a/n: So, When it Rains it Pours was originally meant to be a one shot, but some of you thought it should be continued and I do like to please. This is another one shot, set several months after When It Rains it Pours.
Jayne shifted uncomfortably in his seat. River had just announced-not asked-that they would be heading for Osiris, where her family's manor was kept. He wasn't opposed to it-in fact River had been hinting at this for the last couple of nights. But Mal's reaction
"Now, you wait here just a sec, lil' albatross," Mal said, standing from his seat, where he had frozen when River had so casually made her announcement. "This is my ship, and I will say where it goes," he said this with a firm voice, crossing his arms across his chest. Jayne had had some inkling that this was coming and he hadn't wanted ta get in the middle-it was Mal's ship and he didn't want to risk getting spaced. Not that he and Mal were on bad terms at the moment, but you never could tell with the captain.
"And I'm your pilot, captain daddy," River said with a coy smile walking over to Mal. Jayne leaned back, glancing at both Inara and Kaylee who were nervously watching the interchange.
"And as pilot, you'll go where I gorram tell you to go," Mal growled.
"Please, Captain Daddy?" River said, pouting. "Father and Mother wouldn't be as streaky and there would be fewer waves." She glanced sideways at Simon who was sitting rather rigidly, gripping Kaylee's hand. "It is necessitous that Kaylee views her procurement prior the happy event," River said, glancing slyly at Kaylee who managed to blush and look confused all at once.
"Now, you'll have to say that again, 'cause I'm not quite sure I understand what you just said," Mal said shifting uneasily in his seat.
"Kaylee should meet our family properly," Simon said tightly. "It's a core tradition, one that my parents would prefer to be honored."
Kaylee's brow was furrowed. "Meet your family properly? But I met them on the ship!" Kaylee said.
"Yes, but my parents will want a formal dinner with a few select family friends. I suppose they would want to 'properly' meet Jayne as well," Simon said, frowning. "For you, Kaylee, they would want to meet your parents as well, since we are engaged. I think the Captain would be an acceptable stand in, however," Simon explained. "This is a long standing tradition, for the two families to have a formal dinner together."
River had moved back to sit with Jayne who had stiffened at the mention of the words formal dinner and himself within a few moments of each other. "I don't want no formal dinner," Jayne said gruffly. River patted his hand.
"Cementing of Kaylee and Simon's relationship requires at least a meeting with the progenitors. Won't happen without you, though," River said smiling up into Jayne's eyes.
Jayne harrumphed, slumping slightly and pulling River into him. She slid easily under his arm, snuggling into his side. "I'm fine with it," he growled. "Meetin the parents sounds like a fine way to spend a day." He cocked a brow at Kaylee who smiled tremulously.
"I suppose I could properly meet your parents. But what should I wear? I have nothing so shiny for a formal dinner with your parents," Kaylee said in a small voice.
"We'll find something, I'm sure. And my parents will have to accept you the way you are. I love you and I wouldn't want you to change to fit their vision for anything in the world," Simon said with a smile.
"Do not worry, I shall distract the progenitors from criticizing your wardrobe. They shall be too worried about what I choose to clothe myself in to notice yours," River announced with a devious smile. Jayne smirked, wondering what on earth she would put together.
"Oh, thank you, River," Kaylee said, looking slightly worried at what would come of that.
"Have you all lost your minds?" Mal roared, so suddenly that even Jayne flinched slightly. Not that anyone besides River would notice. "This is my ship an' we ain't going to a gorram fancy dinner with River an' Simon's family on a gorram core planet."
"Yes we are," Kaylee said, setting her chin in a way that even Mal had trouble resisting. "I'm going to have a formal dinner with Simon's family and you're going to represent my family, you an' Zoë," She looked over at Mal with a stubborn look and Mal suddenly knew he had lost.
Zoë had raised her eyebrows. "Your family, Kaylee?" she said.
"You're like a young aunt or an older sister to me, Zoë," Kaylee said with a shrug. "I'd like it if'n ya could." Simon nodded, echoing Kaylee.
