I like her... It's just that you... Just leave it there." Brian said sighing and he looked away.

"Brian! Look into her eyes! And stop talking for a little! It's gonna get dark and we need to finish this, guys!" Mandy suddenly yelled.

So Brian looked into your eyes again and you smiled faintly at him before you opened your mouth slightly as Mandy demanded. She wanted a sexy photo, so you tried to do your best to make it like that. You knew Brian wouldn't do anything because he was uncomfortable, so you had to help him. You pressed your hand on the nape of his neck and you pulled his face even closer to yours. Brian looked at you disconcerted and nervously, but he didn't stop you. With the hand you had on his arm, you made him place his hands more firmly on your waist, and then you placed that hand on his right hand and intertwined your fingers with his. He was still looking into your eyes nervously. You lifted your head to be even closer to him and you touched his nose slightly, as your lips were now very close. You looked at his mouth, he was biting his lower lip; and then you looked into his eyes as Mandy wanted. Brian was really uncomfortable.

"It'll take just a few seconds, don't be nervous. And open your mouth as Mandy wanted or she'll get mad." You whispered softly.

Brian nodded and gulped, still nervous; but he opened his mouth slightly and stared into your eyes with his bright green eyes. You heard the sound of the camera taking the photos already, and you tried not to move. Looking into his eyes like this was making you feel weird. Yes, you looked into his eyes several times but you were never so close to him, except for that time he kissed you. Damn, you remembered that kiss and now you felt nervous too. Maybe this was why he was nervous, because he also remembered that and how awkward that was. This is your work, you tried to remind all the time; this is only for work.

"Excellent, guys! That was great!" Mandy yelled.

Brian quickly stepped away from you and looked away. You looked at him frowning and looked away as well. Why would he feel like that? Was that something you've done or said? Maybe he didn't like the comment of Angelina Jolie or something. Then Brian started walking to the shore, silently.

"Oh no, Brian! Stay right there. We need one more photo for the cover and then you'll be free!" Mandy stopped him abruptly. "The photo for the cover must be an artistic one, so I want you both to go even deeper. Brian, until the water covers your shoulders."

"Sister, I can't go with him. You know I can't swim." You yelled.

"Well yes, I know. Brian, you'll have to take her there and hold her, can you do that?" Mandy yelled.

"Sure." Brian replied, still looking away.

Brian walked to you again. You started walking separated until the water covered your shoulders; you stopped abruptly and you started feeling panic. You remembered the time you drowned when you were in that lake in Munising. It was an awful memory and you couldn't help feeling that it was going to happen to you again. You couldn't do this.

"Hey, are you okay?" Brian asked concerned when he saw your panic face.

"No. I can't do this. I'm gonna drown." You said still feeling very scared. Brian only walked to you and he placed his hands on your shoulders.

"You won't. I won't let you drown, Sunny." He said reassuringly, but you were still scared.

"No, I can't do this. No." You refused strongly, trying to walk to the shore again; but Brian pulled you to him softly.

"Hey, you need to stop being afraid of water. Nothing bad will happen. It's not like you're gonna go there alone, I'm going with you and I'll hold you. So don't be afraid." He said reassuringly again. "Come on; wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my waist. I'll take you there and I won't let you."

"Please, swear that you won't drop me." You said with trembling voice.

"I swear, Sunny." He replied softly with a friendly smile.

"Okay." You said very low.

You wrapped your arms around Brian's neck and your legs around his waist while he took you firmly by your waist. You relaxed a bit because you knew that Brian was really strong and he wasn't going to drop you. It felt safer being in his arms than in Darren's arms, because Darren was really tiny and Brian was really muscular. He started walking slowly until the water covered his shoulders, there he stopped. Another thing that made you feel a bit safer was the fact that you could see the bottom because of the crystalline water.

"So, how do you feel?" Brian asked and you looked up at him. He was smiling slightly and he was looking at you in a cute way that made you feel relaxed.

"Oddly enough, I feel good." You replied honestly.

"I told you, there's nothing to be afraid of." Brian said sweetly.

"Yeah, but still, don't you dare to let me." You warned and he chuckled softly.

