Teenage Dream

by Lucy Samb

You/ Darren Criss fanfic. The story is about your life with Darren in high school, college and professional life among friendship,love,fights,comings and goings and how you both go through serious stuff such as bullying,suicide,discrimination and life itself. It starts when you meet Darren, a guy of your school in St. Ignatius College Preparatory who never noticed you, a loser.

51. Readers and writers

A/N: Hello beautiful people! How are you this week? I hope that despite some bad news we got, you're doing fine! Well, I have some things to say...

This week it's been pretty crappy for me for different things that include family, friends and exams, besides of what happened to Cory, which was something terrible and I hope he can rest in peace. It was more like a series of unfortunate events and bad news; hence why I won't answer your reviews this time because my mind right now is a mess. I'm really sorry, but I swear that I'll answer all of your reviews in the next chapter, as usual, the old and new ones. Anyway, I read them all and I want to thank you a lot for all of them! I liked them because they are very different and all of you have different ideas, suppositions and wishes; also thank you very much for your advices and suggestions. I really appreciate them and I always remember them and I always remember all of you.

Also, thanks for my new readers and thanks for you that have been reading this story since long, I hope you all can enjoy this silly story, despite the drama, the plot twists, the cliffhangers and the comings and goings.

Then, in this chapter I included certain song that alicegursk asked me to include some time ago, so I dedicate it to her; I hope you can enjoy it! If you guys want me to include certain songs or something, just let me know and I'll try my best to find a perfect moment to include it. I want to make you feel that this story also belongs to you (even if sometimes you don't agree with what I write!), because, to be honest, this story wouldn't be the same without you; so I'm just the person who writes it, but I write it thanks to you and your words; I'd want to think that this is, somehow, something we all created together.

Then, I want to suggest you to read another Darren/you fanfic called 'I just want to know you better' by eternityforklaine21; it's really good and I think you'll like it if you like Darren!

And last but not least, remember that sometimes the people you care the most are taken away from you too fast, that is why we should always say caring things to those we love, because it might be the last time we see them. So, I'll propose you something: in this week, tell the people you love that you love them.

With everything said, I wish you an incredible week full of love and joy. See you soon, guys! Warm fuzzies!

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Teenage Dream – Chapter 51 – Readers and writers.

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When I asked February of what girl she was talking about, she didn't text me back and surely she wasn't going to do it. Obviously she thought I didn't know anything about with who Brian was in love with. Or maybe she thought that, judging by my response, Brian's problems didn't involve a girl. I didn't know, but I was moody because she didn't reply me and I needed to know. This all was very strange and I started doubting even more about Freckles and Brian's relationship. No matter what Joey said that it wasn't anything of my business, I felt like it was. And I was determined to find it out. But how? Because Freckles hasn't talked to me or texted me back. It's been five days since the last time I saw her. And it was Friday and on Fridays Brian and Freckles used to come to our apartment to hang out or do something; but this Friday Freckles hasn't appeared. Could she be mad at me for something? Why, though? As far as I knew, I haven't done anything wrong. Anyway, it was still Friday morning, so maybe Freckles was going to reply at least one of my text messages to see what we were going to do tonight.

"Mr. Criss?" I heard the voice of my professor of the Acting course asking and I abruptly opened my eyes, disconcerted.

"Yeah?" I asked gingerly because I was asleep.

Fuck. Why was everybody looking at me? Why the hell did I fall asleep in middle of the class? Why was the professor asking something? The last thing I saw before falling asleep was a boring presentation of a terrible musical. But apparently the presentation has ended long time ago.

"What's your opinion?" The professor asked.

"Umm, well..." I started babbling.

My opinion about what? My classmates started laughing softly and the professor wouldn't stop looking fixedly at me. I looked at Joey who was next to me, to try to get some kind of help from him; but he only laughed at me. Stupid Joey. Maybe the professor was asking about the musical.

"I have no words; it was so good that I'm impressed." I answered and the class laughed even louder as the professor frowned.

"So, your opinion is that it was so good the fact that your classmates chose you to do the extracurricular activity that is to demonstrate to the Freshman students how to perform an structured improvisation? You'll have to stay here all the afternoon, Mr. Criss. It's good to know that there are students really interested in doing this, even if they have to spend extra hours with no reward. I appreciate your enthusiasm, Mr. Criss." The professor said with a grin and I looked at her stunned.

"What?" I exclaimed kind of alarmed as my classmates laughed.

They did it on purpose because I was asleep. Shit, no! I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to spend all the fucking afternoon doing that. I had a life! I couldn't do it. Once I had a free afternoon to chill out, this came to happen. Man, fuck all my classmates. I looked at Joey annoyed, frowning and he just laughed again. The class continued and we had to do contemporary monologues; but I was moody so I didn't participate in the class as much as always. When the class finished, the professor made me stay and when the whole class left, the professor walked to me with a notepad.

"Alright, Mr. Criss. The Freshman students will arrive in a matter of minutes. I have prepared this special class because I don't know what's happening to this new generation of students, but they don't seem to be interested in the class and most of them haven't learned anything." The professor started explaining and I was just listening, but still moody. "Some of them are talented, I won't deny it. But most of them just aren't interested in improving and if they don't do it, I'll have to reprobate them. So, the point of this class is to inspire them somehow and to show them the importance of this class and how interesting it can be." The professor kept saying.

I couldn't believe that students weren't interested in this class because Acting was like the best course ever; and if they were in this program, this course should be their favorite.

"So, what exactly do I have to do with this?" I asked kind of confused.

"You're a Sophomore and luckily your classmates chose you to do this, because you're one of the best students in this course." The professor said and I smiled flattered. "So, I was thinking that maybe you could perform with one of the best Freshman students; so that way they all will find the sense of this course and they'll feel excited to participate. I've planned a sort of game to make it more interesting."

"Sounds good." I said politely. "What sort of game?"

"I want all of them to participate; so I have a series of papers here with some scenes of different movies they'll have to perform. I'll pair the students in groups of two and each group will take one of the papers and perform the movie scene. But first you and one of the best Freshman students will show them how to do it; so maybe they will do a good job for once and all." The professor said raising her eyebrows. Apparently she seemed to be very displeased about the performance of her Freshman students.

"Alright, it seems interesting. I think they'll like it." I agreed. Maybe this wasn't going to be boring as I thought.

"I believe that your enthusiasm will make the Freshman students feel inspired. Thank you, Mr. Criss." The professor said smiling and I nodded in a polite way.

The professor started preparing the class, placing the papers on a table and I just sat on one of the benches, waiting for the class to arrive. When we heard the sound of steps coming closer to the classroom, the professor made me a gesture to walk towards she was. I stood up and walked there, next to her, sitting on the table. A bunch of students entered the classroom in a very noisy way, talking and laughing, completely ignoring that the professor was there. They even glanced at the professor and they ignored her and sat on the benches, still talking and laughing. Well yeah, they indeed didn't seem to be interested in the class. The professor didn't say anything and she was looking at the whole class, apparently searching someone in particular. The professor frowned and sighed, apparently that someone hasn't come. She walked to the door of the classroom to close it and then she walked to where I was.

"Hello, students." The professor greeted but no one listened and everybody ignored her because they kept talking. She glanced at me and shook her head.

"Silence, guys!" I exclaimed loudly to help the professor.

Apparently it worked because now everybody was silent, looking at me frowning, apparently intrigued to know who the hell I was to shut them. I noticed the professor looked at me and nodded in a thankful way.

"Today is gonna be a special class..." The professor started explaining, but her explanation was interrupted by the sound of the door of the classroom opening.

Everybody looked at that direction and I noticed a satisfied smirk on the professor's face. So I turned my face to see who it was. It was Freckles. Whoa! Freckles was in this course! Of course! How wouldn't I have thought about it? Freckles was in the Interarts Performance program and one of the courses she had to attend was Acting for sure. Anyway, I felt surprised and happy to see her here, more considering that I haven't seen her all week long. I raised my eyebrows in surprise and I smiled brightly. Yet, she didn't notice I was there. But wait... She wasn't alone. She was with that Noah guy and she was laughing with him and they were so fucking close. I didn't like it; I didn't even know why, but I didn't like seeing her with Noah; and less to see her so close to him. Was I jealous? No fucking way! I just didn't like that Noah guy, I never liked him. Freckles finally looked up and she finally noticed I was there. When she saw me, she frowned in confusion but with an amused smile. Well, that wasn't a bad sign, I guess.

"What are you doing here?" She muttered with her lips.

I smirked amused, I glanced at the professor frowning, I looked at Freckles again and I shrugged. This made her chuckle softly and made her shake the head. Then she and Noah walked to the benches and sat. Freckles remained looking at me curiously, still with that amused smile.

"So, I was saying that today we have a special class and we're gonna do something different." The professor started saying in an enthusiastic way and I looked at her smiling slightly. "We're gonna do a sort of game."

"What?" A random student asked incredulous, apparently displeased. What was wrong with this class? "That's so..."

"Shut up, Frank." I heard Freckles saying in a bossy way and the guy huffed but he did what she said. Wow.

"As I was saying, we're gonna do a sort of game and for that the person who is next to me has come." The professor said smiling slightly, placing a hand on my shoulder as I looked at the class and I grinned. "This is Darren Criss and he's a Sophomore, one of the best students of this course."

"Hi, guys!" I greeted cheerfully at the class. They looked at me in a very serious way.

"Hi." The class greeted in a monotonous way, except Freckles who was smiling brightly.

"He's here for the purpose of showing you all how to perform rightly a structured improvisation; considering that your performance is poor and if you keep being like this I'll have to reprove most of you and that means you'll be delayed in obtaining the degree." The professor said strictly and the students started complaining. "Silence." The professor demanded in a bossy way and they stopped complaining. "You all are gonna participate in the class. The game..."

