Teenage Dream

by Lucy Samb

You/ Darren Criss fanfic. The story is about your life with Darren in high school, college and professional life among friendship,love,fights,comings and goings and how you both go through serious stuff such as bullying,suicide,discrimination and life itself. It starts when you meet Darren, a guy of your school in St. Ignatius College Preparatory who never noticed you, a loser.

43. Let's have an honest talk

A/N: Hello everybody! How are you doing today? For me this was a strenuous and complicated week, so I'm glad it's weekend already! I hope you have exciting plans ahead for this weekend! Alright, now back to the story. I read the reviews and I'll talk about the generalities I found. So, first off, I want to clarify something about this whole thing Brian-Freckles-Darren... The fanfiction is about Darren/you and it involves romance, drama (duh), friendship and comings and goings; so that's all I'm gonna say because I won't give away any kind of spoiler. Freckles and Darren can end up being either lovers or friends; this fanfiction is gonna be a very long one and a lot of things will happen. I want to show many things about life itself, different sides, different perspectives and situations in a relationship and different interactions with other people as they grow up. So, don't be so worried and well, nothing... Just that! I hope not to disappoint you with what I write, I hope you can enjoy the story despite the plot twists, and thank you for letting me know your point of views about everything! Now that I explained that little something, wishing I clarified things instead of making them more confusing, I'll start replying your reviews.

alicegursk: I'm a sad panda because of two things: 1) Why oh why I will never be able to understand fangirl language? I'm a fan! I truly am, I'm Darren's fan, doesn't it count at all? dksnwniwnndn? No? Not at all? Sad panda, completely sad panda. 2) I can't believe the couch is now my place! At least we should consider changing the couch to a more comfortable one. And blankets, don't forget to bring blankets. Maybe after this chapter, would you consider my wishes? Now that you know why I'm a sad panda... Could Darren and Freckles make it to be together again or at least to be best friends? You'll soon find it out. Maybe you'll find it out in this precise chapter. Brian loves Freckles? Yes, of course yes, she's his best friend. Mwahaha. Sorry, was that a cruel laughter? Thanks for saying I'm good despite how cruel I can be sometimes. But…I'm nice, Alice, I swear I'm nice! Consider my wishes, please?

amritsoomal: Am I in time to run away and hide? Please, don't yell at me! Don't yell at me! (bend my legs, wrap my arms around my legs and start swaying, shocked and scared) haha. I'm in a silly mood today, just so you know! What do you think I'm doing? Brian and Freckles, no? No? Okay! It'll take time, though, to know how their relationship is gonna develop. But no, you said. No it is. Ah! Darren and Freckles will be happy together, of course. As friends or as lovers? Or both? I don't know! Can I get virtual treats now, please? I'm dying for a hot chocolate with marshmallows, I don't even know why! Ouch! The hook up is gonna be revealed in the Christmas chapter, for that a long of time will pass. But just because sometimes I'm nice, I'll give you a clue: I mentioned this girl already in the story... Then here are the options: Freckles, Karen, Alice, Claire, Grace, Linda, Melissa, Holly, Tania, Alexandra, Susan, Jen, Mandy, Kelly, Julia, Lauren, Meredith, Jaime, Bonnie, Elona, Britney. These are the girls I've ever mentioned in the story; any of them could be Joey's hook up. Yay for your music exam! Congratulations! Hey, but don't be too stressed about the other exams! Just believe they're gonna go just as good as the music one!

PotterHead62: Oh, it's really nice to know you've been following this story for a while! And I'm glad you liked the last chapter despite it was kind of... unusual? Ah, I can't find the word; despite in it happened things that maybe weren't so pleasant to read. I liked writing the part of the list! It was like a way to show Darren struggling with his own feelings to come up with a solution to his problems. And yes, I agree with the fact that Brian isn't telling his feelings is sweet and sad. Maybe it's sad rather than sweet. Maybe he will admit his feelings or maybe not. But eventually you'll find out why Brian has problems to tell his feelings. Eventually. Thanks for telling me your opinion!

Vcriss: You loved The Vow! Me too, it's such a great movie, more considering it was based on a true story. I agree, Channing is very dreamy; and I also love Darren way more, maybe because of his personality and well, his whole presence; he has something that makes him very attractive, maybe even more attractive than hot guys as Channing who is better-looking than him. It's not right and it's not wrong the fact that you can go for either couple; it's your opinion and it's valid. There's not a right and wrong opinion on this, that's what I mean. And yes, it's a Darren fanfiction, but a lot of things can happen and will happen. It involves romance, drama, friendship, and more drama. About the Klaine marriage, I don't think it'll happen any soon. I mean, they're very young and I don't think it's illegal, but I completely share Burt's opinion that marrying a person is something very different than marrying an idea. In my opinion, they still need to experience and learn a lot of things before assuming such a responsibility and vows that marriage involves. And I can't opine about politics, because I don't live there, so I'm ignorant and it's not cool to opine about something you are clueless. I also watch it because of the songs and Glee, even though there are songs I dislike; but one amazing episode was Shooting Star, it was amazing. Modern Family! I love that show too! It's hilarious! I like The Big Bang Theory too. And others like Lost, even if it's finished.

MeMi83: haha sneaky Mandy! Only she could have done such a thing! I like that character someway. Yes! She was so close to finding out! Now it's time to find out if Brian will or will not explain her everything. And about Darren... About time! He needed to do something for himself. Maybe his attitude won't last as you said, because, as you said, to change all of a sudden is not an easy task. But maybe some events and people would help him to do what he proposed to do. About twitter, I wish that the reasons of why I'm not able to tweet were because I have more exciting things to do! Actually it's because college and being on my final thesis is pretty strenuous and demands me so much time (since 7am till 10pm every week including weekends, in average) that all I want to do is to get some sleep! haha. But yes, at least I'm doing something I love; despite sometimes you want free time to just chill out. But it's an effort I have to make till February, and then my life will change with my degree! Ah, so nervous about it! haha. So, I'm taking the ball of energy you sent me! I need it so thank you a lot! I wish you a fairy tale totally awesome weekend! And to make it even more awesome, I send you a magic carpet, a monkey called Abu, and a magic lamp containing a genie who will grant you three wishes!

Guest: I've been damned! What will happen to me now? I think I'll have to reverse it with a sweet (maybe?) chapter like this one. Would it work? For now, I think my motto is 'Cliffhanger, cliffhanger, cliffhanger'. What a lame motto! I wonder why I cannot come up with something more interesting and deep. Aww! You should've sung it to him! What you said was cute! I love that song! Of course it's my favorite Darren's song. You'll get for sure a lot of romantic cheesy stuff in the future! Also drama, but romantic cheesy events, words, hugs, songs and a lot of more things! And I want to let you know that you made me smile with your comment that my story is somehow addictive and every week I keep you interested! It's really but really nice to know that! The Brian storyline will develop in a lot of chapters. And oh gosh, you made laugh with the comment of civilized talk! Yes, haha, Darren and Freckles will have a civilized (oh, about time, guys!) talk and they may or may not become friends. You'll figure it out in this chapter! Obviously, they cannot get together right now, but who knows if they'll fall in love again, eventually?

zahra auob: Hi Zahra! I'm very glad that the list was useful to you! Now, I'll answer you (by the way, it made me feel good the fact you asked me my opinion about something that is happening to you!). All I'll say now, it's just a personal opinion, it's like an advice, and advices sometimes are good, sometimes not; so you can take it or leave it and either option will be fine. It's just my point of view of something that happened to me and, of course, you don't have to take to heart what I say, but I hope it can help you to find out what the right thing to do is for you, in your situation. Throughout our lives we meet people, we become friends and sometimes we keep being friends but sometimes those amazing friends we used to have in the past aren't our friends any longer in the present, they become like a memory, a good one. Truth is that from time to time we remember those friends and wonder why we grew apart if we were best friends, if we shared a lot of moments and secrets; in those moments you want to get closer to them, even if you know they're different and you're different, even if you know that maybe they're not worth it to keep being our friends because something that before fitted now it doesn't fit anymore because it feels weird, uncomfortable and forced; because you both changed. That's why we still care about them, because they were important to us, they were part of our lives and somehow they made us be a little part of what we are now. You'll never stop having feelings for that person, you'll never stop wishing the best to that person, just because of the fact they were a special part in our lives, even if now it's different and they don't deal with us as a friend. I had a friend when I was 13 and when I was 15 we grew apart; I thought it wasn't worth it to keep her as a friend because we changed a lot and we didn't share anything, we were interested on different stuff and we just were different, and that was making both of us feel uncomfortable around each other, that was hurting both of us; I don't even know why, how and when we grew apart, but we did; and she was like my best friend. Now I'm 22 and she's my best friend again because we admitted the fact we were never going to be as we used to be and we were never going to have the friendship we used to have; but we were still on time to get to know again that person we used to know and who was very important to us. We never got to have the friendship we used to have, but we got to have a different friendship, not better, not worse, but different; she's my best friend. Do you know how we started to talk again? When I needed an advice and she gave me one, even if we weren't even friends by then, even if I didn't ask her for that advice, even if by then we only knew about each other what we used to be. You're always in time to get to know again the person you used to know and I can say that it's an amazing feeling, very gratifying. And an advice is never a wrong thing to do; you can give and receive advices even from a stranger and it'll never be a bad thing, or it should never be a bad thing, we should not be ashamed of giving an advice to someone, because it's something nice and good, in my opinion. And worrying and caring about a person is not a bad thing; it only means that you're a good person and you want the best to other person, regardless if that person is a friend, someone of your family, someone you used to know, a fellow or a stranger. You should never stop caring about someone because it makes you human, a good kind of human; and people should be more caring with everybody; caring about someone, in my opinion, should never be seen as something improper. So, I advise you (not force you) to talk to her, to admit you will never have what you used to have, to admit that both you and her have changed, to advise her even if she's someone you used to know and you're to her someone she used to know. Who knows? Maybe you can end up being friends with that friend you used to have. I hope my advice helped you someway.