"Of course I won't." He said still chuckling but you were too distracted looking at his green eyes. Somehow they looked brighter than ever. It was surely the sunlight.

"Guys!" Mandy yelled with a megaphone because you were far. Both of you looked at her. "I want you two to immerse in water, so your hair will be wet!"

"Oh geez, we really have to do that?" You asked in disbelief, but only Brian could listen to you.

"You know she's very bossy and we have to do that or she'll kill us." Brian said and you giggled softly. He was right. "Come on, I won't let you and it'll take only few seconds."

"Fine." You said and you took a deep breath as Darren taught you.

Brian immersed in the water and he did it with you. As he said, it only took few seconds, because he quickly pulled you up. You wiped away the water drops of your eyelashes that prevented you to see and you looked at Brian. He was looking fixedly at you and you only smiled slightly, and then looked away. His gaze was really piercing and he wouldn't stop looking at you that way.

"Good! Sister, keep your arms wrapped around his neck. Brian, place one hand on the back of her head and tangle your fingers on her hair. Good." Mandy spoke with the megaphone once you both did what she said. "Brian, lean your head, move your face closer to her. Yes, that, I want you to touch slightly your noses. Good." Mandy said while you were doing exactly what she was saying. "And now you both close your eyes and kiss."

"What?" Brian yelled in disbelief, looking at Mandy frowning, completely breaking the pose. You also looked at Mandy in disbelief. "I'm not doing that, Amanda!"

"Come on, it's an artistic photo!" Mandy spoke with the megaphone again. She seemed to be a bit irritated.

"This has nothing to do with the swimsuits you want to show! This has no sense!" Brian yelled, he seemed to be upset.

"Brian, I'm the director here! This is for the cover and we need an artistic photo. So just do it!" Mandy replied and she was indeed irritated.

"I won't do that!" Brian yelled again, firmly. You looked at him and then you grabbed his chin to make him look at you.

"Hey, it's alright. We don't even have to kiss, it's just press our lips together." You said softly and Brian looked intensely into your eyes; he was nervous.

"I don't wanna do that. This will be awkward for you and I don't want that." Brian replied, now looking away.

"Brian, it's part of our work, it won't be awkward. It's fine for me, really." You assured and you noticed he gulped and looked down. You grabbed his chin again and made him look at you. "Come on, just let's do it. It won't take so long."

"Okay..." He whispered nervously.

You returned to the pose: he placed his hand on the back of your head and tangled his fingers in your hair, he leaned his head and your noses touched slightly. So you both closed your eyes but he didn't move, so you had to press your lips against his. He shivered when you did this and you could feel his heart beating fast against your body.

"Passion! The name of the new line is passion, so I need passion! Kiss each other in earnest! Come on, is just a kiss and you're best friends, it shouldn't be a big deal!" Mandy spoke with the megaphone again. For some reason she was annoyed.

Maybe you weren't doing right your work. Brian was about to look at Mandy to start arguing again, but you stopped him. You were the one who started kissing him. You placed a hand on the nape of his neck and pulled him closer to you. He got strained when he realized what you were doing and his heart started beating even faster. Of course he didn't kiss you back because he was puzzled for what you were doing. But when you started running your fingers through his hair, he placed one hand on your cheek and the other one remained tangled on your hair, and he started kissing you back. His lips were wet because of the water, but were soft and warm. For some reason you started feeling a tingly in your stomach, it was weird to being kissing your best friend and he was surely feeling the same. Anyway, you kissed passionately as Mandy wanted for the photo. He was breathing heavily against your face and you started doing the same, more when he introduced his tongue in your mouth. You shouldn't be enjoying this kiss the way you were doing; you shouldn't be feeling like this, like you wanted to keep kissing him. Dammit, he was your best friend. You definitely shouldn't feel like this. But you convinced yourself that it was only because you haven't kissed anyone in a while. And Brian was a really good kisser.

"So damn perfect! We're done, guys!" Mandy exclaimed happily now.

Yet Brian and you kept kissing. You needed to stop because that was all that Mandy needed, but somehow you wanted to keep kissing him. It was just feeling so good, the way you were feeling. Damn, the last time you felt that tingly in your stomach was when Darren kissed you. Of course, no kiss could be compared to Darren's kisses, because Darren meant a lot to you; but Brian was even better than Ian.