The professor started explaining them how the game was and most of them seemed to be annoyed about it. Why were they in this program if they didn't like this course? It was college; it was supposed that you were studying what you liked. However, some of them were interested about this and they seemed to be excited about this; one of them was Freckles. It was really nice to see her so bright and enthusiastic. The Noah guy was also excited and he wouldn't stop whispering things in Freckles' ear that made her laugh; something that was making me feel irritated.

"Now I want you to choose a partner to perform with." The professor said and the students started talking to others to find a partner.

"You'll be my partner, right?" I heard Noah asking Freckles and I abruptly looked at them in an annoyed way.

"Not you." I heard the professor saying and I looked at her. She was looking at Freckles and Freckles looked at her frowning in confusion. "As the best student of this course, you'll have the honor to perform with Mr. Criss." The professor said.

I grinned brightly when the professor said this for three reasons: First, I was happy to know that Freckles was the best student, she was always good at acting and I knew she liked it, so she deserved that; second, she wasn't going to perform with Noah so I wouldn't feel annoyed; third, I was going to perform with Freckles! I haven't performed anything with her since high school so this was something really good. I really wanted to see how good she was now. Freckles nodded with a slight grin and I noticed that Noah frowned in disgust as he looked away. Screw Noah.

"You and Mr. Criss will be the first to perform, so come over here." The professor said and Freckles nodded again.

Freckles stood up and walked towards me. She was looking down, but when she arrived to where I was, she looked up and smirked amused, something that made me smile in a cheery way.

"Hello, Mr. Criss." She greeted politely because the professor was still around.

"Hello." I greeted also politely, but looking at her amused. When the professor walked away, Freckles stepped closer.

"I guess it'll be like the old times." Freckles said mischievously.

"Like the old times." I assured with a mischievous smirk.

"Attention!" The professor demanded and the class looked at her. "They're gonna be the first to perform and I want you to pay attention to their performance." The professor said pointing us and the class looked at us in silence. "Now, take one of these papers to see what movie scene you have to perform."

"I'll let the lady choose one." I said politely and Freckles smiled.

She took one of the papers and gave it to the professor, so she would read out loud what Freckles and I had to perform. I was eager to know. I only hoped the professor has chosen good movies, otherwise it was going to be hard to make the class be interested in this.

"Alright, guys, you've got the only movie scene that is a musical." The professor said and I frowned. A musical? Oh man, hopefully it wasn't Rhinestone. "Moulin Rouge, Come What May scene."

"Oh!" I exclaimed with eyes wide open in surprise.

This was going to be a little awkward. Freckles was just as stunned as I was; she was surely thinking the same than me. Really? How would the professor pick that scene for a Freshman student? Then, for some reason, I glanced right to where Noah was. He was very serious and he seemed to be very annoyed about this. Could that guy be interested in Freckles? Could that guy want to get in Freckles' pants? I wouldn't allow that. There was no way he could get Freckles, that guy didn't seem to be a nice guy. Well, I was going to take advantage of this song and prove that Noah guy that he was definitely not going to get Freckles.

"Guys, when you want to start." The professor said walking to the benches to observe the performance.

I looked at Freckles and we both walked to the stage. Freckles didn't like so much the idea of performing this with me, I knew it. She seemed to be very nervous, but I could notice she was feeling like she needed to do this to keep being the best student.

"Are you ready?" I whispered looking into her eyes when we were already on the stage. She just nodded, looking down.

I walked to the center of the stage and I focused on playing well the role of Christian. I looked down and I remained silent for a while, as a way to create a mysterious atmosphere. Then I looked up as I started singing.

"Never knew I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before. I want to vanish inside your kiss. Every day I'm loving you more and more." I sang looking at the audience and then I turned my face to look at Freckles. "Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings telling me to give you everything. Seasons may change, winter to spring. But I love you until the end of time." I sang while looking deeply into Freckles' eyes while walking slowly right to where she was.

Once there, I stood behind her and I placed both of my hands on her shoulders as she turned her face to look into my eyes, already in the role of Satine.

"Come what may." I sang as Freckles started turning around to face me, still looking into my eyes. "Come what may." I sang while placing my hands on her waist. "I will love you until my dying day." I sang facing her while looking fixedly into her eyes.

"Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place." Freckles started singing with her marvelous voice that I had to make a big effort to remain in my role and not break it because of the amazement. "Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace." Freckles sang looking deeply into my eyes with a fond smile just as Satine. "Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste." We sang in unison, while I was still placing my hands firmly on her waist. "It all revolves around you." Freckles sang with the same smile.

"And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide, sing out this song I'll be there by your side." We sang in unison again while parting from her but holding her hand, taking her to the center of the stage; both of us looking into our eyes and smiling widely. "Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide." We sang in unison, still holding one of her hands and parted.

"But I love you..." I sang now pulling her close to me and placing my hands on her waist again; looking very deeply into her eyes.

"I love you..." Freckles sang while placing her hands on my shoulders; still looking deeply into each other's eyes. This all seemed to be so real, man.

"Until the end of time." We sang in unison as I rested my forehead on hers. "Oh, come what may, come what may." We sang very loud in unison as I pulled her up and we started going round, still looking into each other's eyes, both of us smiling widely and almost chuckling. Then I put her down and I held both of her hands.

"I will love you." I sang almost in a whisper, moving my face closer to hers, still smiling in a tender way.

"I will love you." Freckles sang with the same fondly smile.

"Until my dying day." We sang in unison as I rested my forehead on hers again, now touching her nose with mine, and very close to her lips; now closing our eyes and still holding hands.

When we finished singing, I leaned and kissed her lips very slightly and tenderly. I knew this wasn't part of the movie scene, but I didn't care, I did it anyway because I felt like doing it. I didn't even know why I felt like doing it, but this song... This song reminded me when we watched this movie together when we were in high school and I couldn't help it. I never sang this with her before and now that we did it, it just felt like I needed to kiss her. I was feeling really weird and I was actually feeling something for Freckles. When I opened my eyes, I found Freckles looking fixedly into my eyes, trying to continue with her role of Satine, but apparently it was a little hard for her because she was astonished for what I did. No one cheered, no one said anything at all, not even the professor. Freckles and I parted and both of us looked away a bit uncomfortable; the first we both saw was the audience. They all seemed to be stunned, including the professor. Maybe this was wrong. Maybe I screwed it at the end.

"Okay..." The professor broke the abysmal silence, apparently feeling uncomfortable.

"That was amazing! I really thought you were Christian and Satine! I love Moulin Rouge and this performance was amazing!" A girl squealed.

"I don't like romantic movies, but this was fantastic." A guy cheered.

"Why cannot I act like that?" A girl said frowning but applauding.

"You won't fool me, you're professional!" A guy exclaimed with an amused smirk.

"Can you do it again?" A girl asked excited and I started giggling. Freckles, next to me, also started giggling, apparently less strained. The professor was just looking at the guys who were commenting, with a satisfied smile.

"You both can sing so well! You should consider forming a band; I'll be your biggest fan." A girl commented and I smiled brightly.

"Can I be your Satine, Mr. Criss?" A girl asked looking at me in a flirty way and I looked at her stunned, raising my eyebrows and babbling as Freckles chuckled softly.

Now everybody seemed to be excited and they were applauding and commenting so many things, everybody at the same time. The professor glanced at us and she nodded with the same satisfied smirk. Well, everybody seemed to have liked it except Noah. He was serious, looking away; but I didn't give a damn shit about it.

"Now, does anybody want to take the chance to compete with them? Is anybody interested in showing you can do a better performance?" The professor asked looking at the class.

Everybody now seemed interested in performing and everybody was raising their hands. They really wanted to participate, so apparently what the professor planned worked out. Freckles and I walked to the benches to sit as another group started performing other movie scene. I noticed Noah glancing at Freckles and then I noticed how he started whispering things in her ear as Freckles was chuckling softly. It made me feel really annoyed again, but I tried to ignore it; at least I showed that Noah guy that he couldn't be with Freckles somehow; and he surely got what I tried to do with that performance. After two hours the class finished. I was about to turn to ask Freckles if she would like to have a coffee together and talk; but the professor stopped me.

"Thank you a lot Mr. Criss. Your performance really helped to make my students be interested in the course." The professor said and I was just smiling at her, seeing how everybody was leaving. "I can't remember the last time I saw them so excited and inspired." The professor kept saying and I saw how Freckles was leaving the classroom with Noah. I really needed to stop her, I needed to go. "This will positively influence your academic performance. Even if I said there wasn't going to be a reward, it'll count." The professor said as Freckles disappeared from the classroom with Noah. I smiled at the professor in a jittery and fretful way.

"Thank you a lot professor." I said with the same uneasy smile, looking at the door. "I'm glad I was useful."

"You were and I'll remember it." The professor said grinning. "The class really enjoyed your performance, so I was thinking that from time to time you could be a special guest in here."

"It'd be an honor." I answered quickly, with a nervous smile. I was so eager.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm and predisposition, Mr. Criss." The professor said politely.

"Thanks." I responded smirking. "Now I really have to go, professor, so if you excuse me..."

"Oh yes, until next class, Mr. Criss. Remember to prepare the monologue for your course."

"Will do." I replied, nodding in an edgy way. "Until next class, professor."

I quickly grabbed my backpack and I left the classroom. I looked round the hallway, but Freckles wasn't there. I left the building and there I saw Freckles walking next to Noah. I didn't care she was with that guy, I just started walking towards her, but someone stopped me. I turned my face and I saw the same girl of the course who looked at me in a flirty way.

"It was really good to have a good-looking guy at this class, Mr. Criss." The girl said with a flirty smirk and I smiled at her in a hurried way to look where Freckles was. I started walking again and this girl started following me. "I think you should come more often."

"Maybe I will." I responded, looking to where Freckles was, while still walking.