Emma: Hey Emma! Oh, I'm so glad you consider the last chapter as one of your favorites in the new part! haha yes, Darren took a long time to decide to move on, but he finally decided it! He finally realized what he really wanted, and I guess that's a huge progress for him. Oh, maybe he will meet someone new and maybe Freckles will feel jealous, yes. But what kind of relationship would Darren have with that someone? You really wouldn't like Darren and Freckles as a couple again? Why? I'm intrigued to know! You're the first person to tell me that; everybody wants them together again, but you don't, so I find it pretty interesting! Why I named Freckles Freckles? That's a question nobody has asked me before so here I am, trying to remember what led me to name her like that. First I'll say I was surely influenced, in an implicit way, by Lost, Sawyer (one of my favorite characters) called Kate Freckles and I always thought it was cute. Then, I was inspired by a picture I saw in which I could notice few freckles on Darren's face, I thought it'd be cute if there was a girl with freckles and Darren commented about it (I wrote something about it in the second chapter). Then, I think freckles are cute and I like them, so I always pictured the main character with freckles and since I don't want to call the main character with a real name so it can always be 'you' (it's something pretty hard to do), I thought that Darren could call her Freckles because that is something particular about the main character. Freckles had long hair in high school! Maybe you're Freckles and I'm writing your story! This is what is gonna happen to you in the future! Yes, maybe it's scary, but it's something really cool! I mean, somehow you look like her, so it's great because you can picture yourself with Darren! Okay, I think I should stop writing or you'll think I'm insane or something. Yes, I'm completely serious! 100 chapters! Or at least that is the idea. That means 58 more weeks, 58 more reviews from you! I challenge you to do it! haha. I'm just kidding. Now, I hope you can enjoy this new chapter, Emma!

Vicky: Aww, I find it cute the way Brian reminds you to yourself, because I picture Brian like one of the most charming and warm-hearted people in the (fictional) world. If you tell me right now that you like writing, and you like surprising and doing very sweet things for the people you love, then I'm done and I'll name you like the female version of Brian. Yes, I thought it was time for Darren to move on and make a very hard but necessary decision. Now it's time to see if he can get what he recently found he wants. Hopefully things will work out for him, he deserves it, I think. Brian and Freckles... maybe if you read what I wrote in the introduction, you'll understand. I won't say what will happen with them; things will happen, but you shouldn't be so worried about it. Sometimes in life, when someone loves a person, the other person doesn't love them the way they do, sometimes is a feeling that only one of them feel, and maybe this is what happens in this case, the thing is to see what will happen with their friendship; actually you should be worrying about their friendship more than worrying if they will be together or not. Alright, sorry, I don't want to spoil anything, so I won't say anything else!

Nicole: First off, I want to let you know that you're honored to be the 400th review! For the second time you get the award! So again, you're free to ask me whatever you want to know and I'll answer! I wonder what you'd ask this time! Now, Nicole-Draco, about the story! Oh yeah, Freckles is so close to figuring out! Will she finally figure it out? You'll find it out in this chapter! And yes, ah, sneaky Mandy! haha. It's something that she obviously was going to do, I like that character! Always getting and doing what she wants! If I were friends with Mandy, I bet it'd be hard to deal with her, because she'd surely make me feel awkward over awkward things, but it's funny. Don't worry because I ship Darren and Freckles too. If you read my introduction, you'll have a slight idea. I won't say that nothing will happen between Freckles and Brian, something, good or bad, will happen with them; but remember this is a Darren/you fanfic. I like writing the part of the list! Darren really needed to do something about himself and his feelings, he really needed to move on, so I guess that's a good thing. Oh! No, Freckles hasn't seen her phone, she's in the Virgin Islands and she can't receive calls or texts there, but as soon as she returns, she'll see it all. What will happen after that? As a good Hufflepuff, I found what I am good for, and I found out that Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders. Do you find it cool? I found out the significance of my existence. Find, find, find, I gotta find my way back to Hogwarts! So, my Draco-Nicole, until next time!

Roula: First off, I think this is the first time you reviewed! So let me welcome you to my very crazy mind! You're in time to run away and hide from my insanity! Okay, no, I'm a sane person, trust me. Now, really, thank you a lot for reading this story and I hope you're enjoying it as I well hope to never disappoint you! Now, thank you a lot for saying it was a good chapter! Yay! I'm happy too that Mandy returned, but unfortunately she won't appear much, but she'll keep appearing from time to time; I like her character. I think that Julia and Joey this time came up with an original idea to help Darren to clear up what he was feeling. I think this was a huge progress for him and it's really good the fact that he has already found out what he really wants, so now he can move on and maybe he'll have a civilized talk to Freckles and maybe they can become friends. Do you really think Freckles is starting to have feelings for Brian? That's very interesting, maybe yes or maybe not! But you have an interesting point of view. Ah! Your question is very good! Well, as I see it, it's really hard to be friends with your ex-boyfriend because you have, inevitably, a lot of memories together that you'll always remember and more if you're with him. But nothing is impossible. There are a lot of cases in which couples broke up and became friends and even best friends; maybe it's not easy but it's possible. I don't know if this will be Freckles and Darren's case, they'll figure it out with time; because they can agree being something but there's something you cannot control that is what your heart and soul feel, as cheesy as it may sound, but it's like that. So you and they will figure it out with time!

Caroline Boeira: haha don't worry about it! In the introduction I tried to clarify this thing about Freckles, Brian, and Darren. You just have to think that sometimes in life one person is in love with a person who doesn't love him/her the way he/she does. Maybe this is the case. Do you really think Darren will go back to Kelly after the way she treated him? Mmm, I don't know! But Kelly will appear again and maybe Darren will meet someone new who is not a bitch like Kelly, but that someone may or may not be only a friend. Anyway, now you'll find out in this chapter what will happen between Freckles and Darren. So maybe you won't be so confused! I hope you can enjoy this chapter, I think it has its sweet side!

-Alright guys! That was all for today! I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope to have clarified everything. And one last thing... I can't believe I reached the 400 reviews! You guys totally rock! Thank you a lot for that! When I started writing this story, I never imagined I could ever get the amount of reviews I got! Thank you, really, you have no idea what it means to me and it's not about a number, it's about learning from you; because with your reviews you not only gave me your opinions and suggestions that helped me to improve; but you also inspired me to keep writing and I just love having this kind of weekly conversation with each one of you. Thank you! Now I'll let you read this new chapter. I wish you a week full of magical creatures and fluffy puppies like the one Darren was holding the other day. Warm fuzzies and love!

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Teenage Dream – Chapter 43 – Let's have an honest talk.

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"I'll just leave you alone, guys." Mandy said in a whisper, a bit nervous, looking away.

Before she left, she looked at Brian in an apologetically way. But you were only looking fixedly at Brian, who was now looking down and biting his lips. He was very nervous and he wasn't saying anything at all.

"Brian?" You said serious. He made a weird grimace with his mouth, clenched his jaw and bit his lips again; still looking down. "What is that thing you have to tell me?" You repeated and he took a deep breath.

"Nothing, it was just a silly thing..." He answered still looking down and scratching his head.

"Do not lie to me because it hurts." You said frowning, also looking down.

You were now feeling touchy after hearing the conversation between him and Mandy and how Mandy was telling him he was lying to you. You heard how Brian sighed so you looked at him again. He was still looking down and he was frowning now; besides being nervous he seemed to be distressed now.

"I don't want that." Brian said sadly, still looking down.

"Then tell me the truth. What were you talking about with Mandy? What was that thing of the kiss she has done on purpose? What is that thing that will never happen? Why did Mandy say that you're lying to me? What is that thing you have to tell me?" You asked really confused and Brian was still looking down, distressed and nervous. Yet, he didn't answer. "Tell me the truth, Brian." You insisted exasperated and Brian rubbed his hand on his face, now looking at the ceiling and gulping. Then he looked down again and he sighed.

"It's nothing really important... Just forget it; it's something boring and useless." Brian said raising an eyebrow still looking down. You looked at him afflicted for a while, silently. You couldn't believe he was still lying to you, it was hurtful.

"Why don't you trust me?" You asked anguished. Brian finally looked at you, stunned and mouthed-open.

"I do trust you." He said still looking at you, frowning slightly.

"It doesn't seem like that." You said raising an eyebrow and pursing your lips, now looking down. "You're my best friend, Brian; and sometimes I feel like I barely know you. Sometimes I feel like I don't know you at all." You said and looked up at him. He was still frowning and looking at you distressed.

"Why are you saying that?" Brian asked and his voice cracked a bit, so he cleared his throat. You looked at him again; he seemed to be hurt.