"Okay, guys. You really can stop kissing now!" Mandy said.

Brian was the one who broke the kiss when he realized that actually you were carrying away and that shouldn't happen. He looked deeply into your eyes with his lips parted, it was a weird look and his big green eyes were mesmerizing for you. Wow, he was truly beautiful. He bit his lower lip and looked away, he was feeling nervous again.

"You're a good kisser, Brian." You whispered and you didn't even want to say it loud, but you couldn't help it. He felt even more nervous now.

"You too." He whispered shyly, still looking away and you smiled slightly. "Okay, we... We should come back to the shore."

"Yes, we should." You said with bated breath.

So Brian started walking with you still in his arms in silence, until you reached a part of the sea in which you could touch the bottom with no trouble. He left you there and you looked at him, but he was still looking away. He started walking alone to the shore and you followed him, wondering why he would act with you that way. Maybe he didn't like your comment that he was a good kisser, maybe he didn't like at all the way you kissed him after you said it was going to be only pressing lips together. But it wasn't your fault, Mandy was the one who asked for that; yeah, it was your fault that you kept kissing him after Mandy said it was over, but even you couldn't understand why you did it. Maybe you should apologize, but when you get the chance to be alone with him.

"Here guys, take a towel." Mandy said handing you and Brian one towel for each one. "You were amazing. Definitely you two are my favorite models. Good job, guys!" Mandy said cheerfully and you and Brian just smiled slightly.

---

It was the Labor Day, a Monday afternoon already and Freckles didn't call me back. I had no idea why she wouldn't do that if texted her already like thousand times that I only wanted to talk to apologize. So, if she wasn't going to take my calls or anything, I was going to look for her. So I decided to go to Meredith's room to talk to Freckles. I didn't want to go there before because Meredith was still kind of upset with me for what I did. But well, I really needed to go. When I knocked the door, Meredith opened the door and looked at me serious.

"Hi, Mere." I greeted kindly.

"Hi, Darren." She greeted and turned around to sit on the table.

But she left the door opened, so it meant that I was allowed to get in and I did so. I closed the door behind me and I stood there, feeling a bit uncomfortable. Meredith was apparently reading something, so she didn't look at me at any moment and she didn't say anything at all.

"Can I sit?" I asked kind of shyly. She only nodded. I walked to the table and I sat in front of her. "What are you reading?" I asked to try to start a conversation.

"Contemporary American Theatre & Drama." She answered, still reading.

"Oh, I read that already and I summarized the text. If you want I can lend it to you, so you won't have to read the whole thing." I offered politely.

"No, I want to read the whole thing. Thank you, anyway." She replied curtly and kept reading.

"Mere, I'm sorry." I apologized and she finally looked at me; she was still serious.

"You shouldn't apologize to me; you should apologize to Freckles." She answered, still looking at me.

"Yes, I know. That's why I came here. But anyway, I owe you an apology as well. That night I promised you that I was going to apologize to Freckles and I ended up arguing with her. I broke my promise, so yeah, I owe you an apology." I answered softly.

"Okay, fine. I forgive you." She answered curtly and I sighed.

"You really aren't forgiving me; you're just saying it to make me shut up. I know you, Mere." I said looking at her.

"Yes, you're right." She admitted and I nodded. "I just don't understand why you acted like that with her. I told you she wasn't doing well, and you made her feel worse. She didn't deserve that. And to make things worse, you kissed her after you told her you hated her. Why did you do that, Darren?" Meredith said it all abruptly. I just propped my forehead on my hand and I sighed.

"Because I was confused, and being confused made me feel angry and sad. Therefore, I said rude things I didn't mean. And I kissed her because I wanted to; because I thought I was really still in love with her; because she meant like a lot, really a lot, to me. And seeing her so mad, so sad, so beautiful; I felt I was losing her for real and I didn't want because all I wanted was to keep her close; so I kissed her. In the moment I kissed her, I knew I was wrong." I answered honestly. "I was a mess, Mere. I was feeling lonely because I knew she didn't love me anymore; I was feeling mad because I couldn't do anything about it; I was feeling sad because she could move on and I was still stuck with my feelings for her; and I was feeling desperate because I sensed how she was moving away from me and I wanted her to move closer to me. And I had no better idea than kissing her. That's why I did it." I answered looking down, biting my lower lip.