"I'm Joyce." The girl said smiling in the same flirty way.

"Nice to meet you, Joyce." I said hurriedly, not looking at her at all. "Excuse me, I have to go." I said and started walking faster towards Freckles.

"Why the hurry? I thought I could maybe show you something special in my room." The girl said seductively and I finally looked at her astonished, raising my eyebrows.

"I don't think so. Excuse me..." I said firmly and started walking faster. But the girl took me by my elbow. I turned to look at her in disbelief and she ran her fingers through my hair. I quickly moved her hand away. "Excuse me? What are you doing?" I asked disgruntled.

"Maybe I wasn't your Satine..." The girl whispered sensually, stepping closer to me and looking at my lips. "But I can be your Lynn Bracken from L. A. Confidential." She whispered and bit her lower lip in a seductively way.

"A hooker?" I asked in disbelief, raising an eyebrow.

"Exactly." She answered in a very sensual way, trying to touch my chest but I quickly moved her hand away.

"I'm sorry, but I prefer girls like Satine. But you'll surely find another guy. Now excuse me, but I have to go, so bye." I said firmly and a bit rudely, turning around to walk towards Freckles again.

"You are surely a damn fucking virgin, loser." The girl said nastily and I turned my face to look at her with a cocky smile.

"I'm certainly not, but I don't give my dick to hookers, so keep on trying." I said in a haughty way, still with the cocky smile.

"Kiss my ass, you motherfucker." The girl said nastily but I remained looking at her with the cocky smirk.

"I'm so sorry, but I'll kiss a better ass. So, have a nice day." I replied and I finally turned around.

When I turned around I couldn't find Freckles anymore. A lot of people were walking through the campus and it was hard to see in the multitude. Damn! Damn shit! If it weren't because of that Joyce girl, surely I'd be with Freckles right now. After a while, I gave up on searching her, so I was really moody. And I wouldn't text her because it wouldn't make any sense since she hasn't been texting me back lately. I started walking to the Blue Apple, where my friends told me they would be.

"Darren!" I heard a yell and I turned around. It was Freckles, walking towards me. Fortunately she was alone now. "What are you still doing here?" She asked again with a yell because we were relatively far. "I forgot my scarf in the classroom; would you want to accompany me?" She asked when we were closer, with a cheerful smile.

"Yeah, sure." I answered with a slight grin.

"Good, come on, let's go." She said before starting to walk to the classroom. "So, best student of your course, eh?" She asked with a bright smile while looking at the way.

"Yeah, I could say the same about you." I replied looking at her smiling as brightly as her.

"Only because most of my classmates don't give a shit about that course. But now, you, sir, have changed it. I still think you have some kind of magical power." Freckles said chuckling softly and I laughed. She didn't seem to be mad at me, but then, why wouldn't she reply my text messages?

"I'll have to correct you. It was thanks to you and me, with that performance. Apparently they liked it." I said looking fixedly at her, eager to know if she was going to comment something about that particular performance.

"Yes, I think they liked it. It was a good performance, you were really in the role of Christian and your voice never stops to amaze me." Freckles said friendly, with a slight smirk.

"What about you? You were flawless as Satine. Your voice, goddammit! I still can't get used at it; you have an astounding voice. I wonder why I haven't heard you singing more often." I said enthusiastically, looking at her while raising my eyebrows and smiling widely; Freckles looked at me amused and giggled.

"Maybe someday we should go to the Blind Pig and sing a duet; that would be cool." Freckles said looking at the way again.

"Listen, now that you mentioned it, I won't forget it and you'll be forced to do it with me sometime." I said looking at her amused.

"Bossy Darren!" She said laughing.

"What about if we do it tonight?" I proposed.

"Oh! I'm sorry, but I can't tonight." Freckles said apologetically and I looked away nodding.

"I thought that Fridays were our days to do things together you, me, Brian and Joey." I commented still looking away. Could she have plans with Noah?

"Yes, I'm so sorry. I'll make up for it." Freckles said again apologetically.

"What kind of plans do you have that you've replaced our sacred Fridays?" I asked trying to sound sassy, trying to make it sound as if I was joking; but I was truly intrigued to know what she was going to do.

"I'll hang out with Brian." Freckles answered and I looked at her suspiciously.

"Well, so? We can hang out altogether, as always." I said, looking fixedly at her.

"No, it's just... Brian still doesn't know, it's like a sort of surprise, I want to take him somewhere but he must not know." Freckles replied and I looked at her frowning. What kind of answer was that? She hasn't even answered my question.

"But what does it have to do with what I asked? I mean, it can still be a surprise for Brian if you want, but we can hang out together." I insisted looking very intently at her while she was still looking the way.

"No, it's something only between Brian and me. It's something private." Freckles answered.

I looked at her in suspicion, raising my eyebrows and now looking away. Maybe Brian and Freckles had something indeed. Otherwise, why would it be private? We always spent time together and the Fridays' plans involved all of us. Why wouldn't she just tell me if she had something with Brian? We arrived to the classroom and Freckles started searching her scarf. I sat on the floor while I was observing how she was searching her scarf, thinking if Brian and she were really fuck buddies. Or what if they were a couple but they didn't want to tell me, so they were hiding it? When Freckles found the scarf, she looked at me and smiled brightly, then walked to me and sat on the floor in front of me.

"Hey, maybe we can do something together on Saturday." Freckles commented when she noticed I was silent.

"I already have plans." I lied in a curtly way.

"Oh, okay, maybe on Sunday." She proposed.

"I also have plans." I lied again.

"Oh! It seems you're very busy lately." Freckles commented with an amused smile.

"Yeah, just as much as you who don't have the time to reply at least a single text message." I commented bitterly, looking away, raising an eyebrow. I looked up and I found Freckles looking at me raising her eyebrows in surprise.

"What text messages are you talking about? You haven't texted me since Sunday." Freckles said now frowning in suspicion.

"We are in the Acting classroom, but there's no need to act, you know?" I said bitterly, looking fixedly at her.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Darren." She said raising an eyebrow.

"Stop pretending, Freckles. I texted you all week long and you haven't texted me back. It's okay if you didn't want, but at least do not lie to me telling me you haven't received anything. At least you could just have replied 'Hey Darren, screw you, stop texting me, sucker'. That was all you needed to do." I said upset.

"I haven't received any text message, Darren. Are you sure you haven't sent those supposed text messages to a wrong number?" She asked frowning.

"Oh, I can't believe you're doing that." I said annoyed, shaking my head and looking away. "Give me your phone."

"What?" She asked in disbelief, frowning. I didn't answer; I just remained looking at her fixedly. "What? Do you want to check my text messages? You don't believe me?"

"No, I don't believe you; so yeah, I want to check your text messages." I answered firmly.

"You're so stupid, Darren." She said angry, but she pulled out her phone and handed it to me. "Take it and check all you want. Then you'll see I haven't received anything at all." She said still angry and I grabbed her phone. "And go to hell, Darren. You're so obstinate."

I ignored her comment and I started checking her phone. I went directly to her inbox. She had text messages from Brian, Noah, Meredith, Joey, Mandy and her mother. She also had text messages from me, but the last text messages she had from me were the ones I sent to her that Sunday before our meeting. Maybe she just deleted the last text messages I sent. I gave her phone back and I looked away.

"So?" Freckles asked provocatively.

"You just deleted all the text messages I sent you." I replied looking away.

"Fuck you, Darren." She exclaimed annoyed and she stood up. "Before accusing I'm lying and shit like that, you should check your own phone to see if you've sent those text messages to me or another person. Bye, Darren." Freckles said coldly.

I heard her steps leaving the classroom, then the sound of the door opening and finally the sound of the door closing. I didn't even care about it. How could she lie that way? I wasn't a fool. Anyway, I grabbed my phone and I checked the outbox. Yes, I've sent those text messages to Freckles, her name was there. But then I noticed that the first text message in the message history was the one I sent her on Monday; the texts I sent her before that day weren't there. I kept checking the outbox and I found an unknown number; I opened it to see the message history and there were the other texts I sent to Freckles before Monday. What the hell was this? Maybe I accidentally modified her phone number so that's why Freckles hasn't received the text messages, just as she said. She was probably telling me the truth, dammit. So I texted to the unknown number, assuming it was Freckles' number.

To unknown number: Hey, Freckles... I think I accidentally modified your phone number, so that's why you haven't received my text messages. Text me back if you get this.

I didn't have to wait so much till my phone buzzed. It was a text message from the unknown number.

From unknown number: Oh, look who is texting me! Do you believe me now? Screw you, Darren.

Oh fuck. She was mad at me now, and maybe she had reasons. But how would I know that I had wrong her phone number? I quickly modified again her phone number, so everything was normal now. This was weird. How would I modify her phone number? Maybe I was half-asleep when I did it.

To Freckles: I'm sorry, Freckles. I have no idea how this could have happened. Can we meet so we can talk?

From Freckles: No. Have a nice day, Darren.

To Freckles: C'mon! Don't be like this! It was just a mistake, and I already said I'm sorry.

From Freckles: I'm sorry, Darren, but right now I'm mad at you. So the answer is still no.

To Freckles: But think about this... Wouldn't it be better if we meet so you can kick my ass or punch my face to let out all that anger you feel instead keeping it inside you?

From Freckles: Fuller Park in 15. Prepare your ass, Criss.

I read her response and I chuckled softly. I knew that a message like the last one I sent was going to make change her mind. I stood up and I started walking to the Fuller Park, fortunately it wasn't so far. I arrived in 10 and I started looking around to see if Freckles was already here. There weren't so many people because it was cloudy and surely everyone was thinking it was going to rain any soon. I started walking along the Huron River until I found Freckles sitting on the grass, leaning her back against a tree, just looking at the river with a book in her hands. I walked towards her and she didn't notice.