"Because I'm being honest with you. It's what I feel." You replied and he gulped and looked down with his eyebrows pointing downward, which created a sad expression. "I'm always telling you things about me; I tell you everything, Brian. And you never tell me anything at all. I almost had to beg you to get you to tell me what happened with your dad; and if I hadn't begged you, surely I wouldn't have known it yet. How do you expect me to feel? It hurts, Brian. Because I thought you were my best friend, but how can you be my best friend if I don't know almost anything about you?" You asked frustrated while Brian was biting his lower lip, still with that sad expression. "And I'm sorry if my words are hurting you, but I want to be honest with you. And I wish you could be honest with me and I wish you could trust on me, as best friends are supposed to be. But you keep hiding me things, you keep ignoring my questions when I ask you something personal and private. Damn, that hurts me a lot!"

"I'm sorry." He said with choked voice, now looking at you with his teary green and sad eyes.

"I don't want you to be sorry, I don't want an apology. I want you to start trusting me as I trust you. I want you to tell me everything about you as I tell you everything about me." You said exasperated looking into his eyes. He sighed, gulped, raised his forearms and put them down again.

"Alright." Brian replied and he walked to the couch to sit while you were looking at him fixedly. "Come on, sit." He said and you walked slowly and silently to the couch to sit next to him. "Ask me whatever you want to know about me; I'll answer."

"It's not like that..." You started saying raising an eyebrow and looking away.

"Come on, Sunny. I'm willing to give you honest answers. So ask me." He insisted.

"I don't..."

"Come on, ask me whatever you want to know and I'll answer everything. Ask me, because I don't wanna hear you saying I don't trust you." Brian said firmly.

"What? Are you doing this because you're mad for what I said?" You asked frowning and a bit disgruntled.

"No, I'm doing this because what you said made me feel bad." Brian said almost in a whisper, looking downward; then he bit his lips. "So I want you to ask me whatever you want so you'll know everything about me; I want you to see that I really trust you. Come on, Sunny, just ask..." He said softly.

"Okay..." You said nodding and raising an eyebrow. "First off, I want to know why you suspect that Mandy made us kiss on purpose." You said looking at him fixedly. He took a time to answer; he was resting his elbows on his knees with his hands together and fingers intertwined, looking down.

"Because she wanted me to kiss someone since it's been a while since the last time I did so. And I was mad because she had no rights to do it, and less with you, my best friend." He answered, still looking down while you were looking at him fixedly. His answer had sense and sounded convincing.

"Okay, then what's that thing that will never happen in your opinion?" You asked. Again, he took a time to answer. This seemed to be something hard for him.

"Umm... Your sister thinks... that I need to find someone. Well, she... thought that because I'm alone, maybe... Maybe I should try with you." Brian answered very uncomfortable. He seemed to be choosing carefully each word. "And I told her that you were my best friend and that we were fine that way; so it'll never happen."

"Amanda told you that?" You asked in disbelief.

"Yeah well, something like that." He answered still uncomfortable.

"Oh my god. I'm sorry for that; she surely said it also because she doesn't want to see me with Darren and she cannot understand that it won't happen. Sorry." You said bitterly.

"You shouldn't be sorry, you did nothing at all." Brian said softly.

"Yeah, I'll talk to Amanda about this." You said determined.

"No!" He exclaimed loudly and alarmed and you looked at him suspiciously. "Please, do not do that. I'm the one who's gonna talk to her."

"Fine, if that is what you want." You replied and he nodded. "Okay, now tell me what is that thing you should tell me, judging by what Mandy said? Is it that you're gay?"

"What?" Brian asked looking at you incredulous, frowning. "Oh geez, why do you keep insisting with that thing that I'm gay? I told you like, I don't know, hundred times that I'm not gay."

"I'm sorry; it's just that I haven't seen you with a girl in a long... Actually I think I haven't seen you ever with a girl." You said frowning, thoughtful, just realizing that. Then you looked at Brian. He had his jaw clenched and he was looking away, frowning slightly, uncomfortable. "Are you virgin?" You asked curiously. He raised his eyebrows in surprise, yet he didn't look at you.

"No, I'm not." He answered.

"When was your first time? And with whom?" You asked intrigued. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"High school, my Junior year. With Susan, you know, when she wasn't a bad person." Brian answered and you looked at him astonished, raising your eyebrows.

"Susan was your first? Susan? The girl who was part of the W team?" You asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, that Susan. But you know; there was no W team by then and Susan was a nice and innocent girl, she was a good person; then she changed when she met Karen." Brian explained. Well, you were still stunned.

"I can't believe it." You whispered bewildered. "So... Umm... Have you ever had a girlfriend?" You asked and looked at Brian curiously. He was feeling uncomfortable.

"Yeah, Susan was my girlfriend. It didn't last so much, though. We dated for five months, and then the thing wasn't working. By my Senior year, we weren't together anymore; she broke up with me because she wasn't happy among other reasons she didn't like about me. So yeah." Brian replied.

Wow, there were a lot of things you didn't know about him and you started to feel weird. He was your best friend and yet you didn't know anything of this. Anyway, you were glad that he was being open with you.

"Did you have any other girlfriend besides Susan?"

"Oh yeah. Before Susan, there was this girl called Connie, in my Freshman year. But you know, I was only 13, so it was more like 'hey, we are holding hands, we're dating!' Yeah, we only pecked our lips; just innocent love." Brian said chuckling softly and you chuckled along with him.

"That's cute." You said smiling and Brian looked at you and smiled back.

"Yeah, it was cute." He said nodding.

"And did you have a girlfriend after Susan?"

"Umm..." He said uncomfortable again. "No."

"Really?" You asked surprised, raising your eyebrows and looking at him fixedly. He looked down, uncomfortable.

"Yeah, really. I... I just didn't want to have any other girlfriend, it was my choice." Brian replied and you nodded, still feeling surprised.

"I see, I get it." You said. Maybe he just didn't want to have any serious relationship and that was fine. "And what about now? Are you in love with someone?"

And that was weird. Brian raised his eyebrows, opened his eyes widely and opened slightly his mouth while clenching his jaw; throwing his head back to look at the ceiling. He moved his lips as if he was trying to say something, but no sound came out from his mouth. He started moving his eyes to the left and the right, still looking at the ceiling; he was really uncomfortable and edgy. He sighed and looked down again, now raising one eyebrow. He pursed his lips. Why was he acting so weird?

"Yeah, I am..." He finally answered and you looked at him really surprised.

"Are you in love with a girl?" You asked surprised and feeling happy for him. Yes, this was a good new; he was finally interested on someone.

"Yeah." He answered in a whisper, still avoiding your gaze.

"With who? Do I know her?" You asked excited, but Brian didn't seem to be so excited.

"Yeah, you know her." He replied and bit his lower lip, still looking down. Wow, he was really uncomfortable.

"So, who's the girl?" You asked very intrigued. "Is she attending University of Michigan?"

"Yes, she is." Brian answered in a whisper again. He didn't seem happy at all.

"Is she... Is she Meredith?" You asked very excited. She was the only girl that both Brian and you knew, if you weren't wrong. But Brian frowned.

"No... No, of course is not Meredith. I barely know her." Brian answered while rubbing his knees with his hands. Then he sighed and pointed his eyebrows downward, making that sad expression again. "Please, I don't feel comfortable with this. I know I promised you to answer all of your questions... But, please. I... I'm not ready yet to talk about this. No one knows... and... I just need time. Please." Brian begged in a very sad way that you thought that maybe you could let it go for now. You really didn't want him to feel uncomfortable like this.

"Okay, I understand. You don't have to answer it if you don't feel comfortable; I won't get mad. Promise." You said softly with a kind smile.

"Thank you." He said softly.

He didn't look at you, so you tried to look into his eyes, but it was hard because it seemed he really didn't want you to look at him. You only got to see furtively his eyes before he looked away. Did he have teary eyes? Oh, no! Maybe you screwed it! Maybe the girl rejected him and he was sad for that and you were forcing him to tell you those things. Oh no. You needed to know if the girl knew he was in love with her.

"Only one last thing about this girl..." You said and you noticed that Brian gulped and looked even more sadly. "Does she know you're in love with her?"

"No, she doesn't know." He answered and you could notice that his voice sounded choked.

"But have you tried to tell her your feelings?"

"No." He answered in a whisper.

He propped his forehead on one hand and closed his eyes, pointing his eyebrows downward and pursing his lips. Then he opened his eyes again and you really could notice his green teary eyes, even if he wasn't looking at you. Why would he look that sad? You didn't like to see him this sad, because he wasn't like this. So you moved closer and started caressing his hair softly as he closed his eyes again, still with the sad face.

"Why don't you try to tell her your feelings?" You said softly while still caressing his hair. He opened his eyes but he kept looking down, staring absently.

"I can't do that because I know what her answer will be. She doesn't love me back, the same way I do." He answered very low that you had to move closer to hear that.

"Are you afraid that she could reject you?" You asked.

"Yes." He replied and his voice cracked. This was sad.

"But what if she doesn't reject you, Brian? You're losing a chance. You shouldn't be afraid of it, you always tell me that." You said softly, trying to encourage him.

"It's different, Sunny. When I tell you that, it's because I know you have a chance. And I'm really sure I have no chances with this girl. I know she's gonna reject me." He said distressed.

