Yay! We're back after months of Hiatus! Hehehe....
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or jeff dunham
HEY HEY HEY!!!! I really like Nexus of Dark World's thinking. Quick! Everyone send Jeff the link to this story on his site. Maybe we can get him to read or comment about it in his act! xD
Sasuke's His own Worst Enemy
Sasuke laid on the front lawn of the apartment complex twitching. Sakura had just thrown him out the window. He was pretty sure he had a few broken bones. Damn it, where was psychotic man-bitch when you needed him? At that moment Suigetsu decided to reappear.
"You do anything?" He approached with a mouthful of dango. "Oh shit. You call her fat?"
Sasuke turned his head and gave him one of his icy glares. Suigetsu cringed and backed up. "Alright, alright. Let's get you to the hospital."
"Not hospital. Back up there." Sasuke hissed.
"Seriously? You want to go back?" Suigetsu's jaw dropped. "Come on! She just beat you up man."
"Don't. Care." Suigetsu sighed and walked over to Sasuke. He shoved the last bite in his mouth before pitching the skewer and shouldering Sasuke. "What Number?"
Ten minutes later Suigetsu was banging on Sakura's door. She opened it to see the shark boy carrying the intruder from before.
"Who are you and what do you want?" She snarled. Her eyes fixated on the sword attached to his back. Zabuza?
"Yo. I'm Suigetsu. This is Sasuke. I think you threw him out your window?" The shark-boy replied in a bored tone.
"Sakura…." Sasuke groaned. He had a feeling of high drunkenness from the pain. "I didn't mean to call you annoying. Or knock you out. Or call you forehead behind your back with Ino."
"What?!" Sakura was pissed. First this guy dares break into her apartment impersonating Sasuke and now he was trying even further to pass himself off with this other shark-boy?
"Dude, her forehead isn't that big." Suigetsu turned his head to address the Uchiha on his back. "Besides, you're the one with the broken bones, I don't think you should talk anymore."
"Kabuto would heal me." Sasuke suddenly would have preferred the nasty medical lab to this humiliation.
"Karin would rape you." Oh yeah.
"Yeah. She hasn't raped me." He stared at Sakura.
"So no going back, 'kay?" Suigetsu dropped him on the floor to which he groaned loudly and activated the Sharingan.
"Do that again and I'll kill you, loser."
"Sasuke…It really is you!" Sakura squealed. "I've missed you so much!" She tackled the injured Uchiha who yelped in pain before a satisfying, safe feeling washed over him and he relaxed and breathed in the smell of Sakura... "You bastard! You left us!" Sakura suddenly screeched before throwing him across the room.
And there it went.
First Date.
Naruto fidgeted as he stood outside the Hyuuga complex, nice shirt and jeans on and carrying a few flowers from the Yamanaka's flower shop. The old man had snapped at him to clean himself up so he didn't look like as big a dumbass when he rushed to tell him the news. Walter and Jeff-san had been staying with Iruka the past days as the arrangement with Gai hadn't exactly worked out well. Something about being held against their will at night in fear of enemy ninjas.
His head turned as he swore he heard a window break, a scream and loud thud from the direction of the nearest apartments. He considered going and investigating when Neji opened the door.
"Oh, you're here." Neji stated in a tone that clearly screamed disappointment. "Hinata, Naruto's here." He turned and yelled.
"Coming!" Hinata stumbled out from a side door and Naruto felt himself go red. She had chosen a sundress that suited her perfectly and a small bag slung across her chest. Neji turned to him with a look that clearly stated 'Touch her and Die.' He looked past Naruto at something in the tree to see Gaara of the Sand staring at him with a look that clearly said 'I'm supervising the dumbass.'
"Um…Um…These are for you Hinata-chan!" Naruto stuttered as he presented the flowers in a twitchy state. Neji merely glanced at Gaara with a look that said 'Good Luck.'
"O-oh. I'll go put these in water." Hinata went equally red as she took the flowers. Don't Faint. Don't Faint. She chanted her inner mantra as she went to find a vase.
"So he's going with you?" Neji asked as Hinata ran off.
"Huh? Oh, Gaara? Heh, he insisted. Said something about making sure I don't do anything stupid." Naruto grinned and scratched his neck nervously. He sighed a sigh of relief when Hinata came back.
Naruto and Hinata took off quickly.
"So where are we going?" Hinata asked.
"Um…" Naruto was about to answer Ichiraku, but Gaara had clearly said no. "Korean Barbeque?"
"Ok." Damn she was cute.
As he followed and supervised, Gaara's mind began to wander back to his office and the stack of paperwork that was most definitely waiting for him. He really should go home. He narrowed his eyes at the thought of Kankuro going through the papers and probably dismissing half of the important news. He directed his attention back to the BBQ when Hinata suddenly got up. He snuck into the restaurant.
"She went to the bathroom." Naruto explained.
"Ok. I'm going home. Kankuro's probably done something stupid by now." Gaara half mumbled.
"Oh, ok." Naruto panicked a little. What if he messed it up now?
"Don't screw up. I'll be back when I can." Gaara slipped back out of the BBQ and started back towards Suna.
Half hour later, Hinata and Naruto strolled through the dark village towards the Hokage Tower.
"Naruto-kun, what are doing?"
"You'll see." Naruto happily chattered as he quietly opened the door to the tower. They climbed the first set of stairs before Naruto opened a window and from there they climbed out on the awning . A few good leaps later, Naruto pulled Hinata onto the roof of the building. "See?" He pointed up and Hinata couldn't help but gasp at the view of the stars. "That's not all. Look!" He dragged her to the edge. "You can see all Konoha from here."