"Are you still thinking about kicking my ass?" I asked jokingly, walking towards her with my hands in my jeans pockets. Freckles finally looked at me.

"You better placed cushions in your ass, so you won't suffer so much." Freckles answered serious, but I could notice an amused smirk before she looked at the river again.

"I'm sorry, Freckles." I said while sitting on the grass next to her. "I was just upset because I've been texting you like crazy and you haven't texted me back. I thought you didn't want to talk to me or something."

"Whatever; just forget it, Darren. Maybe I've overreacted so don't worry." Freckles said shrugging looking at the river, still with the book in her hands.

"Alright." I answered with a slight smile and I leaned my back against the tree as well to look at the river. "But… May I ask you why you haven't texted me anyway?"

"I don't know, I thought that maybe you were busy and I didn't want to cause any kind of trouble by texting you." Freckles replied shrugging and I frowned.

"Why would you think that texting me would cause any kind of trouble?" I asked confused.

"Ah! I don't know, Darren! Maybe Kelly wouldn't like it." Freckles replied with a sigh and I frowned even more confused.

"Kelly? What does Kelly have to do with this?" I asked and Freckles looked at me.

"Well, maybe because she's a jealous person?" Freckles answered shrugging.

"And what if she's a jealous person? I just don't get it. I don't get why Kelly would be a problem, I don't even know why you mentioned her." I said frowning still very confused.

"Umm, because you guys have something." Freckles replied quiet and I looked at her frowning, aghast.

"We don't have anything. Why would you assume that?" I asked now a bit suspiciously.

"Because I saw you. It was an accident, but I saw you." Freckles answered looking away.

"You saw us? What are you talking about, Freckles?" I asked now really confused and completely suspicious. What could she be thinking?

"That I saw you in that shop, kissing. So you're dating Kelly and she seems to be a jealous person, so I didn't text you because I didn't want any kind of trouble." Freckles finally explained still looking away.

I looked at her with eyes wide open because of the surprise and astonishment, absolutely aghast. Oh fuck, no! No! She saw us kissing? No, I couldn't be less lucky. Could that be the reason she left the shop without greeting me? What would she think? What would she feel right now? Damn, no.

"Oh, no! Oh no, no, no!" I exclaimed still astonished.

"What?" Freckles asked quiet, finally looking at me, frowning slightly.

"No, Freckles, no. No, don't misinterpret it." I said quickly, still aghast. Man, Freckles had to know that the kiss wasn't something I wanted to do. Freckles was still looking at me frowning slightly. "Kelly and I aren't dating. Not at all."

"Darren... It's okay if you're dating a girl; it's good." Freckles said softly with a faint grin.

"No!" I almost screamed because of the exasperation and astonishment. "No, I'm not dating Kelly. That kiss was a mistake. She kissed me but then we talked and I explained her that..."

"Darren, you don't have to explain me anything. It's none of my business, really. If you're happy, then it's really good. Even if I don't like Kelly because of personal reasons, if you're dating her is because she makes you happy and that's good." Freckles interrupted me with the same faint smile. No, she wasn't getting this. No, Freckles couldn't think I was dating Kelly. No, not Freckles.

"I'm not dating her!" I exclaimed really exasperated, looking desperately at her with eyes wide open. "We used to... Kind of... Last year. But this year it's different, we're just friends. I'm not dating her. I'm not dating anyone." I assured while looking fixedly into her eyes.

"Okay..." Freckles said softly almost in a whisper, and then looked at the river again.

"Please believe me." I begged exasperatedly. Man, she had to believe me.

"Why are you so exasperated?" Freckles asked frowning, looking at me again.

I didn't even know why I was so exasperated; I just didn't want her to think I had something with Kelly. I didn't know why I was so insistent about this with her, unlike with other people. I just couldn't deal with Freckles thinking I was dating someone. Maybe Joey was right, maybe Chuck was right… What if I was still feeling something for Freckles? Why would I feel jealous when I saw her with Noah? Why would I feel so interested in knowing if she and Brian were fuck buddies or something? Why would I feel like kissing her for real when we were singing 'Come What May'? No way. No, I was just confused. I didn't feel anything for Freckles; I just cared about her because she was my friend. I wasn't feeling jealous of Noah, I just didn't like that guy because he had something weird and I didn't want him to hurt Freckles, because I cared about Freckles, because she was my friend. And if I was interested in knowing if Freckles and Brian had something, was only because I knew both of them and it was only curiosity. And the kiss while singing 'Come What May'… Surely I was so into the role of Christian. No, Freckles was a friend.

"I'm sorry; it's just that I don't want you to think I'm dating someone, because it's not like that." I answered softly and less exasperated now, looking away.

"Okay, fine. I believe you. But I don't get why you want exasperatedly me to believe you." Freckles insisted looking fixedly at me, frowning.

"Because... Just because. I don't want to cause any confusion. I'm single." I answered a bit uncomfortable.

"Okay." Freckles answered in a whisper, nodding and looking at the river.

"What about you?" I asked suspiciously and very intrigued, looking fixedly at her.

"I'm single too." Freckles answered in a quiet way, still looking at the river.

"Are you?" I asked suspiciously and she just nodded. "Don't you have any kind of relationship with anybody?"

"No." She answered and then she looked at me. "So, what about you? Have you found someone?" She asked with a slight smile.

"Oh yeah, actually yes." I replied with an amused smile and she raised her eyebrows in surprise, still with the slight smile, she was intrigued and this was time to joke for me. "I'm in love with my bed. We're perfect for each other, but my alarm clock doesn't want us together. That jealous whore!" I exclaimed pretending to be irritated and Freckles burst out laughing.

"You know? Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons. They forgot to mention Morons." Freckles said jokingly, still laughing amused.

"I don't care what you think of me. Unless you think I am awesome. In which case, you are right." I said with a cocky smile, in a playful way, really amused.

"Okay, if you have a problem with me, please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up your ass." Freckles said firmly while raising an eyebrow, still jokingly; as I laughed out loud. That was a good one.

"That was fun." I admitted, still chuckling while Freckles was smirking amused. Then I looked at her again and I decided to be insistent. "And what about you? Have you found love?"

"Now, you see, that's the right question!" Freckles exclaimed. "And the answer is yes." She said smiling and I looked at her really curious. "I have a quite interesting love story. I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith and now I'm marrying my dreams." Freckles answered with a warm smile, looking at the river, holding the book in her hands. I smiled friendly at her.

"I kind of like your love story." I said and she turned her face to look at me and smile amiably. "What's that you have in your hands?"

"Oh!" Freckles exclaimed looking at her book and she grinned and looked at me again. "It's a book I've been reading."

"You really enjoy reading, don't you?" I asked curiously.

"Yes, I really do." Freckles answered while smiling widely, looking at the book in her hands.

"Why? Why do you like reading so much?" I asked intrigued, looking deeply into her eyes.

"Oh, because I think books are friends that will never disappoint you. There are certain emotions in your body that not even your best friend can sympathize with, but you'll find the right film or the right book, and it'll understand you. Books are like mirrors: you only see in them what you already carry in within. Every book, every volume you see, has a soul; the soul of who wrote it and the soul of those who read it and lived and dreamed with it; and good books enhance the character, purify the taste, awake the repugnance to the gross pleasures and rise us to a higher hope of thought and action." Freckles started explaining and I was listening to her very intently. She was starting to feel in that passionate way I loved; I loved when she talked like this; I always could learn so much about other things thanks to her. "My reader behavior, both in my adolescence as now, is deeply humble. That is, perhaps it could sound naive and silly, but when I open a book I open it as I can open a packet of chocolate, or enter the cinema; that is, is a sense of hope, of anticipated happiness that everything is gonna be beautiful." Freckles explained with bright eyes and a wide smile, she had a dreamy facial expression that it was so cute. I just remained listening to her, with a tender smile because I really liked the way she was talking. "And, like any other reader, or writer, I seek myself. I'm seeking to find myself in pages, ideas, thoughts; recognize that we're something more than that which is presented as reality; that is still the greatest glare." Freckles exclaimed with eyes so bright that I could see a twinkle in them, something that lightened up her face with joy. She really loved explaining things she liked. "You know? When I was feeling depressed, big part of my salvation was reading, reading good books, take refuge in those worlds where life was exhilarating, intense, one adventure after another, where I could feel free and be happy again. So I think the purpose of books is to inspire and help human beings to understand and decipher their own heart; because the book, after all, is an extension of the memory and imagination. I just cannot imagine a world without books." Freckles said with a bright and warm smile, finally looking at me. I smiled back, in a friendly way.

"That was a beautiful explanation. And how's that thing that books were a big part of your salvation? Is there any particular book or text that was like your biggest support or something?" I asked curiously.

"Yes. Two particular texts were the ones that never failed to make me smile and feel good again. Whenever I was sad, I only had to read them. One of them is a poem by Shakespeare called 'We learn' and the other one is a fragment of a book that Brian has written, called 'Defend the joy'. I love them." Freckles answered with a cheery smile and I looked at her amazed.

"Has Brian written a book?" I asked really amazed, raising my eyebrows in surprise.

"Oh yes, he has written two books already. After all, he's studying English Language and Literature, he loves writing." Freckles answered and I nodded, still feeling amazed.

"But I mean… He's only 20 and he already has two books? Man, Brian is like super smart!" I exclaimed astonished as Freckles chuckled. "Has he published them?"

"First off, yes, he's super smart and he's very talented when it comes to writing. Then, no. He hasn't published them, because he thinks they're not good enough and he isn't convinced about something. He only has the draft copies of them. No matter how hard I try to convince him to publish them, he still thinks it's not a good idea because it's too expensive and he wouldn't like to be a fiasco for the world of literature and writers. Those were his words." Freckles answered shrugging and shaking her head.

