Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company

In response to BuBbLe GuM cHeRrY, Sweet Daddy D will not be making an appearance. He is currently in one of the packed cases in Jeff's Prius.

Chapter Seven: Attempted murders abound

This can't be good.

Deidara kicked the wall. He really was not in a pleasant mood. He needed rest, and to get drunk to the point of passing out. The skeleton was going to be the death of him, he just knew it. First, he had finally calmed down enough in the shower only to find Sasori no danna and that THING in his room with the old hag Koko and Fi with various sewing equipment for Achmed's official coat. Oh this just pissed him off to no end. What was next? Giving him Orochimaru's freaking ring? Plus, he now had to work with that failure of a bomber. He didn't even prepare the bomb right if it went off early! How did Leader-sama expect him to be useful? Frustrated, he set off to the kitchen, prepared to tear the place apart in search of sake. He hoped that Kisame didn't finish it all after that Leaf idiot kicked his ass. He then remembered his laundry and dinner. Sighing, he decided the alcohol could wait until he at least put away his stuff and ate. Maybe Fi even had some sort of sweet hidden on her. Koko did not permit the maids to have more than a very low amount of sugar, causing them to sneak them in from the village when getting groceries. It didn't help matters when the members would slip them some on special occasions. Plus, Tobi always seemed to be munching on some confection claiming to have gotten it from Fi. Yes, sugar would be good right now, Deidara thought.

Achmed peered around the corner. The Blonde bomber had left in anger. Perfect. Achmed checked his supplies he had stolen off of the other puppet's overstock. Being in a terror organization previously had its merits when it came to setting traps. He would get Sasori back later. He checked and made sure he had everything he needed. Smoke bombs, check. Knives, check. Exploding tags, check. Tar, check. Matches, check. Poison, check. Needles, check. Achmed began to giggle. This was going to be good. After all, even if he had said he was going to kill Blondie, who said he couldn't have fun drawing it out and lead up to it by driving him insane first? This would certainly earn him brownie points with the other infidels. There was only room for one bomber in this organization, and it was going to be him! He started cackling uncontrollably.

Tobi walked by with a stick of pocky in his mouth he had nicked from Fi's stash. He heard demonic laughing coming from Sempai's room that was not Sempai's usual evil laugh. He poked his orange masked face into Deidara's room to find Achmed standing there with a bag of things and setting up various trip wires and triggers around the room. Tobi stood there sucking on the chocolate coated biscuit before finishing it and sliding the mask back over his mouth. He was debating whether or not to stop the skeleton from harming his sempai. Then Tobi remembered the strangle attempt in the kitchen. With that, Tobi quietly closed the door and skipped off to go get more pocky.

Determination

Jeff sighed. This was taking forever it seemed. The Sandstorm had finally begun to let up.

"It shouldn't be much longer, Jeff-san." Shizune tried to cheer him up. "Peanut can't have gotten that far." The storm finally ended. Jeff immediately ran out.

"Wait up! You don't know what direction you're going!" Genma yelled after Jeff. Jeff stopped and returned sheepishly. The group left the cave quickly. The hope began to somewhat return. Jeff wasn't leaving Suna until he found the woozle, even if it killed him!

Fate of the Giggling idiot

Gaara looked down at the puppet with a mixture of contempt and disgust. Kankuro was currently collapsed in the corner, recovering from the sand attack with help from Temari. Peanut was currently encased once more in sand.

"Your master is coming to retrieve you." Gaara informed the woozle.

"Jefa-fa? Jefa-fa is coming? Yay!" Peanut cheered. Surely Jefa-fa would rescue him from these psychos. He had a headache from the fan and possibly a concussion. He couldn't tell.

"Sir, The Konoha group is here to see you about the monstrosity." A chuunin poked his head in.

"W-w-w-what did you just call me?" Peanut shrieked at the unfortunate Chuunin.

"Send them in. The sooner this THING. is out of here, the better." Gaara said. The chuunin took off.

Jeff paced the waiting area of the office. What was taking the guy so long? The shinobi watched him pace, starting to get anxious themselves.

The door opened and the young man poked his head into the room. "Kazekage-sama will now see you." Jeff nearly ran to the door and followed the man into an office that had appeared to be a very nice office once. Now it was chaos with dirt, sand, broken pottery, shredded paper and writing utensils everywhere. Sitting at the now disastrous desk was a teenager with bright red hair, black rings around his eyes and a tattoo on his forehead. In the corner, two older teens were cowering, one bleeding heavily. Jeff did not know what to think.

"Jefa-fa! You've come to rescue me from these psychopaths!" Jeff looked over to see Peanut's head sticking out of a ball of sand.

"So this thing belongs to you?" The red haired teenager asked softly.

"Y-yes. I apologize for any hassle he may have caused." Jeff got the sense that this kid was dangerous.

A movement caught his eye. The older teen boy was making a motion of grabbing and pointing at the door, then started mouthing "Take it and go."

"Um...I think I'll just take Peanut and go now, Kazekage-sama." Jeff said nervously.

"Please don't be in such a rush. Sit down, let's talk."

The Leaf nins looked at each other, they knew about Gaara. Who didn't know about Gaara? The two in the corner looked absolutely terrified. 'Maybe we should have brought Naruto-kun along after all.' Shizune thought grimly to herself. 'At least it might help the situation now.'

Insanity. On a stick.