"Now I can really forgive you." Meredith said, placing a hand above mine and smiling slightly.

"Thank you." I said smiling faintly.

"Why don't you talk to her about this, in a peaceful way? She needs to know that and it'll also help you. Maybe if you talk to her, you will find a solution for what you're feeling and maybe the confusion will fade away." Meredith said softly.

"Yes, I want to talk to her. But I'm not confused anymore, now I know what I want. I found it out these two last days that I've been alone. I had time to think over, and I realized that I'm not love with her, I'm in love with the girl she used to be, as you all tried to tell me all this time; I finally realized it... for real, this time." I replied softly.

"Does it mean you don't feel anything for her now?" She asked curiously.

"No, it doesn't mean that. I'll always have feelings for her because she was the most special person I've ever had; because she was my first real love. But I'm not in love with her anymore." I answered sincerely and Meredith nodded.

"Hmm, I see. When Freckles told me your story, I thought you were so cute, and you look cute together. I must admit that deep inside me, I wanted you to get back together again. I guess it won't happen." Meredith said and I looked at her with a slight smile.

"No, it won't. But is better this way, you know, to keep her as my best memory and not as a bad memory." I said and Meredith nodded. "I decided that I'll finally move on, and just see what is out there expecting me to find, you know? You never know if there can be someone else; maybe I'll fall in love again with someone else, eventually. And I know she also will. And that's fine."

"I guess that's hard for you to say and do." Meredith said thoughtful, frowning slightly.

"Yeah, it is; it's really hard. But I know it's the best, both for her and for me." I answered shrugging and still smiling slightly. "Yet, I wanna be her friend. There are still things I like about her; I think she's a cool person and it'd be sad if I just walk away and miss the chance of being friends with an amazing person."

"Are you sure that you can do that, Darren? Won't it make you feel confused again?" She asked worried.

"Yes, Mere; I'm sure I can do that. Now I'm sure of which my feelings for her are and what I want. I won't get involved with her again. We had our moment and it was awesome; I wouldn't like to screw it up. Now I can see that; and now I feel fine, for real, for the first time since I grew apart from her." I answered honestly. "So yeah, I feel different and it's a good feeling."

"I'm glad for that, Darren." Meredith said smiling brightly and I smiled back at her. "Have you already tried to talk to her about this? So maybe you can clear things up."

"Yeah, I tried. I texted her like twenty times and I called her like... I don't know, like thirty times." I answered raising an eyebrow and Meredith looked at me agape, raising her eyebrows with eyes wide open. "Yeah, sounds crazy; and I really did that. But she wouldn't answer me and she wouldn't call me back. That's why I'm here, but it seems she's not here right now." I said looking away, sighing.

"That's because surely her phone is out of range. She's not here; she's in the Virgin Islands since Saturday." Meredith answered and I looked at her surprised.

"What? Is she in the Virgin Islands? What the hell is she doing there? Whoa, she's lucky!" I exclaimed still surprised. So that was the reason why she didn't take my calls. Well, I didn't feel so bad now.

"Yes, she's there for work." Meredith replied.

"For work? Does she have a job? I didn't know that." I said frowning, surprised and very intrigued now.

"Yes, she has one. But it's not a constant and daily job... She's a commercial print model and an art model; for her sister that has a clothing company." Meredith answered.

"Whoa, wait! That's a bunch of new information!" I exclaimed puzzled. "Is Freckles a freaking model?"

"Well, yes, she is. I don't know why you're so surprised, though. Freckles has the perfect features to be a model." Meredith said shrugging.

"Hell yeah, I agree. But it's really weird for me. I mean, I knew her... She wasn't the kind of girl who had the self-esteem to do something like that. She was very shy and she had a low self-esteem. So yeah, I'm really surprised; I'd have never imagined that she could ever be a model." I said still very stunned. "Well, that explains lots of things..." I said thoughtful, thinking about her obsession with healthy food, her sexy underwear, her totally toned body... Yeah. "And Mandy? Mandy has a clothing company? Really?"