"Brian, you shouldn't be so pessimistic." You said softly. He rested his elbows in his knees and covered his face with his hands.

"Please, I don't wanna talk about this. Please, Sunny; not for now." He said with cracked voice again. You looked at him sadly.

"I just don't understand why you're so afraid and so sure she's gonna reject you, Brian." You said still looking at him. "Hey, look at me." You said softly, grabbing both of his hands to uncover his face. He finally, in a long time, looked into your eyes. Wow, his green eyes were really sad and teary; it was distressing. "You're really beautiful and sexy; and not only that, you're also an extraordinary person, Brian. You're funny, smart, sweet, kind, affectionate, and softhearted. And you're really handsome. I think that every girl would fall for you; so I hardly think this girl could reject you." You said sweetly, looking into his eyes. While you were saying this, Brian kept looking into your eyes and he was even more teary-eyed, but he didn't shed a single tear. Then he only shook his head.

"No... You won't understand it; I really can't do that. I can't." He said with teary voice, but again, he didn't shed a single tear. You knew he wanted to cry, but he didn't like to cry in front of people, but he was feeling sad.

"Why do you say you can't do that?" You asked confused.

"I don't wanna lie to you; so please, just stop talking about this. Someday, I'll tell you everything about it. But not now. Please, don't make me lie to you." He begged looking into your eyes with the same teary-eyed look.

"Okay, fine." You said softly, and he nodded as if he was thanking you. "I just have another question..." You said slowly. "When was the last time you kissed someone?"

"Well, I kissed you hours ago..." He replied shrugging.

"Well, yes; but when was the last time you kissed someone that wasn't because someone was demanding it?"

"It was also you; days ago... You know, when I was feeling bad because... you know..." Brian answered very uncomfortable, looking away again.

"Yes, I know. When you were sad because you were telling me what happened to your dad. We already talked about it, and I know it wasn't your intention... Whatever. What I mean, before that, when was the last time you kissed someone?" You asked again.

Brian was still looking away and his gaze was absently again. His eyes were really sad, just as sad as that day when he told you about his dad. How many things were happening to him to be feeling this way? He bit his lips and he took a really long time to answer you.

"High school." He replied in a whisper and you looked at him puzzled.

"High school? High school, Brian?" You asked really astonished and he frowned with his sad eyes; pursing his lips. "Brian!" You exclaimed perplexed. "That was more than a year ago!"

"I know..." He whispered distressed.

"Brian, that's a long time." You said still incredulous.

"I know!" He exclaimed a bit louder this time, with cracked voice.

"Why?" You asked anguished and still stunned. He didn't answer. "Brian, I don't understand..." You whispered, frowning. He was still silent and looking down with teary eyes. "I feel lonely because I've been alone since I broke up with Ian about four months ago; I still feel lonely even though I got to kiss Darren weeks ago... How do you do not to feel lonely if you haven't kissed anyone since high school?"

"I do feel lonely." He said with teary voice and he finally shed some tears, but he wiped them away quickly.

Oh wow, you were feeling really bad for him now. You didn't know what to say, but it was breaking your heart to see him so sad and to have heard him saying he was feeling lonely since long time ago. So you just hugged him as he buried his head on your shoulder and you started caressing his hair very smoothly. You let him cry on your shoulder, you knew he needed to cry. This was the second time he cried in front of you since you've met him. Geez, there was so much pain in his heart and you never noticed this. You only wished you could help him somehow; you wanted to make him happy as he always made you feel whenever you were feeling sad. Poor Brian, you thought sadly.

---

BRIAN'S POV

---

I was lying down in bed in my room of the house that Mandy rented, the lights turned off already. It was the last night we were going to be in the Virgin Islands and I knew I had to sleep because tomorrow I had to return to my normal activities at college; but I just couldn't. I cried again in front of her, and I shouldn't have done it. Damn, I was being so sensitive lately and I hated it; I hated to be vulnerable and weak in front of her. And again, I could sense she was feeling pity for me. But the talk we had was very intense for me; I told her things I thought I'd never tell, that I should have never told; but I had to do it, because the idea of she thinking I didn't trust her, that I didn't want to share things with her and that she said she barely knew me and I didn't seem like a best friend was killing me. She wasn't supposed to know I was in love with a girl; she wasn't supposed to know I haven't really been with a girl since high school; she wasn't supposed to know I was feeling lonely. I knew she was now going to try to talk to me about the girl all the time, to try to convince me to tell her my feelings; and I couldn't do it, she was very clueless and never suspected anything. She didn't realize who the girl was and she'll never know it. I really needed to find the way to stop feeling the way I was feeling for her. But how? This was frustrating. It started to rain and thunder, one of those typical Caribbean hard rains. I chuckled bitterly when I thought in my mind that it was accurate a rain right now that accompanied perfectly how I was feeling, as though it was on purpose. I started thinking that maybe I should know someone new, another girl; maybe that way I could forget her. But I knew that probably it wouldn't work; I tried doing so but it never worked. No one could be compared to her; I couldn't find a girl who could make me feel the way she made me feel, who could be the way she was. Sometimes I just hated where I was standing. Damn, I really needed to sleep, but I wouldn't stop thinking about her. Then I heard a sound that made me startle; someone opened the door of my bedroom. Maybe I just imagined it, because I couldn't hear any sound; maybe it was just the wind, I didn't know, I couldn't see anything at all in the darkness. But then I noticed that someone sat on the edge of my bed.

"Can I sleep with you?" I heard Sunny's sleepy voice and my heart skipped a beat. What was she doing here and why did she ask something like that? I didn't answer and I didn't move. "I always had a fear of storms and I don't wanna be alone. Can I?" She asked like a little kid.

My heart was beating fast; I didn't know what to answer. Yes, I wanted to answer that she could, because I wanted it; but I didn't know if this was a good idea. I lost my control when we kissed on the beach, so I wouldn't know how I would react if she slept with me.

"Please?" She whispered supplicant like a little kid again. I took a deep breath and I convinced myself that I could manage this.

"Sure." I replied in a whisper, moving to make room for her next to me.

She tucked herself under the blankets, right next to me. I tried to move a little more so our bodies wouldn't touch, but it was hard because it was only a single bed. And damn, I was only in my underwear as I was used to sleep; I never imagined she could appear here in the middle of the night. My heart was beating really fast and I was feeling kind of nervous, more when I felt the warmth of her body and her smell of soap and coconut. I was really strained looking at the ceiling, trying not to move. But she snuggled up into me, placing her head on my chest and wrapping an arm around my waist. I felt even more strained.

"Can you please hold me?" She asked with sleepy voice and my heart skipped a beat again. Damn. "Please, I feel scared and lonely." She whispered sadly. I gulped and looked at the ceiling nervously. I couldn't do that. "Please." She begged.

She could always make me do whatever she wanted, and more when she talked in that supplicant way. So I moved a bit closer and I wrapped my arms around her. When she felt my arms around her, she sighed as if she was feeling comfortable and she moved her head, so now her nose was slightly touching my neck, so as her lips. I was feeling very thrilled by her slight touch and the warmth of her body. She seemed to be asleep now; so I just closed my eyes and I held her tightly. I wasn't going to do anything, I just wanted to enjoy this moment I could hold her in my arms as I always wanted. I just wanted to imagine in my mind that I had her, even if I was aware that it wasn't like that, I wanted to imagine that, just for this night. I smoothly caressed her arm with my thumb to feel her soft skin, I moved my nose to her hair so I could smell it and then I kissed her temple. What was I doing? I was being a total stalker. I shouldn't be doing this. I was her best friend. So, I opened my eyes again and I absently stared the ceiling. Then I felt how she slightly kissed my neck and I frowned. Maybe I just imagined it, I tried to look at her face, but it was very dark. No, I wasn't imagining it; she kissed me again on the neck. I should probably stop her, but I couldn't do it; I liked it. She kept kissing my neck so I just closed my eyes again to enjoy it, only for tonight. I wouldn't let happen anything, I wouldn't do anything; I was just letting her kissing my neck, only that. It has been a really long time since the last time someone kissed my neck; and the fact that she was the one who was doing that, was making me feel... weird, in a good way. Only for tonight I could pretend she was mine, that I wasn't lonely. Then she started kissing my jaw and then she kissed the corner of my lips. Now my heart was beating really fast in a way that was completely insane, not only that, but my body also started trembling because of my nervousness and thrill. She brushed her lips with mine; they tasted so good. I couldn't help it; I placed one hand on her jaw and I nuzzled her nose with mine, still brushing our lips. Then she kissed my mouth very slightly. I knew I should stop her right now, I knew it; but I couldn't do it. Instead, I kissed her back, softly and tenderly. I broke the kiss to brush her lips and feel them, and then she kissed me again; this time it was a deeper kiss and even more intense, but I tried to keep it tender and sweet. I was feeling so many emotions that it was ridiculous, I wasn't feeling so lonely now; only for tonight, I kept repeating in my mind. Then she stopped kissing me and started giving me soft pecks while I was caressing her cheek with my thumb. She breathed against my lips for a while as I still had my eyes closed.

"Thank you, Darren." She murmured in front of my lips.