Kabuto was quite murderous by this point. He was sick and tired of hearing about talking Jalapeños and cockroaches on sticks. He was currently dragging Karin down the hall by the hair in search of Sasuke. He had definitely decided to throw Karin to Jugo. Maybe he'd finally get some peace. He hadn't decided how to deal with Sasuke yet Karin was whimpering in pain. She had never seen Kabuto in this bad of a mood. It took them about 15 minutes to find the young Uchiha hiding in a crawlspace in the basement. There was no sign of a Jalapeño. Unknown to Kabuto, José had wedged himself behind a medical cabinet. "Sasuke." Kabuto growled menacingly.

"Shh…it will hear you." Sasuke hissed in fear.

"What exactly will hear me Sasuke-kun?" Kabuto asked with a look of pure fury on his face. "The 'cock-a-roach on a stick'? The Talking Jalapeño? Explain to me Sasuke-kun." Kabuto then grinned, a grin of a sleep-deprived psycho man-bitch. Sasuke shivered and promptly tried to back up further into the hole in the wall to no avail.

Kabuto caught him by the neck and dragged him out, causing Sasuke to cry out in pain from the pressure in Kabuto's grip and the stone scraping against his skin. "Orochimaru won't like this!" Sasuke cried out in desperation.

"Oh Orochimaru-sama is quite ok with it. You see, he is also fed up with this whole talking Jalapeño on a stick thing and has given me permission to deal with you as I see fit as long as I don't permanently disable you or kill you." Sasuke felt a very rare thrill of genuine terror. Normally, he would have scoffed at the medical ninja and kicked his ass, but this time, he had the feeling it wouldn't be that easy. Kabuto began to giggle insanely.

Sasuke made a mental note to scratch what he made a mental not of before. Kabuto was getting a rabid possum for his birthday.

José listened to the conversation from behind the cabinet. Sasuke was about to get his ass kicked. 'Serves him right for calling me Mexican.' He thought to himself. 'At least the cock-a-roach is gone.' José then listened to Kabuto. The man seemed quite unstable at the moment. From what José understood, the medic had been woken up at least four times in the past 24 hours due to him and the cock-a-roach. On a stick. José guessed he didn't get much sleep to begin with, let alone not being able to sleep due to screaming teenagers. He shrugged it off. He was starting to miss Jeff and the annoying Peanut. José heard an insane giggle. Maybe it would be worth it to stick around a little longer.

Hey dumbass, entertain me.

Walter scowled. He was bored. The second dumbass had finally woken up to cuss him out. Walter had responded with equally foul language, causing the boy to walk away with his dog. They had dropped Hinata off at the hospital and were currently waiting in the lobby. The gays had gone away, Jeff wouldn't be back for awhile, and dumbass wasn't talking to him.

"Hey, dumbass." Naruto ignored him.

"Want to hear something?"

"No."

"Well then, I guess I won't give you advice about she-who-faints-a lot." Naruto was listening now. "And here I was going to tell you how to get her to stop fainting and stuttering."

"Ok, tell me." Naruto turned to Walter, curiosity getting the best of him.

"No, you said you didn't want to hear it." Walter turned his head, but was mentally grinning, this idiot was too easy to mess with.

Hinata woke up. She looked around and saw that she was in the hospital. She tried to remember what had happened. Oh yeah, the old man had revealed her secret to Naruto. She buried her head in her hands in embarrassment and moaned. She would never be able to face him again. "Oh, you're awake." A nurse came in. "I must say, you gave that young man quite a scare fainting like that" She proceeded to check her over for injuries or any other causes for fainting.

"I-it happens w-when I'm around h-him." Hinata tried to explain.

"I see."

The nurse gave her a knowing look. "Well, you're fine. You may go." Hinata quickly left the room. As she walked out, she saw Naruto and the tiny old man in the lobby and froze. He was still here? She quickly hid behind a man carrying a bunch of balloons out from the gift shop area and ducked out of the hospital. She couldn't face him, not yet.

In other wards

Victor was sitting in the hospital, convinced he had been given LSD. First he fell through a portal, then the puppets come to life, and then he's carried to the hospital by a giant frog! But then he remembered that he had stolen the cigarettes from the store himself, and he hadn't had any food that wasn't inhaled immediately straight out of the package and his mom's cooking. There wasn't any way he could have been given LSD. The doctor came in and listened to him before walking into the hallway. He caught one of the nurses. "Go get Tsunade-sama. We've got another one."

Bubba and Melvin stared up at the man. "An who're you?" Bubba demanded.

"Jiraiya, legendary Sannin."

"Was a Sand-neen?" He drawled. "Sounds like uh sandbox."

"It's means I'm a Legend!" Jiraiya snapped.

"So you area fellow hero?" Melvin asked.

"You could say that."

Melvin nodded in approval. "Then allow Beer Boy and I, Melvin dada da daaa…to accompany you on your adventures."

"No."

"But fellow heroes must stick together."

The argument continued. Bubba began to lose interest and wandered to a fence where he found a hole. He looked in and then whooped in jubilation. "HOOT DAWGY! JACKPOT!" He then refused to budge from the spot.

"Where did Beer Boy get off to?" Melvin suddenly noticed the missing redneck. He then spotted him. "BEER BOY!" He said, scandalized.

"Yer jus jealous cuz you didn't get here first." Bubba looked rather proud of himself.

Reviews? Next time: What exactly has Achmed planned for Deidara? What is Peanut and Jeff's fate? And has Kabuto finally cracked? Find out next week in "Pisses me off…"