"Mandy! Freckles told me her name but I couldn't remember!" Meredith exclaimed. "Yeah, she has. Where do you think Freckles gets all of the awesome and exclusive clothes, shoes and bags she has? Her sister designs it all."

"Whoa! That's pretty cool. Mandy was always good for that stuff, but I didn't know she could get her own clothing company so soon." I said stunned.

"Yes, Freckles told me she got a really good reputation at college and one professor encouraged her to start her own company. It worked really well; she's kind of famous in L.A. now because of her extravagant and transgressors designs. Lots of people like it." Meredith said smiling.

"Oh man, that's... crazy! I knew Mandy was going to be really good at it. I knew it; she was like the most popular girl at high school and she always had this especial sense of fashion." I answered smiling because it was awesome to hear news like those. "Shit, man! There are like a lot of things I still don't know about Freckles... She doesn't cease to amaze me."

"Well, now you know a bit more." Meredith said shrugging.

"Yeah..." I whispered nodding. What else could I find about her? I was intrigued. She was definitely very different now. "So I guess I'll have to talk to her later. When is she coming back here?"

"Tomorrow. But she's not coming back here." Meredith said and I looked at her very confused.

"What do you mean?"

"She's gonna move to his friend's room."

"With Brian?" I asked intrigued and still confused.

"Yes, with Brian."

"Why? Did you guys have an argument or something?" I asked curious.

"Oh no! Not at all. She's moving there because of two reasons. First off, she always had in mind to move with him, but she couldn't before because Brian already had a roommate. Then, there's the fact that Brian is having economic troubles and she will help him to afford the room. See? That is why she wasn't doing well lately, her friend Brian has really serious problems; he's going through a really shitty situation. That's why I took her to the Blind Pig with me, to distract her..." Meredith said and I suddenly felt really guilty.

"Brian is having troubles? What kind of troubles?" I asked very intrigued.

"I don't think I should tell you that, Darren. I'm sorry, but if there's one person that can tell you that is either Freckles or Brian." Meredith answered quietly.

"Oh yeah, I get it." I said nodding, but I was still very intrigued to know what could have happened. "Is there any chance I can see her before she moves out?"

"Yes, maybe... She still needs to come here and pack all of her stuff." Meredith replied.

"Good, then I'll come back tomorrow." I said.

Yes, I was feeling good with the decision I made. I only wanted Freckles to forgive me, so maybe that way I was going to be able to start something new, this time with someone else. Maybe there was going to be another girl for me, just as Freckles was in that time; and maybe, someday, I could be best friends with her. Yeah, I'd love that.

---

It was already night and you just took a super relaxing bubble bath for the last time in the Virgin Islands. Now your body smelled of soap and your hair smelled like coconut; you loved that. You took like more than half-hour in the bubble bath because you were very thoughtful. You wouldn't stop thinking about the kiss with Brian and the way you felt; and you tried to find a logical explanation for that. You came to the conclusion that you felt like that because of the simple fact that you were feeling lonely and Brian was your best friend, so it wasn't like kissing a stranger; you had feelings for Brian, feelings of deep love but only as a friend; so maybe that made you feel confused. When you thought about the kiss, you couldn't help thinking about Darren; you started to think and remember how his kisses were. No one ever kissed you like him, not even Ian, not even any other random guy you met last year. And Brian's kiss made you remember it; that was insane. Yes, definitely it must have been because there were feelings involved; but you had feelings for Ian, yet he never made you feel that way whenever he kissed you. Damn, you really needed to stop thinking about it. Brian was your best friend and you were feeling lonely, so for that you felt that way when you kissed each other. You finished dressing up and you decided to walk to the living room to talk to Brian. You were about to get in, but something stopped you abruptly. Mandy and Brian were talking, apparently about you. So you did something you shouldn't have done. You stayed standing there, hiding, and trying to listen to the conversation.

"Ugh, Brian." Mandy exclaimed as though she was irritated.