When I heard this, I abruptly moved my face away from hers and I tried to look at her face, but it was dark. She was sleepwalker, I remembered. She rested her head again on my chest as I stared the ceiling again, puzzled. Oh crap, I was feeling so bad. She thought I was Darren, so that was why she was kissing me. I bit my lips and I frowned, feeling a painful lump in my throat; doing a hard effort not to cry, but I couldn't get it. I started crying silently, a muffled crying; trying my best not to make any kind of sound, so she wouldn't notice I was crying. She was going to reject me; she was still in love with Darren. And I was feeling this pain in my chest, the pain of feeling completely lonely again; the pain of having an unrequited love; the pain of being in love with my best friend.

---

You arrived in Ann Arbor on Tuesday at noon. You went straight to Brian's room which was going to be your room too. You still had to look for your personal belongings that were in the room you shared with Meredith; but you didn't want to leave Brian alone, because today he seemed to be feeling even worse. He looked haggard, he had dark circles and he didn't talk since he woke up until you arrived here. Anyway, you didn't want to force him to talk. When you arrived you thought it could be good to make coffee for the two of you to start the day and come back to your normal activities. You opened the cupboard and you saw that there was nothing, it was empty; but fortunately there was a jar of instant coffee. You reminded to yourself that you should go to the campus grocery and buy some things. Brian was just sitting on the couch and you walked to him to ask if he wanted some coffee. But he was there sleeping sitting, resting his elbow on the arm of the couch and resting one side of his face on his hand. You looked at him in silence for a while; he seemed to be very tired. You walked closer and then you placed one hand on his shoulder and shook it softly. He woke up abruptly, like alarmed and confused. When he looked at you, he frowned and rubbed his eyes, still sleepy.

"Brian, sorry I woke you up. I was wondering if you want coffee." You asked softly, smiling slightly.

"Umm, no thanks." He replied, his voice husky with sleep, still rubbing his eyes. Then he yawned.

"You look tired." You commented softly, sitting next to him and caressing his cheek softly. He turned his face slightly, as though he didn't like you doing this.

"Yeah, it's just that last night I couldn't sleep at all." He answered while still yawning and looking away. "You know, the storm."

"Yes, it was a terrible storm. But hey, a coffee could help you to feel up." You said smiling.

"Yeah, but I... I think I'll skip classes today, I feel really tired." He said frowning with sleepy eyes and dark circles, looking down. He looked so much older. "I... I'll go to bed." Brian said standing up and you looked at him and nodded. "Umm, feel free to do what you want... After all, umm... You'll live here too."

"Yes, thanks." You said softly still looking at him, even though he wasn't looking at you. "I hope you can rest."

"Thanks." Brian said softly and then he turned around and started walking to the bedroom.

You heard how he closed the door and you sighed. He was acting very different with you. He was still being nice; but you noticed he was more distant. He didn't talk too much, he barely smiled, he looked tired and sad, and he always tried to avoid your hugs or any other caring gesture. He wasn't like that before. Well, you really needed to understand he wasn't going through a good moment; with this entire thing about his dad, the job, the college, his economic situation; and now there was also the fact that he's been feeling lonely since more than a year because he hasn't been with any girl, not even a simple kiss. You couldn't understand that, though; he was a really handsome and amazing guy, why wouldn't he get at least a hook up? It was hard for you to believe that no girl was interested on him; even Meredith thought he was sexy and sympathetic when she met him. You never thought that Brian, out of all the people, could have low self-esteem. No way. Well, you were going to help him with the girl he was in love with, once you get to know it. You were sure the girl wouldn't reject him, he was adorable. You stood up and searched for your phone. It was time to turn it on and check if you got any text or call in the last three days. Oh what the hell? As soon as you turned on your phone, it didn't stop buzzing. You looked at it stunned. 20 text messages, 35 missed calls and 26 voicemails. Everything was from Darren. What the heck was this? He was crazy. It certainly made you feel moody. But why would he do all of that? Why? Anyway, you decided to text him back.

---

So, I attended my first class in the morning and now I didn't have any other class until 4pm, which was good because I had a lot of things to do. I had to catch up with a lot of assignments and it was driving me crazy. I never thought this year could be so hard; I almost had no free time. And I also had to go to Meredith's room so I could catch Freckles before she could pack all of her belongings to move out. But I was starting to think that I wouldn't be able to make it in time; not with all the things I had to do: Write a script of a full-length play for the Playwriting course; analyze two scripts for the Directing course, explore issues of clarity and expressiveness through use of drafting tools for the Drafting & Model Making course, read a book about the origins and evolution of the theatre building and theatrical design for the History of Theatre Architecture and Stage Design course, and practice my monologue for the Acting course. Oh fuck, I didn't even know when I was going to do all of that stuff. Crazy, it was crazy! And I wasn't the only one who was moody because of this, Joey was also kinda crazy and moody; so I really didn't want to talk to him because we were going to end up arguing over a really stupid thing like what happened this morning when we started arguing about leaving the soap in the right or left side of the sink. That was a truly pathetic argument, but we both argued in a rude way. Pathetic. So I was now in my room, trying to draw a stupid scenography I had in my mind, but I couldn't make it; the drawing wasn't even by close of what I had in mind, and I didn't want to think how the hell I was going to make a model of that. It was absurd that we had to make this, some people just weren't talented with this kind of stuff and this had nothing to do with theatre; well yeah, it had to do, but I was never going to do this in my entire life, so I just couldn't understand why I had to do that. Therefore, I was very moody. And to make things worse, Joey got out from the bedroom, apparently angry.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to mix up your socks with mine? And also, how many times do I have to tell you not to leave your stupid clothes on the floor? Muggles have their place, mudbloods have their place, and so do your clothes! Namely a dresser!" He asked very angry with a pair of socks in his hands.

"What?" I asked in disbelief, irritated. "Oh, suck my balls! Those socks just look like yours! I didn't even know I had those striped pink socks. And what about the clothes, Joey? You also leave all of your clothes on the floor. Once I tangled my feet with one of your stupid t-shirts and I got a scratch on my face thanks to that. A fucking scratch! On my face!"

"That wasn't my fault! It's not my fault that you're so clumsy to tumble with a t-shirt on the floor." Joey said angrily, pointing me with his forefinger.

"What, am I clumsy now?" I asked moody and when he was about to answer, I raised my eyebrows and pointed him with my forefinger. "Do not even try to answer that!" I said firmly.

"Whatever! Go and take out all of your clothes from the floor! I've spent like an hour trying to find my script in that messy bedroom, all thanks to you!" Joey said almost yelling.

"Well, I might be clumsy but you totally have a terrible memory! If you could think a little more, you'll remember that you left your scripts there on the desk, precisely because you said you weren't going to leave anything in the messy bedroom!" I said pointing the desk in which Joey's scripts were. He looked that direction and frowned, not saying anything at all. "This argument is pathetic, man."

"Yeah, it is..." Joey said looking away, serious. I looked at him for a while and then I started laughing out loud. He looked at me and started laughing along with me. "Buddy, as if we were two ladies living together!"

"Correction: Two completely hysterical ladies living together." I said still laughing.

"Yeah, especially if people get to see these pink socks." Joey said showing me the striped pink socks again.

"Hey, pink is totally awesome, man. Do not mess with the pink!" I screamed while still laughing.

I ran to Joey and grabbed the pink socks and put them on my hands, then I walked to the bedroom and put on an old pink t-shirt I had, I grabbed another pair of pink socks and put them on my feet, and I also grabbed a flamboyant pink feather boa that I stole from the Costume Design course and I wrapped it on my neck. Then I walked to Joey again, in a very effeminate way. He looked at me really amused and burst out laughing.

"I'm the pink man!" I screamed like a girl.

"Oh wait, wait! I have something else you can wear! I got it from the Costume Design course!" Joey said excited.

He ran to the bedroom and came back with a pink deerstalker hat, a pink feather purse and a pink lipstick. He placed the hat on my head and I hung the purse on my shoulder. Then he put lipstick on my mouth, surely in a very wrong way because I felt lipstick on my nose, but whatever. This was hilarious.

"I'm totally awesome, biatch!" I screamed like a girl again.

Then I heard someone knocking the door, so I walked to it in an effeminate way, swinging the feather boa; as Joey was laughing hard and taking me pictures with his phone. I opened the door and posed in an effeminate way: hip cocked to one side and hands on my hips, puckering up my lips and fluttering my eyelashes.

"Hello. Welcome to the pink land." I said with woman's voice.

I finally looked at the person. I thought the person would be any of our friends, but I was wrong. A complete stranger, a guy, was right there looking at me from head to toe, aghast. I suddenly felt very ashamed, so I stood upright and I tried to make a serious face to dissimulate at least a little the ridiculous way I looked.

"Yeah? Can I help you?" I asked with my normal voice now, serious. The guy was still looking at me aghast.

"Yes, I came to ask if you could speak lower; because I wouldn't stop hearing a scream of a girl while I'm trying to concentrate on my studies." The guy said serious.

"Oh yeah, sorry. My roommate and I..." I started saying and I noticed how the guy popped his head to look at Joey and he frowned astonished. "Promise to speak lower."

"Yeah, and please, especially tell that to the girl." The guy pointed.

"Oh yeah, that was me." I answered and I bit my lower tongue not to laugh. "We're practicing... You know, theater students."

"Right..." The guys said raising his eyebrows. "Okay, bye..."