"That's silly, but I cannot say anything at all because I don't know how he writes. But, do you have that fragment of the book that Brian has written? I'd like to read it or to hear it. Now I'm curious." I said looking at Freckles.

"Well, casually, I have it. Actually, I always bring it with me; both the poem by Shakespeare and the fragment of Brian's book. Would you want me to read it now?" Freckles asked with a soft grin.

"Yeah! Yes, I'd like to hear both texts." I replied in an eager way.

"That's good!" Freckles exclaimed cheerfully.

She pulled out a certain book I've already seen before. It was her journal. Damn, I felt a bit nervous and uncomfortable when she pulled out her journal because I remembered how I saw it with no permission. Freckles opened it and went to the last pages.

"Okay, I'll first read the poem by Shakespeare." Freckles said.

"Good! I'll listen." I replied with a joyful smile, looking at her fixedly and willing to pay attention.

"After some time you learn the difference, the subtle difference between giving a hand and fettering a soul; and you learn that to love doesn't mean to support yourself, and that company doesn't always mean security. And you learn that kisses are not contracts and that gifts are not promises. And you start to accept your loss with your head up and eyes straight ahead, with the grace of a grown-up, not the sadness of a child. You learn to build the roads of today, because tomorrow's land is too unknown to make plans and the future usually falls from nowhere." Freckles started reading with her soft and sweet voice. I thought I could listen to her voice reading for hours and never get tired of it. "After a while you learn that the sun burns if you expose yourself to it for very long. And you learn that it doesn't matter how much you care, some people just don't. And you accept that it doesn't matter how good someone can be, they will hurt you once in a while and you have to forgive them for that. And you learn that talking can be a relief to emotional pain. You learn that it takes years to build trust and just seconds to destroy it, and you can do things in a second that you will regret for the rest of your life." Freckles said focused on the text but then she paused and looked at me.

I knew exactly why she looked at me, because maybe we were thinking the same; I could relate the text to our love story. I was thinking about all the times she hurt me and all the times I hurt her, but we forgave each other in the end. I thought about how our talk about what happened in the past and the very honest talk we had before being friends helped a lot to relieve the emotional pain. I thought about how we used to trust each other so much and how a damn night in a hotel room destroyed it in a matter of seconds. I thought about how that moment ruined my life somehow and how much I regretted and will regret it. Then Freckles returned her gaze to the book and kept reading.

"You learn that friendship continues to grow even with the distance and what matters is not what you have in life, but who you are in life. And you learn that you don't have to change friends if you understand that friends change, and you realize that you and your friend can do nothing or everything and still have good times together. And you learn that the people you care the most are taken away from you too fast, that is why we should always say caring things to those we love, because it might be the last time we see them." Freckles read almost in a whisper, she seemed to be very deep in thought. I thought about Jen; how she was my best friend and even if we were away from each other and even if we both changed, we still had good times together and we still loved each other. Then I thought about Freckles, how much I loved her and how much I cared about her, and then she was taken away from me too fast. "And you learn that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, but to the best you can become. You learn that it takes a long time for you to become the person you want to be, and that life is too short. And you learn that it doesn't matter where you've already gotten to, but where you are going, and if you don't know where you're going, anywhere will do. You learn that either you control your acts or they will control you, and that being flexible doesn't mean you are being weak, or that you don't have a personality, for no matter how delicate and fragile a situation is, there are always two sides of it. And you learn that heroes are those who did only what was necessary." Freckles read and I smiled slightly, with my gaze lost, I was reflecting on the text and how true it was; comparing it to my fears, my dreams, my experiences and my life itself. It was amazing. "You learn that patience requires a lot of practice. You find out that sometimes the person you expect to kick you when you fall, is one of the few who will help you up. You learn that maturity is about what kind of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, not how many birthdays you have already celebrated. You learn that there are more of your parents in you than you suppose. You learn that you should never tell a child that dreams are foolishness; few things are so humiliating that it would be a tragedy if they believed that. You learn that when you are angry you have the right to be angry, but that does not give you the right to be cruel."

Freckles paused again a little, frowning slightly. She was surely thinking about the part that said that there are more of our parents in us than we suppose. I knew it because she didn't seem to be so pleased; and I thought about her father. No, she wasn't like her father. I thought about Karen; how I always thought she was a really good friend and she was going to help me up if I ever fall; but she ended up being one of the people that kicked me while falling. Freckles was surely thinking about Brian, how she thought he could be one of the people who was going to kick her while falling, but he was one of the few who helped her up. Whoa, this poem was like amazing; and I always thought that poems were cheesy and ridiculous and boring. But this one had much truth in it.

"You learn that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want to be loved, it doesn't mean that the person doesn't know how to love, and s/he loves you as much as s/he can, because there are people who love you, but simply don't know how to show it. You learn that being forgiven is never enough, sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. You learn that with the same harshness that you judge, you someday, will be condemned. You learn that no matter how many pieces your heart was broken into, the world doesn't stop so you can fix it. You learn that you cannot go back in time, so you have to take care of your garden and not wait for someone to bring you flowers." Freckles read with cracked voice and then she paused again and looked at me.

Over again, I knew why she looked at me. This part of the text was surely the one that helped her most to move on. Both she and I have been there. We both learned that it wasn't enough to be forgiven and we needed to forgive ourselves for what happened. We both, while we started dating for the first time, got to learn that just because someone doesn't love us the way we want doesn't mean that the person doesn't love us. We both learned that it doesn't matter in how many pieces our heart was broken; the world always keeps going and won't stop for us to fix it. We both learned, for sure, that we cannot go back in time. I looked at her deeply into her eyes and I moved closer to her to place a hand on her thigh. She smiled faintly and returned her gaze to the book.

"And you learn you can really endure it, that you're really strong and that you can go farther than you think, and that life has a value and you have a value before life. And you learn that our doubts are disloyal and that makes us lose what we could achieve, if it weren't for the fear of trying." Freckles finished reading with a warm smile and she sighed before looking at me.

"That was truly beautiful. I really liked it; it was so true." I admitted in all honesty. "And that's much saying because I don't like poems." I said with a short chuckle as Freckles giggled softly.

"I'm glad you liked it. You see, not all the poems are cheesy and romantic. There are a lot of poems that describe things about life and make us see and maybe understand a lot of things about life. They make us feel identified. It's great." Freckles commented and I nodded.

"I completely agree and now I can see that. And... What about the fragment of Brian's book? Do you have it there?" I asked curiously and Freckles nodded, going through the pages.

"Here it is. It's really good; maybe you'll like it and help me convince him to publish this book." Freckles commented.

"Okay, you have my word that if I like it I'll help you convince him." I said firmly and Freckles smiled at me before looking at her journal.

"Defend the joy as a trench; defend it from the scandal and routine, from the misery and miserable, from the temporary absences and definitive absences. Defend the joy as a principle; defend it from the fear and nightmares, from the neutrals and neutrons, from the sweet infamies and serious diagnoses." Freckles started reading really slowly and clearly as I was listening to it very intently. Well, this was certainly harder to understand than the first one and it was metaphoric at some point. "Defend the joy as a flag; defend it from beam and melancholy, from the naive and scoundrels, from the rhetoric and cardiac arrests, from the endemic diseases and academies. Defend the joy as a destination; defend it from the fire and firefighters, from the suicidal and homicidal, from the vacation and the burden, from the obligation to be cheerful." Freckles kept reading slowly and clearly, surely because she knew I had to listen to it very carefully to understand. What a vocabulary, man! "Defend the joy as a certainty; defend it from rust and scab, from the famous patina of time, from the dew and opportunism, from the pimps of laughter. Defend the joy as a right; defend it from spring and winter, from the capitalization and death, from the surnames and pity, from the chance; and also from the joy."

When Freckles finished reading I was just staring at her. I swear I tried to understand everything Brian wrote, but it was kinda hard. Maybe I understood the message, but the vocabulary he used and the comparisons he made were kinda weird and maybe a bit too intellectual for someone who wasn't so into books and reading. I wouldn't deny the fact it was good, because it was indeed; it was a really nice text, but it wasn't as easy to understand as the first one. Maybe I should read it few times until I could get the real significance of it and why it helped Freckles so much.

"It was, well..." I babbled like a fool because I didn't know what to say.

"Don't worries, almost no one gets it the first time they read it. I had to read it like five times and be focused only on this till I got it. The prose is a bit complicated and he uses the metaphor as a resource to explain a simple thing that is joy and all the things, experiences and factors that make us underrate it; when truly the fundament of joy is in us all the time. Brian likes writing in a way that the reader has to think and interpret his text to get the message; because he doesn't want to give an absolute statement, he wants the readers to formulate their own statement and accept it as their own. That's like his brand." Freckles explained and I nodded.

"Yes, I was feeling like a fool when I couldn't get it." I admitted.

"So, I guess I won't get your help to convince him to publish this." Freckles said chuckling softly.

"Oh no, I'll help you because I liked what you said about Brian and what he wants to do with his writing." I said quickly and Freckles smiled softly. "What about you? Do you like writing?"

"Yes, yes I think I like writing. The one who reads a lot will try someday write." Freckles answered with a grin, looking at the river a bit thoughtful.

"Why?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, I've never been asked that." Freckles replied while frowning slightly, very thoughtful. "I guess I love writing at least to perpetuate something transient. I like writing to define me, as an act of self-creation, in a dialogue with myself." Freckles started explaining as I was looking at her fixedly into her eyes, very curious by her answer. She was deep in thought and I liked her facial expression when she was like this. "The writer writes a book to explain to oneself what cannot be explained; to understand things that cannot be understood in another way. I don't write to please or to displease. I write for disquiet. There is a time when all barriers are crumbling, all conflicts are away, and one comes up with things that hadn't dreamed of, and then there's nothing better in life than writing." She explained and then looked at me with a soft smile.