River sat back and smiled, leaning on Jayne, who glanced down at her. He had an odd feeling that River had known that some part of Simon had needed to formally introduce Kaylee in the core, to bring legitimacy to their relationship. He wondered if that need was the same in River and felt a moment that was composed both of panic and a hungry desire to claim River as his own. He loved River; he knew that. River had never pushed him to commit more than he was willing and he wondered briefly that had changed. He would gladly go through with it if it were just part of giving Simon and Kaylee what they needed, but he was slightly more hesitant at the redefinition of what it meant to his and River's relationship. Part of him was willing to take the next step, become legally entwined, but another part of him rebelled at the thought and he knew he wasn't quite ready for that.
"Don't want a change," River said quietly. "Happy with you now. Only needed to push Simon and Kaylee forward." She looked up at him with a small smile playing about her lips.
Jayne nodded and kissed the top of River's head, much relieved. The others had moved on, Inara and Kaylee discussing what Kaylee ought to wear, Zoë sitting back, stone faced, while Mal was cleaning his dishes.
"I'm going to set the coordinates," River said to Jayne, leaning over and kissing him lightly, laughing lightly as he tried to deepen the kiss and she drew away. She danced out of the kitchen and Jayne shoved back from the table and headed for the hold. It was his turn to tidy and he wanted to get some reps in as well.
***
River had set Serenity down on the Serafina docks with hardly a bump. It was surprising to Mal at least, that nothing had gone wrong yet. It was Osiris, after all, and Serenity had never faired well on the core planets. If this wasn't a core planet, Mal didn't know what was. He shifted uncomfortably, wondering if he could carry his pistol on his chest holster.
"No weapons will be necessitated. We will be safe behind our masks," River said, appearing in the hold.
"Masks, lil albatross?" Mal said frowning even as he realized it would probably be best not to ask.
"Masks. Our faces show no emotions and they become masks and not human," River said, in a rather distant voice.
"Ah, yes. Zoë and I shall be wearing our masks, then," Mal said.
"Good," River said, wandering around the hold, picking up random objects and setting them back down. She was dressed in her pinky orange baggy sweater, a giant red skirt that Mal did not want to know where she had gotten, and combat boots. As Jayne walked into the hold, he stopped short at the sight of River, before bursting out into full belly laughs.
"Darlin' I thought you were goin' ta distract your parents?" He asked, crossing towards River. Mal watched interestedly.
"I am. The discordance between each of these pieces of clothing will be enough to sidetrack my parents' cogitation that they will think Kaylee is clothed like an angel," River said with a small mischievous smile. Jayne snorted, taking another look at the ensemble. He was gorram shiny next ta her. It was too bad, her not wearing those shiny dresses she had. He weren't sure why he'd gone along so easily to visiting her family.
"Well, sure as gorram hell hope it works. Lil Kaylee sure needs all the help she can get," Jayne said, receiving a punch in the arm for his trouble. "Ow!" he whined. "I was just sayin'"
"Insults delivered shall be punished. A bruise is sufficient," River said with a haughty look on her face. Jayne shook his head.
"One o' these days, I'm gonna remember why I didn't want ta date ya in tha first place," Jayne growled. River smiled and stood on her tiptoes, kissing him right on the mouth and reminding of him why he did. Jayne slapped her on the ass as she sauntered past him, heading for the open door. She jumped slightly and smirked back at him. Jayne growled and turned back to Mal and Zoë, who were looking for all the world as if they were very busy. Which meant that they'd been listening in on him and River.
"Don't start," Jayne growled and wondered when they could get this thing over with. He was dressed in his best shirt-the one he used to have for whoring and, for the last year and a half, had been relegated to the bottom of his drawer. He tugged on the sleeves, feeling stifled already.
River came pattering back into hold. "Ready!" she cried with a big smile on her face. Jayne, Zoë and Mal stood just as Simon and Kaylee entered from above and Inara opened the door of her shuttle. Today, Inara had foregone a client and would be joining them, something Mal had been needling her almost ceaselessly about.
River smiled at her brother and Kaylee who both looked a tad green around the gills. "Your aesthetics are pleasing," she said looking up at them. At Kaylee's slightly blank look, she continued. "You're very pretty Kaylee."
"Thank you, River," Kaylee said with a tremulous smile.
"We gonna sit around here all day or are we gonna finish this?" Jayne growled, standing halfway between River and the outside world.
"Movement will occur when all parties are predisposed," River said, joining Jayne. "I am predisposed," she said while looking up at him with a smile.