"Bye! Have a good day." I greeted cheerfully and I quickly closed the door to look at Joey and burst out laughing along with him. "Oh my fucking god! That was hilarious!"

"Hell yeah! You should have seen that guy's face! I'm pretty sure he thought we were a transgender gay couple having an argument!" Joey said laughing out loud.

"Look at us. We are honeybee!" I said with woman's voice, winking at Joey. "And for the record, I play the girl role, cause I'm a transsexual woman."

"I always knew you were the type who likes to receive and not give." Joey said winking and I laughed, taking off the feather boa and the hat.

"Give me hard! Make me scream!" I begged while laughing.

After taking off that costume and the lipstick, I sat on the table to keep trying to draw that scenography I had in mind and Joey grabbed his scripts and went to the bedroom. This drawing totally sucked, but I needed to get this shit done because I had more things to do. I was concentrated again, but my phone buzzed and distracted me. I grabbed it lazily while erasing a part of the drawing I didn't like; but when I read the name of the person who sent me a text message, my heart skipped a beat and I put aside all I was doing to read it.

From Freckles: Stop sending me texts and calling me, Darren. Just stop.

And that was everything she replied me after all the time I tried to communicate with her. Well, now I wasn't so excited and bright. It actually made me feel bad. Has she even listened to my voicemails telling her I was sorry and all I wanted was to apologize? Because, if she has done it, this text message was kinda rough. I didn't know if I should reply her or not. Anyway, what would I reply her? 'Hey, I'm telling you sorry for the thousandth time and that's all you've got to say? Gee, thanks.' No, I couldn't reply her that because I didn't want to make things worse; I just wanted to apologize and talk honestly to her so I could start my life again without her. Then I came up with an idea. I put my drawing and some books I was going to need for the next course in my backpack and I left my room. I walked straight to Meredith's room.

"Hi, curly boy." Meredith said when she opened the door. "Come in."

"Alright, smiley girl." I greeted her, entering her room and closing the door behind me.

"If you're looking for Freckles, she's not here and she won't come here today." Meredith said putting some books in her backpack.

"Why not?" I asked curiously.

"She said she'll make it another day because she has to pack a lot of things and she doesn't want to leave her friend alone, because apparently he's feeling worse." Meredith answered while putting some pens and notebooks in her backpack. "Hey, I really have to go, I have class right now. Sorry."

"Wait! I need to ask you a huge, very huge favor that I promise I'll return to you." I begged and she looked at me suspiciously.

"Well, I think the favor is indeed a huge one, otherwise you'd never say you'll return it to me. What's that favor about?" She asked.

"Well, it turns out that Freckles finally replied my text messages." I started saying and she looked at me raising her eyebrows with a big smile and she was about to say something but I interrupted her. "But... It wasn't a nice answer. She asked me to stop texting and calling her." I said and she closed her mouth and looked down. "And you know I really need to talk to her and apologize. But how would I do it if she doesn't want me to call her? And this is the part in which you take action." I said and Meredith looked at me suspiciously, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you want from me, curly boy?" She asked.

"I was wondering if you could call her and tell you need her here for some random reason. I'm sure she'll listen to you and she'll come here, you both are friends. So, you have to go now, but I could stay here and so then, by the time Freckles arrives here... Surprise! I'm gonna be the one who opens the door, so that way we'll finally talk." I said really quickly, really hoping she could say yes.

"I don't think it's a good idea... She's gonna hate me for that." Meredith said frowning, looking down, thoughtful. I walked to her and I held both of her hands.

"I beg you, Mere. I promise I'll tell Freckles that I forced you and you had no options, so she won't hate you. I really, really need to talk to her right now, and this is the only option. Please, help me!" I begged looking into her eyes and she sighed.

"Okay, I'm gonna do it. But you owe me this; I'll keep it in mind. Maybe you'll have to buy me a huge jar of Nutella." Meredith said frowning and I giggled.

"Thanks! I'll buy you thousand huge jars of Nutella! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I said hugging her and kissing quickly her cheeks repeatedly.

"Ugh! Go away, Darren!" She said frowning and I laughed as she grabbed her phone. "Be silent, I'm calling her. You owe me a big one, Criss."

"Yes!" I said in a whisper, smiling widely.

"Hey, Freckles! How is everything going? Oh, I see. Yeah, it seems weird... Yes, better if he takes a nap, maybe he needs it with all the things that are happening. I feel bad for him... Okay, I'll be careful not to mention that in front of him; yeah I wouldn't like him to feel even worse. Isn't there anything I can do? Okay, if you ever need my help, just let me know, really." Meredith was saying while talking to Freckles. I was looking at her intrigued; maybe they were talking about Brian and I wondered again what it could be happening. "Oh yes, right, yes I was calling you for a specific reason. I understand you don't want to leave Brian alone, but I was wondering if you could come over here now for a couple of hours? Because I have this assignment that is drawing a sketch of a costume; I have it in mind, but I can't draw it because I'm terrible at it and you're so good... I promise I'll return you the favor." Meredith said a bit nervous because she didn't like to lie. I bit my lips to prevent the laughter. That was a convincing excuse. "Why are you laughing? Okay yes, I get it! Call me drama queen, but I really can't do it without you! Please? It won't take so long. Oh my god, thank you a lot, Freckles! Thanks! Yes, come over here when you can. In an hour? Yes, seems good. Okay, see you soon, then. Thanks!" Meredith said and hung up. She got it! I knew that!

"Thank you, Mere! You're the best!" I said hugging her tightly.

"Argh, go away! I didn't like to lie. You really owe me one." Meredith said frowning and I kissed her cheek.

"Yes, I won't forget this." I said smiling.

"Well, I have to go now. Good luck with Freckles, curly boy." Meredith said grabbing her backpack. "Please, try not to burn my room or something... Oh boy, I should be scared to leave you alone here." She said looking around and worried as I laughed. "Okay, see you later."

Meredith turned around and left the room. And I stayed there, not knowing what to do. I had to wait an hour. What was I going to do? Maybe I could go to the Blue Apple and buy some things for us; maybe a coffee and some cookies, or something. But then I remembered I didn't have the keys of the room, so I was like stuck in here. I walked to Meredith's cupboard to see if she had something at all. Well, she had a jar of instant coffee and of course there was a lot of food; no doubts it was Meredith's room. I grabbed two bowls and I put some chip cookies in one bowl and chocolate cupcakes in the other bowl and I placed them on the table. Then I started making two coffees so by the time she arrives, the only thing I would have to do would be to heat it. But I did it too fast and I still had 45 minutes till she arrives. I sat on the table and I stared at nothing in particular, the wait was killing me, I needed to get distracted with something. I stood up and I started looking all the fantastic paintings and drawings by Freckles that were hung on the walls. She was really talented, it was incredible. Surely she was the best student in her program. After a while, I found myself in the bedroom, lying like an idiot on Freckles' bed, smelling the pillow; this was pathetic, but it had her smell and I liked it. Then something caught my attention: Freckles' closet was open and I could see a notepad, a particular notepad; it was her journal. I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but I stood up and walked to there to grab the journal. When I had it in my hands, I first observed the notepad cover. It was made by herself; it was painted with the colors of the rainbow and it had peculiar and eccentric figures painted, particularly odd shapes of eyes. She liked eyes, apparently. In the bottom of the notepad cover, it spelled 'Journal' with an extraordinary handwriting. I shouldn't open it, it was something private. But I wanted to do it, I was super intrigued. What if she mentioned me in there? I opened it and I saw the first page. It was just a very realistic graphite drawing of an eye; the only part that had color was the iris of the eye; it had the colors of the rainbow and the eye was shedding a tear, also with the colors of the rainbow. I never thought that a simple drawing could express so many feelings. It was like the rainbow expressed happiness and the tear expressed sadness; duh, very well thought, it was a journal, surely it had written sad and happy things. In the bottom of the page was written her name in black ink. I turned the page of the notepad and I looked at it stunned. That was magnificent, this wasn't a normal journal, this was a masterpiece of art combined with her thoughts. It was outstanding. The pages were painted with watercolors: sometimes it was just a colorful background with things drawn in ink, sometimes it was surrealistic landscapes, sometimes distorted human figures; there were also a lot of collages with magazine and newspapers clippings; some of the pages were flat and some of them were textured and embossed. And she didn't write in a normal way, respecting the lines of the paper. No. She wrote with different types of handwriting and also with letters from magazine clippings; and the letters and words usually lined the contour of her drawings; or sometimes the letters and words created a drawing. This was fantastic, man. I was so mesmerized by her work of art that I didn't pay attention to the things she wrote. The first thing I read was a beautiful phrase: 'The appearance of things change according to the emotions, and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.' And it was written next to drawing in ink that she drawn of her sister, Brian and her, laughing together. That drawing seemed to be a photo, it was really well drawn. I kept turning pages until something caught my attention. There was a picture of me in a colorful painting in watercolors and under the picture was written 'Darren Everett Criss' in ink, with her amazing handwriting. It seemed to be the cover of something, like the title of a chapter in a book. I turned the page to find out that indeed, she wrote about me in the next pages. Should I read this? I wasn't sure, I knew I shouldn't do this, it was really wrong. But she wrote about me and I needed to know. My heart was beating fast and I was really nervous. I read the first phrase that was written: 'Often we let go little things without knowing how big they are.' When I read that I started feeling something painful in my chest; it was a wonderful thing and it made me feel thrilled; but I still didn't know if that meant something good or not. I needed to keep reading now. I was about to turn the page, but something stopped me abruptly. Someone knocked the door. Shit, shit, shit! It was surely Freckles! I was feeling very edgy. I put the notepad just where it was and I stood up quickly. I took several deep breaths to calm down and pretend I was doing nothing. Damn shit, I really needed to calm down and focus that I was here to have a quiet talk with her and to apologize to her. Okay, I was ready. I walked to the door and I opened it to see the very beautiful Freckles standing in front of me with a surprised face. Alright, here we go...