"Do not say that, do not say 'ugh, Brian'; because you know I'm right. It was completely inappropriate and unnecessary." Brian said severely. He seemed to be upset. "You made us kiss on purpose, Mandy! You did it on purpose!"

"Oh come on! Tell me, why would I do that on purpose, eh?" Mandy asked annoyed.

"You know exactly why!" Brian yelled angrily, but also exasperated and distressed. You only frowned because you couldn't understand what was happening and what they were talking about.

"Well, yes, I know why. But do you know why I did that? Because you need to stop being insecure! You need to say that for once and all, Brian! You need to understand that keeping it inside you is not good for you." Mandy exclaimed kind of concerned and anguished.

"No, Amanda. You are the one who needs to understand that I won't say it ever and you must respect my decisions. So stop doing those things, because it's not right!" Brian said almost in a supplicant way.

"What you're doing is not right, Brian!" Mandy exclaimed really loudly.

"Sorry, but I think I'm doing the right thing. And I am fine this way. You cannot force something that will never happen; I know it'll never happen and you also know it'll never happen! And we're good just the way we are right now!" Brian exclaimed loudly and his voice cracked a little. Seriously, what were they talking about? This had no sense for you; there was something you didn't know.

"You're not good the way you are right now; because somehow you're lying to her! And of course nothing will ever happen if you don't tell my sister that..." Mandy started saying and you tried to sharpen your ear to hear clearly, but Brian interrupted her; so you couldn't know it.

Tell you what? Was Brian lying to you? About what? Why would he lie to you, anyway? You never lied to him, and knowing that your best friend was lying to you was hurtful. And what was that thing that will never happen? They were sharing a secret and you didn't know it; you thought you knew everything about your best friend and it wasn't like that. You were feeling kinda disappointed.

"Shut up, Amanda!" Brian said almost yelling. "I'm not lying to your sister. I'm just hiding that part because I know this is the best for the two of us. And yes, I may be feeling bad, really bad. But I'd rather to deal with this distress only by myself than making her feel distressed as well. I only want to see her happy, not to see her sad." Brian said and his voice cracked again, as though he was anguished. Why would he make you feel distressed? What was he talking about? Geez, you needed answers.

"But Brian, you need to tell her that hearing her talking about Darren all the time is hurting you; you should tell her to stop talking about him with you. The same happened with Ian, for god's sake. And you even keep advising her. That's not good." Mandy said kind of upset and still kind of anguished.

So Brian didn't like you to talk to him about Darren or Ian? Really? You didn't notice that. He should've told you. Now you were feeling a bit mad at Brian because he didn't tell you that; but you were also feeling guilty because you were literally talking about Darren all the time and you never realized this was like annoying or something to Brian. It was just that you couldn't talk about this with anyone else.

"I won't tell her that, Mandy. It doesn't hurt me to hear her telling me things about Darren or telling me things about how she's feeling. I love when she does that; I love to hear that she's being happy and I love giving her advices when she needs them. You'll never understand that only that is what matters to me, will you?" Brian said softly and you felt a bit better. Brian was truly a good friend, always so caring and sweet.

"But you love my sister, Brian." Mandy said distressed and you frowned slightly.

"Of course I do; she's my best friend." Brian replied and you smiled faintly. It was nice for you to know that you were his best friend just as he was your best friend.

"I didn't mean it that way and you know it." Mandy said kinda frustrated, sighing. "Brian, you should tell her that you are..." Mandy started saying and you sharpened your ear again.

"Stop it, Amanda." Brian interrupted Mandy and you huffed frustrated; you really wanted to know what all of this was about. "I made this decision a long time ago and I strongly believe that is the best thing to do. So stop insisting. Please."

Enough, you really needed to know what was going on and what they were talking about, because you certainly couldn't understand anything. You were sure they had a secret that you didn't know and that secret involved you; so you needed to know because this all was very suspicious. This was very confusing and you hated that. So you finally entered the living room and saw them standing in front of each other.

"What is that thing you have to tell me, Brian?" You asked suspiciously, looking at him.

Mandy looked at you agape and then she looked away, nervously. Brian looked at you disturbed and frightened, with eyes wide open and mouth-opened; he was very edgy. This was even more suspicious.