"I'll just bet you are," Jayne growled and glared at the rest of them. "Let's get goin!" he said. The others moved as well, Mal, Zoë and Inara following Kaylee and Simon while Jayne and River were at the front. It only took ten minutes to walk from the docking station to River' house. During the walk, most of them found themselves marveling over the beauty of the neighborhood. River and Simon, were, of course, oblivious while all of Jayne's attention was focused on River and on not tripping over himself. Kaylee was beside herself, cooing over the well groomed grounds of the manors. It was only the fourth one, with a large iron work fence surrounding it that was the Tams' residence. Jayne halted as River opened the gate, passing the security easily and River had to nearly drag him in. Kaylee was fidgeting with her dress, holding desperately to Simon's arm and Simon was murmuring while the other three were standing back nearly identical looks of awe and disdain on Zoë and Mal's faces while Inara only looked mildly appreciative.
By the time Mal, Inara and Zoë reached the front door, it was open into a large, imposing front hall. The other four's voices were coming from a room to the side and the man holding the door was also holding a few odds and ends: Kaylee's purse that she had gotten specially for the event as well as Simon's jacket. Inara surrendered her wrap while Zoë and Mal looked around the house, automatically checking for traps, exits and possible sources of violence.
"If you will follow me?" the man with the belongings said, having shut the door and somehow gotten in front of them. Inara nodded politely.
"Will ya look at that, a gorram butler!" Mal murmured to Zoë who only cleared her throat lightly in response. They entered a large room that was composed of dark woods and leathers, rich oriental style carpets that were clearly based off rugs from Earth that Was and plenty of vases, small portraits, and figurines. River and Simon seemed unaffected by it but Jayne and Kaylee were standing next to each other; Kaylee was staring around with huge eyes.
"So much shiny," she murmured. Jayne harrumphed.
"Too much if'n ya ask me. Ain't no one needs this much stuff," he grumbled, eyeing the whole room suspiciously.
"I'm so glad you think so," a cultured voice came from behind Jayne. Mal's gaze flew past Jayne's considerably large shoulder. Jayne turned, eyes narrowed towards Gabriel Tam who had entered the room. "My wife and I have worked hard to provide a lovely decorated living room. I'm so very glad you appreciate it," his voice was polite, nearly hiding the sarcasm. Jayne sneered lightly but relaxed when River put a hand on his arm.
"Mr. Tam, we are so glad you have invited us to dinner," Inara spoke up, gliding forward.
"It is a pleasure to see you again, Miss Serra," Regan Tam said as she entered the room from the same door as her husband.
Inara inclined her head. "As it is to see you, Mrs. Tam," Inara said smoothly, covering the slight coughing fit that seemed to have overtaken Mal at that particular moment in time. River had stepped closer to Jayne, holding tightly to his hand. Her sudden insecurity brought Jayne a moment of courage and he straightened his shoulders and lifted his chin, tightening his grip on River's hand.
River was murmuring, "have a home, not staying, the parental force cannot overcome that of the adoptive family," to herself.
Jayne let her mumble to herself, concentrating on thinking the same things. They had worked out, over time, that if he willed himself to feel strongly on something, River would, unless consciously blocking it, pick up on the emotions and the thoughts surrounding it without even looking. She shifted, loosening her muscles before letting go of his hand, having to forcefully extract her own from his grip. She stepped forward.
Her parents turned to her. "River, we've missed you so," her mother stepped forward and River obediently kissed her cheek.
"The distance from x to z is finite." At her parents' discomfited looks, River continued. "I don't miss you. You live." Her parents' faces fell, and Jayne could barely keep himself from snorting. Only River would insult the parents she was trying to get along with. Well, her darling brother probably would, as well. He was looking severely uncomfortable.
"What River means to say is that because you're here and you're alive and well, she doesn't miss you like she would if you were dead," Simon said, taking a step forward.
"Ah, of course," Gabriel Tam said nodding regally.
"Why don't we move to the dining room," Inara said, stepping between Gabriel Tam and his son.
"That is a splendid idea," Regan Tam said, heading quickly for the door she had entered in. With almost no pause, Gabriel swept after her, leaving the crew of serenity to follow. There was a little jumping and moving as the rest of them squeezed through the door. Kaylee was still looking around in awe, Simon and River were oblivious, and Zoë and Mal were both attempting to look as if they landed in this type of house on a regular basis.