"Hi, Freckles!" I greeted cheerfully and she kept looking at me serious and surprised.

"Hi..." She answered in a whisper, curtly.

"Please, come in." I said while stepping aside so she could get in.

She entered the room slowly and looked around; she was surely looking for Meredith. Her gaze stopped on the table and she stared it for a while, in silence. I closed the door and I stood there behind her, feeling a bit nervous. She finally turned around to look at me, still serious.

"I was looking for Meredith..." She said serious looking at me and I looked down, biting my lips. It was time to explain she wasn't here.

"Well, umm..." I babbled. "She... She is not here."

"Weird... Is she coming any soon?" She asked coldly.

"Umm... No." I replied feeling very awkward, still looking down.

"Oh... I see..." She said slowly and I looked at her. She was raising an eyebrow and she seemed to be disgruntled. "I've been cheated."

"No, it's not like that..." I said softly and she raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Well, somehow yeah; but I swear it's for a good reason."

"I don't wanna know what the reason is. I can't believe Meredith has done this..." She said almost in a whisper, frowning and looking down.

"It's not her fault. I forced her." I said awkwardly. She looked at me in disbelief and she huffed bitterly.

"Whatever..." She said coldly and started walking to the door. I quickly stood in front of the door to prevent her from leaving. She looked at me upset. "If you excuse me, I have things to do." She said coldly.

She tried to reach the doorknob to leave, but I managed to grab both of her hands. She looked at me frowning and upset, but also stunned. I just looked at her deeply into her eyes, a supplicant look most likely as my 'puppy eyes' as she used to call them; yet, I didn't know if this kind of look still had effect on her as before. At least it made her stop frowning and made her shift her gaze.

"Please don't go." I said supplicant and softly. She looked at me again, now she didn't seem upset, she seemed thoughtful. "Let me talk to you. I promise that I won't make you feel bad again; I just planned this all to have a quiet and honest talk; not like the last time we saw each other. So, please, stay." I begged with the same supplicant look. She looked into my eyes silently for a while.

"Alright." She replied and I looked at her with a slight smile on my face.

"Alright?" I asked as checking if I heard well.

"Yes, alright." She repeated and let out my hands to walk to the chair and sit, leaving her backpack on the floor as I was just looking at her amazed, very thankful.

"Thank you." I said honestly, walking to the table. "Do you want some coffee? And there are cookies and cupcakes to eat."

"Yes, I saw them, I'm not blind. And no thanks, I don't want coffee." She answered looking at a random point of the table.

I really didn't hear her response, because I walked to the microwave and put there the two cups of coffee, giving her my back, trying to think how I was going to start this conversation. I really didn't plan what I was going to tell her; yes, I knew I wanted to apologize, but I didn't plan how. When the coffee was already heated, I grabbed the two cups of coffee and I stood behind her to place her coffee cup in front of her. She looked up at me.

"I said I didn't want coffee." She said and I walked to the chair right in front of her with my cup of coffee to sit there.

"Are you gonna reject the coffee I enthusiastically made for you?" I asked looking at her into her eyes, with those typical sad eyes; in a jokingly way.

"Hmm..." She murmured and I noticed a very slight but amused smile on her face while she was looking at the coffee. "Do I really have to risk my life?" She asked and I looked at her a bit confused, frowning a bit amused. Then she finally looked at me, she had an amused face. "I mean, both you and me know you're definitely not good when it comes to everything related to domestic activities; so I could be risking my life if I drink the coffee." She said amused and I looked at her amazed before starting to laugh.

"Oh yeah, you still remember. But really, is there any way I could screw a damn coffee? Do you really think I am that bad?" I asked amused and she looked at me raising an eyebrow still smiling amused.

"Do I have to answer that? I really don't wanna hurt your feelings." She answered. I really liked the way she was making this easy and not so hard in the tense situation between us.

"Well, you'll hurt my feelings if you don't drink the coffee I made with all my little heart." I said placing a hand on my heart and pouting. She chuckled softly and I took a sip of my coffee. "It's not so bad, you know?"

"Hmm, I'll give it a chance. If I die, please, tell everybody I love them and that my will is in my nightstand, written in a napkin." She said in a theatrical voice, placing her hand on her heart.

"In a napkin? Seriously?" I asked amused, raising my eyebrows.

"Yes, I didn't have too much to write; so..." She said shrugging. "Wish me luck." She said grabbing the cup of coffee as I chuckled softly, looking at her. She took a sip and frowned. "Am I already dead?"

"Hey!" I said laughing. "It's not so bad." I said frowning and pouting.

"No, actually it's not. I'm impressed." She said smiling softly as she took another sip and I looked at her, smiling back.

She left the cup on the table and stared at it. I was just looking at her silently, still smiling slightly, with my hand on the cup of coffee. She didn't look at me and she didn't say anything, but that was fine. It was weird to be with her like this, but it still felt good. Look at her, I was in love with that girl over there; we were in love and we shared so many fantastic things. And here we were, two strangers not so strangers, drinking hot coffee in a random afternoon. We were no longer the teenagers of that time; we were now two young people exploring new things. It was nostalgic, but it felt good anyway. When she looked up at me with her big and bright eyes, I smiled friendly and she smiled faintly.

"There's a curious thing about us." I finally said and she looked at me intrigued. "And it's the fact that I was never capable of guessing what could happen between us over time."

"What do you mean?" She asked intrigued, looking into my eyes.

"Well, think about this: When I first met you in high school, you were just a weird girl, a stranger for me. I never thought I could ever talk to you; yet we became friends. When we were friends, I only thought we were going to be like those people who have fun together but never hang out outside school; yet we became best friends and we shared so many secrets, spending a lot of time together. When we were best friends, I never thought I could ever have deeper feelings for you; yet I fell in love with you, and we became a couple, you became my very first real love. I remember I couldn't stand spending a single minute without you." I said softly, smiling warmly and looking deeply into her eyes. She was also looking deeply into my eyes, but she was silent and she wasn't smiling. "When you were mine, I always thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with you, because you were meant to be with me; because you were perfect to me, you were the one and only for me; you were like my everything. I was sure about it; yet, here we are; we became like this sort of strangers." I said raising my forearms and shrugging. "Who would have ever imagined that we could end up like this? I'm sure none of the people who witnessed our teenage love could have imagined it. And I'm also sure neither of us did it." I said almost in a whisper, still looking into her eyes, even though she was now looking down at her cup of coffee. "So that's it all; I think I'll never be capable to guess what could happen to us. Maybe that's a cool thing, an exciting thing; not knowing what will happen next, getting surprised all the time. I do think that even the most unexpected thing could happen, you see, it was always like that." I said smiling faintly as she was still looking down. "Yeah, it's exciting not knowing what will happen next. But also, sometimes, I wish I could just decide and draw my destiny the way I'd really want it to be; our destiny the way we'd really want it to be. I'm aware I can't do that, but I know I can do at least a little something to try to route it. And it starts with my apologies." I said softly, looking into her eyes which were now looking at me again.

She was serious, but she wasn't looking at me in a cold way, it was more like she was intently listening to me and she was trying to understand everything I was saying. I stood up and I grabbed the chair to move it next to her. She was only looking at me silently; apparently she couldn't understand why I was doing it. I sat on the chair and I took both of her hands, looking intensely into her eyes. She was a bit nervous, I could sense it in her hands that were sweating; and also in her eyes that were looking at me straight in the eye. However, she didn't let out my hands and she didn't move away.

"I'm really sorry for the way I treated you that Friday night. I was out of myself and now I know perfectly which the reasons were. I treated you in a very rude way you did not deserve and I really didn't mean most of the things I said. I'm also very sorry for the way I kissed you; it was an impulse I could not control for being so mad, frustrated and sad; but mostly for being confused. I sincerely apologize to you and I hope you can take my apology." I said honestly, still looking intensely into her eyes and still holding her tiny hands. She was about to say something, but I quickly interrupted her. "Do not say anything yet. If I want you to really forgive me; then first I have to be completely honest with you and I need to explain you what I've been feeling all this time that led me to treat you in that terrible way."

"Honesty hour?" She asked looking straight into my eye. I looked down and chuckled faintly.