"I get it." I said smiling friendly. "So, have you ever written something by yourself?"

"Yes, I have." Freckles assured.

"Could I get to hear some of the things you wrote?" I was bold to ask.

"I don't know. I'm not a good writer and I just write things for myself. I... I feel ashamed of reading someone the things I write. I only showed them to Brian." Freckles answered looking down, blushing slightly.

I frowned and bit my lower lip when I heard that she only showed them to Brian but apparently she didn't want to show them to me. Obviously Brian, for her, was way more important than me now and she trusted more him than me. I was still thinking they had something, even if she said she was single and she didn't have anything with anybody.

"Hey, but it's me. I won't judge you. I can't even write a card, so you shouldn't feel ashamed. Come on, Freckles, after all we already shared." I insisted and Freckles bit her lower lip, still looking down as she started playing with her fingers. "Hey, don't be nervous." I said holding her hands, to stop her from playing with her fingers because of her nervousness. She chuckled nervously. "Alright, I don't wanna make you feel uncomfortable; so you don't have to read me what you wrote if you don't want. But know that I'd really like to hear or read it sometime."

"It's not that I don't want... It's that what I wrote is something like... It's not like the texts I recently read; my texts are more like... cheesy, maybe." Freckles said still looking away.

"I don't mind if they're cheesy. I'd just like to hear what you wrote, I'm interested in it." I said looking into her eyes that were still looking away. "Please? At least one or two."

"Fine." She said sighing and I grinned brightly. "Only one."

"That's enough for me. Thank you, Freckles." I said smiling warmly as she started looking for her texts in her journal.

"Okay, don't laugh at me, I wrote this long time ago." Freckles said when she apparently found one.

"Of course I won't." I assured and she took a deep breath before starting reading.

"I have fear to see you, necessity to see you, expectation to see you, uneasiness to see you. I have desire of finding you, concern of finding you, certainty of finding you, little doubts of finding you. I have urgency to hear you, joy to hear you, good luck to hear you, and fear to hear you. So, in short, I'm screwed and radiant. Perhaps more the first than the second, and vice versa." Freckles started reading clearly, still a bit shy. I tried not to make her uncomfortable, so I was just smiling slightly while she was reading. Oh! I totally could relate those opposed feelings to how I felt when Freckles and I were apart! "Nevertheless, I have something very clear: After the joy comes loneliness; after the fullness comes loneliness; after love comes loneliness. I know that's a poor deformation; but the fact is that in this durable minute, you feel alone in the world. So tears begin to fall down my face, transforming into mourn. It's the mourning that comes when one feels opaquely miserable. When someone feels brightly miserable, then it's worth it to mourn with accompanying tremors, convulsions, and, above all, public. But when, in addition to miserable, you feel opaque, when there is no room for rebellion, sacrifice or heroism; then we must mourn silently, because no one can help and because one is aware that it happens; and eventually takes up the balance, the normality." Freckles read very slowly and almost in a whisper as I was looking at her very intensely, a bit sadly. Why would she write something like that? Could she have written it while thinking about me? "You learn and use what you learn to slowly become wise, to know that at last the world is this: at its best, a nostalgia; at its worst, a helplessness; and always, always a mess. But that what you really want, is what is done to one; then you should take it, or try: In that, your life can pass by, but it's a much better life. It can be or can be not, no matter the day. You have in your hands the color of your day: Routine or outbreak." Freckles finished reading with a slight smile as I remained looking at her intensely. She didn't dare to look at me; surely she was still feeling ashamed.

"Well, as I see it, at first what you wrote explains confusion and what we, human beings, feel when several things are happening; things that made us feel those opposed feelings. But then you turn it into a gloom thing; like a feeling of helplessness. It was kinda sad. But then, then you finished it in a very good way; leaving like a message of hope; like we are what we want and only we are the ones who can decide how we can be; it's only up to us. I liked it, Freckles." I admitted in all honesty, looking fixedly at her while she was looking down. "I could never write something… I mean, I'm aware of my feelings but I'd never be able to write them down; because I never thought about them in a critical and reflective way. So, I'm telling you that what you wrote is really good."

"Thanks…" Freckles said in a whisper with a faint smile, still looking down. "It's very simple written and it doesn't have a really deep message; but, as I said, it's because I write for myself, to understand things that I cannot understand. Maybe this is why I feel ashamed, because somehow this is something private like a dialogue with myself." Freckles said shyly, shrugging and I placed my hand on her shoulder.

"Then I'm glad you shared it with me. I feel somehow honored." I said grinning kindly when she finally looked at me. "And you shouldn't feel ashamed of it. This is another way of talking about feelings. We've talked several times about how we feel and every time we did it, it had a positive consequence. This is the same in a different way. That's it."

"Yes, maybe you're right." Freckles said smiling and a bit thoughtful. "I never thought about it that way. But you're right… Maybe this is another way to express my feelings, to talk to someone when I cannot talk."

"Yes, and it's a valid way of talking. It's not common, but it's valid and it's great. Sometimes you just gotta find your own way to talk to someone and sometimes talking to someone doesn't involve speaking. You know it more than anyone; how many times have we talked without speaking? We've done it through our eyes or simple gestures; also through songs… and now through texts, poems or letters. They are all valid ways of talking to someone." I commented with a soft smile while Freckles was looking into my eyes with a warm smirk.

"I always loved the way you could always understand me and what was going on in my mind, even in those times when I couldn't even understand myself." Freckles said with the same warm smirk and this comment made me smile brightly.

"You also always had that effect on me." I admitted smiling kindly at her. I knew that was one of the reasons why I always thought that Freckles and I had a special irreplaceable connection. "Now, would you read me another of the texts you've written? I'd like that."

"Alright, I guess I could do it." Freckles answered now simpering.

This was very different than the way she was when she was searching the first text to read. Now she was looking another one, going through the pages of her journal. While she was doing it I was looking her smiley face, but then my gaze focused on her journal. And she stopped for a little in one page I saw before. It was the page that was like the cover of a new chapter; that chapter that had my picture and my name written next to it. I felt kinda nervous when I saw it but anyway I tried to keep seeing what was inside. Since that time I saw and read some of the pages of her journal, I always wanted to keep reading it to see what she could've written about me. I couldn't see much because apparently she didn't want me to see it, so she was kind of hiding it while searching a text. This only made me feel even more intrigued to know what was written in it. She finally stopped in one page where I could notice a totally amazing drawing of my face. That drawing was outstanding; it literally seemed to be a picture. But Freckles quickly covered the drawing with the palm of her hand.

"Well, here I have another text." Freckles said, still covering the drawing.

"Okay, I'm listening." I said trying to pretend that I didn't notice that she had a drawing of me there.

I knew that most probably the text was directed to me; otherwise, why would be there a drawing of my face? I was super intrigued and eager to hear that text. Could that text be a sad one? Hopefully it wasn't. Damn, I was so eager. Freckles cleared her throat and started reading.

"Forgetfulness is so full of memories that sometimes there don't fit the memories and we have to throw grudges overboard. Basically, forgetting is a huge simulation. No one knows or can, even if wants, forget. It's a huge simulation full of ghosts. The day or the night in which forgetfulness explodes, jumps into pieces or crackles, atrocious memories and wonderful memories will shatter the bars of fire and finally drag the truth about the world. And that truth is that there is no forgetting." Freckles read clearly and slowly.

I was looking deeply into her eyes, frowning slightly. I was looking at her, but I had my gaze lost because I was very thoughtful; because what she read left me thinking and made me think about my current situation. It was as if she knew how I was feeling and she read it on purpose; no, she didn't know, but it was such the coincidence that it left me puzzled. Maybe what she wrote was true; actually I knew it was true, but I refused to believe it. I looked down, I frowned, I bit my lower lip and I felt kind of frustrated and concerned. I remembered the talks I had with Chuck and Joey. I told them that I liked Freckles, but I wasn't in love with her; yet my feelings were confusing; I told them that I forgot her in terms to what we had and the love I always felt for her. What if not? What if there wasn't such forgetfulness? What if I was never going to forget the love I always felt for her? What if I was still feeling it but I was trying to convince myself that it wasn't like that, that she was only a friend? No, no, no. I didn't want to admit that forgetfulness didn't exist; otherwise I was screwed.

"Are you okay, Darren?" Freckles suddenly asked and I looked up at her. The first thing I saw were her big beautiful eyes looking deeply into my eyes. I gulped nervously. Shit, I needed to stop with this.

"Yes, I'm fine." I lied, looking down again.

"Are you sure?" Freckles asked insistently.

"Yes." I lied again while nodding; still looking down because I couldn't look into her eyes when lying.

"Fine, I believe you." Freckles commented. "Dare, I'm so sorry, but it's late and I should come back because I need to get ready for tonight and I have to let Brian know to get ready." Freckles said putting the journal on her bag and standing up.

"Brian?" I asked flurried, looking up at her and frowning. So she was indeed going on a date with Brian. Damn, damn, damn.

"Yes, remember that I told you?" Freckles asked frowning slightly as I stood up, placing my hands in the pockets of my jeans.

"Oh yeah, right." I answered curtly, looking down.

"Good. Well, I really had a good time today. Maybe we could add these Friday afternoons to our list of things to do together; these kinds of debates. I like it." Freckles said with a bright smile.

"Yeah, I like it too." I said with a slight grin, still looking down.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around. Let me know if you cancel some of your weekend plans, so maybe we could plan something else to do together." Freckles said with a friendly smile and I just nodded. "See you, Dare." She said and gave me a buss on the cheek before turning around to leave.