The Tam dining room was a large, imposing room, austere in its simplicity. It had followed the theme of dark woods with the walls and floors a dark walnut. The table was covered in a navy blue tablecloth and the settings were both elegant and simple. Gabriel and Regan Tam took the opposite ends while River and Simon seemed to move as if in a dream, taking the seats they had always used, half way between their parents facing each other. There was some confusion as the others took their seats, Jayne muscling his way to sit besides River and Kaylee ending up on River's other side while Mal, Zoë and Inara joined Simon on the other side of the table.
"So, Ms Serra, tell us, how did you end up with this particular crew?" Regan Tam said after a few minutes of awkward silence. The crew, which was usually so boisterous had had little to say and the meals were on the lines of a little too fancy so they were unsure of how to act. Even Simon seemed unsure of what to say and River looked rather too fearful to speak.
Jayne was concentrating on shoving food into his mouth as fast as possible. He wanted out of this gorram house of freaks fast as possible. River stiffened next to him. "Relations are an impossibility that we must conquer or consequences," she murmured so quietly he was the only who heard her.
"What?" he asked, through a mouthful of food, looking at her and catching everyone else's attention at the same time. It took a minute to process, but he finally spoke again, head whipping around to look at River. "Aw, gorram it girl, do I have ta?" he asked, setting his fork down and swallowing fairly swiftly.
"No, but the problematic schema will continue unless you do," River said. At Jayne's blank look, she continued. "You have to break the silence, be polite. No one else will."
Jayne slumped, sighing heavily. "So," he said, ignoring his food, which raised brows from Mal and Zoë. "What exactly is it you do, Mr. Tam?" he nearly growled.
River's father looked slightly nonplussed. River and Simon's parents so far had successfully ignored Jayne. They had been pleasant enough to Kaylee, who was making an effort to ingratiate herself, but Jayne had been nothing but gruff. Social grace, however, forced a response out of him. "I work at a large investing firm. I'm their Chief Financial Officer, which means that I'm about third in the line of command. Something I'm sure you know nothing about," he said, voice haughty.
"Oh I don't know. Way I see it, I'm 'bout third in the chain o' command on Serenity," Jayne growled. "Course, there's a lot more o' the wadin' in fists at the ready in my line o' work than there is in yours." He shrugged his massive shoulders, still managing to look imposing. River was smiling to herself.
"What exactly, do you do, Mr…" Regan Tam spoke up, a delicate frown line marring her forehead.
"Cobb, Jayne Cobb," Jayne said without preamble. "And Mal likes ta call me human resources" River smiled to herself and Mal snorted.
"I do know something about human resources, myself. Worked there before I switched over to accounting. I worked my way up, you see."
"Ah. So did I, you might say. Started small time, y'know. On m'home planet. Worked my way up, lucked into this position," Jayne nodded sagely.
"It always takes a bit of luck. A lot of hard work and some luck. I was lucky to be given a chance to work under a particularly talented CFO when Simon was just a young boy and I worked hard to get where I am today," Gabriel Tam smiled fondly at his wife and children, forgetting for a moment who exactly he was speaking to.
Jayne nodded, thinking. "Picking up with Mal's crew, that was lucky. Had ta prove myself, though," He said, slanting a glance at River. At this point, Mal snorted, louder and both Gabriel and Regan Tam were forced to look in his direction.
"What is so funny?" Gabriel Tam. At this point, River giggled oddly and Jayne grinned.
"Jayne's not quite..human resources," Mal said, choosing his words carefully. "But you could say that is the closest we'll come to a true description," he said with a shrug.
"What is your real job?" Regan Tam said.
"Factors unseen will cause trouble. Sleeping dragons are better left sleeping," River said.
Both of her parents looked to River in confusion, unable to decipher what she was saying. Kaylee stepped in.
"What River is saying is that you would probably be better off not knowing what Jayne does," she said with a smile.
The two of them frowned. "I want to know what kind of man my daughter is involved with," Gabriel Tam said coolly, finally acknowledging the bond between River and Jayne.
There was a moment of silence before Jayne spoke, gravelly voiced. "I'm the one who makes sure jobs go smoothly," he said. "My size and knowledge of weaponry contri-" he frowned looking at River who smoothly said,
"Contributed, he intimidates others with his size and his guns." She smiled at her parents. "Sometimes he lets me try," She shrugged and looked up at him.