"Honesty hour." I said now looking into her eyes again, with a slight smile. She only nodded. I took a deep breath before start talking; I was going to tell her absolutely everything. "When I met you again here, I was still in love with you. You already know I've spent last year searching you everywhere and you already know why we grew apart, regardless if you believe it or not." I said and she looked down, biting her lower lip. I knew she still didn't believe it, but that wasn't my point. "The point is that I could never get over you, I never stopped loving you. So, when you were finally back here, I thought we were going to get back together again, because I've dreamed of that moment since we grew apart. But things weren't going as I expected. You were distant and you were different; I started feeling confused and frustrated." I admitted, frowning slightly and biting my lower lip, looking down. When I looked up again, she was looking at me sadly. "Every time I tried to get close to you, you were just trying to get away from me. I do not blame you for that; but in that moment I was really blaming you; I was feeling mad at you. I was feeling mad because I was all the fucking time thinking about you, because I couldn't take you off my mind, because I was still in love with you; and you weren't feeling the same for me, I could sense it. I was mad because we weren't being as we used to. You found the way to move on while I was stuck. You found someone new to love, while I could never find someone like you; it just made me feel terrible. It made me feel terrible the way I noticed that now you didn't care about me the way you used to care; and I let anger replace what I was actually feeling that it was sadness for having lost the most important person to me." I said looking sadly into her eyes and my voice cracked as I squeezed softly her hands. She only gulped and looked down. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath before talking again. "Hence I wrote a song for you with the idea that in that way I would get over you; hence I yelled at you and said hideous things I didn't mean. I decided to be prideful and hide my real feelings; so I disguised the sadness and loneliness I was feeling; turning them into anger, hate and coldness. That's how human beings act when they're ashamed of their own real feelings. I was ashamed to admit that you were still the only person I wanted to be with. I wanted to hold you in my arms, to caress you, to kiss you; but I hid it and, instead, I yelled at you, I made you feel like crap and I told you I hated you while what I truly wanted to tell you was that I loved you. My stupid pride won me." I said bitterly, looking blankly at the floor, raising an eyebrow and shrugging, still holding her hands. I sighed and looked at her again. "I just couldn't stand the idea of letting you go; of being without you after all the time I've been waiting for you to be with me again. I couldn't stand the idea of seeing you with another guy who could make you smile and feel loved, because I was the only one supposed to make you feel that way." I said with choked voice and teary eyes, squeezing her hands softly, looking into her eyes. She was looking at me sadly. "I'm selfish, I know." I said looking down now, frowning. Then I felt how Freckles let out one of her hands to place it on my chin and lift it to make me look into her eyes.

"You are not selfish." She said softly looking deeply into my eyes and I looked at her very distressed.

"Thanks. But yes, I am. You know why?" I asked looking into her eyes and she didn't say anything, as though she was expecting the answer. "Because I truly loved you; so I should have thought about your happiness. I should have felt happy for you knowing that other guy was making you feel happy. It's all I should have cared. But no, I refused to think that I wasn't that guy. So I was selfish." I explained her and she looked down. "I truly apologize for all my mistakes. I never meant to make you feel bad, that is the last thing I wanted. I just couldn't control my feelings and I'm really sorry for that."

"And I really forgive you and thank you for being honest with me." She said softly looking into my eyes, with a slight smile.

I stared her eyes for a while and then I frowned and looked down as I started shedding some tears because this was what I wanted to hear. That was all I needed to start again with my mind clear. After this, everything was going to be left behind. I let out her hands to wipe away my tears.

"But..." Freckles whispered and I looked at her. She was looking away and she seemed to be having troubles to say something. "What you said... It's really moving. But I can't be with you again because... I'm no longer in love with you." She said slowly and awkwardly, still looking away. I closed my eyes, pursed my lips and nodded, then I looked at her again; she was still looking away.

"I know." I said and she looked at me anguished. "And I finally realized that I'm no longer in love with you as well." I admitted, scratching the nape of my neck and pursing my lips. She looked at me confused, frowning. "It took me a long time to finally truly understand that I couldn't be in love with you because you've changed and I've changed; and we're not the teenagers we used to be. All this time I've been seeing you as the girl I used to know, without wanting to admit you were no longer like that way. I've been seeing you like that teenage girl because a part of me still didn't want to deal with the fact that I lost the one person who brought too much happiness to my life; to deal with the fact that it was time to admit I was alone and I had to start over again, because I didn't know how to start over again, because it scared me. So I hung on the memories I had of you, instead seeing the reality. I wasn't in love with you; I was in love with the memory of you; that was my biggest mistake." I said looking at her apologetically as she was looking at me curiously, but apparently feeling more relieved. "And I was afraid I could turn our best memories of our love story into a bad one; because it wouldn't be fair, because I still think what we had was special, even if now we aren't the same, even if now we don't feel the same; our love was something remarkable and unforgettable. I want to keep those memories as something good as it should be." I said smiling warmly and she smiled back.

"I want the same. And I also think that what we had was something special and unforgettable, regardless of how it ended. We're here now, after more than a year, being honest and trying to give it a different ending, a good one." She said smiling and then she was the one who took my hands. I looked at her amazed. "Darren, you were a very important person to me and I'll never forget the way you made me feel loved for the first time, the way you taught me what being in love is. You made grow up, you made me a stronger person, you were my eyes when I couldn't see, you picked me up when I fell down, you gave me wings when I couldn't fly. You were always there for me; always. For all of that, I'll be eternally grateful to you; for giving me all of your love. I'll keep it always here, right in my heart. For me, you'll always be that tiny and lovely teenage boy who made me see the light when everything was dark, when everything seemed lost. You'll always be, for me, that warm-hearted teenage boy who saved me. Because you really saved me." She said with teary voice and eyes, looking into my eyes. I was looking at her feeling very thrilled and I couldn't help shedding some tears. "Yes, you said it, you've changed now and I've changed; but I'm sure you're still a warm-hearted guy, you just proved me so. We're not in love anymore and we can't go back in time, but we're full of amazing memories that will never change; and that is what matters." She said sweetly and I pursed my lips and nodded while still shedding some tears. She wiped those tears for me and I smiled at her. "So it's time for me to say I'm also sorry for saying I hate you. No matter what happened, I'll never be able to hate the person who saved me and gave me my best memories. I was also mad because the truth is..." She said gulping and now a bit ashamed and uncomfortable. I frowned slightly in confusion. "The truth is I always thought I wasn't going to feel anything for you again. But I do feel something for you and I didn't like it. I was afraid I could still be in love with you when I thought I was over it." She admitted and I looked at her completely astonished. She bit her lips and raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, that was the truth."

"Are you saying that... you might... be still in love... with me?" I asked slowly, frowning, bewildered. I didn't get it, she said she wasn't in love with me and now she was saying this.

"No. I mean yes, I thought I might be still in love with you; but I am not. I just did have feelings for you; I do have feelings for you." She said and I looked at her really confused. "It's not a feeling of being in love; it's a feeling of being with the guy who once meant the world to me. It's like this feeling of joy, of nostalgia, of remembrance. It's like when you're old and you watch your favorite Disney movie of your childhood; it's a similar feeling. I don't want to compare you to a movie, you know, but it's just..." She started rambling nervously and I chuckled softly and held her hands.

"Hey, it's okay; I get your point." I said softly and she looked at me and smiled. "I feel the same way."

"Well, so that is why I wanted to apologize to you. Because you also didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated you. I was rude and nasty; and I don't like to be like this with you. I don't wanna make you feel bad; I don't wanna see your hurt eyes that looked at me that night. I just want to do the right thing; only that sometimes I don't know what the right thing is, because I wanted to try to be your friend again but I was afraid to let you in too close, because I suspected you felt something more for me and I didn't want to hurt you by telling you I didn't feel the same. So now that you cleared that up it's different. So, thank you and I'm so sorry." She said apologetically looking into my eyes and I smiled kindly at her.

"You're forgiven." I said kindly.

"Thank you, Dare." She said softly and my heart skipped a beat when she called me that way; but now I knew it was because it reminded me to the good memories and not because I was in love with her. "And please, believe me; I'm not a nasty person." She said frowning and I giggled softly.

"Yes, I know you aren't. Listen, I still like a lot of things about you. So... Now that we were honest with each other and we cleared up everything... What do you say if we really try to start over again?" I proposed looking at her with a friendly smile.

"It seems like a good idea." She replied shrugging, smiling back.

"So... Friends?" I asked, stretching out my hand, looking fixedly into her eyes, still smiling.

"Friends." She said smiling widely, shaking out my hand. It made me feel truly happy again. Yes, damn, this was all I needed.

"Can I... hug you?" I asked a bit shyly and she looked at me and let out a soft giggle.

"Of course." She replied and she was the one who leaned to hug me warmly.

"Thank you, Freckles, for forgiving me and for giving me a chance to make up for my mistakes." I whispered in her ear while still hugging her.

"Thank you, Dare, for never giving up and for forcing me to talk to you. We really needed this." She said kindly and then she kissed my cheek.

Her kiss on my cheek felt really nice. I parted and I looked at her with a sweet and happy smile; she smiled back at me. And we stared into each other's eyes for a while, without saying anything at all. Her eyes were bright again and I was feeling really good. Finally we could talk and this was worth it; I was glad that we could be friends. It was good to know she was still going to be part of my life; not only in my memory but also as my friend. I really thought she and I could be good friends; after all, she knew my deepest secrets and I knew hers, and we still had a lot to discover about each other and that was good. Then her phone buzzed and she looked for it as I sat upright on the chair and grabbed my cup of coffee, looking at her happily. She was still smiling, but when she started reading the text message, her smile faded away and she made a worried grimace. She was frowning, pursing her lips and I could sense she was frightened or shocked. She gulped and put her phone aside, looking down. She seemed to be deep in thought, really worried about something. That was weird.

"What is wrong, Freckles?" I asked gingerly.