"Naruto! What are you doing?" A voice snapped from behind.
Granny baa-chan. Great.
"I'm on a date Granny baa-chan!" Naruto tried to explain while pointing to Hinata.
"Naruto! How would I ever get anything done if I let everyone bring their dates up here? Huh?!" Tsunade snapped.
"You don't get anything done anyways!"
"Naruto!" Tsunade grabbed him and he began to panic.
"Lemme go lemme go! I'm sorry Granny baa-chan!"
Hinata watched the humorous exchange with apprehension. She knew they weren't actually fighting, but she was still a bit nervous.
"Alright! Both of you! Out!" Tsunade finally yelled and escorted them both out of the building.
"Hehe, sorry about that Hinata-chan. I didn't think we'd get in trouble." Naruto shuffled his feet sheepishly.
"I-it's alright."
"Here, I'll walk you home I guess."
As they approached the house, they were laughing and joking.
"Thank you Naruto-kun. I had a great time." Hinata smiled at him as she opened the door.
"Hey! Hinata-chan? Can I take you out again sometime?" Naruto asked quickly as he went red.
"Yes!" Hinata also went red. "Well.. good night!" With that she very quickly kissed him on the cheek and rushed inside.
Boredom.
Peanut sat at the table playing poker against Bubba. It was easy considering he put his cards down every time he took a sip of beer. Eventually, he was tired of winning everything. He turned to Jefafa who was currently sitting with the guy with the scar across his nose trying to find out where exactly Achmed could have landed.
Walter sat watching with disinterest. Dumbasses. Whatever. He didn't give a damn, just wanted to go home. He was sick of Japan and they could leave without Achmed for all he cared. They had the damn pepper and the crack head and the dumbass duo. Melvin was passed out on the floor from getting into more alcohol and the pepper was watching Spanish soap operas with the cockroach on the guy's tv. Soon the crackhead wandered over to watch and within minutes was bawling his eyes out.
"Miguel!!!"
"Shut up ya dumbass!" Walter snarled when Dumbass and Scar guy looked up.
"Um, Dunham-san, should we go somewhere else to figure this out?" Iruka asked.
"No, here's fine. Be grateful I don't have the Chihuahua with me." Jeff replied.
"My guess would be somewhere in River Country. There have been reports of sightings of Akatsuki there."
"Akatsuki?"
"Terrorist organization that's insistent on the fact they mean to bring peace by ruling everyone."
Jeff groaned. Achmed in a terror organization. This was NOT good.
"What's the matter?"
"He was a terrorist in a past life. Suicide Bomber."
"Alright, I can see how that's bad." Iruka quickly got up and rushed to a radio. The rest looked up at him with interest.
"Tsunade-sama, we have a development. It's not good."
MEANWHILE BACK IN MISSOURI
"Why the hell are we stealing a damn Prius? A Blue one at that!" The first guy snarled at his partner.
"It's been here awhile. Now shut up and hand me that hanger." The second snapped back.
He worked the lock a few minutes before he heard it click open. He chuckled to himself as he began hotwiring the car. The car started and the thief unlocked the passenger door. The door was still open as he tried to shift into reverse.
"Whoa! What the hell is that you're about to back into?" The first yelled.
The second looked into the rearview to see a spinning mass behind him.
"Bail!" With that, they both rolled out of the car as it was sucked into the portal and the portal closed.
"Great, there goes that!"
MEANWHILE IN SUNA
Kankuro laid in bed sulking. His girlfriend was snuggled against him, the smell coming off of her dark hair driving him insane. Could he touch her? No. She was staying with him while her aunt was out of town and the exterminators were in her apartment. She had made it clear. No. She wanted to be able to tell her aunt honestly that nothing happened. Like that had stopped them before. Whatever. He started kissing her neck.
"Kankuro…" She started in a warning tone. Suddenly a noise sounded in the other room. "What was that?"
"I don't know, stay here." He got up and grabbed a kunai. No one had a key except his girlfriend, Gaara and Temari. He knew he was on more than one hitlist. Another noise this time from another room. He looked around. Nothing. Nothing in any of the rooms. He kept his senses heightened as he returned to bed.
"No one's there." He started climbing back into bed. "It was probably a mouse knocking something over."
They laid back down and they were both tense, listening for any more noise.
Finally, she began to relax. He closed his eyes and tried to. He finally did.
"You really should be more aware of your surroundings. Idiots." They both shot up to see Gaara perched on the edge of the bed with a cookie in hand. "Now, where are the reports from the past few days?"
Return of the Prius.
Achmed stood, cornered outside the hideout. Several angry Akatsuki members stood over him. He had not meant to injure them. Well maybe Blondie. But no one other than that!
"The blue prius will run-"
"Will you shut the –censormonkey!- up about the damn Prius! It's not coming. It's never coming." Hidan snarled as he started rolling up his sleeves. The others snarled in agreement. Achmed looked around desperately. Something. Something. Nothing. Dammit. So he did the only thing he could do.
He screamed, loud and piercing. The Akatsuki cringed and Achmed swore he heard a loud whine coming closer. They moved in for the kill. A loud revving of an engine sounded and a blue prius knocked them over and aside. It quickly swerved and spun-out before heading back. The bass was pumping and the window rolled down.
"Achmed, you ho! Get yo boney ass in the goddamn mother-censored-! car. Tch." Sweet Daddy Dee yelled over the bass. Achmed quickly ran to get in. It was then Zetsu decided to intervene by popping the tires. "Tch!WhatthehellMother-censored!-"
Sooo…. Review! We'll find out what happens next time on Pisses me off ^_^