Her parents were looking rather aghast. "Darling, you're so small, I don't think you could-"
Jayne interrupted smoothly. "River can beat me in a fight. Y'don't think she'd be able to intimidate someone if'n she wanted to? We've all seen it. She's a natural."
Simon spoke up. "You know River's always been good at everything," he said to his parents sounding placating. "Her reader abilities allow her to pinpoint precisely how to intimidate a client into giving us our pay with the least amount of damage possible," he grinned at River who looked unfazed by the torrent of emotions surrounding her.
"Darling, why are you," Regan Tam shuddered before uttering the next words. "With Mr. Cobb?" The question hadn't been asked directly of River yet and River smiled.
"He sees me. All of me. And he's a rock where I can rest hiding away from the world." River said. Her parents still looked confused.
Jayne had had to have this explained to him a few times when River had started following him around the ship a few months after Miranda. He spoke up. "River 'splained this to me a while back. She feels everythin' we all do an' somehow I'm able to keep the 'motions from bein' too strong. I'm something to-to" he frowned for a moment. "Anchor herself to." He finally said.
Simon felt the need to step in. "Mother, Father, The academy stripped River's amygdala in order to amplify her reader capabilities," he said, looking between the two of them. Neither of them seemed to understand. "They took away her ability to shove an emotion to the back of her brain. All of her emotions and those of others around her, she feels them immediately and cannot not feel them." His mother's expression grew horrified and his father's stony. Jayne felt River's hand creep over and grab his, her tiny hand dwarfed by his own. He squeezed it gently, allowing his own frustrations to drain out of him. Another awkward silence descended over the table and the dessert course was retrieved from the side table where the same man who had answered the door had set it discreetly earlier.
The dinner came to an end, no one particularly wanting to stay for drinks afterwards. Jayne was the first up, causing a slightly awkward commotion as the others quickly rose to join him. It was Inara and Zoë who found themselves thanking the Tams for their hospitality while River and Simon had disappeared into the caverns of the house. Jayne, Mal, and Kaylee all stood as close to the door as they could get. Regan Tam extracted herself from conversation with Inara and hurried over to Kaylee.
"Dear, I hope we see each other soon. It was a pleasure having you for dinner," Regan Tam said with what looked to be a genuine smile.
"I-yes, of course, Mrs. Tam," Kaylee said. "That would be shiny," she said, wincing at the use of the word shiny. Regan Tam nodded and turned to Mal and Jayne both of whom looked rather like they were deer in the headlights. "It was very nice to meet you. I accept that River has made her decision to stay with you and I hope that you would protect her as we would," she said, obliquely, seemingly forgetting that she and her husband had believed River was not being hurt in the Academy.
Mal nodded. "I treat her as if she were my own daughter. Of course, she could kill me in her sleep…" he said, shaking his head.
Regan Tam seemed to disregard the last statement, nodding. "I thank you," she finally said. Turning to Jayne she eyed him. "I think it goes without saying that should you hurt my daughter…" she trailed off, looking as threatening as possible, which wasn't very. It was at that moment that Simon and River reappeared, each rolling a small suitcase.
"Oh don't worry mother, we were just getting a few odds and ends, mostly clothes so River can have a better wardrobe," Simon said. Their reappearance had prompted Inara and Zoë to extract themselves from conversation with Gabriel Tam. The crew was now all standing in the entry way and the butler had mysteriously appeared again, distributing their purses and jackets. The seven of them nearly hurtled out of the house as soon as Simon and River said good-bye, eager to get back to the safety of Serenity. It had been like that on almost every planet and every situation since Mr. Universe's moon. They felt vulnerable and worried if they spent too much time off of serenity.
"Well, that went well," Jayne growled as they stalked up the entryway.
"Actually, it did," Simon said, turning back towards Jayne just before he disappeared to go to the infirmary. "Our parents took your relationship with River quite well, considering." He nearly smiled at Jayne who looked unfathomable.
"Ah. Well then," Jayne grumbled, tugging at his shirt and stalking towards his bunk with River trotting after him. It had been an interesting night and the whole crew seemed to be in agreement that they all needed time on their own after it. Tomorrow would only bring a new set of challenges, after all.