I remained there feeling like a mess. That text that Freckles wrote really affected me. What if there was no forgetfulness and I was still in love with her somehow while she was probably dating Brian? No, I just needed to keep that idea out of my mind; I desperately needed to meet someone new. Maybe I wasn't in love with Freckles; maybe I just needed a girl and Freckles was the closest so it was making me feel confused; maybe I should just find a right girl for me for once and all; just as Freckles found Brian.

---

You returned to your room, decided to take Brian out this night, as a way to return all he's been doing for you lately. You were decided to take him out for dinner and for shopping, you wanted to buy him new clothes; and maybe later you could go to a night club and drink some beers and play pool. When you entered the room, you found Brian on his desk, writing something in your laptop that was now his laptop since the person who broke into the room destroyed his own; and he needed one for college to do all of his assignments. He didn't notice you arrived because he was extremely concentrated on whatever he was doing. You slowly walked to him, trying not to make any noise. You stood behind him and you placed your hands on his broad shoulders to start massaging them. Brian startled and jumped, looking abruptly behind him to look at you.

"Sunny, goddammit! You scared the crap out of me! I didn't know you were already here." He exclaimed still with a frightened face as you laughed softly.

"I'm sorry." You apologized kissing lightly his cheek.

You noticed he was wearing his nerd glasses and his hair was disheveled, surely because he has been running his fingers through his hair. When you looked around, there was a cup of cold coffee and a packet of chocolate chips cookies. He was surely doing a hard assignment for a course. Brian returned his gaze to the laptop as you kept massaging his broad shoulders.

"So, is the intellectual guy doing a sort of assignment?" You asked curiously, trying to look what he was doing while still massaging his shoulders. "By the way, you look particularly sexy and smart with your glasses."

"Thanks, now you can stop lying." Brian replied with an amused short giggle. "Yeah, I have to write a short-length article for a magazine."

"Oh, that seems interesting. What about?" You asked intrigued.

"Umm, as information, they only gave us the age range and gender of people who will read the article; it's mostly for female teenagers. And they also gave us the title of the article; it's called 'How to say I Love You in an unconventional way'. Ah! I've been working on this all afternoon and I've only written six tips." Brian replied sighing and frowning, looking at the screen of the laptop.

"Well, that seems an interesting topic. And how many tips do you have to write?" You asked while massaging his shoulders, trying to make him feel less stressed.

"Seven." Brian answered.

"Seven? So you're almost done, Brian! I don't know why you're so stressed about this." You exclaimed while sniggering softly because he always tended to overreact when it came to things for college; because he was never satisfied and he needed to do his best, always.

"Well, because what I wrote it's lame. I'm really not contented about what I wrote. It sucks." Brian replied a bit annoyed, running his fingers through his hair and messing it even more.

"I'm sure it doesn't. But if you think so, maybe you could read it to me and I could give you my opinion and help you out to finish it." You proposed and Brian turned his face to look at you.

"No, I don't wanna bother you with this. But thanks, though." Brian said grinning kindly before looking at the laptop again, frowning slightly.

"Come on! You know I love when you read me the things you write and I love giving you my opinion." You said resting your chin on his shoulder.

"Are you sure? I really don't wanna bother you, but I might need an opinion." Brian said looking at you a bit concerned of being a bother.

"I'm sure." You said smiling friendly at him. Then you grabbed a chair and moved it next to Brian to sit. "Come on, read what you've already written."

"Okay... 'How to say I Love You in an unconventional way'." Brian started reading and you started listening to him very intently. "As we all know, few things have grown more worn down and shoddy with overuse than the words I love you. The term has lost some meaning. So, though they may be a bit cumbersome, I propose a few new terms that more succinctly get to the heart of the matter. This is true love." Brian started reading the introduction and you listened very curious to know what his approach to the subject was. "1) If you are 99 percent sure you've discovered the classmate who is cheating in all the exams, and have further deduced that it's the same one who has been bad-mouthing you to your teacher, I'll let you talk about this. I'll listen to your deductions Sherlock Holmes style for at least 20 minutes, despite the fact that literally none of this story is engaging to an outsider. I'll help you plan ways to catch him cheating, and simultaneously use this information against him with the teacher. We will be a team." Brian read and you looked at him amused, raising your eyebrows. You liked the way he was approaching the topic of the article.

"Hey, this completely reminds me of something!" You exclaimed amused and Brian looked at you surprised, raising his eyebrows. "Yes! I remember the time I told you that there was a really nasty classmate who was cheating the exams and thanks to him we always got suspended; the same guy who was telling the teacher I was the one cheating and copying all the homework. Then you and I planned something to catch him cheating in the exam, a plan that never worked but it was fun, though. I remember it! It's very similar to what you wrote." You commented still with an amused smirk.

"Really? Oh well, what a coincidence!" Brian exclaimed in an exaggerated surprised way and you chortled.

"Yes! Maybe you had it implicit in your mind and somehow you thought it was a good thing to write. Who knows? Mind sometimes acts in weird ways." You said shrugging, still diverted.

"Yeah, maybe." Brian said nodding, looking at the laptop again, frowning slightly.

"Okay, sorry I've interrupted you. You can continue." You said grinning and Brian nodded.

"2) No matter how incredibly lackluster your mother's cooking is, and despite the fact that you'll never fully understand this, as you've grown up eating Shake-N-Bake and lettuce with literally just oil and white vinegar on it, I will always be game to go eat at your parent's house. I will always help her prepare the potatoes, and be kind and respectful to her wishes. I will compliment, but not so much it seems fake. Though I may secretly eat a burger later that night." Brian kept reading and you laughed, so he looked at you frowning slightly, a bit suspicious.

"I'm so sorry! It's just that I thought about my mom and the horrible foods she always cooked! I thought I knew what a good meal was until I met you and you cooked real meals for me. I can remember the first time I invited you to have dinner at my house and you looked at the food my mom cooked that night; you looked at it a bit disgusted because it was really tasteless, yet you were kind and polite." You commented while still laughing in amusement. Brian giggled nervously and looked down. "Brian, please, do not think I'm making fun of what you wrote. On the contrary, I think it's really good and you've chosen a very interesting way of writing the article. It's just that what you've written is bringing me so many memories that it's funny and pleasant."

"Okay, it's okay." Brian said, still looking down and pursing his lips. "You know? Maybe... Maybe I should stop reading this. It's boring."

"No! Please, don't! I don't think it's boring. I think it's cute and very interesting. I want to keep listening to what you've written, please!" You said almost in a supplicant way.

You felt a bit guilty because apparently he was still thinking you were making fun of what he wrote and it wasn't like that. Brian just nodded as a response and returned his gaze to the laptop.

"3) I'll spend weeks, maybe months, before Christmas trying to think of something really special to get you. I'll get extremely excited wrapping the gift, and learn to deeply hate myself, as I didn't cut enough paper for one side and the corner looks like it got into a fight with a pair of scissors and has to be stitched up with Scotch tape so its innards don't fall out all over the operating table. I'll still get all pumped when I'm handing it to you, I'll just tell you not to look at the left side." Brian read and this time you had to bit your tongue not to laugh. Brian noticed you were like struggling with yourself to not laugh, so he looked at you a bit suspiciously. "What? Is it too silly?"

"No!" You denied energetically. "It is very, but very cute! I just... The memories, you know. Cannot you remember the time you gave me my first Christmas present? The way you wrapped it! Oh my god! You were never good at it, but the intention was what mattered. It was really nice from you!" You said smiling a bit amused and a bit tenderly; as Brian snickered nervously again and looked down. This time you could notice he was blushing slightly. "I'm sorry, Brian! Trust me; I'm definitely not trying to make fun of what you wrote. Seriously."

"Yeah, I get it, don't worry." Brian said almost in a whisper, still avoiding your gaze. "Umm..." He babbled scratching the nape of his neck, uncomfortable.

"Brian, please, don't feel bad! I'm so sorry." You said apologetically, twiddling a strand of his hair, trying to look into his eyes.

"No, don't be sorry. I know you aren't making fun of this, so don't worry, really." Brian said finally looking at you, with a slight grin and you smiled back, nodding. Then he returned his gaze to the laptop to keep reading. "4) Because I know doing dishes fills you with some kind of inhuman rage, and though it's not my favorite thing in the world, it doesn't drive me to suicide, I'll do the dishes. I'll put some music on and do the entire sink. I'll even go back to finish the pans after I let them soak, universally recognized as the truest sign of dishwashing dedication."

"Oh! This completely reminds me of you and me!" You exclaimed looking at him really diverted. "Brian, please, I hate doing the dishes! Please, don't force me!" You exclaimed in an exaggerated way as Brian looked at you a bit amused. "But Sunny, I've cooked, it's only fair if you do the dishes, it's not a big deal." You said imitating Brian's voice as Brian laughed softly. "Is not a big deal? Have you ever thought about the horrible damage to the skin of my hands that doing the dishes can cause?" You exclaimed with your exaggerated and dramatic voice and Brian laughed even louder. "Oh, you drama queen! Alright, only for this time, for the last time, I'll do the dishes." You said imitating Brian's voice again as Brian looked down with an amused smirk, shaking his head. Then you returned to your normal voice. "There was never a last time. This is so funny."

"You know? Next time I'm definitely not doing the dishes for you." Brian said chortling diverted, and then he returned his gaze to the laptop. "5) For no one else, but for you alone, I'll allow my music to be touched. You can change it and put on something that makes me question the entirety of human history: how could it have possibly led to a man on the moon, a vaccine for polio, and this horrendous song? But I'll listen to the whole thing and even maybe bop my head a little to the left and right. A little."

"Ladies and gentlemen, Brian Thomas Clerk would sacrifice his music for a girl! This is extraordinary!" You exclaimed loudly as Brian shook with laughter and shook his head. "I should feel lucky because you let me put on my music instead yours several times. I think you secretly love my music." You said looking at him mischievously and really diverted.

