Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham. Or guitar guy.

Hey, hey, hey I'm going to update more now that I don't have to wait for Jefafa's shows to come on since I got the DVD set for Christmas! Yay!

PS. I do not endorse or encourage the consumption of tobacco products

Chapter Sixteen: awkward hormones

Glorious Nicotine

Victor was still crying like a baby when Sakura and Asuma showed up. "Gai, what did you do now" Asuma sighed as he pulled the teenaged boy down.

"It was all Tenten."

"Hey!" Tenten snapped.

"Victor-san, are you ok?"

"I wanna go home and smoke and forget about this…" He mumbled psychotically while trembling in fetal position. " I don't wanna be here in a world where I get attacked by girls with knives…"

"Asuma-sensei?" Sakura held out her hand. Asuma sighed and reluctantly handed her an unopened pack of cigarettes. She threw them at Victor who eyed them suspiciously before grabbing them and hastily ripping them open. Nicotine was nicotine. He dug around in his pocket and flicked open a lighter.

"Better?" Sakura asked, exasperated.

"Yes, thank you." Victor replied meekly as he exhaled.

"Good, now lets go back to the Barbeque and finish eating. Ok?" She said as if trying to persuade a child. This kid was obviously traumatized, well then again, meeting Might Gai for the first time had that effect on a lot of people. But he was likely traumatized well before that point and Gai-sensei didn't make things better.

"Ok."

"Sakura, are you sure you can handle him by yourself? Or should I get Shikamaru to help you?" Asuma muttered to the pink haired girl.

"I've got it under control. I hope." She muttered the last part.

Achmed's first mission

The skeleton sat, bound up in strings. Kakuzu stared at him.

" I said, I want bombs." Achmed restated.

Kakuzu laughed. Achmed got annoyed.

"SILENCE! I KEEL YOU!"

"I think not. Same for the bombs."

"What?"

"No."

"C'mon, I have no money infidel."

"Then go on missions and get money." Kakuzu was getting annoyed. "You, go fetch me a subordinate from the lower ranks and bring them to me. I will give you some money then." Kakuzu needed a new heart anyways.

"Where?"

"I don't know go, use your brains if you still have any." With that Kakuzu picked Achmed up and dropped him on the other side of the door.

Achmed stared at the door, "At least he didn't throw me."

Peanut's BMJ reunion

"JOSE!" Peanut squealed when Jeff and José entered the room.

"Oh god." The jalapeño tried frantically to hop away but was instead embraced a little too tightly from the woozle.

"The Mexican is back, eh. And lookie here, so are you Dumbass." Walter grunted.

"Nice to see you too Walter." Jeff mumbled.

"Hey, hey, what bout me, huh? Dun say nuthin ter the one drinkin the beers!" Bubba started rambling in a drunken fashion.

"Oh my stars, is that a cockroach?" Melvin asked, hiding behind Walter.

"On a Stick." José confirmed. "Let go of me." He added to Peanut.

"Oh, why?" Peanut squealed. "We're having so much fun Josey!"

"That's what your mother said and I hope you die."

"Hola." The Cock-a-roach waved.

"Where's Achmed?" Melvin asked Jeff.

"We still don't know."

"Don't worry Dunham-san." Shizune walked in. "We may have a location. We're sending a team out now."

Sasuke lurked in the corners, waiting to sneak out. He was utterly amazed that he had gotten in. Konoha really was losing it.

"ANBU, dismissed!" Tsunade ordered as she strolled in behind Shizune. Sasuke breathed in relief and took off with them. Now to find Sakura. He then took off for her house. "Dunham-san, We have provided you with somewhere to stay, with a host. Iruka will take you there."

"Where are we staying?" Walter grumbled as the young ninja escorted them.

"Well, you see, There was only one person who was willing to take you after we drew straws and nose-goes and such." Iruka admitted sheepishly.

"Thanks." Jeff muttered sarcastically.

"It's nothing against you." Iruka explained hastily. His eyes drifted to the motley crew.

"Oh, I understand."

"We're here." Iruka sighed as he knocked on the door. "Good luck." He muttered to Jeff/

"COME IN AHAHAHA!" A scarily familiar voice yelled from within.

"OH HELL NO!" Walter yelled as Might Gai threw open the door, giving his trademark 'nice-guy' smile.

MEANWHILE AT ICHIRAKU

Gaara sat eating the delicious bowl of ramen. He looked at the clock on the wall. He had left the two twenty minutes ago. Perhaps he should go release them from the sand ball. He finished the bowl and was about to get up when another was set in front of him.

"One the house Kazekage-sama." Teuchi grinned. They could wait.

IN THE SANDBALL

"Gah…Where is Gaara?" Naruto groaned as he attempted to sit down. Hinata was still unconscious so he held her as opposed to letting her lay in a heap in the bottom of the ball. She was rather cute when she was unconscious. Gah! Neji would kill him for this! He had already been thrown around enough by the Hyuuga. But then again, he also kicked his ass in the Chuunin Exams.

While he was musing, Hinata chose to wake up. It was all just a dream. A dream that involved Gaara-kun locking her and Naruto in a sand ball and Naruto asking her out.

"Welcome back." Naruto grinned. Hinata turned red red red when she realized that she was in his arms. "No, no, no! Don't faint!" Naruto panicked. Hinata did her best to not faint. So it was true. Neji would kill both of them for this.

HALF HOUR LATER

"Where is Gaara?" Naruto snapped. "This is taking forever!"

"M-maybe he forgot." Hinata suggested.

"GAARA!" Naruto yelled, pounding on the wall while Hinata covered her ears.

Back at the ramen stands, Gaara's 'Naruto is pissed' senses tingled. He couldn't fathom why though, after all this ramen was simply delicious. Wasn't he supposed to do something? Wait…Oh yeah. Gaara got up, paid and trudged back to Naruto's house.

"GAARA YOU BAKA! YOU'RE ALMOST AS BAD AS KIBA! NO WAIT WORSE!" Naruto started ranting angrily. Gaara stared at him blankly before turning to Hinata, completely ignoring the raging ninja before him.

"He ask you out?"

"H-hai." Hinata answered meekly while Naruto continued to yell.

"Good. I'll escort you home." Gaara turned with his hand on Hinata's shoulder and they started walking away while Naruto was totally oblivious.

"HEY! HEY! GAARA!" Naruto finally noticed and chased after them. "WAIT FOR ME!"

They're getting shorter now….the end is soon. Oh noes! But anyways, will the Crew survive a night a Gai's? Will MJ-I mean Orochi notice his container is missing? Will Victor ever recover? Tune in next time.

ps Reviews are awesome things to recieve so you guys should, you know, totally review? Because that would be amazing. xD