"Maybe I do; but if I do I'll never admit it in front of you." Brian joked with a giggle. "6) I'll realize that I'm not the only person in the world. Little by little." Brian read and you looked at him with an affectionate smile.

"That one is truly wonderful." You said still grinning and Brian looked at you and smiled back. "I really loved the approach of the subject you've chosen. It's cute and also very entertaining, because you added some jokes and funny things. It's perfect for a female teenager and this is so accurate. I mean, this is really true love. It's a way to demonstrate love without the needing of saying I love you, which is amazing. You've done a good job, Brian." You opined in all honesty as Brian was looking deeply into your eyes.

"Thank you." Brian said in a humble way, still looking deeply into your eyes.

"You're welcome, Brian. Now, I think that the sixth tip should be the last one, because it's a good way to finish the article, summing up what a person feels when being in love." You opined and Brian nodded, accepting your criticism. "Now, I have an idea of what you could write as the sixth tip. So, you can take it or not; and if you take it, then your article will be done and you'll get an A on this." You said smiling brightly and Brian shook his head while chuckling softly. "Try with this: I'll suddenly look at all the things in life that seemed incredibly lame: going to bed early, making complex plans for the future, and driving out the country just to be in an empty house; and think they seem kind of tempting. I'll want to start constructing things that will last for a long time, and coming back to work on them more later. My horizons will extend beyond brunch the weekend." You commented as Brian was looking fixedly into your eyes, listening to you very intently.

"I like it and it's always good to have a woman's point of view about this, since it's for female teens. Thank you, Sunny; it could really work." Brian said in a very thankful way as he started typing what you commented, concentrating again on the text.

"I've seen Darren." You commented while playing with one of Brian's pens. You noticed how Brian stopped writing abruptly and looked at you, and then he kept typing, looking at the screen.

"So? What have you guys done?" Brian asked while still typing.

"Oh, we just went to the Fuller Park and we talked a while; apparently Kelly and he aren't dating." You commented and Brian frowned slightly while typing.

"What? Did you suspect they were dating?" Brian asked and you remembered that you haven't told him anything that you saw Darren and Kelly kissing that day.

"Yes… But never mind, I was wrong because they're friends." You answered hoping that Brian wouldn't ask anything because you didn't want him to think you kissed him that night only because you felt lonely because of that kiss between Darren and Kelly.

"Well, I never thought Darren could be dating that girl. At first I thought he was, but when the girl started talking and showing her personality, I thought that Darren could never date a girl like her. It's like they aren't for each other. Well, actually I think I'd never be able to see that girl with a guy if she keeps being like that." Brian commented, focused on his article.

"That girl was flirting with you that day, have you noticed it?" You asked a bit amused and Brian looked at you frowning.

"Yeah… I think that's part of her personality." Brian replied shrugging before looking at the screen again.

"Would you give her a chance?" You asked looking fixedly at Brian amused, but still very curious and eager to hear his response, for some reason.

"After the way she treated you? Never." Brian answered raising an eyebrow and you smiled softly, relieved to hear that answer.

"We also talked about you." You commented looking fixedly at him. Brian stopped typing to look at you frowning slightly in suspicion and curiosity.

"About me? What about?" He asked looking piercingly into your eyes.

"I read Darren the fragment of your book called Defend Joy; he also thinks you should publish that book." You commented and Brian huffed, shook his head and looked at you in disbelief.

"You did what?" He asked incredulous and you thought he was a bit upset. "Sunny!" Brian exclaimed as scolding you. "That is something private! I only let you read that book because it was you; no one else has read it. And only because I let you read it, doesn't mean that you have to go and read it to every person you know. It's something really private. I can't believe you did it." Brian said sighing, but he wasn't mad, he seemed to be disappointed and that was worse for you.

"I'm sorry, Brian." You apologized looking into his green eyes through his glasses. "It's just that fragment is one of my favorite ones and you know it has a lot of significance to me. And well, we were talking about books and, I don't know, I ended up reading it. Point is you should publish it, seriously, it's really good."

"I don't wanna talk about it. Please, don't do something like that next time. It's private and if I share something private with you it's because I want to share it with you and only you because of personal reasons. You know I won't publish the book, so don't insist." Brian answered looking at the screen of the laptop again, now frowning. He was really disappointed.

"Okay, it won't happen again." You said looking down, feeling really guilty. "I'm sorry." You said in a whisper and Brian looked at you again.

"I believe you, and it's fine; let's just forget about it." Brian said softly and you leaned to give him a buss on the cheek.

"Thanks." You said smiling slightly as Brian nodded and returned his gaze to the laptop. "Well, before Darren and I talked, he was at my Acting course."

"How come?" Brian asked interestedly, frowning, still typing. "I thought you didn't share that course."

"Yes, we don't share it. But today we had a special class, because the professor is tired of our lack of interest in the class. So she brought Darren since he's one of her best students, to give us inspiration to be interested in the class." You replied shrugging and Brian nodded silently, listening to you but still typing. "The professor paired us and we had to perform together." You commented.

"Really? That sounds good, like in high school. What have you performed?"

"A movie scene, Moulin Rouge, Come What May." You replied looking at the pen with which you were playing, remembering that performance you've done. It was really good.

"Oh! Moulin Rouge, one of your favorite movies. I bet you were awesome, I wish I could have been there to see you." Brian commented with a slight grin.

"Yeah... But, you know, before we finished the performance... Umm, Darren kissed me." You commented frowning slightly.

You still weren't so sure about that kiss. You didn't know if it was part of the performance or if it was because Darren wanted to kiss you. Because in the movie they didn't kiss right away they finished singing; but Darren didn't mention anything about the kiss, so there was no way that the option could have been that he wanted to. Brian stopped typing to look at you abruptly, very surprised, raising his eyebrows with his eyes wide open and open-mouthed. Then Brian frowned and looked down, still with that astonished look and open-mouthed. His reaction was super weird.

"Brian?" You asked gingerly.

"Yeah!" Brian exclaimed loudly and looked at you with a smirk, but you remained looking at him frowning, not getting why he was acting weird. "Sorry, it's just I had a sort of déjà vu." Brian said and you knew he was lying; you knew all the times he was lying because he was terrible at lying. "Never mind. So... Umm... How was it?"

"How was what?" You asked still looking at him frowning.

"Umm, you know, the kiss." Brian replied a bit uncomfortable.

"Oh, it was just part of the performance." You answered shrugging, looking at the pen again.

"But... Have you felt something when he kissed you?" He asked almost in a whisper, as though he was ashamed of asking you this.

"I don't know... It was weird." You answered in all honesty. Actually you liked it, but you couldn't say you enjoyed it because you were stunned when he did it in front of the class.

"Alright..." Brian whispered and you heard how he started typing again.

You got distracted with the pen while Brian was typing. Lately it wasn't the same as always to talk to Brian about Darren. Brian was always there to listen to you whenever you needed, and he was still there and he was still willing to listen to you when you talked about Darren. But before, Brian used to advice you or encourage you to do certain things; now whenever you talked to him about Darren, he just said few words and he was very silent, he didn't give you many advices. Maybe he was just tired of hearing you talking about Darren all the time; maybe it was bothering him now. You didn't know, but it just didn't feel the same as always. Of course you still loved Brian and of course he was always going to be special to you, but there was something missing. And it wasn't that you were thinking that Brian didn't care about you any longer; because you knew he cared and he cared a lot; it was just that maybe you needed those advices about Darren he used to give you. Maybe he was just stressed with college, his dad and the money and you were overthinking. While Brian was still typing and focused on his article, you started looking at his desk very intently to get entertained with something. You've never paid attention to his desk. It was very well organized and he had a lot of books, notepads, notes and clips, misc papers, folders and a lot of highlighters, pens and pencils. That totally looked like a writer's desk, very different from yours. Then something caught your attention. In between all the books, there were some manuscripts, one of them was the book he wrote entitled 'Defend the joy' and his other book 'Diary of a schizophrenic'; but there was also a new one you haven't seen before, and it was entitled 'Words to my longed significant other'. You looked at it for a while and then you looked at Brian. He was so focused on his article that he didn't know what you were doing or not, so you dared to take that manuscript. Brian didn't notice, so you opened it on the sly, Brian didn't notice so you felt relieved. You knew that probably you shouldn't do this, but you were very intrigued to know what it was about and why he never mentioned you about this new book. You read the prologue.

"What if we sit on the side of the moon and watch the stars around our world, contemplate each piece of land that is in this area and dilute in the seas that dominate the area?

How about if we swim to the bottom of the sea with the only breath of our hearts, to become eternal and find the lost world of feelings and emotions that captivate our souls?

What do you think if we get lost in the deepest forests of our bodies until finding where shelter from the rain, the sun, the world?

What do you think if we imagine ourselves holding hands, walking down a path without a precise direction, a road full of occurrences, yours and mine, but good and beautiful experiences?

What if I suggest you go with me? I don't promise to always love you, because it's always very little to what my soul wants to live with you. Just come, take my hand, and take the risk of living. Love cannot be seen, it only can be felt, and even more when you're next to me.

I love you. I've never told you this, but I love you and I long for the day when you'll take me in your arms; my longed significant other."

You finished reading the prologue and only with the prologue you were smiling. It was very beautiful what he wrote; it was really romantic not in a cheesy way but in a soulful way. Now you really wanted to read this new book he has written. What if he wrote it to the girl he was in love with? After all, the title of the book was 'Words to my longed significant other'. It was surely for that girl you still didn't know who she was. You looked at Brian to ask him if you could read it. He was still concentrated on his article.

"Brian? What is this?" You asked very curious.

When Brian looked at you to see what you were showing him, his quiet and concentrated face turned into a very strained and horrified face. He literally dropped his jaw and he looked at you with eyes wide open, completely aghast. He didn't answer anything; he was very uncomfortable, nervous and terrified. Why would he be like that?